She-Wolf of London (1990) s01e13 Episode Script

(MAGGIE MOANING) (GROANING) Do you love me? I'm hot for you, baby.
(CLICKING TONGUE) Oh, come on.
Maggie, I need you.
You don't love me.
What's love? A brand of diapers? I'm hot for you, baby.
That's real.
That's horrible.
You're horrible.
I'm hot.
Take me home.
Now.
Maggie, I'm hot.
Stop saying those horrible words.
I'm hot, I'm hot, I'm hot.
Tim! Maggie.
I'm hot.
I'm hot.
Tim! I'm hot.
I'm hot.
(GRUNTS) That's disgusting! (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Ouch! Are you all right, dear? Mmm.
Mmm.
I'm fine, thanks.
Well, why did you scream, then? Scream? Me? Oh, I didn't scream.
That was a loud yawn.
Yeah, that's it.
See? What do you expect from a woman who eats chocolate ice cream for breakfast? I always eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast.
Unless I can find a good jelly donut.
The most important meal of the day.
Do we have any marshmallow syrup? How come you never let me have ice cream for breakfast? We let your father eat what he likes and look what happened to him.
He's in the pokey, you know.
Lan's twin brother.
Very tragic story.
So it's Spam and bacon for you, young man.
(EXCLAIMS) (IAN HUMMING) I'm fine, thanks.
Just don't tell lan, please.
Good morning, everyone.
ALL: Good morning.
Just don't tell lan what? About the surprise party.
Oh, it's ruined.
I ruined it.
All that hard work down the drain.
Why can't anyone around here keep a secret? (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) Excuse me.
Randi.
Mmm? Don't you mean, "Don't tell lan about the tooth that's causing me such agony"? What tooth? My teeth are fine.
Then why have you been chewing only with the right side of your face for the last week? Exercise.
Mmm-hmm.
Randi, there's no reason to be afraid of the dentist.
I am not afraid.
Come on.
I transform into a vicious, snarling beast every time there's a full moon.
I mean, now if I can go through that, then why would I be afraid of some dorky little guy with a drill and a needle? A huge, sharp, ugly needle that he jams into your gums.
Forces it in, till you think it's going to come out your ears.
Oh, God.
I'm not going.
Not ever! Oh, yes, you are.
Right after class today.
I've made the appointment.
You what? How could you? I just can't stand to watch you suffer like this anymore.
Will you hold my hand? And never let go.
(BELL CHIMING) So, it's not surprising that in rainforests like Brazil's, where life teems everywhere, the natives would believe that even inanimate objects were living spirits.
Such is the case with most Amazonian tribes.
For example, among the Guaranis, the trees, the rocks, even the air was considered living, thinking (IMITATES BUZZER BUZZING) Sorry.
We seem to have a frog loose in the room.
(ALL LAUGHING) As I was saying, the Guaranis believe that inanimate objects possess souls that (IMITATES BUZZER BUZZING) Sorry, Skipper, wrong again.
But we do have some delightful consolation prizes for you.
Carol Merrill, tell the Professor what he's won.
Give me a break.
Mr.
Cutler, this is not a quiz show.
I know.
Spend an hour on a quiz show, you walk away with a toaster.
What do you get out of here? Knowledge.
And if that doesn't interest you, maybe you should find another major.
Communications, perhaps.
(GREG CHUCKLES) Knowledge is great.
But it'd be better if you knew what you were talking about.
The Guaranis were not animists, Professor.
Their religion was far more complex than that.
You might classify it as voodoo.
I see.
Right.
We'll ignore everything I said today and ignore everything ever written about the Guaranis.
Obviously Mr.
Cutler has the truth.
You can't believe everything you read in books.
And what, pray tell, is The two years I spent in the Amazonian jungle.
You'd be amazed at what you can pick up if you're willing to experience life.
Yes, well, if you don't want to experience academic suspension, I suggest you learn some manners before you come back to my classroom.
(BELL RINGS) Right, that's it for today.
(ALL CHATTERING) By the way, let me have that essay in by the morning tomorrow.
Pompous, arrogant creep.
I can't believe you didn't hit him.
I would have.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
Carol Merrill, my butt.
Believe me, I wanted to toss him right out the door.
But one thought stopped me.
The thought that you might be fired for hitting a student? Nope.
The thought that he might be right.
Maybe I should go find out.
Don't you remember? You have a dentist's appointment! Hey, you surprised me.
Not nearly as much as I surprised the teach.
Greg Cutler.
Randi Wallace.
You know, I thought I was the only American in that class.
I never heard you speak before.
Usually I'm too bored to bother.
Beowulf, yes.
Jolly good and all that ruk-ruk.
(IMITATES YAWN) Anyone ever tell you you're a real pain in the ass? Once or twice.
Bad upbringing.
No mother? No civilization.
My parents were archeologists.
I grew up in the Arabian deserts and the African veldts.
I was left alone a lot.
I never acquired some of the more refined social skills.
I got a great tan, though.
(CHUCKLES) You know, you really should give Professor Matheson a chance.
I mean, I know he's wrong about the Guaranis, but he knows a lot more than you think.
It's book knowledge.
There's nothing like the experience of being in the field.
Have you had a chance to get your hands dirty yet? Filthy.
Then you know what I'm talking about.
Mmm-hmm.
And so does Professor Matheson.
Okay, you win.
I'll give him a chance if you give me one.
You? Yeah, I've got a little mythology study group of my own.
One of our members just crashed and burned and we're looking for a replacement.
Randi.
The next meeting is in five minutes.
Interested? IAN: Randi! Fascinated.
Let's go.
Where are you going? (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING) (SIGHS) LAURA: That was us.
We did that.
PHIL: We don't know that.
I do.
And I think you do, too.
Isn't it great? Great? We were just going to make Tim sweat a little.
It was supposed to be a joke.
Accidents happen.
We killed him! So it was a big accident.
Just think what we could do if we knew more.
Well, here we are.
Home, sweet home.
(CHUCKLES) Wow.
To think most people usually climb stairs.
I never would've thought about going up on a motorcycle.
What an experience.
Well, you haven't seen anything yet.
Hmm.
Hi.
Folks, this is a classmate of mine, Randi.
This is Laura.
This is Page.
And that's Philip.
RANDl: Hi.
Gather, amigos.
Laura.
I wandered into a tribe of Onghoul warriors once and they showed me the power of herbs.
They don't just taste good in salads.
They hold illusion, they hold pain, they show life.
(GASPS) I think I prefer the salad.
Herbs tell the truth.
Let's get to the good part.
(CHANTING IN TRIBAL LANGUAGE) GREG: I give you love.
(MOANING) I've given her to Batswan, God of the Forest.
She's (MOANING) Overcome by his strength.
Looks like this Batswan guy can really shake it, huh? Randi, there's a spirit in all of us.
You just have to know how to see it.
The crystals also purify the spirit by uncovering the soul.
(MOANING) Once you know the spirit, you can reach past the flesh that covers it and touch it.
Something wrong? Uh Just admiring your spirit.
(RATTLING) You're an awfully difficult man to find lately.
Not difficult enough, obviously.
Sorry.
I got a lot of studying to do.
So do I.
I want to know more.
Great.
This library's full of 6000 books.
Help yourself.
From you.
What happened to Tim? It's unbelievable.
Frankly, I thought you were a fun nut cake with some cute parlor games.
But this Tim is a charcoal briquette just because we said some mumbo-jumbo over some dolls, animal bones, a couple of matches.
This is powerful stuff.
I want to know more.
Stick with me, buddy boy.
You'll learn bit by bit.
You don't understand me, Mr.
Wizard.
I want to know it all.
Now.
I don't need a guru.
Page, it's not something you learn in five easy lessons.
I'll settle for one big lesson.
You've killed someone.
Nothing points to you yet.
Who knows? That may change.
You want one big lesson? You got it.
I knew you'd come round to my way of thinking.
When do I get it? Soon.
So he takes me to his loft, right, which is right by the B&B, okay? And it is really bizarre.
I mean, there's feathers, bones, chickens, stuffed animals.
What? No chips and dip? He is serious about this voodoo stuff.
He sticks a few pins in teddy bears, sings a little James Brown and you think he's a witch doctor.
Listen to this.
He gets one of the girls to lie down in the middle of the room and think she's having I mean, the way she was moaning and carrying on, it was like You know.
No, I don't know.
It was like she was having this tremendous Oh, come on, you're not going to make me say it, are you? Say what? Orgasm! (ALL LAUGHING) You certainly know how to make an entrance.
(CLEARS THROAT) (CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY) Right.
Let's see who's here.
Anderson.
Astaire.
Breeze.
Brown.
Conway.
Cutler.
Greg Cutler? Absent.
What a pity.
Take out your pieces of paper.
We're going to have a pop quiz.
(ALL GROANING) I want you to comment on one of the three subjects, within 200 words, before the end of the class.
(EXHALES) (GROANS) (WHISPERS) Ow.
(GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) IAN: Miss Wallace? Miss Wallace, are you all right? (SCREAMING) Randi? Really, Miss Wallace, you have to learn to take the pressure.
Tests are a part of academic life.
Carry on.
(GRUNTING) (RANDI SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) IAN: Randi? Randi.
Randi.
(RANDI PANTING) (LAUGHING) (RANDI SCREAMING) IAN: Randi, wait for me! Randi, come back here! Wait! Come here.
Randi, be reasonable.
This can't be happening.
(GROWLING) (GROWLING) (IAN GRUNTING) (GROWLING) (LAUGHING) It's daytime.
Weeks before a full moon.
(PANTING) Are you sure it isn't a cramp? God damn.
Oh, I guess not.
RANDl: Lan? Are you out there? Randi? Let me out of here.
How do I know? How do I know it's over? (SIGHS) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, lan, what's happening to me? The mythology of lycanthropy is very clear.
The werewolf emerges from within the cursed on the full moon and retreats into the soul at sunrise.
I thought I had some kind of control over this.
I don't.
Look, our own experience, although hardly empirical, has proven the mythology to be consistent with the reality.
I don't know what's going on.
I can change at any time.
Any time.
We must be logical, rational and scientific about this.
Clearly, some new element has been introduced that has altered the usual course of events.
I'm dangerous.
I can't even be allowed to walk along the street.
We will systematically trace every one of your movements since the last transformation and isolate whatever new elements or forces have been introduced into your environment.
I just I have to be chained up.
Oh That's it.
Chained up, until I'm dead.
Or you might transform at any (GROANS) Ow! This tooth.
Now, now, Miss Wallace, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Dr.
Andy's been treating me since I was a child.
And I'm still here to tell the tale.
(LAUGHING) Yes.
Thank you for staying so late to see us, Dr.
Andy.
My pleasure.
Lan.
He isn't safe.
You're not safe.
(DR.
ANDY LAUGHING) I haven't met a cavity yet I couldn't whip with good dental hygiene and a balanced diet.
Now, you look at Mr.
Seagull while I say hello to Mr.
Tooth.
Wouldn't it be Miss Tooth? Get me out of here.
By George, you're right.
Thank you, lan.
Yes, there's an extra lollipop waiting for you.
Chain me up! Fast! Oh, now, thank you, Dr.
Andy.
Randi, say, " Ah.
" (MEEKLY) Ah.
That's my girl.
Open wider.
Say, " Ah.
" (SCREAMS) I haven't touched you yet.
IAN: See? It's not that bad.
(SCREAMING) Well, time for Mr.
Novocain, I think.
(SCREAMING) Dr.
Andy, would you mind just giving us a moment? And lock the door on the way out.
Nonsense.
Let's behave like a grown-up.
(ROARING) (STAMMERING) I think I'll count the lollipops.
Yes.
(RANDI ROARING) No.
(ALL SCREAMING) (RANDI ROARING) (ROARING) What (WOMAN SCREAMING) (ROARS) (SCREAMING) (PANTING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (RANDI ROARING) (MAN EXCLAIMING) (ROARS) (ROARING) (ROARS) (SCREAMS) (PANTING) (ROARING) (GASPING) (WHIMPERING) (SCREAMING) RANDl: Just do it, lan.
You have to.
There's no choice.
There is always a choice.
(SIGHS) We'll find a way out of this madness, believe me.
You had a way.
You could have let me be found by the police.
And what good would that have done? I could have resisted arrest or I could have made them Listen, I don't want to hear any more of this! Now, stop it.
I killed a man today.
You never touched him.
You're not responsible for your actions.
(SNIFFLING) Stop rationalizing.
Face it.
There is no cure and you can't keep me chained here forever.
(CRYING) And I'm so tired, so just make it stop, please.
I will not give up now.
And neither will you.
This was no random act.
There were other forces at work.
I've accepted the truth.
The truth is that someone has taken control of you.
Someone's transforming you and using you as a killing machine.
You're just letting your feelings for me stop you from doing what's right.
So just do it, for both of us.
(CRYING) Just kill me.
Listen to me.
I will not kill you.
Not now, not ever.
Have the courage to fight.
Someone is using you.
Be angry, be furious, but don't give up.
The victim was a student at the university.
He was one of Greg Cutler's voodoo group.
(SNIFFLING) You didn't start transforming until you met him.
Now, think.
What does that tell you? That I'm lucky that you never do what I tell you to do.
(SOBBING) (SIGHS) We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise you.
Mr.
Cutler, please sit down.
(SIGHS) I found our discussion the other day in class quite illuminating.
I was just doing my part for higher education.
Well, I was hoping you might consider doing a little bit more.
I'm intrigued to know how the Guaranis' animism expresses itself in voodoo, and since you're such an expert What? You don't trust your books anymore? (CHUCKLES) Lately, I've found that experience can be a lot more interesting.
Well, you know what they say.
Those who can, do.
Those who can't, teach.
And those who don't know anything, make it up and pretend they do.
(LAUGHS) You know the sort.
The kind of blowhard braggart who blathers on a lot and is completely ignorant.
You know, we just so happen to have a few empty seats at our next study session.
My loft is just around the corner from your B&B.
Come along tonight.
I will.
I'll show you my whole bag of tricks.
(SIGHS) GREG: Hey, guys.
What's shaking? PHIL: We just heard about Page.
GREG: Gosh! What a tragedy.
We'll remember him at our little gathering tonight.
There's not going to be any gathering tonight.
It's finished.
Oh, really? I thought you were going to come by.
You know, we've got a very special guest coming tonight.
There's no telling how angry I'd be if you didn't show up.
Is that a threat? Well, Philip, that depends.
Is saying, "If you don't show up, something really horrible "is going to happen to you," a threat or good sound advice? Semantics was never my field.
Mull it over for yourselves.
What's all this? Well, I figured while you're down here, we might as well make the best of it.
Ta-da! Double-chili cheeseburger.
A glorious half-pound of ground beef.
I'm not hungry.
You'll love it.
Your arteries will stiffen, but your spirits will soar.
That's my girl.
Till I change again.
Maybe you won't.
Not ever.
Look, if Greg Cutler can use voodoo or whatever to turn you into a werewolf, maybe we can use it to keep you from transforming.
Mmm-hmm? Hmm.
Hmm.
At least that's what I hope to find out tonight.
Be careful.
Oh, don't worry.
All he's got going for him are seemingly unlimited voodoo skills.
I have the power to really mess up his grade point average.
(LAUGHS) Eat up.
(DOOR OPENS) You told us to come and we came.
And I'm glad.
Sit down.
Crack open a brewski and give me one while you're at it.
We didn't come here to be social.
Okay, so you're a little miffed about Page, but he was going to ruin all our fun.
You call what we did fun? You seemed to enjoy it.
A lot.
You all did.
That was before people started dying.
Are you kidding? That's when the fun really started to happen.
Where's your sense of humor? You're crazy! Crazy? I'm jazzed.
I haven't felt this good since, well, just before my parents died.
What happened? A freak accident.
They spontaneously combusted.
There seems to be a lot of that going around.
Odd, it happens wherever I go.
Philip, grab us a couple of cold ones.
Sure.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) Our guest of honor.
Professor Matheson, come in.
I didn't think you were actually going to make it tonight.
I wouldn't miss the opportunity to learn something new.
Good.
Then you're in for a treat.
This is a voodoo doll.
Cute little guy.
Wait a minute.
Isn't that my tie he's wearing? So he is.
And so stylish, too.
Want to see how it works? (SCREAMS) (GRUNTS) (PANTING) Oops.
Slipped.
(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Hmm.
8.
75 from the Cuban judge.
(GRUNTING) Did your grandmother buy you this tie? Did you really think that I'd show you anything that you could use against me? Get real.
(GRUNTS) This is great.
And there's more.
So, lan I can call you lan, can't I? What are you really doing here tonight and where's the babe? (DOOR OPENS) Lan? RANDl: Is that you? Hey Well, did we learn anything? You're starting to give me the creeps.
(GASPS) Oh, my God! What happened? Lan, what happened? What did he do, huh? What are you doing? Lan? What are you doing? What the hell is going on here, lan? (EXHALES) How did I get here? What am I doing chained? You chained yourself.
Don't you remember? You went to Greg's, then you came back and Oh, no.
Oh, no.
(BOTH GRUNTING) (RANDI GRUNTING) IAN: Oh, no! (GRUNTING) (RANDI SCREAMING) (ROARS) (ROARING) This'll teach him to throw a pop quiz without me.
I wish I was there to see this.
(LAUGHING) (ROARING) (PANTING) (ROARING) (GRUNTING) (LAUGHING) (CHOKING) (ROARING) (SCREAMS) (CHOKING) (SCREAMING) Phil, stop it.
You're killing him.
That's the idea, baby.
(CHOKING) (PANTING) Oh, lan.
I could have killed you.
You still might, unless we get out of here.
(PANTING) Is he dead? If he's not, he soon will be.
We can stuff him in my car and chuck him in the Thames.
You're talking about murder! I'm talking about saving our lives.
It's him or us.
I'm not going to be a murderer.
You already are.
Who do you think torched poor Tim? We did that.
It was an accident.
And if we don't kill Greg, we're going to have accidents, too.
We'll be walking across the quad and we'll dissolve or something.
The bastard's going in the river.
(BOTH CHOKING) (COUGHING) (LAUGHING) (GASPING) (GASPS) (GRUNTS) Every time I try to have a little fun with my friends, this happens.
It really hurts me.
I'm losing my faith in people.
(CHOKING) Gosh, what a mess.
Randi.
RANDl: What are we going to do now? We'll find out when we get there.
I'm glad you're so confident.
It can't get any worse.
(GASPS) Oh, yeah? (GROANING) (SCREAMING) (ROARING) (GREG SCREAMING) My mom was right.
(GRUNTS) Boys should not be allowed to play with little dolls.
DR.
ANDY: Miss Tooth is looking much better now.
She was hurting you because she was angry.
You've been neglecting her.
You must pay more attention to your friends, the teeth.
Their neighbors, the gums, need some attention, too.
Remember, you don't have to floss all your teeth.
Just the ones you want to keep.
(CHUCKLES) Spit.
(SPITS) (DOOR OPENS) And how's our patient? In serious danger of losing her lollipop.
IAN: Randi, I'm astonished.
I'm getting you some floss.
Help yourself to a lollipop from the treasure chest.
We have encountered some hideous monsters, but he is the worst.
While you've been here, I've been out disposing of the voodoo dolls according to the ancient Guaranis legend.
They've been soaked in blood, ground into dust and spread over a bountiful harvest.
Sounds like a lot more fun than having a cavity filled by that quack.
There is a serious problem.
A doll is missing.
You must have miscounted in all the excitement.
Randi, you don't understand.
If this doll should fall into the wrong hands, it could be catastrophic.
Well, what are you saying? I mean, what could possibly happen? Yes, you're right.
I'm worrying over nothing.
I mean, if someone did find it, they wouldn't understand its significance, anyway.
Right.
IAN: After all, it's just a rag doll.
Yep.
I mean, it's the knowledge that counts.
Absolutely.
(DR.
ANDY SCREAMING)