Turbo FAST (2013) s01e13 Episode Script
Karmageddon - Chet Gets Burned
1 [engine revvs.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [men chattering.]
[Tito.]
Next! - One numero cinco for you, señor.
- Thanks, Tito.
You guys having a convention or something? [chuckles.]
Yeah, I wish.
We gots work on the 405, repainting ten miles of traffic lines.
The whole freeway's closed from 6:00 to 7:00.
- There won't be a car in sight.
- [gasps.]
An empty freeway? [up-tempo music.]
- Looking good, buddy.
- Thanks, Cloud-Turbo.
[Tito.]
Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! [tires screech.]
Slow down! [tires screeching.]
Ay! What am I gonna do with all this grated cheese? Free cheese quesadillas for everyone! [men cheering.]
Skidmark! Can you do a quick tune-up on my racing shell? I want to be in top shape by 6:00, when the freeway shuts down.
I'll only have an hour, so I really wanna make it count.
I thought you were gonna be on Tell Mel tonight from 6:00 to 7:00.
The talk show! Oh! I forgot! You were great last time.
[soft music.]
Mel Shellman here.
Now, Turbo, have you talked to Guy Gagné since the 500? - No.
- Would you be surprised if I told you he was waiting backstage to come out here and apologize? - Yes.
- Me too.
Is he? Nope.
I'm told he's not.
Sorry, Turbs.
Talk shows need someone to talk to.
It's barely even a talk show.
There's no audience, and I'm pretty sure his camera is made of cardboard.
[sparks fizzling.]
Say, Skidmark, how would you like to be Mel's guest tonight? Seriously? Yeah, sure! I've got lots of things the world needs to hear.
[spooky music.]
- It's not too much trouble? - Turbo, it would be my pleasure, - in exchange for a small favor.
- Name it.
You know the old satellite dish on top of Bobby's Hobbies? I need it.
- For what? - One word: tracking flying saucers.
- That's three words.
- Not if you say 'em real fast! Anyway, if you can get the dish for me, I can finish in time to cover for you on Mel's show.
Wait.
Finish what in time for what? Ask yourself this: do you really wanna know? You know, I really don't.
One satellite dish coming up.
[clock beeping.]
Small favor, my eyestalk.
[music.]
[straining.]
[exclaims.]
[thudding.]
[Turbo grunting.]
Oof! That's it? Come on! Oh! This is gonna take forever! Unless Chet! I need to borrow the shellicopter.
- The shellicopter? What for? - It's a long story.
So I loan you a valuable, extremely dangerous snail helicopter, but I don't get to know why because it's a long story? [inhales, talks rapidly.]
So the freeway's closing, but only for an hour, and I really wanna race it, but I said I'd be on Mel Shellman's show.
But Skidmark said he'd cover for me, but I have to get the TV dish off the strip mall roof so Skidmark can track flying saucers.
But the dish is too heavy to pull, so I need to airlift it, - so I need the shellicopter! - Got you.
The copter is yours, brother.
- Thanks.
- Ah-ah-ah! With one small proviso.
- Yeah? - I've got a ton of work on my plate today.
But I also told Burn I'd take her on a gum-collecting date.
Without the shellicopter, I won't have time for both, so Done.
I'll cover for you at work so you can take Burn on her date.
Oh, no! I want you to go with Burn.
What?! Come on, Chet.
It's just gum.
- She can't wait till tomorrow? - Have you ever met Burn?! Of course she can't wait! If she runs out of gum Well, I wouldn't want to be in my shell.
No gum, no shellicopter.
Ugh! All right, whatever it takes.
You're on.
Oh, you're the best, brother.
The date's at four.
Bring a spork.
A spork? [clock beeping.]
- This is where you get your gum? - Yeah.
It's a great selection.
Now, you wanna chip away any dirt or lint when you scrape, and be sure to look out for dead bugs.
[insect buzzes.]
Later, I'll show you how to tell yellow gum from boogers.
- Hey, where are you going? - I promised Chet I'd help you get gum, and that's what I'm gonna do.
- But I'm getting you new gum.
- Hold up.
They make new gum? Seriously? It comes in wrappers, from a store.
Never been stuck on a bench.
It's Wait, are you crying? [sobbing.]
That sounds amazing.
You really think you could get some? Burn, I'll get you a whole pack.
Anything to avoid this.
- I gotta run.
- Wait! See if you can get asphalt flavor.
That's my favorite.
Uh I'll try.
[spork pops.]
[clock beeping.]
[engine revving.]
OK, I gotta get some gum, get the shellicopter, fly the dish to Skidmark, and then I [tires screeching.]
Wait a sec.
How am I gonna get bubble gum? I don't even have any money.
Or a wallet.
Or pockets.
OK, think, Turbo.
Think! [mid-tempo hip-hop beat plays.]
[exclaiming.]
- Whoa, sorry, Smoove.
- It's OK.
What's the rush, T-Bo? - I gotta find gum for Burn.
Ah! - What kind of gum you need? Fruit-flavored? Fresh-breath mint? Those tingly crystals cost extra.
Tingly what-nows? Smoove, what are you talk Mm! [snails chattering indistinctly.]
I'm talking gum, baby.
You need it, and my guy's got it.
- You've got a guy, for gum? - I got a guy for everything.
My gum guy's the best.
Any kind you need.
That's great! I need asphalt flavor.
- But there's a catch.
- [muffled.]
Of course there is.
See, this guy doesn't just give gum away, and I already sort of, kind of owe him something.
If you can pay back my debt, I'll get you all the gum you can chew.
It's almost 4:30! You got my satellite dish yet? - I'm working on it! - OK! - OK, what do you owe this guy? - You gotta go to [murmuring.]
- and get [murmuring.]
- Seriously? You owe him that? Believe me, I know.
It's taken me forever to track it down.
[groans.]
I just wanted to race on the freeway.
Smoove, I don't think I can get him that all by myself.
I'm gonna need some help.
[clock beeping.]
You need my help? For what? [inhales, talks rapidly.]
Well, the 405 freeway is gonna be closed, but only for an hour [audio squealing.]
satellite dish.
[audio squealing.]
She may be eating boogers! [audio squealing.]
So I have to pay back what Smoove owes this guy, so I can get the gum for Burn, so I can race the 405 before it opens at 7:00! [exhales.]
Say no more, garden snail.
It's a noble cause.
It's actually like four noble causes by now.
Well, I got your back.
This thing we need for Smoove, what is it? [whispering indistinctly.]
Oh! I didn't even think that was a real thing! I know.
But if I don't get it in the next hour, I can kiss the freeway goodbye! We can't do this all by ourselves.
We're gonna need help.
- Big help.
- Hmm Burn needs gum.
Smoove has guy.
Guy has gum.
Turbo needs gum from guy.
But But he needs to get something for Smoove's gum guy first.
What sort of something? [both whispering indistinctly.]
[gasps.]
Oh! - Ah! - Oh! [all.]
Oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! - Oh! - Ohh It'll take all our skills just to get close to it.
We might not make it back alive! [tires squealing.]
[both panting.]
That was crazy! Whoo! I can't believe we made it out in one piece! That's gotta be the toughest stunt we've ever pulled.
- Whew! But we did it! - Whoa, Turbo.
Look at the time.
[clock ticks.]
[gasps.]
The freeway! [horns honking.]
[wind blowing.]
- It's closed! - You better get moving! You only got an hour! [tires screech.]
Wait, don't you guys want anything in return for helping me? Oh, Turbo, I want the most precious gift of all.
What, Shadow? Your your [clock ticks.]
- your friendship.
- Done.
What about you? Oh, I'm sure I'll think of something later.
Now, get moving! [clock beeping.]
Psst! Psst! - We happy, Smoove? - Oh, yeah.
We happy, baby.
My gum guy's gonna love it.
Hey, gum guy! [laughing.]
Here you go.
Mm! It lights up every time you open it! I love it! Here! Take all the gum you need! [giggles.]
[Turbo grunting.]
All for you, my dear.
To make up for skipping our date earlier.
Oh, baby, you shouldn't have.
[smacks kiss.]
It was nothing, Boo.
You won't even have to pre-chew it for me.
Chet, the shellicopter.
Please! [clock beeping.]
Almost there.
Almost there.
- [ticking.]
Come on, come on.
- Almost there! Stop! [Chet clears throat.]
It's talk show time, Skid.
And now, I gotta run! If the aliens land on the freeway, tell them Skidmark says [gibbering loudly.]
[engine revving.]
Only three minutes left! Come on, come on! [tires screeching.]
[clock clangs.]
Oh, you gotta be kidding me! It's 7:00 already?! - Why so glum, garden snail? - We're too late.
All that running around, all those favors, all that gum, for nothing! Maybe, but not in the way you're thinking.
"The 405 will be closed from 6:00 p.
m.
to 7:00 a.
m.
"? - Tomorrow morning! - You didn't have an hour.
You have the whole night.
And I get to cash in my favor.
[engine revs.]
- Which is? - To race! You think I'm letting you hog the freeway for yourself? Get ready for the greatest straightaway ever.
Hope you're not too tired.
I don't plan on carrying you.
I'm just getting warmed up.
[engines revving.]
[music.]
[tires screeching.]
Wait a sec! I could have done Mel's show after all! Oh, don't sweat it.
I'm sure Skidmark's having a blast.
[laughing.]
No, Mel, the moon landings were actually real.
It's the Moon that's fake.
[recording of crowd gasping plays.]
Who said that? The voices from my head have escaped? We need to find them and stop them before it's too late! [crashing.]
Some fascinating remarks from Mr.
Mark.
We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.
What? Oh, I am told we will not.
[helicopter blades thwacking.]
Park: no land sharks.
Check.
Movie theater: not on fire, nobody shouting "fire.
" Check.
So this radioactive spider bite lets him climb walls, but he doesn't grow eight legs? Please! You know, it's based on a true story, according to me, who has nothing to base that on.
We better hurry over to Burn's party.
If we're late, she'll spit gum on - Chet! - [shouting.]
What? Am I on fire? - No! What are you doing here? - Checking the roof for tarantulas.
And putting together Burn's birthday party, right? What?! [up-tempo music.]
[noisemaker honks.]
[yelling.]
Oof! - Wow, he literally blew a gasket.
- Oh, no! It's today! - How could you guys not remind me? - Us remind you? Burn's only been dropping massive hints for, what - I don't know, weeks! - The Pacoima Grand Prix? - We'll be busy that night.
Right, Boo? - Huh? There's nothing I like better than Mexican food, except big crazy parties! - Right, Boo? - Huh? What's a 21-letter word for something I better get on my birthday - next week on Thursday? - Huh? You said "big, crazy surprise party," right, Boo? OK, in retrospect, maybe I should have known.
Don't worry, you still have seven minutes to make it right.
[explosion.]
Gaskets aren't cheap, Chet! [all.]
Surprise! [splat.]
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Really.
- I've been planning it for weeks! - Oh, yeah? So you're saying you didn't just make these decorations from toilet paper? Or find these presents in a parking lot? - No! No! - He found them under the Dumpster! [metal clanks.]
- And the cake? - Don't eat that! [crunching, spits.]
Is made of dirt?! [worm shrieks.]
He used real frosting, give him that.
Chet, you threw this party together in five minutes, didn't you?! - I most certainly did not! - He threw it together in seven minutes! [growling.]
- Oh, this is gonna be good.
- Popcorn? This is pathetic, Chet! You knew I was looking forward to a big, crazy surprise party, and you forgot! In my defense, I didn't forget, I just didn't pay attention.
What?! And I told you how much I was looking forward to it! In my defense, you did tell me, but I didn't listen.
- So you just don't care! - Boo! No! In my defense In my defense, I am not dating a man who doesn't know me well enough to give me the birthday I deserve! We are breaking up, right now! - Skidmark, you're my new boyfriend! - Okeydokey.
What? Honey-boo-pie? Skidmark? What just happened?! [balloon sputters, pops.]
[melancholy music.]
- [sighs.]
Good times.
- Come on, Chet.
Life's too short to wallow in your own misery.
I'm good with wallowing, thanks.
Hmm I heard, "You're right, brother, let's go out into that great, big world and get some air!" [Chet.]
But I wallow best indoors! So, new boyfriend, you wanna go on the swan boats? - Actually, I wanna go to space.
- Swan boats it is.
- Will you please cheer up, Chet? - No.
Everything reminds me of her.
Especially her! [honking.]
[growling.]
[gulps.]
Now I get to see how happy Burn is without me.
Hi, Chet.
Hope your lovely day isn't being utterly devastated - by the sight of me with a real man.
- A real man? Where? As it happens, it actually is.
As it happens, Chet is doing just fine.
- In fact, Chet's got himself a real woman.
- Eh? Oh, he does, does he? So where is this real woman? Well, Chet just met her on the, uh on the Internet.
Which is why she's not here yet.
She's on her way from French.
From French? You're going with that? - Canada.
She's French-Canadian.
- That's right.
Yes, exactly.
You didn't let me finish.
Um, and she makes, um Sculptures.
From lint? - Floss! Dental.
- Candy.
Candy-floss.
Is that a thing? And boy is she a hottie-pants! Whoo! [chuckling.]
Hot, hot pants.
Yeah.
Really? OK, I'll bite, Chet.
What's the name of this new hottie-pants girlfriend? Her name is, um Uh, Girlfriend Mc Hottiepants! - Girlfriend McHottiepants? - Oh, I think it's great! Très original, mon frère! Well, while you wait for this very real-sounding Girlfriend McHottiepants, I'll be at the Caterpillar Carnival, because my boyfriend is taking me tonight.
- And we're gonna have the best time ever.
- We are? Cool! - Thanks a lot! - Hey, what's a brother for? Besides drawing on your face while you're asleep? That's you? [groans.]
Never mind! This is all your fault! Couldn't let me wallow, and now Burn thinks I have a real girlfriend, and I don't! How are we gonna fix this? [carnival music.]
[rock music.]
Next.
Next.
Next.
On break! [all groan.]
[wolf whistle.]
Ring a bottle, win a prize! Nobody ever does, but you can't lose if you don't play.
[glass breaking.]
Hey, hey, hey [munching, slurps.]
Well, hello there, Miss [horse neigh.]
- Oh, sweet fancy ketchup, no! - [silently.]
Keep it down.
Remember, my name is Girlfriend McHottiepants.
And my name is "Years in Therapy.
" You know, funny story, the haunted house really is haunted, - but not by ghosts, by its past! - You're so interesting.
Please stop talking.
Oh, hello, Chet! Is this? [falsetto.]
Girlfriend McHottiepants, visiting from French-Canadia.
Isn't Chettie just adorablicious? Oh, I brought you a candy-floss sculpture, Boo-Bear.
Aw, come on, Hottie, you're embarrassing me.
[chuckling.]
Seriously, you're weirding me out.
I just hope no one I know sees me.
- Can you see him OK? - Best seat in the house, homes.
Hey, McHottiepants! You forget your hot and your pants at home? [both cackling.]
- [Whiplash.]
Pantsless! - So you think you're gonna have a better date with Hottiepants here than me and my boy? Oh, Burnie-Poo, this isn't a competition.
But Chettie and I are gonna date your doors off! Date my what? It is so on, McHottiepants! Um, Girlfriend? Uh, what are you - Stuff it, Chet! - Stuff it, Chet! [carnival music.]
- Win me a carnival prize.
- You know, it's built to be impossible.
That's what they don't want you to not think.
[zapping.]
[ring clanking.]
Ooh! Oh, really? [carnival barker.]
Spin the wheel! Win a prize! [up-tempo music.]
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
[yelling.]
There's nothing more romantic than a ride on the Ferris wheel.
Hey! Wake up! Keep your hands inside the bucket.
No spitting.
- Can you hear angels singing? - Along with the other voices.
[blows raspberry.]
[angry groan.]
[both yelling.]
Oh, you think we can't make some excitement, too? Time for some afterburn! - Cheese doodies? - Don't mind if I do.
[ride clicking.]
[falsetto.]
Out-fun us, will they? Chet, let's go 200 miles per hour on the bumper cars! Sure, there'll be injuries, some permanent, but Enough! This McHottiepants thing is not working! [Whiplash.]
Oh, no, McHottiepants is workin' it, all right! Well, not working like it was supposed to, but Look, brother, I don't want to make Burn unhappy.
I just want her back.
I need to talk to her.
Well, that seems like a much simpler plan.
Allow me.
[zapping.]
[tires screech.]
- Well, hello there, McHottiepants.
- Skid, it's Turbo.
Well, all right then, Turbo McHottiepants.
- Boo, I want to apologize.
- Oh, really, Mr.
"I Can't Be Bothered To Remember My Girlfriend's Birthday.
" - Oh, sweetie.
In my defense - Talk to the flame, 'cause the Burn ain't listening! [engine blasting.]
[clicking.]
[all screaming.]
[all.]
Oh! Uh, guys? Stop watching and start rescuing?! [Whiplash.]
Well, we are out of cheese doodies.
[tires screech.]
[Ferris wheel squeaking.]
[engines revving.]
OK, Boo, I admit it! I did forget your birthday, and I'm so sorry! Oh, Boo, that's all I wanted to hear! Also, that's not really my girlfriend.
- That's Turbo in a wig! - I know! I said I wanted a big, crazy birthday, so you went to crazy, I mean really, really crazy, lengths to make it happen! It was your plan all along! Right, Boo? - Well, actually - [record scratches.]
Shh! I'm trying to give you an out, Boo.
Take it! Um of course, that was my plan all along.
- You like it? - Baby, it's perfect.
Hang on! We'll get you outta there! No need, brother! I'm gonna give my girl the most crazy-amazing birthday she could ever ask for! [both yelling.]
[yelling.]
[helicopter engine revving.]
Best birthday ever! [1950s doo-wop music plays.]
It's not over yet, sweetie.
Let's go buzz some jet planes at LAX.
- Now, that is love.
- Strange, dangerous love.
Which one of you is gonna pay for that wheel? [falsetto.]
Oh, dear me, I have no idea how that could have possibly - Not buyin' it.
- [normal voice.]
Yeah, I'll write you a check.
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [men chattering.]
[Tito.]
Next! - One numero cinco for you, señor.
- Thanks, Tito.
You guys having a convention or something? [chuckles.]
Yeah, I wish.
We gots work on the 405, repainting ten miles of traffic lines.
The whole freeway's closed from 6:00 to 7:00.
- There won't be a car in sight.
- [gasps.]
An empty freeway? [up-tempo music.]
- Looking good, buddy.
- Thanks, Cloud-Turbo.
[Tito.]
Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! [tires screech.]
Slow down! [tires screeching.]
Ay! What am I gonna do with all this grated cheese? Free cheese quesadillas for everyone! [men cheering.]
Skidmark! Can you do a quick tune-up on my racing shell? I want to be in top shape by 6:00, when the freeway shuts down.
I'll only have an hour, so I really wanna make it count.
I thought you were gonna be on Tell Mel tonight from 6:00 to 7:00.
The talk show! Oh! I forgot! You were great last time.
[soft music.]
Mel Shellman here.
Now, Turbo, have you talked to Guy Gagné since the 500? - No.
- Would you be surprised if I told you he was waiting backstage to come out here and apologize? - Yes.
- Me too.
Is he? Nope.
I'm told he's not.
Sorry, Turbs.
Talk shows need someone to talk to.
It's barely even a talk show.
There's no audience, and I'm pretty sure his camera is made of cardboard.
[sparks fizzling.]
Say, Skidmark, how would you like to be Mel's guest tonight? Seriously? Yeah, sure! I've got lots of things the world needs to hear.
[spooky music.]
- It's not too much trouble? - Turbo, it would be my pleasure, - in exchange for a small favor.
- Name it.
You know the old satellite dish on top of Bobby's Hobbies? I need it.
- For what? - One word: tracking flying saucers.
- That's three words.
- Not if you say 'em real fast! Anyway, if you can get the dish for me, I can finish in time to cover for you on Mel's show.
Wait.
Finish what in time for what? Ask yourself this: do you really wanna know? You know, I really don't.
One satellite dish coming up.
[clock beeping.]
Small favor, my eyestalk.
[music.]
[straining.]
[exclaims.]
[thudding.]
[Turbo grunting.]
Oof! That's it? Come on! Oh! This is gonna take forever! Unless Chet! I need to borrow the shellicopter.
- The shellicopter? What for? - It's a long story.
So I loan you a valuable, extremely dangerous snail helicopter, but I don't get to know why because it's a long story? [inhales, talks rapidly.]
So the freeway's closing, but only for an hour, and I really wanna race it, but I said I'd be on Mel Shellman's show.
But Skidmark said he'd cover for me, but I have to get the TV dish off the strip mall roof so Skidmark can track flying saucers.
But the dish is too heavy to pull, so I need to airlift it, - so I need the shellicopter! - Got you.
The copter is yours, brother.
- Thanks.
- Ah-ah-ah! With one small proviso.
- Yeah? - I've got a ton of work on my plate today.
But I also told Burn I'd take her on a gum-collecting date.
Without the shellicopter, I won't have time for both, so Done.
I'll cover for you at work so you can take Burn on her date.
Oh, no! I want you to go with Burn.
What?! Come on, Chet.
It's just gum.
- She can't wait till tomorrow? - Have you ever met Burn?! Of course she can't wait! If she runs out of gum Well, I wouldn't want to be in my shell.
No gum, no shellicopter.
Ugh! All right, whatever it takes.
You're on.
Oh, you're the best, brother.
The date's at four.
Bring a spork.
A spork? [clock beeping.]
- This is where you get your gum? - Yeah.
It's a great selection.
Now, you wanna chip away any dirt or lint when you scrape, and be sure to look out for dead bugs.
[insect buzzes.]
Later, I'll show you how to tell yellow gum from boogers.
- Hey, where are you going? - I promised Chet I'd help you get gum, and that's what I'm gonna do.
- But I'm getting you new gum.
- Hold up.
They make new gum? Seriously? It comes in wrappers, from a store.
Never been stuck on a bench.
It's Wait, are you crying? [sobbing.]
That sounds amazing.
You really think you could get some? Burn, I'll get you a whole pack.
Anything to avoid this.
- I gotta run.
- Wait! See if you can get asphalt flavor.
That's my favorite.
Uh I'll try.
[spork pops.]
[clock beeping.]
[engine revving.]
OK, I gotta get some gum, get the shellicopter, fly the dish to Skidmark, and then I [tires screeching.]
Wait a sec.
How am I gonna get bubble gum? I don't even have any money.
Or a wallet.
Or pockets.
OK, think, Turbo.
Think! [mid-tempo hip-hop beat plays.]
[exclaiming.]
- Whoa, sorry, Smoove.
- It's OK.
What's the rush, T-Bo? - I gotta find gum for Burn.
Ah! - What kind of gum you need? Fruit-flavored? Fresh-breath mint? Those tingly crystals cost extra.
Tingly what-nows? Smoove, what are you talk Mm! [snails chattering indistinctly.]
I'm talking gum, baby.
You need it, and my guy's got it.
- You've got a guy, for gum? - I got a guy for everything.
My gum guy's the best.
Any kind you need.
That's great! I need asphalt flavor.
- But there's a catch.
- [muffled.]
Of course there is.
See, this guy doesn't just give gum away, and I already sort of, kind of owe him something.
If you can pay back my debt, I'll get you all the gum you can chew.
It's almost 4:30! You got my satellite dish yet? - I'm working on it! - OK! - OK, what do you owe this guy? - You gotta go to [murmuring.]
- and get [murmuring.]
- Seriously? You owe him that? Believe me, I know.
It's taken me forever to track it down.
[groans.]
I just wanted to race on the freeway.
Smoove, I don't think I can get him that all by myself.
I'm gonna need some help.
[clock beeping.]
You need my help? For what? [inhales, talks rapidly.]
Well, the 405 freeway is gonna be closed, but only for an hour [audio squealing.]
satellite dish.
[audio squealing.]
She may be eating boogers! [audio squealing.]
So I have to pay back what Smoove owes this guy, so I can get the gum for Burn, so I can race the 405 before it opens at 7:00! [exhales.]
Say no more, garden snail.
It's a noble cause.
It's actually like four noble causes by now.
Well, I got your back.
This thing we need for Smoove, what is it? [whispering indistinctly.]
Oh! I didn't even think that was a real thing! I know.
But if I don't get it in the next hour, I can kiss the freeway goodbye! We can't do this all by ourselves.
We're gonna need help.
- Big help.
- Hmm Burn needs gum.
Smoove has guy.
Guy has gum.
Turbo needs gum from guy.
But But he needs to get something for Smoove's gum guy first.
What sort of something? [both whispering indistinctly.]
[gasps.]
Oh! - Ah! - Oh! [all.]
Oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! - Oh! - Ohh It'll take all our skills just to get close to it.
We might not make it back alive! [tires squealing.]
[both panting.]
That was crazy! Whoo! I can't believe we made it out in one piece! That's gotta be the toughest stunt we've ever pulled.
- Whew! But we did it! - Whoa, Turbo.
Look at the time.
[clock ticks.]
[gasps.]
The freeway! [horns honking.]
[wind blowing.]
- It's closed! - You better get moving! You only got an hour! [tires screech.]
Wait, don't you guys want anything in return for helping me? Oh, Turbo, I want the most precious gift of all.
What, Shadow? Your your [clock ticks.]
- your friendship.
- Done.
What about you? Oh, I'm sure I'll think of something later.
Now, get moving! [clock beeping.]
Psst! Psst! - We happy, Smoove? - Oh, yeah.
We happy, baby.
My gum guy's gonna love it.
Hey, gum guy! [laughing.]
Here you go.
Mm! It lights up every time you open it! I love it! Here! Take all the gum you need! [giggles.]
[Turbo grunting.]
All for you, my dear.
To make up for skipping our date earlier.
Oh, baby, you shouldn't have.
[smacks kiss.]
It was nothing, Boo.
You won't even have to pre-chew it for me.
Chet, the shellicopter.
Please! [clock beeping.]
Almost there.
Almost there.
- [ticking.]
Come on, come on.
- Almost there! Stop! [Chet clears throat.]
It's talk show time, Skid.
And now, I gotta run! If the aliens land on the freeway, tell them Skidmark says [gibbering loudly.]
[engine revving.]
Only three minutes left! Come on, come on! [tires screeching.]
[clock clangs.]
Oh, you gotta be kidding me! It's 7:00 already?! - Why so glum, garden snail? - We're too late.
All that running around, all those favors, all that gum, for nothing! Maybe, but not in the way you're thinking.
"The 405 will be closed from 6:00 p.
m.
to 7:00 a.
m.
"? - Tomorrow morning! - You didn't have an hour.
You have the whole night.
And I get to cash in my favor.
[engine revs.]
- Which is? - To race! You think I'm letting you hog the freeway for yourself? Get ready for the greatest straightaway ever.
Hope you're not too tired.
I don't plan on carrying you.
I'm just getting warmed up.
[engines revving.]
[music.]
[tires screeching.]
Wait a sec! I could have done Mel's show after all! Oh, don't sweat it.
I'm sure Skidmark's having a blast.
[laughing.]
No, Mel, the moon landings were actually real.
It's the Moon that's fake.
[recording of crowd gasping plays.]
Who said that? The voices from my head have escaped? We need to find them and stop them before it's too late! [crashing.]
Some fascinating remarks from Mr.
Mark.
We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.
What? Oh, I am told we will not.
[helicopter blades thwacking.]
Park: no land sharks.
Check.
Movie theater: not on fire, nobody shouting "fire.
" Check.
So this radioactive spider bite lets him climb walls, but he doesn't grow eight legs? Please! You know, it's based on a true story, according to me, who has nothing to base that on.
We better hurry over to Burn's party.
If we're late, she'll spit gum on - Chet! - [shouting.]
What? Am I on fire? - No! What are you doing here? - Checking the roof for tarantulas.
And putting together Burn's birthday party, right? What?! [up-tempo music.]
[noisemaker honks.]
[yelling.]
Oof! - Wow, he literally blew a gasket.
- Oh, no! It's today! - How could you guys not remind me? - Us remind you? Burn's only been dropping massive hints for, what - I don't know, weeks! - The Pacoima Grand Prix? - We'll be busy that night.
Right, Boo? - Huh? There's nothing I like better than Mexican food, except big crazy parties! - Right, Boo? - Huh? What's a 21-letter word for something I better get on my birthday - next week on Thursday? - Huh? You said "big, crazy surprise party," right, Boo? OK, in retrospect, maybe I should have known.
Don't worry, you still have seven minutes to make it right.
[explosion.]
Gaskets aren't cheap, Chet! [all.]
Surprise! [splat.]
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Really.
- I've been planning it for weeks! - Oh, yeah? So you're saying you didn't just make these decorations from toilet paper? Or find these presents in a parking lot? - No! No! - He found them under the Dumpster! [metal clanks.]
- And the cake? - Don't eat that! [crunching, spits.]
Is made of dirt?! [worm shrieks.]
He used real frosting, give him that.
Chet, you threw this party together in five minutes, didn't you?! - I most certainly did not! - He threw it together in seven minutes! [growling.]
- Oh, this is gonna be good.
- Popcorn? This is pathetic, Chet! You knew I was looking forward to a big, crazy surprise party, and you forgot! In my defense, I didn't forget, I just didn't pay attention.
What?! And I told you how much I was looking forward to it! In my defense, you did tell me, but I didn't listen.
- So you just don't care! - Boo! No! In my defense In my defense, I am not dating a man who doesn't know me well enough to give me the birthday I deserve! We are breaking up, right now! - Skidmark, you're my new boyfriend! - Okeydokey.
What? Honey-boo-pie? Skidmark? What just happened?! [balloon sputters, pops.]
[melancholy music.]
- [sighs.]
Good times.
- Come on, Chet.
Life's too short to wallow in your own misery.
I'm good with wallowing, thanks.
Hmm I heard, "You're right, brother, let's go out into that great, big world and get some air!" [Chet.]
But I wallow best indoors! So, new boyfriend, you wanna go on the swan boats? - Actually, I wanna go to space.
- Swan boats it is.
- Will you please cheer up, Chet? - No.
Everything reminds me of her.
Especially her! [honking.]
[growling.]
[gulps.]
Now I get to see how happy Burn is without me.
Hi, Chet.
Hope your lovely day isn't being utterly devastated - by the sight of me with a real man.
- A real man? Where? As it happens, it actually is.
As it happens, Chet is doing just fine.
- In fact, Chet's got himself a real woman.
- Eh? Oh, he does, does he? So where is this real woman? Well, Chet just met her on the, uh on the Internet.
Which is why she's not here yet.
She's on her way from French.
From French? You're going with that? - Canada.
She's French-Canadian.
- That's right.
Yes, exactly.
You didn't let me finish.
Um, and she makes, um Sculptures.
From lint? - Floss! Dental.
- Candy.
Candy-floss.
Is that a thing? And boy is she a hottie-pants! Whoo! [chuckling.]
Hot, hot pants.
Yeah.
Really? OK, I'll bite, Chet.
What's the name of this new hottie-pants girlfriend? Her name is, um Uh, Girlfriend Mc Hottiepants! - Girlfriend McHottiepants? - Oh, I think it's great! Très original, mon frère! Well, while you wait for this very real-sounding Girlfriend McHottiepants, I'll be at the Caterpillar Carnival, because my boyfriend is taking me tonight.
- And we're gonna have the best time ever.
- We are? Cool! - Thanks a lot! - Hey, what's a brother for? Besides drawing on your face while you're asleep? That's you? [groans.]
Never mind! This is all your fault! Couldn't let me wallow, and now Burn thinks I have a real girlfriend, and I don't! How are we gonna fix this? [carnival music.]
[rock music.]
Next.
Next.
Next.
On break! [all groan.]
[wolf whistle.]
Ring a bottle, win a prize! Nobody ever does, but you can't lose if you don't play.
[glass breaking.]
Hey, hey, hey [munching, slurps.]
Well, hello there, Miss [horse neigh.]
- Oh, sweet fancy ketchup, no! - [silently.]
Keep it down.
Remember, my name is Girlfriend McHottiepants.
And my name is "Years in Therapy.
" You know, funny story, the haunted house really is haunted, - but not by ghosts, by its past! - You're so interesting.
Please stop talking.
Oh, hello, Chet! Is this? [falsetto.]
Girlfriend McHottiepants, visiting from French-Canadia.
Isn't Chettie just adorablicious? Oh, I brought you a candy-floss sculpture, Boo-Bear.
Aw, come on, Hottie, you're embarrassing me.
[chuckling.]
Seriously, you're weirding me out.
I just hope no one I know sees me.
- Can you see him OK? - Best seat in the house, homes.
Hey, McHottiepants! You forget your hot and your pants at home? [both cackling.]
- [Whiplash.]
Pantsless! - So you think you're gonna have a better date with Hottiepants here than me and my boy? Oh, Burnie-Poo, this isn't a competition.
But Chettie and I are gonna date your doors off! Date my what? It is so on, McHottiepants! Um, Girlfriend? Uh, what are you - Stuff it, Chet! - Stuff it, Chet! [carnival music.]
- Win me a carnival prize.
- You know, it's built to be impossible.
That's what they don't want you to not think.
[zapping.]
[ring clanking.]
Ooh! Oh, really? [carnival barker.]
Spin the wheel! Win a prize! [up-tempo music.]
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
[yelling.]
There's nothing more romantic than a ride on the Ferris wheel.
Hey! Wake up! Keep your hands inside the bucket.
No spitting.
- Can you hear angels singing? - Along with the other voices.
[blows raspberry.]
[angry groan.]
[both yelling.]
Oh, you think we can't make some excitement, too? Time for some afterburn! - Cheese doodies? - Don't mind if I do.
[ride clicking.]
[falsetto.]
Out-fun us, will they? Chet, let's go 200 miles per hour on the bumper cars! Sure, there'll be injuries, some permanent, but Enough! This McHottiepants thing is not working! [Whiplash.]
Oh, no, McHottiepants is workin' it, all right! Well, not working like it was supposed to, but Look, brother, I don't want to make Burn unhappy.
I just want her back.
I need to talk to her.
Well, that seems like a much simpler plan.
Allow me.
[zapping.]
[tires screech.]
- Well, hello there, McHottiepants.
- Skid, it's Turbo.
Well, all right then, Turbo McHottiepants.
- Boo, I want to apologize.
- Oh, really, Mr.
"I Can't Be Bothered To Remember My Girlfriend's Birthday.
" - Oh, sweetie.
In my defense - Talk to the flame, 'cause the Burn ain't listening! [engine blasting.]
[clicking.]
[all screaming.]
[all.]
Oh! Uh, guys? Stop watching and start rescuing?! [Whiplash.]
Well, we are out of cheese doodies.
[tires screech.]
[Ferris wheel squeaking.]
[engines revving.]
OK, Boo, I admit it! I did forget your birthday, and I'm so sorry! Oh, Boo, that's all I wanted to hear! Also, that's not really my girlfriend.
- That's Turbo in a wig! - I know! I said I wanted a big, crazy birthday, so you went to crazy, I mean really, really crazy, lengths to make it happen! It was your plan all along! Right, Boo? - Well, actually - [record scratches.]
Shh! I'm trying to give you an out, Boo.
Take it! Um of course, that was my plan all along.
- You like it? - Baby, it's perfect.
Hang on! We'll get you outta there! No need, brother! I'm gonna give my girl the most crazy-amazing birthday she could ever ask for! [both yelling.]
[yelling.]
[helicopter engine revving.]
Best birthday ever! [1950s doo-wop music plays.]
It's not over yet, sweetie.
Let's go buzz some jet planes at LAX.
- Now, that is love.
- Strange, dangerous love.
Which one of you is gonna pay for that wheel? [falsetto.]
Oh, dear me, I have no idea how that could have possibly - Not buyin' it.
- [normal voice.]
Yeah, I'll write you a check.