8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter s01e14 Episode Script

Hey, Ker, I need a fav.
Oh, my God.
A cartoon of Principal Connelly? "The Incredible Boring Woman.
" Why not read personal stuff over my shoulder? OK.
"Able to suck the life out of any room.
" Dying.
It's private property.
Sorry.
Distract Dad while I get him to sign this permission slip? - It's super important.
- OK.
Hey Dad, do you notice anything different about me? Oh, please don't do this to me.
- So you notice nothing different? - No, wait, give me a chance.
Your hair, it's, no, no You've lost You've gained, you No.
You've grown, uh The - Please don't do this to me.
- Here, Daddy.
Sign this.
- What is it? - Nothing.
- I'm gonna be late.
- You were talking to me.
I don't sign things without looking at them.
It wouldn't hurt to have activities like your sister.
You wanna talk about Bridget's activities? - Hey! - That's not nice.
Take Bridget's side.
I wasn't taking Bridget's side.
Let me see the paper.
- Girls, please! - Excuse me.
Important.
- I'm not important? - No.
- Catfight! - Shut up! - Freak show! - I'm getting vertigo.
Can I see it? - Do you want me to be late? - No, but let me Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
- Kerry, that's enough - Thank you.
- Sorry, Daddy.
- But Did I just sign something? I did, didn't I? Oh, Dad.
I don't understand.
How could Bridget have dropped Chemistry? You gotta see these cartoons Kerry drew, they're hilarious.
- I'm on the phone with the school.
- If anybody's sick, I'm sorry, but I can't pick 'em up, I got a meeting.
Well believe me, we'll clear this up.
Thank you.
Paul, did you know Bridget dropped all her college prep classes - for vocational arts? - What?! Does she think she can get away with that? Probably, since you signed the permission slip.
No way.
It's obviously a forgery.
No, they have your signature on file, ever since the girls' grandma died three times in one semester.
Oh, you're gonna laugh when you hear what happened.
Kerry ask if me if I noticed anything different about her.
Then Bridget burst in and she Distract and deploy? It's the oldest trick in the book.
I know what's going on.
Party Girl wants to take the easy way out.
- You know who's to blame? - You, hint, hint.
The school.
Vocational Arts shouldn't even be an option to her.
Well, you signed the slip.
Yeah, well you paid our mortgage late last month, cost us a penalty.
Yeah, that's pertinent, honey.
The school's letting our girls slip through the cracks.
See Kerry's sketchbook? She could make a living at this.
- This talent would've gone unnoticed.
- Had you not been snooping? Thank God I did, Cate.
Thank God I did.
You can tell the principal all about her failures.
Try and stop me.
This afternoon.
We have an appointment in her office after school.
Good.
I'd be able to make it if I didn't have this meeting.
You made that up.
In that case, I might be able to make it.
But just remember one thing.
- It's not your fault? - Damn straight! Bye, honey.
- Stop staring at that girl.
- Yeah, yeah, OK.
Told you we should've dropped him off first.
I said stop staring.
I'm not staring.
I'm trying to control her with my mind.
Oh, OK.
How dare you come to my school? How embarrassing to be called out of class by Rich Brittany with her haircut that only looks good on the girl from The Matrix.
It must be horrible for you.
Come sit down.
You went back on your word.
You signed my permission slip.
No backsies.
Yeah, well, you tricked me.
So no tricksies.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Hennessy, Bridget, hi.
Come on in.
No gum chewing.
'Sup.
OK, so I signed a permission slip without first looking at it.
I mean, what father hasn't? Most.
Oh.
OK, but you know, I think everybody once in a while, misses what's right under their nose, like you and our other daughter, Kerry.
You have a very talented artist in this school.
I should know.
I'm an artist myself, well, I'm a writer.
But, you know, I paint with words.
This was my conference.
Who did Rich Brittany drag in here? Yes, Mr.
Hennessy, one problem child at a time.
Problem one problem at a time.
Just take a look at this wonderful work here.
Show her the cartoons in the back? Show her.
Show her.
That's a good idea.
Take a look at this one.
This is called "The Incredible Boring Wo " You know, I think in this light, she's not that good, so Well, you know, parents really have a hard time being objective.
Guilty.
Oh, we are, we are so, so sorry.
No, we are.
Sorry we missed it.
She's very talented.
I mean, look at those old lady shoes, that manly blazer.
Yeah.
I'm taking this to the school newspaper.
They could use someone like Kerry.
Why talk about Kerry? Who did Rich Brittany drag in here? Let's concentrate on Bridget.
We gotta clean this mess about her dropping college prep courses.
Why don't we hear from Bridget.
I don't need college.
I know what I wanna do.
Be an esthetician.
- A facialist? - A beautician? - A zit popper? - Rory! Back off! That's our boy.
He'll be here in a couple of years.
Can't wait.
An esthetician.
I can take classes here.
After high school, I can get my license at the institute in six months.
Esthetics is a hot new career.
I could start at 30,000 a year.
Whoa! Let me look at that catalogue.
Wow.
You've given this a lot of thought.
She should be aiming at a four-year college.
- What do you think, Mrs.
Connelly? - Nice campus.
Mr.
Hennessy, we encourage many of our students to go into the trades.
Look at your MBAs.
I mean dot-com, dot bomb.
Oh, yeah.
Mrs.
Connelly? Do you have any advice? Well, how about we make a compromise? Continue college prep courses and your electives can be in vocational arts.
- OK.
- OK.
And keep working hard.
Well, start working hard.
Well, listen, thank you very much, Mrs.
Connelly.
I'm sorry for all this.
It's just that, you know, I'm a concerned parent, father bear, as it were.
You know what, I just want the best for my little cubs so that one day they can spread their wings and fly.
Yes, I too, would like to see a bear cub spread its wings and fly.
Bridget, how can I put this as gently as possible? Oh, yeah.
There is no way in hell one of my daughters is gonna go to beauty school.
- Mom! - Paul! I'm sorry.
But, as a parent, I don't care if I can't be popular with my kids all the time.
- Has anybody seen my sketchbook? - Not me, sweetheart, no.
You can't tell me what to do.
You're not the boss.
Technically I am.
I give you money once a week and I pay for your healthcare.
How do I quit? How could you treat Bridget like that? She doesn't wanna go to college, Mom.
But I do.
Now see, there is some of that Hennessy ambition.
In fact, I'd like to skip right to high school now.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Rory, that girl will still be in detention five years from now.
She'd better be.
OK, tell the truth, Cate, are you happy that Bridget wants to go to beauty school with Rory's future wife? I would prefer she went to college.
Then why are we having this discussion? Because we're married.
Those are our children.
You're gonna have to do better than that, Cate.
Look, first of all, Bridget is showing enthusiasm for something other than boys and new tops.
And secondly, she's taken initiative.
These are qualities I wanna encourage in all my children.
I can't find my sketchbook.
Maybe Bridget knows where it is.
Honey, have you looked in the garage, it could in the OK, where were we? I believe you were about to apologize.
No, we were at number three.
Bridget is 16 years old.
That means she'll change her mind about a hundred times.
Which brings us to four.
We've never been to four.
You're not allowed to go to four.
You're a snob! I'm a snob?! Yeah, well you hold a coffee cup with your pinky sticking out.
You're not doing it right.
Don't give me the finger, Cate.
Let me tell you something, all right.
I know you don't think so, but I know a thing or two about childrearing.
I've done a pretty good job with these girls.
He did what?! I'm gonna kill him! No! God, you're strong.
No! Why not? You're mad at him, too! Mom is on my side making Dad feel like an idiot.
You'll just muddy the waters.
Your waters.
I have my own issue here.
We have the same issue.
Dad is taking over our lives.
Get it? If I win, we win.
Oh, I see.
No! Let go of me! What'd you do that for? I don't know.
They do it in the movies.
When the character's hysterical.
I wasn't hysterical, I was mad.
- I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
- God! It is not snobbery.
I just want to nip this kind of thinking in the bud.
Come on.
You're sounding like a snob.
Just like your father.
We're gonna bring our in-laws into this? Let's not open that can of worms.
Somebody wearing a muumuu holding a double daiquiri might pop out.
I thought about not speaking to you for the rest of my life, appropriate, but then I figured you wouldn't know exactly how I felt, so I wrote down all my feelings for you.
"I hate you.
" Well, that's clear and concise.
You managed to convey a wealth of emotions into just three words.
My first draft was only two words.
Yes, Care Bear? I hate you, too! Come on, you don't understand.
I showed Mrs.
Connelly your work because I thought it was great and beautiful and I'm so proud of you.
And I know one day you'll thank me.
You are in very big trouble, young lady.
Thank you.
I took your cartoons to the student newspaper.
Imagine my surprise when one of my colleagues, actually a number of my colleagues, pointed out to me that I am "The Incredible Boring Woman.
" The principal.
I need to take immediate action since it already went to press.
I've decided that Kerry should utilize her skills by painting banners for the pep squad for the rest of the semester.
Yes, Mrs.
Connelly.
You may not respect the person, but you will respect the blazer.
Yes, Mrs.
Connelly.
Rory, let's go.
Wait a minute.
We didn't bring you! Rory Joseph Hennessy.
Come on! I can't believe Go.
Go.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
What are you watching? Take a look.
And now we shall hear from one of our graduates, Bridget Erin Hennessy.
I'm Bridget Hennessy, and I wanna be the first President of the United States who's a girl.
Oh.
Aw Her Kindergarten graduation.
How did she go from leader of the free world to facialist? She changed her mind.
You remember how many majors you had in college, Paul? Pre-med, pre-law I was searching.
I'm a seeker, a seeker of wisdom.
Oh, bull.
You were trying to please your parents.
Yeah.
That's a Hennessy tradition, college and pleasing your parents.
Let me tell you about one of my family traditions.
When I was little, I used to ask my mom why she always cut off the end of the Sunday pot roast.
She said, "Because that's how my mother used to do it.
" So then I asked my grandma why she cut off the end of the Sunday roast.
She said that's how her mother used to do it.
So finally I went to visit my great-grandmother and I just had to ask: "Why do you cut off the end of the roast?" And she said, "Because the pan was too small.
" See where I'm going with this, Paul? Are we having pot roast for dinner? My point is the previous generation isn't always so wise.
It's just, Bridget used to be filled with dreams and expectations.
Whose dreams? Whose expectations? Look.
Remember this? And that's 'cause my daddy says I can be whatever I want to be.
that's exactly my point.
No.
You said she could be anything she wants to be.
Are you proud, Dad? Your little girl is painting signs with bird mascots for the pep squad.
I got you into trouble, Kerry, I'm sorry.
But I'm not going to apologize for being your biggest fan.
I think you're incredibly talented.
And maybe, just maybe, you were born to be an artist.
Why can't you get this through your skull? My art is personal.
It's for me.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Although, it was kinda cool being published.
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I have to admit, it made me feel kinda special.
Well, that's great, Kerry, because you know what, you are kinda special.
Dad, that means so much Not now, honey, I gotta talk to your sister.
Beach? Honey? Bridget, are you putting makeup on the boy? I was gonna exfoliate him.
What? You said we were gonna eat lobster.
Now I'm never gonna finish my homework! What, this is homework? Yeah.
Pretty stupid, huh? - Can I help? - What are you doing? - You don't wanna flunk, do you? - No.
OK, come on.
Make me look like Robert Redford.
You mean old? Done.
OK.
- Oh, whoa, that's hot! Hot! - I'm opening your pores.
Uh, they like to be closed.
Oh, my corneas are liquefying.
Oh wait, this is important.
Close your eyes.
- Mm-hmm.
- OK, OK, OK.
Relax, you're such a baby.
- Bridget, listen, I'm sorry.
- Wait! Don't move.
Don't move.
I just wanna apologize.
I didn't mean to make you feel bad.
Then why did you? I don't know, I guess knee-jerk reaction.
Listen, I wanna tell you a story.
When your mother was a little girl, she went to her mom and said, "Why do you use a little pan to cook the roast?" And her mother said, "Because that's what my mother used to cook the roast in?" So to make a long story short, your mom went to her great-grandmother and said "What's the deal with the little pan?" And do you know what her great-grandmother said? No.
Neither do I.
But grandma sure makes a good pot roast.
Oh, yeah.
And then my grandfather pushed my dad to go to college on the GI Bill so that he could make something of himself.
- Is there a pan in this story? - Let me finish.
Then my father pushed me to go to college because he wanted me to be a doctor.
I hated that.
And then today I realized I've been pushing you.
I've become my father.
But you didn't become a doctor.
No, but I was annoyed by my father.
Yeah, I became a writer.
There were a lot of fights in between.
I don't want you and me to fight, Bridge.
So I can be an esthetician? I will support whatever you decide to become, as long as you promise to keep an open mind and never root for Ohio State.
Cool.
Oh! It was horrible, I surrendered.
I told Bridget to do whatever makes her happy.
Wow.
You look great.
Where did it all go wrong, Cate? I've lost the ability to have any impact on my kids.
No, I mean it really, really great.
What'd you do? Exfoliation.
Mask.
Moisturizer.
Your basic full spa package.
Seriously, like Robert Redford when he was young.
Yeah? You wanna play Butch Cassidy and the - Hey, Dad.
- Could you knock?! Like I'm gonna walk in on anything.
So, I looked at this college guide.
- You did? - Yes, I said I'd be open-minded.
I should totally go to college! Yes! I mean, if that's what you want, I'm totally OK with it.
- If you buy me a car.
- Uh, sure.
No! No car! Why'd you change your mind? I read about the University of San Diego.
It's by the ocean.
It has a surf club, and the basketball team has hot guys.
I really wanna go there.
You should get me a convertible.
Go Toreros! Well, Paul, you should be happy.
- Paul? - No way is she going to California.
- That's over two thousand miles away! - What? Stay home two years for your general education requirements.
Who's the snob now? What's wrong with Michigan schools? Did you learn nothing about the pan story? What's going on? The art director from the paper is coming over.
She wants to see my work.
It's all over the house.
Be nice and send her upstairs, OK? OK.
Rory, get the door.
- Aw, man.
- Get the door.
Take her upstairs, Rory.
What? You heard me.
Take her upstairs.
It worked.