Family Matters s01e13 Episode Script

Hi, Eddie.
Urkel, why don't you ever knock? Well, if I did, nobody would ever let me in.
- Where's Laura? - She's upstairs.
I'm gonna ask her out for Saturday night.
Steve, don't waste your time.
She's never gonna go out with you.
Hi, Laura.
I saw you.
I was wondering if I could share the pleasure of your company Saturday night? I'm busy Saturday night.
Oh, how about Sunday night? Urkel, let me put this to you as nicely as I can.
I'm not going out with you.
I'm never going out with you.
You make my skin crawl.
I understand.
I caught you at a bad time.
She wants me bad.
All right, see you.
Did I do that? - Hi, Mom.
Hi, Aunt Rachel.
- Hi, sweetie.
We have a surprise for you.
You are gonna love it.
Yeah, it's something you can't live without.
I hope it's a maid.
I hope it's a man.
- Close your eyes.
- Okay.
Okay, open.
It's a dog.
Good, Harriette, you got that right on the first try.
Isn't he cute, Mom? He's adorable.
What a sweet little dog.
Now get him out of here.
He's got nowhere to go.
He's been hanging around school for almost a week.
No tag.
No license.
Yeah, we tried to find his owner.
We called Pet Finders, put up flyers, but nobody claimed him.
Can we keep him? Please? Judy, quit whining.
You know your father's rule: No animals in the house unless they're in a bowl, a cage or a roasting pan.
Can't this be a special case? Yeah, Harriette, come on.
Rachel, you're not helping.
Think of the fun Richie could have with that cute puppy.
See the doggy.
Nice doggy.
I'm sorry, but Carl won't allow a dog in the house.
We'll just have to take him to an animal shelter.
Rachel, take him to the animal shelter.
Why do I get all the fun jobs? Come on, boy.
Oh, Harriette, I can't take him to the pound.
Look at his little face.
Yes, you are cute.
Harriette, can't we keep him? Please? All right.
I'll talk to your father when he gets home.
Wait, wait.
But it won't be easy.
You know Carl has a thing about pets.
- Harriette, I'm home! - Quick, get him upstairs.
Hide him in my room.
Hey, wait a minute.
I'll help you.
Rachel, where are you going? Stay.
Sit.
I'm not breaking this to Carl alone.
I just had the worst day of my entire life.
I was in a high-speed car chase and I ran out of gas.
Do you know how embarrassing that is? And to top it off, I come home and almost hit Edward's bicycle.
He left it in the driveway again.
- Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
- I'm gonna have a talk with that boy.
- Is he home? Where is he, in his room? - No! I mean, yes, but you're too tired.
I'll get him for you.
Edward, come down here now! I'll be right there.
No! No, don't drink out of the toilet! - What is going on up there? - It's Judy.
You know, she hasn't been herself lately.
I think I braided her hair too tight.
Well, I'm gonna go watch I'm gonna go watch the news, see if anybody had a worse day than I did.
I'll talk with Edward later.
When are you gonna tell him about the dog? - Gonna wait until he's in a good mood.
- When is that gonna be? Well, let's see, he has eight years till retirement I'll tell him at the party.
- Who is it? - Rachel.
Wait till you see what I bought Mickey.
Got him a leash food dish, water bowl and Doggy Delights.
He's gonna love these.
Now, that's strange.
Says, "Dogs eat them like candy.
" - Who is it? - Dad.
Dad who? Edward, let me in.
Just a second, Dad.
I'll be right with you.
- Come on, come on.
- Oh, my goodness.
Son, l What are you doing here? Oh, just hanging out.
You know, listening to music.
- I don't hear any music.
- We make our own.
It's my prerogative I do what I wanna do It's my prerogative I can live my life It's my prerogative Do you all do this a lot? Yeah, we're thinking of going on Star Search.
Son, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I blew up at dinner about the bike.
I had a real bad day.
It's okay, Dad.
I guess I'll turn in early.
Okay.
Well, good night.
See you later.
Sleep well.
Good night.
- Good night.
- Hey, what are these? - Oh, my - Carl.
Hey, these are good.
What are they? It's just a little snack I picked up at the health-food store.
Well, try them.
They're delicious.
Here, try one.
- Something wrong? - Oh, no.
Nothing's wrong.
See.
- Mm.
Aren't they great? - Mm.
Well, good night.
Edward, clean up this room.
It smells like an animal lives in here.
Ech! You know, Dad was right.
These are good.
So did you tell Dad about Mickey? I told him a hundred times.
- What did he say? - Nothing.
He was asleep.
- Harriette! - He's awake.
Quick, hide the dog.
Hide the dog.
What happened to my favorite slipper? Carl, it just wore out.
Wore out? This looks like a wild animal got ahold of it.
I bet it was little Richie.
You know how he likes to chew on things.
This was not done by somebody with one tooth.
What was that? What was what? That noise.
Sound like it came from the laundry room.
- I didn't hear anything.
Kids? - No.
- Not me.
- Uh-uh.
I didn't hear that either.
- Carl, don't open this door.
- And why not? No special reason.
Just a whim.
Harriette, step aside.
Oh, look.
A dog.
Harriette, what is a dog doing in the laundry room? His laundry? Harriette.
Carl, he followed the kids home from school.
Harriette, now, you know my rule about pets.
I know, honey, but we were thinking maybe you'd make an exception this time.
Well, honey, a rule is a rule.
Carl, the poor dog needs a home.
Have a heart.
Dad, he's a really nice dog.
Yeah, he's got your eyes.
Case closed.
Oh.
Carl, you brought home a dog.
How wonderful.
Rachel, he knows and he doesn't wanna keep him.
Oh.
Don't you like dogs, Carl? Well, I love dogs.
- Then why don't you wanna keep him? - Oh, look.
When I was 6, my father brought home this cute little cocker spaniel puppy.
We went everywhere together.
He'd follow me to school every day and wait for me outside.
- I have a question.
- What? Why would your father follow you to school every day? The dog followed me, Edward.
The dog.
Okay.
Got it.
For 10 years, that little rascal and I were inseparable.
I loved that dog more than anything.
Then one day, he got sick and died.
Well, I was crushed.
For weeks, I'd walk to school looking behind me, thinking he'd be there.
Of course, he wasn't.
That's the saddest story I ever heard.
Well, after that, I swore I'd never get close to another pet again.
Sorry.
Carl, that was 20 years ago.
Get some therapy.
Harriette, I'm just trying to spare the kids the pain that I went through.
Oh, come on, Carl.
You had 10 wonderful years with that dog.
- Well, yeah - And think about all the good it did for you.
I mean, it taught you about responsibility and how to love.
Yeah, Dad, what do you say? Please.
- Oh, all right.
- Yes, Dad.
You can keep him, but this dog is your responsibility.
The three of you have got to walk him, brush him, feed him.
And most important of all, keep him away from me.
Don't worry, Dad.
He does whatever we say.
Sit, Mickey.
- Sit, Mickey.
Mickey, I said "sit.
" - Mom! - Sit, Mickey.
- Mom! I mean it.
Sit! We're going to the mall.
Wait a minute.
Did you take care of the dog? I fed him, Eddie brushed him and he dragged Judy around the block three times.
Put him in the kitchen, out of my way.
Hi, Carl.
Don't you think you ought to start calling me Mr.
Winslow? Yeah.
That's what my parents, Herb and Diane tell me.
- Where's Laura? - She's gone for the day.
Oh.
I'll wait.
Want anything from the fridge? Don't Herb and Diane ever feed you? They usually send me out.
Stop.
Stop! Stop! Stop.
Ah! So you got a dog.
Gotta run, Carl.
Tell Laura I'll call her.
Cute dog.
I think he likes me.
Good dog.
Good dog.
That's it.
I've had it with that dog.
What happened? Look what he did to my algebra homework? Tell your teacher your dog ate it.
I can't.
I used that excuse before we got the dog.
Well, listen.
You all come on, sit down and eat your breakfast.
And, Eddie, don't forget to feed Mickey before you go to school.
Mom, all that dog does is eat.
I don't believe it.
- My science project is ruined.
- What happened? I spent two weeks making a papier-mâché model of our solar system and last night, Mickey took a bite out of Pluto.
I don't believe this.
Take the dog out of the street give him a home and this is the thanks I get.
Hey, everybody.
You gotta see this.
This dog is a genius.
Come here, Mickey.
Sit, Mickey.
Sit.
Sit, Mickey.
Speak.
Speak.
Speak.
Ha, ha, ha.
That's great.
Harriette, I sure wish our kids were this well-behaved.
Well, I think I'll go to work now.
See you later.
- All right, sweetie.
Have a nice day.
- Okay.
Bye, Mick.
Hey, he took our bacon.
- Mickey! - Harriette? - Mickey! - Harriette.
- Mickey! - Harriette! What?! Have you seen my workout suit? - It's in the laundry room.
Mickey.
- Oh, thanks.
What happened? Looks like Mickey struck again.
Well, he's a dog.
What do you expect? Mom, isn't that your new silk blouse? That's it.
That dog is out of here.
Mickey! Mickey! Hi, everybody.
Where's Mickey? Here, boy.
Here, Mickey.
Look what I got him.
A Frisbee.
Help him develop great eye-snout coordination.
- Here, boy.
- Carl, Carl.
Sit down.
We need to talk.
Why? - What's wrong? - I have something to tell you about Mickey.
Oh, no.
Is he sick? Is he lost? Carl, he's fine.
He's in the garage.
In the garage? Why? Carl, he's destructive.
He's eaten clothes and furniture and sporting equipment.
And I don't like the way he looks at little Richie.
Well, that doesn't sound like my dog.
My dog is a sweet, gentle, playful little puppy.
Carl, around you, he's Benji.
Around us, he's Cujo.
Well, he'll grow out of it.
He's still adjusting to his new surroundings.
Carl, he's a big dog.
Too big to be pent up in the house all day.
- He needs room to run and play.
- Well, I take him to the park.
Carl, he's an active, outdoor dog.
He needs to live in the country, not in the city.
Well, we'll sell the house and buy a farm.
Carl, come on.
- Well, does everybody feel this way? - Yes.
- Yep.
- Definitely.
Well, all right.
I'll find him a nice home.
But please, let me be the one to break it to him.
I didn't wanna mention this, but he's not crazy about the rest of you.
Well, big guy guess you and I gotta say goodbye.
Aw I know, I know.
Hey, but this is hard for me too.
But I made a few phone calls and I found you a real nice home.
It's in the country.
Have somebody to take you hunting, fishing.
A lot of space for you to dig holes and chase rabbits.
And a whole forest for you to chew on.
That sounds okay, right? I'm really gonna miss you too, pal.
It's been nice knowing you.
Well, I just dropped Mickey off at his new home.
How did it go? There was a lot of whimpering, a lot of sniffling.
Yeah, but how did Mickey take it? Okay, I guess.
But he's sure gonna miss me.
I'm sure gonna miss him.
Dad, you were right.
Having a pet is a big responsibility.
Yeah.
And at least you found Mickey a good home.
And you still have us.
Hi, everybody.
I could've sworn I locked that door.
You did.
I took the liberty of making my own key.
What do you want, Steve? You mean, besides Laura? I noticed from my window that you got rid of your dog.
Wise choice.
But knowing how important it is for every man to have a pet I brought you this.
Oh.
An ant farm.
I don't see any ants.
Oh, you have to send off for them.
But don't worry.
I knew this was an emergency so I brought you some from my own personal supply.
There are 5000 in there, including a pregnant queen.
See? See? There she Oh, no! Ah! No, no! Oh.
Your Majesty? Your Majesty?