iCarly s01e13 Episode Script

What is that? Looks like a big sheet.
I want to know what's under the sheet.
And I want to know what's between your ears 'cause it sure ain't brain.
Help me pull this sheet off.
- Okay.
- All right.
Don't! Did I startle you? - Yeah.
- You did.
Sorry.
But what's under this sheet is a big surprise to make up for your last birthday.
I thought you bought her a lava lamp.
He made me a lava lamp, which exploded.
It didn't explode.
It burst into flames.
And then exploded.
Well, yeah.
Anyway, you know how you've been asking me to make you a cool sculpture for the "iCarly" Studio? - And you know the old car you guys got up there? - Sure.
Back up.
- Oh, my god.
- Look at that.
- You made this? - Heck yeah.
I went to the junkyard.
I have an account there.
I found an old bench seat from a '66 ford, Reupholstered it, added cup holders, and installed real police lights.
It's art you can sit upon.
May we sit upon it? I'd be sad if you didn't.
- Cool, awesome.
- Let us sit.
Wait, wait.
Let me turn it on.
- Yeah.
- Sweet.
Now, if you hit that button, you'll hear a real car horn.
Okay.
Electrical wiring just isn't your thing.
No, it is not.
In five, four, three, two I know, you see Somehow the world will change for me And be so wonderful Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there And feel so wonderful It's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel So wake up the members of my nation It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one And the time to see The brighter side of every situation Some things are meant to be So give your best and leave the rest to me Leave it all to me Leave it all to me Just leave it all to me iCarly S01E13 iAm Your Biggest Fan Okay.
Sam gives Carly a haircut? What, are you serious? I think our viewers would get a kick out of seeing me cut your hair.
I'm not letting you near my neck with a pair of scissors.
Fine.
What else we got? Hey, what are you guys doin'? Looking through our show idea cards.
We need one more fun thing to do on next week's "iCarly.
" Hey, did you ever get the software set up to do twister vision? Yeah, I think so.
Let me check.
Yup, set to go.
Good, we'll do twister vision.
Hey, listen to this comment one of our viewers wrote.
If it's about that zit I had last week, I don't wanna hear about it.
It was barely noticeable.
It was a volcano.
Listen, "My name is Mandy, and I think 'iCarly' is the awesomest web show on the whole Internet.
" "I live near Seattle and I was wondering if you guys had ever thought about having a live audience 'cause I'd love to come see the show in person.
" Please write back.
Love and hugs, Mandy.
" And then she types this super smiley emoticon like this.
Live audience? What'cha think? We don't have room in here for an audience.
We got Spencer's cool car seat he gave us.
Yeah, I guess Mandy could sit there.
- An audience of one? - Why not? - I don't care.
- Let's do it.
Carly and Sam roll Freddie in bread crumbs then bake him at 350? Just till he's golden brown.
Okay.
Now it's time for a new segment on "iCarly" which we call "Twister vision.
" It's the twistiest.
But how does it work? Well, with the help of our technical producer, Freddie-- That silly dude right there.
--we can alter reality.
Alter, alter, alter, alter, alter, alter, alter.
Okay, Freddie, start twisting this vision.
Twisting the vision.
- I'm Carly.
- I'm Sam.
- It's Sam.
- That was Carly.
We have hair.
Okay, Freddie.
Back to reality.
Restoring reality.
OK.
Now, we're gonna throw something else new at you.
The other day, we were checking out the comments here at iCarly.
com.
And we found a girl who's gotta be the biggest fan of this web show ever.
This chick's cuckoo for "iCarly.
" So let's bring her out.
Mandy Valdez.
Hi.
Hi, everyone.
I'm on "iCarly," Hey, hi.
- How ya doin', Mandy? - Welcome to the show.
I made some cookies for you, guys.
Look it.
- That is so nice.
- Wow.
She put our faces on the cookies.
Hey, Freddie, zoom in on these.
- I'm Carly.
- I'm Sam.
My face is delicious.
There's a chocolate chip on my brain.
You guys made my cookies talk.
That's so funny.
Ooh, I made a Freddie cookie too.
Here's your cookie, Freddie.
Thanks.
You're a little close to the lens.
Mandy, since you're "iCarly's" First Live audience member ever-- Please step this way where you'll be able to watch the show while sitting upon what we call the-- "Seat of sitting.
" Okay.
And I should point out that this amazing seat was made by my brother-- Spencer.
That's your brother's name.
Wow.
This girl really knows her "iCarly.
" Yes, she does.
It's true.
I do.
This seat is comfortable.
Go on, do your thing.
These stairs are awesome.
So this is the first floor of you guys' apartment? This is, like, where you eat meals and socialize? Uh-huh.
Cool.
Who plays the drums? I don't know.
I'm not sure why those are here.
Oh.
Hey, a mystery.
Yeah.
Well, I guess it's time for you to go.
Thanks so much for being our first live audience member.
Thank me? You're kidding.
Try thank you.
Anybody seen my bottle of lotion? Spencer, how are you? Great.
Awesome.
I haven't seen you since the past.
That's Mandy.
She watches our show a lot, so we had her on as a guest tonight.
You don't know her.
Hey, what's up with the drums? Yeah, we were curious.
Right.
Well, there was a flyer in the lobby for a band that needs a drummer, So I found these at the junkyard and I'm gonna fix 'em up and try out.
Awesome.
Well, all right, Mandy, it was really nice meeting you.
What are you guys gonna do now? Oh, we're just gonna go across the street.
Get some smoothies.
Awesome.
Let's do it.
I have money.
You wanna come with us? Freddie, talk to Mandy.
Hello.
I like your camera work, sweet zooms.
Thank you.
I do try my best to zoom sweetly.
Look, it already bums me out that Freddie gets to come with us.
Now we gotta take her too? You know how much I hate people? Come on.
She's our biggest fan and she wants to buy us smoothies.
Come on, Mandy.
Let's go to Groovy Smoothies.
Awesome.
We'll be like the three musketeers.
But there's four of us.
Touche.
What are your guys' favorite berries? I like cranberries, boysenberries, Blueberries, black berries, I don't like Halle Berry.
There we go.
Let's see now.
I rock too hard.
I just think that for five bucks they could blend it a little bit better So I don't get strawberry lumps stuck in my straw.
Hey, that'd be a cool name for a band.
- Stuck in my straw? - Strawberry lumps.
Better.
Hey, you got your drums all set up.
Sorta.
Hey, where's Freddie and that girl-- - Mandy.
- Freddie went home.
And we finally got rid of Mandy.
Someone needs to take that chick to the Wacky Shack.
She lives here in Seattle? Nah.
But way too close.
She's from Tacoma.
She made her aunt drive her all the way here, so she could be on the show.
Hey, can I spend the night here? You don't wanna go home? Nah.
When my mom buys a new bikini, She usually wears it around for a couple of days to break it in.
If you're my friend, you won't make me look at that.
Can she spend the night? Sure.
Okay.
All fixed, which means I'm now officially a drummer.
How could that even happen? Nice.
This monkey.
Mommy said-- Moron said that you already know about your surprise party and I say you don't.
Surprise party? Surprise.
Sam, Sam, we fell asleep.
"Girly Cow" is on.
Oh, I love "Girly cow.
" - Is this the new one? - I think.
Oh, good.
I can't believe two bulls asked me to the prom and I said moo to both.
Moo-hoo.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I scare you, guys? Yeah.
Kinda.
How'd you get in here? I thought you and your aunt left for Tacoma, like, four hours ago.
We did.
But you guys are so cool.
I made my aunt get a motel room, so I could spend the night here.
Hey, remember on "iCarly" where you guys dressed up wiener dog up like a pig? That rocked.
How'd you get in here? The door was locked.
Yeah.
But not all your windows were.
Hey, remember on "iCarly" when you guys put spaghetti in a blender? That was genius.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
Look, I got another thank you card from our biggest fan.
You guys too? Oh, no, not just another card.
Mandy also sent me seasons one through four of "Girly Cow" on DVD.
She sent me a $40 gift card to Bandana Republic.
Well, I got a new scarf and a box of frozen steaks.
When is she gonna stop? I don't know.
It's been over a week.
Do you know how many times she's text messaged me? - Can I have the steaks? - What? - Hey, gang.
- No.
Can you believe I'm here at Ridgeway? - No.
- No, we can't.
It's true.
I'm officially a bulldog.
Woof.
- But why are you-- - I transferred schools.
You transferred schools, she transferred schools.
I heard her say she transferred schools.
Now we could be together every day.
We'll be like the "iCarly" quartet, The two stars, the tech producer, and the show's biggest fan, me.
Seriously, can I have the steaks? Here I come.
Hey, so you must be Blake from the band.
Yup, and I guess you're Pouncy.
Spencer.
This is my girlfriend and our keyboard player, Suzay.
- Hi, Susie.
- Suzay.
- That's not Susie.
- Suzay.
Right.
Well, then, come on in.
- Sure, man.
- Thanks.
So there's my drum set right there.
Hey, these look just like the drums Kato threw out at the junkyard.
Weird.
Weird coincidence.
Anyway, thanks for comin' by.
I guess you wanna hear me play a little.
Yeah.
We can't actually put you in the band yet until we hear you pound a little bit.
Oh, I'm ready to pound a little bit.
Or a lot of bit.
I'll play the drums now.
Wait, I was just getting started.
You're great.
Really? Yeah.
You're super drummy.
Thanks.
So, can I be in the band or what? Will you answer one very important question? - Does it involve Canadian trivia? - No.
Then I will answer this question.
Can we use this apartment to rehearse whenever we want? Well, sure.
- Then congratulations, Alfonzo.
- Spencer.
You're in the band.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
Yay.
There, we're safe.
What happened? Mandy happened.
I thought she went back to Tacoma.
Yeah, and then she transferred to our school.
Mandy's nuts, dude, the girl is nuts.
She asked if she could do her impression of a duck, then quacked right in my face.
Quacked right in it.
Can't you just tell her to leave you alone? - We tried.
- She won't listen.
She tried to follow us home.
I had to get rid of her by telling her we need some fladoodles for the show.
What are fladoodles? I don't know, I made 'em up.
Are those new drums? Oh yeah, I didn't tell you guys.
I auditioned and I got in the band.
- That's cool.
- Nice going.
Thanks.
Wanna hear how they sound? It's me.
Oh, man.
How can Mandy be back here already? I found fladoodles.
I thought they didn't exist.
She means we thought they'd be really hard to find.
Oh, they were.
I had to try seven different places until I finally found them in this weird Scandinavian market in nordic town.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Great.
But we needed fat free fladoodles.
Oh, fat free.
I also have barbecue, cool ranch, and zesty jalapeno.
Well, baby Will you take me back How was that? Great.
Cool.
Anybody hungry? 'cause I made you guys some special snacks.
BRB.
Look man, that dude drums like puke.
How long are we gonna pretend he's in the band? Come on, he's making us snacks.
It ain't worth it.
Seriously.
He can't play.
All right, we'll just kick him out then.
- Good.
- It's about time.
I hope you guys like deviled eggs and good news.
Good news? You ready? Okay.
What would you say if I told you I booked our band on "Seattle Beat?" - What? "Seattle Beat?" - No way.
Uh-huh.
My buddy Sock-o knows their talent booker, So I e-mailed him a couple of your songs and we are booked on the show for next friday.
Oh my god.
That's awesome.
We've been trying to get booked on "Seattle Beat" for three years.
So, you guys wanted to tell him something? We're just psyched to have you as our drummer.
Glad you're in the band, dude.
Yeah.
Let's play it up.
One, two, three, four.
All right, in five, four, three, two-- And now.
Web casting to you live from Seattle.
My name is Carly.
And my name is Sam-- And my name's mandy.
Yes, you remember Mandy.
Our audience member from last week-- who's still here and is supposed to be sitting quietly in her seat over there.
Oh right, sorry.
Go "iCarly.
" Okay, tonight we're gonna kick off the show with one of your favorites.
Messin' with Lewbert.
We're about to play the best trick ever on my horrible doorman.
Who may be the most disgusting dude in all of doormanity? Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
That was my impression of a duck.
Ooh, here it comes again.
Quack, quack.
Yes.
Quack, quack.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What's wrong? Who's this from? My band.
Read it out loud.
Dear Splinter.
He never did learn my name.
Thanks for getting us booked on "Seattle Beat.
" You rock for that.
Unfortunately, your drumming is suckish.
Aw.
That's where I said "Aw" too.
So we've decided to go ahead with our appearance on "Seattle Beat," But we're kicking you out of the band.
Also, we took the rest of the deviled eggs and stole your drums.
Take care, Blake.
Well, that wasn't nice at all.
Nope.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
I'm just sitting here listening to their music.
Well, don't do that, they're mean people.
I know.
But their music is so good.
They took my drums.
- Hey.
- You ready? Yeah.
We're gonna go upstairs and jam on some more ideas for "iCarly" before mandy shows up.
Okay.
I'm gonna go for a walk.
Take an umbrella.
I don't want to.
Why is he all sad? Tell you later.
Let's just get upstairs before you know who shows up.
Yeah.
Carly? You home from school yet? Freddie? This music is fantastic.
Yeah, rock it baby.
- And that was this week's-- - "Celebrity Armpit.
" - Okay now.
- To conclude this fine web cast Sam and I will demonstrate the classic comedy bitnstrate called "the spit take.
" Hey Carly, remember at lunch when you asked me to put ketchup on your fries? Mm-hmm.
It was really chicken blood.
And that's what's known as-- "The spit take.
" Okay, check us out next week-- Here at iCarly.
com.
- Ciao.
- Bye-bye.
Keep clicking away, iCarly.
Com-- yeah, keep watchin'.
And we're clear.
Awesome show, you guys.
- You too.
- Agreed.
And now some punch for you, for you, and for me.
To Mandy, who knows what happened to her.
Let's just be psyched that she's out of our lives.
Mm, awesome spit take, by the way.
Yeah, it felt good.
Carly.
Guys.
You guys.
What's up? Turn on the TV, Channel Seven.
- What's on? - "Seattle Beat.
" I turned it on to see if the band was using my stolen drums-- they were, and right in the middle of their song-- Here, I got it.
Get off the stage.
That's Mandy.
- Omg.
- This is too great.
People of Seattle, this is the best band ever, And I'm your guys' biggest fan in the whole wide world.
Look, I made you guys cookies with your faces on them, see? Here's Blake, Derek, and Susie.
Suzay.
I can hang out with you guys all the time.
Hey, somebody call the cops.
Quack.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
Quack, quack.
Here it goes again.
Whoa.
Go Mandy.
Go mandy.
Yeah.
Hi, Carly, Sam and Freddie, My name is Ashton and I live in South California.
And this is my special talent.
This is an apron and it's gonna throw me about 30 feet over the pad.
I'm a trained professional, so don't try this at home.
Love your show.
Bye.