Metalocalypse (2006) s01e13 Episode Script
Go Forth and Die
~ Go forth be conquered ~ ~ Go forth and die ~ ~ Go forth be conquered ~ ~ Go forth and die ~ ~ Now you've graduated Mind is mulitated ~ ~ Thrust into the world ~ Hey, f face, give me four number 5s! So you want a 5? No, retard! I want four 5s! Listen, tonto, you give me four 5s, and you do it now! You you have You wanted, uh You wanted Hey! Wait a minute.
Aren't you Nathan Explosion? Yeah, I guess I am.
Didn't you have anything to fall back on after your band was killed by black birds? Huh.
No.
I never graduated from high school, so He's a complete idiot.
Can hardly function.
- He's so stupid.
- Yeah.
I am stupid.
I am.
Oh, well.
That's just too bad.
Look out! - Ketchup! - Oh, no! Now you gotta go wash your face.
Oh.
Face.
Yeah, right.
That's the deep fryer, you idiot! Your face burned! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong, Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ I think we should all congratulate William who has been invited to be on Celebrity Spelling Bee.
That's quite an honor, William.
- Yeah.
- Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're on that show 'cause they want high ratings? That's pretty cynical, Toki.
You've also been invited to give the commencement speech at Harvard.
You'll be giving honorary degrees.
Free degrees?! I want to be a foot doctor! I want to be able to fly the plane! You can't actually use those degrees.
They mean nothing.
What's the point of even going? - Well, because, Pickles, it's Harvard - Yawn! Big deals.
Sorry I'm late, guys.
I, uh Just had another one of those "I can't figure it out" dreams again and, you know, I think I might be stupid.
How can you be stupid? You're famous.
That is true.
And you's a billionaire.
That sounds smart to me no matter how many times you slice it.
Hey, quick! What's 6 times Ow! Hey, what the f?! - I gets punched for laughing?! - Laughing hurts more.
Well, all I know is that these dreams aren't gonna stop until I get my G.
E.
D.
, and that's that.
I'm going to be on Celebrity Spelling Bee.
Oh, he didn't graduate from high school! Nathan Explosion is furthering his education.
This could have devastating repercussions.
General Crozier? Nathan Explosion dropped out of high school.
He was a failure as a student, excelling only in frog dissection and football.
We've called in an expert Dr.
Natasha Nesciantskidovich.
She runs a Dethklok think-tank in Washington, D.
C.
, and specializes in Nathan Explosion studies.
- Doctor? - General.
America is the dominant force in the world because our great people are dangerous and stupid.
Nathan Explosion is a hero to the ignorant.
If he seeks higher education they will start to act as if they are as good as anyone.
If the secret gets out that the working class is as smart as the upper crust that runs the world well, the results would be catastrophic.
The meek shall inherit the earth.
Is Explosion really this much of a threat? My file said he didn't even speak until he was five years old.
Yes.
Nathan Explosion has a similar psychological profile to that of Joseph Stalin.
He has the potential to galvanize billions of metal heads with his message about the true purpose of brutality and metal.
Dear God.
We can only hope he fails this G.
E.
D.
I'm gonna hit 'em first with something zazzy like "redemption.
" R-e-d-m-p-t-i-o-n.
Redemption.
Then I'm gonna hit 'em with a real thinker like "confusion.
" K-u-n-fusion.
- You don't picks your own words! - Shh! You don't picks your own words.
- Then who picks 'em? - The guy.
Yeah, those celebrities pick a lot of crappy stuff, I bet.
I wonder when they're gonna send me my secret spelling words.
- I haven't been really - You don't know the words they give you.
- You gots to spell 'em on the spot! - Whoa.
Now, that's tough.
- No, that's impossible.
- Oh, he's right, Murderface.
Pretty sure that's the rules of the game.
That's gonna be rough.
Hey, I'm still gonna win that thing 'cause I'm a great speller.
Shh! Wait! What do you mean "5 minus x"? What is x? Oh, sweetie, it's just algebra.
It's stupid, and it's not even akickablable.
Applicable.
Aplic aplicabible? It's stupid! Sorry! Ugh.
It's stupid.
Sara has 15 nails in her neck and 12 thumbtacks in her eye.
goes one miles an hour.
He gets hit.
The train pow! Comes at him 200 miles an hour.
Pow! I don't know what it is.
I've just always been an unusually great speller.
OK, see, playing simultaneous rhythms Polymeters it's math.
Let me give you an example.
Remember "Guts, Punch, Balls, Throw up"? - Yeah.
- Remember that? When we got Oh, yeah.
- You know that one? - Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
The word is "construction.
" Oh, that's a good one.
Construction Meaning to construct to build, the act of building.
C-u-n-s-t-r Oh! That's not right.
I thinks construction's is spelled possibly a different way.
Doesn't matter.
I'll just fake it.
I'm a great speller.
Watch, look.
Here's a word.
Right? Youandhiom.
Y-o-u-a-n-d-h-i-o-m.
Youandhiom.
See? I'm a shoo-in.
No, it sounds great.
Your voice sounds, like, robust.
But it's wrong.
Hey, I don't care how wrong it is.
Just admit it.
I'm a great speller, And it burns you.
You're not a great speller.
You've got to spell right to be a speller.
So, if a guy hits a home run, but he's fat, it's not a home run? It has to be perfect? What's the point?! No, that is the point! That is spelling! They can't helps it, Toki.
Not everyone gets the advantage of superior Scandinavians egucation.
OK, name something that has nothing to do with guitar.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Oh, um Ah Um I'm ready.
I had that "I'm late for class and I'm in my underwear" dream but my palms are sweaty and I can't concentrate.
I can't concentrate! That's anxiety.
A-n-x-i-e-t.
- Oh, yeah.
He's got test anxiety.
- Wait! What's that? That's like even when you know everything you freaks out and then you don't remembers nothing.
Yeah, you can't remembers nothing.
Oh, you must be really nervous.
Yeah, I guess I am.
I'm nervous.
I'm a nervous guy.
- You must be freaking out.
- I'm totally freaking out.
Nathans, what do yous do before you're nervous at a show? You know what you do.
Yeah, what do you do? What's Nathan do? Just have a little drink.
That's it! I have a little drink.
That's what you do.
I'm here to take the G.
B.
D.
You may start your test Now.
The only reason I have a high school degree is 'cause a very special principal who let me just play bass and drink beer and smoke dope because I told him I'd cut his eyes out if he didn't let me graduate.
Nathan, I have your test results.
Oh, you open it.
I can't stand the pressure.
Let's see here.
OK.
It's a, uh Zero.
No questions were answered.
Oh, damn! Seriously?! Have can you have not known that? Do you think you're better than me? I took the liberty of writing your Harvard commencement speech.
Thanks.
Please welcome Nathan Explosion.
Harvard.
Solutions.
- Solutions to you.
- Salutations.
I don't need this stupid speech! You think you're smart, huh? That you can come up here and take a piece of this, huh? Any of you.
You? You? Listen, Harvard, I'm a billionaire.
And most of you are gonna graduate and move back in with your parents.
I'm gonna tell you something though: We have something in common.
We're all gonna die.
No matter what you do, no matter what you do with your lives you're dead.
You're dead.
You die.
You're gonna die, all of you.
Dead.
You, dead.
You, dead.
All of you.
You, lady your tits will be eaten by maggots in just a few short years.
So, here's my message, my message to you.
Very simple message: Go forth.
Go forth and die.
William Murderface has been on the stand for about 45 minutes.
The word is "technicality", and it's his first word of the night.
It's kind of an ironic situation when the word is "technicality" and he is technically already out because he used his first letter "p," which is not a letter in the word.
And he decided to very confidently speak out before the word was finished being said.
"Technicality.
" P-i-s-s f you.
Aren't you Nathan Explosion? Yeah, I guess I am.
Didn't you have anything to fall back on after your band was killed by black birds? Huh.
No.
I never graduated from high school, so He's a complete idiot.
Can hardly function.
- He's so stupid.
- Yeah.
I am stupid.
I am.
Oh, well.
That's just too bad.
Look out! - Ketchup! - Oh, no! Now you gotta go wash your face.
Oh.
Face.
Yeah, right.
That's the deep fryer, you idiot! Your face burned! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong, Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ I think we should all congratulate William who has been invited to be on Celebrity Spelling Bee.
That's quite an honor, William.
- Yeah.
- Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're on that show 'cause they want high ratings? That's pretty cynical, Toki.
You've also been invited to give the commencement speech at Harvard.
You'll be giving honorary degrees.
Free degrees?! I want to be a foot doctor! I want to be able to fly the plane! You can't actually use those degrees.
They mean nothing.
What's the point of even going? - Well, because, Pickles, it's Harvard - Yawn! Big deals.
Sorry I'm late, guys.
I, uh Just had another one of those "I can't figure it out" dreams again and, you know, I think I might be stupid.
How can you be stupid? You're famous.
That is true.
And you's a billionaire.
That sounds smart to me no matter how many times you slice it.
Hey, quick! What's 6 times Ow! Hey, what the f?! - I gets punched for laughing?! - Laughing hurts more.
Well, all I know is that these dreams aren't gonna stop until I get my G.
E.
D.
, and that's that.
I'm going to be on Celebrity Spelling Bee.
Oh, he didn't graduate from high school! Nathan Explosion is furthering his education.
This could have devastating repercussions.
General Crozier? Nathan Explosion dropped out of high school.
He was a failure as a student, excelling only in frog dissection and football.
We've called in an expert Dr.
Natasha Nesciantskidovich.
She runs a Dethklok think-tank in Washington, D.
C.
, and specializes in Nathan Explosion studies.
- Doctor? - General.
America is the dominant force in the world because our great people are dangerous and stupid.
Nathan Explosion is a hero to the ignorant.
If he seeks higher education they will start to act as if they are as good as anyone.
If the secret gets out that the working class is as smart as the upper crust that runs the world well, the results would be catastrophic.
The meek shall inherit the earth.
Is Explosion really this much of a threat? My file said he didn't even speak until he was five years old.
Yes.
Nathan Explosion has a similar psychological profile to that of Joseph Stalin.
He has the potential to galvanize billions of metal heads with his message about the true purpose of brutality and metal.
Dear God.
We can only hope he fails this G.
E.
D.
I'm gonna hit 'em first with something zazzy like "redemption.
" R-e-d-m-p-t-i-o-n.
Redemption.
Then I'm gonna hit 'em with a real thinker like "confusion.
" K-u-n-fusion.
- You don't picks your own words! - Shh! You don't picks your own words.
- Then who picks 'em? - The guy.
Yeah, those celebrities pick a lot of crappy stuff, I bet.
I wonder when they're gonna send me my secret spelling words.
- I haven't been really - You don't know the words they give you.
- You gots to spell 'em on the spot! - Whoa.
Now, that's tough.
- No, that's impossible.
- Oh, he's right, Murderface.
Pretty sure that's the rules of the game.
That's gonna be rough.
Hey, I'm still gonna win that thing 'cause I'm a great speller.
Shh! Wait! What do you mean "5 minus x"? What is x? Oh, sweetie, it's just algebra.
It's stupid, and it's not even akickablable.
Applicable.
Aplic aplicabible? It's stupid! Sorry! Ugh.
It's stupid.
Sara has 15 nails in her neck and 12 thumbtacks in her eye.
goes one miles an hour.
He gets hit.
The train pow! Comes at him 200 miles an hour.
Pow! I don't know what it is.
I've just always been an unusually great speller.
OK, see, playing simultaneous rhythms Polymeters it's math.
Let me give you an example.
Remember "Guts, Punch, Balls, Throw up"? - Yeah.
- Remember that? When we got Oh, yeah.
- You know that one? - Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
The word is "construction.
" Oh, that's a good one.
Construction Meaning to construct to build, the act of building.
C-u-n-s-t-r Oh! That's not right.
I thinks construction's is spelled possibly a different way.
Doesn't matter.
I'll just fake it.
I'm a great speller.
Watch, look.
Here's a word.
Right? Youandhiom.
Y-o-u-a-n-d-h-i-o-m.
Youandhiom.
See? I'm a shoo-in.
No, it sounds great.
Your voice sounds, like, robust.
But it's wrong.
Hey, I don't care how wrong it is.
Just admit it.
I'm a great speller, And it burns you.
You're not a great speller.
You've got to spell right to be a speller.
So, if a guy hits a home run, but he's fat, it's not a home run? It has to be perfect? What's the point?! No, that is the point! That is spelling! They can't helps it, Toki.
Not everyone gets the advantage of superior Scandinavians egucation.
OK, name something that has nothing to do with guitar.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Oh, um Ah Um I'm ready.
I had that "I'm late for class and I'm in my underwear" dream but my palms are sweaty and I can't concentrate.
I can't concentrate! That's anxiety.
A-n-x-i-e-t.
- Oh, yeah.
He's got test anxiety.
- Wait! What's that? That's like even when you know everything you freaks out and then you don't remembers nothing.
Yeah, you can't remembers nothing.
Oh, you must be really nervous.
Yeah, I guess I am.
I'm nervous.
I'm a nervous guy.
- You must be freaking out.
- I'm totally freaking out.
Nathans, what do yous do before you're nervous at a show? You know what you do.
Yeah, what do you do? What's Nathan do? Just have a little drink.
That's it! I have a little drink.
That's what you do.
I'm here to take the G.
B.
D.
You may start your test Now.
The only reason I have a high school degree is 'cause a very special principal who let me just play bass and drink beer and smoke dope because I told him I'd cut his eyes out if he didn't let me graduate.
Nathan, I have your test results.
Oh, you open it.
I can't stand the pressure.
Let's see here.
OK.
It's a, uh Zero.
No questions were answered.
Oh, damn! Seriously?! Have can you have not known that? Do you think you're better than me? I took the liberty of writing your Harvard commencement speech.
Thanks.
Please welcome Nathan Explosion.
Harvard.
Solutions.
- Solutions to you.
- Salutations.
I don't need this stupid speech! You think you're smart, huh? That you can come up here and take a piece of this, huh? Any of you.
You? You? Listen, Harvard, I'm a billionaire.
And most of you are gonna graduate and move back in with your parents.
I'm gonna tell you something though: We have something in common.
We're all gonna die.
No matter what you do, no matter what you do with your lives you're dead.
You're dead.
You die.
You're gonna die, all of you.
Dead.
You, dead.
You, dead.
All of you.
You, lady your tits will be eaten by maggots in just a few short years.
So, here's my message, my message to you.
Very simple message: Go forth.
Go forth and die.
William Murderface has been on the stand for about 45 minutes.
The word is "technicality", and it's his first word of the night.
It's kind of an ironic situation when the word is "technicality" and he is technically already out because he used his first letter "p," which is not a letter in the word.
And he decided to very confidently speak out before the word was finished being said.
"Technicality.
" P-i-s-s f you.