The Mayor (2017) s01e13 Episode Script
Death of a Councilman
1 I know you all may think this is an indulgence our city cannot afford.
But esteemed Council members, I say we deserve better.
[CLEARING THROAT.]
How he can sleep through this poetry? Beyond rude.
Disgusting, really.
You are playing a video game on your phone right now.
- [LASER NOISES.]
- Ahh.
With the volume on.
It's not a game, Val.
It's a strategy-based puzzle with goblins.
Oh.
Sorry.
I want the next generation to look back and say thank you thank you for turning this ugly cell tower into a tree.
So when you wake up and cast your vote, cast it for the future.
All those in favor of Mayor Rose's cellphone tower that I guess sort of looks like a tree? Councilman! - I'm just - Yeah, I'd [INDISTINCT MURMURING.]
Um Councilman Schweikert? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Keith.
K-man.
K.
Daddy.
Oh! [CROWD GASPING.]
- Oh, my God.
- Uh I think K-man is dead.
Okay, this seems like a natural stopping point.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I'm pretty sure Keith would agree.
[LAUGHS.]
Is that too soon? Please, strike that from the record.
Along with everything else he just said.
Oh, no, wait.
False alarm.
I hear him breathing.
[RELIEVED MURMURING.]
No, that's the A/C.
He is very much dead.
[8-BIT MUSIC SOUNDS.]
Well, that makes two of us.
This goblin was not messing around.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
He's dead.
Who dead? They want the mayor to keep quiet But that ain't the mayor you got Don't hate the mayor, hate the game REVEREND OKOYE: Greetings, beloved.
Please take this time to use the bathroom if you have to.
And open up those little loud candies.
And if you plan on vaping, please step outside.
This may not be the most tactful time to bring this up, but you know what this means, right? [SIGHING.]
Yeah life is short.
"No day but today.
" That's from "Rent.
" The "Hamilton" of the '90s? It's about a bunch of people who ain't pay their rent.
And AIDS.
It's mostly about AIDS.
No, guys, focus.
Keith's death equals an open seat on the city council.
There is gonna be a special election.
We need a candidate we can control.
Someone who supports our agenda because they believe in it.
Yeah, and someone who appreciates my speeches more than Keith.
I feed off the audience.
That guy was giving me nothing.
Dude, he was dead.
Look, we need that seat.
Unfortunately, Keith's widow, Claudine, is running.
[SOBBING.]
If that b-word wins, she's gonna vote against you, just like her dead husband.
- Clau Claudine - [SOBBING.]
Come on, now.
You're gonna tip it over, now.
Hold up.
Are you wearing the dead man's sweater? Hm? I mean, he may have died in it, but I am very much alive in it.
Thank you, Dina, for hosting our tenant meeting.
And thank you for the drinks.
A few more limes next time, maybe.
I didn't put out drinks.
You just helped yourself to my liquor cabinet.
I got bad news.
Landlord told me, effective next year, he is banning all large dogs.
Says if you can't carry it, you got to put it down.
- [GASPING.]
- What? I'm paraphrasing.
It's got to fit in a bag.
Well, how the hell is that fair? If it's a small dog or a giant dog, you still all paid the pet deposit.
He claims large pets damage common areas.
What common areas? We got a stairwell and a fake-ass plant.
Honestly, I don't blame him.
Can't say I'm gonna miss Seabiscuit over there.
Oh, I know you're not talking.
Okay, you guys, cut it out.
This is what Ivan wants.
He's trying to divide us.
He's trying to drive us out so he can jack up the rent.
We all need to stand up to that tyrant.
Well, I guess I could dress Idris up as one of those guys in a trench coat.
Get him a little hat and some shades.
Hold that thought, Jasmine.
Ooh, I can use a snack! Maybe some cheese.
[GASPS.]
A nice sub! Landlord said that the dogs had to be in a bag, but he did not specify the size of the bag.
Bam.
Ha-ha, we found a loophole! Come at me, landlord.
Come at us.
Dina, you have a gift.
You would be crazy not to use it to get this whole building up to code.
- Starting with my pipes.
- Huh.
The widow Claudine just dropped her campaign slogan, and it's brilliant.
COURTNEY: That is a statement.
Yeah.
We need someone to run against her ASAP.
Someone likable and charming and good with the constituents.
Yeah, someone who gets me, - someone I can trust someone - Mm-hmm.
who is a friend.
- Uh-huh.
- Interesting.
Also horrifying.
Say hi to the missus.
[LAUGHING.]
Tell her to stop feeding those raccoons.
I'm serious.
Trust me.
I have had rabies twice.
- All right.
Bye.
- If you like piña coladas And getting caught in the rain No.
- Yeah, no.
- Mnh-mnh.
T.
K.
, I think you should run for Keith's city-council seat.
Me? In one of the big chairs? Him? In the big chair? Yeah.
Think about it.
You'll be doing exactly what you're doing right now, just on a bigger scale.
Mm, I do love sitting.
I'm more a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
More Jazzy Jeff than the Fresh Prince.
I mean, sure, I do have fantasies.
Think about it.
People love you.
You are dependable, loyal, supportive.
There's not a restaurant in this city where I don't have a loyalty card.
And if you run, you'll have the mayor's endorsement.
- Uh-huh.
- Wow.
Which mayor? - Me.
- Oh, you meant mayor.
I thought you meant like mayor mayor.
But that's that's amazing.
And also, Val will run your campaign.
- What? Really? - Yeah.
Oh, no.
It's happening.
Campaign werewolf.
The rush.
The fever.
The last-minute scheduling changes.
Yep.
I'm in.
So what do you say, T? You know what, Courtney? If you believe in me, I believe in me.
I mean, with you by my side, I literally can't lose.
Look out, world, T.
K.
Clifton's about to dive into the race! Ohh! My Toshiba! Hey, um I understand why you chose T.
K.
and not me.
I'm a natural showman, no rough edges, and frankly, no time.
So thank you for not putting me in the awkward position of having to turn down this opportunity.
Yeah.
Hey, hey! T.
K.
Running for city council.
You mind signing? WOMAN: Oh.
Sure.
All right.
That's in.
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
- Yeah, no problem.
- Here you go.
[CHUCKLING.]
Hey, fellas! T.
K.
Clifton.
Want to sign a peti Just running for city council.
Okay.
Just gonna Ohh! T.
K.
: Oh, man! You know, I was nervous about running at first, but now that I got these signatures, you better watch your back in four years.
[CHUCKLES.]
I was just kidding.
I pledge my undying loyalty.
It'll be an honor to endorse you, my friend.
Okay.
Now let's see if Claudine is a registered sex offender.
- Girl, why? - What is wrong with you? Sorry, the campaign werewolf makes me do crazy things.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Glen, my good man! My signatures.
Please add me to the ballot.
Great.
Well, we just need two forms of ID.
Hold up! I got my signatures! Whoa.
Wait, Mom, what are you doing here? Running for city council.
Ah, of course she is.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Wait, what? Yep.
I've been organizing with the tenants in our building, and I love it! And I realized that politics must run in the Rose family blood.
Y'all are like the Kennedys without the shady parts.
Or the money.
Anyway, I wanted to surprise you.
Yeah, that's great.
And you did.
Um, but T.
K.
is also running.
He just turned in his signatures.
No, you know what? I can drop out.
Because, I mean, who would want to run against the woman they wish was their mother? You got my vote.
T.
K.
, you are not dropping out.
This is what democracy is all about.
Fair and open competition.
See you all on the campaign trail.
Come on, T.
K.
, we have to go woo people.
[CHUCKLES.]
Whoo! - This will be fun.
- Super fun.
I just got to know, who are you gonna endorse? Your mom? Or best friend? [SIGHS.]
Yeah Hey! Mom! Hold up.
Look, you know I support everything that you do.
But this is a little complicated.
Courtney, I love helping people.
And I'm good at it.
There are other ways of helping people, you know, like a crossing guard, - Walmart greeter.
- Zumba teacher.
Anything that does not involve you running against my best friend.
One of your best friends.
I didn't see T.
K.
holding your dreads back when you were puking at ReggaeFest.
- That's right.
- I'm a perfect candidate! I am Fort Grey! Well, not the gross parts down by the river.
They found all kinds of body parts down there.
Yeah, but I kind of promised T.
K.
my endorsement.
Oof.
Well, that's a dilemma.
I mean, you made a commitment.
And to T.
K.
of all people? He's like a brother to you.
See? Ma, I knew you would get it.
But see, here's the thing.
I'm not like your mother.
- I am your mother.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Mos before bros.
Man [SIGHS.]
Yo, can you believe th Jermaine Bridget LeForge.
Courtney's friend.
Known political operative.
What fresh hell is this? Two words campaign manager.
Two more LeForge Group.
Yet two more sign here? This is a napkin.
Okay.
I see your hesitancy.
Why the LeForge Group? Easy This campaign trail can be a rough road and you need somebody that's not afraid to get their hands dirty, bend a rule or three, and look delicious doing it.
Fine.
But I'm not signing a napkin.
Outstanding! Verbal contract! Less paperwork for my assistant! [CHUCKLES.]
Which is me.
I'm sorry, can I just take your baby just for one sec? [BABY-TALKING.]
Do you want to take a picture with this guy? [CHUCKLING.]
There you are! Now, are you sure I'm allowed to kiss this baby? [HUSHED VOICE.]
Yeah, just kiss the baby.
- Great.
- Hold her to cameras.
- Okay.
- Good.
And release.
All right! Hey, you got a little bit of syrup on you? And I thought you couldn't get any sweeter! Okay.
Here you go, ma'am.
- Wait, no.
- All right.
This is not my baby! Okay, I'll take that baby back.
Sorry about that.
There's your baby.
Hey, there's my biggest supporter! Mm! You know what? If you were a bra, you'd be a double-D pushup.
That's the biggest bra you can buy.
Larger sizes are special order.
You know, it's so hard for those women.
But T.
K.
Clifton's gonna change all that for you.
- T.
K.
- I know I asked you to run, but maybe this political thing isn't a great fit for you.
Well, that's what they said about this turtleneck, and look at me now.
Right.
But it's more than just pancakes and babies.
It's a lot of hard work.
And get ready to live your life under a microscope.
Every detail out there for the world to see.
Well, you know, I'm an open book.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
Are you sure you want to let people know that you've eaten cat food on more than one occasion? Ugh.
Okay, the first time, I thought it was tuna.
All I'm saying is it's a lot of work.
And there is no shame in dropping out.
Courtney! Excuse me.
Why are you trying to mess with my candidate's head? I know what you're trying to do.
You're testing my commitment.
You don't want to endorse a quitter.
Nor would I ask you to.
Rest assured, I am 100% committed.
Nay, 200%.
Val.
Get me another baby.
Okay.
- All right, lame-stream media.
- Courtney, let's talk endorsement rollouts.
We want to make the biggest splash.
I was thinking during the debate tomorrow.
Now, when describing T.
K.
Clifton, here are the approved campaign words to use.
There you go.
"Visionary.
Resourceful.
- Sensuous"? - That was a deal-breaker.
- He told me he'd walk if I didn't put it in.
- [CELLPHONE RINGING.]
Hello? Clifton for 2018.
No, I said 1,000 doves.
Well, if I wanted 900 doves, I would've said 900 doves! Excuse me.
T.
K.
, please don't touch that baby! [CONGREGATION HUMMING HYMNS.]
Which is why I urge you to vote for the candidate that will bring the spirit of the Almighty to this all-too secular chambers! - Hallelujah! - My choice.
God's choice.
I give you the righteous Dina Rose.
[APPLAUSE.]
Just completely ignoring the separation of church and state.
Come on, man.
Don't nobody care about that.
I have always looked to my faith to guide me when making difficult decisions.
So in a way, voting for me is like voting for Him.
And for the lady vote Or Her.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
It's Him.
We've saving you for the debate.
Space out our endorsements strategically God, mayor Will, Jada Willow, Jaden.
You know, just all the Smiths.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're trading calls.
I'm trading calls.
come on, now! Whoo! JERMAINE: All right! Who wants a T-shirt? - [CROWD GASPING.]
- Jermaine! What? Who doesn't like T-shirts? We don't throw things at people.
You hand them out! - The T-shirts are really nice.
- Hey, Rev.
You got a sec? - Yes, sir.
- Endorsement, baby boy! Endorsement.
Look, I know this isn't the usual confessional, but I could use some advice.
I'm in kind of a bind with the selection.
I promised to support my friend, who I convinced to run.
But as the Bible says, honor thy mother.
Who do I choose? I don't want to let either one of them down.
I see your dilemma.
[LAUGHING.]
You're [Bleep.]
.
Can reverends say that? Your endorsement could decide the winner.
The race is just that close, Courtney.
Yeah, you're right.
But what if one of the candidates was way out in front? Then my endorsement wouldn't even matter.
I mean, it's hard to be mad at someone for not giving them a meaningless endorsement.
Like an endorsement from "God.
" You know God doesn't care about interim elections.
I know exactly what I need to do.
Thank you.
What floor am I How damn high is this building? Mayor Rose.
What are you doing here? I'm here to help you win.
What's your angle? There is no reason why you should be in a three-way tie with a mail carrier and a guy who has eaten cat food on two separate occasions.
So, are you endorsing me? No.
I can't do that.
But I did look you up.
Claudine Mancuso-Schweikert.
You, my dear lady, appeal to every demographic mother, grandmother, gardener.
You do charity work.
You run your own small business, and you are the president of the HOA.
I believe that if we highlight those strengths, you could pull way ahead in this race.
Claudine Schweikert has withdrawn from the race for city council.
Someone just reminded me that my life is already so full.
I really don't have the "bandwidth," as my granddaughter would say, to take on such an important task.
Oh, great, I can get you to drop out.
Well, that leaves only two contenders T.
K.
Clifton and Dina Rose, who will be squaring off tonight in a debate.
[SIGHS.]
Good evening, and welcome to tonight's debate.
Let's begin with a 10-second introduction from the candidates.
I'm Dina Rose.
I delivered your mail, I delivered your mayor, and now, I'll deliver for you.
Just give up, Val.
She's already won.
Here, have a button.
- No.
- You want a button? - I do not want a button.
- Okay.
Hello.
I am Thaddeus Kyle Clifton.
I've had a lot of jobs in the past.
I was a mall masseuse.
My most recent job as your Director of Constituent Services has been the most rewarding.
Time! He went off book.
Let's get to the question on everyone's mind which one of these people so close to the mayor will he endorse? - Me.
- Me.
Oh, d-didn't he tell you yet? I'm sorry, baby, but I'm getting it.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, Dina Rose, you are a blessing.
All due respect, Miss Dina, I'm getting it.
I'm I'm getting it.
I'm getting it, ladies and gentlemen.
I will be getting the endorsement.
I have confirmation from a source that shall remain I had the child that's going to give me the endorsement.
Hold up.
Why guess when we can go to the man himself? - No.
No, no, no.
- Courtney, sit up.
Mister Mayor, where are you sitting? Mayor's right here! Over here! Ohh! - There's my baby! - Hello.
[MURMURING.]
Uh, hello.
It's very nice to be here.
[WHISPERING.]
More or less.
- Mister Mayor - Huh? let's settle this once and for all.
- Uh-huh.
- Who do you endorse? - Your longtime best friend - My man.
- or your mother? - Fruit of my womb! [MURMURING.]
You know, I don't think these lovely people of Fort Grey really want to hear my opinion, so best of luck to you both.
- I'd like to know.
- Yeah, I want to know too.
It's a simple question, Mister Mayor.
Who's it gonna be, sir? Yeah, who's it gonna be? [CHANTING.]
Who's it gonna be? [ALL CHANTING.]
Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? - What is this, a pep rally? - Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? I Mayor Courtney Rose officially endorse [CROWD GASPING.]
Cancel the balloons.
I said cancel the balloons.
- And we'll be back.
- Were we supposed to have balloons? - 'Cause I-I didn't - Shut up, T.
K.
Well, if it isn't Fort Grey's own Runaway Mayor.
Look, I need to talk to you.
But as Chief of Staff Val, not Campaign Werewolf Val.
Well, you know, once I wolf out, it's sort of hard for me to retract my claws.
I messed up.
Big time.
Yeah, you did.
And it looked bad.
It was a foolish and immature, cowardly Chief of Staff Val, can you help me fix this? Look, this whole thing happened because you couldn't make a decision.
As hard as it is, you just have to do something.
Take action, pick someone, and live with the results.
In other words, man up.
Sexist.
So just pick someone, Courtney.
And as Campaign Werewolf you know who I want you to pick.
Ouch! Those are the retractable claws.
- They hurt.
- Mm-hmm.
DINA: No, girl, you have a good day! And remember, vote Dina Rose, 'cause she delivers.
[LAUGHING.]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Hey, Ma.
Um, I have to tell you something.
Do I have to chase you out the door to hear it? [LAUGHS.]
Yes.
I'm sorry I embarrassed everyone at the debate.
Mainly yourself.
Well, I was scared to make a choice.
But I should've, and I've made it.
I love you, and I think you would make a wonderful councilperson.
Aw, baby.
But I have to endorse T.
K.
- Oh.
- I gave him my word, and I can't leave him out there hanging.
I hope you understand.
I do.
That is a noble and respectable decision.
While I respect and love my son, I do not seek his endorsement.
I would much rather win on my own merits and not lean on my relationship with the mayor.
That may work for some people, but that's just not the Dina Rose way.
Thank you.
I feel like that last part was a dig at me.
She just rolled us.
Yeah.
That was a baller move.
Nice job, Jermaine.
That was all Dina.
Though, per her LeForge Group client agreement, I will be taking full credit.
So, we still doing that press conference where you endorse me? Or should we just go get some tacos? I just want to say, this has been a crazy race, but I feel like Fort Grey wins with either one of you.
Well said, Courtney.
An equivocating coward to the end.
Okay, they're about to call it.
KSGY can now project that when all the votes are counted, the newest member of the Fort Grey city council will be Okay, no matter what happens, we're gonna handle this with grace and maturity.
Dina Rose.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Dina Rose is your winner, folks.
City councilwoman! Endorsement my ass! Yes! Hell yes! Congratulations, Mom.
[LAUGHING.]
Aw.
Not gonna lie, I am wallowing in the sads.
But if it wasn't me, I'm glad it was you, Miss Dina Rose.
I hereby concede the race to you.
Oh, baby, you don't have to concede.
They already announced that I won.
- Nevertheless, I concede.
- Stop conceding.
Can I steal you for a sec, - Madam Councilwoman? - Yeah.
As a public figure, you can never be too safe.
Allow me to brief you on the services provided by the LeForge Security and Protection Solutions.
Move your tiny body away from me.
A toast! To the Rose political dynasty! Mom, you know, in my heart, I always wanted to endorse you.
Oh, thank you, baby.
And just know that when I don't vote for your agenda, in my heart, I really wanted to.
Oh.
Hello, there.
I'm Jermaine LeForge, owner, CFO, CEO, COO, and style consultant for the LeForge Group.
With over 32 days of experience and an undefeated roster of candidate, the LeForge name is now synonymous with success.
But don't take my word for it.
Jermaine, you said this was an emergency.
I didn't agree to be in some damn commercial! You owe me gas money.
Another satisfied customer.
Remember LeStyle, LeSuccess, LeForge.
Le[Bleep.]
.
But esteemed Council members, I say we deserve better.
[CLEARING THROAT.]
How he can sleep through this poetry? Beyond rude.
Disgusting, really.
You are playing a video game on your phone right now.
- [LASER NOISES.]
- Ahh.
With the volume on.
It's not a game, Val.
It's a strategy-based puzzle with goblins.
Oh.
Sorry.
I want the next generation to look back and say thank you thank you for turning this ugly cell tower into a tree.
So when you wake up and cast your vote, cast it for the future.
All those in favor of Mayor Rose's cellphone tower that I guess sort of looks like a tree? Councilman! - I'm just - Yeah, I'd [INDISTINCT MURMURING.]
Um Councilman Schweikert? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Keith.
K-man.
K.
Daddy.
Oh! [CROWD GASPING.]
- Oh, my God.
- Uh I think K-man is dead.
Okay, this seems like a natural stopping point.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I'm pretty sure Keith would agree.
[LAUGHS.]
Is that too soon? Please, strike that from the record.
Along with everything else he just said.
Oh, no, wait.
False alarm.
I hear him breathing.
[RELIEVED MURMURING.]
No, that's the A/C.
He is very much dead.
[8-BIT MUSIC SOUNDS.]
Well, that makes two of us.
This goblin was not messing around.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
He's dead.
Who dead? They want the mayor to keep quiet But that ain't the mayor you got Don't hate the mayor, hate the game REVEREND OKOYE: Greetings, beloved.
Please take this time to use the bathroom if you have to.
And open up those little loud candies.
And if you plan on vaping, please step outside.
This may not be the most tactful time to bring this up, but you know what this means, right? [SIGHING.]
Yeah life is short.
"No day but today.
" That's from "Rent.
" The "Hamilton" of the '90s? It's about a bunch of people who ain't pay their rent.
And AIDS.
It's mostly about AIDS.
No, guys, focus.
Keith's death equals an open seat on the city council.
There is gonna be a special election.
We need a candidate we can control.
Someone who supports our agenda because they believe in it.
Yeah, and someone who appreciates my speeches more than Keith.
I feed off the audience.
That guy was giving me nothing.
Dude, he was dead.
Look, we need that seat.
Unfortunately, Keith's widow, Claudine, is running.
[SOBBING.]
If that b-word wins, she's gonna vote against you, just like her dead husband.
- Clau Claudine - [SOBBING.]
Come on, now.
You're gonna tip it over, now.
Hold up.
Are you wearing the dead man's sweater? Hm? I mean, he may have died in it, but I am very much alive in it.
Thank you, Dina, for hosting our tenant meeting.
And thank you for the drinks.
A few more limes next time, maybe.
I didn't put out drinks.
You just helped yourself to my liquor cabinet.
I got bad news.
Landlord told me, effective next year, he is banning all large dogs.
Says if you can't carry it, you got to put it down.
- [GASPING.]
- What? I'm paraphrasing.
It's got to fit in a bag.
Well, how the hell is that fair? If it's a small dog or a giant dog, you still all paid the pet deposit.
He claims large pets damage common areas.
What common areas? We got a stairwell and a fake-ass plant.
Honestly, I don't blame him.
Can't say I'm gonna miss Seabiscuit over there.
Oh, I know you're not talking.
Okay, you guys, cut it out.
This is what Ivan wants.
He's trying to divide us.
He's trying to drive us out so he can jack up the rent.
We all need to stand up to that tyrant.
Well, I guess I could dress Idris up as one of those guys in a trench coat.
Get him a little hat and some shades.
Hold that thought, Jasmine.
Ooh, I can use a snack! Maybe some cheese.
[GASPS.]
A nice sub! Landlord said that the dogs had to be in a bag, but he did not specify the size of the bag.
Bam.
Ha-ha, we found a loophole! Come at me, landlord.
Come at us.
Dina, you have a gift.
You would be crazy not to use it to get this whole building up to code.
- Starting with my pipes.
- Huh.
The widow Claudine just dropped her campaign slogan, and it's brilliant.
COURTNEY: That is a statement.
Yeah.
We need someone to run against her ASAP.
Someone likable and charming and good with the constituents.
Yeah, someone who gets me, - someone I can trust someone - Mm-hmm.
who is a friend.
- Uh-huh.
- Interesting.
Also horrifying.
Say hi to the missus.
[LAUGHING.]
Tell her to stop feeding those raccoons.
I'm serious.
Trust me.
I have had rabies twice.
- All right.
Bye.
- If you like piña coladas And getting caught in the rain No.
- Yeah, no.
- Mnh-mnh.
T.
K.
, I think you should run for Keith's city-council seat.
Me? In one of the big chairs? Him? In the big chair? Yeah.
Think about it.
You'll be doing exactly what you're doing right now, just on a bigger scale.
Mm, I do love sitting.
I'm more a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
More Jazzy Jeff than the Fresh Prince.
I mean, sure, I do have fantasies.
Think about it.
People love you.
You are dependable, loyal, supportive.
There's not a restaurant in this city where I don't have a loyalty card.
And if you run, you'll have the mayor's endorsement.
- Uh-huh.
- Wow.
Which mayor? - Me.
- Oh, you meant mayor.
I thought you meant like mayor mayor.
But that's that's amazing.
And also, Val will run your campaign.
- What? Really? - Yeah.
Oh, no.
It's happening.
Campaign werewolf.
The rush.
The fever.
The last-minute scheduling changes.
Yep.
I'm in.
So what do you say, T? You know what, Courtney? If you believe in me, I believe in me.
I mean, with you by my side, I literally can't lose.
Look out, world, T.
K.
Clifton's about to dive into the race! Ohh! My Toshiba! Hey, um I understand why you chose T.
K.
and not me.
I'm a natural showman, no rough edges, and frankly, no time.
So thank you for not putting me in the awkward position of having to turn down this opportunity.
Yeah.
Hey, hey! T.
K.
Running for city council.
You mind signing? WOMAN: Oh.
Sure.
All right.
That's in.
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
- Yeah, no problem.
- Here you go.
[CHUCKLING.]
Hey, fellas! T.
K.
Clifton.
Want to sign a peti Just running for city council.
Okay.
Just gonna Ohh! T.
K.
: Oh, man! You know, I was nervous about running at first, but now that I got these signatures, you better watch your back in four years.
[CHUCKLES.]
I was just kidding.
I pledge my undying loyalty.
It'll be an honor to endorse you, my friend.
Okay.
Now let's see if Claudine is a registered sex offender.
- Girl, why? - What is wrong with you? Sorry, the campaign werewolf makes me do crazy things.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Glen, my good man! My signatures.
Please add me to the ballot.
Great.
Well, we just need two forms of ID.
Hold up! I got my signatures! Whoa.
Wait, Mom, what are you doing here? Running for city council.
Ah, of course she is.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Wait, what? Yep.
I've been organizing with the tenants in our building, and I love it! And I realized that politics must run in the Rose family blood.
Y'all are like the Kennedys without the shady parts.
Or the money.
Anyway, I wanted to surprise you.
Yeah, that's great.
And you did.
Um, but T.
K.
is also running.
He just turned in his signatures.
No, you know what? I can drop out.
Because, I mean, who would want to run against the woman they wish was their mother? You got my vote.
T.
K.
, you are not dropping out.
This is what democracy is all about.
Fair and open competition.
See you all on the campaign trail.
Come on, T.
K.
, we have to go woo people.
[CHUCKLES.]
Whoo! - This will be fun.
- Super fun.
I just got to know, who are you gonna endorse? Your mom? Or best friend? [SIGHS.]
Yeah Hey! Mom! Hold up.
Look, you know I support everything that you do.
But this is a little complicated.
Courtney, I love helping people.
And I'm good at it.
There are other ways of helping people, you know, like a crossing guard, - Walmart greeter.
- Zumba teacher.
Anything that does not involve you running against my best friend.
One of your best friends.
I didn't see T.
K.
holding your dreads back when you were puking at ReggaeFest.
- That's right.
- I'm a perfect candidate! I am Fort Grey! Well, not the gross parts down by the river.
They found all kinds of body parts down there.
Yeah, but I kind of promised T.
K.
my endorsement.
Oof.
Well, that's a dilemma.
I mean, you made a commitment.
And to T.
K.
of all people? He's like a brother to you.
See? Ma, I knew you would get it.
But see, here's the thing.
I'm not like your mother.
- I am your mother.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Mos before bros.
Man [SIGHS.]
Yo, can you believe th Jermaine Bridget LeForge.
Courtney's friend.
Known political operative.
What fresh hell is this? Two words campaign manager.
Two more LeForge Group.
Yet two more sign here? This is a napkin.
Okay.
I see your hesitancy.
Why the LeForge Group? Easy This campaign trail can be a rough road and you need somebody that's not afraid to get their hands dirty, bend a rule or three, and look delicious doing it.
Fine.
But I'm not signing a napkin.
Outstanding! Verbal contract! Less paperwork for my assistant! [CHUCKLES.]
Which is me.
I'm sorry, can I just take your baby just for one sec? [BABY-TALKING.]
Do you want to take a picture with this guy? [CHUCKLING.]
There you are! Now, are you sure I'm allowed to kiss this baby? [HUSHED VOICE.]
Yeah, just kiss the baby.
- Great.
- Hold her to cameras.
- Okay.
- Good.
And release.
All right! Hey, you got a little bit of syrup on you? And I thought you couldn't get any sweeter! Okay.
Here you go, ma'am.
- Wait, no.
- All right.
This is not my baby! Okay, I'll take that baby back.
Sorry about that.
There's your baby.
Hey, there's my biggest supporter! Mm! You know what? If you were a bra, you'd be a double-D pushup.
That's the biggest bra you can buy.
Larger sizes are special order.
You know, it's so hard for those women.
But T.
K.
Clifton's gonna change all that for you.
- T.
K.
- I know I asked you to run, but maybe this political thing isn't a great fit for you.
Well, that's what they said about this turtleneck, and look at me now.
Right.
But it's more than just pancakes and babies.
It's a lot of hard work.
And get ready to live your life under a microscope.
Every detail out there for the world to see.
Well, you know, I'm an open book.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
Are you sure you want to let people know that you've eaten cat food on more than one occasion? Ugh.
Okay, the first time, I thought it was tuna.
All I'm saying is it's a lot of work.
And there is no shame in dropping out.
Courtney! Excuse me.
Why are you trying to mess with my candidate's head? I know what you're trying to do.
You're testing my commitment.
You don't want to endorse a quitter.
Nor would I ask you to.
Rest assured, I am 100% committed.
Nay, 200%.
Val.
Get me another baby.
Okay.
- All right, lame-stream media.
- Courtney, let's talk endorsement rollouts.
We want to make the biggest splash.
I was thinking during the debate tomorrow.
Now, when describing T.
K.
Clifton, here are the approved campaign words to use.
There you go.
"Visionary.
Resourceful.
- Sensuous"? - That was a deal-breaker.
- He told me he'd walk if I didn't put it in.
- [CELLPHONE RINGING.]
Hello? Clifton for 2018.
No, I said 1,000 doves.
Well, if I wanted 900 doves, I would've said 900 doves! Excuse me.
T.
K.
, please don't touch that baby! [CONGREGATION HUMMING HYMNS.]
Which is why I urge you to vote for the candidate that will bring the spirit of the Almighty to this all-too secular chambers! - Hallelujah! - My choice.
God's choice.
I give you the righteous Dina Rose.
[APPLAUSE.]
Just completely ignoring the separation of church and state.
Come on, man.
Don't nobody care about that.
I have always looked to my faith to guide me when making difficult decisions.
So in a way, voting for me is like voting for Him.
And for the lady vote Or Her.
[HUSHED VOICE.]
It's Him.
We've saving you for the debate.
Space out our endorsements strategically God, mayor Will, Jada Willow, Jaden.
You know, just all the Smiths.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're trading calls.
I'm trading calls.
come on, now! Whoo! JERMAINE: All right! Who wants a T-shirt? - [CROWD GASPING.]
- Jermaine! What? Who doesn't like T-shirts? We don't throw things at people.
You hand them out! - The T-shirts are really nice.
- Hey, Rev.
You got a sec? - Yes, sir.
- Endorsement, baby boy! Endorsement.
Look, I know this isn't the usual confessional, but I could use some advice.
I'm in kind of a bind with the selection.
I promised to support my friend, who I convinced to run.
But as the Bible says, honor thy mother.
Who do I choose? I don't want to let either one of them down.
I see your dilemma.
[LAUGHING.]
You're [Bleep.]
.
Can reverends say that? Your endorsement could decide the winner.
The race is just that close, Courtney.
Yeah, you're right.
But what if one of the candidates was way out in front? Then my endorsement wouldn't even matter.
I mean, it's hard to be mad at someone for not giving them a meaningless endorsement.
Like an endorsement from "God.
" You know God doesn't care about interim elections.
I know exactly what I need to do.
Thank you.
What floor am I How damn high is this building? Mayor Rose.
What are you doing here? I'm here to help you win.
What's your angle? There is no reason why you should be in a three-way tie with a mail carrier and a guy who has eaten cat food on two separate occasions.
So, are you endorsing me? No.
I can't do that.
But I did look you up.
Claudine Mancuso-Schweikert.
You, my dear lady, appeal to every demographic mother, grandmother, gardener.
You do charity work.
You run your own small business, and you are the president of the HOA.
I believe that if we highlight those strengths, you could pull way ahead in this race.
Claudine Schweikert has withdrawn from the race for city council.
Someone just reminded me that my life is already so full.
I really don't have the "bandwidth," as my granddaughter would say, to take on such an important task.
Oh, great, I can get you to drop out.
Well, that leaves only two contenders T.
K.
Clifton and Dina Rose, who will be squaring off tonight in a debate.
[SIGHS.]
Good evening, and welcome to tonight's debate.
Let's begin with a 10-second introduction from the candidates.
I'm Dina Rose.
I delivered your mail, I delivered your mayor, and now, I'll deliver for you.
Just give up, Val.
She's already won.
Here, have a button.
- No.
- You want a button? - I do not want a button.
- Okay.
Hello.
I am Thaddeus Kyle Clifton.
I've had a lot of jobs in the past.
I was a mall masseuse.
My most recent job as your Director of Constituent Services has been the most rewarding.
Time! He went off book.
Let's get to the question on everyone's mind which one of these people so close to the mayor will he endorse? - Me.
- Me.
Oh, d-didn't he tell you yet? I'm sorry, baby, but I'm getting it.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, Dina Rose, you are a blessing.
All due respect, Miss Dina, I'm getting it.
I'm I'm getting it.
I'm getting it, ladies and gentlemen.
I will be getting the endorsement.
I have confirmation from a source that shall remain I had the child that's going to give me the endorsement.
Hold up.
Why guess when we can go to the man himself? - No.
No, no, no.
- Courtney, sit up.
Mister Mayor, where are you sitting? Mayor's right here! Over here! Ohh! - There's my baby! - Hello.
[MURMURING.]
Uh, hello.
It's very nice to be here.
[WHISPERING.]
More or less.
- Mister Mayor - Huh? let's settle this once and for all.
- Uh-huh.
- Who do you endorse? - Your longtime best friend - My man.
- or your mother? - Fruit of my womb! [MURMURING.]
You know, I don't think these lovely people of Fort Grey really want to hear my opinion, so best of luck to you both.
- I'd like to know.
- Yeah, I want to know too.
It's a simple question, Mister Mayor.
Who's it gonna be, sir? Yeah, who's it gonna be? [CHANTING.]
Who's it gonna be? [ALL CHANTING.]
Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? - What is this, a pep rally? - Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? I Mayor Courtney Rose officially endorse [CROWD GASPING.]
Cancel the balloons.
I said cancel the balloons.
- And we'll be back.
- Were we supposed to have balloons? - 'Cause I-I didn't - Shut up, T.
K.
Well, if it isn't Fort Grey's own Runaway Mayor.
Look, I need to talk to you.
But as Chief of Staff Val, not Campaign Werewolf Val.
Well, you know, once I wolf out, it's sort of hard for me to retract my claws.
I messed up.
Big time.
Yeah, you did.
And it looked bad.
It was a foolish and immature, cowardly Chief of Staff Val, can you help me fix this? Look, this whole thing happened because you couldn't make a decision.
As hard as it is, you just have to do something.
Take action, pick someone, and live with the results.
In other words, man up.
Sexist.
So just pick someone, Courtney.
And as Campaign Werewolf you know who I want you to pick.
Ouch! Those are the retractable claws.
- They hurt.
- Mm-hmm.
DINA: No, girl, you have a good day! And remember, vote Dina Rose, 'cause she delivers.
[LAUGHING.]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Hey, Ma.
Um, I have to tell you something.
Do I have to chase you out the door to hear it? [LAUGHS.]
Yes.
I'm sorry I embarrassed everyone at the debate.
Mainly yourself.
Well, I was scared to make a choice.
But I should've, and I've made it.
I love you, and I think you would make a wonderful councilperson.
Aw, baby.
But I have to endorse T.
K.
- Oh.
- I gave him my word, and I can't leave him out there hanging.
I hope you understand.
I do.
That is a noble and respectable decision.
While I respect and love my son, I do not seek his endorsement.
I would much rather win on my own merits and not lean on my relationship with the mayor.
That may work for some people, but that's just not the Dina Rose way.
Thank you.
I feel like that last part was a dig at me.
She just rolled us.
Yeah.
That was a baller move.
Nice job, Jermaine.
That was all Dina.
Though, per her LeForge Group client agreement, I will be taking full credit.
So, we still doing that press conference where you endorse me? Or should we just go get some tacos? I just want to say, this has been a crazy race, but I feel like Fort Grey wins with either one of you.
Well said, Courtney.
An equivocating coward to the end.
Okay, they're about to call it.
KSGY can now project that when all the votes are counted, the newest member of the Fort Grey city council will be Okay, no matter what happens, we're gonna handle this with grace and maturity.
Dina Rose.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Dina Rose is your winner, folks.
City councilwoman! Endorsement my ass! Yes! Hell yes! Congratulations, Mom.
[LAUGHING.]
Aw.
Not gonna lie, I am wallowing in the sads.
But if it wasn't me, I'm glad it was you, Miss Dina Rose.
I hereby concede the race to you.
Oh, baby, you don't have to concede.
They already announced that I won.
- Nevertheless, I concede.
- Stop conceding.
Can I steal you for a sec, - Madam Councilwoman? - Yeah.
As a public figure, you can never be too safe.
Allow me to brief you on the services provided by the LeForge Security and Protection Solutions.
Move your tiny body away from me.
A toast! To the Rose political dynasty! Mom, you know, in my heart, I always wanted to endorse you.
Oh, thank you, baby.
And just know that when I don't vote for your agenda, in my heart, I really wanted to.
Oh.
Hello, there.
I'm Jermaine LeForge, owner, CFO, CEO, COO, and style consultant for the LeForge Group.
With over 32 days of experience and an undefeated roster of candidate, the LeForge name is now synonymous with success.
But don't take my word for it.
Jermaine, you said this was an emergency.
I didn't agree to be in some damn commercial! You owe me gas money.
Another satisfied customer.
Remember LeStyle, LeSuccess, LeForge.
Le[Bleep.]
.