Evening Shade s01e13 Episode Script

It's morning now in Evening Shade, and the first big snowfall of the winter has arrived.
However, nothing can dampen the spirits of Wood Newton, who is eagerly anticipating his 30th high school reunion.
People say there are no friends like old friends.
Wood is about to test that theory with the arrival of his two closest high school buddies, Johnny and Earl.
Bet you told me a hundred stories about you guys.
The Three Musketeers.
Nope.
Three Amigos.
I've done my research.
Yeah.
Look, let me show you.
Right here.
Earl Mallory, center.
Right? Right.
Yeah, first-string, All State, only 153 pounds.
They nicknamed him the Rock of Sharp County.
He's a feature writer now for Sports Illustrated.
You don't say? Yeah.
And over here is Jaguar Johnny Blanchard, split end.
Best hands in the state.
Anything he touched, he could catch.
Ah, he was a great athlete.
He could've played pro football except, you know, all the lights weren't on in the building.
Not the brightest guy in the world.
They used to say about Johnny, he could do anything with a football except autograph it.
Now what is, what is that? It's a floor buffer.
I'm gonna do your office and the halls, and then get over to the gym.
I'll do it once now, then once after school.
I want you to be proud of this place.
I know you must be looking forward to this reunion.
I mean, I know I was looking forward to mine.
I couldn't wait for them to see I wasn't the same mousy little nerd they probably remembered.
I'd better get me a pair of work gloves, though.
This is gonna be one long job.
I'll see you in just a little bit.
Okay.
Hey, Wood, you want to head over to the Purple Dawn and get a disease? You are a disease.
Oh! Hey! Not the face, not the face.
Whoo! Good to see you, guy.
How are you, buddy? Hey, do I know you? I don't think so.
Bend over, let me see.
Oh.
One, two, hut.
It's Earl the Bull! How you doing, guy? Oh, great.
Hey, th-this is Coach Brown's office, isn't it? Yeah, hey, I love what you've done with it, Wood.
But you know what it needs is a few pictures of yourself on the wall.
Hey, wasn't the old equipment room around the corner? Uh-huh, yeah.
The place where you got caught with Becky? Mm Becky Kincaid.
Becky Kincaid.
She had the best equipment in town, actually.
Yeah.
Speaking of great equipment, bring your wife Genie? Oh I guess you didn't hear.
She's gone, you know, to a better place.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, she's in San Diego, enjoying her alimony and dating the entire Sixth Fleet.
Ask him about Bambi.
Bambi? Oh! Well, she's 27 years old, aerobics instructor.
Oh, that could be dangerous.
Yeah, well, what the hell? If she dies, she dies.
Let's go to Ponder Blue's and have a beer.
It's 10:30 in the morning, pard.
You see, it's the hearing that always goes first.
I didn't ask you what time it was, old-timer.
I asked if you wanted a beer.
It's party time.
No, no, I'll pass.
Yeah, me, too.
Your kids must be getting big.
I guess Taylor's in high school now.
Look at that picture right here.
That's my starting quarterback.
Yeah! He's the best athlete I got on the team.
Yeah, I hear he's the only athlete you got on the team.
Yeah, I'll bet you're real proud of him.
I am proud of him.
You know, a chip off the old block.
What-What's that outfit? Oh, well, drama club's having tryouts for Romeo and Juliet, and I thought I might dress the part.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Out.
Who was that? I have no idea.
Well, hey, don't tell me.
Johnny the Jaguar, Earl the Rock.
Herman the assistant coach.
Whoa! Oh! Come on.
I'm okay.
It's got some pull on it.
Hey, Taylor, every time he showed us movies, he'd take out his dentures and put them on the table, and your dad I remember one time he got up there, he snuck up, and he took some Tabasco sauce and he poured 'em all over them upper plates.
Okay, everybody upstairs.
Let's go.
Out! Come on, Will.
Dad doesn't want us to hear any more stories about him being a delinquent.
What's a delinquent? Dad, when he was our age.
I want to be a delinquent, too.
Where's the little boys' room? Uh, just through that door and down to the right.
I know oh, here he is.
Ava! Earl, ooh.
You get better looking every time I see you, girl.
Oh, you are such a convincing liar.
You've met my Aunt Frieda, right? A while ago, but I don't remember her being so beautiful.
Well, hi.
And you know my father Evan.
Well, it'd be pretty hard to forget the man who gave me my first job in journalism.
Writing obituaries, if I recall.
Glad to see your subject matter's livened up since then.
Johnny! Hey! Oh, you cutie.
Hey, y-you've put on some weight, haven't you? Oh, hi, Frieda.
Oh, Mr.
Evans.
Remember me? No.
I really enjoy your work.
Thank you, sir.
Especially that swimsuit issue.
Oh so you're the famous bachelor who's Mr.
Sports Illustrated.
Honey, I want you to sit right down here.
I got things to ask you.
Okay.
Now what on God's green earth do a bunch of melon farm escapees in dental floss swimsuits have to do with sports? How come you're home so early? Well, we had a noon adjournment, so Frieda and I kidnapped Daddy and took him out shopping.
I was there to pay for Frieda's merchandise and carry it home.
She couldn't find a pack mule with his own MasterCard.
Would you please stop complaining? I told you I left my wallet in my other purse.
Besides, Ava and I are the ones that ought to be upset.
Everywhere we went, people treating you like some kind of celebrity.
Daddy just got back from covering the Middle East.
Yeah, I know.
Wood sent me the articles he wrote.
I'm very impressed.
Well, so is everybody else.
You should have seen 'em calling out his name, coming over to shake his hand.
It was like trying to shop with Elvis.
I'd better get my blue suede shoes back to the office.
Nice to see you again, Earl, and, uh you, too.
Bye, Daddy.
Well, Ava, this reunion of ours must seem pretty distant to you.
You had to be in grade school when we graduated.
Well, actually, I was a little young for grade school.
Ah, that hurts.
Mm.
Doesn't that make Wood some kind of a felon? I don't think you know this, but Johnny is the only living brain donor.
Hey, Wood, uh Hmm? what'd you think about that picture of Becky Kincaid in People magazine last year? I don't know about it.
We don't know that was Becky Kincaid or not; nobody's seen her in 30 years, Johnny.
Well, of course it was.
It was about her divorce.
It said she married some rich New York investment banker, and when they split, he handed over to her $50 million, without blinking an eye.
Oh, my gosh.
Ooh.
Oh, I'm sorry, I guess you get tired of Becky Kincaid stories.
No, we love 'em.
Yeah? Yeah, Wood's old high school sweetheart? Oh, come on, they're sweet.
Oh, yeah, well, yeah, they, they were a pretty hot item.
Were they? Yeah, yeah.
Ol' Becky Kincaid, she was like the Royal Mounted Police, the way she always got her man.
Gee whiz, I- I can't believe you're being so nice about this, Ava.
Oh, come on.
I'll tell you what.
Any of my ex-wives, they would have popped their corks if they thought for one minute I almost married a girl like Becky Kincaid.
Married?! Married? No.
Did I say "married"? Oh, no, I-I meant "buried.
" Boy, she-she almost died from, uh ringworm.
Nobody ever died from ringworm.
Until now.
So you almost actually married this girl? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
What, were you just in it for the sex? I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Boy, am I gonna get it.
What did she look like? We want to know everything Do I look anything like her? about Becky Kincaid.
Hi.
Hi.
Are you Mr.
Woodrow Newton? Uh-huh.
Hi, my name's Larry.
Ah.
I work for this lady, Mrs.
Winstead, who's staying over at the Holiday Inn.
Uh-huh? Well actually, I work for Doug's Limousine Service down at the Little Rock Airport, and Hmm.
But Mrs.
Winstead paid, like, three times our normal all-day rate for me to stay here with a car all weekend, and she's paying for me to stay in a motel and everything.
Hmm.
It's just, like, unbelievable.
I mean, I guess she's just really rich.
I don't know.
Hmm.
What is it? Oh, this is Larry.
We were just, you know, getting to know each other.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away.
It's just that well, this is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.
I just had to share it with somebody.
Well, I'm glad we were here to, you know, share it with you.
Anyway, uh Mrs.
Winstead wanted me to tell you that she's in town, and, uh, she'd like you to meet her for a drink at 4:30, if you can.
And, uh, if you need a ride, I- I can come back and pick you up.
Why, heck, you-you guys could even have a drink in the backseat of the limo, if you want.
She paid for a whole bar back there.
Who-Who's Mrs.
Winstead? Oh, uh she said her name used to be Becky Kincaid.
Oh.
Really? Really? Yeah.
Well we're going to be busy tonight, so, you know, it wouldn't work out, but tomorrow night, if-if-if she happens to be, you know, at the, at the dance, and w-we happen to run into her, we'd be glad to, to talk, to say hello, you know.
Oh, okay.
Oh, uh, yeah, she here, she wanted me to give you this.
Well, what is it? That's the corsage from her senior prom.
She said you'd know what it meant.
Yeah, well, th-thanks, thanks.
I think this lady really wants to see you.
Thanks.
Oh, how about that? Old Becky Kincaid's back in town.
Don't you mean your old former fiancée's back in town? Wah, wah, wah, w- w-w-w-w-w-wah.
You believe this? They got the same songs on here they had 30 years ago.
Mm-hmm.
One play for a quarter.
Ponder, we used to get six plays for a quarter.
Well, I used to get Sports Illustrated for 50 cents.
Good point.
Hey, Ponder, have you ever seen three better-looking guys for their age? Yep.
How about a piece of apple pie? Put a little ice cream on mine, will you? You got it.
Put a little ice cream on mine, too.
Hey, I think I'll have a little ice cream on mine.
Oh, Wood.
Huh? I- I just want to tell you again really, I'm sorry about getting you in Dutch with Ava.
That's all right.
You know, for thousands of years, wives have been getting information from feeble-minded people.
Don't worry about it.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello there.
Hi, Mr.
Evans.
Well, I guess you remember me now.
Nope.
Well, w-we met today at your daughter's office.
Nice to see you again.
Uh, well, she's a fine woman.
Too bad there isn't any more at home like Ava.
Too bad I don't have Ava.
When she was only 18, Wood Newton married her and ruined my life.
I was going to ask you if you wanted to sit down and have some dessert.
Can't.
I'm just here to pick up a take-out order.
Miss Beausoleil and I are having supper before her show.
Oh, I didn't tell you guys.
My father-in-law, the grandfather to our children, is dating an exotic dancer the lovely Fontana Beausoleil, who is a quarter of a century younger than he is.
All right.
More power to you, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I may need it.
After several weeks in the Middle East, I suspect Miss Beausoleil's performance will have a heightened impact on me.
Do you guys remember the night we decided we'd drive to Hot Springs and go over to the Purple Dawn? Yeah.
Except we didn't have enough gas, so the gas man had to make a house call.
Yeah.
The gas man.
The gas man.
Gas man? Yeah.
That's what we called Wood that summer the gas man.
You see, every time we needed some gas, why, Wood would siphon a few gallons out of some rich guy's fancy car.
His favorite was a a a '58 Buick Roadmaster.
Yeah.
What color Roadmaster? It doesn't matter what color it was.
Listen, you know the '57 ice storm was Two-tone.
White over green.
Actually, that was eggshell white over deep forest green.
It was my first real new car.
I kept taking it back to the dealer, complaining I was only getting eight miles to the gallon.
They thought I was some kind of an idiot.
You're kidding! That's funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
Wood, I'm surprised you never told me about that.
We could have had a laugh together.
Well, you do things when you're younger.
You-You live to regret them later on.
Yeah.
Well, fortunately, sometimes we are in a position to make restitution.
You all enjoy your evening out on the town.
Oh, and by the way, my gas cap has a lock on it now.
You know, Ava's father's a real nice fella.
Ha! You want to bet? Hello, Wood.
Becky! Hi.
Hi, Becky.
No one's called me that in such a long time.
Ah.
My, you sure look like you've been taking good care of yourself since you left football.
In fact, you look better than ever, Thumper.
WOOD Thumper.
That's good.
I haven't heard that name in a long time.
Well you look You look incredible.
Well, I'd like to thank you on behalf of my plastic surgeon.
You know, you're causing quite a stir in town.
Well, I usually do.
It goes with being filthy rich.
Ah.
I just love waking up in the morning and knowing I can go anywhere in the world, and do whatever I feel like.
You know, I-I I only got one place like that.
That's the bathroom in the morning.
I've got a proposition for you.
Well, I'm all ears.
Okay.
Seriously, I want you to hear me out, and no interruptions.
Thumper, I've got a private jet waiting for us in Little Rock to take us anywhere you want to go in the world Tahiti, Paris, London, Timbuktu.
I'm-I'm married, Becky.
I know.
Oh! Not one word.
Just think it over and you can tell me tomorrow night at the dance.
I want to stay with you, yeah! Want to live with you And Thumper, I think it's only fair to warn you I always get what I want, and I want you.
Hi.
You got home earlier than I thought.
Yeah.
You waited up, huh? No.
No, I just couldn't sleep.
So, did you have a big night? Oh, we went to some of the old haunts, yeah.
Wood, is-is there something you're not telling me? You know, is there, is there something I should know? Okay, we went and saw, uh, Fontana Beausoleil's act, you know.
I wanted to see it before you closed her down.
Your father's right.
She's pretty amazing.
What's the message? What? The message you're supposed to get from this? I don't remember, honey.
It was a long time ago.
Well, somebody remembers.
You know you don't have to protect me.
I mean, was this prom the first time that you and Becky, you know did the hokeypokey? Yeah.
It was also the first time we had sex.
And a lot of guilt.
What do you mean? Those were the Eisenhower years.
You know, you had sex with someone, you liked them, you you were supposed to marry them.
So why didn't you? I didn't love her.
I wanted someone that wanted to live here the rest of her life and, uh, share my life, whatever it was; have our children together.
I didn't think she was the right girl.
But did you know the right girl at the time was only four years old? Yeah, but she looked six.
Well, tomorrow night's gonna be pretty interesting.
You can say that again.
Just a crazy little notion Is just to love you Thanks for being my date tonight, Frieda.
Oh, honey, you should've picked up some dance steps from Johnny he's good.
Well, that's because his brains are in his feet.
Yeah.
Listen, Earl wants me to fly up north with him, so he can show me Chicago.
Oh, at last we have revenge on the North for winning the Civil War.
Well, Johnny told me that he made you a star by catching all those wounded duck passes that you threw.
She's paraphrasing, of course.
Of course.
Ooh, Earl, let's see.
You played center.
Center?! Well, I guess you and Wood must have been real close.
Uh, Wood? Huh? Look who's here.
Oh, my gosh, is that Becky Kincaid? Oh, she's gorgeous.
Well, I mean, everybody looks better under these gym lights.
I think she looks repulsive.
You see, you can tell just by looking at her, she's got enough plastic in her to throw her own Tupperware party.
Hey.
Uh, this is my wife, Ava.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Well, I might've known that Wood would have married the most beautiful woman in the town.
Oh, thanks.
It's hard to believe you're expecting your fourth child? Yeah.
Well, you just keep on having them, honey.
It's a great way to hang on to your man.
Why don't you just take those towers of Teflon and move them on back up to New York City? Wood, come dance with me, huh? Hmm? Oh, is it all right, honey? Oh, sure, it's fine.
Just don't dip.
Well, what do you think? Fantastic.
It's all yours, Thumper.
Mm-hmm.
I assume you've given my proposal some thought.
Well, it's crossed my mind a couple hundred times.
She's really beautiful.
You and me one week.
No one will ever know.
I'll know, Becky.
Oh, Thumper.
A conscience is such an inconvenient middle-class commodity.
Yeah.
I have some more bad news for you.
I really love my wife, my kids, living here in Evening Shade.
That's about as exciting as I need.
All right, I'm gonna tell you the truth.
You won't be doing this just for yourself.
Hmm? You know why I kept that corsage for 30 years? Uh-uh.
'Cause in my whole life, Wood, I never found another relationship as intense as ours, and believe me, I tried.
I just want to see if the magic is still there between us.
Please? It's It's a wonderful offer, and I'm-I'm-I'm very flattered, but no.
No? No.
We could have had a terrific week together.
Oh.
Uh, you know, you have to realize that money doesn't buy everything or everybody.
Well, it's way ahead of whatever comes in second.
It was nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
I wouldn't want to trade places with you, but a little part of me envies you.
Well, good-bye, Earl.
Good-bye, Johnny.
See you in Only this time, try and take a little better care of yourselves.
Bye, Thumper.
Good-bye.
Well Thumper? Well Listen, I can tell you exactly what she's gonna look like in 30 years Robo-Slut.
Great.
Uh, bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Well, don't you worry I won't get you in trouble next time.
No, he got himself into trouble.
Bye.
I'll be with you in a minute.
I figured it up.
Here's what you owe me for the gas.
Yeah, well, wait-wait a minute, wait a minute.
Gas was 29 cents a gallon at that time.
Well, unfortunately, like all the major oil companies, I'm forced to charge you the replacement cost.
It's very complicated.
It all has to do with that Valdez oil spill and OPEC, and, uh, my hands are tied.
In Evening Shade We ain't afraid to get a little laid-back And let the daylight fade Life goes slow and it's worth a lot more When you got it made And we got it made in the shade Evening Shade.