Perfect Harmony (2019) s01e13 Episode Script
Regionals
1 Nice poster, Reverend Jax.
- - Thank you, Dwayne.
We exceeded our construction paper budget for the year, so I moved some money around, took it out of double-sided tape Does anybody have any double-sided tape I could borrow? We are going to Lexington.
It's gonna be so fun.
Fun? No.
This is David versus Goliath.
Pastor Magnus and his choir think that they can beat us, but we're not the same choir we were six months ago, are we? Hell no! This time I know the songs.
And the real words, not just cheating off other people's mouths.
I wasn't looking for actual answers.
This is about more than music.
This is about moxie versus money.
CHOIR: Yeah.
This is about sincerity versus hypocrisy.
- [CHOIR AGREEING.]
- This is about persistence versus privilege.
- Amen! - All right.
This is about you beating the guy who wouldn't let you bury your wife in his cemetery.
And he kissed her.
And it is naive to think it stopped at a kiss.
- All right, can we - He did say Jean was kinky.
[CHOIR AGREEING.]
Uh, can we bring it in, please! The point is, I didn't stay in the cultural ass-crack of America's armpit in order to lose.
So clear your schedules for the next five days, because you're mine.
Now is the armpit in the ass-crack, or is the ass-crack in the armpit? [CHOIR ARGUING.]
- Who's first? - CHOIR: Second First! - You ready to blow?! - CHOIR: Yeah! Three, two, one, blow! [SURVIVOR'S "EYE OF THE TIGER".]
- Again.
- Push it, push it.
Rising up - Back on the street - Did my time Took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Three, two, go! Three, two, one.
Eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Rising up To the challenge of our rival - Yes! - And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night And he's watching us all With the eye - Better.
- Eye of the tiger [CHEERING.]
- - Let's do this! - Whoo! - Hey, guys, the bus will be here any second, and remember it is a tight squeeze, so only one bag per person, okay? One bag? That's impossible.
What if I'm going from an afternoon of athleisure to a smart casual dinner? Just wear the same cardigan you always wear.
- This is new.
- [CHOIR GASPS AND ADMONISHES.]
Nice, Wayne.
- [CHOIR ARGUING.]
- Who coughed? Seriously, is somebody sick? 'Cause if somebody's sick, they need to go home.
You would leave somebody behind? We are a herd of antelope, and that cough is a lion that is chasing us.
So you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna sacrifice the weak link, so that the lion will feast upon that carcass, and the rest of us might survive.
I'll be watching, and I'll be listening.
I'm gonna go see if Reverend Jax needs some help with his bag.
Appreciate it, Dwayne.
[COUNTRY MUSIC.]
You didn't make the cut.
I'm sorry.
- [COUGHING.]
- Dwayne, are you okay? - I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
I needed to eliminate an outfit.
So long, impromptu baptism.
[COUGHS.]
Can you keep a secret? What, that you're sick? I can keep that secret.
Can you? [POORLY CONCEALING COUGH.]
Okay, new plan: When you need to cough, just tap your chin with your finger, and I'll create a diversion.
- Hey, uh, Reverend Jax - Ginny! Ginny, bo-binny, banana-fana-fo-finny - Fi-fi-fo-finny, Ginny - I like that.
Um, oh wait, wait.
Did the bus company call and say why they're late? I have to be at the hotel by 6:00 for a job interview.
In Lexington? Would you have to move? Yes, but it's just an interview, and I probably won't get it.
I just I don't want Adams to find out.
She is my current boss and my forever friend.
- She's my boss friend.
- Reverend Jax.
Oh, come on, it's only two days! You don't need a turquoise bolo! Thank you, Ginny.
So long "antiquing with Ashley Judd.
" Could you do me a favor? When we get to Lexington, I need to duck out for a moment.
- Could you cover for me? - Of course.
Anything you need to discuss? You need to pack some drawers.
[GASPS.]
I guess this will be a commando trip.
God's love is all the support I need.
Now don't unplug Gram-Gram, no matter how mean she is.
Or how many times she asks you.
- [PHONE DINGS.]
- Mmhmm oh.
[GASPS.]
- Son of a biscuit! - What's wrong? Our bus broke down, and they can't get a replacement until tonight.
Sounds like sabotage.
You think Magnus is behind this? Arthur, focus! We gotta be in Lexington by 6:00 PM.
For team building purposes.
Well, my buddy Dookie might be able to help.
He has a bus.
I'm leery of any plan that hinges on a man named "Dookie," but how bad can it be? [LOUD TECHNO MUSIC.]
Dookie just has to drop these kids off at the Winter Formal, and then we're good to go.
Tell your friend to drive faster, Dookie! No more stopping for fake IDs.
You look familiar.
I was Snowflake Queen in 19 [MUMBLES.]
No, you're the lady that murdered her husband.
Do you do stepdads? I hate Rick.
- Honey, you can't afford me.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
No, don't answer that! Pastor Magnus! I'm so honored that you have my phone number! I hear you're having transportation issues.
How does he kn Quinn, will you get off social media! They're my only friends! If you need to back out of regionals, I'm sure everyone would understand.
Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you? You're looking at the face of the next regional champion! You got a little something here.
Oh, Lord, my God [COUNTRY MUSIC.]
Hi, hello, hi.
Hi, my name is Ginny Hawlings and I have a six o'clock appointment with Brian.
- Brian's dead.
- [GASPS.]
Oh, sorry.
I wish Brian was dead.
I was daydreaming.
- He just denied my vacation days.
- Oh.
But you might be able to catch him in the garage.
Vacation days.
That must be nice.
Wait, garage, garage, garage, garage Just text me the address.
I should be able to get out of here in an hour.
- Going somewhere? - Yeah.
I'm going to 1253 Mind Your Business Avenue.
- Okay.
- Hey, what's going on? We booked ten rooms.
How can there only be five? - There's a choral competition in town.
- Yeah.
[WHIMPERS.]
I know, it sounds stupid, but some people are into that.
Aw, you guys just can't catch a break.
It's like that saying, "the rich get richer.
" - But the opposite.
- What a shock.
Someone from Perpetual Praise is gloating.
Hang on, is Magnus behind this room thing? Yes, he's obsessed with you.
You're all he talks about.
Oh, wait, no.
That's Jesus.
Right, that zombie you all worship.
Well, looks like you and I are gonna have to share a bed.
You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon? Who are we kidding? We both know you're little spoon.
As much as I believe platonic cuddling is the answer to all of life's problems, I gotta come clean.
I got a cold, and I don't want Arthur sending me home.
Why didn't you tell me? I have the perfect cure.
On a scale of one to ten, what's your pain tolerance? Brian? Hi, I'm Ginny.
- From the phone.
- Oh.
I am so sorry that I was late to our interview, but I can talk now.
Well, I can't.
I'm meeting my mother for drinks.
Don't ask.
What a coincidence.
My other car is a TARDIS too.
- You a big "Doctor Who" fan? - Oh, my God, are you kidding? My mama always said I should marry a doctor, and I said, "Only if it's Doctor Who.
" Can you come back tomorrow at 11:00? 11:00? That's my middle name.
That was a joke.
It's 12:00.
That was also a joke.
It's JoAnne.
I'm actually really nervous.
It's Trish.
You know, I had a feeling you were sick.
We're connected, brother.
Like when one twin gets hurt and the other feels it.
Now, this might burn a little.
- 'Cause it's hot water? - Because it's grain alcohol.
- [STRAINED GRUNTING.]
- Aah, gah.
Ooh, our nose! Check it out.
I changed the sound check times.
I swapped our time with Perpetual Praise so they're gonna miss rehearsal, and we're gonna get double.
Payback's a bitch, and I am high on life.
Have you been drinking? Just a bunch of mini-bar bourbons and that Five Hour Energy that looked a hell of a lot like a mini-bar bourbon.
11:00? Oh, no, no, no.
- That won't work.
- Why not? - Don't freak out.
- Mm-kay.
But I have a job interview.
It would mean a raise, and health insurance, even dental.
I could stop wearing Cash's old retainer.
Yeah, you should definitely stop doing that 'cause that's really gross.
You have to reschedule.
You're the soloist.
You don't understand how much this means to me.
- To you? - Mm-hmm.
Obliterating Magnus is the reason I stayed here You convinced me to lead this choir, and you're not sticking it out? I don't want to leave Conley Fork.
My Gram-Gram would destroy me on social media.
But you're the one who told me to dream bigger.
No, don't blame me for your selfishness.
So wanting what's best for my family is selfish? Deserting people who are depending on you is selfish, yes.
I think you should leave.
Go on.
Git.
- Don't you mean "get?" - I mean git.
It rhymes with "stuck-up piece of [BLEEP.]
.
" Appreciate the hospitality.
Maybe if I offered mixed nuts, people would open up to me more.
- Taxi! - I have to go.
[REMIX OF DEAD OR ALIVE'S "YOU SPIN ME (LIKE A RECORD)".]
Ah I get to know your name Well, if I Could trace your private number, baby Rev? - Did you follow me here? - Yes.
But only because I care.
I don't understand why you don't trust me.
Everyone else in the church thinks I'm a good pastor now that Bernice is dead.
Please welcome to the stage Madame Adams! - [CHEERING.]
- Hello, my beautiful babies! I'm Madame Adams, and I've been keeping it tight since 19 [MUMBLES.]
.
[LAUGHTER.]
That man is doing an impression of you.
- Does he know you? - That's my husband, Keith.
Your dead husband is alive? No, my alive husband who's about to be dead.
You stole my life! And my dress! I look like a young Beyoncé.
Damn it, he's really pulling it off.
For spacious skies So your big secret is that you didn't murder your husband? His parents are conservative.
They were never gonna accept him.
He had to leave Conley Fork to be who he is! So I said I'd cover for him.
I do not warble like that.
So now I know why you never denied the murder rumors.
You were protecting Keith.
That's very noble.
I'm Madame Adams, the owner of this club and the mineral rights below.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- He's like a younger you.
He's like an older you.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
He doesn't look like you.
So glad you made it.
- Who's your friend? - I'm Reverend Jax, her beloved and trusted pastor and also her best friend! He followed me here.
So he's from Conley Fork, where people still believe I'm dead.
Until now.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
- I met someone.
- That's amazing! Except, because of our secret, he thinks I'm a murderer.
That gives you the upper hand in the relationship.
- I don't see the problem.
- Secrets can be a real burden.
Oh, really? I wouldn't know that as a gay black man in Kentucky.
Listen, I am glad that you got to start over, but my new life can't start until people in Conley Fork know the truth.
I'm just not ready yet.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for the next show.
Let's go.
I kind of ordered some huevos rancheros.
[COUNTRY MUSIC.]
Hello again - Jan.
- Jan, Jan, ba-bam, banana-fana-fo-fam I am back for my interview with Brian.
Brian's behind schedule, but you can have a seat.
Oh.
This place is big as hell! Or heaven.
Anybody else feel small? Welcome to my world, buddy.
[WHISTLES.]
A burp would echo so loud in here.
[ECHOES.]
Don't be intimidated.
Quinn, do me a favor.
Stand by that back riser.
Where's that come up? Comes up right to his hip, don't they? He's right.
They do! - What's that mean? - It means they are the same height as the ones we've been practicing on in Conley Fork.
Adams, touch those robes.
A random rack of robes that could belong to vagabonds? - No thank you.
- Junior.
Feels like a polyester blend.
Low viscosity.
10% rayon, max.
It's the same material as our cheap choir robes, am I right? - Yes.
- They are.
- Yes.
- I want this win against Magnus more than anything, and I know you do too.
Every one of you.
Except Ginny.
- Where is she? - [ECHOES.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
Excuse me, where is the bathroom? Oh, is it right here? Thank you so much.
- You've been great! - That's where Brian is Brian, I am withdrawing my application, which is your loss because I am the best candidate for this position, because unlike you, I am punctual.
And I'm honest, which is why I'm gonna tell you I watched "Doctor Who," and it makes absolutely no sense.
I mean, the bad guys are trash cans.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere more important to be.
Good luck finding a better assistant manager than me.
But I'm the assistant manager.
That's why I called you in here, Gary.
Okay, I know this is just sound check, but I want you to put everything into these two numbers.
I want to blow Magnus' toupee so far off his head, it lands in the woods and squirrels nest in it.
Can I get an amen? ALL: Amen! Guys! Guys, I'm here.
- I'm here.
- [CHOIR SCOLDING.]
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry that I'm late.
That was for them and not for you.
Girl, what are you wearing? You look like a court-appointed attorney.
- Hit it.
- [CHOIR CHATTING.]
[NORMAN GREENBAUM'S "SPIRIT IN THE SKY".]
We are the reigning, reigning, reigning champions, and we would not miss our sound check.
[DRIVING '60S ROCK.]
I have in my hand a schedule that says you changed our time with the Second First Church of the Cumberlands! When I die, and they lay me to rest Gonna go to the place that's the best When I lay me down to die Going up to the spirit in the sky Going up to the spirit in the sky ALL: Spirit in the sky That's where I'm gonna go when I die ALL: When I die When I die and they lay me to rest I'm gonna go to the place that's the best - Yeah, though I walk through - What in creation is this? This was supposed to be our time! Your sound check was an hour ago.
You missed it, so they skipped you.
He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house! Says the man who sabotaged our bus and stole our hotel rooms.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Yeah, well, do you remember denying my wife's dying wish to be buried in your cemetery? I have asked God to help me like you, but some prayers will go unanswered.
Yeah, well, imaginary friends are so unreliable.
Pray as hard as you want.
You're gonna lose.
[GROWLS.]
- [MOANS.]
- [CHOIR EXCLAIMING.]
[CYMBALS CRASHING.]
Medic! What no, no, I'm fine! I'm fine I got you buddy.
[GRUNTING.]
Rest easy in my jacked arms.
Nope, I can't do it.
Too huge, going down! Oh, my God, did I just kill Magnus? No, he's not dead, and a lot of things can cause a heart attack.
This is all your fault! I need to go in the ambulance with him to keep his hair on straight.
It's what he would want.
I spoke to the other pastors.
We decided out of respect for Pastor Magnus, we should cancel regionals.
I'll tell the choir.
Are you okay? Worst thing in the world just happened to the person I hate most.
You think I'd be happy, but I'm sad.
Well, of course you are.
- You're not a monster.
- Oh, really? I tried to keep you from taking a shot at a better life.
Oof, doesn't matter.
[LAUGHS.]
I screwed it up, and I am sure that I will not get it.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Mm.
Back to me.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I mean, ever since Jean died, revenge is the only thing that's been keeping me going.
Well, on the surface, maybe.
But underneath, I mean, wasn't it about friendship and community and the joy of making music with us? Nah.
I don't live in Mr.
Rogers' Neighborhood.
Unless there's a bar.
[SAD COUNTRY MUSIC.]
Yep, kind of a bummer we don't get to perform.
Dookie was really looking forward to it.
I know a place we might be able to perform.
- Just need to make a call.
- Great.
I don't know what those paramedics shot me full of, but I feel like singing, dancing, or getting slapped in the face.
Whoo! Now that's what I'm talking about, baby.
[MUMBLING TO HIMSELF.]
Are you sure you're ready for this? Absolutely.
I thought about it and, I'm proud of the person I've become.
It's about time I showed him to the world.
And thank you for not murdering me.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Come on in! Y'all remember Keith? My ex-husband who moved to Lexington to open a drag club, but didn't want anyone in Conley Fork to know, so he faked his death and let everyone think I'm a murderer? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Surprise! [ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY.]
- You look amazing! - Well, thank you, thank you.
Okay, look, look, look, look, look, look.
We can catch up later.
Right now, I have an empty stage, and you have a performance to give.
Come on, I'll show you where to go.
[ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY.]
Are we gonna sing "Ave Maria" here? Well, maybe.
With a twist.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Oh.
Hello? Ginny, it's Brian from the Lexington Inn.
Oh, before you say anything, I am so sorry for being rude earlier.
No, you're a straight shooter, which is why I'm offering you the job.
How soon can you relocate to Lexington? Guess we're doing this.
[GASPS.]
Arthur! - You came! - Yeah, 154 texts later.
Why are we in a drag club? Because it doesn't matter where our choir gets to perform, just that we make music together.
Also, the lighting is impeccable.
You guys go ahead.
You're better off without me.
Then just stay and listen.
I know you're in pain.
But I also know that music is your connection to what I call God.
So shut up and notice the love all around you! And if you get a chance, order the huevos rancheros.
- [CHOIR HARMONIZING.]
- Ave Maria Gratia plena [OPERATIC NOTE.]
Do you believe in life after love? Ave Maria I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough, no What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for you? Well, I can't do that And there's no turning back I need time to move on I need love to feel strong 'Cause I've had time to think it through BOTH: And maybe I'm too good for you, oh ALL: Do you believe in life after love? Ave Maria I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough, no - Ah - Ave Maria Ave Maria I can feel something inside me say Yeah, I really don't think you're strong enough Ave Maria [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- - Thank you, Dwayne.
We exceeded our construction paper budget for the year, so I moved some money around, took it out of double-sided tape Does anybody have any double-sided tape I could borrow? We are going to Lexington.
It's gonna be so fun.
Fun? No.
This is David versus Goliath.
Pastor Magnus and his choir think that they can beat us, but we're not the same choir we were six months ago, are we? Hell no! This time I know the songs.
And the real words, not just cheating off other people's mouths.
I wasn't looking for actual answers.
This is about more than music.
This is about moxie versus money.
CHOIR: Yeah.
This is about sincerity versus hypocrisy.
- [CHOIR AGREEING.]
- This is about persistence versus privilege.
- Amen! - All right.
This is about you beating the guy who wouldn't let you bury your wife in his cemetery.
And he kissed her.
And it is naive to think it stopped at a kiss.
- All right, can we - He did say Jean was kinky.
[CHOIR AGREEING.]
Uh, can we bring it in, please! The point is, I didn't stay in the cultural ass-crack of America's armpit in order to lose.
So clear your schedules for the next five days, because you're mine.
Now is the armpit in the ass-crack, or is the ass-crack in the armpit? [CHOIR ARGUING.]
- Who's first? - CHOIR: Second First! - You ready to blow?! - CHOIR: Yeah! Three, two, one, blow! [SURVIVOR'S "EYE OF THE TIGER".]
- Again.
- Push it, push it.
Rising up - Back on the street - Did my time Took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Three, two, go! Three, two, one.
Eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Rising up To the challenge of our rival - Yes! - And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night And he's watching us all With the eye - Better.
- Eye of the tiger [CHEERING.]
- - Let's do this! - Whoo! - Hey, guys, the bus will be here any second, and remember it is a tight squeeze, so only one bag per person, okay? One bag? That's impossible.
What if I'm going from an afternoon of athleisure to a smart casual dinner? Just wear the same cardigan you always wear.
- This is new.
- [CHOIR GASPS AND ADMONISHES.]
Nice, Wayne.
- [CHOIR ARGUING.]
- Who coughed? Seriously, is somebody sick? 'Cause if somebody's sick, they need to go home.
You would leave somebody behind? We are a herd of antelope, and that cough is a lion that is chasing us.
So you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna sacrifice the weak link, so that the lion will feast upon that carcass, and the rest of us might survive.
I'll be watching, and I'll be listening.
I'm gonna go see if Reverend Jax needs some help with his bag.
Appreciate it, Dwayne.
[COUNTRY MUSIC.]
You didn't make the cut.
I'm sorry.
- [COUGHING.]
- Dwayne, are you okay? - I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
I needed to eliminate an outfit.
So long, impromptu baptism.
[COUGHS.]
Can you keep a secret? What, that you're sick? I can keep that secret.
Can you? [POORLY CONCEALING COUGH.]
Okay, new plan: When you need to cough, just tap your chin with your finger, and I'll create a diversion.
- Hey, uh, Reverend Jax - Ginny! Ginny, bo-binny, banana-fana-fo-finny - Fi-fi-fo-finny, Ginny - I like that.
Um, oh wait, wait.
Did the bus company call and say why they're late? I have to be at the hotel by 6:00 for a job interview.
In Lexington? Would you have to move? Yes, but it's just an interview, and I probably won't get it.
I just I don't want Adams to find out.
She is my current boss and my forever friend.
- She's my boss friend.
- Reverend Jax.
Oh, come on, it's only two days! You don't need a turquoise bolo! Thank you, Ginny.
So long "antiquing with Ashley Judd.
" Could you do me a favor? When we get to Lexington, I need to duck out for a moment.
- Could you cover for me? - Of course.
Anything you need to discuss? You need to pack some drawers.
[GASPS.]
I guess this will be a commando trip.
God's love is all the support I need.
Now don't unplug Gram-Gram, no matter how mean she is.
Or how many times she asks you.
- [PHONE DINGS.]
- Mmhmm oh.
[GASPS.]
- Son of a biscuit! - What's wrong? Our bus broke down, and they can't get a replacement until tonight.
Sounds like sabotage.
You think Magnus is behind this? Arthur, focus! We gotta be in Lexington by 6:00 PM.
For team building purposes.
Well, my buddy Dookie might be able to help.
He has a bus.
I'm leery of any plan that hinges on a man named "Dookie," but how bad can it be? [LOUD TECHNO MUSIC.]
Dookie just has to drop these kids off at the Winter Formal, and then we're good to go.
Tell your friend to drive faster, Dookie! No more stopping for fake IDs.
You look familiar.
I was Snowflake Queen in 19 [MUMBLES.]
No, you're the lady that murdered her husband.
Do you do stepdads? I hate Rick.
- Honey, you can't afford me.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
No, don't answer that! Pastor Magnus! I'm so honored that you have my phone number! I hear you're having transportation issues.
How does he kn Quinn, will you get off social media! They're my only friends! If you need to back out of regionals, I'm sure everyone would understand.
Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you? You're looking at the face of the next regional champion! You got a little something here.
Oh, Lord, my God [COUNTRY MUSIC.]
Hi, hello, hi.
Hi, my name is Ginny Hawlings and I have a six o'clock appointment with Brian.
- Brian's dead.
- [GASPS.]
Oh, sorry.
I wish Brian was dead.
I was daydreaming.
- He just denied my vacation days.
- Oh.
But you might be able to catch him in the garage.
Vacation days.
That must be nice.
Wait, garage, garage, garage, garage Just text me the address.
I should be able to get out of here in an hour.
- Going somewhere? - Yeah.
I'm going to 1253 Mind Your Business Avenue.
- Okay.
- Hey, what's going on? We booked ten rooms.
How can there only be five? - There's a choral competition in town.
- Yeah.
[WHIMPERS.]
I know, it sounds stupid, but some people are into that.
Aw, you guys just can't catch a break.
It's like that saying, "the rich get richer.
" - But the opposite.
- What a shock.
Someone from Perpetual Praise is gloating.
Hang on, is Magnus behind this room thing? Yes, he's obsessed with you.
You're all he talks about.
Oh, wait, no.
That's Jesus.
Right, that zombie you all worship.
Well, looks like you and I are gonna have to share a bed.
You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon? Who are we kidding? We both know you're little spoon.
As much as I believe platonic cuddling is the answer to all of life's problems, I gotta come clean.
I got a cold, and I don't want Arthur sending me home.
Why didn't you tell me? I have the perfect cure.
On a scale of one to ten, what's your pain tolerance? Brian? Hi, I'm Ginny.
- From the phone.
- Oh.
I am so sorry that I was late to our interview, but I can talk now.
Well, I can't.
I'm meeting my mother for drinks.
Don't ask.
What a coincidence.
My other car is a TARDIS too.
- You a big "Doctor Who" fan? - Oh, my God, are you kidding? My mama always said I should marry a doctor, and I said, "Only if it's Doctor Who.
" Can you come back tomorrow at 11:00? 11:00? That's my middle name.
That was a joke.
It's 12:00.
That was also a joke.
It's JoAnne.
I'm actually really nervous.
It's Trish.
You know, I had a feeling you were sick.
We're connected, brother.
Like when one twin gets hurt and the other feels it.
Now, this might burn a little.
- 'Cause it's hot water? - Because it's grain alcohol.
- [STRAINED GRUNTING.]
- Aah, gah.
Ooh, our nose! Check it out.
I changed the sound check times.
I swapped our time with Perpetual Praise so they're gonna miss rehearsal, and we're gonna get double.
Payback's a bitch, and I am high on life.
Have you been drinking? Just a bunch of mini-bar bourbons and that Five Hour Energy that looked a hell of a lot like a mini-bar bourbon.
11:00? Oh, no, no, no.
- That won't work.
- Why not? - Don't freak out.
- Mm-kay.
But I have a job interview.
It would mean a raise, and health insurance, even dental.
I could stop wearing Cash's old retainer.
Yeah, you should definitely stop doing that 'cause that's really gross.
You have to reschedule.
You're the soloist.
You don't understand how much this means to me.
- To you? - Mm-hmm.
Obliterating Magnus is the reason I stayed here You convinced me to lead this choir, and you're not sticking it out? I don't want to leave Conley Fork.
My Gram-Gram would destroy me on social media.
But you're the one who told me to dream bigger.
No, don't blame me for your selfishness.
So wanting what's best for my family is selfish? Deserting people who are depending on you is selfish, yes.
I think you should leave.
Go on.
Git.
- Don't you mean "get?" - I mean git.
It rhymes with "stuck-up piece of [BLEEP.]
.
" Appreciate the hospitality.
Maybe if I offered mixed nuts, people would open up to me more.
- Taxi! - I have to go.
[REMIX OF DEAD OR ALIVE'S "YOU SPIN ME (LIKE A RECORD)".]
Ah I get to know your name Well, if I Could trace your private number, baby Rev? - Did you follow me here? - Yes.
But only because I care.
I don't understand why you don't trust me.
Everyone else in the church thinks I'm a good pastor now that Bernice is dead.
Please welcome to the stage Madame Adams! - [CHEERING.]
- Hello, my beautiful babies! I'm Madame Adams, and I've been keeping it tight since 19 [MUMBLES.]
.
[LAUGHTER.]
That man is doing an impression of you.
- Does he know you? - That's my husband, Keith.
Your dead husband is alive? No, my alive husband who's about to be dead.
You stole my life! And my dress! I look like a young Beyoncé.
Damn it, he's really pulling it off.
For spacious skies So your big secret is that you didn't murder your husband? His parents are conservative.
They were never gonna accept him.
He had to leave Conley Fork to be who he is! So I said I'd cover for him.
I do not warble like that.
So now I know why you never denied the murder rumors.
You were protecting Keith.
That's very noble.
I'm Madame Adams, the owner of this club and the mineral rights below.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- He's like a younger you.
He's like an older you.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
He doesn't look like you.
So glad you made it.
- Who's your friend? - I'm Reverend Jax, her beloved and trusted pastor and also her best friend! He followed me here.
So he's from Conley Fork, where people still believe I'm dead.
Until now.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
- I met someone.
- That's amazing! Except, because of our secret, he thinks I'm a murderer.
That gives you the upper hand in the relationship.
- I don't see the problem.
- Secrets can be a real burden.
Oh, really? I wouldn't know that as a gay black man in Kentucky.
Listen, I am glad that you got to start over, but my new life can't start until people in Conley Fork know the truth.
I'm just not ready yet.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for the next show.
Let's go.
I kind of ordered some huevos rancheros.
[COUNTRY MUSIC.]
Hello again - Jan.
- Jan, Jan, ba-bam, banana-fana-fo-fam I am back for my interview with Brian.
Brian's behind schedule, but you can have a seat.
Oh.
This place is big as hell! Or heaven.
Anybody else feel small? Welcome to my world, buddy.
[WHISTLES.]
A burp would echo so loud in here.
[ECHOES.]
Don't be intimidated.
Quinn, do me a favor.
Stand by that back riser.
Where's that come up? Comes up right to his hip, don't they? He's right.
They do! - What's that mean? - It means they are the same height as the ones we've been practicing on in Conley Fork.
Adams, touch those robes.
A random rack of robes that could belong to vagabonds? - No thank you.
- Junior.
Feels like a polyester blend.
Low viscosity.
10% rayon, max.
It's the same material as our cheap choir robes, am I right? - Yes.
- They are.
- Yes.
- I want this win against Magnus more than anything, and I know you do too.
Every one of you.
Except Ginny.
- Where is she? - [ECHOES.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
Excuse me, where is the bathroom? Oh, is it right here? Thank you so much.
- You've been great! - That's where Brian is Brian, I am withdrawing my application, which is your loss because I am the best candidate for this position, because unlike you, I am punctual.
And I'm honest, which is why I'm gonna tell you I watched "Doctor Who," and it makes absolutely no sense.
I mean, the bad guys are trash cans.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere more important to be.
Good luck finding a better assistant manager than me.
But I'm the assistant manager.
That's why I called you in here, Gary.
Okay, I know this is just sound check, but I want you to put everything into these two numbers.
I want to blow Magnus' toupee so far off his head, it lands in the woods and squirrels nest in it.
Can I get an amen? ALL: Amen! Guys! Guys, I'm here.
- I'm here.
- [CHOIR SCOLDING.]
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry that I'm late.
That was for them and not for you.
Girl, what are you wearing? You look like a court-appointed attorney.
- Hit it.
- [CHOIR CHATTING.]
[NORMAN GREENBAUM'S "SPIRIT IN THE SKY".]
We are the reigning, reigning, reigning champions, and we would not miss our sound check.
[DRIVING '60S ROCK.]
I have in my hand a schedule that says you changed our time with the Second First Church of the Cumberlands! When I die, and they lay me to rest Gonna go to the place that's the best When I lay me down to die Going up to the spirit in the sky Going up to the spirit in the sky ALL: Spirit in the sky That's where I'm gonna go when I die ALL: When I die When I die and they lay me to rest I'm gonna go to the place that's the best - Yeah, though I walk through - What in creation is this? This was supposed to be our time! Your sound check was an hour ago.
You missed it, so they skipped you.
He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house! Says the man who sabotaged our bus and stole our hotel rooms.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Yeah, well, do you remember denying my wife's dying wish to be buried in your cemetery? I have asked God to help me like you, but some prayers will go unanswered.
Yeah, well, imaginary friends are so unreliable.
Pray as hard as you want.
You're gonna lose.
[GROWLS.]
- [MOANS.]
- [CHOIR EXCLAIMING.]
[CYMBALS CRASHING.]
Medic! What no, no, I'm fine! I'm fine I got you buddy.
[GRUNTING.]
Rest easy in my jacked arms.
Nope, I can't do it.
Too huge, going down! Oh, my God, did I just kill Magnus? No, he's not dead, and a lot of things can cause a heart attack.
This is all your fault! I need to go in the ambulance with him to keep his hair on straight.
It's what he would want.
I spoke to the other pastors.
We decided out of respect for Pastor Magnus, we should cancel regionals.
I'll tell the choir.
Are you okay? Worst thing in the world just happened to the person I hate most.
You think I'd be happy, but I'm sad.
Well, of course you are.
- You're not a monster.
- Oh, really? I tried to keep you from taking a shot at a better life.
Oof, doesn't matter.
[LAUGHS.]
I screwed it up, and I am sure that I will not get it.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Mm.
Back to me.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I mean, ever since Jean died, revenge is the only thing that's been keeping me going.
Well, on the surface, maybe.
But underneath, I mean, wasn't it about friendship and community and the joy of making music with us? Nah.
I don't live in Mr.
Rogers' Neighborhood.
Unless there's a bar.
[SAD COUNTRY MUSIC.]
Yep, kind of a bummer we don't get to perform.
Dookie was really looking forward to it.
I know a place we might be able to perform.
- Just need to make a call.
- Great.
I don't know what those paramedics shot me full of, but I feel like singing, dancing, or getting slapped in the face.
Whoo! Now that's what I'm talking about, baby.
[MUMBLING TO HIMSELF.]
Are you sure you're ready for this? Absolutely.
I thought about it and, I'm proud of the person I've become.
It's about time I showed him to the world.
And thank you for not murdering me.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Come on in! Y'all remember Keith? My ex-husband who moved to Lexington to open a drag club, but didn't want anyone in Conley Fork to know, so he faked his death and let everyone think I'm a murderer? - [LAUGHTER.]
- Surprise! [ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY.]
- You look amazing! - Well, thank you, thank you.
Okay, look, look, look, look, look, look.
We can catch up later.
Right now, I have an empty stage, and you have a performance to give.
Come on, I'll show you where to go.
[ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY.]
Are we gonna sing "Ave Maria" here? Well, maybe.
With a twist.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
- Oh.
Hello? Ginny, it's Brian from the Lexington Inn.
Oh, before you say anything, I am so sorry for being rude earlier.
No, you're a straight shooter, which is why I'm offering you the job.
How soon can you relocate to Lexington? Guess we're doing this.
[GASPS.]
Arthur! - You came! - Yeah, 154 texts later.
Why are we in a drag club? Because it doesn't matter where our choir gets to perform, just that we make music together.
Also, the lighting is impeccable.
You guys go ahead.
You're better off without me.
Then just stay and listen.
I know you're in pain.
But I also know that music is your connection to what I call God.
So shut up and notice the love all around you! And if you get a chance, order the huevos rancheros.
- [CHOIR HARMONIZING.]
- Ave Maria Gratia plena [OPERATIC NOTE.]
Do you believe in life after love? Ave Maria I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough, no What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for you? Well, I can't do that And there's no turning back I need time to move on I need love to feel strong 'Cause I've had time to think it through BOTH: And maybe I'm too good for you, oh ALL: Do you believe in life after love? Ave Maria I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough, no - Ah - Ave Maria Ave Maria I can feel something inside me say Yeah, I really don't think you're strong enough Ave Maria [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]