The Carrie Diaries (2012) s01e13 Episode Script

Before there was sex, before there was the city, there was just meCarrie.
Carrie Bradshaw.
And lots of things were changing Larissa said that if I do a good job, she might hire me as her full-time assistant over the summer.
for all of us.
You like me? I do like you.
So what? I like you, too.
Is that Mr.
Bradshaw? Yeah, it is.
Let's go.
We made out in your car and got coffee a couple times.
My kids don't really know that I'm dating yet.
Admit it.
It's always more fun when you're with me.
Did you give me that book so I'd wanna have sex with you? No.
I've been thinking about it a lot.
Why do you have to think so much about everything? Because that's who I am.
If that's the way you feel, then maybe we should just break up.
If that's what you want, fine.
There's a brief moment when you first wake up where you have no memories a blissful blank slate, a happy emptiness.
But it doesn't last long, and you remember exactly where you are and what you were trying to forget a totally painful, gut-wrenching breakup.
Ugh! And the worst part you have no one to be angry at except yourself.
Now the only thing I could remember about me and Sebastian was how happy I was And there's a heart that's breaking And now I wasn't.
Down this long distance line tonight Please! You were not happy.
You are always complaining about him and miserable.
Absolutely miserable! I was? Totally, because he was so needy and demanding and not even that cute.
Uh, he's ugly, really.
Oops.
You went too far.
Too far with what? We don't actually believe any of this stuff.
We're just trying to make you feel better about the breakup.
We feel awful for you guys.
You were great together.
And right before prom.
Breaking up before prom might actually be worse than getting dumped near Valentine's Day.
It's like walking into a giant spotlight of pain and embarrassment.
"Look at me, everyone.
I have a pretty dress and no one to share it with.
" Did you already buy the dress? I did.
Maybe Mouse could ask some of West's cute basketball buddies what they're doing for prom.
I'm not going to prom with West.
Wait.
Did I miss something? Areare you guys breaking up? No.
It's because of my parents.
Do they not like West? They do not know there is a West, and I would like to keep it that way.
They would never approve.
I'm not exactly sure how to ask this, but, uh are your parents racist? Duh! Of course they are.
Oh.
Against anyone who isn't Chinese.
How come we've never heard about this? Because it sounds crazy.
But my Chinese heritage is even more important to them than Harvard.
We're direct descendants of the Qing dynasty.
Okay, so who cares? My parents, that's who.
If I am ever allowed to date and that probably can't happen until after Harvard then it has to be someone who's also from the Qing dynasty, like my parents' best friends' son Eugene.
"Eugene"? That does not sound promising.
Trust me when I say it is the opposite of promising.
Does West know? I haven't told him.
But I'm sure he'll understand.
Wow, so none of us are going to the prom? Maybe we could still go the three of us.
It could still be fun.
Yeah, maybe.
Like a trouple.
We'd make a very cute trouple.
We would.
Wait.
Is that Yeah.
Ahem.
Hey.
Simon.
Hi.
I'm Noelle, Simon's fiancee.
Maggie.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Super excited.
Maggie's the chief's daughter.
Well, I don't wanna keep you guys from your lunch, so Of course.
We'll see you around.
Bye.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
Fine.
Let's talk about prom plans.
We should probably ask Walt if he wants to come with us also.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll make it a party.
I like the sound of a party.
Heading to the gym? Yep.
Is that cologne? Uh yeah.
Yeah.
Drakkar Noir.
You're wearing cologne to the gym? There's a guy there who smells really bad.
Serious case of B.
O.
You know, I'm just doing my best to survive.
That's why you'll never catch me at the gym.
Working outnot for me.
But I'm glad you're enjoying it.
I am.
Yeah, after I took the meditation class, I realized how important it is for me to have an outlet you know, someplace where I can really go and just let it all out.
Yes! Ohh! Oh, God.
Oh.
God, that is That is so much better than the gym.
It'd better be.
I'd like to think I'm a little more fun than free weights.
Ah.
What, you're trying to get rid of me already? We just finished.
For the third time.
Yes.
Okay.
As much as I'd love to have you spend the night, it's getting late.
I mean, the gym has to close at some point, right? I don't want your kids to get suspicious.
No, you're right.
I should get going.
Yeah.
I don't wanna get busted.
God, we are like a couple of horny teenagers trying to get a quickie in.
I hope the difference between teenager Tom and adult Tom is that, uh I'm not too quick.
You are just right.
I wonder how long we can keep it up.
Or how long we should.
What do you mean? Well, I as much as I like being the other woman to your little women, I I just wonder if maybe we should Tell our kids that we're dating? Yeah.
My girls lost their mom less than a year ago.
I mean, all they have now are memories of us, and I just don't want them to feel like I'm disrespecting those memories.
And while one person was focused on honoring the past Another was diving into it.
I can't believe you are going to Kyoto for the summer to learn to be a geisha.
Darling, in order to embrace being a modern woman, you have to know the ways of the traditional woman.
And I hear they really know how to pleasure a man.
That is a skill that every woman should know.
Why do I have a feeling you'll be teaching them a thing or two? Because you know me so well.
I'm gonna miss you.
Oh, please, you are gonna "All About Eve" me.
By the time I get back in July, you will have taken over my job and ensconced yourself in my office.
I'd settle for getting to use that phone of yours.
- I'd rather you take my job.
- Hide this.
So you'll keep an eye on everyone for me while I'm gone, be my spy? And answer the phones.
I still don't know where that silly receptionist went.
You went to her good-bye party.
She moved back to Dallas, remember? Oh, right.
I always forget people who don't like the city.
They're just not worth remembering.
Thanks to her, I get to work here all summer as a real full-time receptionist.
Hello? "Interview" magazine.
How may I help you? We're not paying.
You know that, right? I know.
I think I'll end up losing money having to take the train every day, but I don't care.
It's worth it.
Sweets, you should stay at my loft while I'm gone.
The neighborhood is so skungee.
It would be great to have someone look after the place for me.
Somehow I don't think my dad would be too psyched about skungee, but Say it's a gorgeous downtown loft with oodles of space for you and the gorgeous Walt.
You could live there together.
That is such a generous offer.
But I don't think I'm really ready to abandon Castlebury entirely this summer.
Haven't given up on the hair god? Don't fret.
The viking obviously adores you.
Why else would he come to Manhattan and hang with a bunch of fabulous gays and the hags who love them if he didn't? And while I wished I wasn't alone - Are you serious? I can't believe that.
- Yeah.
It appeared my sister wasn't.
I actually forgot we did that.
So funny.
Carrie, hey.
Carrie, hey.
Hi.
Hope it's okay I stopped by.
Of course.
So we should probably head upstairs.
Totally.
You don't have to.
Oh, we want to.
Not to be a buzzkill or anything, but you better leave the door open.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
So, uh nice bumping into you again.
The same.
Kinda funny we both like Bradshaw girls.
I think it means we have very good taste.
Blah, blah, blah.
Let's get outta here already.
Well don't really know where to begin.
How about with, "I'm happy to see you"? I am.
But how do you even know Miller? Oh, we went to the same private school for a bit.
The one I got kicked out of for pot smokin'.
So, uh, Miller's in our grade? Actually a senior.
So Dorrit's with someone older than us? Miller's all right.
He's super smart, but doesn't really care much about it or anything.
Then he's exactly Dorrit's type, and I don't mean that in a good way.
She seems happy.
She does.
Wow.
My sister's happy.
It was strange to think my sister was happy and in love, and I wasn't.
I miss you.
And I'm sorry.
Me, too.
I'm sorry I let you break up with me.
I didn't want that.
I'm sorry I said it in the fist place.
I hate that everything I think, I say, even when it's not what I want.
And I hate that I don't say what I think, even when I should.
I hate that I feel so vulnerable and then I lash out at you.
I hate that you don't feel safe with me.
I hate that I sabotage things when they're good, because I think everything good goes away.
I hate that I grew up around so much drama that I don't know any different.
I hate that your parents did that to you.
You know what I don't hate? What? You.
I love you.
You couldn't possibly love me as much as I love you.
I love you, Sebastian Kydd, so much, my heart hurts.
Dorrit, stop.
Why? My dad's not home.
Yeah, but your sister is.
So? No time like now.
Under the mountain, a golden fountain Why are you rushing this? I kinda just wanna get it over with.
Is it because you're scared it's gonna hurt? Maybe.
I just keep thinking about it and thinking about it if it'll hurt, if I'll feel different afterward.
I just don't wanna wonder anymore.
I wanna know, even if it's bad.
It's not gonna be bad.
It might hurt, and maybe you'll feel different.
I don't know.
But one thing's for sure I will like you afterward.
My friend Promise? I promise.
And I promise that it's gonna be special.
That's why I wanna wait.
Oh, whoa oh, your city So you're not mad that I'm going to prom with Sebastian? Of course not.
I'll be fine.
Although I don't think he'll appreciate your sparkly dress as much as I would.
Uh, that may be true.
But I bet he'll enjoy getting you out of it.
Mags! What? I'm right.
Walt, aren't I right? Ha ha! I'm going to say nothing.
Good choice.
Ugh, please.
Proms are for getting drunk, getting laid, getting in fights.
Well, I was going to ask you to prom, seeing as we're both solo, but now not so sure.
Seriously? Well, prom is also for dancing up a storm and being a really, really fun date.
And since I don't expect a steak dinner, a cheap one.
It wouldn't be Romantic? Duh.
We're way past that.
But I like the idea of you and me at prom.
Yeah.
Me, too.
For old times' sake.
We could double with Mouse and Eugene.
Who's Eugene? Some loser Mouse's parents are making her to go prom with.
What about me and Sebastian? Why don't you guys wanna double with us? Because you two are gonna be all lovey-dovey.
We don't need to be a part of that.
I'm gonna be lovey-dovey at prom.
I'm so happy for you.
Sebastian is such a great guy.
He is, isn't he? Totally.
He knows you.
He wants to protect you.
I wish I could meet a guy who wants to protect me from stuff.
What do you mean protect me from stuff? Just he he looks out for you.
He wants you to be happy.
Protects me from what? Fromfrom the cold andand stuff.
Like w-when he gave you his jacket.
What? Mags, your eyes just darted in, like, three directions.
I know you're hiding something from me.
Are you guys hiding something from me? No, I'm not.
I swear.
Mags? Okay, it's nothing, really.
It's Well, if it's nothing, just say it.
You better say it.
She's not gonna stop until you do.
Ugh.
Itit's really not a big deal.
Um when Sebastian and I met up to get my fake I.
D.
which is awesome, by the way uh, we saw your dad.
Okay.
With a lady.
Like a date? I think so.
Itit might have been.
It wasit was hard to tell 'cause it was kinda dark.
It was probably a date.
Sebastian just thought that I shouldn't know about my dad? He wanted to protect you.
You did it to protect me? Yeah.
I thought you'd be upset.
I am, at you.
How could you keep something like this from me? Because I knew you'd be upset, which you are.
I would never keep something like this from you if I had seen your mom with someone.
Carrie, I've seen my mom with lots of "someones.
" And my dad, for that matter.
So it wouldn't really be much of a shock to me.
But I figured hearing your dad was making out like some horny teenager in his car would bum you out.
I thought they were just at dinner.
I figured Maggie told you everything.
No, not everything, but now I have every last visual in my head.
How could he move on already? This is why I didn't want to tell you.
Because you thought I couldn't handle it.
Because I know it's hard to see your parents as people.
I have to deal with it all the time.
I get it.
It'd be easier not to have to think of your dad that way.
Sebastian, it's been less than a year.
My parents had a real love affair.
Youyou don't just move on from that like it was nothing.
I don't think that's what he's doing.
You wouldn't understand.
Unlike your parents, mine had a good marriage.
We have very different histories.
Well, maybe we're just too different.
You know, where we come from, how we were raised, how we see the world.
Just no matter what, it seems like we end up here.
Because you wanna overthink every moment.
Or because you don't want to think at all.
I mean, you smoke pot with Donna to let loose.
You got drunk at that book party because you were upset about your mom.
I'm trying to cope, okay? So am I, every day.
Look, I know it's complicated for us between us.
But that doesn't mean it's not worth it.
Maybe it does.
I-I love you so much, my heart hurts.
Is that what love is supposed to feel like? Like pain? I I don't know.
I don't want to live in pain.
Or love that way.
I'm sorry, Sebastian.
Carrie.
Carrie, are you okay? Why didn't you tell me? You guys didn't have any right to keep this from me.
You're right, totally.
What happened with you and Sebastian? Do you wanna talk or No.
For once, I do not want to talk at all.
I wanna be by myself, okay? I am so sorry.
I had no No idea you'd wreck my chances with Carrie? It jit just slipped out.
You just happened to blurt out the one thing we agreed not to tell Carrie? Yeah, I gotta wonder.
Are you one of those girls who's just jealous when her friends are with someone? No! I was happy for you and Carrie! I mean, clearly you can't find happiness with a guy.
Thatthat's not true.
Walt and I were happy.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
Fine.
Um, it sucks that nothing ever works out for me.
Sucks.
But I would never sabotage Carrie's happiness.
I-I just wanna find my own.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
You're not doing anything wrong.
Then why doesn't anybody wanna be with me? It must be me.
Isis something wrong with me? I-I-I'm gonna do you a favor, because no one else will tell you the truth, and you deserve to know.
Walt was never gonna love you in any real way.
Ever.
I don't understand.
Think about it.
I don't think Walt likes girls.
I was really excited about going to the prom.
Why don't you come with me and Maggie? We're going as friends anyway.
There she is.
Is it true? What? Are you gay? Are you? You're a homo, aren't you? Mags, don't do this.
Did you know? Was everyone just hiding this from me and laughing at me? No.
You have some nerve, talking to me about secrets, when all along you knew this.
Mags, stop.
Why do you think you're the only person in the world that deserves the truth? I don't.
Mags.
You deserve the truth.
If maybe we could go somewhere to talk? Apparently I didn't deserve the truth when you wouldn't have sex with me and you made me feel like crap about myself.
You made me feel like something was wrong with me when actually something's wrong with you.
I can't believe I ever loved you.
You make me sick.
"Heaven"? More like "Heaven help us".
Just say it.
It's gonna be hell Which is why I'm so happy we're not going.
I am so sorry, Walt.
For what? It's not your fault.
Well, it kind of is.
Not that I ever said anything to him, but it was Sebastian who told Maggie.
I'm not mad at him.
You shouldn't be either.
I can still be mad at him.
For your own stuff, but not for me, okay? So I'm off to the gym.
You smell nice.
Uh sure.
Yeah.
So I see you decided to go to prom.
That's great.
No.
Actually, Walt and I are heading into the city.
A little going-away party for Larissa.
Well, I hope you guys don't regret missing your junior prom.
- I don't think we're gonna regret that choice.
- Definitely no.
So what time do you think you'll be home tonight? Can I talk to you about that? I was hoping I could sleep over at Larissa's tonight.
She's leaving for Kyoto tomorrow evening, and I was gonna help her pack.
Uh I don't know, Carrie.
Walt would stay, too, so I'd have someone to take the train back with in the morning.
Are you and Walt dating? What? N-no.
No.
Never.
Carrie, never say never.
Sometimes friendships have a way of changing.
Dad, trust me on this one.
That will never happen.
If you say so.
I definitely say so.
So is it all right if we stay? Sure.
Yeah, it's okay.
You won't, uh, be lonely without me and Dorrit here? Since she has a sleepover? I'll be fine.
You know, when I get back from the gym, I'm so tired, I just crash anyway.
That gym really seems all-consuming for you.
I've been enjoying myself.
That's great.
But you've really been spending a lot of time there.
And at night, at dinnertime, which I like to think it's family time, not gym time.
Maybe you should spend more time with us.
Me and Dorrit we need you.
Got it.
Right.
Totally hear you, Carrie.
And it's not like the gym won't understand.
It's just a gym.
Good.
Can I open them yet? Not yet.
Now? Now.
It happened one time it happened forever for a short time Wow.
One summer never ends one summer never begins Is this for me? This is why I wanted us to wait.
I wanted it to be perfect for us.
For you.
All my will and then suddenly Last summer From one unhappy girl to another So you know Dorrit? Carrie's sister? Sure.
She's in my class.
Cool.
We'll both be at the high school next year.
Awesome.
I don't know what's taking my dad so long.
I'm sorry you have to go with me to your prom and that my mom has to drive us.
What? I'm sorry.
I just I can't believe this is my junior prom.
No offense.
I would rather be home playing "Dungeons & Dragons.
" No offense.
It's so annoying my parents only want me to be with someone who's Chinese, even if she's too old for me.
I know! And all because our parents are Chinese royalty.
We're not royalty.
Of course we are, from the Qing dynasty.
No.
Our parents are from the same farming village.
We're, like, third cousins or something, making this date even weirder.
Well, I just did my family tree.
For a school project? For fun.
I like you, Eugene.
And we come from a long line of peasants and farmers.
- Are you sure? - A thousand years of hard labor and back-breaking work.
That cannot be.
I can bring over the tree if you like.
It's very detailed.
So All along, I've played by my parents' rules and respected their traditions and for what? To protect the lineage of peasants? I said "no" to going to the prom with my really, really hot boyfriend to please my parents, when I'm the best thing that's ever happened to this family.
In a nutshell? Yes.
And after this little soiree, it's off to danceteria.
It's gonna be marvelous.
Mm.
Oh.
I'm proud of you, Walt.
Even acknowledging you're gay is huge.
I'm not telling many people.
Mm.
Well, you're taking baby steps out of the closet, and that's a big deal.
I just wish I didn't feel like I ran out and forgot to put clothes on.
Well, you'll feel like that for a while.
Just don't beat yourself up if there's moments when you wanna run back in and never come back out again.
Hmm.
I knew this would be hard for me.
I-I just feel awful that I dragged Maggie through it, too.
If I'd just been honest with myself earlier Walt, we don't live in a world where people are that accepting of us.
I mean, there's pockets like New York, but then there's also places like Castlebury.
Exactly.
Where being honest often means being shunned.
Did your friends from home accept it? Some did.
Some didn't.
My best friend Ritchie acted like I'd lied to him.
Like somehow our camping trips growing up had been an excuse for me to get into a tent with him.
So what happened? Are you friends still? No.
He could never see me in the same light again.
So be prepared.
You know, you're not just taking on a new future.
In a way, you're also creating a new past.
I knew you weren't ready.
You don't have anything to prove to me.
I-I don't mind waiting.
But I am ready.
You burst out into tears.
That doesn't feel like a good thing.
When my mom died, I didn't cry once.
I think because, in a way, I've been numb ever since.
But not tonight.
I felt everything.
I felt happy so happy I just couldn't handle it for a second.
But I'm ready to feel everything.
Well, well, well, if it isn't Sebastian Kydd.
Oh, look.
It's the girl who screwed up my life.
Same can be said of you for me.
Wanna sit? Not really, but I could use a drink.
What do you want? I'm buying.
You bet you are.
Ohh.
That's a shame, darling.
The hair God actually seemed worth all the work.
It just got too complicated.
Too many fights.
Mm.
How hard is it to be happy? Oh.
It's near to impossible.
Well, people are happy.
Mm, for, like, one second.
Blowing out birthday candles.
Petting a panda.
Those are moments of joy.
But there's a difference.
A good relationship is hard work.
Practically slave labor.
Do you think I'm stupid for wanting to be happy with someone? Oh, an absolute dumbbell.
Look, people Well, people like us we're always restless.
So we're a little bit unhappy.
Being with someone doesn't change that.
It just makes it that much more complicated.
Maybe I just want something simple.
Simple is some nice boy who is dull and doesn't challenge you.
I can just see you bored out of your mind in the suburbs.
You'd kill yourself.
I'd kill you.
But I think I want that.
When I imagine my future, I'm married, living in a house with my garden and my kids.
That is not your life, Carrie Bradshaw.
That is your mother's.
Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting what my parents had.
Let me tell you a little bit about the tribe I'm from.
I'm sorry.
What? My father was the king of our tribe.
I'm from Ghana.
And I was supposed to be married to my mother's second cousin and become the wife of the next ruler.
I was 14 when I ran away.
There was no way that these hips were bearing children or that I'd be carrying water in a jar on my head.
How did you get from there to here? With a lot of spunk and a very handsome British lord as a sugar daddy to look after me until I could stand on my own.
I never looked back.
But you know what I took from my old life? No.
That I am the daughter of a king, which makes me a princess! You certainly are.
Mm-hmm.
It is okay to love the things that your parents give you.
Treasure them.
But you have to remember that you are not your parents.
You are you, Carrie Bradshaw.
But what if me doesn't end up with a white picket fence and a station wagon? Oh! There are millions of girls out there who will marry a nice boy and drive one of those station wagon thingys.
But you, you you will never be satisfied with a man who sits at home and asks you what's for dinner.
Takeout.
Exactly.
You want a man who gets that and gets you.
Does Sebastian? He challenges me, makes me look at myself.
I'm madly in love with him.
Ohh! Mad is wonderful! I better get out of here.
Yes, you should.
Have a great trip.
Why, thank you.
Does anybody love anybody Hey, I never had a chance.
There'sthere's no money to go to college.
I'm attracted to guys who don't even like me.
My own parents don't even think I'll amount to anything.
I'm probably gonna end up a loser waitress at this loser bar.
No offense.
I'm sorry.
Oh, that my life is such a disaster? No.
If I hadn't told you about Walt, you'd be at the prom, having a good time.
Well, same for you, if I hadn't been all blabbermouthy.
Here's to two loose-lipped losers who created their own messes.
Here's to being alone.
I don't want to be alone tonight.
Carrie.
Can I come in? Sure.
Of course.
Um are you all right? Yeah.
I'm more than all right.
I'm happy.
Oh, good.
I'm glad.
I like the idea of you being happy.
I like the idea of being happy with you and being unhappy with you.
I-I like the being of being with you.
Carrie, I-I have to say something.
Don't.
I know it's not going to be easy.
It never is with us.
But I don't care.
All I care about is that we're together.
I can't believe we get to spend the whole night together.
Yeah.
Would you rather not? You're worried we might get caught.
I'm worried that we already have.
Ah.
I think Carrie knows.
Maybe this is a good thing.
We wouldn't have to sneak around anymore, and we could see what this is out in the open.
I don't think she's ready for me to date.
Did she say that? She didn't have to.
I know my daughter, and she is not a selfish kid.
If she's not ready maybe it's just not time.
But maybe in a few months? When things have died down a little bit? Can you at least stay tonight? That would make me very happy.
Um What? I am so lucky.
We both are.
I wanna have sex with you.
I want that, too, but when it happens, I want it to be perfect.
It will be.
I just wanna lie here tonight with you in my arms.
Is that all right? I've been looking for you everywhere.
How was the prom? I didn't go.
Well, I went by to see if you were there, but you weren't, so I stopped by your house, the basketball courts.
Well, you get the point.
I don't understand.
What happened to your date Eugene? I didn't wanna go to the prom with some geek in braces.
I wanna go to the prom with my hot geek boyfriend, which is exactly what I told my parents.
You told your parents about me? And? How'd it go? Well, they're going to kill me.
But I'll worry about that another day.
Tonight I wanna dance with my boyfriend on prom night.
Oh, thinkin' about our younger years there was only you and me we were young and wild and free now nothing can take you away from me we've been down that road before but that's over now you keep me coming back for more baby, you're all that I want when you're lying here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe we're in heaven and love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart it isn't too hard to see we're in heaven heaven oh, oh, oh I was happy Hello? I'm home.
And alone.
Mags! Is everything okay? Larissa's gonna shame us for leaving the club so early.
It's 7:30 A.
M.
In Larissa's world, the party just began.
Oh! I love this city.
We're coming home from a night of clubbing, and that guy's just starting his day.
There's room here for everything.
It's pretty amazing to know the city exists for all of us.
Makes me feel safe.
You are safe, Walt.
I-I can't, Walt.
Oh.
Are you not No, it's not that I don't want to.
I can't.
You're 17.
I-I feel like I'd be taking advantage of you.
I'm old enough to know what I want.
And when you're not jailbait, I'll want that, too.
I turn 18 at the end of the summer.
I will be counting the days.
So now what? So now we're friends.
Friends? Being friends will be fun.
The end of the summer feels a long way away.
Summer will fly by, plus my roommate Stanford is a party promoter.
He'll get us into the hottest clubs.
That does sound like fun.
And it was nothing.
Wewe bothwe both realized We knew that it was wrong and it was nothing.
You already said that twice.
I know you're not with him anymore, but I just wanted to be honest with you.
I wouldn't wanna hide anything from you.
You don't deserve that.
I-I didn't even know if I should come over here and tell you.
I was up all night thinking and crying.
I just feel so awful.
Like if Iif I just hadn't I don't know why I do these things before I think.
I guess I just feel so alone and so scared.
And all of this has just been way too much for me, andand I don't know why these things keep happening to me, but I Stop.
You're not the victim here.
I know.
I know.
I'm not trying to make it about me.
It's always about you.
Always.
Ever since we were in kindergarten.
Your need for attention, to make drama so that you can be at the center of it, and never, not once, have I judged you.
I didn't make Walt gay.
Okay? And I'm sorry that I-I don't have parents that believe in me like you do.
Did.
I can't help what I've been through.
You're blaming your past and what you've been through for what you did to me.
You're not even blaming it.
You're excusing your behavior with it.
You know, Mags, we've all been through stuff.
Hard stuff.
Stuff that has made us make choices we might regret.
And now you're going to have to live with that.
I will make it up to you.
I swear.
We've been friends for a long time.
I know.
That means something.
Maybe all it means is that it's been a long time, because it certainly doesn't mean you're a good friend.
You should go.
Carrie.
Are you okay? I don't think so.
Did something happen? Something awful.
With Sebastian? I'm sorry.
Thanks.
So how was Audrey's? Amazing.
You weren't at Audrey's, were you? No.
Miller seems nice.
It's just he's a lot older than you, and I just hope you're being careful with everything, including your heart.
I love him, Carrie.
And he loves me.
Guess sometimes it's just that simple.
So you're happy? Really happy.
I'm glad for you.
Is that gonna be Sebastian? I think so.
What do you want me to say? That I'm not home.
Done.
Where's dad? Has he asked about me? No.
Um I think he's at the gym.
He spends a lot of time there.
Does it bother you? Nah.
I want dad to have a life.
That way, he won't be in our faces all the time.
Hey, Dorrit.
Carrie's not home.
Not home or won't see me? I don't know what's going on with you two, but you'll work it out.
This time, I'm not so sure.
Just tell her I wanna see her, okay? Letting go of people or traditions is hard because you invest so much in them, that to let go can be scary.
But it can also be liberating So if you're lost and on your own or even essential to your happiness.
You can never surrender If you don't let go, you can find yourself in a dark place.
unable to kick your worst habits.
And sometimes, if we truly love someone, we have to be okay with letting go.
Hey.
Hey.
So what I said about the gym yesterday I'm not sure I was totally being fair.
No.
You are entitled to your feelings about the gym.
But you like it, and it makes you happy.
And I know mom would want that.
And it's not like Dorrit and I don't want you to have a, uh gym membership.
We do.
Really? God, you're a great kid.
Right.
So it's settled.
You will be going to the gym.
And I-I hope it's okay.
I-I'm sure the gym is very nice.
I just, uh maybe don't need to meet the gym right now.
Sure.
No, I get it.
Yeah.
Makes perfect sense.
It's kinda weird how things are changing for us.
You know, next year around this time, I'll be getting ready to go to college.
I don't want to even imagine you being gone.
I mean, are you sure you don't wanna go to the community college nearby and just live here forever? I'm sure.
But I was thinking maybe we could get the summer to get used to it? Me being gone, like a test run.
What did you have in mind? Well, Larissa will be going to Kyoto for part of the summer and said I could stay in her loft.
And since I will be working at "Interview" full-time, it would be an easier commute, so also a practical idea.
I don't know, Carrie.
I mean, the city can be a dangerous place for a girl living all alone.
I wouldn't be alone.
I'd have Walt.
He's just been going through a lot, and so he's kind of looking for an escape, too.
Is Walt in some sort of trouble? No.
It just might be good for him not to spend the whole summer in Castlebury.
As I can attest to, it can feel like a pretty small town when you're struggling with stuff.
Let me think about it.
You living alone in New York would be a big deal.
So it's not a "no"? It is not a "no"? I'll take it.
Geoffrey Chaucer wrote, "Time heals all wounds.
" But what he failed to mention was the scars those wounds leave behind.
The painful things that happen to us permanently leave their mark.
And the pavements are burning I sit around They don't necessarily hurt anymore, but they're always there as a reminder, as a memory.
But the air is so heavy and dry And as time passes, maybe the memory gets a little fuzzy.
are saying Ah, what did they say? Things I can't understand But we always have the scar to remind us it happened .
.
For comfort, this heat has that we lived through it, that we survived.
It's a cruel And maybe I had some scars on me, but I felt like I was now ready to leave my mark on the world.
on my own It's a cruel it's a cruel cruel summer