Freaks and Geeks s01e13 Episode Script

WHAT IS THIS? CREAMED SPINACH.
MM.
AND WHAT IS THIS? THAT'S SALISBURY STEAK.
WHAT MAKES THAT DIFFEREN FROM THE REGULAR STEAK? I DON'T KNOW.
E SALISBURY SAUCE, I SUPPOSE.
YOU WANT SOME? UH NIKOLAI, IT'S TIME TO GO.
LET'S GO.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS NOTICE THAT THE DAY AFTER WE HAVE SALISBURY STEAK, WE ALWAYS HAVE HAMBURGERS.
BUT THEN THE DAY AFTER THAT, WE ALWAYS HAVE MEATBALL HEROES.
AND A FEW DAYS AFTER THAT, WE HAVE MEATLOAF.
SO IS IT THE SAME MEAT? ARE YOU GUYS ARE YOU GUYS RECYCLING THE MEAT? IT'S DIFFERENT MEAT.
YEAH, WELL I GUESS YOU WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT, RIGHT? [SIGH.]
I'LL HAVE THE SALISBURY STEAK, PLEASE.
EXCELLENT CHOICE, SIR.
THANKS.
Daniel: ALL RIGHT.
YUM-YUM.
SOME SALISBURY DOG MEA FOR US, PLEASE.
HEY, NICK.
HEY.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU TOLD ME WE WERE GOING TO DENNY'S.
I WAS WAITING FOR YOU IN THE PARKING LOT.
DID I SAY THAT? YEAH.
AFTER THIRD PERIOD.
THIRD PERIOD? IN THE HALLWAY AT MY LOCKER.
OH, YEAH.
OH, MAN, I'M SORRY.
DO YOU STILL WAN TO GO, OR YOU'RE ALREADY EATING.
YEAH, BUT THAT'S OK.
I COULD EAT AGAIN.
I'M KINDA HUNGRY.
YOU'RE KINDA STONED.
I'M VERY STONED.
REPORT CARDS COME OU IN, LIKE, 2 WEEKS, SO I THOUGHT I'D TRY TO HAVE SOME FUN BEFORE THE WHIP COMES DOWN.
YOU KNOW? FORGET IT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH LINDSAY? I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
SHE'S CRAZY.
Nick: HEY.
SO? I DON'T HAVE ANY IN YET.
THE TOWN CAN'T BE TOTALLY DRY, MARK.
THAT'S SICK.
COME ON.
IT HAPPENS.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GET YOU SOME.
DON'T YOU GROW YOUR OWN? NO.
THAT'S--YOU ARE SO FULL OF IT.
I KNOW THA YOU GROW YOUR OWN.
TOMMY GENARO TOLD ME THAT IT WAS AMAZING.
THAT'S A LIE.
MY DAD FOUND MY GROW LIGHTS, AND HE RAN OVER THEM WITH HIS CAR.
HE BETTER HAVE.
[SIGH.]
THE CUSTOMER IS KING, MARK.
THE CUSTOMER IS KING.
WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.
L.
C.
I DON'T GIVE DAMN LIVIN' IN THE PAST, 'BOUT IT'S A NEW GENERATION GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND THAT'S WHA I'M GONNA DO AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOT ME WHAH! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOT ME ME, ME, ME, ME I DON'T GIVE A DA 'BOUT MY REPUTATION I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION AND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE A I'M NEVER GONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATIO NOT ME! Harold: PELICANS.
THAT LOOKS EXCITING.
TRY 2.
NO, NO.
TRY 4.
[SIGH.]
7.
AH, THAT'S IT.
OK, GREAT.
THANK YOU, SAM.
OH, LINDSAY, THE JOHNSONS WANT YOU TO BABY-SIT ON THURSDAY.
WHAT DO THEY PAY? $1.
50 AN HOUR.
THAT'S ALL? THEY'RE SO CHEAP.
YES, L INDSAY, THEY SHOULD PAY YOU A KING'S RANSOM TO LAY AROUND DRINKING POP AND WATCHING TV ON THEIR COUCH.
WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK FOR SLAVE WAGES? I GUESS KEEPING THEIR KID SAFE AND SECURE ISN'T WORTH THAT MUCH TO THEM.
ALL RIGHT.
ENOUGH ALREADY.
EVERYBODY BE QUIET.
I'M TRYING TO WATCH CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
SAM, WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE ANGEL? I LIKE BOSLEY.
BOSLEY? NOBODY WATCHES THIS SHOW FOR BOSLEY.
HE'S FUNNY.
YEAH? WELL, HE'S NO KATE JACKSON, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.
HE DOESN'T CARE.
HE'S IN LOVE WITH CINDY SANDERS.
NO, NOT ANYMORE.
SHE'S GOING OU WITH TODD SCHELLINGER.
AW.
WELL, IT'S HER LOSS, HONEY.
SHE'S THE ONE MISSING OUT.
WELL, HAS ANYBODY ELSE CAUGHT YOUR FANCY? DAD! HONEY, STOP, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING HIM.
I JUST THINK THERE COMES A TIME IN A YOUNG MAN'S LIFE WHEN HE SHOULD BEGIN TESTING THE WATERS.
WHAT ABOUT ME TESTING THE WATERS? YOU CAN TES THE WATERS, TOO-- AFTER YOU GET MARRIED.
OH, DID YOU HEAR? FRESHMAN STUDENT GOVERNMEN VOTED CINDY AND TODD "CUTEST COUPLE.
" AW, MAN! WHEN IS SHE GONNA BREAK UP WITH HIM? I THOUGHT JOCKS ARE ALWAYS DUMPING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS.
SAM, IT MAY VERY WELL BE TIME TO ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT THE CINDY SHIP HAS SAILED.
IT'S TIME TO BOARD ANOTHER VESSEL.
ANOTHER WHAT? HEY! MY NEW BINDER.
MM! NEW TRI-FOLDER ORGANIZER.
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
I HAVE ONE OF THOSE BABIES MYSELF.
COULD YOU PLEASE WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING? OH, IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
HEY, SAM.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, MAUREEN.
DID YOU GUYS DO THE READING FOR SOCIAL STUDI-- MAUREEN, COME ON, LET'S GO.
OK.
UM, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS IN CLASS.
SEE YA.
SEE, SAM? THOSE ARE THE KINDA WOMEN WE SHOULD BE GOING FOR.
THE CINDY SANDERS OF THIS WORLD ARE JUSTHORS D'OEUVRES.
VICKI IS A 5-COURSE MEAL.
HORWHAT? Kid: HEY, BILL.
BILL, YOU WAN SOME CRUSHED NUTS WITH YOUR SUNDAE? MY WHAT? OHH! THAT GUY NEEDS A NEW JOKE.
FOR THE NEXT WEEK, WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT.
SO THAT SHOULD BE FUN, 'CAUSE THAT WAS A REALLY EXCITING TIME.
NOW, MOST PEOPLE THINK OF MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT THIS TIME, BUT THE MOVEMENT WAS SPARKED BY ONE WOMAN WHO REFUSED TO GIVE UP HER SEAT ON A PUBLIC BUS.
DOES ANYONE KNOW HER NAME? ROSA PARKS.
THAT'S RIGHT, BILL.
VERY GOOD.
AH-CHOO! [SNEEZING.]
GOD BLESS-- WHOA.
GOD BLESS YOU, MISS FOOTE.
THANK YOU.
AH.
MY ALLERGI ES ARE REALLY ACTING UP TODAY.
YEAH.
MINE, TOO.
DO YOU WANT ME TO CLOSE THE WINDOW? NO.
THANK YOU, BILL.
[LOUD WHISPER.]
BROWN NOSER.
[CLASS LAUGHS.]
[REPROVINGLY.]
ALAN.
WHA ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO, BILL? WELL, A LOT OF THINGS ARE ON THAT LIST-- LIKE, BEES AND AIR AND CATS AND DOGS.
WELL, NOT DOGS.
WELL, SOME DOGS.
IF I EAT A PEANUT, I COULD DIE.
WOW.
REALLY? YEAH.
IT HAPPENED ONCE IN SUMMER CAMP, AND I HAD TO BE TAKEN AWAY IN AN AMBULANCE.
SO DON'T EAT 'EM, DORK.
[CLASS LAUGHS.]
I DON'T.
IF I DID, I COULD DIE.
YOU KNOW, BILL, THAT'S REALLY UNUSUAL.
NOT REALLY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE AILMENTS LIKE THAT.
LIKELIKE, NEAL HAS PSORIASIS, WHICH IS LIKE LIZARD SKIN.
[LAUGHTER.]
AND SAM PASSES OU IF HE EVEN THINKS ABOUT BLOOD.
[LAUGHTER.]
OK.
SO [CLASS BELL RINGS.]
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
WHAT? WE'RE FINALLY STARTING TO GET SOME RESPEC AROUND HERE, D YOU HAD TO GO RUIN IT.
HOW AR E WE GONNA GET IN WITH MAUREEN AND HER FRIENDS IF YOU TELL THE WHOLE CLASS ABOUT MY FAINTING, YOUR DUMB ALLERGIES, AND NEAL'S LIZARD SKIN? HEY.
IT'S CALLED PSORIASIS, AND 10% OF THE POPULATION WILL SUFFER FROM I AT SOME POIN IN THEIR LIFE.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? IT'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.
YOU WERE TOO BUSY FLIRTING WITH MISS FOOTE TO REALIZE YOU WERE MAKING FOOLS OUT OF US.
I WAS NOT FLIRTING WITH MISS FOOTE.
AND YOU'RE KILLING MY CHANCES WITH VICKI.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE WITH VICKI.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE WITH MISS FOOTE.
I GOT A BETTER CHANCE WITH MISS FOOTE THAN YOU HAVE WITH VICKI, AND I DON'T HAVE A CHANCE AT ALL.
FINE, BILL.
BE A GEEK YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
I'M SICK OF IT.
YOU GUYS HAVE ANY POT? NO.
THE CUPBOARD IS BARE, MAN.
YEAH? I'M RUNNING OU REALLY QUICK.
I'VE BEEN RATIONING ALL WEEK.
I DON'T KNOW WHA I'M GONNA DO.
UM, NOT BE STONED? [SARCASTIC.]
HA HA.
I'M SERIOUS, YOU GUYS.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY POT? HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DANIEL.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE POT, MAN.
DANIEL, DON'T BE A CHEAP BASTARD.
I ALWAYS HOOK YOU UP.
OH, YEAH? WHEN WAS THAT, MAN? YOU HAVEN'T PASSED A JOINT IN YOUR LIFE.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY, UH IT'S REALLY UNCOOL IF YOU GUYS ARE HOLDING OUT ON ME.
I'M GONNA KILL MARK.
THAT GUY IS TURNING INTO A WASTEBASKET.
NO KIDDING.
JUST LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S A FREAKIN' MESS.
YOUAREHOLDING OU ON HIM.
SHH.
OF COURSE.
BUT I'M GONNA TOSS THE STUFF.
YOU'RE GONNA THROW AWAY YOUR WEED? YEAH.
LOOK, MAN, THIS STUFF IS BAD.
I GOTTA STAY SHARP IF I WANNA, YOU KNOW STAY SHARP? YEAH.
WELL, HERE'S A PLAN.
HOW ABOUT, YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF LETTING THAT GO TO WASTE, YOU DONATE I TO A WORTHY CAUSE.
LIKE, UH, ME.
I CAN'T GIVE IT TO YOU.
WHY NOT? I CARE ABOUT YOU.
JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
NO.
COME ON, GIVE IT TO ME.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT TO ME? I'LL SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE.
HEY, NICK.
OH, HEY.
HOW YOU HOLDIN' UP? YOU KNOW, 5 DAYS WITH NO POT.
I ALMOST SMOKED MY MOM'S FERNS LAST NIGHT.
YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
YOUR EYES ARE ALL CLEAR.
OH, YEAH? AT LEAST I'M SAVING MONEY ON EYE DROPS.
OH, COME ON.
IT CAN'T BE THAT BIG A DEAL.
NAH, NAH.
IT'S JUST A BUMMER.
WELL LET'S DO SOMETHING FUN.
YEAH? YEAH.
I'LL MEET YOU AT LUNCH AND WE'LL CUT OUT.
YEAH, OK.
OK.
AND GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER HAD MANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS, BUT HE WAS BEST KNOWN FOR HIS WORK WITH THE PEANUT.
AND FOR BEING BILL'S MORTAL ENEMY.
BECA GET IT, BILL? USE YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS.
YEAH, THA WAS A GOOD ONE.
[BELL RINGS.]
DON'T FORGE YOUR READING ASSIGNMENTS, AND YOUR ESSAYS ARE DUE ON MONDAY.
THANK YOU.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, BILL? YEAH, I I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU TALKING SO MUCH ABOUT MY ALLERGIES.
IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A GEEK.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S OK.
YOU KNOW, BILL, YOU'RE NOT A GEEK.
TELL THAT TO THE REST OF THE WORLD.
HEY, GUYS.
SO, WHOSE MOM IS GONNA DRIVE US TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION ON SATURDAY? OH, ACTUALLY, SAM AND I ARE GOING TO A CHEERLEADING COMPETITION TO SEE VICKI AND MAUREEN COMPETE.
YEAH, MAUREEN INVITED US.
BUT WHAT ABOU THE SCI-FI CONVENTION? UM UM OH! YEAH, YOU CAN ASK GORDON TO GO WITH YOU.
I MEAN, HE LOVES SCIENCE FICTION.
I DON'T LIKE SCI-FI.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! SHOULD YOUR MOM DRIVE, OR SHOULD MINE? HEY, MAYBE MY MOM SHOULD DRIVE BECAUSE SHE PUTS ALL MY MAKE-UP ON IN THE PARKING LO BEFORE I GO IN.
GREAT.
[BOSTON'SSMOKIN'PLAYS.]
COME ON! OH, MY GOODNESS.
COME ON, THAT'S NOT FAIR! WHAT? THAT'S EASY FOR ME AND KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO HIT YOUR MARK.
GET YOUR FOOT UP.
GET YOUR FOOT UP.
OK.
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD GO, COME ON, SHOOT IT.
Mark: HEY, NICK.
THE EAGLE HAS LANDED.
I LOVE THE EAGLE.
YOU KNOW HOW THERE WAS A DROUGHT, MAN? NOW THERE'S A FLOOD.
TELL YOUR FRIENDS WE'RE HAVING A HARVEST SALE.
IT'S GONNA BE 40.
ALL RIGHT.
ENJOY.
HEY, GO EASY, THOUGH.
THIS IS SOME STRONG STUFF.
IT'S HYDROPONIC.
LIKE THE LETTUCE? YEAH, LIKE THE LETTUCE.
SEE YA LATER, MAN.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY.
HEY.
WANNA COME TO MY HOUSE AND SMOKE THIS? UHNO.
IT'LL BE FUN.
I DON'T SMOKE POT.
COME ON.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? IT'S FROM THE EARTH.
IT'S NATURAL.
WHY WOULD IT BE THERE IF WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SMOKE IT? DOG CRAP IS HERE, AND WE DON'T SMOKE THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE.
YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR POT.
I'M A LOW LIFE.
OK, MAYBE I'LL SMOKE A LITTLE.
JUST TO SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE.
YEAH? YEAH.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
[QUEEN'SFAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS PLAYS.]
I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
YEAH, THIS IS FUN, HUH? WHAT'S SO FUN ABOUT THIS? WHAT'SNOTFUN ABOUT THIS? OH, SHH LISTEN TO THIS DRUM FILL.
OHH! [LAUGHS.]
THAT GUY IS AMAZING.
DO YOU--DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS? OH HEY DO YOU WAN TO GO TO THE MARKE AND GET SOME DRAKES CAKES? NO.
WHY DO YOU DO THIS, NICK? YOU'RE AN AMAZING GUY WHEN YOU'RE NOT STONED.
DON'T START WITH THAT.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMEN ALL WEEK, ALL RIGHT? YEAH, I KNOW YOU HAVE.
I THINK IT'S SAD.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
YOU COME IN HERE, YOU TAKE ONE HIT-- AND YOU DON'T EVEN INHALE IT-- AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA CRITICIZE ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M LAME? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN HIGH BEFORE, SO WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME? LOOK AT YOU.
YOU ARE ADDICTED.
OH, COME ON, LINDSAY.
PLEASE.
YOU ARE.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE HIGHLIGH OF YOUR WEEK? SITTING ON YOUR COUCH EATING CHIPS, DREAMING OF DRAKES CAKES? YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S BETTER THAN SITTING THERE WITH A BOARD UP MY BUTT, LIKE YOU.
YOU DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.
YOU DON'T ENJOY ANYTHING.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT NEWS FOR YOU: EXCEPT YOU DON'T WAN TO ADMIT IT.
YOU'RE A DRAG.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE, YOU SEE IT? I'M REALLY ADDICTED.
HOW AM I GONNA LIVE WITHOUT IT? WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP, ALL RIGHT, LINDSAY? 'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO POT, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
CHECK OU MR.
PEANUT.
HE'S PROBABLY EATING A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH, THE LIAR.
HMM.
LET'S FIND OU IF HE'S LYING.
GORDON.
UM, I DON'T THINK I CAN GO TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION, 'CAUSE MY MOM WANTS ME TO HELP HER CLEAN THE GARAGE.
Gordon: WHAT A BUMMER.
YOU'RE GONNA MISS GEORGE TAKAI, YOU KNOW.
Bill: SORRY.
I WAS GONNA LEND YOU MY YODA MASK, TOO.
WELLNEXT TIME.
WE'LL GO NEXT TIME.
SIT BACK AND WATCH THE FIREWORKS.
ARE YOU GUYS GONNA EAT WITH ME? YEAH.
WHY? I DON'T KNOW, I JUST THOUGHT-- THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS TOO GEEKY TO EAT WITH.
YOU ARE, BUT WE'RE TOO HUNGRY TO CARE.
THIS IS CRUNCHY.
SO? LIKELIKE PEANUTY CRUNCHY.
YOU WANT ME TO GO GE MS.
FOOTE SO YOU TWO CAN DISCUSS IT? [SAM LAUGHS.]
DID YOU GUYS PUT SOMETHING IN MY SANDWICH? NO.
HEY, HAVERCHUCK, WHAT HAPPENS NOW? SHOULD WE CALL AN AMBULANCE? YEAH.
COME ON, PEOPLE, MOVE! LET'S GO! GET OU OF THE WAY! IT'S ALL RIGHT, BILL.
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.
MRS.
HAVERCHUCK.
HEY, SAM.
IS BILL STILL ALIVE? YEAH.
YEAH, THE DOCTOR'S IN THERE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW.
OH, MY GOD, GLORIA.
I AM SO SORRY.
THIS HASN'T HAPPENED IN YEARS.
LAST TIME HE ATE A PEANUT, HE WAS IN A COMA FOR 2 DAYS.
THE DOCTOR SAID HE ALMOS DIDN'T MAKE IT.
IS HE GONNA DIE? NO, OF COURSE NOT.
NO, SWEETIE, NO.
SIT DOWN.
SAM, COULD YOU NO USE THE WORD "DIE" IN A HOSPITAL? YOU ASKED IF HE WAS STILL ALIVE.
THAT'S AN OPTIMISTIC QUESTION.
ALIVE IS GOOD.
DIE IS BAD.
TRUST ME ON THIS.
MY DAD'S A DENTIST.
SO, FRANK, HOW'S IT FEEL TO BE BACK? OH, IT'S A TRIP.
GIRLS ARE CUTER.
A LOT CUTER.
Mr.
Russo: OH, HEY, GUYS.
JUST FINISHING UP WITH AN OLD STUDENT.
OH, FORGIVE ME, FRANK.
THIS IS DANIEL DESARIO AND KEN MILLER.
WHAT'S UP, GUYS? HEY.
HOW'S IT GOIN'? YOU INTO FLOYD? OH, HELL, YEAH.
I SAW THEM AT THE PYRAMIDS.
THE EGYPTIAN PYRAMIDS? UH, I DON'T THINK THEY'VE EVER PLAYED THE PYRAMIDS.
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WAS THE DEAD.
I JUST GOT CONFUSED BECAUSE I WAS THINKING OF ANOTHER GUY I WENT TO BOTH SHOWS WITH, YOU KNOW? HIS NAME WAS TIM.
HEY, SAW FLOYD AT THE LASER DOME.
THEY WEREN'T THERE, BUT IT WAS THEIR MUSIC.
WELL, THANKS FOR LUNCH, FRANK.
DEFINITELY, JEFF.
WE'LL DO IT AGAIN SOON.
ABSOLUTELY.
SEE YOU, GUYS.
SHINE ON, YOU CRAZY DIAMONDS.
ALL RIGHT.
DANIEL.
KEN, HAVE A SEAT.
THAT WAS FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT MAN.
WHY? 'CAUSE HE'S FRIED OUT OF HIS MIND.
HE'S MR.
WAKE AND BAKE.
SO? HE'S YOUR FUTURE.
KEEP BURNING THE BONG AT BOTH ENDS AND YOU'LL WIND UP JUST LIKE HIM.
MR.
RUSSO, I TOLD YOU.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET RID OF MY WEED.
HOW DUMB DO I LOOK? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? I COULD HAVE YOU EXPEED FOR THIS, BUT I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A BREAK.
LEARN FROM FRANK OR YOU'LLBEFRANK.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
RIGHT.
DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? AS MUCH AS THAT'S POSSIBLE.
[BLOOD, SWEAT, & TEARS' HI-DE-HOPLAYS.]
HI-DE-HO HI-DE-HI GONNA GET ME A PIECE OF THE SKY GONNA GET ME SOME OF THAT OLD SWEET ROLL I'M SINGIN' HI-DE-HI-DE-HI-DE-HI-DE-HO HI-DE-HO GET IT, CHILDREN GONNA GET ME A PIECE OF THE SKY WHAT IF BILL'S GHOS STARTS TO HAUNT US? THEN HE'LL COME INTO OUR ROOMS AT NIGH AND START THROWING THINGS AT US.
NO, NO.
BILL WOULDN' DO THAT, YOU KNOW? HE'S OUR FRIEND, RIGHT? THAT'S TRUE.
I MEAN, MAYBE HE'D BE LIKE CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST.
HE'D YOU KNOW? HANG OUT WITH US, AND NO ONE WOULD TALK TO HIM BUT US.
I MEAN, NO ONE WOULD KNOW HE WAS THERE.
OH, YEAH, YEAH, AND PEOPLE WOULD CATCH US TALKING TO HIM, AND THEY WOULD THINK WE WERE CRAZY-- LIKE WILBUR ONMR.
ED.
THAT WOULD BE COOL.
Mrs.
Haverchuck: MY LITTLE BILL.
OH, GOD, I'M SO WORRIED.
GLORIA, GLORIA, HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
BUT IT WOULDN' BE LIKE THAT, WOULD IT? HE'D JUST BE DEAD AND GONE FOREVER, WOULDN'T HE? YEAH.
[JETHRO TULL'SAQUALUNG PLAYS.]
WHAT--WHAT DO PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY'RE NOT STONED? I DON'T KNOW.
RELATE TO ONE ANOTHER? I DON'T WAN I WANT TO RELATE TO LINDSAY.
SHE'S-HE'S SO SMARTI DON'T THINK AND STRAIGHTIT CAN WORK.
YEAH.
WELL, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT GONNA WORK IF YOU'RE SMOKING WEED.
YEAH, SHE'S TOO SWEE AND PERFECT FOR THAT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Harold: LINDSAY? LINDSAY, YOU IN THERE? YEAH.
LINDSAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME? I FORGOT MY WALLET.
WHAT AREYOUDOING HOME? WHAT AM I DOING HOME? WHAT, LIKE, WHY AM I HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOINGHERE? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BABY-SITTING FOR THE JOHNSONS.
I AM? YEAH, YOU'D BETTER GET OVER THERE.
THEY'RE GONNA BE REALLY MAD.
WELL, DAD, I HAVE TO CANCEL.
I HAVE A LO OF HOMEWORK TO DO.
LINDSAY, YOU'RE NO CANCELLING ON THEM.
NOW, DO YOUR HOMEWORK OVER THERE.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH, I'M FINE.
I'M JUST TIRED.
I HAVE WOMAN PROBLEMS.
I DON'T WAN TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
JUST GET OVER THERE.
Man: HEY, IDIOT, TAKE YOUR TIME.
COME ON, MOVE IT.
Sam: OH, NO.
WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? EXCUSE ME.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS BILL'S MOTHER? I AM.
MY SON HAS SOMETHING HE'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.
I'M THE ONE WHO PUT THE PEANU ON BILL'S SANDWICH.
I THOUGHT HE WAS FAKING, THOUGH.
HE'S ALWAYS LYING ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS REALLY ALLERGIC.
I SWEAR.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
CAN I TALK TO HIM AND TELL HIM I'M SORRY? NO, YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM BECAUSE HE'S UNCONSCIOUS, AND HE'S IN CRITICAL CONDITION, AND YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE HE'S NOT LYING ABOUT THAT.
SIT DOWN.
Lindsay: MILLIE! MILLIE, I NEED YOUR HELP.
WHAT IS IT? DID YOU FORGE YOUR SOCIAL STUDIES BOOK AGAIN? NO.
I'M GOING BABY-SITTING, AND I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
REALLY? WHY? BECAUSE IT WILL BE FUN.
YOU'RE HIGH.
WHAT?! YOU'RE ON THE POT.
HOW COULD YOU TELL? I'M NOT DUMB, LINDSAY.
I KNOW WHAT HIGH PEOPLE LOOK LIKE.
I WENT TO A SEALS AND CROFTS CONCERT LAST SUMMER.
OK.
I DIDN'T WANT TO.
NICK TALKED ME INTO I AND NOW I'M REALLY STONED, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
I REALLY FEEL WEIRD, MILLIE.
FINE.
I'LL GO WITH YOU.
BUT ONLY FOR THE SAFETY OF THE CHILD.
THANK YOU, MILLIE.
NO, THANK YOUR DEALER.
YOU AWAKE? HAVERCHUCK.
YOU'RE NOT FAKING, ARE YOU? I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE REALLY ALLERGIC.
YOU JUST ALWAYS SAY STUPID STUFF LIKE THAT.
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I--I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL.
I WAS JUST GOOFING ON YOU.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE EVER BEEN NICE TO ME.
I REMEMBER, LIKE, IN THE FOURTH GRADE, I USED TO THINK YOU GUYS WERE, LIKE, REALLY COOL.
AND THIS ONE TIME, YOU BROUGHT A MODEL OF THESATURN 5 IN FOR SHOW-AND-TELL, AND I ASKED YOU GUYS IF I COULD SHOOT OFF ROCKETS WITH YOU, AND YOU SAID NO.
SO, WHAT, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ALL NICE TO YOU GUYS AND STUFF? I LIKED COMIC BOOKS AND SCIENCE FICTION, TOO, BUT YOU GUYS NEVER ASKED ME TO HANG OUT.
PLEASE DON'T DIE.
OK? I PROMISE, I'LL NEVER BE MEAN TO YOU AGAIN, EVEN IF YOU DO SOMETHING REALLY STUPID.
JUST DON'T DIE.
IF A BALLOON BRES, MAKE SURE HE DOESN' PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH, 'CAUSE HE COULD CHOKE ON IT.
DO YOU KNOW THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER? GREAT.
DON'T LET HIM GO INTO THE KITCHEN TONIGHT, OK? IF HE GOES IN THERE, THE FIRST THING HE'LL DO IS GO AFTER THE KNIVES.
UM, HE'SS HE'S HUNGRY THAT MEANS HE WANTS JUNK FOOD, AND THE JUNK FOOD DRAWER IS IN THE KITCHEN.
THE LOWER ONE NEXT TO THE SINK.
HE'S ALLOWED TO HAVE ONE THING.
HE'LL SAY HE CAN HAVE MORE, BUT HE CAN'T.
EXCUSE ME.
I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.
WE'LL BE BACK AT 9:00.
WE LEFT THE NUMBER IN T KITCHEN, WHERE WE'LL BE.
Mr.
Johnson: ALSO ON THERE YOU'LL FIND THE POLICE DEPARTMENT Mrs.
Johnson: MY MOTHER, MY SISTER.
IT'S ALL ON THE REFRIGERATOR, OK? Mr.
Johnson: OH, IS POISON CONTROL ON THERE? POISON CONTROL IS ON THERE.
OK? AND PLEASE DON'T LET HIM RIDE THE DOG.
GOOD-BYE, HONEY.
[KISS.]
Mr.
Johnson: BYE-BYE.
Millie: HAVE FUN.
SAM.
NEAL.
WE HEARD ABOUT BILL.
OH, MY GOD, IS HE ALL RIGHT? WE DON'T KNOW.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS? THIS IS SO HORRIBLE.
WE'RE OK.
WE'RE JUS WORRIED ABOUT BILL.
WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING? HE'S IN CRITICAL CONDITION.
OH, MY GOD.
I HOPE HE'S OK.
I FEEL SO GUILTY.
WHY? IF I WOULD HAVE TAKEN MORE CARE OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS PREGNAN WITH BILL, MAYBE HE WOULDN'T EVEN GET ALLERGIES LIKE THIS.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.
WE DIDN'T KNOW BACK THEN.
WHEN I WAS PREGNAN WITH SAM, I DIDN'T THINK TWICE ABOUT NUTRITION.
I WAS DRINNG A LOT BACK THEN.
OH.
WELL, YOU KNOW GETTIN' HIGH, POPPIN' PILLS.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
WHEN SAM WAS 4 MONTHS OLD I DROPPED HIM ON A BRICK PATIO.
HE HAD A HAIRLINE FRACTURE OF THE SKULREALLY? YES.
UHH.
THANKS, JEAN.
YEAH LOOKIN' BACK ON T TRACK FOR A LITTLE GREEN BAG GOT TO FIND JUST THE KIND "MARIJUANA: A MIXTURE OF LEAVES, STEMS, AND FLOWERING TOPS OF THE INDIAN HEMP PLAN CANNABIS SATIVA" "MANY USERS DESCRIBE 2 PHASES OF MARIJUANA INTOXICATION.
"AN INITIAL STIMULATION, GIDDINESS, EUPHORIA, "FOLLOWED BY SEDATION AND PLEASANT TRANQUILITY.
"NEGATIVE EFFECTS CAN INCLUDE CONFUSION, "ACUTE PANIC REACTIONS, ANXIETY ATTACKS, FEAR "MOOD CHANGES ARE OFTEN ACCOMPANIED BY ALTERED PERCEPTIONS "OF TIME AND SPACE, AND ONES BODILY DIMENSIONS, EXTENDING THE PROCESS "BECOMES INTERRUPTED BY FRAGMENTING IDEAS AND MEMORIES "HAS NOT BEEN ESTABLISHED.
LIKE ALCOHOL INTOXICATION, MARIJUANA INTOXICATION "CHRONIC MARIJUANA USERS ARE SAID TO DEVELOP "AMOTIVATIONAL SYNDROME, CHARACTERIZED BY PASSIVITY, "DECREASED MOTIVATION AND PREOCCUPATION WITH DRUG TAKING.
MANY USERS REPORT INCREASED APPETITE, HEIGHTENED SENSORY AWARENESS AND PLEASURE" YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT! I'M NOT IT! I'M NOT EVEN PLAYING.
YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT! I FOUND YOU! NO, I WASN'T EVEN HIDING.
I STOP CHEATING.
'S MY TURN TO HIDE NOW, AND YOU'RE CHEATING.
NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT CHEATING.
JUST GIVE ME SOME SPACE, MAN, OK? OH, MY GOD, LINDSAY.
WHAT HAPPENED? MILLIE, THE KID IS IN THERE.
HE FOUND ME.
SO YOU'RE IT.
WELL, I CAN'T HANDLE HIM RIGHT NOW.
WHAT AM I DOING HERE, MILLIE? I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE.
IT'S FREAKING ME OUT.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
MAYBE I'LL GO OUTSIDE AND LAY DOWN FOR AWHILE, AND THEN I'LL WALK HOME WHEN I FEEL BETTER, OK? NO, LINDSAY.
CALM DOWN.
JUST GO IN THE LIVING ROOM.
I'LL PUT RONNIE TO BED, AND THEN I'LL COME TAKE CARE OF YOU.
THANKS, MILLIE.
MILLIE? YEAH? HOW LONG DOES THIS LAST? NICK IS STONED ALL THE TIME.
HE DEALS WITH HIS PARENTS WHEN HE'S HIGH.
HE GOES TO CLASS WHEN HE'S HIGH.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? BECAUSTHAT'S RIGHT.
HE'SWE'RE ALL UNHAPPY.
THAT'S THE THING ABOUT LIFE, MILLIE.
THAT'S THE HOR I'M NOT UNHAPPY.
YES, YOU ARE.
WE ALL ARE.
WELL, NOT LIKE YOU GUYS.
WHY NOT? BECAUSE I KNOW GOD'S TAKING CARE OF ME.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD.
I KNOW.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE UNHAPPY.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STONED.
GOD DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
IT'S NOT LICAL.
WELL, I MAY NO BE LOGICAL, BUT I HAVE FAITH.
FAITH BASED ON WHAT? WHAT IF THIS IS A DREAM? WHAT IF ALL OF THIS IS A DREAM? WHAT IF ALL THIS IS A DREAM, AND IT'S NOT EVEN OUR DREAM, IT'S THAT DOG'S DREAM.
MAYBE WE'RE JUS EXISTING IN HIS MIND, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'LL WAKE UP TO GO DRINK OUT OF THE TOILET, AND WE'LL BE GONE.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO US IF THAT DOG WAKES UP? IT'LL BE OVER.
LIFE IS NO THAT DOG'S DAM.
WE LIVE IN GOD'S WORLD.
MILLIE, WHA ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA WAKE UP THIS DOG.
MILLIE, NO.
DON'T, PLEASE.
LINDSAY, IT'LL BE OK.
DON'T WORRY.
DON'T WAKE UP THAT DOG, MILLIE.
PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO.
LINDSAY, IT'S OK.
NO, PLEASE.
JUST HAVE FAITH, LINDSAY.
HAVE FAITH.
NO, NO, NO, NO , NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
ARISE, DOGGY.
[YOWLS.]
ARISE, DOGGY.
ARISE.
[LAUGHING.]
YOU SEE? BELIEVE, LINDSAY.
Doctor: ALL RIGHT, JUST FOR A MINUTE.
OH, BILLY! HI, MOM.
Jean: OH, MY GOSH.
Bill: YOU'RE HURTING ME.
YOU'RE ALIVE! I KNEW YOU'D MAKE IT.
DID I ALMOST DIE? YES.
THAT'S COOL.
Doctor: HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
HIS BODY HAS A LO OF RECOVERING TO DO, SO LET'S LET HIM GET SOME REST.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I GOTTA CALL YOUR DAD.
HE WAS WORRIED SICK.
REALLY? YEAH, OF COURSE.
WE ALL WERE.
COME ON, BOYS.
GET SOME REST, OK? OK.
BILL, ARE YOU OK? YEAH.
I GOT THE SMELL OF BACON IN MY NOSE, BUT THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS AFTER I PASS OUT.
OH, GUESS WHAT? MAUREEN AND VICKI SHOWED UP, AND THEY WERE CRYING.
REALLY? BECAUSE OF ME? YEAH.
THEY WERE REALLY WORRIED.
EVER SINCE THEY THOUGH YOU WERE DYING, THEY'VE BEEN HANGIN' ALL OVER US.
WOW.
WELL, IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN TELL THEM THAT I'M STILL DYING.
REALLY? SURE.
I MEAN, IF IT'LL HELP YOU GUYS GET A DATE.
YOU ARE THE KING.
BUT YOU GUYS HAVE TO COME WITH ME TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION.
ARE YOU KIDDING? WE WERE GONNA DO THAT ANYWAY.
REALLY? OF COURSE.
MMM.
THIS IS SO GOOD.
THIS IS REALLY HITTIN' THE SPOT.
YOU KNOW WHY THIS IS SO GOOD? BECAUSE IT WAS MADE BY FOOD SCIENTISTS.
I'M GONNA GO PUT ON SOME MUSIC.
MAYBE THAT'LL HELP GE THE MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK.
YOU'RE REALLY A GOOD FRIEND, MILLIE.
YOU REALLY SAVED ME.
[MAC DAVIS'DON'T GE HOOKED ON MEPLAYS.]
I DON'T KNOW WHA I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU.
OH, THIS SONG IS THE BEST.
GOD.
WE USED TO LOVE MAC DAVIS, REMEMBER? WE USED TO WATCH HIS SHOW.
YO YEAH.
U USED TO WISH YOU HAD A PILLOW STUFFED WITH HIS HAIR.
BECAUSE IT WAS SO FLUFFY.
GOD, I LOVE MAC DAVIS.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE I LOVE? YOU.
I LOVE YOU, MILLIE.
WHY AREN'T WE FRIENDS ANYMORE? I THOUGH WE WERE FRIENDS.
WE ARE, BUT JUST YOU KNOW.
WE'RE NOT, REALLY.
BUT WE'RE STILL THE SAME PEOPLE WE WERE WHEN WE WERE 5.
IT'S JUS DIFFERENT NOW.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT NOW.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
BUT I'M NOT GONNA BE DIFFERENT ANYMORE.
AME AND WE'RE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS.
YOU KNOW WHAT, LINDSAY? I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
WHY? BECAUSE TOMORROW-- WHEN YOU'RE NO LOADED ANYMO-- YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IN GOD, AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE.
MILLIE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I HOPE NOT.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM ABOU THIS WHOLE THING, AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER, YOU KNOW, JUST LET ME KNOW.
I THINK YOUR SON COULD APOLOGIZE TO BILL NOW.
CONSIDER IT DONE.
WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA YELL AT HIM FROM OUT HERE? COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
HEY, HAVERCHUCK.
HEY, ALAN.
I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T DIE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BE SUCH A WUSS TO DIE FROM A PEANUT.
AREN'T YOU GLAD I DIDN'T DIE? YEAH, I'M GLAD FOR MY SAKE.
THINK I WANT TO END UP IN JUVIE FOR KILLING YOU? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, DORK? I HEARD YOU.
YOU CARE ABOUT ME.
I HEARD EVERYTHING YOU SAID.
I DOT CARE ABOUT YOU.
YEAH, YOU DO.
YOU THINK I'M COOL.
YOU WANT ME TO POUND YOU? DO YOU WAN TO GO WITH US TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION? IT'S THIS WEEKEND.
I DON'T WANT TO HANG OU WITH YOU LOSERS.
WHY NOT? 'CAUSE YOU'RE LOSERS.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
NO, I DON'T.
YEAH, YOU DO.
COME ON.
IT'LL BE SO MUCH FUN.
GEORGE TAKAI IS GONNA BE THERE AND EVERYTHING.
GEORGE TAKAI? YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'D BE KIND OF WEIRD.
WE'RE ALL GONNA MEE AT SAM'S HOUSE AT 10:00 ON SATURDAY.
IF YOU WANT TO GO, JUST SHOW UP.
HAVERCHUCK.
YEAH? I'M SORRY.
HEY, IT'S OK.
JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN, 'CAUSE I COULD DIE.
I KNOW.
HEY, LINDSAY? NE S.]
NIGHT, SWEETIE.
GOOD NIGHT.
HI.
I JUST CAME TO VISIT.
HOW ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU FEELING OK? I AM NOW.
HEY, WHERE'D YOU GE THE DR.
WHO OUTFIT? MOM GAVE IT TO ME FOR NOT DYING.
I REALLY CLEANED UP THIS TIME.
REALLY? AW, MAN, I WISH I HAD ALLERGIES.
I WAN A C3PO MASK.
HEY, GUYS.
HI, GORDON.
HEY, WHERE'S YOUR COSTUME? I PUT EVERYTHING ON IN THE PARKING LOT.
YOU KNOW, THAT WAY I DON'T LOOK LIKE A LOSER ALL DAY.
[SAM LAUGHS.]
OH, DAD? HURRY UP! OH, MAN.
I JUST CAN'T DO IT.