Better With You s01e14 Episode Script

Hey! It's Saturday night, what do you wanna do? My friend Bennett's band is playing a show, we could just go down Just stay home is probably best.
- Well, it's Saturday night.
What do you want to do? - The Jassers are - having a party tonight at that new club in Soho.
- That's perfect.
After the week I've had, I need to get a little crazy.
Oh! So let's do it.
It's been a while, since we've had one of our famous wild nights out.
- Yeah, we'll have a few cocktails - Do some dancing Listen to some Very loud music Pay $15 for a drink Feel super old.
I'll call and tell them we're both sick.
I'm putting on comfortable pants! Well, it's Saturday night.
What do you want to do? Joel, it's Wednesday afternoon.
Oh.
Well, either way, I'm gonna take a nap.
I don't know where I'd be without someone to see this thing through I am such a mess even at my best I'm better with you Well, Casey's late again.
Oh! Everybody drink.
Is that not what we're doing? He'd better get here soon.
Ben and I have trivia at Connelly's tonight.
And tonight's the night we finally win.
I can feel it! Yes! What's up, $25 Bennigan's gift card? I can't wait to spend you.
Aw.
Here's some interesting trivia.
You guys have been playing there for four years, and you've never won.
That's not true.
We just won.
That was two easters ago, and that's just because.
You're the only two people who go to a bar on easter.
Hey, a win's a win.
Yeah, well, Casey better get here soon, 'cause we only have an hour.
Well, I'm actually okay with Casey's lateness, mostly because his reasons for being late.
Are always so entertaining, like, "sorry.
I had to fill in.
At a kid's lemonade stand while he peed.
"Sorry.
I fell down a manhole, so I did some exploring.
" And you can never predict what it's gonna be.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
I was practicing doing flips.
I might be the mascot.
For the WNBA team the New York liberty.
See? He never disappoints.
You know, my half brother is a professional mascot.
He was The Phillie Phanatic, The Mariner Moose, the bunny on the street who points the way.
To the discount condos.
Oh, yeah.
Well, right now he's the mascot for the New York liberty, but he quit because he just got elected to congress in Vermont.
He suggested me to replace him.
Well, at least we know Vermont's in good hands.
I am so excited.
I've watched my brother's games my whole life.
Every little boy goes to the stadium.
And dreams of one day playing professional mascot.
It's a dream as old as time.
Aw.
That's awesome.
You're gonna be a great mascot, baby.
I think it'll be good.
For our son to see me go to work every day.
Uh, I made this cool decision.
Really makes me feel like a dad.
All the money I make, I'm gonna put into a college fund.
For my little buddy.
Oh, really? That's so sweet.
Uh, I have an interview tomorrow with the head of marketing.
Man! I can't believe I might get to be Maddie! I-I'm sorry.
Maddie? Weird, right? Your name is also the name of the Liberty's mascot.
Why in the world would the mascot be named Maddie? It's named after Madison Square Garden, where they play.
Oh.
That's funny.
It's named after the same thing you are.
I'm named after Madison Square Garden? We are pretty sure you were.
Conceived in the bathroom at a Paul McCartney concert.
Well, another night of trivia, and another loss.
I can't believe that.
You thought Socrates was the father of modern medicine.
Well, at least I gave an answer.
You completely choked! I did not! Uh That is how I think.
Ugh.
And besides, literature is supposed to be.
One of your categories! If we're gonna keep doing trivia night, then you've got to do better! We've lost to that smug Tom and Cynthia.
Four times straight now.
Ugh, and their trivia team name isn't even clever.
"Taking care of quizness"?! What is that? You know, I am getting sick of losing all the time.
You need to start studying.
You know I don't do that.
When it comes to trivia, I just go with my gut.
Oh, well, then your gut's got a seventh grade education.
Oh! Ohh! Studying hasn't helped you.
One of your categories is sports, and you said there are They said "Bobsled," not "Bob-bus"! You try counting the people in a tiny car.
Going 100 Miles per hour! And why do you get all the fun subjects.
Like movies, music, and sports And I get science, philosophy, and literature? I have hard stuff, too.
Oh! Yeah! The '80s! Okay, do you see how much vh1 I watch? I'm not doing that for fun, okay? I'm doing that for us, for the "quizards of oz"! Hey.
Hey.
How'd the mascot interview go? I'm on my way there now, but I want something to show I'm fun.
Um, can I borrow one of your joke ties? Yeah, I told him.
You had a collection of really lame ties.
Ha ha.
No.
No, I I do have.
A small but exclusive collection of humorous and clever ties.
Might that be what you're referring to? I just want to wear something fun, like like Maddie.
Ohh.
Thank you.
No, the mascot Maddie.
That's gonna happen a lot, isn't it? Uh, my humorous ties are in the top drawer, but I'm gonna warn you ahead of time, they're not just funny.
Some of them hold a mirror up to society, and one of them's just a mirror.
Oh, I hope Casey gets this job.
He wants it so badly, and it would be so great for him to do something he really loves.
Doesn't he love his band? Yes, we're trying to phase that out.
And how sweet is it.
That he wants to put money aside for the baby's college fund? It's kind of a blessing Sterv got into politics.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Sterv? Yeah, that's his half brother's name.
His dad used to drink a lot.
Some of the kids he had during that time.
Have some crazy names Plaull, Dram Oh, and one whose name is just consonants Grnlm.
Ladies and gentlemen, ahem, we have a weiner.
Ohh.
You know who loves this tie? Hot dog vendors? Hot dog vendors.
Hey, can I borrow a jacket, too? - It's colder out than I thought it would be.
- Yeah, sure.
Oh, Maddie, to prepare for Sunday, I made up.
A bunch of trivia flash cards for us to practice.
I don't need practice.
Oh, really? What is the fifth element on the periodic table? My Maddie gut says Boron.
Well, whatever.
You still need to practice.
Mia, hit me with a music question.
Oh.
Okay.
Bye, guys! Bye! Bye, honey! You're gonna do great! Okay.
Ben Who sang "I want it that way"? Oh, please.
Backstreet boys.
If you wanna hit me.
With boy band questions, I can go all night.
Okay.
Who sang the theme song to "St.
elmo's fire"? Uh You know, that's enough for tonight.
My brain is tired.
The box is open! What? The box we put the jacket in, and it's gone.
No.
Oh, my God.
Casey just left the house.
Wearing the unlucky leather jacket! He's going to a job interview wearing the jacket.
That every one of us has had the worst day of our lives in.
Is this gonna be on the news? Wow.
Okay.
How is the cold snap affecting my day? Well, I always have a plan.
Listen up and take notes, New York.
I go cozy.
First a sturdy leather jacket Ugh.
A bee.
Anyway Whoa.
Oh! Ohh! Oh, bees.
Aah! Aah! Oh! Stinging! Ohh.
Stinging.
Ohh! And I had to get my driver's license photo that day.
You think that's bad? What happened to me was even worse.
Ohh.
You know how sometimes I'm walking down the street.
And people yell at me and try to spit on me? Sure.
It was the top of the 9th, and the Yankees were one out away from making the playoffs.
Maddie had gone for food, and when she came back, i had to move stuff to make room.
That's when I knocked my blanket over the wall.
Right onto Nick Swisher.
You're on the tv! You're on the big tv! The Yankees lost, and I was about to become.
The most hated man in New York City.
Well, they're not taking that camera off me.
This is the best night of my life! Ooh, ooh We've got to stop Casey.
We can't let him go.
Into that interview wearing the unlucky leather jacket.
He could explode or something.
Hey, darlin'.
Take off that jacket.
Oh, baby, I-I don't have time to play that game now.
I gotta focus on the interview.
The jacket it's unlucky! You cannot wear it to the interview! Unlucky? Jackets can't be unlucky.
This one is, okay? Ben had the worst day of his life in it, and so did Maddie! And the only time I wore it, I did, too, okay? I was working.
At klarik's department store, setting up window displays, and then the weirdest thing happened.
Out of nowhere, I suddenly got tired, so I sat down for a second When I woke up, the store was closed, and I was locked in.
At first, people just thought it was funny.
Hi! Hi! I'm locked in here.
Can you guys call for help? What? What? Are you kidding me?! Just Then a few hours later, the teenagers figured out i was there.
Burger boobs.
Yeah, very funny, guys.
Oh, yeah.
That's hilarious.
But it got worse when the bars let out.
That's when the real weirdos showed up.
Nice try.
I saw better two flashers ago.
And then I saw a guy I was dating.
With his arm around another girl, and then he grabbed her ass.
He never grabbed my ass! Mia, those are just coincidences.
There's no such thing as good luck or bad luck.
You make your own luck.
Not with this jacket.
It's evil.
It's possessed.
Take it off right now! No, I like it.
It's comfy.
Oh, of course it is.
That's how it gets you.
I-I gotta go.
I'll call you after the interview.
Love you.
Casey does not understand that the jacket is unlucky.
He said he doesn't believe in luck! That's just gonna make.
The jacket even madder.
We have got to go save him.
Do you even know where the interview is? Well, it's gotta be at their headquarters, right? I'll go look it up.
Hey, kids.
Mom, dad The jacket is out in the world.
The unlucky leather jacket? Oh, no! Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Casey is wearing it.
What the hell happened? It was in a box at the back of the closet under some old shoes.
He must've found it.
We should've thrown that jacket away when we had the chance.
Why didn't you? Because they gave it to me as a birthday present.
You are very hard to buy for.
And at the time, we didn't know how bad it was.
I thought I'd never see that jacket again.
Oh.
Hello.
Excuse me.
That's my $100.
My ass.
It's under my shoe.
It's my $100.
Well, I saw it first.
Well, I stepped on it first.
Oh, yeah, because that's the expression "Steppers keepers.
" Bye, baby.
Oh.
Okay.
Hi.
I know what this must look like, but I was not soliciting a prostitute.
You have to believe me.
There was a $100 bill on the ground.
We both just picked it up.
That's it.
Oh! Ooh.
I don't even want it.
Here, you take the $100, this whole thing goes away.
No problem.
Okay, I know what.
That sounded like, but I was not bribing a Police officer.
Believe me.
I would never do that.
I would rather solicit.
A prostitute than bribe a police officer! I mean, that's absolutely ridiculous! What kind of a man do you think I am? Got it.
Offices for the New York Liberty on 34th Street.
And we have to hurry.
The only time I wore that jacket, it was awful.
Two horses died, they had to close down central park, and a vote at the UN was affected.
I was just going to the gym We don't have time for any more stories! We have to go! God, he's not answering his phone.
He must've turned it off when he went into the interview.
He has to show them that he can do a flip.
What if he does it in the leather jacket? He could break every bone in his body! Maddie, do you know how many bones are in the human body? Because I know who sang "Mr.
Roboto.
" Ben, let it go.
Casey's in trouble.
Well, you know who's not in trouble? Taking care of quizness, because I bet they study all the time.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
How do you know that? I'm old.
I've been collecting little facts like that my whole life.
Really? Well, that's interesting.
How would you like to split a $25 Bennigan's gift card? I would like that very much.
Well, congratulations.
You are my partner on my trivia team.
Fine.
I'll get a new partner, too.
Mom, who won the 1999 World Series? Is that the one with the touchdowns? Close enough.
You're on my team.
I just think this job would be the most fun.
That I have ever had.
I appreciate your enthusiasm, young man, but dressing up as a delightful dog.
And entertaining a large crowd is not all fun and games.
It's also hard work.
And I totally get that.
I'm really good at making people stand up and cheer.
Okay, then here's your first chance.
Make me stand up and cheer.
Uh okay.
Uh, here we go.
Everybody up on their feet! It's a close game.
Let the Liberty hear you! Hooray.
Good job.
That was impressive.
Thank you.
Well, I think you're gonna work out just fine.
Hi.
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
I just need Casey for one second.
Uh, what are you doing here? Who are you? I'm his fiancée.
It's so nice to meet you.
He would do a wonderful job.
I just need to see you for just a smidge.
Uh, what's going on? Everything okay? No, no.
Yeah, everything's fine.
It's not that important.
I'll be out in one minute.
It's pretty important.
All right.
I'm almost done here.
You were saying you thought it was gonna work out.
We just need to I'm sorry.
I just I-I need my jacket back.
Not now! Okay, what in the world is the problem? All right.
Just get the jacket.
Hi.
Joel putney.
Hey, if you're ever looking for men for your practice squad, let me know, 'cause I can dunk on a 6-foot hoop.
Just give them the jacket, honey! No! Get out of here! You're ruining this! It's unlucky! The jacket's unlucky! You're unlucky! The zipper is stuck.
I can't get it off.
All right.
Yank it over his head! Hey.
Hey.
Hey! Hey! Told you it was unlucky.
I can't believe it.
I had the job, and then the jacket took it away.
No, you took it away.
You all took it away when you burst in.
Did we burst in, or were we just pawns in the jacket's game? You guys are insane.
Insanely afraid of the jacket, yes.
I lost that job because of you.
Because of the jacket.
Because of you.
Or was it the jacket? It was you! The jacket is making him say these things.
Mm.
How about this? Let's just get rid of the jacket, because it is making you all act like lunatics! That woman was about to give me the job.
You came in.
You ruined it! You're like that crazy family from the Greek movie.
The what is it called? "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
" Nia Vardalos and that guy from "Northern Exposure.
" Oh, Ben.
I don't ever want to do trivia without you.
Me, neither.
You're the best.
No, I'm sorry.
That's the wrong answer, because you're the best.
Ohh! Mm.
Yes! And the crowd goes wild! A sound I will never hear.
Now that you crushed my dream.
Oh, honey.
You have tons more dreams we haven't crushed yet.
Well, we have got to get rid of that jacket.
Let's give it to a hobo.
They have such bad luck, they probably wouldn't even notice.
I think I know how we can get rid of that jacket.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes.
No.
What? I was thinking you and I have to take care.
Of some Unfinished quizness.
Nice! I'm still not following that.
I need a better hint.
I'm Tom, Cynthia, before the game starts, Ben and I wanted to give you something.
In the spirit of sportsmanship.
It's a leather jacket, and look what we bedazzled on the back.
"Taking care of quizness.
" It's beautiful.
Did you know The Bedazzler.
Was the top selling item of 199 '94.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
I knew that.
One of you should wear it, and the other one should touch it, like, constantly.
All right.
Well, good luck, you guys.
Okay? They're gonna need it.
Take your time.
I love this place.
Free refills.
No, honey.
That was Bennigan's.
Oh.
Oops.
This is my fourth.
Casey got the mascot job After all! Oh, yay, Casey! Hey.
Way to go, man.
How did that happen? Oh, it was amazing.
The woman from the WNBA called me back in.
Turns out that jacket is the reason I got the job.
Last night when I was home stewing.
About how you destroyed my office, I was thinking to myself, that's not how a professional person.
Behaves at an interview.
That's how an animal behaves.
That's when I remembered, I was interviewing you for a job.
To be an animal.
Excuse me? No.
Excuse me.
Everyone else who wanted this job.
Came in here in their suits, and they asked for the job like a civilized person, but not you.
No, you came in here in your cool leather jacket, and you you shattered my trophies And my expectations.
You didn't ask to be Maddie The Mascot.
You just were Maddie The Mascot.
If it hadn't been for that jacket, I never would've gotten the job.
I actually think it's a lucky leather jacket.
Think about it.
When you were locked inside that department store window, you saw your boyfriend with another girl.
You broke up with him.
If you hadn't, you never would've met me, and that would be someone else's baby.
Ah.
The jacket works in mysterious ways.
Yeah, you know, come to think of it, that officer who arrested me.
Ended up becoming one of my poker buddies mm-hmm.
And he helped me get your mother.
Out of that trumped-up DUI charge.
I was only going I didn't even know the car was moving.
That shouldn't even count.
Wait.
Maddie, remember that your face was so covered.
In bee stings, you refused to leave the apartment.
You just stayed inside for three weeks and studied.
For the bar exam.
That's right, and I had already failed it twice.
Without the bees, I might not have passed.
I might not even be a lawyer.
And if I hadn't worn that jacket, I never would've met Governor Pataki.
Okay, it all started when I was going to the gym Mom, not now.
The quiz is about to start.
Wait.
If that jacket is good luck, then we just gave all that good luck.
To taking care of quizness.
That is correct.
I can't believe it! I mean, you're just humiliating these people over and over.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
Everyone else who has worn that jacket has had.
Something good happen, and all I got was the bad.
Ohh.
I don't know.
Well, maybe maybe the Yankees thing could've been worse.
Could've been worse? Um, how could it have been worse? What's going on? Your boyfriend was dancing, and he fell over the side.
I think he's dead, bro.
Dinner, a movie That was a perfect night out.
Mm-hmm.
You know what? I do not want it to end.
I could totally go out and do something else, go to a Jazz club aah! How do you do that? It's like you're a reverse superman.
What an enlightening night out.
There is nothing like a Swedish film.
All set in one room to make you question what it is to be human.
Yes.
I mean, when Constable Valgo and cousin Shterp burst.
Into that cabin to tell the Horrigans that Grandpa Dolph had been thrown into the Fjord! Oh! Heartbreaking! It really makes you think.
Mmm.
Anyway, great pick on your part.
Whoa.
That That wasn't my pick.
That was your pick.
I wouldn't waste my pick on an art film.
Well, it wasn't my pick.
You mean we sat through.
That snooze fest, and it was neither of our picks?! Ohh.
Just hit me in the head, so I can forget it.
Ohh! Well, that was a great movie.
Really enjoyed myself.
What a perfect night out.
Yes, that was the perfect night out.
So what movie did you end up seeing?