The Barbarian and the Troll (2021) s01e13 Episode Script

Previously, on "The Barbarian
and the Troll"
- Kendar?
- Your majesty.
I will track down
that barbarian.
- Skelly, you don't have
the guts.
- Never mind the smell.
- No, Kendar. No!
Don't do this!
No, no, Brendar!
- I've got two left feet,
and I'm missing a toe.
- I can step on Alvin's tail
for you.
- Her tail?
- It's her most sensitive spot.
- I can't feel bad
'cause it's just too good ♪
- We found Alvin the Demon.
- You think?
- Even I figured that out.
- I am Alvin the Demon.
And now,
I'm going to end you all.
- Wait a minute.
We spent all this time
looking for Alvin,
and she was hiding
in plain sight
as Queen Shimmereen?
- Yes, I thought that was
pretty clear in my song.
- Okay, you are Alvin the Demon
and also Queen Shimmereen?
- Yes.
- Okay, but your wings
grew out and--
- Evan, she was right
in front of us the whole time.
- I was dying to go,
"Surprise! Alvin here,"
just to see
your scared little face.
- Now you see it.
Do I look scared?
- You look like you're about
to beg for your life.
Just like your mother.
-
- Let's have
a little instant replay.
- Please.
- Mom?
- Take me.
Please, don't harm my children.
Please.
- Oh-ho, oh-ho.
- Do you want me
to replay it in slow motion?
It's hilarious.
She sounds
like a sleepy walrus.
- You're going down!
Literally!
- Okay, good news.
Alvin broke her fall.
Bad news, she seemed
really mad about it.
Last one downstairs
is an butt.
- A troll burned
his bridge ♪
A warrior lost her crown ♪
I'm not being poetic ♪
That's literally
what went down ♪
Together their journey
has begun ♪
Combining might and melody ♪
To quest and smite a demon ♪
And find their true family ♪
Yeah ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
- Come on!
- Okay.
Battle's on.
Who brought snacks?
- Typical Brendar, getting mad
and smashing stuff.
- Brendar, give this low level
devil the Axe.
-
- Too slow.
Oh.
Missed me.
- Unbelievable.
I flirted with Queen Shimmereen
at last year's
falconry festival.
- Dad, I think that's something
you're gonna want to
keep to yourself.
- How long is this
going to take?
I have to go buy a tombstone
for your grave.
- Why else would you buy
a tombstone?
- One chop
and you're done demon.
- Time for us
to bury the hatchet.
- Get your drippins' off of me.
- Ah-ha!
- That is stone cold.
- She can't defeat Alvin
without Axe.
- Here we go, Barbarian.
Just you and me.
- Bring it on,
you hideous hellion.
- Ooh, sparks are flying.
- Oh!
- Ahh.
- Alvin moves in
with the claws!
Swipety, swipety and a scratch.
Ooh, she got a hit.
She got a hit.
That is a so-solid.
So.
- Go, Brendar!
- Go, Alvin!
- What the?
- Hey, Barbarian.
-
- Hang in there.
- I hate to be the queen
of obvious,
but you seem a little tied up.
- Oh, that's lame.
Hey, how am I doin'?
- Uh, great.
-
- You really got her
on the ropes.
- Yep.
- I-I got a plan.
It's all under control!
- I lied.
She's in a real pickle.
- Bad news, Barbarian.
I'm gonna have to let you go.
- Lazy barbarian.
Lying down on the job.
You see what I did there?
- You leave my friend alone!
Ahh!
- Wow, he's a real go-getter.
- He's gonna go get her killed!
- Swing!
I now realize
this is a poorly hatched plan.
Ahh!
- Okay, we need a plan.
We can't just go rushing
into things like Evan.
- Love you, Pops.
- Wha--that is the exact
opposite of what I just said!
- Hey, demon!
Hey, hey, hey!
Up high, down low, too slow.
- Stacey, the tail!
- I've got the tail
if you've got the Axe!
Whoa!
Ow.
- That's it!
Time to transmogrophy.
Oh, drumsticks!
- Go lay an egg, wizard.
- Come on!
- I'm hacked off.
- Yeah, buddy.
- Missed me, Barbarian.
- I wouldn't be
so sure of that.
- Call it. Heads or tails?
- Tails.
- No, no!
Defeated?
By a lowly baba
ba
Barbarian.
- Po-tae-to, po-ta-to.
Yay!
- She did it!
-
- Oh, we're so glad
you're okay.
- Holy smokes, Sharon,
you're so brave!
- I know.
- Brendar, it's done.
- We defeated the demon Alvin.
- Yeah, we did!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo!
So now what?
- We practice
signing our autographs.
- No, no, no.
I mean, this whole time
we've been on a quest
to defeat the demon Alvin
so now that it's done,
what do we do?
- Do you think we'll even
have stuff to talk about?
- Huh.
- Um.
- Hm. What kind of dark magic
is this?
- The kind that breaks
an awkward silence.
- Mom?
- Hello, Brendar.
- Greek god Mory and ghosts,
it's her mom, Glendar.
- Every name
in their family rhymes?
- I'm proud of how strong
you are.
- Mom, I missed you so much.
- I missed you too.
There's something
you need to know.
- Oh, we already know.
Ghosts are real.
- No, wizard.
What I wanted to say was
I was queen when Alvin
wanted to steal the crown.
That's why we fled
to the farmlands for safety.
But now that Alvin is gone,
you are the rightful queen.
- What are you talking about?
- Once the royal monarchs
of the four realms
give their blessing,
you will take your place
as the next queen of Gothmoria.
Rule with kindness,
and you will always be loved.
Oh, and tell your brother
to get some counseling.
And remember,
I'm always with you.
- This is too weird.
I'm a barbarian not a queen.
- Also weird,
your mom dropping in
from the great beyond.
We're just gonna
gloss over that?
- Hey, Brendar.
I think the people of Gothmoria
will feel so safe and protected
with a barbarian warrior
for a queen.
- Maybe this is
your next great quest.
- Barbarian queen, huh?
It has a nice ring to it.
- Long live Queen Brendar!
- Yay!
- Long live Brendar!
- Whoo-hoo!
-
- Oh, gross.
I stepped in a puddle of Alvin.
- Pay attention now.
There are five
neighboring kingdoms
that make up the great realm.
Nordronica, Swamporia,
Upper and Lower Krelm,
and of course Gothmoria.
- Hmm, I hope there isn't
a geography quiz.
- Me neither.
I was never very good at math.
- Now, the leaders of each land
are coming to visit the castle
to officially acknowledge
you as queen.
- Mm! You have to get
their approve--
- We'll serve the monarchs
a meal
between lunch and supper.
- Oh, I call that sunch.
- Why not lupper?
- Mm.
- No, that sounds like
a kind of fish.
- Yeah.
- You have to impress
the royals
or else you'll never be queen.
It's important
to look the part.
A queen's clothes must be
as glamorous as her crown,
so we had a dress made.
- Ow, check it out!
I sewed it myself using
the most exquisite silks
from land's end and afar!
- It doesn't look like
anything I'd wear.
-
It's just until they agree
that you're the best queen.
- Yeah, and then, Brendar,
you can improve the life
of every citizen in Gothmoria.
- Yeah, don't worry, Brendar.
We'll help you.
I can razzle dazzle them
with my magic.
- Yeah,
and I'll sing some songs.
This coronation
will be a celebration.
- No, no, no. This meal is
an invite-only deal.
No commoners allowed.
- Who are you calling common?
- Well, that's okay, Brendar.
We'll sit this one out
so you sit on the throne.
It's not biggie.
- Fine.
I'll play your coronation game.
But not without
my quest friends.
- But the rules!
- They're not even royal.
- They are now.
May I present Horus,
my most trusted vizier
and royal wizard.
- AKA chief of staff.
Poof!
- And Evan will be
our illustrious court bard.
- Poof!
- No one will bard
as hard as I.
- Oh, oh, what about me?
- You will be the queen's
royal scepter.
- Ooh, bow down to me,
regular scepters.
- And Stacey will now be
the official state bird
of Gothmoria.
- Poof!
- Cool. I got a face for flags.
- And this dress
- Whoa!
- Hmm.
Huh, that's more like it.
- I worked really hard
on this dress.
Whatev.
- You're just changing
everything.
- Yes, I wanna be a queen
for all the people.
- Here, here.
- There, there.
- What, what?
- I'm going to use this sunch
to show the other royals
how we can all do
a better job of ruling.
- And they're gonna love it.
- Yeah.
And I want the tavern to cater.
Kyle will make a cake
as big as a snogre's foot.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Huzzah!
Ultimate celebration!
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
"Lon glive nardbar"?
- Oh, Dad.
We really gotta work
on your spelling.
- Well, you get the idea.
Ahoy paloy,
I'd like to welcome
our honored guests.
The King of Nordronica.
- My pelt
is absolutely famished.
- The Grand Duchess
of the Upper Krelm.
- Hello.
- I would give my left wing
to make a nest
out of that hideous hair.
- The Queen of Swamporia.
- It's lovely to be here
among so many available men.
- Hey, I'm missing a toe.
- Tell me more.
- And the Duke of--
Where's the Duke
of the Lower Krelm?
- I guess he stood us up.
- Rude.
- As you all know,
I'm new to this royal thing.
- Well, that explains whatever
that is you're wearing.
- Well, because I wanted
to do things differently.
- Ooh, tell them
about the changes
you wanna make as queen.
- Yeah, I--
- Changes? Did that repulsive
apple tree frog say "changes"?
- Preposterous.
- Nonsense.
- Pish posh.
- Squish squash.
- I-I am a troll,
your duchessness.
A-and Brendar's got a lot
of big ideas for Gothmoria.
- Once we crown Brendar queen,
those silly feelings of change
will pass,
unlike my raging case of gout.
- Oh, a shoutout for gout!
- But I don't want it to pass.
I wanna make Gothmoria
a better place to live.
- What? By putting an owl
on your flag?
- Hey, that owl is me.
- Well, I wanna be a leader for
everyone whether they're human,
owl, troll, or weapon.
- Now that's a proclamation!
Hm!
- She sounds just like
the Duke of Lower Krelm.
- True.
He treats his people with
a disgusting amount of dignity.
- Um, where is the Duke
of Lower Krelm anyway?
- Oh, he couldn't attend.
- Apparently, his kingdom is
being invaded
by an evil warlock.
- An evil warlock?
- Invaded?
We have to help them.
Come on, gang.
Let's go block a warlock!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
No thanks.
- We are in the middle of an
important coronation decision.
- Just leave those pointless
quests to the barbarians.
- Unless, you don't want
to be a queen.
- Um, hey, Brendar,
whatever you decide,
we'll all with you.
- Hm.
- And I've decided
I'm with you, wizard.
- Ooh, hm.
- Totes inapprotes.
- She'll never be my stepmom.
- And then the fish says
to the mermaid
- "You're not half bad."
- Big news, everybody.
A warlock has invaded
Lower Krelm.
- Boring.
- Yeah, we already heard.
- Well, then, what are you
waiting for?
Remember, Brendar?
When respect is lacking,
my Axe starts hacking.
- Huh.
- You're a barbarian queen now.
- Not yet she isn't.
- And if a certain barbarian
wants to become queen,
she'll have to wait until after
our scalding hot tea is served.
- So is this what it means
to be royal?
Just sitting around
and sunching
and not doing anything
when there's trouble nearby?
- That and raising taxes.
- I can't leave until these
royals pronounce me queen.
- Evil warlocks are dangerous.
They have war
right in their name.
- You know, Gothmoria
needs a leader.
- Uh, yeah, I know.
- Take it from a guy who was
locked in a demon cave
for 11 years.
You guys seem
pretty trapped right now.
- So will the dawn of a new day
in Gothmoria
have to wait, Brendar?
- I-I--
- Anyways, I've gotta run.
I have my own quest to go on.
- Oh, I like quests.
- Sorry, Axe.
It's an inner quest
to find my personality.
- Huh.
- Goodbye.
- I wonder what kind
of personality he'll get.
- Hear ye, hear ye.
-
- It's time for Brendar's
official coronation as queen.
Get ready for a whole new life
as royalty, Brendar.
- Wait, I--
- Wha?
- Welcome, Queen Brendar,
to your coronation.
You can drop the barbarian
and embrace your new station.
New queen in the house ♪
This will be interesting ♪
- Yes, quite, quite.
Dance rehearsal each morning
and a ball every night.
- If someone says
you're not cute,
you can burn
down their cottage.
- Smash your minstrel's loot.
- You can spit in his porridge.
New queen in the house ♪
This will be ♪
- Interesting.
-
- Interesting.
You'll quickly catch on.
Plenty of peasants to present
you with gifts as you long.
- And they'll say
you smell lovely
even if you've not bathed.
You'll just dance
- Primp and prance.
- While they grovel and wave.
- You'll behead them at will.
Which one, it's a science.
Welcome Queen Brendar
of Gothmoria
to the official royal alliance!
Do-do-do-do-do, do-do ♪
- Where'd she go?
- The crown is gone.
- Where's that man
in the nightgown?
- Well, if you peeps didn't
fill up on sunch,
I've serving an oversized
coronation cake.
Here's my knife.
- Oh, what?
- Surprise!
I shall finally
exact my revenge.
Wait, where is Queen Brendar?
- Lookie there,
it's a cake jester.
- What?
- I don't remember adding bones
to my recipe.
- We should take our scorching
hot tea
and throw it on him for fun.
Splash!
-
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
Oh, that burns!
- What fun.
- Ow!
Hot, hot, hot!
Ah! Ah!
- We did it.
We got outta there.
- One more minute,
I would've been engaged.
- One more second
at that dinner party
probably would've killed me.
- Okay, well,
I guess we can all agree.
We are not royals.
- For sure. I'm not meant
to live life in a gilded cage.
- No, we're meant to
battle bad guys
and help Gothmoria.
- Exactly.
A barbarian can make changes
for the people way better
than some stuffy royal.
- Right, and I'm not
some hoity-toity court bard.
I'm a rugged adventurer
who likes to write
peppy songs about his quests.
- Then what do you say we do
the job we were all made for.
Let's quest to Lower Krelm
and save them
from the evil warlock.
Yeah!
- I've got some new spells.
Let's go.
- Let's fly!
- Oh, hey, but Brendar, um,
who stayed behind to do
all the queen stuff?
- Don't worry.
I took care of it.
- Sharon, this box
came for you.
Mystery pack-age!
- "Rule with kindness or I'll
come back and kick your butt.
From B the B."
- Huh?
♪
- Kev-Kev, my dream
has come true.
- Oh, my liege,
that's awesome!
My liege.
- It fits perfectly.
♪
- Yeah.
- Faster, Kev-Kev.
- Yes.
- Faster.
- Yeah.
- Too much. That's too cold.
I'm chilly.
- My bad.
- Good choice.
She'll make a decent queen.
- I'll keep an eye on her.
- Oh, phew.
- Shake your tail feather.
Let's go!
- That warlock's not gonna
kick his own butt.
- Let's get choppin'.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, looks like you're gonna
be writing a bunch
of new quest songs.
- Yeah, it looks like
you're gonna be busy tearing
apart a lot of new enemies
with your bare hands.
- You sure you're up for it?
- Well, on the inside,
I'm totally terrified
and super scared of dying.
- That's good.
It keeps you sharp.
- Yeah, but on the outside,
I'm really into it
and very excited to go with you
on a brand new quest.
- I just wanna say
I'm really glad
I met you, Troll.
Now let's get questing.
- Yeah.
I set out upon a journey ♪
And I went somewhere,
that was a journey ♪
Maybe more journeys need me ♪
- Maybe more evil trees
in the forest ♪
Need another little troll
to eat ♪
- Maybe I finally found ♪
Where I'm meant to be ♪
- Evan, hurry up!
- Huh? Okay!
Remember, my legs
are smaller so--wait up!
The final episode of season 1