Son of the Beach (2000) s01e13 Episode Script
Mario Putzo's... The Last Dong
Halfmanicotti, halfpina colada swirl.
Hey, you want some garlicwith that? It's on me-- Papa Gigio.
[Laughs.]
Thereyou are.
Enjoy it.
Hey, what'll it be, fellas? I got a nice Rocky Road parmesan.
My name is Vinnie Fellachio.
These are my associates: FatTony, Overweight Sal, and Morbidly Obese Frankie.
What doyou want? I'm new in town, but I'm thinking you could use some protection.
[Laughs.]
Protection? I left NewYork to get awayfrom bums likeyou.
I'm not playing your game.
Sureyou are, Pops.
Hey, boys, show him what he's won.
H-h-hey! Aah! Getyour hands off me! No! No! Aah! Aah! Aah! Put me down! Put me down! No! [Thud.]
[Laughs.]
Announcer: Tonight's episode Announcer: Condoms wereworn during the filming of Son ofthe Beach.
- [Gasps.]
- [Gasps.]
Oh! I can't believe Papa Gigio got whacked.
Somebody offed him! But he's so old.
Who would whack him off? Why, Papa Gigio? Why did you die? E vivo core tu te vive vere.
I didn't know Notch spoke Italian.
Gradisco sedersi nei feces del cane.
Aw, Notch.
Mr.
Gigio must have meant a lot to you.
Oh, yes! He put me through lifeguard academy.
You might say he was the wind beneath my shorts.
Well, I justwish therewere more clues to help us find the killer.
Oh, we'll find him, all right.
Hey, isn't that Mark Fuhrman? B.
J.
: What's he doing here? Jamaica: Ooh! I told you the brother didn't do it! [Laughs.]
Hey, gang.
I've just been analyzing these crime scene blood samples.
They're type A.
Positive? Well, I'm not going to bet money on it, but I think so.
Whoa! Oh, darn! Who's gonna clean up this blood? [Steve Barks.]
Notch: Ha ha ha! Good boy, Steve! Ha ha ha! Don't forget the glass! [Crunches Glass.]
Guten tag, everyone.
This is my sister Eva.
She's visiting from Germany.
Hi.
Hi.
How areyou? Hey, guys, Eva was supposed to staywith me, but my place is packed with workout equipment and protein bars.
Mmm! I love protein! Can she stay with one ofyou? Don't look at me.
I'm sharing my cribwith my mama, my grandmama, my great-grandmama, and my great-great-grandmama and she pregnant! Eva, you could stay on my boat, but it's being fumigated for head lice and dung beetles.
Hey, Kimberlee, how about opening upyour spread? Well, sure! Yeah! I've got plenty ofroom.
Just me and the cats.
Doyou mean kitty cats or people named Katz? What does it matter? You're allergic to both.
Oh.
You can staywith me, but it'll be a tight fit.
Oh, I don't mind.
It sounds wunderbar.
Dankeschoen.
Hey, boss, tell me again.
Why are we here in Malibu Adjacent? Shut up and sit down.
What areyou, stupid, you moron? Where else we gonna go? We've been thrown out of NewJersey.
Yeah, but to control Malibu Adjacent, you gotta control the beaches, and to control the beaches, you gotta get past Notch Johnson.
Forget about it.
First we take care ofthe mayor.
As far as I'm concerned, this Notch Johnson is just a big pussy.
Eva: Your home is so cute! Eva: Your home is so cute! So I guess it's not onlywhite trash people who live in trailers, huh? I don't know.
I ain't lived nowheres else.
[Spits.]
Eva, I hope you don't mind, but I've really got to get to bed.
I can feel Mr.
Sandman coming.
Same here.
After all, in California it's 8:00, but in Berlin, it's 1 945.
Oh, B.
J.
?.
I have a question.
Doyou mind ifI sleep in the nude? Doesn't bother me in the least.
[Kiss.]
Mmm! I loveyou! Mm-mmm! Mmm! Well, good night.
Ahh! These sheets are so soft! Theyfeel so good against my silver dollar nipples.
B.
J.
, I'm a little cold.
Doyou mind ifI snuggle up againstyou? Um, well-- Oh, that is so good! So soft to the touch! Aah! Oh! My hand must have slipped.
[Thinking.]
I don't believe it! Eva's hand entered my girlie region.
I'll bet she's a lesbiantologist.
Women do experiment, but I've neverthought about mewith anotherwoman.
Whatwould that be like? La la la la la la La la la [Whispers.]
Touch me Let it go Let it go Try something new Try something new - Touch me - Touch me You knowyou want to You know you want to La la la La la la You know you want to Ah la la Let it go Let it go Aah! [Gasps.]
God, what's the matter, B.
J.
?.
I screamed.
Sowhat? Now, for the last time, good night.
Mayor: Tell your readers that murder will not be tolerated in mytown.
Mayor Anita Massengil always gets her Grr! Man.
Oh! The service must have sentyou.
I asked for big, but what I meant was [Gasps.]
3 ofyou! That would be a record for me, but, uh I'll give it a shot.
There'll be plenty oftime forthat later, sister.
For now, sit down and let's talk aboutyourfuture.
[Snaps.]
I've seen your picture.
You're Vinnie Fellachio, aren'tyou? Mayor, I'm here to makeyou an offer you can't say no to.
Ifyou think for one minute that I'm doing business with you hoodlums, you've got anotherthing coming.
I'm calling the police.
Commissioner Gordon, please.
You don't want to do that.
[Muffled.]
[Gasps.]
No! Not my Kody! Mother, these men burst into my room, threw me down, forced my arms behind my back, and then handcuffed me.
A little tighter, please.
Do what I say, and we'll send the kid back toyou.
[Whimpers.]
Don't do what I say, and we'll still send the kid back toyou, one piece at a time.
Capisce? Oh! [Men Laugh.]
No! No! [Chalk Breaks.]
Oh, Notch, what's wrong? It's Papa Gigio.
I remember how he used to tuck me in at night, turn offthe lights, and put me to sleep with this little song.
Oh, mywife's too fat for pasta So I make her some calzone Oh, hi, Mayor.
Oh! I've come to askyou all a big favor.
Last night, mobsters came and kidnapped Kody.
He's been kidnapped by the Vinnie Fellachio crime gang.
TheVinnie Fellachio crime gang? I bet that's who killed Papa Gigio.
I'm about to utterwords I neverthought I'd say.
Notch, will you h will you hee! Will you [Squeaks.]
help me? Say no more, Mayor.
I'm a lifeguard.
I do 2 things: promotewater safety and bring down crime families.
- [Gasps.]
- [Alarm Rings.]
[Alarm Rings.]
Guten morgen.
[Sighs.]
I slept like a little kitty cat.
How aboutyou? Thanks toyou, I didn't sleep at all.
You put the moves on me.
Really? I didn't mean to.
Itwas just a harmless little pass.
Harmless little pass? I feltyour hand on myteetsywoowoo.
So? So? That means you're lesbianific! I'm not a lesbian.
I'm European.
European? That's right.
We Europeans like all kinds ofsex.
Well, that doesn't mean I'm that way.
Or perhaps it does.
I mean, you seem so upset.
Or maybeyou are hiding something.
You guys, I am really allergic to cigar smoke.
Hearthat, boys? Tinkerbell over here, he don't like our stogies.
[Men Laugh.]
Hello? What about your diets? Shut up before I plug ya! Promise me whateveryou want, butyou will never get to Notch Johnson.
He's got this bodyguard--Chip.
He is really buff and so handsome.
Fellachio: Oh, yeah? Well, let's just say pretty boy Chip might not have his looks when we're through with him.
[Men Laugh.]
- Whoo! - Whoo! - Whoo! Whoo! - Whoo! Oh, B.
J.
Cummings! What a nice surprise.
What areyou doing on my side ofthe tracks? Nothing much, Ellen.
Whatcha doin'? Shucking clams.
I love to shuck.
But these clams aren't the onlything that smells fishy here.
What's going on, honey? It's just thatwell a beautiful woman hit on me last night, and I just started thinking, how-- How the dam has burst and all these strange, new feelings are flooding your body? Exactly! It's like I pulled myfinger out ofa dike! Ellen, can you help me? Can you help me get to the truth ofwho I am? I sure can, sweetie.
All you gotta do is eat my box lunch.
But I haven't made that commitmentyet.
No, B.
J.
Eat this.
No, not now! You have towait till tomorrow when the clock strikes high noon.
And you'll be very hungry, sowhichever item you choose to eat will tell you whether you're straight or a vegetarian.
[Quietly.]
I'm hoping.
I'm hoping.
- Whoo! - Whoo! - Whoo! - Whoo! Yo! Homeless guy.
Yeah? Looks likeyou got a nice little operation going here.
I'm comfortable.
Good foryou.
Look.
We got a little proposition foryou.
From now on, you're gonna give me half ofyour glass bottle and your begging business.
What do I get in return? You get to live.
Not much ofan upside for me.
No, thanks.
No, thanks.
Boys, he says, "' No, thanks.
"' "' No, thanks"'! - [Laughs.]
- [Laughs.]
Fellachio: I can't watch this.
Oh! Hey, get off ofhim! Oh, you must be Chip.
Ja, unddas ist verboten! Oh, you're German.
Hey, doyou know how to make a German cross? No.
You break his leg.
Aah! Uhh! Aah! [Laughing.]
The odds weren't fair, Notch.
Why couldn't theyjust fight me man-to-man? Lookat me, Notch.
I feel like Dusseldorf afterthe bombing.
Jamaica: Yo, Chief.
This came toyou from Fellachio.
Hey! It's a singing snapper! As seen on TV! Watch.
Watch when I squeeze it.
Fellachio on tape: Johnson, meet me on the beach tomorrow at high noon, and bring your guns.
I thought this fish was supposed to sing.
Chief, haven'tyou seen The Godfather? When the mob sends you a fish, it means theywant to snuffyou out.
Kimberlee: Notch, what areyou going to do? I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm gonna take him on! Here's what I was looking for! My assault and pepper spray! Ok, who's with me? Notch, I've strapped on manythings in my life, but never a gun.
Sorry, Chief.
I'm half-black, half-Quaker.
Don't look at me.
I'm late for my lipwaxing.
Bum: Hey, Notch, will there be food? I don't think so.
Pass.
Kimberlee, I can count on you, can't I? Notch, it's suicide.
Besides, I signed up to save lives, not shoot people.
And Chip? It's always nice to seeyou.
So, I guess tomorrow at high noon, I'll take on these no-good-niks by myself.
I'll teach them that this is myterritory.
I'm the don here.
Call me Don Johnson.
[Western Background Music Playing.]
[Bullet ChamberSpins.]
[ChamberSnaps.]
[Thinking.]
I wonderwhat time it is? I know! Mywatch! 1 1 :50.
Now, ifI only knew what "'high noon"' meant.
Fellachio: Come on, Dorothy.
But I have somewonderful decorating notions! Terra cotta tile in the bathroom, and that sofa has got to go! Oh, you think it's a little seventies? Honey, I wouldn't sit on that thing with your ass.
Uhh! [Thinking.]
I'm so hungry! Maybe I'll just take a peek so I knowwhat I'm having.
Hey! Hey! I told you towait till high noon.
That's 1 2:00.
Ooh! [ClockChiming.]
[ClockChiming.]
[Western Background Music Playing.]
[Screaming.]
Come on, Billy! Uhh! Dropyour gun, Fellachio, or prepare to eat lead! [Men Laugh.]
[Beep-Beep.]
[Thinking.]
OK, B.
J.
, this is it! Ellen said there are 2 items in my box, and I need to choose one.
Oh, now I get it! Get the kid.
Please, don't shoot me.
I'm gonna wet my Danskins.
Shut up.
Let Kody go, Fellachio.
Noway,Johnson.
Not until you turn the beach overto me.
I'm gonna count to 3.
1, 2 [Smack.]
Oh! Uhh! Oh! [Thinking.]
Should I eat the taco orthewiener? Taco? Wiener? Taco? Taco? Wiener! [Giggles.]
Mmm! B.
J.
: Cease fire! Cease fire! Hey, everyone! I have a very important announcement! I'm not European! Ok.
You can go back to whatyou were doing.
[Clicks Empty.]
Uhh! Now! Huh? Uhh! I hateviolence, but I hate those creeps more.
Jamaica: I left myQuaker halfat home! All is not quiet on theWestern front.
Welcome, compadres.
Tora tora tora! Die, icky dog! Die! Now let's go towork! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Go ahead,Johnson.
Shoot me.
Just not in the face, huh? I wouldn'twaste the bullets on you, Fellachio.
You know, this whole how doyou Italians say-- fococtomaschmuha-- reminds me ofsomething my Papa Gigio used to say to me.
He'd say, "' Notchio,"' Oh, mywife's too fat for pasta So I make her eat calzone I know that song.
So she'd slip in the lasagna and now she's all alone Everybody! Oh, mywife's too fat for pasta So I make her eat calzone She slipped in some lasagna And now she's all alone Hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Trial was held in the city of Malibu Adjacent.
Here are the results ofthat trial.
Gang leader Vincent Fellachio was charged with murder, extortion, and participating in a badly executed musical number.
4 trials have resulted in 4 mistrials, as all 48 jurors committed suicide bytying their hands behind their backs and throwing themselves from bridges.
FatTony, Overweight Sal, and MorbidlyObese Frankie were sentenced to a maximum security fat farm in Arizona.
Kody Massengil broke a window in an attempt to be sentenced to prison, but was declined.
Eva Rommel loved it here so much, she decided to stay and take a job at the Martina Navratilova Federal Correction Facility forwomen.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying, "' Ride the big one!"'
Hey, you want some garlicwith that? It's on me-- Papa Gigio.
[Laughs.]
Thereyou are.
Enjoy it.
Hey, what'll it be, fellas? I got a nice Rocky Road parmesan.
My name is Vinnie Fellachio.
These are my associates: FatTony, Overweight Sal, and Morbidly Obese Frankie.
What doyou want? I'm new in town, but I'm thinking you could use some protection.
[Laughs.]
Protection? I left NewYork to get awayfrom bums likeyou.
I'm not playing your game.
Sureyou are, Pops.
Hey, boys, show him what he's won.
H-h-hey! Aah! Getyour hands off me! No! No! Aah! Aah! Aah! Put me down! Put me down! No! [Thud.]
[Laughs.]
Announcer: Tonight's episode Announcer: Condoms wereworn during the filming of Son ofthe Beach.
- [Gasps.]
- [Gasps.]
Oh! I can't believe Papa Gigio got whacked.
Somebody offed him! But he's so old.
Who would whack him off? Why, Papa Gigio? Why did you die? E vivo core tu te vive vere.
I didn't know Notch spoke Italian.
Gradisco sedersi nei feces del cane.
Aw, Notch.
Mr.
Gigio must have meant a lot to you.
Oh, yes! He put me through lifeguard academy.
You might say he was the wind beneath my shorts.
Well, I justwish therewere more clues to help us find the killer.
Oh, we'll find him, all right.
Hey, isn't that Mark Fuhrman? B.
J.
: What's he doing here? Jamaica: Ooh! I told you the brother didn't do it! [Laughs.]
Hey, gang.
I've just been analyzing these crime scene blood samples.
They're type A.
Positive? Well, I'm not going to bet money on it, but I think so.
Whoa! Oh, darn! Who's gonna clean up this blood? [Steve Barks.]
Notch: Ha ha ha! Good boy, Steve! Ha ha ha! Don't forget the glass! [Crunches Glass.]
Guten tag, everyone.
This is my sister Eva.
She's visiting from Germany.
Hi.
Hi.
How areyou? Hey, guys, Eva was supposed to staywith me, but my place is packed with workout equipment and protein bars.
Mmm! I love protein! Can she stay with one ofyou? Don't look at me.
I'm sharing my cribwith my mama, my grandmama, my great-grandmama, and my great-great-grandmama and she pregnant! Eva, you could stay on my boat, but it's being fumigated for head lice and dung beetles.
Hey, Kimberlee, how about opening upyour spread? Well, sure! Yeah! I've got plenty ofroom.
Just me and the cats.
Doyou mean kitty cats or people named Katz? What does it matter? You're allergic to both.
Oh.
You can staywith me, but it'll be a tight fit.
Oh, I don't mind.
It sounds wunderbar.
Dankeschoen.
Hey, boss, tell me again.
Why are we here in Malibu Adjacent? Shut up and sit down.
What areyou, stupid, you moron? Where else we gonna go? We've been thrown out of NewJersey.
Yeah, but to control Malibu Adjacent, you gotta control the beaches, and to control the beaches, you gotta get past Notch Johnson.
Forget about it.
First we take care ofthe mayor.
As far as I'm concerned, this Notch Johnson is just a big pussy.
Eva: Your home is so cute! Eva: Your home is so cute! So I guess it's not onlywhite trash people who live in trailers, huh? I don't know.
I ain't lived nowheres else.
[Spits.]
Eva, I hope you don't mind, but I've really got to get to bed.
I can feel Mr.
Sandman coming.
Same here.
After all, in California it's 8:00, but in Berlin, it's 1 945.
Oh, B.
J.
?.
I have a question.
Doyou mind ifI sleep in the nude? Doesn't bother me in the least.
[Kiss.]
Mmm! I loveyou! Mm-mmm! Mmm! Well, good night.
Ahh! These sheets are so soft! Theyfeel so good against my silver dollar nipples.
B.
J.
, I'm a little cold.
Doyou mind ifI snuggle up againstyou? Um, well-- Oh, that is so good! So soft to the touch! Aah! Oh! My hand must have slipped.
[Thinking.]
I don't believe it! Eva's hand entered my girlie region.
I'll bet she's a lesbiantologist.
Women do experiment, but I've neverthought about mewith anotherwoman.
Whatwould that be like? La la la la la la La la la [Whispers.]
Touch me Let it go Let it go Try something new Try something new - Touch me - Touch me You knowyou want to You know you want to La la la La la la You know you want to Ah la la Let it go Let it go Aah! [Gasps.]
God, what's the matter, B.
J.
?.
I screamed.
Sowhat? Now, for the last time, good night.
Mayor: Tell your readers that murder will not be tolerated in mytown.
Mayor Anita Massengil always gets her Grr! Man.
Oh! The service must have sentyou.
I asked for big, but what I meant was [Gasps.]
3 ofyou! That would be a record for me, but, uh I'll give it a shot.
There'll be plenty oftime forthat later, sister.
For now, sit down and let's talk aboutyourfuture.
[Snaps.]
I've seen your picture.
You're Vinnie Fellachio, aren'tyou? Mayor, I'm here to makeyou an offer you can't say no to.
Ifyou think for one minute that I'm doing business with you hoodlums, you've got anotherthing coming.
I'm calling the police.
Commissioner Gordon, please.
You don't want to do that.
[Muffled.]
[Gasps.]
No! Not my Kody! Mother, these men burst into my room, threw me down, forced my arms behind my back, and then handcuffed me.
A little tighter, please.
Do what I say, and we'll send the kid back toyou.
[Whimpers.]
Don't do what I say, and we'll still send the kid back toyou, one piece at a time.
Capisce? Oh! [Men Laugh.]
No! No! [Chalk Breaks.]
Oh, Notch, what's wrong? It's Papa Gigio.
I remember how he used to tuck me in at night, turn offthe lights, and put me to sleep with this little song.
Oh, mywife's too fat for pasta So I make her some calzone Oh, hi, Mayor.
Oh! I've come to askyou all a big favor.
Last night, mobsters came and kidnapped Kody.
He's been kidnapped by the Vinnie Fellachio crime gang.
TheVinnie Fellachio crime gang? I bet that's who killed Papa Gigio.
I'm about to utterwords I neverthought I'd say.
Notch, will you h will you hee! Will you [Squeaks.]
help me? Say no more, Mayor.
I'm a lifeguard.
I do 2 things: promotewater safety and bring down crime families.
- [Gasps.]
- [Alarm Rings.]
[Alarm Rings.]
Guten morgen.
[Sighs.]
I slept like a little kitty cat.
How aboutyou? Thanks toyou, I didn't sleep at all.
You put the moves on me.
Really? I didn't mean to.
Itwas just a harmless little pass.
Harmless little pass? I feltyour hand on myteetsywoowoo.
So? So? That means you're lesbianific! I'm not a lesbian.
I'm European.
European? That's right.
We Europeans like all kinds ofsex.
Well, that doesn't mean I'm that way.
Or perhaps it does.
I mean, you seem so upset.
Or maybeyou are hiding something.
You guys, I am really allergic to cigar smoke.
Hearthat, boys? Tinkerbell over here, he don't like our stogies.
[Men Laugh.]
Hello? What about your diets? Shut up before I plug ya! Promise me whateveryou want, butyou will never get to Notch Johnson.
He's got this bodyguard--Chip.
He is really buff and so handsome.
Fellachio: Oh, yeah? Well, let's just say pretty boy Chip might not have his looks when we're through with him.
[Men Laugh.]
- Whoo! - Whoo! - Whoo! Whoo! - Whoo! Oh, B.
J.
Cummings! What a nice surprise.
What areyou doing on my side ofthe tracks? Nothing much, Ellen.
Whatcha doin'? Shucking clams.
I love to shuck.
But these clams aren't the onlything that smells fishy here.
What's going on, honey? It's just thatwell a beautiful woman hit on me last night, and I just started thinking, how-- How the dam has burst and all these strange, new feelings are flooding your body? Exactly! It's like I pulled myfinger out ofa dike! Ellen, can you help me? Can you help me get to the truth ofwho I am? I sure can, sweetie.
All you gotta do is eat my box lunch.
But I haven't made that commitmentyet.
No, B.
J.
Eat this.
No, not now! You have towait till tomorrow when the clock strikes high noon.
And you'll be very hungry, sowhichever item you choose to eat will tell you whether you're straight or a vegetarian.
[Quietly.]
I'm hoping.
I'm hoping.
- Whoo! - Whoo! - Whoo! - Whoo! Yo! Homeless guy.
Yeah? Looks likeyou got a nice little operation going here.
I'm comfortable.
Good foryou.
Look.
We got a little proposition foryou.
From now on, you're gonna give me half ofyour glass bottle and your begging business.
What do I get in return? You get to live.
Not much ofan upside for me.
No, thanks.
No, thanks.
Boys, he says, "' No, thanks.
"' "' No, thanks"'! - [Laughs.]
- [Laughs.]
Fellachio: I can't watch this.
Oh! Hey, get off ofhim! Oh, you must be Chip.
Ja, unddas ist verboten! Oh, you're German.
Hey, doyou know how to make a German cross? No.
You break his leg.
Aah! Uhh! Aah! [Laughing.]
The odds weren't fair, Notch.
Why couldn't theyjust fight me man-to-man? Lookat me, Notch.
I feel like Dusseldorf afterthe bombing.
Jamaica: Yo, Chief.
This came toyou from Fellachio.
Hey! It's a singing snapper! As seen on TV! Watch.
Watch when I squeeze it.
Fellachio on tape: Johnson, meet me on the beach tomorrow at high noon, and bring your guns.
I thought this fish was supposed to sing.
Chief, haven'tyou seen The Godfather? When the mob sends you a fish, it means theywant to snuffyou out.
Kimberlee: Notch, what areyou going to do? I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm gonna take him on! Here's what I was looking for! My assault and pepper spray! Ok, who's with me? Notch, I've strapped on manythings in my life, but never a gun.
Sorry, Chief.
I'm half-black, half-Quaker.
Don't look at me.
I'm late for my lipwaxing.
Bum: Hey, Notch, will there be food? I don't think so.
Pass.
Kimberlee, I can count on you, can't I? Notch, it's suicide.
Besides, I signed up to save lives, not shoot people.
And Chip? It's always nice to seeyou.
So, I guess tomorrow at high noon, I'll take on these no-good-niks by myself.
I'll teach them that this is myterritory.
I'm the don here.
Call me Don Johnson.
[Western Background Music Playing.]
[Bullet ChamberSpins.]
[ChamberSnaps.]
[Thinking.]
I wonderwhat time it is? I know! Mywatch! 1 1 :50.
Now, ifI only knew what "'high noon"' meant.
Fellachio: Come on, Dorothy.
But I have somewonderful decorating notions! Terra cotta tile in the bathroom, and that sofa has got to go! Oh, you think it's a little seventies? Honey, I wouldn't sit on that thing with your ass.
Uhh! [Thinking.]
I'm so hungry! Maybe I'll just take a peek so I knowwhat I'm having.
Hey! Hey! I told you towait till high noon.
That's 1 2:00.
Ooh! [ClockChiming.]
[ClockChiming.]
[Western Background Music Playing.]
[Screaming.]
Come on, Billy! Uhh! Dropyour gun, Fellachio, or prepare to eat lead! [Men Laugh.]
[Beep-Beep.]
[Thinking.]
OK, B.
J.
, this is it! Ellen said there are 2 items in my box, and I need to choose one.
Oh, now I get it! Get the kid.
Please, don't shoot me.
I'm gonna wet my Danskins.
Shut up.
Let Kody go, Fellachio.
Noway,Johnson.
Not until you turn the beach overto me.
I'm gonna count to 3.
1, 2 [Smack.]
Oh! Uhh! Oh! [Thinking.]
Should I eat the taco orthewiener? Taco? Wiener? Taco? Taco? Wiener! [Giggles.]
Mmm! B.
J.
: Cease fire! Cease fire! Hey, everyone! I have a very important announcement! I'm not European! Ok.
You can go back to whatyou were doing.
[Clicks Empty.]
Uhh! Now! Huh? Uhh! I hateviolence, but I hate those creeps more.
Jamaica: I left myQuaker halfat home! All is not quiet on theWestern front.
Welcome, compadres.
Tora tora tora! Die, icky dog! Die! Now let's go towork! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Go ahead,Johnson.
Shoot me.
Just not in the face, huh? I wouldn'twaste the bullets on you, Fellachio.
You know, this whole how doyou Italians say-- fococtomaschmuha-- reminds me ofsomething my Papa Gigio used to say to me.
He'd say, "' Notchio,"' Oh, mywife's too fat for pasta So I make her eat calzone I know that song.
So she'd slip in the lasagna and now she's all alone Everybody! Oh, mywife's too fat for pasta So I make her eat calzone She slipped in some lasagna And now she's all alone Hi, teens.
Notch Johnson here.
Trial was held in the city of Malibu Adjacent.
Here are the results ofthat trial.
Gang leader Vincent Fellachio was charged with murder, extortion, and participating in a badly executed musical number.
4 trials have resulted in 4 mistrials, as all 48 jurors committed suicide bytying their hands behind their backs and throwing themselves from bridges.
FatTony, Overweight Sal, and MorbidlyObese Frankie were sentenced to a maximum security fat farm in Arizona.
Kody Massengil broke a window in an attempt to be sentenced to prison, but was declined.
Eva Rommel loved it here so much, she decided to stay and take a job at the Martina Navratilova Federal Correction Facility forwomen.
So until next time, this is Notch Johnson saying, "' Ride the big one!"'