The Sopranos s01e13 Episode Script

Okay, we know what we're gonna do.
Till the government indicts, anyway.
Jimmy? This answers your concerns? I think a lot of good ground was covered.
Okay, i guess that's it.
All right.
You know, you better get the tickets.
I got'em already.
Don't worry.
Fuck, the rangers are gonna lose anyway.
You're right, it's him.
All of a sudden, he asks for a meeting to discuss shit we already covered.
He's wearin' a wire.
You got my okay.
Make sure you send a message to everybody else.
Done.
See you later.
Who was it that told me you hated fuckin' russians? Ah, the two needle pricks junior brought around to pound my ass were russian.
For a while i was bitter.
But tony'sgoumada is russian.
You couldn't ask for a nicer person.
These two tonight are friends of hers.
I got enough cologne on? You smell like paco rabanne crawled up your ass and died.
Oh, easy for you to say.
I don't get young ones like before.
Well, you're gonna be glad i got you out of bed tonight.
Russian boo- boo's, you go for some basic foreplay, they'll detail your car.
How's the hygiene over there? I don't know.
This is here.
You didn't even let me put anything decent on.
Here we are.
Hi, elena, baby.
How are you? Hey, okay.
Is tatiana here? I'll go get her.
You are jimmy? Yeah, that's right.
I'm jimmy.
Oh! My man! Big tits, little feet.
A hit in any man's league.
Have a seat.
Fuckin' punk- ass pieces of shit.
- Did you forget i'm a captain? - Why don't you call for help in your radio mike? - You fuckin' rat.
- Mother of god! - What's the matter? Not wearin' one tonight? - Nah.
- He didn't have time to put on anything decent.
- God! Come on.
Stop.
I want to watch.
- Kiss me.
- Ha- ha, georgia o'keefe.
Was that your back gate? Hmm, it's probably nothing.
Come here.
That's what people always say in these creepy movies.
And the last thing i need is your parents come home and your dad sees my dominican ass.
Seti- i- imia! Jesus fuck! I just saw my grandmother go by the window.
How'd she get here from her nursing home? Settimia! Cakey! Tell my sister to open the door.
Grandma, it's me.
Anthony, junior.
Well, you've got whooping cough.
- Get yourself under the vaporizer.
- Holy shit.
- Hey, what do you want, lady? - Go away.
I will never speak another word to you again, settimia.
Grandma, aunt settimia's dead.
It's me, meadow.
Facia bruta! Grandma, it's meadow, remember? Come sit down.
Yes.
Meadow.
Ohh! I can't stay in this house, honeybunch.
Not while thatfacia bruta is in here.
Come on, grandma.
Let's go see who it is.
- Evening.
How are we tonight? - Make my sister get out of the house.
It's 1:00 a.
M.
, dear.
Why were you walking on mountain avenue at this hour? Shut up.
We got a complaint from your neighbors of a woman wandering.
- She's my grandmother.
- Hi, grandma.
Ahh! How are you? - Ow, shit! - you know this young man? Of course.
He's-- he's my- my grandson.
And is this your house, dear? Where was she trying to get to? Schrafft's.
She's being retested for alzheimer's.
It's been a long odyssey with your mother, hasn't it? Oh, these last 500 years just seemed to race by.
Listen to me.
- It's okay.
- - let it out.
- They're transferring her to the nursing unit.
Which is the thing that she dreaded and feared.
Isn't it interesting how this memory loss has cropped up right after you failed to be killed in the carjacking? - You think it was a carjacking? - Course not.
But i got an idea who was behind it, and 'nuff said.
- You don't want to go there.
- Maybe you don't want to go there.
What are you talkin' about? Well, let's track it.
Right around the time of the shooting, you were having hallucinations of that isabella figure? The "protective, loving" mother? Your subconscious was shouting something at you.
On the day before the shooting, you said to me that she kept going on yet again about news stories of mothers throwing their babies out of windows.
Why don't we put our fuckin' cards on the table here? Wh- what do you think, my mother tried to have me whacked'cause i put her in a nursing home? In your worst dreams, a duck flies off with your penis.
- Castration.
- Hey, my mother never went after my basket.
No, not literally.
Look, ordinarily a patient is helped to make his own breakthroughs.
But your life is in danger, so okay, i'm willing to put the cards on the table.
I say what your mother has, at the very least, is what we call borderline personality disorder.
A borderline personality disorder? Let me read to you from the d.
S.
M.
- Iv, okay? Definitions of the condition? "A pattern of unstable relationships.
Affective instability.
" It means intense anxiety, a joylessness.
These people's internal phobias are the only things that exist to them.
The real world, real people are peripheral.
These people have no love or compassion.
Borderline personalities are very good at splitting behavior, creating bitterness and conflict between others in their circle.
You twisted fuckin' bitch.
That's my mother we're talkin' about, not some fuck up in attica stabbed you in the shower.
Relax.
See, we're through, you and i.
We're finished.
And you're lucky if i don't break your fuckin' face in 50, 000 pieces.
Okay.
I mean, let's face it, jackie's work is what killed him.
All thatagita brought on the disease.
But his reign was peaceful.
This shooting with tony-- suppose my jackie hadn't died of cancer.
Who knows how his life would have ended? Look at angie bompensiero.
A fuckin' shell since pussy disappeared.
Ladies, compliments of the house! Buccetin"matriciana.
Artie, you want a pair of hippos to walk outta here? That's imported pancetta in there! You gonna hate me, artie, if i say i like this place better than the old vesuvio? A few bugs to be ironed out.
And the one in your salad, that was a freak occurrence.
My produce man, he's the most expensive in the area.
The insurance really came through! - Yes, it did.
- Carm, what do i hear about tony's mom? - Chiara was talkin' to meadow in school.
- Yeah, looks like alzheimer's.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Aw, i've known mrs.
"s" since-- she's always been a-- an individualist, should we say? Huh? But she's a real pistol.
What a character! - Aw, poor tony.
- Yeah, he's beside himself.
He's got a lot on his plate.
The attempted carjacking-- - hey, well-- - i'll let you eat.
Okay.
Enjoy! Thanks, artie.
Oh, my god, look who's here! What? You hiding back here? Your best friend's on table 12.
When are you gonna bury the hatchet? Arthur, i love carmela like a sister.
We just don't want this place to become another mob hangout like the old vesuvio.
Get it into your head that a certain amount of that kind of patronage creates "buzz.
" Artie, that kind of buzz we should avoid in droves.
Sh- it! - Your first time here? - The dellacroces gave me a gift certificate.
It's part of artie's opening promotion.
- You will notbelievethe food.
- That's what i hear.
Although they'd have to be doing something pretty special back there to trump you two ladies at the spice rack.
I was over at carmela's the other night, ro.
We had somezabaglion'that-- well, now, of course, we did make it together.
But everybody was just raving about it.
Please, you made it, basically.
I only wish tony had taken me up on my offer to talk to him about the carjacking.
- Well, that makes two of us.
- Yeah.
Well, i better get seated and order.
No, wait, wait.
Stay here.
Take a load off.
Yeah.
H- how's the watch, father phil? Oh, it's fantastic.
I realized this morning i can set one of the dials to the millennial countdown.
- Well, i haven't done it yet.
- Is that jackie's watch? Thanks again, ro.
Mr.
Soprano was kind enough to come with us.
Yeah, when you threatened to wait until my kids got home.
I'm sure agent harris explained that there's something we'd like you to hear.
The springsteen boxed set.
I already got it.
- You know agent grasso, i believe? - Yeah, how are you doin'? Have a seat.
As we both know, there's been an attempt on your life.
You have enemies.
I'd say it's a safe assumption that you may have finally run out your string here in north jersey.
The lovely agent harris and i have had this conversation.
I'll pass.
You haven't heard what's on the tape.
Play it, 'cause i don't give a fuck what's on it.
I understand you and agent grasso had an interesting colloquy about our, uh, shared heritage.
- Colla- who? - You and i are notcompare, tony.
You on the one hand, me and agent grasso on the other, even though our ancestors all hailed from the same sunny peninsula.
What the fuck is your problem? But we do share some cultural ideas.
Religious, culinary, matriarchal-- maybe we can motivate you to testify.
Why don't you get the kumquats out of your mouth and get to the fuckin' point, because i don't know what you're talkin' about.
Boy, anthony must've really gotten under your collar.
Admit it.
You're lookin' to crack hiscoglionifor puttin' you in here.
I- i don't know what you're talkin' about.
Yeah.
And i'm playin' shortstop for the mets.
A psychiatrist.
He's been seein' one for a while now.
God only knows what he says.
You wired green grove.
You must have taken me for an idiot.
It was my idea.
Everyone else thought it was a waste of money.
My cousin cakey, after he had his lobotomy, looked exactly like my son.
Livia-- empty, a shell.
Better cakey had died than go on living like that.
That's what his own mother always used to say.
What are you talking about, meetings? Well, who, for christ's sake, livia? All of them.
Raymond.
- Larry.
- Three of my capos have their mothers in this place? If this is true, livia, you know what i-- i mean, i'm the boss, for christ's sake.
If i don't act-- blood or no-- i have to.
Mrs.
"s.
" How are you? You remember me? Arthur bucco? That's right.
- Victoria's boy! - That's right.
Yeah, you and my johnny used to play little league together.
No, johnny was yourhusband.
But you're right about the little league.
- That was me andtony.
- My son.
That's right.
Yeah.
Aw, gee, what's the matter with me? - How are you? - Well, how are you, arthur? Never been better.
It's a nice room.
Lots of sun! Yeah.
Oh, sit down.
How's your mother? - You call her every day? - Mom passed away.
Really? When? About six months ago.
Please, give her my regards.
Is she still on that crazy diet? I, uh, i brought you something.
Um, from my restaurant.
- I don't know if you remember vesuvio? - Oh, of course i do.
That was way back when your dad had it.
Good for you! Yeah, i got a new restaurant.
Here you go.
Gavadel! With the nice duck ragout.
Homemade.
It's northern.
Oh, northern.
Mrs.
"s," what's the matter? - Is it something i said? - you're a good boy, arthur, comin' to visit me.
We go back a ways.
You made a mean p.
B.
And j.
After what my son did to you-- oh, how can i look you in the face? Tony? What did he do now? Y- you don't blame him for setting the fire? Well, you're a bigger man than some.
Well, we should all be grateful that nobody was incinerated to death.
Altieri's wake is tonight.
I phoned in a bomb scare.
You know, that's over the top.
It was junior and mikey that definitely took out the hit.
- Start things movin'.
- Not like we didn't know.
- How did you find out for sure? - No room for interpretation.
Minchia.
"T," i'm sorry.
Your own uncle.
Now, let's do it right.
Act normal.
Plan things out.
- Make no mistakes.
- If i'm your uncle, i gotta finish what i started.
He can strike first.
Yeah, and he won't use boys 2 menthis time.
- He'll go with what he knows.
- Chucky signore.
No, mikey's now too high up.
So, chucky's gotta disappear without settin' off any alarms.
I just passed my coast guard tests.
"T.
" anything else? My ear hurts.
Here.
One of mine.
It'll help you sleep.
What kinda person can i be, where his own mother wants him dead? The problem is not with you.
That woman is a peculiar duck.
She always has been.
Yeah, but that's not the point.
She's gotten worse with age.
You think my mother didn't warn me about her on my wedding night? Please, don't start with that again.
Your sisters left new jersey so young you would have thought there were contracts out on them! I know.
But you were different.
You tried to make it work.
Two pricks with nine millimeters.
My self- esteem is nonexistent right now.
Well, i could kill her.
With these two hands.
The next time i see her, it's gonna be-- you gotta play "the concerned daughter- in- law.
" You gotta stay even- keeled, for the sake of the business.
Fuck the business! And let me tell you something, tony, dollars to donuts this alzheimer's thing is an act, so she can't be called on her shit.
Uncle jun and i, we had our problems.
With the business.
But i never should have asked him about eatin' pussy.
This whole war could have been averted.
Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this! You had to see a shrink because of the mother you had.
When i look at the guys now, all i feel is humiliation.
I'll take care of my uncle.
And i'll take care of mikey "p.
" And i'll get some satisfaction.
But inside, i'll know.
Ton'! Jesus christ, relax.
- What the fuck you doin' here? - Takin' thestugatz.
- Puttin' it in the marina next door.
- No shit.
Look at this baby i caught right off the point here.
- Just wait a minute.
Wait.
All right, wait.
- Oh, no! No! - Look, look, i need to talk to you! - No! Come on! I'm dialing 9- 1- 1.
Because you've given me no choice.
Come on! If anything happens to me, they're gonna hear everything.
Look, you wanna talk, we'll go down to the coffee shop.
- Plenty of people around.
- Emergency services.
May i help you? Hey! I need to talk to you.
Do i have your word that i'm in no physical danger? Yes.
I am humbled that you would take my word.
Yes.
- What? - Aw, fuck me.
Yes! You've got my word! Emergency services.
State the nature of your emergency.
Come on! Hello? Hello? Oh, god! I take no pleasure in the fact that i was right about your mother.
You have any dreams since you heard the f.
B.
I.
Tapes? No.
Some sex dreams.
Involving-- my neighbor.
Jeanne cusamano.
- Go on.
- Well, we're doin' it, doggie- sty-- - you know jeanne.
- That's okay.
Go on.
I'm doin' her doggie- style.
And i finish, you know, and her big ass is-- oh, look, we don't got time for this shit.
It's interesting that you would say a big ass, 'cause jeanne is quite slender.
We got bigger things to talk about than jeanne cusamano's ass.
Like feelings of worthlessness, sparked by your mother's plot to have you killed? One of the reasons that they tried to have me clipped is'cause i'm seeing a shrink.
- You.
- Oh.
Uh.
You know that patient- doctor conversation is privileged, and i couldn't testify against anybody.
Well, maybe they know that, and maybe they don't.
Either way, they're using it as a fuckin' excuse.
You never mentioned any of your associates by name! All except for that, uh, one fellow, uh, booty? - Pussy.
Pussy! - Pussy, booty-- i don't know his last name! And look, anything concerning your uncle junior-- all right, shut the fuck up a minute.
You're in danger.
Get outta here! That's not fair! Fair? What are you talking about, fair? They don't give a shit about fair.
Okay, what am i supposed to do? Leave town.
Today.
Right now.
I'm gonna get some guys here to stay with you until you get on a plane.
I can't just do that! Lam it! - I have a life! I have patients! - Tell'em august came early.
It doesn't work that way.
I have patients who are suicidal.
They're not gonna feel any better about their life if you get clipped.
- Jesus fucking christ! - Look, i know.
I'm sorry, okay? I'm gonna work on this problem with the people that pose a threat to you, and i'll take care of it, and you'll be able to come back.
My god.
People are gonna get murdered, aren't they? Don't worry about distractions.
You keep your eye on the ball.
- I know what you're thinkin'.
- You have no idea what i'm thinking.
You're thinkin' you're gonna go to the cops! But you can't give them anything.
Don't be stupid.
Even in the short term.
Get the fuck out of town.
You been a good doctor to me.
Thank you.
Artie, how's your rash? - What the fuck are you doin'? - How could you? - How the fuck couldyou-- - you took their money? Good, then do it.
Do it, 'cause i don't give a fuck anymore.
That restaurant was like my child.
So they got in your ear.
Three generations of buccos sweated over that same stove.
Even your mother treasures the memory of vesuvio.
My mother? Oh, don't say she's lying, ton.
Because why would she? What'd she tell you, my mother? Don't make it worse.
Do me the respect of not treating me like a fuckin' idiot piece of shit.
When you blew up the restaurant, you made me party to a criminal conspiracy.
Did you ever stop to think about that? I don't know what she told you, my mother-- of all people-- two arson investigators gave that fire a clean bill of health, artie.
- Why the fuck would i blow up your restaurant? - To help me! You fuckin' bent psycho.
You hear your uncle's gonna hurt my business by stagin' a hit in my place, and that's your solution? To burn it down for the insurance money! What kind of stupid, sick, twisted logic? All right.
Ask yourself a question: Am i that fuckin' stupid? Huh? Am i that fuckin' stupid? Really? My mother, god bless her, is goin' senile, artie.
- I mean, you saw.
- I loved my new place so much.
And this ruins everything.
I swear to god i didn't touch your place, artie.
My mother was confused.
Look me in the eye.
Tell me you didn't lay a finger on my place.
I didn't burn down your restaurant.
I swear on my mother.
Take it easy! What the fuck are you doin'? Come on.
Look out! You could-- it's good we can get together, you know, for our regular sunday dinner.
Or somebody's nose could get out of joint.
Joint! You've got to admit it, ma, it's a nice nursing unit where they let you be signed out for family occasions.
I don't have to admit anything.
- I gotta leave in ten minutes.
- Meadow! Well, i don't want dessert, and i have to study with hunter.
- Is this pork cooked? - kids are growin' up.
Gonna be out of the house soon.
- Even goo- gootz over there.
- If you believe she's going to study, - i got a bridge to sell you.
- I read last week in the paper about this family in "saint luis" obispo.
In california.
That whole family died of trichinosis.
That's uncooked pork.
That was last year.
That same family.
Listen to him.
He knows everything.
So, uncle jun, what do you hear from your lawyer on the big thing? Hey, on and on it goes.
Ma, don't you agree they should not talk business at the table? What's goin' on in your little corner of the world? - Such as? - I don't know.
The state of the union? So, i hear artie bucco came to see you.
Who is artie? - Friend of mine, from elementary school.
- he owns a restaurant.
They had a little fire in it.
He came to see me? Where? Wh- where-- where are we talkin' about? Here? I've lost faith in everything.
You moved away from god quite some time ago, though.
Is it fair to say it's not just this recent crisis? Yeah.
Back in high school.
Maybe before.
I- i bring the kids here on holidays, but my mind wanders.
I juststare at the stained glass, people's hats-- i'm full of rage, father.
Murderouswhatever urges.
I don't just hate this man.
I hate all men.
I hate life.
Have you talked with your wife? I can't.
Why? Oh, what it would do to her.
She's been through so much.
Charmaine's a strong woman.
Anyway, she's going to find out in the course of the investigation.
I, uh-- i didn't go to the insurance company.
Why not? Well, legally, what if i'm wrong? I could get hit with a defamation suit.
Arthur, you know what your heart is telling you.
I think the only reason you haven't told charmaine is because you know she'll insist you go to the police immediately.
And this will jeopardize your restaurant.
Everything.
You must be strong.
All due respect, father, you're getting off the subject.
Sorry i'm fuckin' late.
Okay.
I need to tell you something.
And i want you should hear it from me, not from some asshole in the street.
About four or five months ago, i started seein' a psychiatrist.
You know, i was passin' out, and uh, they couldn't find nothin'.
She's been helpin' me with that.
Okay, come on.
Give it to me! Give it to my face.
Well, i'm sure you did it with complete discretion.
And, uh, speakin' for pussy, if he's still alive, i'm sure he would agree.
Business was not discussed.
No names were mentioned.
Junior knows.
He's decided to use it against me.
Ask now.
'Cause we're not discussing this again.
It's not the worst thing i ever heard.
I was seein' a therapist myself about a year ago.
I had some issues.
Enough said.
I learned some copin' skills.
Look, uh, this thing of ours, the way it's goin'-- it'd be better if we could admit to each other, uh, these are painful, stressful times.
But it'll never fuckin' happen.
What about you? You got a problem with this? Uh-- what was it like, marriage counseling? Yeah, like that.
Sort of, yeah.
The contra commandant was trying to scare us priests.
That's so dangerous down there.
Mm! Aw-- oh, the fresh basil really adds to it.
Mm- hmm.
Mm- hmm.
Yeah? Mm.
Oh, father, you got a little-- mm, thanks.
mess here.
You want a little bit? No, please.
I have so much at home.
And so, how are the twins, rosalie? We should start with, "would you like a cocktail, or see the wine list?" Yeah, sure.
I'll do it however you like.
On my other job, the waiters usually do the cocktail solicitation, but if you want, i'll do it as i seat them.
Good.
Great.
Thanks! All right.
She catches on fast, that one.
Very conscientious.
She's workin' two jobs, to become a music manager.
Whatever that is.
Everything is goin' so good.
The new exterminators? I got faith.
The owner is portuguese.
They're sticklers.
I feel so wonderful we're up and running again.
Oh, you said you had something to tell me.
I like the bar stools.
You're in a good mood today, dad.
And if chucky calls, you get me on the cell phone.
Ho! You hear me? Yeah, okay.
I think that i heard you, already.
Go take a midol.
Nipps.
Nipps! Jeez.
Bad boy! - You prick! - yeow! Motherfucker! Ow! You son of a bitch! Oh, come on.
Please.
Please.
Come on.
Come on! Oh, come on! Come on, please! Please! Fuckin' poison ivy all over.
My friend brendan, you shot him in his bathtub naked.
- No chance to run.
- No! I swear to god! - It wasn't me, it was junior.
He hated that kid.
- Yeah, right.
It was junior.
- Mister magoo.
- Oh, come on! Please! Please, please.
I can feel it itching me already! Corrado soprano? F.
B.
I.
Fuck.
Are you lawrence barese? Aw, what the fuck.
Go on.
Joseph sasso, you're under arrest.
Fuck.
Junior soprano, alleged boss of the new jersey crime family that bears his name, was indicted today on federal racketeering charges.
F.
B.
I.
And local police-- talk about fuckin' timing.
- He's lucky he's still alive.
- along with lawrence "larry boy" barese, ailing alleged underboss joseph "beppy" sasso, and Oh, my god.
It's uncle junior.
Yeah.
Look at the old guy.
Makin' him do the perp walk.
- A legitimate businessman.
- Dad, cut the crap.
Go blow- dry your hair.
These indictments are part of an ongoing investigation, stretching back nearly four years.
They represent the most crippling blow to mob activities in the new jersey area since the early 1980s.
Uncle junior got busted.
Cool.
Not seized today, although named in the indictments, was alleged soprano enforcer and loan sharking chief, michael "grab bag" palmice.
Authorities believe palmice may have fled the new jersey area, acting on prior knowledge.
Oh, lucky him! Earlier today, palmice's wife denied any knowledge of her husband's whereabouts.
Yeah, he was, uh, he was so happy.
He was going out to try out these new running shoes.
You know, he told me that he loved me, and that he would be right back! - I can't-- all right, go.
Come on.
Go eat somewhere else.
Coming up next, rain from canada.
Hello.
Yeah, counselor, thanks for gettin' back to me so quick.
He says it's a broad indictment that sounds better for the feds than it really is.
I wasn't named'cause the focus of the investigation is some telephone calling card scam that junior and larry had goin', and this diamante technical stock thing that i wasn't into.
Thank god.
That prick altieri gave them reams of shit.
They got stuff on me, they got stuff on all of us from the surveillance at the green grove.
They just don't have a case yet.
"An ongoing investigation," the d.
A.
Said.
They always say that to make it sound good.
But this is no fuckin' joke.
What i gotta worry about now is the guys that got pinched today, if they flip.
All right.
Good work.
Art! Hello.
How are things? Good, father.
Busy! Yeah! You? Like the man said, "rust never sleeps.
" Listen, father-- i want to thank you for taking the time out to talk to me the other day.
Ahh.
Did you bring your wife into things? No.
No? Sitting there in the house of god, i realized you can either be a "yes" person or a "no" person.
A positive ion or a negative ion.
I- i'm not quite sure i get what you're saying.
It's just that this woman's always been an odd bird, a sea of negativity.
Even as a kid, we all learned to take her ravings with a grain of salt.
But you also said the son was unstable.
Complicated? Yes, he is.
Little too comfortable outside the law? Yes, he is.
But it would only add to the quotient of sorrow in the world to doubt him.
When the source, unfortunately, is a person who rarely has a kind word for anyone.
Hmm.
You seem at peace.
I am, father.
Thank you again, father.
Sure.
Okay, artie.
Do you prefer "corrado" or "junior"? I prefer "mr.
Soprano.
" Your tenure as boss was a short one.
Actually, it was unusual in several ways.
Let me put this to you as simply as i can.
You can avoid sentencing on these charges if you will testify that, in fact, you were not the boss of north jersey; that, in fact, your nephew, anthony soprano, wasandis.
Thathe, de facto, controlled your capos with the backing of two of the new york families, communicating through their emissary, john sacrimoni.
We want johnny sack.
But more than him, we want mangano and teresi.
I wanna fuck angie dickinson.
See who gets lucky first.
We want you to corroborate information that we obtained through informants and wire tap that you were allowed to profit, more or less, but you were not making policy, and you were not in the new york loop.
You were positioned to take the hits, and now you've taken them.
Question is, how long are you gonna keep eating shit? You're 70 years old.
How many years you got left? My nephew running things? Not thatstrunz.
Not in this life.
Hey! Here, let me schlepp that.
You got any more in the car? Mm- mm.
How did you get in here? Liliana.
She said to tell you that she left early.
So, what they're sayin' on the tv about the storm that's headed this way, huh? Yeah.
You want some coffee? Only if you're makin' it.
Father, don't start that.
No, really.
I mean, it's practically the cocktail hour anyway.
- Would you rather have a glass of wine? - How about a lillet? You in the mood? Just came to check on you guys, see how you're holding up with these indictments.
We're hangin' in.
Oh.
So, what we were talking about, a few months back-- think any of these recent developments have brought tony any closer to reexamining his life? Making some hard choices? I told her she was not to use my card again.
No, that's mine.
One true thing, just out on dvd.
I was over at video one anyway, i thought maybe you might want to take your mind off these stressors.
You want to stay for dinner? - Something wrong, carm? - Just tell me so i know how many steaks to defrost.
- Tony's not gonna make it.
- Well, if-- you know, as i was saying, my real concern for tony-- father, he doesn't give a flying fuck.
You know it and i know it-- at least for the foreseeable future.
Then that's even a bigger reason to-- he's a sinner, father.
And you come up here and you eat his steaks, and you use his home entertainment center-- carmela, the dvd is for you.
Really? Even after just last week i told you i'm not a big renee zellwegger fan.
You did? I- i don't remember that.
You wanna watch one true thing, fine.
At least admit it.
I d-- i thought you liked movies.
Mea culpa.
Jesus, you know, i get exactly the same "who, me?" shit with tony.
Two i don't need.
"Has tony thought about changing?" Father, please.
You do think i'm a schnorrer, don't you? A- a- a parasite.
I asked you that before and you denied it, but clearly that's what you think.
No.
You know what i think, father? I think that you like the-- i don't even know what to call it-- the, uh,"whiff" of sexuality that never goes anyplace.
I had feelings for you, carmela.
I admitted it.
It's my job to deal with them so i can carry on my pastoral duties.
How does rosalie aprile fit into your feelings for me? Oh, so that's it.
I really appreciate everything that you've done for me, father phil, truly.
The religious counselling, the book on buddhism, the wonderful chats-- i am very fond of you.
More than fond.
But i think you need to look at yourself.
Call this an intervention.
Because i think you have this m.
O.
Where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women, and i think a lot of it is tied up with food, somehow, as well as the sexual tension game.
Whoa.
Oh, mr.
Soprano? Your wife found you.
Good.
Found me? What are you talking about? You haven't spoken? We left a message on your home machine.
Your mom's had a stroke.
Stroke? The news on tv yesterday, it really upset her.
Not that it's any of my business.
Anyhow, it just happened.
The e.
M.
T.
's are stabilizing her for the ride to st.
Vincent's.
Ma.
I know what you did.
Sir, please-- your only son.
Your middle child.
- She can't answer you.
Her speech center's been affected.
- Yeah, my ass.
Heard the tapes, ma.
The fuckin' f.
B.
I.
Tapes.
Don't tell me you don't know-- hey! George clooney, don't get in the fuckin' middle of this.
Mr.
Soprano-- alonzo, call security.
Uncle jun's in jail now.
And i got one last detail i gotta take care of.
Mr.
Soprano! I didn't tell you, i don't die that fuckin' easy, ma.
I'm gonna live a long, happy life, which is more than i can say for you.
That's enough! Yeah? Keep her moving.
Keep moving.
- I try to do right by you.
You try to get me whacked? - She doesn't understand you.
She smiled! Look at the look on her face! Go look at the look on her face.
She's smiling.
Get off me.
Off me.
Look at her face! She's got a fuckin' smile on her face! All right, that's enough.
She go vacation! Dad, give it up.
We're not gonna make it to aunt patty's.
Dad, hello.
We're not gonna make it to aunt patty's.
Why did i buy a goddamn off- road vehicle? To waste petrochemical resources? She's right.
We can't keep drivin' in this.
I can hardly see in front of us here.
What street are we on? I think it's walnut parkway.
I got an idea.
Come on, come on.
Inside.
It better be open.
Forget the umbrella.
Come on.
Artie, thank christ.
We went to pick up the kids at school because of the buses and all.
We can't get to the house.
There's a huge tree across mountain avenue.
Oh, marrone.
We been driving around since 7:00.
Nobody's eaten nothing.
Ton, i got no power, no lights-- i'm closing as soon as these last few people leave.
Let's go to mickey d.
's, they'll be open.
All right, let's go.
Let's go.
No! Come on! What do you-- come on! We'll figure out something.
Come on.
They gave me steroids, too, but it fucked me up.
Yeah, well, keep away from me when i ski, all right? Hey, look at this.
Hey, what are you doing, ton? Hey, squirt.
How are you doin', pal? Adriana, you look beautiful.
How are you doin'? - How are you? - chiara, her brother and sister, are back in the kitchen if you want to say hello.
More refugees.
The gas is still workin'.
I been cookin' by candlelight.
I can make anything on the menu except-- - whatever you got is fine.
- Jose! Cabernet, por favor.
- Regaleali, right? - Yeah.
Beautiful.
No cigars, please.
Look at that fuckin' lovesick pygmy over there.
The skip seein' a psychiatrist-- how's that sit with your ass? I usually do sit with my ass.
Why don't you sit with yours? Hey! Pat cooper over here.
Wait a minute.
This bothers you? Yousawa fuckin' psychiatrist.
Not a woman.
I can't get past that.
It don't compute for me.
You're the one with the fuckin' issues.
Womanissues.
Ah, i don't even wanna fuckin' go there.
Well, let's not.
Irregardless, i said my piece.
What are you gettin' at, paulie? Nothin'.
Look, he's gonna be their new boss now.
In name, in everything.
Wish himbuona fortuna.
You guys have any peanut butter back here? You gotta be kidding.
Oh, god, artie, you saved our friggin' lives here.
It's beautiful, artie.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
- Ah, fuck! - Hey! You said "frig.
" All right, wait a minute.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To my family.
Someday soon, you're gonna have families of your own.
And if you're lucky, you'll remember the little moments.
Like this.
That were good.
Cheers.