Glee s01e13 Episode Script

Here's what you missed last week.
Will found out Terri's fake pregnant.
Yikes.
Will left, and he's sleeping at school and he's disqualified from sectionals because he slept on a mattress.
And Quinn's pregnant, but Puck's the father, not Finn.
Which is awkward since Quinn's been living at Finn's house since her parents kicked her out.
And Sue gave the competition Will's set list for sectionals.
And Ken and Emma's wedding is that same day, so Will can't go to the wedding and Emma can't go to sectionals, and Ken just seems kind of angry.
- And that's what you missed on - # Glee # I bet we get stuck with Mr.
Sinacori as our sectionals adviser.
The creepy math teacher? He's always singing when he walks down the halls.
Hey, guys.
Did any of you think it was weird the way that Puck rushed to Quinn's aid during rehearsal yesterday? Is it the baby? Is it comin'? I think we're supposed to get hot towels.
Would you both just shut up! There's sweat on the floor.
I slipped, okay? I'm fine.
No.
I mean, he likes her.
They're friends.
We all know that.
Yeah, but it seemed like more than that.
I've never told you guys this before, but I'm a little psychic.
I can't read minds or anything yet but I do have a sixth sense.
Something is definitely going on there.
Uh, we-we gotta go.
- We have to practice.
- Oh, and we will.
As soon as Mr.
Schuester names a faculty adviser to replace him.
It's nothing to be scared of.
It's not like Carrie or anything.
Hey, she's onto it.
I know.
It's really freaking me out.
Hold up.
Artie's buzzing.
I'm going party line.
Dudes, this is serious.
If she finds out, she's gonna tell Finn.
She's a total trout mouth.
Kurt wants in.
I say we lock Rachel up until after sectionals.
I volunteer my basement.
- We can't.
We need her to sing.
- Damn her talent.
- We just heard.
Who told? - We assumed it was you.
- Why would I do that? - To get back at Puck.
- Aren't you guys dating? - Sex is not dating.
If it were, Santana and I would be dating.
Look, I don't wanna rock the boat.
Since Quinn got pregnant, I'm top dog around here.
Hold up.
Rachel's walking by.
Hey, hot mama.
She's gone.
Look, I know I screwed up telling all you guys about Quinn and Puck.
And I feel really terrible about it but we cannot let Rachel figure this out.
If she tells Finn, he's going to flip.
And then we really have no chance at sectionals.
Are you sure about this? But the wedding's on Saturday your wedding.
I know.
We just pushed it back a few hours.
Now it doesn't have to happen in broad daylight.
I want to do this, Will.
I want to take the kids to sectionals.
Okay, but but what about Ken? He's gonna be furious.
I appealed to him as an educator.
You will always choose Schuester over me.
He won't even be there, Ken.
I am doing this for the kids.
I really thought that you of all people would understand this.
This time, I don't think that I do.
He took it great.
Just great.
I can't I can't thank you enough.
Hey.
I know it's not my place but have you had your doctor run the full genetic test panel on your unborn child? I only ask because my Cousin Leon and his wife got pregnant and then they found out that he was a carrier for Tay-Sachs.
- What's that? - It's a genetic disorder.
Pretty terrible from what I understand.
If one of the parents is a carrier, there's a 50% chance that the child has it.
Or something like that.
No.
Leon's-Leon's baby was fine.
It-It was still pretty scary though.
My doctor never mentioned that.
You know I'm such an idiot.
They would only run the test if one of the parents was Jewish.
- Yeah.
OnlyJews carry the gene.
- Oh.
Okay.
Well, see you in rehearsal.
You have to take me to go get thoseJewish baby tests.
Why? Is that even a real thing? If something is wrong with the baby Terri Schuester isn't gonna take it.
And I can't ask Finn.
He'll know something's up.
Does this have to happen tonight? Because I have my fight club.
Hey, guys, let's, uhlet's gather round.
Well, I have found my replacement.
So give it up for Miss Pillsbury.
She's the one they made me talk to when they found out I was keeping that bird in my locker.
So do you even know anything about music? What's important is that she cares about you guys every bit as much as I do.
Now I don't know what the future holds for me and for us.
But I know, Saturday, you're gonna make me proud.
You guys are gonna be great.
So good-bye for now.
Wait.
What about our set list? L-I can't help you with that.
You've gotta figure that out for yourselves.
All right, guys.
Oh, God.
Well, we have to do "Proud Mary" in wheelchairs.
That's in.
- And "Don't Stop Believin"' for sure.
- What about the ballad? I would be thrilled to contribute a ballad from my repertoire.
Okay, you know what, Miss Bossy Pants? Enough.
I've worked just as hard as you, and I'm just as good as you.
You know, you always end up stealing the spotlight.
Mercedes, do you honestly think you're as strong of a balladeer as I am? Ballads are kind of my thing.
Okay, um, Rachel why don't you let Mercedes give it a try? Thanks, Mrs.
P.
Rachel.
Do I even need to tell you what song? Horns, strings, keep up.
#And I am tellin' you # # I'm not goin' # #You're the best man I'll ever know # #There's no way I can ever go # # No, no, there's no way # # No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you # # I'm not livin' without you # #I don't wanna be free # # I'm stayin' # # I'm stayin' # #And you And you # #You're gonna love me # #Yeah, ooh-ooh # #Tear down the mountain Yell, scream and shout # #You can say what you want I'm not walkin' out # #Stop all the rivers Push, strike and kill # # I'm not goin' to leave you # #There's no way I will # #And # # I am # #Tellin' you # # I'm not goin' # #I'm not livin'without you # #Not livin'without you # # I don't wanna be free # # I'm stayin' I'm stayin' # #And youAnd youAnd you# #You're gonna love me # #Yeah # #Yeah-eah-eah # # Love me # # Love me # # Love # # Me # - Yo! - Mercedes! Thoughts? It's clear the room adores you.
And although it wouldn't be my first choice, but I can't wait to see you sing that song at sectionals.
You're amazing, Mercedes, and you deserve it.
- I'm gonna hug you now.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Come on.
That was pretty cool in there.
I know that must have been hard for you.
It was the right thing to do.
I wanted to bring the team together.
Yeah.
You know, I gotta be honest.
I'm kind of pumped about sectionals.
I mean, this has been a hard couple of months with Quinn and the baby and everything, and I don't know.
I really think that winning could make everything good for a while.
You know? Is that stupid? It's not stupid at all.
- Is something up with you? - I want you to be happy, Finn.
- Oh.
- And when you care about someone you can't sit around and watch them suffer when you know you can do something about it.
What are you talking about? I have to tell you something.
Hey, come on! Come on! Get off! Knock it off! Get off him! Get off! - Hey! - Tell the truth! - Punk just walked in and sucker-punched me! - Don't play dumb! - You're too freakin' dumb to play dumb.
- Hey! Come on! Who told you this, Finn? - Obviously, it was Rachel.
- What? I didn't do anything.
Yeah, it was Rachel, but I wanna hear it from you.
- I wanna hear it from both of you.
- Finn, just calm down.
No! They're both lying to me! Is it true? Just tell me.
Is it true? Yes.
Puck is the father.
So all all that stuff in the hot tub - you just made that up? - You were stupid enough to buy it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I am so sorry.
Screw this.
I'm done with you! I'm done with I'm done with all of you! I'm so sorry.
I fully understand if you want to beat me up.
If you can, just try and avoid my nose.
Right.
I'm not mad at you.
All you did is what I wasn't brave enough to do tell the truth.
I I was selfish when I told him.
I wanted to break you two up so he would want to be with me.
And now neither of us have him.
I have hurt so many people.
Can you go now? I just really want to be alone.
Hey.
So, I know you're upset now.
But I want to be with you and I'm gonna do everything I can to be a good dad to our baby.
Thanks.
But I honestly can't handle any more stress in my life right now.
I'm gonna do this on my own.
I know you don't understand it but please respect it.
- So, the competition starts at 11:00.
- Right.
- I'll have my cell phone on.
- I know.
You already told me three times.
And you wrote it down.
Reporting for duty, Mr.
Schuester.
I have to tell you I get terrible public event anxiety.
You know what, Jacob, it's okay.
We just need a 12th member.
All right? So, um, just sway in the back.
- You don't even have to sing.
- Yeah.
Don't even sing.
- Okay.
- Great.
Oh, my God.
So, um, still no word from Finn? No.
I can't thank you enough.
Okay.
Okay.
So, smooth sailing so far.
We're all signed in.
And, um, according to the program you have drawn performance lot number three.
We're going last? Isn't that bad? Hardly.
This is good news.
My extensive auditioning for community theater has taught me that we either want to go first or last.
If we're first, then everyone has to measure up to us.
And if we're last, then we're the freshest in the judges' minds.
And did you ever get any of those parts? I'm with Rachel on this.
The glass is definitely half full with some very good things right now.
Yeah.
Miss Pillsbury's right.
I mean, we're here now, right? No reason not to go in with some positive mojo.
Right.
Right.
- Right.
- Right.
#And you And you And you # #You're gonna love me # #Yeah, oh # - It's a really popular song.
- #Y ou're gonna love # # Me # - # Rollin' # - #Y eah # - # Rollin' # - #Y eah # #Rollin'on the river## We've got a problem.
They're doing all of our numbers.
The kids are completely freaking out.
Artie keeps ramming himself into the wall, and I'm pretty sureJacob Ben Israel just wet himself.
I knew it.
Sue leaked the set list.
Will? Will, these kids need a leader right now.
Just hold tight.
I know what to do.
Okay.
Sue! What kind of teacher are you? Hey, buddy.
I just came by to feed my Venus flytrap.
You leaked the set list, and you are not going to get away with it.
That is a libelous accusation and I insist you retract it immediately.
- You have no proof.
- No proof? You are the only person who had the list.
But other than that, you have no proof.
It's time to face facts, William.
At 1:00 p.
m.
This afternoon, your little club will have had its shot at the big time and they will have failed.
Glee Club will be canceled.
And all that money Figgins has been funneling into your budget will finally and rightfully be restored to mine.
You have crossed a line.
I am not going to sit idly by anymore.
I am going to expose you for the fraud that you have become.
Bring it on, William.
I am reasonably confident that you will be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at.
- Right next to being married - Don't.
Running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian.
Love you like a sistah.
Get your hands off me.
You're not gonna push a woman, are you? I didn't think so.
Hey, Finn.
- Just called your mom.
She told me you'd be here.
- Yeah, you know football season ended, so I'm just cleaning out my things.
Sounds like something that could have waited till Monday.
- You heard anything? - Yeah.
It's pretty bad.
- I can't be there.
- And I can? I can't even be in the same room as her without crying like a girl.
I can't look at him without wanting to punch his face off.
Look, I don't have any more pep talks, Finn.
You know I know how you feel.
Look, all I know is that between you and me I don't think that they can win without you.
But that's not fair.
Why does it always have to come down to me? Why do I always have to be the bigger man? Because sometimes being special sucks.
I just want everything to be like it like it never happened, you know? Well, Finn you can't always get what you want.
Listen I'll be in the choir room.
Oh, Mr.
Schue, you forgot your keys.
No, I didn't.
Nope, your money's no good here.
I'm buying.
Celebratory giant pretzels.
I don't feel much like celebrating.
Why not? One of us is gonna take this thing.
Hi.
Nice set list.
Of course, I haven't heard your deaf kids perform yet - but I hear they're doing "Don't Stop Believing.
" - Um, who are you? I'm so sorry.
Let me introduce myself.
I'm Emma Pillsbury.
I'm the faculty adviser for the McKinley High School Glee Club.
Oh.
What happened to the white guy with theJheri curl? You should be ashamed.
Aren't you ashamed? You're educators.
Actually, no.
You know what? You're more than that.
You take care of disadvantaged kids, and you're teaching them that the only way they can compete in this world is by cheating.
I'm sorry, but what kind of message is that? I don't know what you're talking about.
"Don't Stop Believing" is the most downloaded song in the history of iTunes.
I've only got one good ear, and even I know that.
Scarlet fever.
Right.
And "Proud Mary"in wheelchairs? Do you have any idea how much winnin' is gonna mean to my girls? It's gonna be a life changer make them feel like they're worth something again.
I'm-I'm sorry.
Do you think that they're not gonna know that something's up? The fact that you just magically came up with two brand-new numbers days before competition? They were great up there.
That's all I know.
I think what we have here is a case of deaf racism.
Shame on you.
No, you know what the real shame is? It's that maybe if you believed in them just a little bit more they would have been amazing up there without cheating.
#Don't stop believing # #Hold on to that feeling # #Streetlight people # Meeting in the greenroom in five minutes.
#Don't stop believing ## You leaked the set list.
You don't wanna be here.
You're just Sue Sylvester's little moles.
I know for a fact that's true.
Sue asked us to spy for her.
Look, we may still be Cheerios, but neither of us ever gave Sue the set list.
Well, I I did, but I didn't know what she was gonna do with it.
Okay, look.
Believe what you want but no one's forcing me to be here and if you ever tell anyone this, I'll deny it but I like being in Glee Club.
It's the best part of my day, okay? I wasn't gonna go and mess it up.
I believe you.
Okay, look, guys.
There's no point in us arguing anymore.
- We-We have to go on in an hour.
- And we have no songs.
Perhaps I could improvise some of my def poetry jams.
No.
Look, we're gonna do this the right way.
Let's start with a ballad.
Mercedes, do you have anything else in your repertoire? - Yeah, but it's not as good as anything you're gonna sing.
- No.
We agreed We agreed that I would sing, and I'm telling you, that ain't happening.
Look, Rachel, the truth is, you're the best singer that we've got.
As much as it hurts me to admit itand it does she's right Rachel's our star.
If anyone's gonna go belt it on the fly, it should be her.
Well, I do have something that I've been working on since I was four.
Then I guess we have our ballad, and we can close with "Somebody to Love.
" - It's a real crowd-pleaser.
- Yeah.
That and a can of soup will guarantee us third place.
We still need another song we can all sing together.
I have one.
I found the sheet music online.
I used the Cheerio's copier to make copies then I trashed the thing.
Mike, Matt, Brittany, Santana you're our best dancers.
Figure something out, and we'll all follow your lead.
- It's gonna be choppy.
- Good.
We're best when we're loose.
Look, all we have going for us is that we believe in ourselves, and what we're singing about.
If we can show thejudges that we might have a shot at this thing.
It's good to have you back, Finn.
- Cool if I take my spot back? - Quite.
I was just here because I was hoping to get into Rachel's pants.
Cool, dude? No.
Finn, I - You okay? - Don't worry about me.
Okay? This is all up to you now.
You wanted the solo.
You wanted the chance to be the star.
This is your chance.
Don't screw it up.
Are-Are they nervous? Has it started? - Showtime.
- And now, our final team McKinley High's New Directions.
# Don't tell me not to live Just sit and putter # # Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter # # Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade # # Don't tell me not to fly I've simply got to # # If someone takes a spill it's me and not you # #Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade # # I'm marchin' my band out # # I'm beatin' my drum # #And if I'm fanned out # #Your turn at bat, sir # #At least I didn't fake it # # Hat, sir I guess I didn't make it # # But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection # #Afreckle on the nose of life's complexion # #The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye # # I gotta fly once I gotta try once # #Only can die once Right, sir # #Oh, life is juicy Juicy, and you see # # I gotta have my bite, sir # #Get ready for me, love 'cause I'm a comer # # I simply gotta march My heart's a drummer # # Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade # # I'm gonna live and live now # #Get what I want I know how # #One roll for the whole shebang # #One throw That bell will go clang # # Eye on the target and wham # #One shot, one gunshot and bam # # Hey, Mr.
Arnstein # # Here I am # # I'll march # # My band out # # I'll beat my drum # #And if I'm fanned out # #Your turn at bat, sir At least I didn't fake it # # Hat, sir I guess I didn't make it # #Get ready for me, love 'cause I'm a comer # # I simply gotta march My heart's a drummer # # Nobody, no, nobody # # Is gonna # # Rain on my # # Parade # Ladies and gentlemen New Directions.
- #Y ou can't always get what you want # - #A hh # #You can't always get what you want # # But if you try sometimes # #You'll find # #You get what you need # # I saw her today at the reception # #Aglass of wine in her hand # #Oh, I knew she was gonna meet # #Her connection # #At her feet was a footloose man # - # No, you can't # - #Y ou can't always get what you want # - #Oh, no, no, you can't # - #Y ou can't always get what you want # - #W hat you want # - #Y ou can't always get what you want # - #Y ou can't always get what you want # - # But if you try sometimes # #Well, you just might find # - #Y ou get what you need # - #Oh, yeah # #And I went down # #To the demonstration # #To get my fair share of abuse # #Singin' we're gonna vent our frustration # #If we don't we're gonna blow # - #A 50-amp fuse # - #A 50-amp fuse # - #Sing it to me now # - # Oh, yeah, yeah # #No, no, no, no # #You can't always get what you want # - # No, no, no, no # - #Y ou can't always get what you want # #Oh # # But if you try sometimes # #Well, you just might find # - #Y ou get what you need # - #Y eah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah # #You can't always get what you want # #Oh, whoa, oh # - #Get what you need # - #Oh, yeah # - #W hat you need # - #W hat you need # #Yeah # #What you need # Okay, I'm just gonna come out and say it.
This is a singing competition.
I don't know how those deaf kids got in.
They weren't singing.
They were, like, honking.
And everyone was crying.
And I was, like, " Get off the stage.
You're terrible, and you're making me super uncomfortable.
" Now, hold on just a second, Candy.
Those "Haverhurst" kids twice had me reaching for my handkerchief.
And thoseJane Addams girls had it goin' on in all the right places.
Can I just say something? I have no idea what the hell I'm doin' here.
I'm serious.
I don't understand what a glee club is and I have never even heard the term "show choir" until about three hours ago, when my boss told me he had tickets to NASCAR and I had to fill in at this fool event.
ThoseJane Addams girls I'll be damned if I didn't apportion hundreds of thousands of tax payers' dollars to that school so they can parade their behinds around - like a bunch of hoochie hos.
- The McKinley group was good but didn't seem all that rehearsed, but I like their energy.
Well, I have to admit, I have a soft spot for the Rolling Stones.
I was at Altamont Speedway in '69.
I actually saw that guy get stabbed.
Can't get that image out of my noggin to this day.
I seriously don't know what either one of you are talking about.
I have never been so bored.
I mean, if I had to pick a group that I hated the least It doesn't sound good, guys.
Hey.
Um I just wanted to say how great you all were, and I thought you were amazing.
We have nothing to say to you.
Because we cheated.
I know.
I feel terrible about it, but I'm gonna tell the judges right now that we don't deserve to win.
And your e-mail address is You guys were so much fun to watch.
You should be very proud.
Get me the hell outta here.
Um, excuse me.
Um, I have something I need to tell you.
I'm sorry.
We've made our decision.
- Hi.
- I thought you worked on Saturday afternoon.
Yeah.
I came home early.
I'm tired.
I haven't been sleeping very well.
What's with the monkey suit? - Ken and Emma's wedding.
It's at 4:00.
- Oh, yeah.
Here.
- No, I'm fine.
- Oh.
I want you to know I've been seeing a therapist.
Oh, it's just at the local community center, but still.
Good.
I hope it works out for you.
I'm taking responsibility, Will.
I mean, I'm weak and I'm selfish and I let my anxiety rule my life.
But you know I wasn't always that way.
It's just that I wanted so many things that l-I know we're never gonna have.
But that was okay as long as I still had you.
Say something.
I'm looking at you and I'm trying I mean, I really want to feel that thing I always felt when I looked at you before.
That feeling of family.
Of love.
But it's gone.
Forever? I don't know.
Hey.
Nice ice sculpture.
W-Where's Ken? Um Home, I'd imagine.
Probably trying to regain some of the pride that I stole from him.
- He dumped me.
- What? He said moving the wedding for sectionals was the last straw.
But I thought he understood that-that you were doing this for the kids.
He understood that I wasn't doing it for the kids.
I was doing it for you.
Emma I'm so sorry.
No.
Gosh, no.
It's not your fault.
I I really messed up.
He was absolutely right.
I was settling for him.
Really, one blink from you, Will and I would have been out the door.
So, um I e-mailed my resignation to Figgins.
Oh, E My last day is Monday.
I just can't I just can't be at that school.
I can't see Ken without feeling ashamed and I can't see you without feeling heartbroken.
I just left my wife.
No, I'm sorry.
I, um I'm going.
- But I just - Just left your wife.
Exactly.
You just did.
You make a beautiful bride.
Thank you.
Sue, the directors both from theJane Addams Academy and Haverbrook School for the Deaf have informed me that you gave them the New Directions set list.
You have no proof.
- The set lists were on Cheerios letterhead.
- I didn't do it.
They say "From the desk of Sue Sylvester.
" - Circumstantial evidence.
- They're written in your handwriting.
- Forgeries.
- Sue, there is an orgy of evidence stacked against you.
Well, you've clearly made up your mind not to be impartial in this case so let's see if you can't wrap up this little lecture, slap me on the wrist and let me get back to whipping my squad of champions into shape.
We have to be in Albuquerque in a couple of weeks for nationals.
Sue! Sit down.
Sue, as of today, you are no longer coach of the Cheerios.
- I beg your pardon? - As of today you are no longer coach of the Cheerios.
- I beg your pardon.
- All this time - I thought Mr - I beg your pardon! All this time I thought Mr.
Schuester was overreacting.
And, frankly, I was too willing to look past your monkeyshines because you kept winning, but now you have gone too far.
You have embarrassed yourself and besmirched the name of William McKinley.
- A failed president! - Oh, please.
The greatest one who ever lived.
You are suspended from the school, as of today.
Schue, you have anything to add? - I think you said it all.
- My word is official.
Let it be written.
Okay, if this is the way you wanna play it.
Okay.
Schue.
In light of Sue's interference I am reinstating you as coach of the Glee Club.
I contacted the Ohio Show Choir Governing Board and set the record straight.
Thank you, sir.
My pleasure.
All right.
Good job.
Schuester.
Well played, sir.
I underestimated you.
All right, here's what happens now.
I'm gonna head on down to my condo in Boca brown up a bit, get myself back into fighting shape then I'm gonna return to this school even more hell-bent on your destruction.
Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester.
You are about to board the Sue Sylvester Express.
Destination: Horror.
I look forward to it, Sue.
You know, you just woke a sleeping giant.
Prepare to be crushed.
Well, we have a few things we'd like to show you, Mr.
Schue.
First Ta-da! Ohh.
I am so proud of you guys.
You won fair and square.
The result was unanimous, and the judges didn't even know about all the shenanigans that were going on behind the scenes.
So congratulations.
You earned this.
- Yeah! - Yeah! Give it up.
Come on.
All right.
But now we have regionals to worry about, and you can bet that Vocal Adrenaline is hard at work, so we should be too.
So Let's get started.
Uh, wait, Mr.
Schue.
There's one more thing.
Since you weren't able to be there to see us perform we put together a special number just for you.
Take a seat.
# La, la, la, la, la, la # # La, la, la, la, la # # La, la, la, la, la, la # # La, la, la, la, la # #Guess this means you're sorry # #You're standing at my door # #Guess this means you take back # #All you said before # # Like how much you wanted # #Anyone but me # #Said you'd never come back # # But here you are again # #'Cause we belong # #Together now, yeah # #Forever united # # Here somehow, yeah # #You got a piece of me # #And, honestly # - # My life # - # My life # - #W ould suck # - #W ould suck # #Without you # #I know that I've got issues # # But you're pretty messed up too # # Either way, I found out # # I'm nothin' without you # #'Cause we belong # - #T ogether now # - #Y eah, yeah # #Forever united # #Here somehow, yeah # #You got a piece of me # #And, honestly My life # - #My life # - #W ould suck # #Would suck without you # #'Cause we belong # - #T ogether now, yeah # - #T ogether now # #Forever united # #Here somehow, yeah # #You got a piece of me # #And, honestly # - #My life # - #My life # - #W ould suck # - #W ould suck # #Without you #