Spun Out (2014) s01e13 Episode Script

This is not a Harvey Wallbanger.
Here, let me write down the recipe for you so you never forget.
Oh, okay, okay.
You know, I must've forgot because I'm not a swinger from the seventies.
Just keep it, all right? Why are you harassing the bartender? Because.
It's a thing I do.
When my husband nags me, I take it out on the service industry.
Oh, so that's why you made those baristas cry this morning.
Oh my God! The mayor is trending on Twitter.
You don't even want to know what the hashtag is.
I have to show this to my dad.
Okay, how do I know if a girl likes me? She doesn't.
If I like a guy, I let him buy me breakfast.
But other girls have different rules.
Okay, if she likes you, she'll punch you when she says goodbye.
If she like-likes you, she'll tug on your shirt sleeve.
What? You're not talking about Stephanie, are you? Bad idea! No! You should go for it! Stephanie is amazing! And it'll finally get you out of the house so I can stop telling guys that you're my brother.
All I'm saying is: Don't crap where you work.
Speaking of crapping where you work, the mayor was just caught taking a dump in a pothole.
The election's over.
Why is he still campaigning? He got sick and tired of City Council telling him to do something about potholes, so he finally did.
At rush hour, while shouting, "This is gonna take a while!" Well, I guess he was just doing his civic doody.
Ha! Ha! Ha! Nice.
Well, he will be attending our charity casino night.
Whoever lands him as a client will get a $5,000 bonus.
That bonus is mine.
See you guys tomorrow night.
Punch and tug? What does that mean? That is uncharted territory.
Or the worst massage parlor ever.
Bryce, any sign of the mayor? Not yet, sir.
Perhaps he passed an irresistible pothole on the way over.
Oh, this must be him! Announcing the arrival of His Excellency, the Honourable random employee plus well-dressed hanger-on.
Thank you! - So, how glamorous is this? - I know! I think you should tell Stephanie how you feel tonight.
No, you know what? Nelson's right.
It's too complicated.
I'm just going to forget the whole thing.
- Change your mind? - Y'uh-huh.
- You guys look great! - You look amazing.
Thank you.
Hard to believe it's the same girl that had spinach in her teeth all day yesterday.
Ah, sweetheart, you could have an entire salad hanging from your teeth and you'd still look beautiful.
Thanks, dad.
- Hey.
- Hi.
You look Your dress - Duh! - Ow! Why'd you do that? - I don't know.
I thought I saw a spider.
- What?! What? I have shiny shoes! - What was that? - I froze! She didn't have any sleeves.
My whole plan hinged on sleeves! Bryce, would you call the mayor? He should be here by now.
Already on it, sir.
Yello! Mayor Johnson speaking.
Oh! What are you wearing? Speak slowly.
Mr.
Mayor, you're here! Yep.
Landed on the roof in my helicopter.
Thank you, taxpayers! Oh, this must be that lovely daughter of yours I've been hearing so much about! No, sir.
I'm his executive assistant, Bryce.
Also, I'm a man.
Woops! Your head looks like a boobie.
Hey, guys! They've auto-tuned the mayor's video.
That's my jam! Send me that link, sweetie! I'll send you the link, but remember, if you sign with our firm, it's because of me.
Oh yes! We sure will remember that, Bryce McBradden.
And now, if we could discuss representation.
Mr.
Mayor Uh, uh, uh.
- Gordon! Lookin' good, buddy.
- I know.
I have a mirror! Hey, hey! G, avoid this game.
It hates people.
Doesn't hate me.
I have a system.
I take the weight of the ball and I divide it by the thread count of the spinner guy's beard and then I pick my lucky number Red 7! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
- Who cares about Beardy's beard? - I have a name.
Red 7, winner! - Thank you, Red Seven! - Gordon, that's amazing! All right, let's go again! Hard spin! Red 23! Come on, Kitty needs a new kidney! Yeah, I'm putting all my money on Red 23.
Ooh! Black 19! Kitty gets a pine box! - This is not my day.
- Not Kitty's either.
Ha! Hey, you.
Sorry for punching you earlier, but you didn't have any sleeves.
- What? - Nothing.
Nothing.
I've always thought anything you truly want is worth fighting for so tonight, I'm just gonna go for it.
Beckett, I think I know what you're getting at.
You do? And you can dream on, buddy, because it is never gonna happen! Okay? You may think you have a chance, but we're not even in the same league.
I thought that would have been obvious by now.
I thought the worst she could say was "No.
" Mr.
Mayor, may I show you to our VIP room.
This place sucks! Let's trash it.
Or we could just play Blackjack.
You remember Bryce? Oh, your boobie's been on my mind all night.
And on that note, place your bets.
Sure! Can you spot me some chips? Of course, why not? I mean, it's all for a good cause, assuming you lose.
- I'm going all in! - Oh, my God - Seventeen.
- Hit me.
- Are you sure? - Hit me or I'll hit you.
Boobie said bust.
Hit me.
It's all right, Bryce.
Bryce, I've got him covered.
Hit him.
- 35.
- Yay! I won! Oh! I guess I guess you did at that, huh? Now if we could just discuss representation because I Shh! Go play the slots.
You're coolin' the table, honey.
- So? - Crapped out before I even got the chance.
What?! So you didn't tell her how you feel? I tried! You weren't there.
It was carnage! Lost a lot of good men that day.
You have to take advantage of tonight.
Look at you.
You're wearing a tux.
You will never look this good again.
What can I get you? Something to take my mind off my marriage.
- Someone set your car on fire.
- What?! You're welcome! Just give me a scotch! I need to get white-girl wasted.
Look, I don't want anyone else to know about my problems, okay? You can tell me anything, Nelson.
This clearly falls under bartender-client privilege.
He made me choose.
He said: my career or my marriage.
I told him: No ultimatums or I'm leaving! I don't know much about relationships, Nelson, but nobody on their deathbed ever said they wished they worked more.
Most of them must said, "My God, there's nothing! There's absolutely nothing!" Hey, good news! My video just got its one millionth hit! This is gonna take a while This is gonna take a while Uh, Mr.
Mayor? - Can we speak? - Sure.
Are we friends? You know what? I have to at least tell her how I feel.
- Yes.
Yes! - Okay.
Whoo! It's a stripper, everybody! Show me what you've got! Nope, I'm an actual cop.
I'm still curious.
Whoa, the heat! I gotta burn some files, destroy some evidence and log out of MySpace! Don't judge me.
Stephanie, I need to talk to you.
Beckett, get over it! It's not gonna happen! Okay.
Good evening, officer.
My name is Dave Lyons.
Welcome to my casino.
Oh, thank you.
You're under arrest for operating a casino without a permit.
What?! No, no, I'm sorry, there must be some sort of misunderstanding.
Nelson, will you please show this man our permit? Yeah.
- I would, but I don't have it.
- What? Well, until I see a permit, this casino is illegal and nobody leaves.
Hey Dave, it's been a rough night.
Can I just go home? No! In fact, nobody can.
I need you to guard the elevator to make sure nobody leaves the building.
And Nelson, I need you to find that permit before this officer is arresting me for murder.
- Okay.
- Go! - Now - So, uh, you work on tips, right? Really not a stripper.
- Oh - I don't have the abs for it.
Until I see that permit, I'm gonna need you to stay right here, where I can see you.
What the hell did you think I was gonna bump my head on?! Sorry, it's habit.
Dad, the mayor's gone missing.
And yes, I checked the potholes outside.
Sweetheart, I'm just a little bit busy right now.
- What happened? - Well Oh no, sir.
Is this about the offshore accounts NO, NO! Nothing like that.
No.
Local affair, local police.
Nothing Don't worry, sir.
If they send you to prison, I'll go with you! We'll wait until it rains and then we'll dig.
The ground's softer then.
Great, if they throw me in the Shawshank, that'll be lovely.
Look, sweetheart, obviously I'm not gonna get the $5000 bonus, so why don't you get out there and keep it in the family? Oh yeah, I got this.
I'm in it to spin it! - Ooh, that's good! - Bryce, find the mayor.
Yes, sir.
Officer, you are aware that all the proceeds go to charity, right? Oh yeah? What charity? The needy? Mr.
Mayor, you don't need to hide.
- The police are not here for you.
- Of course they're not! There's no video.
Not anymore.
So, would you care to join me in Mr.
Lyons office? I want to do a bit more wagering.
But I don't want to play for money.
I want to play for that.
- You mean my - Oh yeah, that's right.
You got a real pretty fanny pack.
I'll tell you what.
If you win, the fanny pack is yours.
But if I win, you tell Dave that Bryce McBradden brought your business to the company.
Deal? - Deal! - Name your game! Blackjack, Texas Hold Em, Five Card Stud? One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war! Here, try this.
The mayor taught me how to make it.
- It's a Stuffed Ballot Box.
- Hm.
What's in it? It's 2 shots of rum, then you wipe your fingerprints off the glass so it can't be traced back to you.
Gordon, tell me I gave you the casino permit to file.
Why would you give me the permit to file? You seem smarter than that.
Great, that means I lost it! Wow! You lost the permit and your husband - in the same day? - What?! I'll explain while we look for the permit.
Hey! What happened to bartender-client privilege? Oh, that's not real.
You know, doing time really forces you to reevaluate your life.
You're not doing time.
You're drinking scotch.
Yeah, by the way, I really appreciate you letting me do that.
Actually, I asked you to stop several times.
Oh, come on! I'm sorry, it's just I'm worried about my daughter.
I don't think she's prepared for that train wreck out there.
I don't know, I think she got a pretty good head on her shoulders and I've got a keen eye.
- Where did you get that?! - Hmm? Sorry.
You know, Jasper, I like you.
You're a good kid.
Even if you did send me up the river.
You're sitting in a chair that costs more than my car Where did you get that?! Mr.
Mayor? Mr.
Mayor, what are you doing? I just had one of every appetizer at the same time! The same time! Look, you're in a lot of trouble right now, and we'd like you at our firm.
Listen, listen, why don't you come back to my chopper and I'll show you how firm I am.
Mr.
Mayor, would you please stop with the innuendo? I'd like to be in your end-o! Seriously? You're hitting on me right now? You're the number one man in the city and you were caught on camera doing number two! Hey, everybody poops.
Instead of standing there with that smug smile, you should be begging me to get you off! - I'm begging you.
Get me off! - No! Hey, no! Right in the constituents! - What are you doing? - Guarding the elevator.
- Oh! From what? - I don't know.
It made a lot more sense a few drinks ago.
How 'bout you? Well I kicked the mayor in the balls.
- That's one way to cast your vote.
- Yeah.
I know I said you didn't have a chance with the mayor, but now, thanks to me, nobody does.
Wait, when you said I didn't have a chance, you were talking about with the mayor? Yeah.
Who else would I be talking about? Nobody.
You know, I got kicked in the balls once.
Ah, you're just saying that to make me feel better.
No.
No, no, it's true.
You remember these things.
It was 3rd grade.
Her name was Sarah Miller.
- Ah! I had the hugest - Boner? What?! No.
- I was 8, you perv! - Yeah.
Pff! - I had the hugest crush.
- Right.
It had just snowed, so I thought that I would show my affection by packing snow down the back of her shirt.
Went in for what I thought would be a kiss.
Instead, I got a kick.
Right in my little bean purse.
Why didn't you just say "I like you"? It's not that simple.
I mean, we had to see each other every day at work Uh, work? Wh School.
And then, after that, I never got the chance.
How come? - She was arrested immediately for arson.
- What?! Yeah, she was a nasty girl who got a sex change and grew up to be Gary Busey.
Or so I think.
I don't know.
Oh, it's a great story, Beckett.
Thank you.
Listen, Stephanie, there's something I want to tell you Stephanie, you're needed in your father's office immediately.
Yup.
Well, there comes a day in every girl's life where she's got to tell her daddy she kicked the mayor in the nards.
Beckett, Nelson really needs you.
I have to guard the elevator.
Take my post? - Is there any champagne left? - Yeah, half bottle.
Okay.
Hey.
What's going on? Um, my marriage is over.
What?! I'm so sorry, man.
How's Graham taking it? No, um, he left me.
That's not what you told me.
- Shut up, Gordon.
- Okay.
I I shoulda told you, I know.
But I just kept thinking that he'd come back and kinda spare me the embarrassment.
You know, it's funny, um, I miss him, but I kinda miss the things about him more.
You know, like, uh, he always knew what puff went with what tie, even without looking in my closet.
Or, uh how he always knew how to make a perfect Harvey Wallbanger.
- Ah, son of a bitch! - No, it's good, let it out, let it out.
No, no! It's the permit, Beckett.
I wrote the recipe for the Harvey Wallbanger down on it at Manion's! Permit now.
Graham later.
Okay.
That's so sad! He's got to go all the way to Manion's and I know how to make a Harvey Wallbanger! So, let me get this straight.
You were showing this young woman how delicious the hors d'oeuvres were when she "drop-kicked your majestic marbles"? Honourable majestic marbles.
That is not true! He grabbed me! Ma'am, you'll get your chance.
Yeah, but you lost your chance with me, Miss Thing! Hey, boss! I found the permit.
It was my fault.
My marriage is falling apart and my head's been kinda elsewhere.
- Ah well, don't give it a second thought.
- So you forgive me? No, your marriage.
Don't give your marriage a second thought.
Thanks, Chief.
Hey, have we landed you as a client yet? Nelson, you're on kinda thin ice right now.
Why don't you wade your way back to shore? So I've decided to go with your firm, as long as you fire your daughter.
It's okay, dad, I understand.
- Business is business.
- Stephanie, stay right where you are.
And you, get the hell out of my building! And you might want to take the elevator down because your helicopter has been towed by my much larger helicopter.
You can't do that! I'm the mayor! Yeah? Well I'm Dave Lyons.
Oh, and Officer, here are your cuffs.
- How'd you do that? - I can dislocate my thumbs.
I'll show you out.
And this is not a shoulder pack, you philistine! Oh, ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you a couple more questions.
Wow.
If you really are a stripper, now would be a good time to yell, "Hit it!" Oh, I Just kidding.
I'm not a stripper.
Oh! Right.
So, as soon as she walks out of that door, you're going to do it, right? It's all about the timing, and the timing is finally right.
War.
One, two, three, bam! King o' Hearts! If that's not a sign What am I waiting for? I'm goin' in.
You don't need my permission.
But you've got it.
All you wanted was to ask me for coffee? I thought I was gonna get arrested or something.
I know, that was the fun part.
And legally you had to stay.
All right, guys.
I'm gonna go for coffee with Jasper.
- Have a good night.
- Good night, sweetheart.
Oh, Beckett.
In the elevator, you wanted to tell me something? Yeah.
Um You look beautiful.
Thank you.
She tugged my sleeve! Did you see that?! - I saw! - Who's the man? You're the man! Things were much simpler on the inside.
So you think it meant something? The tug? Beckett, when you and I were dating, we were like here.
You know, no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get to here.
But when I see you with Stephanie, you guys are past here and you're like way up there! Seriously, one day she is going to come knocking at that door and she Really? Right in the middle of an awesome story.
Hey, uh, is it all right if I move in for a little while? I can't cook or clean, but um, I look great in my underwear.
You guys are the best! The rest of the suits are on their way.
- To best friends.
- They're the only kind of friends to have.
Hell yeah! Ah! Okay, we have some ground rules.
Nobody on their death bed ever said they wished they worked more.
Most of them just said "Gordon plug that back in!" - You're okay.
- I'm all right.
- My work is very important to me.
- I'm not ready.
No, you're not.