The Garfield Show (2008) s01e13 Episode Script

1
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[Jon] So, Liz, how did you and Heather
enjoy your trip to Egypt?
-The two of us had so much fun.
-[Garfield falls]
I've brought a couple of snapshots
from the trip.
You call that a couple?
They have fewer photos on the Internet.
Garfield, did you know that
in ancient Egypt,
cats were worshipped like gods?
Some of them were even embalmed
and buried in their master's sarcophagus.
Buried? You call that worship?
Oh, and, Jon, I brought you
a little souvenir from Cairo.
The old man who sold it to me
said that it was an ancient artefact.
-But I'm sure it's just a copy.
-Wow! Thank you, Liz. How cool is that?
The man's excited by an old mirror.
Hey, put some of that gratitude
in feeding us all.
-[stomach growls]
-Me, especially.
Garfield's right.
I'd better go get dinner on the table.
Okay if I help?
How about we play hide-and-seek?
How about if you hide and we don't seek?
One, two, three, four
I'll consider hiding
when she hits 80 or so.
seven, eight,
nine, ten, 11
[whirring]
13, 14, 15
[Odie yipping]
[whooshing, sparking]
Odie! Odie, come back!
Oh, boy!
-[whirring continues]
-[girl continues counting]
82, 83
99, 100!
Garfield? Odie?
I'm gonna find you!
Now, where did they disappear to?
-[thud!]
-[birds chirping]
Oh! Oh!
As if I didn't have
enough problems already.
[Odie yipping]
[slurping]
[dramatic soundtrack playing]
[Garfield] I have a feeling we're not
in Kansas anymore, Odie.
Or anywhere else.
Hey, would you be careful
with those things?
I like my fur the way it is,
on a living body.
[Egyptians] We are your humble servants,
Master.
This way, Your Excellence.
Ah! This is more like it!
[chomping]
[Odie yipping]
Bad jackal!
[Odie grumbling]
[gasps]
I am Neferkitty,
high priestess of the goddess Cat-Ra!
Whatever you say.
More grapes, please?
-And would you mind peeling them?
-As you wish, great leader.
Ahem.
You ahem'd?
[Neferkitty] A long time ago,
cats were not just worshipped
by ancient Egyptians,
cats ruled over them.
Men were merely our slaves,
building us monuments and pyramids.
-Oho!
-[slaps!]
But one day, thousands of years ago,
the men dared to rebel against us.
Defeated, we were banished
into another dimension
through a magic mirror.
Could you skip to the end?
I never liked educational programs.
According to an ancient prophecy,
an orange cat and his pet jackal
will appear one day.
Jackal? Oh, you mean Odie.
Is that supposed to be me?
The orange cat
shall become our new pharaoh,
and we will worship him for 2,000 years.
You want to worship me and feed me?
Who am I to deny my adoring public?
You shall have all that you wish for
as soon as we're done
with the crowning ceremony.
Good. Can we get it over with
in time for lunch?
[chuckles]
[Garfield] Oh, boy.
Ugh! Hey! Not so tight!
You want to stop my breathing?
No, that will come soon enough.
[gong sounds]
[Egyptians] Hail to our new pharaoh!
Hail to our new pharaoh!
Hail to our new pharaoh!
Hail to our new pharaoh!
[yipping]
Keep it down, Odie.
You're gonna ruin my big moment of fame.
[whimpers]
I, Neferkitty,
high priestess of the goddess Cat-Ra,
crown you pharaoh, my lord.
Ugh!
I present you with those two symbols
of your immortal dominion.
[Egyptians] Hail to our new pharaoh!
Hail to our new pharaoh!
That's enough grapes
to last someone a lifetime!
Or me, about an hour.
[servant] In the sarcophagus,
an hour will be your lifetime.
You never mentioned anything
about putting me
into that over-decorated phone booth.
Didn't I?
Oh, must have slipped off my mind.
See, our previous pharaoh
was getting a little
Hey, thanks for inviting me to be pharaoh,
but I just remembered
a previous engagement
to not have my life ended.
-[blades clang]
-Ohh!
-[ting!]
-If you need me, I'll be in here.
Ouch!
[Egyptians] Hail to our new pharaoh!
[Neferkitty] Hail to our new pharaoh
that we shall worship and adore
for the next 2,000 years.
[Garfield] The least you could have done
was give me the grapes.
Thanks, I guess. [chomp!]
Be silent.
There's no talking in a sarcophagus.
[Garfield] Oh, sorry. It's dark in here
and I couldn't read the sign.
[lock engages]
The day of our new pharaoh shall be
the day of our new freedom and ascendancy.
[Garfield snoring]
You are rattling the temple
with your snoring!
[Garfield] Oops. Guess I didn't tell you
I'm a loud sleeper, did I?
People in the next state sometimes call
and complain about the noise.
Didn't you hear what I said? Be silent!
There.
-Suits you way better.
-[gasps]
Why, you
Guards! Don't let him get away!
[guards snarling]
[Odie growls]
Fasten your seat belt, Neferkitty.
This is gonna be one bumpy ride!
[guards screaming]
-[Garfield chuckles]
-[sound of bowling ball striking pins]
-This way, Odie!
-[Odie yips]
Catch them!
[Odie starting to sneeze]
[Garfield] This way!
That's our exit, Odie! Quick!
[clang!]
Pupster! How did you open it?
Try to remember! Use your brain!
[whoosh!]
[Garfield] Wow!
-[gasps]
-[blades clang]
So, the prophecy was right!
The day we crowned our new pharaoh
was indeed the day of our freedom!
I shall gather all my troops.
We shall cross through the magic gate
and wage a war
that will enslave mankind and grant us
full world domination! [laughing]
Oh, we already have full world domination.
What on earth do you mean?
Modern-day cats already rule humans.
They feed us, and pet us,
and buy us annoying kitty toys,
and let us sleep anywhere
we want to, and all day.
Hey, we want to sleep all day.
And we did it
in such a clever and subtle way
that the humans still haven't figured out
that they're our slaves.
You wanna mess with that?
And have someone serve us
freshly baked lasagna.
Wait! If this is true, take me
to your world so I can see it for myself.
This way, Your Highness.
But I'd lose the Egyptian suit
if I were you.
Just to keep a low profile.
[scepter crashes]
[Garfield laughing]
[whoosh!]
-[Odie whines]
-[thud!]
[birds chirping]
That's it! I'm free.
-I'm free!
-[Liz] Jon!
-Where did this beautiful cat come from?
-Never saw her before.
Maybe she belongs to the neighbors.
I don't see any identification tattoo
or a collar.
Unhand me, filthy mortal.
Oh, what a beautiful kitty.
-Can I hold her?
-Sure.
Can I keep her, Auntie Liz?
Can I? I've always wanted a kitty!
If no neighbor comes looking for her,
sure, why not?
High Priestess, is that you?
No point in letting them go to waste.
Just being on the safe side,
we wouldn't want any conquests of mankind.
We're gonna be such great friends!
I'll name you Fuzzbutton!
[gasps] Fuzzbutton?
[girl] And we'll get you your own sandbox,
and maybe a catnip mouse.
-And then I'll
-[Neferkitty] No! I must rule the world!
[Neferkitty] I must!
Hey.
That's how it is, sometimes.
One day, you're the high priestess
of the planet.
The next day, you're Fuzzbutton.
[Garfield snoring]
[Jon] Well, come on in.
I don't care who it is.
Even Nermal, as annoying as he is,
couldn't budge me from this bed.
Garfield, guess what?
It's my twin cousins,
Drusilla and Minerva!
Hello, little kitty cat!
-Kitty cat!
-No, no!
-Kitty cat!
-Kitty cat!
Hello, little kitty cat!
-Kitty cat!
-Little kitty cat!
Not Drusilla and Minerva!
Anything but Drusilla and Minerva!
Quick, Odie, we've got to get out of here.
Our lives are at stake! Run!
-Kitty cat!
-[Odie yipping]
What do you mean
it can't be that bad? Look!
-Kitty cat!
-Kitty cat!
-Look!
-Look!
-It's the puppy dog!
-It's the puppy dog!
-Puppy dog!
-Puppy dog!
-Aaaaah!
-Puppy dog!
-Get the puppy! Get the puppy!
-Puppy dog!
-It's a puppy dog!
-Puppy dog!
-Puppy dog!
-[Garfield straining]
-It's a puppy dog!
-It's a puppy dog!
[Garfield] Ugh!
[Garfield screaming]
Oh!
Let's play with the kitty cat
and the puppy dog!
-Kitty cat!
-Puppy dog!
-Kitty cat!
-Puppy dog!
Kitty cat!
[clang!]
[Garfield and Odie gasping]
Oh, man! That was close.
Why doesn't Jon warn us
when Drusilla and Minerva
are visiting this half of the country?
Well, we can't go home. Let's eat.
I happen to know that one of our
neighbors is barbecuing this afternoon.
Well, the ribs will be ready soon, hon!
Could you bring me more barbecue sauce?
I have to do everything myself.
Oh-ho-ho! Heavenly!
Whoa!
Hey, I was here first. Those are my ribs.
Those ribs are mine!
I've been planning
to steal those ribs for days.
I thought of stealing them first.
Guys, guys!
There's only one way to settle this.
Let's divide them up!
-Good idea!
-Good idea!
I cannot wait to eat
these delicious smelling ribs.
-[laughs] They look great!
-The one I just had was perfect.
The ribs were calling to me
up on that hilltop.
[Odie gasps]
[slurps, yips]
You don't want that.
Let's get some
that have meat on them.
-[Odie] Huh?
-My ribs! You stole my ribs!
Ribs?
I haven't seen any ribs.
Have you seen any ribs, Odie?
[Garfield screams]
I'm not letting you get away with this!
[Garfield gasping]
Hello? Get me the animal control board.
[turkey gobbling]
[telephone ringing]
Okay, calm down, sir.
Give me a description of the cat and dog.
Sure.
I know that cat.
The fat orange one. He took your ribs?
-[doorbell jingles]
-[turkey squawks]
[humming]
[gobbling]
-[crash!]
-[gobbling continues]
He usually goes after lasagna.
Okay, I'll find him and the dog.
[turkey gobbling]
I'm not used to being
falsely accused of taking food.
Hey, that was easy!
Usually, I'm guilty.
[Odie] Yeah.
Hey! What's the big, fat, hairy idea?
You're under arrest, cat.
Rib-stealing in the first degree!
[yelping]
Hey! Let go, mutt! Stop!
-Ohh!
-Hey, it's been lovely, but bye!
[turkey gobbling]
-[both scream]
-[crash!]
[Garfield panting]
That won't stop him!
This calls for more extreme measures.
[bees buzzing]
I'll have to try the old "fake tail
connected to the beehive" trick.
[Odie] Ohh!
[laughs]
First, we take a fake tail.
Then we connect it to a beehive.
[snickers]
Perfect.
-[bees buzzing]
-Hey!
[Garfield gasps]
Nice try, cat,
but I'm a little too observant for you.
[screaming]
Help!
We're going to the one place
he won't be able to chase us home!
He's not gonna give up, not unless
I can prove I didn't steal the ribs.
[Odie yips]
But in order to prove it,
I'd have to go out and investigate.
Oh, well. At least we're safe in here.
[girls] There's the kitty cat
and the puppy dog!
-Hello, little kitty cat!
-Hello, puppy dog!
No! Run, Odie! Run for our lives!
-[Drusilla] Puppy dog!
-[Minerva] Kitty cat!
[Drusilla] Hello, little kitty cat!
-I'm tired, too.
-[Minerva] Puppy dog!
-[Drusilla] Kitty cat!
-[Minerva] Puppy dog!
[both] Let's play dress-up!
I don't know
how you play dress-up, either.
But I'll bet you a year's worth
of lasagna, we'll hate it.
[both] Let's play dress-up!
-[Drusilla] Let's play dress-up!
-[Minerva] Let's play dress-up!
-[Drusilla] More make-up!
-I was right, we hate it.
[Minerva] That's very fashion forward.
[both] Let's play tea party!
And then we'll do their nails!
[Garfield] Come on, Odie!
Let's make a break for it!
-[gasping]
-Stop!
-[Odie howls]
-[Al] Excuse me, ladies.
Have you seen a fat orange cat
and a stupid-looking dog around here?
[Garfield] Hey, you're
no male model yourself.
Thanks.
You know,
this disguise thing isn't a bad idea.
[grumbling]
You don't have to be a girl for very long.
Only until we find out
who stole those ribs.
I just hope we don't run
into anyone we know.
[Nermal] Grrrr!
-Hello, ladies.
-Especially him.
So, I haven't seen you two before.
I'm Nermal, the cutest
and coolest kitty cat on the planet.
Oh, hello.
My name is Glenda.
And this is my friend, Odessa.
[Odie barks]
[clears throat] Me-oww.
You're kind of cute, Nermal.
But you're not as cute as that orange cat
who lives down the street.
-What's his name?
-You don't mean Garfield?
Oh, yes! Garfield!
Cutest, handsomest cat in the world!
Are we talking about the same Garfield?
All he does is eat all day.
I'm surprised he's not down
at the old railroad yard with Harry,
Hercules and Rottweiler.
They're lying around
eating barbecued ribs.
Ribs?
Stay away from those guys.
They are bad news.
Well, okay. See you later, Nermal.
Come on, Odie.
They're heading for the railroad yard.
[dogs eating, licking lips]
Delicious! Simply delicious!
Hey, I thought we were gonna save
some of these for later.
It is later.
I know how we can clear our names.
We'll put our disguises to use.
Yoo-hoo! Could you help
a couple of lost ladies?
Ptooey!
How can we be of assistance
to two lovely ladies?
Care for a barbecued rib?
Oh! I'd like you to take
those bones to someone.
Hey!
Uh, come this way.
Whoa!
Huh?!
[Garfield sighs]
Silly hairdo of mine!
[snarling]
It's Garfield!
Aww! He looks so pretty
in his cute widdle dress!
[chuckles]
Heh heh! That's such a good shade
of lipstick for him. Ha ha!
-[Odie humming]
-[dog snarling]
And this must be Odie!
Aw, he looks so adorable.
[Odie chuckles]
-Hmm.
-They were spying on us.
-[Odie whimpers]
-[dog chuckles]
Coming here, interrupting our rib-eating!
Guys, you wouldn't hit a lady.
-[clang!]
-We're trapped!
-Where'd this come from?
-Ohh!
Looks like I caught the culprits
who stole that man's barbecued ribs.
Never thought I'd be happy
to see the dogcatcher show up.
Right!
Guess I was wrong about that orange cat
and the mutt doing it.
These guys' owners will have
to bail them out and pay for the ribs.
I thought you two ladies might need help,
so I brought the dogcatcher.
Never thought I'd be glad
to see Nermal show up, either.
So, am I cooler than Garfield or what?
If you'd like,
you can reward me with a kiss.
-Wha
-Mwah!
[sighs]
Why, sure, Nermal. Close your eyes.
[smacking lips]
Ptooey!
Come on, Odessa!
This tacky railroad yard
is no place for a lady!
[laughing]
[sighs]
See you later, Nermal.
I didn't want to say anything,
but that cat lady
is almost as fat as Garfield.
[chuckles]