SpongeBob SquarePants s01e13 Episode Script
Pickles
SQUIDWARD: Welcome to the Krusty Krab.
My name is Squidward.
Can I take your order? Hmm, oh, I'll have a No.
Oh, maybe No.
Hmm, I'll have No.
Well, maybe Are you planning on ordering today, sir? I'll have a Krabby Patty.
How original.
And with extra onions.
Daring today, aren't we.
One Krabby Patty, extra onions.
One Crying Johnny coming up.
First bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes and bun in that order.
One Crying Johnny up! Whatever.
12 Krabby Patties on wheat buns.
( SpongeBob repeating quickly: ) Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
One dozen crying cows on the farm.
Up! Thanks, Farmer Brown.
It's been a thrill serving you.
Can I get some extra salt? We're all out.
Could you check? No.
Let me guess, Tiny-- a small salad? I take a double triple barfy deluxe on a raft.
Four-by-four, animal style.
Extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze.
Light axle grease, make it cry.
Burn it and let it swim.
We serve food here, sir.
I got it already, Squidward.
( gasping: ) Bubble Bath.
SquarePants.
I hear talk you make a mean Krabby Patty.
Yep! I hear talk you're kind of picky.
Yep! Well, then, here you go! ( stomping ) ( sniffing ) Mm.
Well, Bubble Bath, what do you think? This is pretty good.
Only one thing-- You forgot the pickles! ( all gasping ) No! The best there is? I don't think so.
You lose.
But the pickles should be right where they always are.
I know I put them on.
Where are those pickles? Pickles, pickles, pickles.
Ah! I believe you owe me two bucks.
Two bucks! Your guarantee.
Oh, that.
Well, can we talk about this? No.
How about a discount on restroom tokens? Afraid not! How about a free glass of water? A dozen free glasses of water! I'll even put ice in it.
No, come back.
Two dollars, two dollars.
No, no.
Mr.
Krabs, I know I put pickles on that Krabby Patty.
That two bucks is coming out of your paycheck.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait! Get back to work.
We got orders waiting.
I need a Krabby Patty.
Okay, I am not going to blow it this time.
Let's see.
Bun down, then ketchup, then mustard, then pickles-- No, that's not right! Bun down, mustard, then ketchup, lettuce, then the pickles-- no.
Mustard down, bun, oh, where does the patty go? Pickles, ketchup wait! Think, think, I'm losing it.
Bun down, shoe, mustard, pan, bun no! Mr.
Krabs, I am so confused.
I can't remember how to do anything.
Why don't you take the rest of the day off.
Oh, no, Mr.
Krabs.
Who will make the Krabby Patties? Oh, don't worry about that.
We got Squidward.
Huh? Mr.
Krabs is right.
I need to get my head straight.
Now is it bun, patty, ketchup.
Ah! The door, the door.
Mr.
Krabs, the front door is missing! Oh.
Ha, ha, sorry about that, Mr.
Krabs.
This pickle thing has got my head all messed up.
I better get on home and rest my brain.
Which way do I live? Of course.
Ha! Ha! No, no, was it bun, patty, bun? Let's see Tomato, pickle, bun? No.
Bun, no.
Bun? No shoe.
Oh, I am so confused.
Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get my head on straight.
Oh, was it mattress, mattress, sheets, pillow, then SpongeBob? Or Oh, think, Sponge.
Oh, yeah, it was mattress, SpongeBob, mattress, then sheets, pillow.
Good night, Gary.
Meow.
No, this isn't right.
Good night, Gary.
Meow.
Wait, this isn't right, either.
Nope.
Uh-uh.
Negative.
Come on, come on, get it right.
Wrong, wrong.
Wrong! Nope.
Naw! Negatory.
Nyet.
( rooster crowing ) ( horn blowing ) Oh, and I almost had it.
( horn continues to blow ) Alarm clock.
How do I turn this thing off? Think! Think! Think! Think! Meow.
Gary.
( horn continues ) ( muffled horn blowing ) ( choking ) ( bell rings ) Patties are done.
Hey, he burnt my Krabby Patty.
He burnt my fries.
( slurping ) He burnt my shake.
( muttering angrily ) Go back to cooking school! No, come back.
No, no.
I got to get SpongeBob back.
SpongeBob? SpongeBob! Mr.
Krabs, hello.
Do you how do? Why are you talking funny, man? I anything can't do right since because pickles.
Nonsense.
You'll be back making Krabby Patties like your old self in no time.
I think don't ready back to go to work, Mr.
Krabs.
Well, you're fine, me boy.
( crash ) Ooh, well, maybe not.
All we need to do is get your confidence back so you can make me more money.
I mean, patties.
I how do that? It's like riding a bike.
You never forget.
Uh, I'm going to help you.
If you learn to make your Krabby Patty again, your life will be back in order.
Mr.
Krabs, I don't know take your time.
No, no, no, no.
Hmm ( snoring ) I got it.
I got it! It's all very clear to me now, Mr.
Krabs.
It is? Yes, I finally realize that I can't do it.
I can't do it, Mr.
Krabs.
I'm a failure.
Don't talk like that! Don't you get it, you crustaceous cheapskate-- I can't make a double Krabby Patty with the works.
I can't put a patty on a bun with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and top bun together in that order! It's time.
Hey, SpongeBob's back.
ALL: SpongeBob! ( patrons all talking at once ) WOMAN: Look at SpongeBob! WOMAN 2: There he is.
I hear SquarePants is back.
I'm right here, Bubble Bath.
I thought I ran you out of town.
This is where I belong.
( growls ) Roar.
( gasps ) Give me the regular.
And this time, don't forget the pickles.
I didn't.
Mmm Still no pickles! See? ALL: Yuck.
You failed again, SpongeBob LoserPants.
( diabolical laugh ) Wait a minute.
Look.
He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time.
And there's the pickles from last time, too.
And there's my car keys.
And there's my ride.
( wheezing ) Three cheers for the return of our master Fry Cook, SpongeBob.
Hip-hip-- ALL: Hooray! Hip-hip-- Whoop de doo.
ALL: Hooray! Hip-hip-- Oh boy.
ALL: Hooray! And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place while I was gone-- Squidward.
Hip-hip-- ALL: Boo! Hip-hip-- ALL: Boo! SPONGEBOB: Hip-hip-- Boo! SPONGEBOB: Hip-hip Boo! You stink!
My name is Squidward.
Can I take your order? Hmm, oh, I'll have a No.
Oh, maybe No.
Hmm, I'll have No.
Well, maybe Are you planning on ordering today, sir? I'll have a Krabby Patty.
How original.
And with extra onions.
Daring today, aren't we.
One Krabby Patty, extra onions.
One Crying Johnny coming up.
First bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes and bun in that order.
One Crying Johnny up! Whatever.
12 Krabby Patties on wheat buns.
( SpongeBob repeating quickly: ) Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
Bun, Krabby Patty, bun.
One dozen crying cows on the farm.
Up! Thanks, Farmer Brown.
It's been a thrill serving you.
Can I get some extra salt? We're all out.
Could you check? No.
Let me guess, Tiny-- a small salad? I take a double triple barfy deluxe on a raft.
Four-by-four, animal style.
Extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze.
Light axle grease, make it cry.
Burn it and let it swim.
We serve food here, sir.
I got it already, Squidward.
( gasping: ) Bubble Bath.
SquarePants.
I hear talk you make a mean Krabby Patty.
Yep! I hear talk you're kind of picky.
Yep! Well, then, here you go! ( stomping ) ( sniffing ) Mm.
Well, Bubble Bath, what do you think? This is pretty good.
Only one thing-- You forgot the pickles! ( all gasping ) No! The best there is? I don't think so.
You lose.
But the pickles should be right where they always are.
I know I put them on.
Where are those pickles? Pickles, pickles, pickles.
Ah! I believe you owe me two bucks.
Two bucks! Your guarantee.
Oh, that.
Well, can we talk about this? No.
How about a discount on restroom tokens? Afraid not! How about a free glass of water? A dozen free glasses of water! I'll even put ice in it.
No, come back.
Two dollars, two dollars.
No, no.
Mr.
Krabs, I know I put pickles on that Krabby Patty.
That two bucks is coming out of your paycheck.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait! Get back to work.
We got orders waiting.
I need a Krabby Patty.
Okay, I am not going to blow it this time.
Let's see.
Bun down, then ketchup, then mustard, then pickles-- No, that's not right! Bun down, mustard, then ketchup, lettuce, then the pickles-- no.
Mustard down, bun, oh, where does the patty go? Pickles, ketchup wait! Think, think, I'm losing it.
Bun down, shoe, mustard, pan, bun no! Mr.
Krabs, I am so confused.
I can't remember how to do anything.
Why don't you take the rest of the day off.
Oh, no, Mr.
Krabs.
Who will make the Krabby Patties? Oh, don't worry about that.
We got Squidward.
Huh? Mr.
Krabs is right.
I need to get my head straight.
Now is it bun, patty, ketchup.
Ah! The door, the door.
Mr.
Krabs, the front door is missing! Oh.
Ha, ha, sorry about that, Mr.
Krabs.
This pickle thing has got my head all messed up.
I better get on home and rest my brain.
Which way do I live? Of course.
Ha! Ha! No, no, was it bun, patty, bun? Let's see Tomato, pickle, bun? No.
Bun, no.
Bun? No shoe.
Oh, I am so confused.
Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get my head on straight.
Oh, was it mattress, mattress, sheets, pillow, then SpongeBob? Or Oh, think, Sponge.
Oh, yeah, it was mattress, SpongeBob, mattress, then sheets, pillow.
Good night, Gary.
Meow.
No, this isn't right.
Good night, Gary.
Meow.
Wait, this isn't right, either.
Nope.
Uh-uh.
Negative.
Come on, come on, get it right.
Wrong, wrong.
Wrong! Nope.
Naw! Negatory.
Nyet.
( rooster crowing ) ( horn blowing ) Oh, and I almost had it.
( horn continues to blow ) Alarm clock.
How do I turn this thing off? Think! Think! Think! Think! Meow.
Gary.
( horn continues ) ( muffled horn blowing ) ( choking ) ( bell rings ) Patties are done.
Hey, he burnt my Krabby Patty.
He burnt my fries.
( slurping ) He burnt my shake.
( muttering angrily ) Go back to cooking school! No, come back.
No, no.
I got to get SpongeBob back.
SpongeBob? SpongeBob! Mr.
Krabs, hello.
Do you how do? Why are you talking funny, man? I anything can't do right since because pickles.
Nonsense.
You'll be back making Krabby Patties like your old self in no time.
I think don't ready back to go to work, Mr.
Krabs.
Well, you're fine, me boy.
( crash ) Ooh, well, maybe not.
All we need to do is get your confidence back so you can make me more money.
I mean, patties.
I how do that? It's like riding a bike.
You never forget.
Uh, I'm going to help you.
If you learn to make your Krabby Patty again, your life will be back in order.
Mr.
Krabs, I don't know take your time.
No, no, no, no.
Hmm ( snoring ) I got it.
I got it! It's all very clear to me now, Mr.
Krabs.
It is? Yes, I finally realize that I can't do it.
I can't do it, Mr.
Krabs.
I'm a failure.
Don't talk like that! Don't you get it, you crustaceous cheapskate-- I can't make a double Krabby Patty with the works.
I can't put a patty on a bun with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and top bun together in that order! It's time.
Hey, SpongeBob's back.
ALL: SpongeBob! ( patrons all talking at once ) WOMAN: Look at SpongeBob! WOMAN 2: There he is.
I hear SquarePants is back.
I'm right here, Bubble Bath.
I thought I ran you out of town.
This is where I belong.
( growls ) Roar.
( gasps ) Give me the regular.
And this time, don't forget the pickles.
I didn't.
Mmm Still no pickles! See? ALL: Yuck.
You failed again, SpongeBob LoserPants.
( diabolical laugh ) Wait a minute.
Look.
He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time.
And there's the pickles from last time, too.
And there's my car keys.
And there's my ride.
( wheezing ) Three cheers for the return of our master Fry Cook, SpongeBob.
Hip-hip-- ALL: Hooray! Hip-hip-- Whoop de doo.
ALL: Hooray! Hip-hip-- Oh boy.
ALL: Hooray! And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place while I was gone-- Squidward.
Hip-hip-- ALL: Boo! Hip-hip-- ALL: Boo! SPONGEBOB: Hip-hip-- Boo! SPONGEBOB: Hip-hip Boo! You stink!