Go On s01e13 Episode Script

- Apologise to me, good bye.
- Good bye.
Carrie, not another Real Housewives show.
Let me show you how this is gonna end.
"I thought we were friends.
" "At least my husband still has money!" Drink in the face, drink in the face.
"I love you, bitch.
" There, saved you an hour.
Go vote.
You know, every day, I watch, and every day, you hover and you make your jokes.
I think you like it.
All right, here's the thing: I like stupid girl stuff.
When I got married, I got introduced to a world of reality TV, fun music, and pink drinks, and it was better, and I got a free pass, because my wife was "forcing me.
" What? No, you love guy stuff.
Take a look at my iPod, and not the decoy with all the Zeppelin, the real one.
Wow, that is a lot of Katy Perry.
I don't want to just hang with guys.
They're gross, and hairy, and they don't understand that sometimes, you have to dance with your hands over your head.
Ryan, would you like to be my girlfriend? I thought you'd never ask.
Well, why don't you just ask her? Why are they so bitter? Why? Frickin' jealousy! - I like this.
- Mmm.
All right, ready? - That's not bad.
- Yeah, that's pretty good.
Seen some of the stuff written about you Carrie.
You and your reality shows.
Our reality shows.
And we like the same music.
And I'm sending out for froyo.
Who wants some? - Yeah, sure.
- Froyo for me! - I'm down for some.
- Yeah! - I'd like some.
- That's what I thought.
Go On 1x13 Gooooaaaallll Doll! Okay, everyone, let's deal, let's feel, let's heal.
Sweetie, I love you, but don't ever say any of that again.
All of that stinks.
Look what Yolanda brought to start your new year off right.
It's a Japanese goal-setting doll.
I've seen those.
You write a goal in on the bottom and paint in an eye.
Then the doll watches you and makes you feel guilty until you achieve the goal.
Then when you do, you can fill in the other eye.
My angry grandmother in Tokyo sends them by the crateload.
She writes the goals in for me in Japanese.
"Find a man.
" "Be taller.
" This one is kind of idiomatic, but it basically says, "stop sucking.
" - Can I have that one? - Yeah.
This doll helped me get a better job.
Starting tomorrow, I'm heading up the anesthesiology department at St.
Michael's.
- That's where I work! - That's so nice.
It's so great that I'll have a friend.
I don't want to say no, but I run with Dr.
Grimes and his crew, so the bar for cool is pretty high.
I'm gonna write in "get first date over with.
" I really miss being out with a woman.
I've been hanging out a lot with Carrie, but just as girlfriends.
I really want something real.
Plus, our cycles are starting to sync up, and we can get pretty bitchy.
Tell us about it.
I need all the help I can get.
I feel like I'm in junior high.
All I want to do is be alone with a woman, but the thought of it just fills me with dread.
It's not going to be like junior high.
It's not even gonna be like when you met Janie.
You're a different person now.
The challenge is going to be finding the right woman for you.
I think she means herself.
Engagement ring not same as wedding ring.
What is your type, King? You know who's pretty? Rachel McAdams.
She's great.
I saw her on Jon Stewart.
She's interesting.
She could have been quicker with the comic banter.
Also a little skinny.
I like an inviting bosom.
I like where this is going.
"Funnier Rachel McAdams with bigger boobs.
" I'm sorry, is this where we're setting his bar? The prettiest movie star in the world, but funnier and stacked? I just feel like we should be be discussing some more realistic options.
You have someone in mind? Maybe yourself? You all think it.
I say it.
Boom! No leave hanging.
Welcome back.
If you're just joining, we are here with 18 million-time olympic gold medalist, inventor of the skateboard, Mr.
Shaun White.
Now, you will be competing in Sochi, Russia, in 2014.
Let's talk about tha Shaun, Russia.
Well, y Russ it's a p The place Guys? Guys.
Cut to commercial.
Ryan, hold it together, man.
Really? Just me? Nothing for Shaun? Shaun, dig your whole thing.
Not just your athleticism, but your spirit.
Thank you for letting me experience you, man.
Sorry about earlier.
Carrie doesn't usually have friends who are that attractive, and I got this whole "goal doll" situation, and I promised I'd start dating again.
You have a goal doll too? Dude, this other eye doesn't get filled in until I finish my medieval fantasy novel.
I know, I owe you 20 pages today.
Yeah, well, if you wouldn't mind backing off.
I can't compete against that mane, and the way you shook it out for her earlier.
Ryan, this is my friend, Hannah.
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
She is interested in the radio business.
Well, hello, Hannah.
Here's a tip for aspiring broadcasters, you gotta find the pressure point in every word, and unlock its magic.
See, the pressure point in the word, "word," is the "er" part.
"Wor-rd.
Wor-rd.
" You try it.
Word.
That was crazy.
I think we all witnessed something very special here today.
And this is Shaun white.
Hey, I'm just honored to be here with Ryan King.
By the way, thank you for those snowboard tips you gave me.
Yeah.
I just thought, if you went up just a little higher when you flipped, it'd be radder.
I'm gonna show you the rest of the office.
Yeah, okay.
What the hell was that? I thought you said you would let me have it.
Did I do the hair thing again? Sorry, man.
Reflex.
You just did it for me.
I like you, man.
I don't know what to tell you.
- So - Yay! Hannah, is she single? Because I think she might have been maybe I think, yeah, a little into me.
That's how she makes everybody feel.
It's how she gets everything she wants.
Hello, Kitty.
What is that? You know, 'cause she's being catty.
It's like "meow," but fresh.
I am not being catty.
It's just complicated to be her friend, okay? She wins at everything and sometimes, I don't like myself when I'm around her.
Yeah, I totally get that.
Steven, you know our friend that we hate because he makes us feel bad about ourselves? - No.
- Right, guys don't do that, - because it's deranged.
- Fine.
But you have been warned.
When you get your heart broken, I will be on call for sad girl music and ice cream.
Not gonna get my heart broken, but can we just do that tonight anyway? - Yeah.
- Great.
Hey, listen, I was just joking about that whole "meow" thing, but meow? Okay, you honestly think that I'm jealous of Hannah? Why, 'cause she's perfect and beautiful, and has taken every guy I've ever wanted from me? Wait, is Ryan one of those guys? I don't know, am I a lady brontosaurus? What? Because he's a dinosaur.
He's old, like a dinosaur.
- It's not strong.
- Yeah.
I'm so wound up.
What if nobody likes me? I always get pigeonholed as this nerdy, type "A" stick-in-the-mud.
I bet that's only because you're boring and uptight.
- Yeah.
- But now You can reinvent yourself.
We need to come up with a fun, exciting persona for you.
How about "slutty party girl"? Yes! Anesthesiologists work with drugs.
And I have party dresses, really racy ones from Laura Ashley.
- Hey, Dr.
Grimes.
- Hey, Sonia.
This is the legendary Dr.
Yolanda Mitsawa.
- Can you believe she's sober? - What? Do you want me to crack an egg in that drink? Classic hangover cure.
Yeah! Nice.
I like it.
That was legit party girl.
And I'm waiting to hear back about a job on a film that shoots in Milan.
Ryan, are you okay? Is our table about to crash? I'm sorry.
I'm just so nervous.
You're so beautiful.
And when I get nervous, I spill stuff, and I try to sound smart, and use big words, like "bartinous," and I'll talk about how bartinous the wine is.
"Bartinous" is not a word.
Great, so you're some crazy genius.
I don't stand a chance.
Well, maybe this crazy genius finds your nervousness to be cute.
I don't even care.
And she kissed me, and then I kissed her, and then, when she wasn't looking, I drew in the goal doll's eye.
Congratulations, Ryan.
Looks like all the hard work you've done here in group Screw the group.
Goal doll did it.
Yeah, in one week at my new job, I've totally changed my image.
I'm an incorrigible party girl.
Hey, that's my stash.
What's the hospital gonna use? Put three cubes of sugar in there, or as many men as I've been with.
Today.
Okay, you're gonna start to feel drowsy.
Anybody else want a drag? That is one classic anesthesiologist.
We are crushing it, thanks to goal doll.
Okay, guys, I think we're giving a little too much credit to the doll.
What did she write on the bottom of hers, "be jealous of goal doll?" Ho Yes! After all these months of group, I finally stood up to Hector.
I'm a new man, and I owe it all to Lauren.
Thanks, Danny.
For introducing me to someone who knew about goal doll! - Yeah.
- Ha.
Go, goal doll.
Go, goal doll.
Good, you've added drumming to the chanting.
That is new.
My goal was to find a new way to express group excitement.
Go, goal doll, get busy, life's better with goal doll.
Everybody's drumming.
That's so fun.
There.
Now, you are all ready for your fancy broadcasters' dinner.
Hey, Hannah just dumped me.
What? "I like you, but it's too intense.
Thanks for the memories.
Sad face.
" She actually spelled the words, "sad face.
" What is that, irony? This generation! It can't just be a breakup.
It has to be their take on a breakup.
- You okay? - Yeah, I guess so.
I just I don't get it.
I thought it was going great.
Yeah, it's just what she does.
I mean, if it makes you feel any better, she did the exact same thing to my friend, Bennett.
Thanks, Carrie.
There I was, feeling bad about myself, but then you dropped the "Bennett" bomb.
I mean, if it can happen to "Bennett," it can happen to anyone.
All right.
I can't face this party alone.
You won't go alone.
I'll be your date.
"Thanks, Carrie! Yeah, that's an upgrade!" Hi, Lauren.
The rest of the group decided to take the day off to celebrate goal achievement.
Man, I have worked with you guys for years.
One week with these dolls, and you're all You're wondering if what you do matters? Your work has transformed me.
I am now a more grounded, controlled We're dressing up in costumes? No one go anywhere! Look at you.
Are you okay? Hannah dumped me And according to Twitter, she is now out on a date with Shaun White, and I have to go to a fancy party with Carrie as my pity date.
So you were feeling dread about dating, it went as bad as it possibly could.
How do you feel? You know what's weird? I don't feel that bad.
Everything you've gone through in the past year has helped you build up a certain emotional armor.
Yeah, I guess there's something empowering about having some absolutely horrible thing happen to you.
I feel stronger, less fear.
You know, I've always seen similarities between me and Bruce Wayne.
This is the first time I've felt like Batman.
What do you think Batman would do if he got dumped? Make the night taste cold justice.
Ryan.
He'd go get the girl.
All right, we're thinking Officer and a Gentleman.
Let's do this.
Put me down.
I'm Batman.
I'm Batman.
My godness, is amazing! Hello, Hannah.
Extremely likeable Nemesis.
I'm here to pick you up for our date.
Didn't you get my text? I did, but I'm not accepting it.
Shaun is cool, and I get why you and every single woman in this restaurant would want to be with him, but you and I have something special.
I know you feel that, and I feel it, and I'm sure even "animal" over there can feel it.
- I kinda can.
- Thanks, man.
So it's your call.
You can stay here, or you can come with me and be part of something special.
Going up against me, with no gold medals and brown hair.
That takes "yaitz.
" That's Russian for cojones.
The next Olympics is there, so I'm picking it up.
So, Hannah What's it gonna be? I hate to be rude.
It's okay.
Go have fun.
Sorry.
I'm Batman.
Dr.
Mitsawa? Who are you, her dealer? What do you got, weed or speed? I'm Ed Davis with Human Resources.
Did I forget to fill out some paperwork? Here's my signature for your file.
I saw Betty Boop do that.
It's pretty hot.
Dr.
Mitsawa, there are concerns about your health and competence.
Please report to my office for a drug test.
- What do I do? - Refuse.
If you take a drug test and come out clean, it ruins your rep.
Don't, and the worst thing that happens is someone in authority disapproves of you.
Mr.
Davis, wait! I'm a good girl! I did smell pot once at a Dave Matthews concert, but I blew my nose for 15 minutes! Gotta say, I love entering a room with a beautiful woman.
Just wish I could find one.
And I like this bold Ryan.
You didn't strike me as a "show up and steal a girl from a gold medalist" type.
Who knows what type I am? With fearless Ryan, the possibilities are endless.
Am I a dipping guy? Old Ryan wasn't, but so what? He was also a picky eater.
Now, watch this, the no-look eat.
Old Ryan wasn't all wrong.
I hate this.
Carrie, you look amazing.
- Really? - Yeah.
I feel weird, but I wanted to look good for Ryan, so Who's the skank? Are you threatened by my appearance? That's so nice, thank you! There's Ryan.
I gotta go.
See you.
- Hey, date.
Good news: You are out with a skank tonight.
- Right, Carrie.
You look - Hey, Carrie.
What are you doing here? Carrie took pity on me and was gonna be my date tonight But Hannah's here, so Unless feel like hanging out, doing some assisting Yeah Okay, sure.
Great.
So where did we land? Am I a guy who dips? Yeah, yeah, I think you are.
I think I am too.
Last night was incredible.
I swept Hannah off her feet.
I dipped, I did a no-look eat, like this That's a meat I am not familiar with.
- It's goat.
- Check out how great we look.
And you deserve all the credit.
Not a goal doll, you.
You're amazing.
Ryan, is there a problem with Carrie? She looks really upset.
I don't know, I guess so.
Boy, all this beauty, and your eye goes right to the problem.
Did you not cancel with Carrie? You just showed up with Hannah? That poor girl got all dressed up.
Is that one of those up-dos? Those things take forever.
You know when I said you were "amazing"? I meant "not amazing.
" Where's my goal doll? She'll understand.
She'll want to look at Hannah.
Ryan, I'm really glad that you're feeling stronger, but this emotional armor that you're building up, you have to be careful that it doesn't render you numb to the feelings of those around you.
Lauren's hitting a groove.
Pay attention, goal doll, you have not seen her like this.
Seriously? You won't even talk to me? Sorry, I need to get to my loss group, to mourn the passing of a friend cool Yolanda.
Now, I'm stuck with you, her murderer.
Firm gong hit.
Here comes an insight.
None of you need to try and be cool.
You are all perfect just the way you are.
I feel that Fausta could do a little work on her ego.
You have the entire world to tear you down, to act like a mean girl in junior high.
Yeah, why are girls so mean to each other? Big words, coming from another mean girl.
Socko! I love it when there's a unifying theme.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Ryan, how would you characterize your behavior with Carrie? It wasn't great, it was like Like that of a 15-year-old girl? Perhaps not unlike star of mean girls, Rachel McAdams? No way! My God, she brought it all together.
You are gonna accept your friend for who she is, and you will make things right with Carrie, and now, just because I can Danny, come on, put your hand up.
Put up that goal doll.
Higher.
Hee-ya! Yeah! Yeah.
Hey, I owe you an apology.
I was an unbelievable jerk.
You've been there every step of the way for me, and as soon as I have even the possibility of somebody new in my life, I just toss you aside.
I never tell you this, but you're a really special person to me, and from now on, I'm gonna treat you that way.
Okay? Must've been hard for Janie to stay mad at you.
Yeah.
She couldn't.
I got away with some stuff.
And here, from girlfriend to girlfriend.
These are the ridiculously overpriced snuggly slippers I wanted.
Yeah, they are.
It's a good start, but it's not enough.
I got dressed up for you.
You owe me a great night.
That's gonna happen tonight, and you're gonna put on a tux.
I was expecting a little more gratitude, but this is good too.
Hello, new Ryan.
I hope you're ready, 'cause I'm in the mood to get dipped.
Hannah, I had to cancel our date.
Didn't you get my text? I did, but like you, I'm not accepting it.
I could see why that worked.
That is really attractive.
Could I get a rain check? No, I got that job.
I leave for Milan in the morning, so I have just a few hours, and I'd like to spend them in your bedroom.
It's been awhile for me.
Just to be clear, would I also be in the bedroom in this scenario? You would, Ryan.
Si.
Voglio passare la notte con te, carino.
I can speak sexy language too.
Kleinzoon.
Laars.
Rundergebraad.
My grandma was Dutch.
I just said "hey, grandson, there's too much roast beef in my boots.
" Well, that's good, because I'm a big fan of the Dutch.
Thanks, this is a great night.
Yeah.
Is that lipstick? Yeah.
Had to get out of some plans with Hannah tonight.
So you chose me over Hannah? Yeah, I did.
That's a first.
Feels good! Yeah, you're pretty competitive with Hannah, aren't you? Yeah.
You know, you're not gonna believe this, but I was actually feeling so competitive with her that I started to think that I had feelings for you.
Sorry.
Yeah, you're laughing pretty hard over there.
I mean, can you imagine? You're so old! I wasn't even born when return of the Jedi came out.
You and me.
It's crazy.
You're old.
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Ancient.
Thanks.
Nice.
Yeah, these are women's size 14 Old woman's size 14.
I got 'em at the ancient woman's shop.
If I die in the next six months, I get a refund.
We're trying to be nice now.
We could rekindle our friendship on this trip.
Carrie, they're friends again.
That's so us.
This is very hard to eat with no teeth.
Yeah, your denture is out in the glass back there.
- 'cause of how old I am.
- Yeah.