Lopez vs. Lopez (2022) s01e13 Episode Script

1
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
[PAGES RUSTLING]
Can you please turn those pages quieter?
I'm trying to watch TV.
Mm. God.
Mom, I know you have
this insurance conference,
but it's our anniversary.
You really can't babysit?
Maybe when you two get married
and have a real anniversary,
I'll be more inclined to cancel.
I don't know who we're
gonna get on such short notice.
- I could do it.
- The neighbors?
Out of town.
- Brookie?
- Busy.
Hello!
What about Oscar?
Are you kidding me?
Why would they trust you to babysit?
Remember that time I sent you
to Walmart with Mayan
and you came back
with everything on that list
- except her?
- She wasn't on the list.
I mean, can you get over it?
That was 35 years ago.
- I'm 25.
- Okay. Sure, you are, Mayan.
I mean, what will it take
to show you guys
that I've changed?
I've been so good.
I mean, haven't I earned enough trust
to watch my grandson for two hours?
Okay, let's give it a shot.
You can babysit Chance.
- Yes!
- Are you out of your damn mind?
I happen to believe
that people can change.
You hear that, Gordo?
It's just me and you on Saturday.
We're gonna pick up some hot chicks.
At a petting zoo.
Run by a woman I'm trying to date.
I'm here.
And I brought
a real babysitter for Chance.
Anyone want some plane pretzels?
I swiped the basket
when the flight attendant
wasn't looking.
Tía Daisy?
- Ay, que linda.
- Oh, my God. Hi.
Mwah. Ay, mija.
Mom, you spent hundreds of dollars
flying her from New York
to babysit Chance
- just so Dad wouldn't do it?
- Babysit?
You told me you were taking me
"chopping" at Ross!
They don't have one in New York?
The ones here are better.
And Rosie said
they're having a big sale.
Or was that a lie too?
You take care of Chance
today and tomorrow,
and I will take you to Ross, Marshalls,
and dd's Discounts for dessert.
- Uh-huh. Bye-bye.
- What
What am I gonna say to Dad?
Yeah, I think we should still
have him babysit.
There's no way Tía Daisy
can handle Chance alone.
What makes you think that?
What's this do?
Ay, José y María, Jesus y la Virgen!
What's Driving Miss Crazy doing here?
Great news.
Mom flew her out,
so you'll have an extra hand
- watching Chance.
- Okay, wait a minute.
I agreed to be a babysitter,
not an undertaker.
It's fine.
We will just go ahead
and celebrate our anniversary
for 2 1/2 minutes
in the shower tomorrow morning.
No. It's a special occasion.
- Let's make it a solid 3.
- [GROANS]
You know what? I'll do it, okay?
I'll watch Chance and Tía Daisy
to prove to you that you were right
putting your trust in me.
I'll be the sweetest,
most gentle caregiver
that ever cared to give.
You gonna take me "chopping"?
Not a chance, Wheezy Rider.
Dad, denying an elderly Latina
a trip to Ross during a sale
is just cruel.
All I want to do is dress for less.
Look who's ready to turn heads
at The Cheesecake Factory.
Why aren't you dressed?
We're going to Cheesecake Factory,
- not slumming it at Chili's.
- [GROANS]
Yeah, no, I'm, uh
I found this.
Care to explain?
Well, that's cash.
It's what our ancestors used
to pay for stuff.
Okay, well, I found it in this box
labelled "Starting Over Stash."
That's my mom's "SOS" fund.
It's money she kept hidden away
in case she ever needed
to get away from my dad quickly.
Then why does it say
"Mayan's Starting Over Stash"?
I never should have gotten my mom
that label maker for Christmas.
I don't understand.
Why do you have this?
Oh, my God. I'm a pregnant teen. Ah.
What am I gonna tell my parents?
What am I gonna tell
my manager at Foot Locker?
You're the one freaking out?
There is a tiny freeloader
man-caving in my uterus.
No, you're right. You're right.
I'm listen, I'm so sorry,
okay? It's just
this has never happened to me before!
Ah. No, I mean to you. I mean you.
And I'm here to support you
in whatever you wanna do.
I thought about it.
And I want to have this baby.
Then I'm gonna be here for you
Because I love you.
We're gonna have a baby!
[CHUCKLES, COUGHS]
So you've been keeping a box of money
to help you get away from me.
Just because I freaked out
about getting a girl pregnant
the first time I had sex?
That was your first time?
Don't change the subject.
It's not a simple explanation.
Look, we're late for dinner,
and we have reservations.
Apparently, you've had
reservations for years.
And we're ordering in.
I love this place.
I can smell the savings.
Okay, Gordo, I need you
to be on your best behavior
to make me look good, okay?
You know I don't work for free, Grandpa.
And I respect that.
That's why I brought you a cookie.
Nice doing business with you.
Your mom is counting on me, okay?
- So stay close, and no surprises.
- Surprise!
Churro insisted.
It's Ross. She's Latina.
Oh, man, now I gotta take
care of two old dogs?
Get what you're gonna get, and
let's get the hell out of here.
Oh, don't rush me, baboso.
I need time to dig for
hidden treasure
- like these compression socks.
- [FACETIME RINGING]
Is that the fire alarm?
I'm too young to die.
No. You're getting a FaceTime call.
Oh. Hello! Who's this?
- It's Rosie.
- Ay, mira. It's Rosie.
We're going "chopping."
What? Wait, how did you get there?
- George.
- That's right, bruja.
Mayan put me in charge,
and there's nothing you can do about it.
George and I are "chopping"
for a callus remover.
I have so much dead skin on my feet
that I have natural wedges.
You hear that? [GROANS]
I'm taking care of Chance, Churro,
- and this vieja'scrusty feet.
- Okay, whatever.
- Let me say hi to Chance. I miss him.
- Sure.
Chance?
- Chance, where'd you go?
- What's going on?
Uh, uh, uh, yeah.
Chance can't come to the phone right now
because he's trying on church pants.
I gotta go. Did you see where
Chance went?
I don't know.
Parents worry too much these days.
He'll come find you
when he needs a cigarette.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC]
Sweet.
Whoa.
Wow. This is ugly.
This place is cool.
Welcome, darling.
You've entered The Rack,
the most exclusive club
west of the Mississipp'.
- Nana Rosie?
- I'm Ross-ie,
la reina de Ross.
I didn't know all the viejitas
"chopping" for leopard tops had a queen.
Well, I'm just pulling
your gam, darling.
I crawled in here as a little girl
and never left.
- Never left?
- Why would I?
The Rack has no grown-ups
to tell us to do our homework
or eat our vegetables
or brush our teeth.
You had me at "no grown-ups."
- Mm.
- Where's the bathroom?
You see those cargo shorts
over there, darling?
Don't look in the pockets.
- Cool.
- [UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
It's a tradition, when
a Cuban woman is with child,
she receives cash in a cigar box,
una caja.
It's a tradition in my culture
that partners don't lie to each other.
Okay, fine.
But I can still blame this
on a Cuban woman.
I accidentally overheard
your conversation by listening.
But I didn't hear a marriage proposal.
I don't want one.
I just want to know that
Quinten is gonna be here
for me and the baby;
that's all that matters.
I thought the same thing
about your father,
and then he blindsided us.
I don't want the same thing
for you and your baby.
Quinten is the opposite of Dad.
He has zero misdemeanors.
But he's still a man.
And you haven't even known him
that long.
I know what I'm doing.
I'm not a little kid.
No, you're two little kids now.
Okay, this is what we're gonna do.
[SIGHS]
We are gonna stash some money away.
That way, if you ever
have to start over again,
you'll have the means to do it.
I wish I had this when things went south
between me and your dad.
I mean, I guess it couldn't hurt, right?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Please tell me that's the last place
you're gonna pull money out of.
Oh, is this Grandpa's cigar box?
Yeah, Quinten will never look in here.
That man can't handle a Cuban.
[CHUCKLES]
See? It was my mom's idea.
She started the whole thing.
Yeah, but you kept it. So it's
it's like you've had
one foot out the door
whole time we've been together.
I do have one foot out the door.
But that's because it wants to
go to The Cheesecake Factory.
Okay, this isn't funny, Mayan.
It's been eight years,
so if you still don't trust me,
I don't know what we're doing here.
Excuse me, have you seen
a little Latino boy
who's almost as handsome as me?
- Rosie!
- You lost Chance?
- I knew it.
- What are you doing here?
I left the conference early
because I can sense something was wrong.
I was all tingly.
That's your arthritis, viejita.
You just had to come and spy on me
so you could tell Mayan
every little thing I did wrong!
Little? You lost him, tonto.
Where's my Tía Daisy?
She was just here.
Anybody there?
Can somebody please help me?
Chance? Where are you?
I can't believe you lost
my grandson and my tía.
Well, at least Churro's
still safe here in the bag.
What bag?
[CHURRO YIPS]
- [ETHEREAL MUSIC]
- Mmm.
Well, this has been quite a
a what do you call it?
Gas.
But my family's
probably starting to worry,
so I should go.
Bye, darling.
Welcome back.
This is life in The Rack.
It's easy to get in
but impossible to get out.
You are now for sale at discount prices.
[LAUGHS] Forever!
[LAUGHS]
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
Excuse me.
Did you see a little boy leave?
No, and nothing gets past
these eagle eyes.
Okay, well, at least we know
he's still in the store somewhere.
Oh, this is worse than the time
that you got drunk on the roof
and Mayan thought aliens
were about to abduct her.
Why do you keep holding
my past mistakes against me?
I'm a better man now.
Mayan sees it. Why can't you?
She won't see past you losing her son.
Can we please talk about this?
Nope, I'm in the middle
of something very important.
- [CHOKES]
- [HACKING]
Okay, give it. Give it.
I'm fine. I'm fine. [GROANS]
Baby, this really wasn't about you.
It was about my mom and I dealing
with what my dad put us through.
I mean, you live with him.
You know what that's like.
He pantsed me at breakfast.
Honestly, I haven't thought
about that box in years.
And there's a reason why.
Any more ideas for names?
What about Hidalgo?
- Hidalgo?
- Yeah.
I did not get stretch marks
at 18 for a Hidalgo.
I'm here.
- And so is your father.
- What?
He's outside.
He wants to see you and meet the baby.
What do you wanna do?
I haven't spoken to him
since he cheated on you and left us.
I am not about to start today.
It might be good to let him
at least meet the baby.
If I'm out of line,
- just feel free to tell me to shut up.
- Shut up.
Well, I was just saying,
regardless of everything he's done
I've only told you half the things.
Seriously?
Well, still, he's your father.
And this is his first grandchild.
So I just think you might
regret it someday
if you don't let them meet.
I can't see him.
But if you want,
I can take him out there
to meet your dad.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
But tell him he has
to put his beer down first.
- Still no sign of Chance?
- No, but I found Churro.
She was hiding next to these
really cute kitten heels
in my size. This floor is so dirty.
I thought they had brooms here.
Oh, cookie crumbs. No, follow me.
Found him.
No, Ross-ie. Please let me out, darling.
Gordo, wake up.
Wake up. Wake up.
Wake up. Hey.
Don't ever run away from me again, okay?
I mean, I was so scared.
I'm sorry. I was scared too.
I just got you back in my life.
I don't want to lose you again, Mayan.
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
My whole life, I was terrified
I'd choose the wrong person.
But that night, when you took
Chance out to meet my dad,
I knew I chose right.
Then why did you hide all this money?
Look a little closer.
It's $50. It's just my mom's
underwear money.
She sells her underwear for money?
No, she just keeps it there.
Oh.
I'm sorry I kept it from you.
Actually, there is something
I kept from you
the night we came back
from the hospital.
Hey. You must be George.
- Yeah.
- Quinten.
Oh. Nice to meet you.
I want you to know
that even though you're a man,
I admire the work you do as a nurse.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Fulfilling.
No, no, no, I'm not the nurse.
- Oh.
- I'm Mayan's boyfriend
and the baby's father.
Really? [CHUCKLES]
All right. You know you can
take a DNA test
as soon as a child's a week old.
I've taken many myself.
Is Mayan coming out?
- No, not this time.
- Oh. Okay.
But she thought you might
wanna meet your grandson.
My grandson.
[CHUCKLES] Damn.
- He's a thick little sucker, isn't he?
- Yeah.
What's what's his name?
Oh, we haven't figured that out yet.
It's nice to meet you, Gordo.
I hope that you being here
convinces your mom
to give me a second chance.
Oh, you were out there for a while.
- How did it go?
- It went well.
He thought I was the nurse
and that I may not be
the baby's father, so
maybe it didn't go well.
What else did he say?
He said thank you
for letting him meet the baby
and that he loves you very much.
- Mm.
- You okay?
Yeah.
I'm just tired.
It's been a long day.
Hey, for his name,
what do you think about Chance?
- Hmm?
- Yeah.
I still like Hidalgo.
Hey, Chance, stop fighting it.
I'm glad this store
has a pet department.
This is hard for me to admit, George,
but I may have unknowingly
wanted you to fail today.
Oh, no, you were knowing.
I guess I felt that if you
did a good job babysitting,
that would mean
that you can actually change.
Mayan was right.
I can't deny it anymore.
You are a better George
than you've ever been.
Wow. Thank you for saying that.
Just hope she can forgive me for today.
I think we can keep this between us.
- Oh, good.
- I agree.
I ain't down to be grounded.
You really scared us, running off today.
And I'll never do it again.
The weird lady in the clothing rack
scared me straight.
- Who?
- Security!
How come you never told me
that story about my dad?
I just figured if you knew
George had something to do with it,
you wouldn't go for the name Chance.
You really think I'm that damaged?
Hello!
Hey, guys. Mm.
- How'd the babysitting go?
- Piece of cake.
- And how'd the spying go?
- George did good.
- I was a delight.
- Mm!
It's nice to know I can count on you.
Well, Mayan, I'm gonna
be around a long time.
I never told you this,
but I'm so happy that I dug you out
of the lost and found
at Walmart 35 years ago.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Wait, where's Tía Daisy?
Oh.
Attention, shoppers. Ross is now closed.
I hate this place.