Wander Over Yonder (2013) s01e13 Episode Script

1 Guhh.
There's got to be something nice to say about this cold, drab, dreary, and empty place.
Hmm.
"Though plain and simple, this cute little planet has tons of potential with room to grow!" You really think so? You really think I'm cute? Also, it talks.
Hello, planet, I'm Wander.
What's your name? Oh, um, I'm afraid I don't know.
I've never needed a name before.
I do believe I've always liked the name Janet.
Nice to meet you, Planet Janet.
Oh, and I'm ever so delighted to meet you, Wander.
Please forgive my ghastly appearance.
If I knew someone was coming, I would have gussied up a bit.
Though why would I even bother, it's not like I've had any visitors ever.
Well, that is some sort of shame.
Those folks don't know what they're missing! Oh, Wander.
I tell you in all our travels, we've never once come across a talking planet.
We? Well, buddy, I have been all over this cold, drab, dreary, and empty place and all I can say is, bor-ing! - Come on, let's get out of here.
- Sylvia! Meet Janet.
Janet, this is Sylvia, my best pal.
There isn't a mountain too high, a valley too low, or a river too wide to keep apart a pair of pals like she and I.
Oh, it's very nice to meet you, Sylvia.
Talking planet, huh? Crazy.
Well, nice to meet you, Janice! Wander, wait, don't go! Janet, this is amazing! Sylvia, come on in! The water's wet! Oh, Wander, I do hope you enjoyed your swim.
Would you like to spin dry? Wander, that tickles! Come on, Sylvia! Just roll with it! Ahh.
Janet, I don't know how this day could get any better.
I do.
Sylvia This now look! See! Uh, hey.
So, Janet, you think I could get a boost, or something? Oh, uh, sure.
Of course.
I'm coming, Wander! Really? So, Wander, what do you think? Janet, I have seen a lot of sunsets in my travels.
But yours takes the cake, The icing and the cherry on top.
Oh, Wander, hearing you say that melts my already molten core! - Here, have another! - Wow! - And another! - Amazing! - And another! - Incredible! Ooh, Sylvia! Have you ever seen anything like it? No.
No, I haven't.
Ooh, Sylvia, watch out for that bush.
- I think it's poison jivey.
- Of course it is.
Oh, Wander, I can't tell you how simply wonderful it's been to have you here.
You make me feel like a newly formed celestial body.
Today was like my big bang all over again.
Aw, thanks, Janet.
We had fun today, too.
Right, Sylvia? Oh, is "fun" the word we're settling on here? You know, the fun doesn't have to end.
You could stay.
That's a great idea! We'll stay Tonight! We'll stay tonight.
And then tomorrow, we really have to go.
Well.
That settles that then.
Thank you for giving me the greatest day of my life, Wander.
And don't forget Sylvia.
Oh.
I won't.
Morning, Wander.
What do you say we hit the Morning, Sylvia! What have you done with Wander?! Oh, Wander's fine.
He's right where you left him Give or take a mountain.
Listen, you oversized chunk of carbon.
There isn't a mountain too high, a valley too low, or a river too wide to keep apart a pair of pals like Wander and I.
What a strangely specific challenge.
I accept! Oh, let's see.
Mountain high.
Valley low.
What's next? Oh, yes! Goodbye, Sylvia! Good morning, my wonderful Wander.
Ahh.
Morning, Janet.
Where's Sylvia? Oh, she went for a climb.
And then a hike.
And then a swim.
Who wants brekkies? Pancakes! Well, aren't you the hostess with the mostest.
All for my guest whom I love the best! I can't wait for Sylvia to get back! If there's one thing I know about Sylvia, it's that exercise makes her hungry.
If there are two things I know about Sylvia, it's that she loves having her snout scratched.
If there's three things I know about Sylvia That's enough! There will be enough for Sylvia when she gets back.
Now, how about dessert? Y'all have pie after breakfast? Wander, my darling, as long as you stay here you can have whatever you want.
Okay, that was that was almost too wide.
Almost.
That was delec-ticious.
A combination of delectable and delicious? Oh-ho-ho! I knew it! We know each other so well! I haven't had a meal that good since we camped out on Binglebop and Sylvia made waffles.
Speaking of Sylvia, I need to walk off this breakfast belly.
Maybe I'll go take a hike, see if I can't find her.
Go? Why would you need to go anywhere? D-do you like it? You like it, don't you? Tell me you like it! Please! Wander! Sylvia? Ohh! Just one second, wubsy, I'll be right with you.
Aaaah! I gave you the chance to leave in one piece! But you just wuv your widdle Wander, huh? Well, now this is happening! So long, Sylvia.
It was so nice to eat you! Whoop! 'Scuse me! Uh, Janet, you are a lovely planet, you really are, but Sylvia and I should probably be on our way.
Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia! You know what Sylvia did? She left! She would never! Yes! She left you here! And now it's just you and me, Wander! Until the end of time! Sylvia! There isn't a chasm deep enough.
Come on, Wander, let's orb! You are not going anywhere with my Wandy-wubzy-woo-wooo! She's trapping us in her orbit! If getting lava-balled by a jealous planet is how we go out, buddy, Well, I'm just glad we're doing it together.
I couldn't agree more.
I love you, Sylvia.
You too, Wander.
You too! What happened? Who the grop cares! Let's get out of here! - We gotta go back.
- What?! Are you crazy too? Hey, Janet.
Hey.
Sorry I got a little weird.
What? No! I was wrong to try and force you to love me.
All I ever wanted was a friendship like you and Sylvia have.
But I guess that's not in the stars for me.
- Hello! I am Maurice, your moon.
- Charmed.
I don't mean to be forward, but I find myself very attracted to you Oh, you! You, Janet, are my world.
- Should we say good-bye? - No, let's let 'em have their space.
Oh Janet, your Southern hemisphere is so curvilinear! Oh! You keep talking like that you're gonna melt my polar ice caps! Ah, Flendar.
Their fortress city protects them from any invasion.
Not! Lord Hater has attacked our South gate when we least expected it! What a brilliant and well coordinated invasion! In my heart, I always knew our planet would fall to the military genius of the almighty Lord Hater.
Hate's great, best villain! Hate's great, best villain! Your plan worked perfectly, commander Peepers! You are a capable and worthy advisor.
So that's just my little pitch for the invasion today.
Thoughts, sir? - Sir? - Peepers, truly your incompetence knows no bounds.
Did you really think I would approve of a plan with such a glaring and fundamental flaw? Sir, I don't I was very Wander! What are we going to do about Wander? 'Cause the moment we try to invade, that furry freak will show up and play a song, or have a picnic, or challenge me to a contest, and just ruin everything! Sir, I know Wander has caused us issues.
But the chances of him showing up every single place we go Your plan is bad! Deal with it! We need a completely new idea.
Yeah.
Something fresh and edgy.
Something that really pops.
Something totally Wander-proof.
Peepers! Reserve a conference room! It's time for All right, Peepers.
- Wow me.
- Okay, sir, how about this? We don't use the army.
We use Doom dragons.
Air superiority! Massive firepower! - They won't stand a chance! - No! If we attack with doom dragons, Wander just gonna show up and team up with the power of wuv or something gross like that.
And now Wander has an army of doom dragons.
Great work, Peepers.
Okay.
That's fine.
We don't even go down to the fortress.
We'll just destroy them with an electric laser! Wham, bam, perfect plan! Till Wander takes its batteries.
- We'll bring back-up batteries.
- He'll bring those too! We'll bring lots of back-up batteries! Peepers, will you just think for one second before you talk, okay? How could he even You're being such a Okay, forget the direct approach.
We'll steal their princess, force her to marry you.
Then the entire planet will rightfully be yours Unless that was simply Wander disguised as the princess.
And now I'm married to Wander.
Is that what you want, Peepers? For me to marry the person I hate the most in the entire universe? Ugh! Fine! We'll steal the king! Without strong leadership, Flendar will descend into chaos! Until Wander shows up and teaches them to be self-reliant and live in perfect equality and harmony.
And he'll also rescue the king somehow.
I didn't want to bring this up.
It's still very experimental.
The planetary mind combobulator! Powered by your own evil energies It will let you control the entire planet with a single thought! Huh? Hmm.
No.
Banjo.
- Banjo? - Banjo.
Now, sir, I've understood some of yours objections, but banjo? - How could a banjo possibly - But with racional frequency Wander will just happen to match the frequency of the mind comma-lom-bom-bulator - It's combobulator.
- Whatever.
Causing it to explode.
The bob-call-you-later will zap us, and we'll wake up in a fishing village, no idea who we are or how we got there.
We'll start over as simple fishermen and life will be good.
That is, until Rosa shows up.
Our competition for Rosa's affection will destroy our partnership.
And she'll end up with Ron the baker! We'll both end up sad old men, wondering what might have been.
Why couldn't you just let me have her, Peepers? Rosa and I would have been so happy together! Anyway, that's why your dumb comb-over-embulator won't work.
Can we please just What if we block out their sun? Warmth-generating group hug! - Melt their ice caps? - Pool party planet! Destroy all their crops and starve them into submission? Wander'll just come along and hand out, you know, uh - Sandwiches? - Yay! Yeah! What Bob said.
Sandwiches! I, uh, actually just wanted lunch.
Ooh! Good idea! Who's got menus? Sir, we don't have time! Sorry, guess they forgot yours.
It's possible I was being too negative before.
I need to be more receptive to the ideas of my subordinates.
So, tell me, what do you guys think? Sharks but less dangerous.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Keep 'em coming, guys.
- We take a cooking class with them? - No bad ideas.
- A really big laser on the moon! - Hmm, sounds familiar.
- Socks but for hands! - Gloves? You mean gloves.
- I'm putting down gloves.
- I need to go to the bathroom.
Not a pitch, still writing it down.
Sir! This is getting us nowhere! I had a plan for you this morning.
A good plan.
A solid plan.
A brilliant, fool-proof plan! Can I pitch you that plan one more time? Okay, we'll approach the fortress from the South with four platoons.
But what if Wander distracts them with a silly dance? And then Sylvia pulls their pants down? We'll just give them tighter belts! What if she ties their shoelaces together? We don't have shoelaces.
But what if Wander disguises himself as me and orders the watchdogs to stop the attack? We'll give them an X-ray scanner.
What if Wander throws a picnic and invites the watchdogs and because his pie is so good they all go? - What if he brings giant ants? - What if he knows a giant anteater? - We'll bring a giant anteater-eater! - What if he brings a And so on! What if Wander challenges me to some carnival games? Then you don't play the games.
What if Wander flies in at the last moment and shoots a shrink ray from his eyes that makes us all teeny tiny? - He can't do that! - Are you sure? We'll bring a radioactive power-absorbing crystal! Just in case! Hate's great, best villain! Hate's great, best villain! Hate's great, best villain! You know, this just might work.
- Really? - Yes.
Yes.
Yes! With this plan Flendar's defenses will crumble before us! Their puny pathetic planet will soon belong to lord Lord - Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh? - Banjo.
- Banjo? Banjo, banjo banjo, banjo banjo, banjo Banjo.
How did that happen?! It doesn't matter.
What's the point? Whatever I do, Wander's gonna find a way to stop me.
Invasion off.
Everybody out.
Sir, you're forgetting one thing.
- Yeah? What's that? - You're Lord Hater! The most powerful, most evil villain in the entire universe! And while Wander may have beaten you a few times the Lord Hater I know would never let some little furry weirdo get in his head.
He'd just keep conquering planets and doing evil! And if Wander did show up the Lord Hater I know would just use his powers to blast him into the next dimension! Yeees! Peepers, you're right! I am awesome! I can't let some do-gooder in a dumb hat psych me out! Oh, that's great, sir! - So, which plan do you want to use? - What? Oh, that one you had in the beginning was fine or whatever.
Let's do this! Hate's great, best villain! Banjo.
Who is the universe's loneliest evil-doer oh, oh Lord Hater, Lord Hater whoa-ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Rosa!