Mighty Med (2013) s01e13 Episode Script

Check it out.
I made a friendship bracelet for Skylar.
Congratulations.
You are now officially a nine-year-old girl.
This is coal.
You're giving her a bracelet made of coal? Nope.
[Grunts.]
Diamonds.
Thanks, Crusher.
Why are you giving her this? Because I care about her, as a friend.
And if she happens to thank me with a giant hug and kiss, I'll have to live with that.
Oliver, check it out! It's experion, the second coolest teenager in the universe! The coolest, of course, is Billy Fowler.
Because he does this.
Look at him! He's so amazing, with his magnetic powers and ability to manipulate gravity! What's he doing here? Experion! I can't believe it! It's so good to see you! Look at him.
Thinks he's so amazing with his magnetic powers and ability to manipulate gravity.
What's he doing here? Okay, yo every day's an adventure you never know by the looks on our face at the school when we enter leave class early, work at 3:30 hit the comic store, read up before the journey all these new issues and super powers if we didn't have to work we'd be here for hours everybody says that we shouldn't worry but have you ever seen superheroes on a gurney will we save the world today, you never know will we all be safe today, you never know will we fly away or stay, you never know but you know we Mighty Med, team up and let's go save the people that save people after clashes we flip the page and jump to action they call us normo-nomally fantastic seeing superheroes that we only imagined this type of life you got to have fight put up your fist and fight for what's right never could tell what we could see out of sight do the same thing tomorrow that we did tonight will we save the world today, you never know will we all be safe today, you never know will we fly away or stay, you never know but you know we Mighty Med, team up and let's go! [Clears throat.]
Guys, this is experion.
He's my best friend from my home planet, caldera.
We used to live next door to each other.
Well, I'm Oliver.
I'm her best friend from this planet.
And I used to live next door to an Armenian deli.
And I'm Kaz.
And you're experion.
And I'm Kaz.
Nice to meet you.
Twice.
So, I heard you were ambushed by the annihilator and lost your powers.
But don't worry, I'll find a way to get them back for you, sky.
That's cool.
I'll restore your powers, if it's the last thing I do.
That's nice.
But skyler, I'm going to make it the first thing I do.
Actually, before you do that, can you use your magnetic powers to find my house keys? [Whirring.]
They were in my pocket.
I never would have thought to look there.
So, what are you doing at Mighty Med? And more importantly, when are you leaving? Well, I have to get these kidney stones taken care of.
I destroyed a deadly meteor, and a few pieces got stuck in my kidney.
[Chuckles.]
This guy.
Good-looking, funny, awesome it's like we're the same person! Anyway, let's go hang out, cutie.
Coming! Oh, her.
Sky! Ex! Wait for me! I'm just gonna walk.
Alan, stop drawing mustaches on all the female superheroes in comic books.
Also, stop drawing mustaches on all the actual female superheroes.
That's not what I'm doing.
I created my own comic about the greatest superhero of all time.
Me.
"Awesome man: The adventures of the not-at-all awkward superhero who everyone respects.
" Yep.
But the Mighty Med comic book company won't publish it because of some technicality.
They say it's "too horrible.
" So I decided I would self-publish and sell them in the normo world.
Uh, where do you buy comics? The domain.
But, no, no Alan, you can't publish that.
It reveals every last secret about Mighty Med.
Normos don't even know this place really exists.
They'll think it's all fake.
Besides, I changed some things.
I gave you the head of a donkey.
And Oliver has the body of a snail.
No, no, I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
You cannot publish this comic book.
[Scoffs.]
Like I'm going to take advice from someone who's not even a full donkey.
So, what do you guys think of my friend expy? Isn't he just the best? Yeah.
You know what I like most about him? What's the word I'm looking for? "Nothing.
" I like nothing about him.
Hey! That's my friend you're talking about! You shut your filthy word maker! Oliver, how can you not like experion? That's like not liking diarrhea.
On my planet, "diarrhea" is the word for "candy.
" If we ever go to your planet, please remind me to bring a phrase book.
Look, I just don't trust him.
I mean, he says you're "besties," but he doesn't want to be your friend.
He wants to be your boyfriend.
[Chuckles.]
What? We're just friends, and nothing more.
I hate to tell you, but no guy is friends with a girl unless he has a crush on her.
That's ridiculous.
We're friends, and you don't have a crush on me.
Yeah, right.
Ew, girls.
They have cooties.
- [Clears throat.]
- Ah, Wallace.
Remember how Horace Diaz erased our memory of where Mighty Med is? Do I remember Horace Diaz erasing my memory.
- [Both laughing.]
- Actually, I don't.
He erased my memory of erasing my memory.
Remember? Actually, I don't.
Anyway, I read about a technique that will help us remember.
It's called a vision board, it's a collage of all our life goals.
And if we focus our brain power on the board, it will help us achieve these goals.
Let me see that.
"Remember where Mighty Med is.
Smash it into a pile of rubble.
Destroy Horace Diaz.
Visit Paris and eat croissants.
" This is ridiculous.
And I made you croissants yesterday morning.
Those were Crescent rolls! And yes, you were rude when you served them to me, but it's not the same! Good afternoon, fine human shopkeepers.
I am a human comic book publisher, with a sure-fire human bestseller right here in my human hands.
- Look, we'd like to help you.
- No we wouldn't.
Actually, he's right, we really wouldn't.
Well, I will not take "no" for an answer.
- So, will you read my comic book? - No.
- Will you read my comic book? - No.
- Will you read my comic book? - No.
- Will you read my comic book? - Wow, he really will not take "no" for an answer.
- Will you take "nyet" for an answer? - Nyet.
- Will you take "chigaimasu" for an answer? - Chigaimasu.
Will you take For an answer? Ok, look, tell you what.
Why don't you discuss this with our newly-hired comic book consultant.
Gus, read this kid's comic and tell us what you think.
- What's in it for me? - You get to ruthlessly judge someone.
I'm in! You're ugly! No, not me! Him.
And that hurt my feelings.
Yeah, he's doing the best he can with what he's got.
Before you make a decision about my comic book, I should tell you up front, I will not take "no" for an answer.
Will you take [speaks foreign language.]
for an answer? [Speaks foreign language.]
Fair enough.
All right, citadel, because of your impenetrable skin, I'll be using this highly sensitive, super-powerful stethoscope.
- [Whirring.]
- Oh, ahh! Oh! This is so powerful, I just heard a pin drop.
A bowling pin.
In Honduras.
- Ah, that's better.
- [Heart beating.]
Now I only hear [Radio static.]
Experion? [Experion on radio.]
The plan is working perfectly.
I'm going to sneak up on Skylar, and when she least expects it choke her! She is going to die! Oh no! I knew I couldn't trust him, but he's even worse than I thought! Ahh! This is terrible! Sorry, I just heard Horace singing in the shower.
He is butchering Beyonce! Oliver, what's so urgent? I dropped everything to be here.
Which is really bad because I was holding my baby brother.
And why did you text me to "get black hair right now"? Stupid auto-correct! I meant, "get back here right now.
" Oh.
Then I will just keep this for myself.
Look, I overheard experion, and you're right, he doesn't want to be your boyfriend.
- Told you.
- He wants to be your ex-boyfriend, because he's going to kill you! Oliver, stop! Experion really cares about me.
In fact, he's flying me back to my home planet.
He thinks he found a way to restore my powers.
No! You can't leave with him! I heard him say he's going to choke you when you least expect it! Enough! I have to go.
Experion arranged a full spa treatment for me at five o'clock.
Maybe I'll get my new hair done.
Experion's going to attack her during the spa treatment! She'll be lulled into a defenseless state once she's soaking her feet in herbal hot water, with warm wax on her hands, inhaling the aromatherapy eye pillow.
You know a crazy amount about spa treatments.
Mother-son bonding time.
Don't judge me! Experion has everyone fooled, but he's so two-faced.
Just like the two-faced villain in the Crusher returns.
That guy had the best catchphrase: "Why don't you say that to my face?! Or my other face.
" Wait! I have an idea.
I can use Skylar as bait to trick experion into revealing his true villainous self.
How is Skylar going to be your bait if she doesn't believe you? I know a way.
Aha! Trying to strangle Skylar, are you? Wait, what? Well, you can't, because I'm not Skylar! Yeah, I know.
You look nothing like Skylar.
She has Chestnut brown hair with a pink streak.
And you have black horse hair with a fruit strip in it.
It was the only wig I could find! She had a wig, I borrowed it! I don't have easy access to wigs! Um, what's going on? I I caught experion trying to kill you! And Kaz has the whole thing on his phone! Yeah, um about that.
I forgot to hit the "record" button.
Hey, can you come in again? Skylar, I don't know what Oliver's talking about.
[Scoffs.]
Give it up! I heard you say you were going to choke her, and you're holding a chain! Oh, he's got you there! Yeah, I do have a chain.
It's a 14-carat gold choker.
- It's a present.
- Oops.
Twist! But I heard you say, "she's going to die!" From excitement, after seeing the choker.
It's beautiful! I could just die! Told ya.
He did.
You just got told.
Oliver, what is wrong with you? I told you he wasn't trying to kill me.
Or was he trying to kill you with kindness? - Just go.
- Ok.
Later, buddy! I've been working on that.
I'm sorry about Oliver.
He's just trying to protect me.
He's actually a good guy.
He should try to protect you.
Because I'm actually a bad guy.
What? I can't move.
Why are you doing this? I'm working for the annihilator.
He's worried you'll get your powers back and seek revenge.
So he wants me to deliver you to him.
- You can't do this! - Sure I can.
It's so easy, it's like taking diarrhea from a baby.
So I read your book, and I must say I loved it! That's fantastic! I do have a few small questions: Do the three blind mice have to be mice? Can they be ninjas instead? And does the old woman have to live in a shoe? That doesn't feel very aspirational.
- What are you talking about? - Your story.
What?! You read the wrong thing! This is a book of nursery rhymes.
Fine.
Then pitch me your idea, Mary Mary quite contrary.
Clyde, that's not going to work.
You're wasting your time staring all day at that vision board.
That's not true.
It's helped me achieve my first life goal: To stare all day at a vision board.
Well, I'm gonna come up with a more concrete plan, while you wait for someone to magically blurt out all the secrets to Mighty Med My comic is about a not-at-all awkward superhero who works at a top-secret hospital called - "Mighty Med.
" - [Jack-hammering.]
Create a network of tunnels until we find the entrance.
There, he toils under the reign of his far-less-attractive, bridge-loving Uncle, Horace Diaz.
- [Blender whirring.]
Step two, toast our victory with these delicious smoothies.
And the twist is that the location of this top secret superhero hospital is actually inside - a real hospital.
- [Bagpipes playing.]
Step three, I play this dirge at the funeral of our Nemesis! Sorry, no sale.
The lead kid is kind of unlikable.
Your face is kind of unlikable! Actually, I've been told I have a warm smile I said kind of unlikable! Yeesh.
Writers are so sensitive.
Now we'll walk quietly out of this hospital together, and if you make the slightest move to escape, I'll immobilize you again, and destroy your little normo friends.
Skylar, we wanted to say good-bye and apologize.
Experion, I'm sorry for what I said about you.
And wrote about you in my feelings journal.
He also drew a really mean picture of you in there hey! Stop reading my journal! Well, we really gotta go.
Wait! Skylar, I'm really going to miss hanging out with you every day.
So I got you a present to remember me by.
It's a friendship bracelet.
prefer coal, but thank you.
Goodbye, Skylar.
I hope you get your powers back.
- Take care of her, experion.
- Oh, don't worry, I will.
- Shouldn't you be signing out? - Oh right.
I can't believe Skylar's really going back to her planet.
I can't believe you gave her diamonds instead of coal.
You know nothing about women.
Wait! She just said she preferred coal.
But in issue 35, she becomes incapacitated when exposed to coal while saving those miners! That's right! It's one of her weaknesses! She knew we'd know that, and she's trying to signal us! We've got to stop him! [Alarm blaring.]
You think you can hide? Think! Experion has to have some weaknesses.
He can't see in the dark.
No one from caldera can.
Then Skylar won't be able to see either! Oh! There are night vision goggles in here somewhere.
Skylar, catch! Kaz, hit the lights! Skylar, look out! So can we still be friends? Sure! Oh, her.
You saved my life.
Thankfully, you got my signal about the coal.
Guess you know me better than I knew experion.
Hey That's what friends are for.
And, I'm sorry you won't be getting your powers back, but I'm glad you're ok.
Me, too.
So, you want to hang out? Maybe we could go see a movie? Sounds great! Oh, her.
Right.
Hello, fine human shopkeepers.
I've decided to give you one last human chance to buy my comic book - that takes place in Mighty med.
- [Paper shredder whirring.]
I'm sorry, what was that? Will you buy my comic book? And remember, I will not take "no" for an answer.
- Will you take "non" for an answer? - Non.
- Will you take "hayir" for an answer? - Hayir.
- Hapana? - Hapana.
- Nahim? - Nahim.
Look, kid, we're sorry, but we already found the next big thing.
We open on a wall! But not just any wall.
A wall with An egg sitting on it! [Both.]
Continue! What is this egg doing? Is this wall its home? Is he thinking of jumping? No! Don't jump, Mr.
egg! You've got so much to live for! No he doesn't, he's just an egg.