Gravity Falls (2012) s01e13 Episode Script

Ladies and gentlemen, We now return to cash wheel sponsored by chipackerz.
The chip-flavored crackers! They taste just like chips! Congratulations! You're taking a.
Cash shower! I like that guy's style.
Mr.
Pines! We got tourists at nine o'clock! A whole busload of 'em! Hot tamales! It's a jackpot! Soos, make some new attractions! You got it, boss.
Wendy, mark up those prices! The higher, the better! Higher! Bleed 'em dry! Sheesh, grunkle Stan, It's like when you look at tourists All you see are wallets with legs.
That's not true.
Thanks for taking me to the mystery shack, daddy.
Ha ha! Now, don't spend yourself all in one place.
I'm feeling car sick.
Clean-up on the front lawn! Ladies and gentletourists, Looking around my mystery shack, you'll see many wondrous roadside attractions.
Be amazed at the only known photo of a horse riding another horse.
That's--that's pretty good.
Ooh! Wow! Be astounded by the horrible pre-teen wolf boy! Oh, look at him! All that hair! His body is changing! Aaah! Grunkle Stan, this is demeaning.
What?! I don't know "Da meaning" of that word.
If you throw money at him he dances.
Ow! Hey! Ha ha ha! Ooh! Ha ha! Thank you! Behold! Mystery shack bumper stickers! You can stick 'em on your bumper or Over your husband's mouth.
Am I right, ladies? She knows what I'm talkin' about.
You are bad.
How much? Hey, it's on the house.
That's the Mabel difference.
- Thanks for visiting! - What?! What the heck do you think you're doing? Business! Ching, ching, ching! Listen, kid, you don't make money by giving stuff away.
- You're off of register duty! - But--but-- No "Buts" except yours out the door! Now shut your yap and get to work! Grunkle Stan, whatever happened to "Please" And "Thank you"? Hmm? Oh, wait.
Here they are! "Please" Never made me any money, kid.
In fact, just saying the word is giving me a burning sensation.
Grunkle Stan, why do I have to wear this wolf costume? I think I'm getting hookworm.
Ha ha! Yep, gluing dog hair to your body will do that.
You have all these dumb fake exhibits in the shack.
Meanwhile, I've seen actual amazing things in the forest every day.
What if you hunted down a real attraction instead of lying to people for a living? And you should be nicer to your employees, too.
Yeah! Look, you guys got a problem with how I run the shack, Take it up with the complaints department.
Zing! Ha ha ha! I am going to write them such a letter! And don't stop till you've covered that sign with glitter! Glittery signs attract tourists! Also large birds.
Ha ha! That's funny.
Okay, is it just me, or is having grunkle Stan as a boss seriously the worst? I know, right? Why do we even put up with it? I tried to give him a suggestion to improve the shack once.
I had this idea where I could be, like, the mystery shack mascot-- "Questiony the question mark.
" I ask people questions, You know, do the question dance That sounds amazing! - Oh, cool! - Yeah, totally! Yeah, well, Stan said I couldn't handle it.
He said what?! And remember, folks, We put the "Fun" In "No refunds"! Ha ha! Suckers.
You! Grunkle Stan, you've gone too far this time! Did you seriously tell Soos not to follow his hopes and dreams because he "Couldn't handle it"? Look, kid, let me break it down for you.
Being a boss is about commanding respect.
If you give people everything they ask for, they'll walk all over ya.
No way! I bet you'd make way more money being nice than being a big, grumpy grump to everyone all the time.
Ha! You think you know more about business than I do? You think you could wear this hat? Yeah, because I give people respect.
And glittery stickers.
Ha! I'd make more money on vacation than you would running this place! Then why don't you go on vacation? Interesting.
All right, I'm a wagering man.
Three days.
72 hours.
You run the shack, and I'll go on vacation.
If you make more money than me, I guess it means you're right about the way I run my business.
But if you lose, You gotta wear this "Loser" Shirt all summer.
Ha ha! Fine! But if I win, I get to be the boss for the rest of the summer! Plus, you have to sing an apologizing song with lyrics by me, Mabel.
Oh ho! You got yourself a deal, missy! No, you got yourself a deal! - Deal! Deal! - Deal! Deal! Deal.
See you in 72 hours! Ha ha! We'll see who makes more money.
Mabel, did you just make a bet with a professional con man? Oh, come on.
Being a better boss than Stan will be a cinch.
Profits, here we come! - You broke the jar.
- We'll get a new one.
I guess I shouldn't be too worried.
I mean, how much money could Stan even make on vacation? Can I help you, sir? I'm here to take all the cash from your wheel.
You wanted to see us, mr.
Pines? Stan is no longer with us.
He's dead?! No! It should have been me! Whoa, Soos.
Stan's not dead.
He's on vacation for three days.
We made a bet.
Thank you for that clarification.
Mabel's in charge now! Are those shoulder pads? Uh-huh! It's just one of the many up-to-date managerial tricks I learned from this book I found propping up the kitchen table.
Why does your mug say "NO.
2"? Because the real NO.
1 is you.
- Yeah, I get it.
- Morale! Walk with me.
With me as boss, you're gonna notice a few changes around here.
My job is to help you be your best "Selves.
" Satisfied.
Everyday.
Loving life.
Very much.
Everyday.
Satisfied.
Great listening here so far! Waddles, hold my calls.
All right, people, now rap with me.
Wendy, how can I make your workspace more Wendy-friendly? Hmm.
Well, Stan never lets me hang out with friends at work.
Stan ain't here, sister! Door's open! Sweet! And Soos,I believe this is yours.
Questiony the question mark? I wish this was an exclamation point to show how excited I am.
As for you, Dipper Die, wolf costume, die! I want you to head into those woods and don't come back until you've found an amazing attraction! Finally! Time to show Stan how a real mystery hunter does it! Dipper out! Okay, guys, it's time to prove that nice bosses finish first.
In the next 48 hours, we're gonna fill up this jar with six hundred billion dollars! Yeah! Yeah! Wait.
Do you know how money works? Of course.
Waddles, run down to the shop and grab me a latte.
He's a hungry little guy.
Ahh.
This line is taking forever.
Time to use my old man powers.
Aaah! I'm having a heart attack! And the only cure is to be a contestant on-- On cash wheel! Oh! Someone give me a part! I'm old.
Should we escort him off the lot? That man is a self-centered attention hog with no regard for human decency.
Get him on tv! Whoa, yeah, come on girl Shoulder pads Make that money Mabel's the boss now Walk in, girl Show them boys - Make that money - Time cards.
Time cards.
Time cards.
Boss, boss, boss, boss, boss! It's beautiful! Wow, this is some freak show you got.
Thank you! See you soon! Tell 'em Mabel sent you! Mabel, I captured something! This is gonna blow those tourists away! Marvelous work, valued employee.
Oh! Who's that? Is it questiony the question mark? Ah, I'm starting to have second thoughts about this, Mabel.
I keep forgetting my lines, and this costume is more, uh, revealing than I expected.
Soos, don't give up.
Anything is possible when you "Imaginize it.
" But I don't know what that means.
Shh! Shh Believe in yourself.
But--but I-- Oh, so--so cold.
How's my favorite wendy? Yeah.
Okay, all right.
No.
Look out.
Look out.
Yeah! Keep it goin'! Oh, what's this? Billy! Your face! It's ruined! I'm so sorry.
Please, have a refund.
Wendy, you've got a lot of cleaning up to do.
Please? Whoa.
All this rule stuff is starting to make you sound like Stan.
What?! No, I'm nothing like Stan! In fact, take the rest of the day off.
- With full pay? - Of course.
Mabel Pines, you are the best boss ever.
I'm questiony the question mark! Aaah! Aaah! Oh, don't! It stings so bad! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cash wheel! Now let's meet those contestants.
I'm Doug, from Fairfield, California.
I'm Donna, from-- I'm Stan! Stan Pines! Ha ha! Did we--did we already do me? Hello? I'm Stan! Heh heh.
Okay.
Well, it's gonna be a long night, folks.
It's time to solve-- It's, uh, time to solve that puzzle.
- Carla.
- Yes, Rich? Are there any "S's"? Actually, it's not your turn yet-- I'm ready to solve! No.
The game hasn't started.
Is it "Shut your yaps"? Well played.
Cash shower, cash shower, cash shower Cash shower! Yes! Da da doo.
Mr.
Pines.
No, you don't need to take your clothes off-- No--go to commercial.
Go to commercial! Ladies and gentlemen-- My name's honest Dipper, and, unlike my cheating uncle, I have something to show you that isn't a hoax.
It nearly killed me getting him into that cage.
Behold! Part gremlin, part goblin-- The gremloblin! Well, that's fun.
It's fake, honey.
You can see the strings.
What?! Those aren't strings! That's body hair! Ah, look at this, dear.
The six-pack-o-lope.
Ha ha! Wordplay! No! Everything else here is fake! This is a real paranormal beast.
Hey! Fun fact about this little guy: You look into his eyes, you can see your worst nightmare.
Amazing, right? I work for tips.
Thanks again for visiting! Thanks for shopping with us.
I'll get that! Here ya go.
Sorry! Have refunds! That's the Mabel difference! Well, I just made two people go insane.
- How about you? - I'm so tired.
I gave wendy the day off, so I had to do her job.
Well, maybe you need to start being a little bit tougher around here.
No way! That's what Stan would do! I just need to think positive, be friendly, and everything will work out fine.
What? How did he get out of his locked cage?! Well You gave him a break?! He's an employee! Sort of.
We gotta round him up.
Where's Soos? He was stressed out, so I told him to take a soothing nature walk.
Hello? Civilization? Doggy? Ladies and gentlemen, Stan Pines is poised to become our grand champion! Anything to say to your fans out there? See you tomorrow night, Mabel! What do we do?! He's awarding himself stickers that he didn't even earn! Uh, got it.
"When fighting a gremloblin, use water "only as a last resort, as water will make him much, much scarier.
" Aah! Who writes sentences like that?! Don't worry.
He's gotta leave eventually.
I'm the singin' salmon spendin' all day jammin'.
I'm the singin' salmon spendin' all day jammin'.
I'm the singin' salmon spendin' all day jammin'.
Ohh! Why doesn't he just leave? - Our profits! - Mabel, wait! Stop! Stop! Don't look into his evil eye! You'll see your worst nightmare! I wish we had an evil eye to show him! Oh, no! Aahh.
Wait.
Hey, monster! Take a look at this! Well, at least he didn't do that much damage.
Oh, boy.
Dipper, it's the third day.
We've only got seven hours to earn back our profits Or I've gotta wear that "Loser" Shirt all summer! Hey, guys.
Am I nuts, or does this place look different? Wendy! Soos! Am I glad to see you.
We've got a lot of work to do, but if we hurry, We can still beat Stan! Uh, yeah.
I got a little headache, So maybe I should, like, not work today.
And I actually just met this pack of wolves, And I think they're gonna, like, raise me as one of their own? So I should really be at the den right now.
But--but-- But, hey, we'll see you on monday.
Uh, is anyone gonna eat these? Enough!!! I have had it! I fought a monster to save this business, And this is how you repay me?! I'm gonna get an ulcer from your lollygagging! - Lollygagging? - Ulcer? You're acting different.
You shut your yaps! I've been doing everyone's jobs while you've both been bleeding me dry! - But-- - No "Buts" except yours on the floor, cleaning! - Now quit loafing and get to work! - Yes, Mabel.
That's "Yes, boss.
" Dipper! What have I become? What you had to, Mabel what you had to.
We've got seven hours to turn this around! Let's go, people! You landed on "Cash flood"! Ha ha ha ha! I'm givin' none of this to charity! And now you can go home a thousandaire Or you could risk everything to double your money with the bonus word! Rich, I'm a simple man.
So I'm gonna take my winnings, pack my bags, and Bet them all on the bonus word! Come on! Time is money, hardhats! You got complaints, file 'em with the complaint department! Ohh! My back! Dipper! We got tourists at nine o'clock! What do I show them? Real magic just freaks people out.
Figure something out, knucklehead! Ladies and gentletourists, This shack is filled with wonders never before seen by human eyes! The horrible giant question baby! Am I a man? Am I a baby? These are legitimate questions.
Have your picture taken with it for a buck.
Uh, ten bucks.
A hundred bucks! We put the fun in "No refunds.
" - How'd we do? - We filled the whole jar! Minus the money to replace all the furniture And supplies to fix the shack, that leaves us.
.
One dollar.
- Tick-tock! Time's up, kids! - Oh, no! Nice to see you learned how to dress while I was gone.
How much did you beat us by? I won $300,000! And then For a chance to double your cash or lose it all, What is a six-letter word you use to ask for something politely? For example, "May I blank have that?" Do I look like an idiot, folks? The word is "gimmee.
" twe E's.
Oooh! You know, because you've gone this far, We're gonna give you one more chance.
Let's try again.
It's a "P" Word.
Some might even say it's the "Magic word.
" Abracadabra! Final answer! I'm sorry, Stan, but the word is "Please.
" Apparently that word can make you money.
So, wait.
If you lost everything, Then that means-- Mabel! You won! Whoo! We did it! Wait.
What do we win again? Well, according to our bet, I guess Mabel's the new boss? - No! No! Don't do that! - Huh? What? Grunkle Stan, I had no idea how hard it was being boss.
This place was cuckoo bananas until I started barking orders at people like you.
Yeah, well, I got to admit, It's kind of nice to be back, ya know? Okay, okay, that's enough, get offa me! And Soos, Wendy Get to work! Ahem.
Please.
Uhh! Still hurts.
Mabel, didn't your agreement say something about Stan having to do some kind of apology dance if he lost? N-no.
No, it didn't.
Actually, yeah, I think I have it in my notes here.
No! That never happened! Ha ha! I'll get the camera! All right, let me just-- Grunkle Stan! Uhh.
Look, I'm not gonna-- Do it! I'm Stan, and I was wrong I'm singing "The Stan wrong song" I shouldn't have taken that chance Now here's my remorseful dance Do the kicks! Jazzier! Hey, gimme that! Ow! My back! What do you think? Take thirty!