Life with Boys (2011) s01e13 Episode Script
Trouble with Boys
Good practice, Wolf Pack! Great, thank you.
Thank you.
Harris and Sutton, I need your permission slips for regionals signed by your parents for tomorrow.
Why can't you be more like Foster? Hers was on my desk three days ago.
Kudos to your old man.
Dad, don't single me out like that.
It's embarrassing.
And it makes it look like you're playing favourites.
I'm sorry, honey.
I'll fix it.
That's enough back talk, Foster.
Now, drop and give me ten push-ups! You can do them on your knees if you want to.
Gee, thanks.
Hey, guys.
Hey, looking good, Allie.
Look somewhere else, Andy.
So, you want to meet for milkshakes after practice? Only if we can call them smoothies and pretend they're healthy.
Duh.
Parelli, what are you doing here? This is our gym.
I got this, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, I'm only here for Let me guess.
Big "hot shot city champion" wants a rematch 'cause he can't handle he had to forfeit his last match to a "wittle" girl? Hey, okay, we were both hurt.
You had to forfeit too.
Yeah, but you had to forfeit to a "wittle" girl.
Stop that! Make me! I'm not here to fight you.
Sure you are.
Face it, you came down here so the other Pineview pinheads would stop teasing you for forfeiting to a Don't say it.
You're right.
I'm better than that.
Andy? "Wittle" girl.
All right, that's it! Just warning you, these mats haven't been cleaned in a while.
So, you might want to close your mouth for when I smoosh your face into it.
Hey, I just hope your boyfriend doesn't get too upset when I destroy you.
Oh, that's right, you don't have one.
That is not cool.
You think being the only girl on the wrestling team is easy for me? Hey, look, I'm sorry.
I just Sucker! Ah! Get off! Stop it.
Let go.
Tess, stop it.
You're going to hurt him! That's the point! But you can't! Why not? He's my boyfriend.
What? Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life Could you please stop? These aren't exactly "chase your friend for eight blocks" shoes.
You're right.
They're more like "stab your friend in the back" shoes.
Come on, I'm sorry.
But I tried to tell you I was dating Bobby.
When? Hey, Tess, what's going on? Worst morning ever.
Gabe left me no hot water.
Sam left me no clean towels.
And Spencer left me a nice fresh knee scab on my loofah.
I'll never be able to eat an English muffin with jelly on it again.
Anything new with you? Nope, same old, same old.
Bye.
Okay, you were in a really bad mood and I didn't want to make it worse.
I tried again at lunch.
Hey, Tess, how was math? Epic! I aced the pop quiz.
Kaylee totally got busted for passing notes.
And when she tried to fake cry her way out of it, real snot shot out of her nose.
Wa-chh! Oh yeah.
Oh, and I got it on video! Best class ever! Great.
I have nothing to tell you.
Got to go.
Goodbye.
Okay, you were in a really good mood and I didn't want to ruin it.
I tried again after school.
All right, I've been trying to tell you something all day.
So, I'm just going to spit it out.
Uhh, what? I'm going out Yeah? Of my way to be nicer to kids I don't know! Hi, I'm Allie! Let's be friends! Seriously? You betcha! See you after practice.
Loving the headgear.
Thanks! And why couldn't you tell me then? Okay, that time I just bailed.
See? This is why I didn't tell you.
I knew you'd freak out like this and have a cow.
I am not having a cow! Seriously? Do I look like I'm in the mood for a mock-moo? Uh-uh.
Did you even consider my feelings? F-word alert! Relax.
We're good as long as they don't say "Feelings" a second time.
Well, what about my feelings? And we're out! I was thinking about your feelings! Run, run, run! Look, Bobby is a jerk and you deserve better.
I know you don't like him.
But that's because you don't really know him.
Trust me, he's sweet and amazing and if you just gave him a Gentle push off a tall building? I was going to say "Chance".
Hi, Bobby.
Oh, I miss you, too No, I think she's taking it pretty well.
Let me call you back.
Please, I know I act all boy-crazy like one's just as good as the other, but Bobby's special.
I mean, he's my first real boyfriend.
I just want you to like him.
I want to be there for you.
I do.
But Bobby Parelli? Come on, can't you just be happy for me? Please? Please don't make me choose between my boyfriend and my "bestest" friend.
Oh no, no, no, no, not the the puppy dog eyes.
You know I'll choose you.
Ah, fine.
Stupid puppy dog eyes.
Thank you, thank you.
You're the best friend ever.
Hello? Hello? Ah, well, what do you know, Jackie Boy, the entire house to myself.
Looks like someone can finally play Call of Duty without getting blown up by one of his own kids.
Get out, get out, get out, get out! You said you wouldn't be here! I trusted you! Oh, how I miss the days of "Daddy's home!" What's going on? Nothing.
Samuel Joseph Foster.
Don't give me that suspicious look, Mr.
"I'm off to my pickup basketball game but then waltz back in 40 minutes later like I own the place," which, technically, you won't for another 16 years, 2 months.
Yes, I look at the mortgage.
I'm a worrier.
Okay.
Uhh, well, I'm home because during pre-game stretches, three guys pulled hammies and Meyer sat on a bee.
In three minutes, he looked like he had junk in half his trunk.
So, that's my story.
I'm eager to hear yours.
Dad, I want you to look me in the eyes.
All right.
You can trust me.
There is nothing going on.
Don't get that.
All right, that's my math tutor.
Math tutor? You? I was ashamed.
Come on, since when do you need help with math? I don't get it.
Hi, I'm Emma.
I'm Sam's tutor.
Now I get it.
Hi.
Could you excuse us for one second? Please.
Sam, you can't get girls over here by lying.
It's wrong and you know it.
Oh come on, Dad, like you never tried something like this when you were my age.
Absolutely not.
Jack David Foster.
Okay, fine.
I did.
But it bit me in the butt.
And that's exactly what's going to happen to you.
Please, I think I'm a little smarter than you were at my age.
No offense.
How is that no offense? That was an offense.
I am definitely offended.
Won't you please come in? Look at this: Me, my boyfriend and my best friend all at the movies together.
Is this great or what? Until he stops picking the popcorn out with his tongue, I'm going to have to go with "Or what?" Be nice.
Fine.
Bobby, would you like the aisle? That's okay, Tess.
If you'd like it, you can take it.
No, no, you see, I never said I wanted it.
So, I was being nice by offering it to you.
If you never wanted it in the first place, how is offering it to me being nice? How about I take the aisle? No, Bobby's going to take it.
Nah, Tess is going to take it.
I don't care who takes it! What I do care about is I'm paying a babysitter $20 an hour to get away from obnoxious kids like you! Now sit! Sorry, Ma'am.
And if you make any noise during the movie, I will kick the back of your seats.
Oh, I'll do it, hard.
Sorry, won't happen again.
Really hard.
Ow! You said, "During the movie".
I lied.
Okay.
Mom, would you please stop calling? It's so not cool.
And neither was yelling "Make good choices" as Bobby and I left the house.
Oh.
I'll be right back.
Look, Allie's right.
We should just call a truce until the end of this stupid movie.
You think it's stupid? Please.
"She's rich, he's poor.
She's ballet, he's hip-hop.
Can it work out or can't it?" Blech.
Tell me about it.
I wanted to see Kung Fu Smackdown II.
So did I! The first one was amazing! "Me against 30 of you? That is hardly fair.
" "You need more men.
" I hate other people's kids.
And what about that soundtrack? Are you kidding me? Iron Fist is one of my favourite bands.
But Allie hates them.
Yeah, I know.
So, you don't like the same movies.
You don't like the same music.
What do you have in common? Not much, I guess.
Then why are you dating her? Why am I dating her? Why am I dating her? Why am I dating her? Yeah.
I should be dating you.
Exa What now? I mean, look how much we have in common.
We have nothing in common! Come on, you just said it.
We like the same movies, the same music, we're both wrestlers No, we're not.
I just decided to quit, don't like it anymore.
Feel the same way about movies and music, hate 'em all.
Moving on.
Oh, wow.
You like me too.
No.
No, no.
I hate you.
Hate is only love hiding behind the great wall of denial.
That's stupid and you stole it from Ghost Ninja: The Legend of Wing Fat.
Which is an awesome movie! I know! Stop it! There is no way we are ever, ever going to date! Look, I feel bad about Allie too but I'm back! Hey! Sorry it took me so long.
I stopped to buy chocolate covered raisins 'cause I know you both love 'em.
No, I don't! You love chocolate covered raisins too? No, I don't! Yes, you do.
No, I don't! Stop picking fights.
Look, you guys are even sitting together.
I'm so glad my best friend and my boyfriend are starting to like each other.
Yeah.
Okay, "If Sarah could read how long would it take her to read 360 pages?" Oh, wow, gee, I think, umm, would that maybe be ten hours? Yes! This is amazing, Sam! I really think you're starting to get this! Well, I have a really great tutor.
Umm, Sam, my hand? Oh, sorry, I was pre-high-fiving in hopes of getting the next one right.
You're so cute.
Want to go on to the next problem? Sure.
Sure.
"Okay, Jasmine has an average of 95 on 15 quizzes.
If her teacher drops her lowest grade, a 72, what equation can can be used to find "N", her new quiz average?" Want to go out sometime? Unless you don't want to, in which case I'm kidding, 'cause I'm a kidder.
I have a girlfriend, in Hawaii.
She's a princess.
We don't see each other much.
That's too bad 'cause I was going to say we should get some fro-yo afterwards.
We just broke up! Long distance relationships never work.
Okay, let's just finish the problem first.
N equals 95 times 15 minus 72 over 14.
Let's go! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
The right answer is actually N equals 95 times 14 minus 72 over 15.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
But that's ridiculous! Solve for N in your equation, her average goes down.
You'd have to be a complete idiot to think that was the right answer! Did you just call me an idiot? Uhh, still reeling from my break-up with Princess Kamon Iwanna Hackalugee.
You never needed a tutor, did you? Well Okay, so first you lie to me and then you call me an idiot? That fro-yo's not going to happen, is it? Oh, wow, look at that, an answer we both agree on, Jerk.
I'm sorry, please.
I didn't mean you were an idiot.
I just meant you said something an idiot would say.
Know what, that didn't come out right.
Hang on, Mom, she just found out he was lying.
Remember that time I lied to Patty Snyder? She turned the hose on me.
Ah! Oh, wow.
Some things never change.
If you love me, you won't say it.
Allie, I couldn't talk to you with Bobby around, but can you call me as soon as you get this? I have something way important to tell you.
And I know it's probably going to make you super mad.
But once I tell you my side of it, I know you'll understand.
Bobby just broke up with me.
Already I mean, really? He said he likes somebody else.
Look, Allie, I know it hurts, but don't you think you're just being the teeniest, tiniest little bit If you say "Dramatic", I'm going to fly to Paris, climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower and throw myself onto the first newlyweds I see.
If I can't have love, why should they? You're right.
You're not being dramatic at all.
Sarcasm? Really? At a time like this? Look, all I'm saying is that any guy that would dump an incredible girl like you for some Tarty, trampy, Bobby-robbing she-devil! Or possibly an innocent victim of circumstance who did nothing to lead him on.
Just another way to go.
You left me a message? What's up? Nothing! Erase it! Hit three! What's going to make me super mad, but when I hear your side of the story, you know I'll understand? I just can't believe Bobby dumped you.
Bobby! Look, the important thing for you to remember is there are plenty of guys out there.
Like Gabe, for example.
He's alive.
Let me leave or give me something to spit in.
And a charmer to boot.
Too late.
Ugh.
Doesn't have to be Gabe.
It can be any of the million alive guys.
I don't want another guy.
I want Bobby! And when I find out who that other girl is, she better watch out because I Oh, look, her head just snapped right off.
Tess, could you come down here? I'm a little busy right now! You're going to have to wait! Don't think it can! Just a second.
It's okay.
You can go.
No.
My best friend is in pain.
And I am not the kind of person to abandon her in her hour of need.
Be right back.
What are you doing here? After what happened at the movies, I couldn't lie to Allie.
So, I broke up with her and now we can date.
You want to date him? No, I don't want to date him! Then why'd you tell me break up with Allie? You told him break up with Allie? No, I didn't tell him to break up with Allie! Well, actually, I did.
But not for me, for her.
O.
M.
G.
This is like the Twitter thing.
It's all in English, but it doesn't make any sense.
Look, Allie is right upstairs! You have to get out of here before she hears you! She's gonna find out about us sooner or later.
She may as well hear it from both of us.
I mean, don't you think we should be honest with her? "We"? What "We"? There is no "We"! The only "We" in this family is in the almost-never-flushed toilet upstairs! Hey, my kid brother never flushes the toilet either.
Really? Stop it! I'll stop when you admit you like me.
I don't! You do! I don't! You do and I can prove it! How? Let me kiss you.
Okay.
Tess! How could you do this to me? You're the tarty, trampy, Bobby-robbing she-devil?! Okay, I know it looks like that, but it's not exactly that.
Then exactly what is it? Give me a minute.
I can't believe you stole my boyfriend! Okay, first, that was definitely not a minute.
And second, I did not steal him! Tell her.
It's true.
All she did was go on and on about everything you and I don't have in common, and all the stuff that her and I do.
Okay, once again, it's that, but not exactly that.
Look, I may have accidentally, in an innocent bystander sort of way, done what Mr.
Helpful here said I did.
But not because I wanted to date him.
I did it because I thought you were completely wrong for each other.
Oh, then I guess it's okay since you obviously know better than me what makes me happy.
I mean, don't I look happy now? Okay, when you spin it like that, it kind of makes me sound like the worst friend ever.
And you know that's not true.
You do know that, right? Not anymore.
No.
Allie, I don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry.
Sorry you kissed him or sorry you got caught? I, um That's what I thought.
It's weird.
I keep thinking this is somehow my fault.
Thank you.
Harris and Sutton, I need your permission slips for regionals signed by your parents for tomorrow.
Why can't you be more like Foster? Hers was on my desk three days ago.
Kudos to your old man.
Dad, don't single me out like that.
It's embarrassing.
And it makes it look like you're playing favourites.
I'm sorry, honey.
I'll fix it.
That's enough back talk, Foster.
Now, drop and give me ten push-ups! You can do them on your knees if you want to.
Gee, thanks.
Hey, guys.
Hey, looking good, Allie.
Look somewhere else, Andy.
So, you want to meet for milkshakes after practice? Only if we can call them smoothies and pretend they're healthy.
Duh.
Parelli, what are you doing here? This is our gym.
I got this, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, I'm only here for Let me guess.
Big "hot shot city champion" wants a rematch 'cause he can't handle he had to forfeit his last match to a "wittle" girl? Hey, okay, we were both hurt.
You had to forfeit too.
Yeah, but you had to forfeit to a "wittle" girl.
Stop that! Make me! I'm not here to fight you.
Sure you are.
Face it, you came down here so the other Pineview pinheads would stop teasing you for forfeiting to a Don't say it.
You're right.
I'm better than that.
Andy? "Wittle" girl.
All right, that's it! Just warning you, these mats haven't been cleaned in a while.
So, you might want to close your mouth for when I smoosh your face into it.
Hey, I just hope your boyfriend doesn't get too upset when I destroy you.
Oh, that's right, you don't have one.
That is not cool.
You think being the only girl on the wrestling team is easy for me? Hey, look, I'm sorry.
I just Sucker! Ah! Get off! Stop it.
Let go.
Tess, stop it.
You're going to hurt him! That's the point! But you can't! Why not? He's my boyfriend.
What? Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life Could you please stop? These aren't exactly "chase your friend for eight blocks" shoes.
You're right.
They're more like "stab your friend in the back" shoes.
Come on, I'm sorry.
But I tried to tell you I was dating Bobby.
When? Hey, Tess, what's going on? Worst morning ever.
Gabe left me no hot water.
Sam left me no clean towels.
And Spencer left me a nice fresh knee scab on my loofah.
I'll never be able to eat an English muffin with jelly on it again.
Anything new with you? Nope, same old, same old.
Bye.
Okay, you were in a really bad mood and I didn't want to make it worse.
I tried again at lunch.
Hey, Tess, how was math? Epic! I aced the pop quiz.
Kaylee totally got busted for passing notes.
And when she tried to fake cry her way out of it, real snot shot out of her nose.
Wa-chh! Oh yeah.
Oh, and I got it on video! Best class ever! Great.
I have nothing to tell you.
Got to go.
Goodbye.
Okay, you were in a really good mood and I didn't want to ruin it.
I tried again after school.
All right, I've been trying to tell you something all day.
So, I'm just going to spit it out.
Uhh, what? I'm going out Yeah? Of my way to be nicer to kids I don't know! Hi, I'm Allie! Let's be friends! Seriously? You betcha! See you after practice.
Loving the headgear.
Thanks! And why couldn't you tell me then? Okay, that time I just bailed.
See? This is why I didn't tell you.
I knew you'd freak out like this and have a cow.
I am not having a cow! Seriously? Do I look like I'm in the mood for a mock-moo? Uh-uh.
Did you even consider my feelings? F-word alert! Relax.
We're good as long as they don't say "Feelings" a second time.
Well, what about my feelings? And we're out! I was thinking about your feelings! Run, run, run! Look, Bobby is a jerk and you deserve better.
I know you don't like him.
But that's because you don't really know him.
Trust me, he's sweet and amazing and if you just gave him a Gentle push off a tall building? I was going to say "Chance".
Hi, Bobby.
Oh, I miss you, too No, I think she's taking it pretty well.
Let me call you back.
Please, I know I act all boy-crazy like one's just as good as the other, but Bobby's special.
I mean, he's my first real boyfriend.
I just want you to like him.
I want to be there for you.
I do.
But Bobby Parelli? Come on, can't you just be happy for me? Please? Please don't make me choose between my boyfriend and my "bestest" friend.
Oh no, no, no, no, not the the puppy dog eyes.
You know I'll choose you.
Ah, fine.
Stupid puppy dog eyes.
Thank you, thank you.
You're the best friend ever.
Hello? Hello? Ah, well, what do you know, Jackie Boy, the entire house to myself.
Looks like someone can finally play Call of Duty without getting blown up by one of his own kids.
Get out, get out, get out, get out! You said you wouldn't be here! I trusted you! Oh, how I miss the days of "Daddy's home!" What's going on? Nothing.
Samuel Joseph Foster.
Don't give me that suspicious look, Mr.
"I'm off to my pickup basketball game but then waltz back in 40 minutes later like I own the place," which, technically, you won't for another 16 years, 2 months.
Yes, I look at the mortgage.
I'm a worrier.
Okay.
Uhh, well, I'm home because during pre-game stretches, three guys pulled hammies and Meyer sat on a bee.
In three minutes, he looked like he had junk in half his trunk.
So, that's my story.
I'm eager to hear yours.
Dad, I want you to look me in the eyes.
All right.
You can trust me.
There is nothing going on.
Don't get that.
All right, that's my math tutor.
Math tutor? You? I was ashamed.
Come on, since when do you need help with math? I don't get it.
Hi, I'm Emma.
I'm Sam's tutor.
Now I get it.
Hi.
Could you excuse us for one second? Please.
Sam, you can't get girls over here by lying.
It's wrong and you know it.
Oh come on, Dad, like you never tried something like this when you were my age.
Absolutely not.
Jack David Foster.
Okay, fine.
I did.
But it bit me in the butt.
And that's exactly what's going to happen to you.
Please, I think I'm a little smarter than you were at my age.
No offense.
How is that no offense? That was an offense.
I am definitely offended.
Won't you please come in? Look at this: Me, my boyfriend and my best friend all at the movies together.
Is this great or what? Until he stops picking the popcorn out with his tongue, I'm going to have to go with "Or what?" Be nice.
Fine.
Bobby, would you like the aisle? That's okay, Tess.
If you'd like it, you can take it.
No, no, you see, I never said I wanted it.
So, I was being nice by offering it to you.
If you never wanted it in the first place, how is offering it to me being nice? How about I take the aisle? No, Bobby's going to take it.
Nah, Tess is going to take it.
I don't care who takes it! What I do care about is I'm paying a babysitter $20 an hour to get away from obnoxious kids like you! Now sit! Sorry, Ma'am.
And if you make any noise during the movie, I will kick the back of your seats.
Oh, I'll do it, hard.
Sorry, won't happen again.
Really hard.
Ow! You said, "During the movie".
I lied.
Okay.
Mom, would you please stop calling? It's so not cool.
And neither was yelling "Make good choices" as Bobby and I left the house.
Oh.
I'll be right back.
Look, Allie's right.
We should just call a truce until the end of this stupid movie.
You think it's stupid? Please.
"She's rich, he's poor.
She's ballet, he's hip-hop.
Can it work out or can't it?" Blech.
Tell me about it.
I wanted to see Kung Fu Smackdown II.
So did I! The first one was amazing! "Me against 30 of you? That is hardly fair.
" "You need more men.
" I hate other people's kids.
And what about that soundtrack? Are you kidding me? Iron Fist is one of my favourite bands.
But Allie hates them.
Yeah, I know.
So, you don't like the same movies.
You don't like the same music.
What do you have in common? Not much, I guess.
Then why are you dating her? Why am I dating her? Why am I dating her? Why am I dating her? Yeah.
I should be dating you.
Exa What now? I mean, look how much we have in common.
We have nothing in common! Come on, you just said it.
We like the same movies, the same music, we're both wrestlers No, we're not.
I just decided to quit, don't like it anymore.
Feel the same way about movies and music, hate 'em all.
Moving on.
Oh, wow.
You like me too.
No.
No, no.
I hate you.
Hate is only love hiding behind the great wall of denial.
That's stupid and you stole it from Ghost Ninja: The Legend of Wing Fat.
Which is an awesome movie! I know! Stop it! There is no way we are ever, ever going to date! Look, I feel bad about Allie too but I'm back! Hey! Sorry it took me so long.
I stopped to buy chocolate covered raisins 'cause I know you both love 'em.
No, I don't! You love chocolate covered raisins too? No, I don't! Yes, you do.
No, I don't! Stop picking fights.
Look, you guys are even sitting together.
I'm so glad my best friend and my boyfriend are starting to like each other.
Yeah.
Okay, "If Sarah could read how long would it take her to read 360 pages?" Oh, wow, gee, I think, umm, would that maybe be ten hours? Yes! This is amazing, Sam! I really think you're starting to get this! Well, I have a really great tutor.
Umm, Sam, my hand? Oh, sorry, I was pre-high-fiving in hopes of getting the next one right.
You're so cute.
Want to go on to the next problem? Sure.
Sure.
"Okay, Jasmine has an average of 95 on 15 quizzes.
If her teacher drops her lowest grade, a 72, what equation can can be used to find "N", her new quiz average?" Want to go out sometime? Unless you don't want to, in which case I'm kidding, 'cause I'm a kidder.
I have a girlfriend, in Hawaii.
She's a princess.
We don't see each other much.
That's too bad 'cause I was going to say we should get some fro-yo afterwards.
We just broke up! Long distance relationships never work.
Okay, let's just finish the problem first.
N equals 95 times 15 minus 72 over 14.
Let's go! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
The right answer is actually N equals 95 times 14 minus 72 over 15.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
But that's ridiculous! Solve for N in your equation, her average goes down.
You'd have to be a complete idiot to think that was the right answer! Did you just call me an idiot? Uhh, still reeling from my break-up with Princess Kamon Iwanna Hackalugee.
You never needed a tutor, did you? Well Okay, so first you lie to me and then you call me an idiot? That fro-yo's not going to happen, is it? Oh, wow, look at that, an answer we both agree on, Jerk.
I'm sorry, please.
I didn't mean you were an idiot.
I just meant you said something an idiot would say.
Know what, that didn't come out right.
Hang on, Mom, she just found out he was lying.
Remember that time I lied to Patty Snyder? She turned the hose on me.
Ah! Oh, wow.
Some things never change.
If you love me, you won't say it.
Allie, I couldn't talk to you with Bobby around, but can you call me as soon as you get this? I have something way important to tell you.
And I know it's probably going to make you super mad.
But once I tell you my side of it, I know you'll understand.
Bobby just broke up with me.
Already I mean, really? He said he likes somebody else.
Look, Allie, I know it hurts, but don't you think you're just being the teeniest, tiniest little bit If you say "Dramatic", I'm going to fly to Paris, climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower and throw myself onto the first newlyweds I see.
If I can't have love, why should they? You're right.
You're not being dramatic at all.
Sarcasm? Really? At a time like this? Look, all I'm saying is that any guy that would dump an incredible girl like you for some Tarty, trampy, Bobby-robbing she-devil! Or possibly an innocent victim of circumstance who did nothing to lead him on.
Just another way to go.
You left me a message? What's up? Nothing! Erase it! Hit three! What's going to make me super mad, but when I hear your side of the story, you know I'll understand? I just can't believe Bobby dumped you.
Bobby! Look, the important thing for you to remember is there are plenty of guys out there.
Like Gabe, for example.
He's alive.
Let me leave or give me something to spit in.
And a charmer to boot.
Too late.
Ugh.
Doesn't have to be Gabe.
It can be any of the million alive guys.
I don't want another guy.
I want Bobby! And when I find out who that other girl is, she better watch out because I Oh, look, her head just snapped right off.
Tess, could you come down here? I'm a little busy right now! You're going to have to wait! Don't think it can! Just a second.
It's okay.
You can go.
No.
My best friend is in pain.
And I am not the kind of person to abandon her in her hour of need.
Be right back.
What are you doing here? After what happened at the movies, I couldn't lie to Allie.
So, I broke up with her and now we can date.
You want to date him? No, I don't want to date him! Then why'd you tell me break up with Allie? You told him break up with Allie? No, I didn't tell him to break up with Allie! Well, actually, I did.
But not for me, for her.
O.
M.
G.
This is like the Twitter thing.
It's all in English, but it doesn't make any sense.
Look, Allie is right upstairs! You have to get out of here before she hears you! She's gonna find out about us sooner or later.
She may as well hear it from both of us.
I mean, don't you think we should be honest with her? "We"? What "We"? There is no "We"! The only "We" in this family is in the almost-never-flushed toilet upstairs! Hey, my kid brother never flushes the toilet either.
Really? Stop it! I'll stop when you admit you like me.
I don't! You do! I don't! You do and I can prove it! How? Let me kiss you.
Okay.
Tess! How could you do this to me? You're the tarty, trampy, Bobby-robbing she-devil?! Okay, I know it looks like that, but it's not exactly that.
Then exactly what is it? Give me a minute.
I can't believe you stole my boyfriend! Okay, first, that was definitely not a minute.
And second, I did not steal him! Tell her.
It's true.
All she did was go on and on about everything you and I don't have in common, and all the stuff that her and I do.
Okay, once again, it's that, but not exactly that.
Look, I may have accidentally, in an innocent bystander sort of way, done what Mr.
Helpful here said I did.
But not because I wanted to date him.
I did it because I thought you were completely wrong for each other.
Oh, then I guess it's okay since you obviously know better than me what makes me happy.
I mean, don't I look happy now? Okay, when you spin it like that, it kind of makes me sound like the worst friend ever.
And you know that's not true.
You do know that, right? Not anymore.
No.
Allie, I don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry.
Sorry you kissed him or sorry you got caught? I, um That's what I thought.
It's weird.
I keep thinking this is somehow my fault.