The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020) s01e13 Episode Script

1
Why hasn't Ms. Page e-mailed us yet?
She's a teacher.
What is she so busy doing?
Having a life?
Good one.
I think my inbox is slow.
What's so important about this e-mail?
It's the cast list for Only Human,
the musical the new drama teacher wrote
based on the YA novel that everyone read.
Except me.
In case you guys aren't aware,
I'm a little behind on pop culture,
but I did just start listening to Beyoncé.
Lemonade, am I right?
Still behind, but proud of you.
Can't wait till you discover Billie Eilish
in four years.
Ash, you'd love Only Human.
It's set in the future,
where everyone marries robots
because human love
causes too many problems.
I think it's based on a true story.
The show is centered on Eve,
played by me, fingers crossed,
who is in a love triangle
with a guy named Sergio
and a robot named Robio.
I really hope I get Sergio
or Robio
’cause then I'm in lots of scenes
with Eve. Fingers crossed.
I really hope I get chorus boy.
No lines to remember.
-Fingers crossed.
-[chuckles]
I'm so nervous for everyone,
and I'm not even up for a role.
[cell phone chimes]
[exclaims] I got Eve!
[Stick] Congratulations.
Oh, man.
I didn't get chorus boy.
I got Sergio.
-Oh, my God. [laughs]
-You're the lead?
We don't always get what we want.
-[cell phone chimes]
-Stick, what did you get?
I'm Tree.
Is that a good part?
It's not even a part.
Ms. Page says she added it
after I auditioned.
"The Tree doesn't sing or dance or speak,
but it's a really important role
because it's the last tree on earth,
so you have to convey
the earth's sadness."
Stick, there are no bad parts
[clicks tongue] other than Tree.
-I'm really sorry, Stick.
-Thanks.
The worst thing is
I don't get to be in scenes with you.
I'm sorry. This sucks.
Congratulations, Tad.
You went after what you really wanted.
Enjoy that hug.
With this rehearsal schedule,
this will probably be the last time
Tad and I are free for the next six weeks.
Tree will probably have lots of free time.
Six weeks?
I'm so glad I encouraged you to audition.
I did this.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll miss you too.
Here.
Something to remember me by.
Tad, this is just your trash.
And I wouldn't give it to any other girl.
[theme music playing]
[school bell rings]
And rehearsals start today.
It's a lot of words, but a lot repeat,
so I'm not that worried.
-And I'm the lead.
-[Victor] You see?
There's life after football season.
I'm gonna start focusing on
recording my music.
The acoustics in here are amazing. Listen.
If you stay ♪
But to be fair, I sound great anywhere.
You know,
ever since Ava went to Antarctica,
all these love songs keep popping
into my head,
like this one.
I don't have the words yet.
[acoustic guitar strumming on recording]
That's nice.
You know, if you ever need words, Coach,
just look at stuff and say,
"Hey, what's that called?"
I'll remember that.
[sighs] Oh, thanks, Tad.
Hm. Mm. I can work with this. [sighs]
-Who are you?
-I'm Ms. Page,
the new drama teacher,
and this is my new office.
Uh [chuckles]
no.
I'm Coach Garcia from the football team,
and this is my current office.
Oh they--
-they didn't tell you?
-Tell me what?
Football season's over.
Yeah, Coach, right after you lost
the big game on Friday.
Thank you. I know what happened.
The principal is taking your office
and giving it to me
because the musical is starting.
Hey, Coach?
What?
Not you, Coach. Play Coach.
[Page] Yes, Tad?
Where do you want me to hang this?
Uh, wait. Y-You're gonna hang
a huge picture of yourself?
[chuckles] Isn't that a little conceited?
Yeah, uh who would do that? [chuckles]
Uh
I was in the NFL.
That picture inspires the kids.
Does it?
I was on Broadway.
Tad, take that down, and hang my picture
right there.
Tad, don't touch my picture.
Tad, take it down.
No, Tad.
[panting] My coaches are fighting!
Great news:
I no longer play Tree in the musical.
They cut the part?
No, they recast it with a ficus
from Home Depot.
I talked to Ms. Page,
and I am now engineering czar,
which means I'll be making the robot
for Only Human
with your help.
Me? I don't go to your school.
But you do advise the Robotics Club.
If you join the musical
as co-engineering czar,
then it'll be easier
for all of us to hang out.
What do you think?
I think you'd say anything
to get me to help you right now.
But, sure, why not?
Wait, as long as I get to be
engineering queen.
It's a made-up title, so, sure,
you can call yourself whatever you want.
Oh, I bet we can get JPL
to loan out Ichabod.
After Ichabod wasn't chosen for the ISS,
his talents are being wasted
in the JPL cafeteria.
What's he doing there?
He's the omelet station.
My baby's become
a 300-million-dollar whisk.
And now we're gonna make him a star.
So, I spoke to Principal Anderson.
Looks like we'll be sharing my office,
-which is fine.
-Yeah.
Heh.
We can handle this like adults.
My side,
and this
-[chuckles]
-is your side.
[sighs]
Please don't touch anything on my side.
I'm sorry, I can't hear anything
through your
[shouts] impressive barrier!
Hey, Coach. Hey, Play Coach.
-I'm ready to sing.
-All right, Tad.
Let's start with your solo.
Sergio is so enraged
that he just bursts into song. Understood?
Uh yeah.
[plays chord]
[flatly] I'm sorry I bleed ♪
I'm only human ♪
I'm sorry I feel ♪
I'm only human ♪
Okay! Okay. [chuckles]
Let's start with the good.
You're hitting the right notes.
Sounds like I'm killing it.
Well, something's dying.
Tad, I-I'm just not feeling the rage.
What happened to that raw energy
from the audition?
You were really playing the pain.
I hit my funny bone
right before the audition.
-I can do it again.
-No, no, no, no, no. No.
[chuckles nervously] Try acting. Okay?
Now, once again, just feel the rage.
[plays chord]
[flatly] I'm sorry I bleed ♪
I'm only human ♪
Okay! [chuckles]
That was
not better.
I'm sorry. It's just a little hard
for me to feel any rage.
Why does everything in my life
have to be going so good right now?
Tad
imagine a world
that has just outlawed spaghetti.
[shouts] What?
Yes! There's that emotion. Try it again.
-[chord plays on keyboard]
-[loudly] I'm sorry I bleed! ♪
I'm only human! ♪
Yes! Yes!
Now, sing sadly, Tad.
Sadly.
Spaghetti is legal,
but you left it out all night.
[voice breaking] No!
Use it. Use it.
[dramatically] I'm sorry I feel! ♪
[weakly] I'm only human ♪
Yes! That's it!
Incredible.
Nice work, Coach.
-Oh, please, call me Victor. [chuckles]
-Okay, Victor. Call me Ava.
[record scratches]
-Ava?
-[Tad] Sorry,
this keyboard has some sick sound effects.
[lion roars, bell dings,
and sheep bleats on keyboard]
You will not believe what Stick did.
I don't know why I think I'll get
any work done when I work from home.
What did Stick do?
He was rude and mean
to my theater friend, Blaine St. Claire,
who's playing Robio.
Apparently, Stick hates him.
Really?
He acted like it when I was running lines
with Blaine St. Claire.
Well, what exactly did he say?
[sighs] Okay, here's how it went down.
-[both laughing]
-Blaine! Oh, stop it!
No, you stop!
Hey.
[chuckles] Oh, hey, Stick.
I'm just running lines with Blaine.
Whatever.
Keep working on your little play.
[shoulders crack, neck cracks]
Where were we?
I remember.
"Robio, you're my husband,
and I will always love you."
-Uh, that's where we make out.
-[scoffs]
[chuckles]
I-I can't believe we have to do this.
You know, I think we're gonna need
a little extra practice on this.
We don't wanna be embarrassed up there.
[grunts]
Stick, what are you doing?
I brought you a cookie.
Unless you're not interested
in my cookies anymore.
I don't want that.
[grunts]
Can you believe Stick acted like that?
Wait, does this Blaine guy like you?
No, he doesn't like girls.
Stick was being so aggro.
Stick? Aggro?
He said toast was spicy.
Are you sure you got this right?
I mean,
that just doesn't sound like Stick.
Ashley, why are you questioning me?
When I'm venting about my boyfriend,
you're supposed to back me up.
Don't you know girl code?
I know Girls Code.
That was the computer coding club
I started at MIT.
I was the only one in it,
so I guess it was actually Girl Codes.
-We made jackets.
-[Brooke] Mm-hmm.
Well, I made jacket.
Ash, you have to know that that was not
what I was talking about.
I mean, girl code.
As in, sisters before misters.
Have you even been listening to Lemonade?
I've been listening, but
clearly, I haven't been hearing.
You know, Victor,
I admire the way you got through to Tad.
You really know how to speak his language.
I can tell you're a real musician.
Thank you.
And I know.
I was on Broadway.
Yeah, you keep saying that.
[cell phone chimes]
Hey, Coach, are you gonna help me
with my song again today?
You know, Coach writes songs too.
Coach, why don't you join the musical?
-I'm kinda working on my own stuff.
-Well,
we do still need a musical director,
and I could use help with a few songs
I wrote for the show.
Know what? Let me hear
some of your stuff. We'll see--
If I'm good enough? [chuckles]
I just wanna see
if our styles are in sync.
And if you're good enough.
-I got something here you might like.
-Okay.
[woman on PA] Attention,
if you drive a Dodge Charger
with a vanity plate
and are parked at the faculty lot,
-you're about to be towed.
-What?
No! That's my car.
Vanity plate.
Why am I not surprised?
Uh [chuckles]
It's not vanity.
It's a hilarious pun.
Tad, play her the song
I played you earlier.
-It's on my desktop.
-You got it, Coach.
-Here we go.
-[guitar playing on recording]
[woman on PA] Also, if you parked a moped
inside the cafeteria, please move it now.
That's my moped.
[Victor on recording]
Girl, am I moving too fast? ♪
I know we just met ♪
But I know this love of ours will last ♪
I know our love will last ♪
Not bad.
[Victor] Ava, I'm talking to you ♪
-Yes, I'm talking to you ♪
-What?
[Victor] I need to know ♪
If you feel ♪
The same way I do ♪
No, I don't.
No, I do not.
-[Victor] You do ♪
-No, I don't.
-[Victor] You do ♪
-No, I don't!
Ava, Ava, Ava, Ava ♪
-Ava, Ava, Ava, A-- ♪
-[screams]
Which face should Ichabod have
for when he plays Robio?
Cute,
sad,
looks like he's gonna destroy
the human race.
I say number one
with a little number three
to keep us on our toes.
[cell phone chimes]
That's weird.
I texted Brooke
to see if she wanted a cookie,
and she texted back "K."
Not "heart K."
Ever since we became a couple,
every "okay" has been "heart K."
I'm so not heart K with this.
I think she's mad at me,
but I didn't do anything wrong.
Or maybe you did.
What did Brooke tell you?
Nothing. Just that
when you saw Blaine St. Claire rehearsing
with Brooke, you were mean to him.
What? No.
Here's what happened.
[Brooke chuckles]
-Hey.
-[clears throat] Oh, hey, Stick.
I'm just running lines
with Blaine St. Claire.
Whatever. No worries. I'm not even here.
-Now, where were we?
-Here.
Robio, you're my husband,
and I will always love you.
Ooh, this is where we make out.
[chuckles] Ah,
I can't believe we have to do this.
It's in the script. What are we gonna do?
To get this right,
we're gonna need lots of practice
kissing.
Brooke, I'm gonna go get a cookie.
You want a cookie? Cookies are good.
Oh, Blaine already got me a cookie, so
I don't really need anything from you.
That's the real story.
I see what happened.
I need to talk to Brooke.
Please fix this for me.
I've gotta get back to those heart Ks.
I talked to Stick.
You two had totally different takes
on the Blaine St. Claire thing.
-You see, what Stick thought was--
-Wait. You told Stick?
I didn't plan to. It just happened.
I can't believe you spilled
to my boyfriend
what I vented to you in confidence.
-Now, you really broke girl code.
-Wait.
I thought girl code
was just about taking sides.
I thought I was in full compliance.
You violated the sacred system
of the sisterhood to Stick.
Good thing I did my vocal warm-ups today
so I could say that.
But but, Brooke, I didn't know.
Give me a textbook,
I'll master girl code in 30 minutes!
And I'll make you a jacket!
So
did Tad get a chance to play you
that song of mine?
Uh-huh.
Well, good.
And?
Did you just write that song?
Yeah. Just poured out of me.
[chuckles] I can get pretty passionate.
So?
What'd you think?
Uh [chuckles]
You know what? It's, uh
kale day, and, uh
the cafeteria's about to close, so
[cell phone chimes]
[cell phone chimes]
Hey, where's Play Coach going?
She came up with some lame excuse
just so she wouldn't have to tell me
how much she hates my music.
-Oh, no.
-So, I'm not gonna be musical director.
Is my new song really that bad?
Maybe it is.
[sighs] Wait a minute.
The song that's queued up is the love song
I wrote for Ava Germaine.
Is this what Ava Page listened to?
Uh, yeah. That one.
[Victor] Oh, no.
She thinks I wrote that song for her.
Why would she think that?
Because her name is Ava.
Oh.
At least now I know
why she's being so weird.
She thinks I'm into her.
[chuckles] That's hilarious.
Wait, are you?
-No.
-Just checking. You wrote her a song.
No, I didn't.
And I tried to tell Brooke
it was clearly a case of confirmation bias
on both sides,
but before I could fully explain it,
she got mad at me
for violating something called girl code.
Oh, you mean, like,
sisters before misters.
Two doctoral degrees, and, apparently,
everyone knows things I don't.
I'm not familiar with all the rules
of this girl code,
but the way Brooke explained it
to me didn't seem quite right.
Ash, you're brilliant.
If something doesn't feel right to you,
maybe there's a reason.
Ultimately,
you have to listen to yourself.
Huh.
You're right.
Brooke's a genius
when it comes to the social world,
but even Einstein made mistakes.
I mean, that hair. Oof.
If Brooke was wrong about this,
I wonder what else she was wrong about.
Maybe I should wear my visor again.
[chuckles softly]
Well, you know,
Brooke was still right about some things.
-[panting] Hi. Hi.
-Hey.
-[Ashley laughs]
-What are you doing here?
I thought I'd get here faster
so we could eat lunch together,
but in my calculations of time
and distance,
I neglected the fact that
I need to do more cardio!
-[bell rings]
-[sighs]
That's so nice.
Shoot, I gotta go,
but I can't wait to see you at Pat's.
[chuckles, sighs]
Ashley? Doesn't your lunch break end soon?
I know!
-Where you going?
-Oh, it's you.
Um, you know, the teachers' lounge
solved the, uh, raccoon problem,
so I'll just work in there now.
Before you do that,
can I talk to you for a second in private?
I'm okay out here.
That song you heard was written
for a different Ava,
my ex-girlfriend.
I didn't mean for you to hear that song.
Oh! So, that song wasn't about me?
No! I just met you.
It'd be crazy if I wrote a song about you.
I know!
That's why I was like,
"Oh, who is this guy?
'Cause, yikes, what a weirdo."
I mean, what kind of desperate loser
-just wants--
-Okay, I get it.
I see why you ran off screaming for kale.
So, now that I know that you're not madly
in love with me,
-I'll stay.
-[scoffs]
You know, Victor, that song of yours,
seemingly creepy lyrics aside,
was actually quite good.
I'm so glad.
I guess I'm a little sensitive
about my songwriting since,
you know, I'm just getting back into it.
See, before this, I played pro football,
but then, a blocked field goal
kinda blocked the rest of that career.
I can relate.
And, yes, I was an actress on Broadway
for one night. [scoffs]
I was Fantine in Les Mis.
On opening night,
the second I got on stage,
I had a horrible case of stage fright.
I bet no one noticed.
I vomited in the tuba.
Okay, maybe the tuba player noticed.
The Post called it "Les Mess."
And that was
the end of my Broadway career.
But then I started teaching, and
I'm glad things turned out the way
they did.
You know what? Me too.
After my football career ended,
I started coaching.
And now,
I couldn't be happier
than being right here.
So, this other Ava.
If you wrote a song about her,
she must have meant a lot to you.
Yeah.
I fell for her really hard,
-and then she moved to Antarctica.
-Wow.
That's some breakup.
I mean, not because of me. [scoffs]
When she gets back,
maybe we'll start datin' again. Maybe not.
Whatever.
-I'm not interested in dating right now.
-[scoffs] Me either.
I just got out of a relationship
with a guy who was on the rebound.
Never doing that again.
You know what the great part
about not being in a relationship is?
You can put your energy into other things,
like music.
Yeah. Who needs romance?
You know what?
That musical director position is yours
if you're still interested.
Oh, I'm interested.
In being musical director.
Yeah, yeah. Well
welcome aboard.
Oh, good!
I'm so glad you guys talked about
what happened with Blaine
and worked everything out.
No. We ignored it
[chuckles] and it went away.
What? No
you can't just pretend
things are fine when they're not.
Works for my parents.
You guys have to talk to each other
because the next time this happens,
you're gonna put me in the middle again,
and I'll be torn between my two friends,
and I don't want that.
Fine. We'll talk.
Good.
I don't want to be literally
in the middle, so I'll be there,
not listening.
Okay, time for my daily dose of Lemonade.
Why do you hate Blaine St. Claire?
I don't hate Blaine St. Claire.
It's just
I hate the way he looks at you.
What? You know he's gay, right?
Oh, he is?
Well, that's cool. Good for him.
He must have come out
the week I had shingles.
But gotta say, knowing that
doesn't actually make things better.
I feel left out.
You're spending all this time
with Blaine St. Claire,
this super talented guy
who you really connect with, and
I'm worried you're not gonna wanna spend
any time with me.
Stick, that's ridiculous.
Of course I'm gonna wanna spend time
with you.
Honestly, I'm the one who was worried.
Seriously? About what?
Well
I know before we started dating
that you hated my makeup tutorials.
I didn't hate them. I just didn't see
why people would watch them.
But now I do.
Well, when I thought you hated Blaine,
I just started to wonder if
you don't like what I do,
and you don't like who I hang out with,
then maybe you would start to realize
that you don't like me.
-What? That's crazy.
-[Brooke] Stick,
you don't get a monopoly
on insecure thoughts.
You're right. I'm sorry.
It's just that I totally like you.
You do know that, right?
I do. [sighs]
I mean,
it just doesn't hurt to be reminded.
Well, I'll remind you.
I tried out for the play
to spend more time with you.
I learned to salsa for you.
I put on heels for you.
I went to a dance
in spite of my social anxiety.
Aw! [laughs]
Okay, now I remember. [chuckles]
I wasn't done.
Okay. I wasn't listening,
but normally fights don't end in kisses,
so I'm guessing you guys are good.
Or do we need to dress in yellow
and take a bat to his car?
Lemonade.
I think we're good without the bats,
but good to know that you would vandalize
for me. [chuckles]
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get a gift for Blaine St. Claire
for his heroic journey of self-discovery.
I'm thinking candles.
That's so sweet. [chuckles]
He likes cash.
Brooke, I'm sorry it sounded
like I didn't support you.
I didn't mean to break girl code.
Actually, I've been thinking,
and maybe we need a new girl code.
I've been thinking the same thing.
We'd still have each other's backs,
but we should also be able
to call each other out on our stuff.
But in a really nice way.
Like
your shoes don't match your shirt,
but no one's gonna notice
because your hair's on point. [chuckles]
That's just an example, right?
Oh, yeah.
Then, yeah. Like that.
[both chuckle]
I have to get to rehearsal.
Hey, I'll be there.
I just gotta see Ashley for a second.
Hey.
I know you have to leave in 45 seconds,
but I wanted to give you something.
Spaghetti!
-[Ashley giggles]
-You're the best.
I'll save a little till we're together
so we can eat it Lady and the Tramp style.
Aw, that sounds great. [giggles]
Hey, I wanted to give you something too.
Well, that's fun.
[theme music playing]