Xena: Warrior Princess s01e13 Episode Script

Wait ! Wait ! Just hold it there a minute ! You know, it's not polite to interrupt a bard when she's relating a heroic tale.
But you said it was day ! Excuse me ? It was morning when this Xena lady got loose.
So it was day not night.
- Right.
- That's right.
Very well.
Day And out of nowhere, Xena came upon a fierce-hooded warrior, who had just laid waste to a group of villagers.
She fought valiantly until he vanished.
She tended the wounds of a fallen man.
She did everything she could to help - but - Press down on this as hard as you can.
We've got to stop the bleeding.
No ! Stay away from him.
Haven't you got enough blood on your hands The villagers believed that she had killed their friends.
Nobody here cares that she didn't kill anyone.
Nobody cares that she was only trying to help.
Nobody believes that she fought the real murderer.
All you care about is executing someone.
But they refused to listen.
You'll get what you deserve.
Everybody ! Hear me, my friends.
- Until - This brave and noble woman she was the last thing I saw battling a cowardly hooded man who attacked us.
She fought him for our lives, though we were total strangers.
Truly, I say she is the very soul of goodness.
And we thank her, with all our hearts.
And with that, they knew the real Xena.
- Great story, nice job.
- Thank you.
- That was really good.
- Thanks.
That was beautiful.
- Who trained you ? - Trained me ? Oh no one not in the classical sense.
I just I like stories.
And you're going to the competition ? What competition ? The bard competition for the Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards.
Only the top four contestants will get an invitation.
I'm I'm hoping I'll be one of them.
- You tell stories, too ? - Yes, he does.
But he doesn't have time to tell them now.
Dad, she's great.
I was just telling her she should sign up.
It's not nice to give someone false hopes, son.
I'm sure your story was cute.
Cute ? But the Academy only takes talented individuals.
The roster is already full.
And besides, being a bard is not for young ladies.
Stories of housework are just not popular.
Come on.
"Stories about housework" "cute.
" I just talked to this guy from Keremus.
There's a Cyclops there stealing cattle from the local farmers.
We can be there by tomorrow morning.
I guess I don't have to ask you if you're interested.
How far is it to Athens ? In a time of ancient gods warlords and kings A land in turmoil cried out for a hero She was Xena a mighty princess, forged in the heat of battle The power The passion The danger Her courage will change the world I have always wanted to study at the Academy.
And I might finally have my chance.
Are you sure it's not just to show up this guy's father ? Well OK so he irks me a bit.
But this is the Academy.
Am I supposed to pass up my shot at a dream come true ? Nope no one should pass up their dreams.
How long would you be gone ? Oh maybe four or five years, or maybe a little less, if I if I study real hard.
You'd hardly notice I was missing.
Even if I had an army around me, I'd still notice you were missing.
You want some company ? At least as far as Athens.
Well you've got that Cyclops problem in Keremus to take care of.
And in case I don't get in Oh, you'll get in, Gabrielle.
You're a good storyteller.
I only remember one story told me when I was young.
It was about two orphans who decided to search the world for their families.
And it's all about their adventures and how they kept searching.
But the part I remember most is the end.
- And when the first man - reached the end of his journey, he found himself at the beginning.
The family he had sought had travelled the world with him.
The only family he had ever known ever needed was standing right beside him.
I know the story.
Thanks for being my family.
You're like a sister to me.
Now, go get your dream.
He draws his s-s-sword.
He d-d-draws he d-d-draws his s-s-sword.
I hope I d-d-don't do this when I g-get up to talk.
Hey, just calm down.
If it bothers other people, let it be their problem.
Storytelling isn't diction, it's the story.
Hey, hi, you made it.
That's great.
- I just thought I'd give it a look.
- Her vision fell upon the countenance - of a horrific specimen.
- A lot of people here.
Yeah some of the competition is really good.
That guy over there that's Euripides.
He tells a story if you can stay awake long enough.
And Stallonus there's no way to fall asleep with his stories.
but he missed ! And he stabs him ! You know, we never got to proper introductions.
I'm Gabrielle.
Gabrielle I like the sound of it.
I I hate like my name.
I'm gonna change it to something dramatic, something heroic.
How about, Draco ? - Draco.
- Yeah.
No, no, no not Draco.
He's a villain.
You see, I've met Draco.
he was about to slaughter a village when Xena stepped in.
We could be great together.
You must know, by now, you can never escape your past.
Xena celebrate your dark side, don't run away from it.
Ride with me.
You said one way or the other.
It's the other.
Xena met his challenge a fight to the death.
Whoever touched the ground first would lose.
And then, he departed never to stain the grounds of the village with his presence again.
OK so Draco's out.
I have to come up with something.
How about Orion ? There's a heroic name.
Orion I like it.
Your name ? An appellation does not illuminate the foreboding mysteries of one's etheral essence.
Was your name in there someplace ? Euripides.
Ah yeah Euripides.
You're lodging in the hall of Zeus room twelve.
Twelve the blessing of the Zodiac.
It bodes well.
Next.
- No.
- Oh, it's got to be there.
Are you sure ? Well, did you look ? What about under here ? No, no ! Oh ! Oh ! I'm sorry ! I'm sorry ! Sorry.
Here let me look.
Clean this up.
Sorry.
What about this one ? Ah ah, yes here it is Oh this is very strange.
They forgot to list your lodging.
They did ? I specifically asked for the double-bed with the view.
For the time being, you'll be staying in the servants'quarters in the hall of Zeus.
All artists suffer for their art.
Next.
Take your seats, please so we can begin.
Hey ! For the next few days, your lives will be given over to the Muse.
At the end of that time, four will be chosen from this group to continue on.
Great storytelling it comes from our observation of life.
- How does one relate the mysteries - What's the matter ? Nothing I, I'm just thinking like a friend of mine.
I mean, what could happen here ? As I was saying how do we translate an event into a rivoting, engaging story ? That is the goal of the bard ! He's getting away ! - Are you all right ? - That's enough ! Calm down ! Everyone, settle down ! What you saw, just now, was an event ! Now, how do you make it into a story ? That was a cheat.
- Excuse me, young lady ? - That wasn't an event.
That was a manipulation.
You see, the real story would be now if you were really dead.
Because most people think of death as the end when, in fact, death can be the beginning of a wonderful tale.
It all started in a king's castle.
All right, Sisyphus but this doesn't change things.
As soon as we're finished, we will go.
Splendid after all, a visit from you happens only once in a lifetime.
Death mighty as she was was captured by Sisyphus.
Do you realize what this means ? Of course.
Xena and I had to battle Toxeus and his army of undead warriors to free her and return her to her eternal flame.
And as Death was freed, so died the evil that was Toxeus.
Someone else needs me.
Then came the hardest part.
I had to say goodbye to someone I cared for.
Wait.
Wait.
There's been some kind of mistake.
No, Gabrielle, it's no mistake.
This can't be happening.
We'll meet each other again some day on the other side.
You won't forget me.
How could I ? And we learn, not to fear death but to accept it as a part of life.
You see ? There was there was no moral to your faking your death.
You were great.
Hey Gabrielle, can we talk later about storytelling ? Yeah, I'd like that.
Son ! Come here ! She's the competition.
Now, remember what I told you keep to yourself.
When we get in And he ripped his chains from the wall ! And then he and then he like, he ran through and knocked over a door ! And, like out there, there was all these guys fighting ! And then, and then, and then, come around ! Hey ! OK ! OK ! OK ! OK ! But, what's the moral ? Well the moral is actually, it's kills all the bad guys.
Why that's not enough ? It's a little empty.
Not not that it wasn't exciting.
I mean you really had me going when he tore the chains from the wall.
Yeah.
It's just well, when I tell a story, I like it to have a nice ending.
You know ? Sap up the wrap-up Even if you twist the Muses' melodious song of truth into a deceptive Sirens' call.
Do you always talk like that ? I told him you knew Xena, but he d-doesn't believe me.
There are stories of the Warrior Princess that are so cold as to chill the heart.
I relate such a tale as told to me by a witness to the woe and suffering.
She was merciless using her feminine wiles in her acts of unscrupulous treachery.
- Do you do this for all your warriors ? - Only special ones.
Oh I hope there aren't too many of those.
Right now, there's just you.
Come back later ! But Hercules is here ! Hercules ? - He must've followed us.
- Why would he do that ? Perhaps he doesn't trust me with you.
He shouldn't.
Or maybe he doesn't think you're man enough to help me.
Get out of here ! You haven't answered my question.
And Xena succeeded in her dastardly scheme to turn the two comrades against each other.
That is the story of the killer known as Xena.
Know what I heard about her ? She would take out her swords and And and again ! And she'd block ! And again ! And then Right in the gut ! Well ? OK.
I can't argue with that.
But it's only half the story.
You see inside all of us there's a yearning to do good to be good.
And it's the same with the Warrior Princess.
- I thought I'd killed them both.
- Kill it ! Stop ! You kill this baby you die next.
Contrary to what some might think I still lead this army.
The child should have meant nothing.
But it was the beginning for Xena.
But the past is a harsh and unwilling mistress to change.
Her own men put her through a gauntlet of death.
But now that good has taken root, the will to survive was too great.
Her destiny now was to fight for the innocent.
And that is what she's done.
And with that, Xena became good.
Tell us another.
That's enough talk about my best friend.
I'd like to get some sleep please.
- I wanted to - Euripides Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night, Twickenham.
Good s-s-story huh ? I wonder what adventures Xena's into now.
And the mightiest sword could not cleave the medal of righteousness.
And so he went on to find love and passion, with the wife he knew so well, and yet knew not.
How was that ? I couldn't see it.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't see anything.
It used to be so easy.
Why can't I do it anymore ? I mean I've been telling stories since I was five.
Why do you stare at me when you tell the story ? So I can judge your reaction.
See my dad wants me to be able to adjust my story if I see the slightest hint of boredom or distraction.
When I was little, I didn't look at anybody.
I just used to close my eyes, and try to see the story take place.
I didn't care whether the audience liked it only whether I did.
If you don't like it, nobody else will.
I guess.
My dad says I can like it, after I'm in the Academy first things first.
He's right of course.
Even if his son has to be miserable to get there ? Gabrielle, we need to speak with you.
I'm afraid it has come to our attention that you are not supposed to be here.
But, I I have a room.
I didn't say you weren't clever.
Polonius ? My son and I ran into this young lady in a tavern.
She didn't know about the Academy until my son told her.
You couldn't have been registered at that time.
And my records don't show a Gabrielle anywhere.
Pack your things and leave.
This meeting is closed.
Hey, what's with the long faces ? It's not the end of the world.
I've got a place to go.
Oh, bravery comes forth from your valiant heart like sap from a wounded oak.
Thanks, Euripides.
It's sweet I think.
I can't believe my father did this.
I'm so sorry.
Orion, it's not your fault.
G- g-good-byes are What Twickenham is trying to say, is that separation tears the heart's core like the fearsome blade of Ajax toward the ligaments of No ! I'm saying g- good-byes are hard ! You're right.
They are hard and just when we were getting to know each other, huh ? It seems like that happens a lot to me.
What do you mean ? Well like when I met Hercules' best friend Iolaus.
Hello.
Hello.
You're the one interested in the Aphrodite shell, right ? Better snap it up quick, before he gets it five dinars.
I'm afraid you have me confused with someone else.
I liked him right away.
I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.
But then he showed up at just the right time.
It turns out we had a lot in common.
When he was hurt, we really opened up to each other.
Let me tell you another story.
Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads.
And then the gods threw down thunderbolts, and split everyone into two.
Each half then had two legs and one head.
But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited because they each shared the same soul.
And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.
It was nice getting to know you.
It was more than nice.
And then we had to say goodbye.
It looks like I'll be saying it again.
Wait ! I've got an idea.
What ? Your farewell is not reciprocated.
The morning dew must not touch the curvature of your fleeing souls.
- Our reverie has brought us - Stay through tomorrow's competition.
Please.
For today's round of competition, we're honored to have acting as senior judge the great bard, Gastacius.
Twickenham, the stage, please.
Twickenham, is there a problem ? N- n-n-n-n-no ! No, I'm not gonna do it.
None of us will be performing unless Gabrielle is allowed to compete.
Gabrielle cheated her way into the competition.
She's been disqualified.
You do know you could be disqualified for this, too ? Then we shall all join the army of the dispossessed.
The Muses call shall not play lord over my soul's higher self.
What are you doing ? None of us will compete unless Gabrielle is reinstated.
Don't do this please, not for me.
They didn't mean it.
I'll talk to them.
Gastacius says he'd like to see the girl perform when you're ready.
I'm kind of on-the-spot here.
I wasn't expecting to do this.
Then again I wasn't expecting to find a baby in a stream but there it was.
And then we had to find a home for this innocent child.
But returning the baby to its home wasn't going to be that easy.
The child was quite courageous in the face of danger.
The baby ! In the end, goodness won out and the child landed in safe hands.
What you have done here is madness.
It's madness that this young woman was left out of this competition.
She must be allowed in.
Art will never take second place to rules and regulations.
Here, here.
Well said.
And so Atlas holds, on his mighty shoulders, the Earth for all eternity.
That was great.
Your performance was bold.
No, it was terrible ! Come here ! Start at the beginning, right now.
I sing of Atlas, greatest of Titans.
What'd I tell you ? Keep your eyes on me ! Start again ! I sing of Atlas, the greatest Titan.
Greatest of Titans ! Come on ! Focus, focus ! Read your audience ! Get the words right ! He'd do better if you'd let him be himself ! Don't listen to her.
She wants you to lose ! Do it again ! I sing of Atlas, the greatest of Titans.
This is not a game ! Come on ! Give me a performance ! Stop it ! Orion ! It was night.
A creature came into the camp and had a horn.
And, and they fought They fought with everything they had ! And, his horn on his nose ! And, they're bracing and fighting ! And, there's this smoke coming out of his nose ! Oh I I think if you had a little more character stuff and a little less action, you might live through the competition.
You win.
What are you talking about ? Orion quit the competition and left for home.
I hope you're happy with yourself.
- Orion ! - Leave me alone.
Orion ! You can't give up.
Didn't you tell me, 'If it's not fun, don't do it.
' ? Well, it's not fun for me anymore.
Then make it fun again.
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
It's been so long since I've told a story my way, I don't know if I can, or if my father will let me.
Your father loves you.
You said it yourself.
He only wants the best for you.
He he's just a little confused on how to do it.
I'll bet your father misses the good stories you used to tell as much as you do.
OK.
How ? Stop focusing on the destination.
- It's the journey that's the fun part.
- What do you mean ? Well, it it's what I've learned from travelling with Xena.
Every day is a new adventure, a new challenge.
You have to look forward to that.
Your father has you thinking only of winning.
But you're never going to get there unless you enjoy the process.
Do you understand ? I'm gonna compete in the finals.
- Son, listen ! - I'm gonna do it my way, Father and that is final.
This is the story of two friends.
They met each other in the hardest of times.
They learned how to care for each other.
It's hard to be alone.
You're not alone.
They became a great team.
They had adventures.
I'm gonna fall ! Hurry ! Hold on ! I'm coming ! - Jump ! - Are you crazy ! Jump ! If I die, I'll never talk to you again ! Jump, Gabrielle come on ! Jump ! - You call that a jump ? - No, it was a frantic leap ! Best I could do ! Hold the reins.
Some adventure ended better than others.
And together, they learned life's mysteries.
See how calm the surface of the water is.
That was me once.
And then the water ripples and churns, that's what I became.
But if we sit here long enough, it will go back to being still again.
It will go back to being calm.
But the stone's still under there.
It's now part of the lake.
It might look as it did before, but it's forever changed.
Thank you.
- G-g-good job.
- That was fantastic.
The cadence of your words played havoc with the fallen visage of my yearning spirit.
- I liked it a lot.
- Thanks.
You did great.
Hey, you will too.
Remember what you told me.
You used to close your eyes and s ee the story come to life.
See it again, Orion.
I intend to.
- Has he shielded his orbs ? - Oh, yes.
I sing of Spartacus, rebel gladiator.
He fell in love, while fighting for freedom.
I imagine a god for slaves, and I pray What do you pray for ? I pray for a son who'll be born free.
The terrible penalty of crucifixion has been set aside on the single condition that you identify the body or the living person of the slave called Spartacus.
I'm Spartacus.
I'm Spartacus.
I'm Spartacus.
In spite of his great suffering, his dreams were realized.
This is your son.
He is free, Spartacus free.
He's free.
He's free.
He'll remember you, Spartacus because I'll tell him.
I'll tell him who his father was and what he dreamed of.
I wish you were gonna stay.
It wasn't meant to be.
Congratulations.
See if you can get Euripides to relax a little.
I'll see what I can do.
Hey, Stallonus doesn't seem too disappointed.
Oh he's better suited for the Olympics.
But Twickenham I was so glad to see him get in.
Thanks.
You taught me how to be myself.
I'll never forget it.
Goodbye.
What is your real name, in case you get famous, or something ? Homer.
But Gastacius wants to call me the blind bard because I close my eyes.
Homer I like it.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Gabrielle.
I'm proud of you, son.
- Are you happy ? - Yes, Dad.
Thanks for asking.
Thanks for caring.
Hi.
So who won ? I did.
Then what are you doing here ? Well, I know this is gonna sound stupid but I realized that while they're telling adventures, you and I can be living them.
Well, it's good to have you back.
This is gonna make a great story.
The producers would like to acknowledge and pay tribute to Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas and all those who were involved with the making of the film classic "SPARTACUS.
" Additional thanks to Steve Reeves.