Big Nate (2022) s01e14 Episode Script

1
[whistle blows]
- It's dodgeball day in PE!
No time to explain!
[grunting]
- [whimpering]
[metal dinging]
[high-pitched whistling]
- [growls]
- [gulps]
[shouting]
[shouting in slow-motion]
[groaning]
How bad is it?
- Bad.
Um, you might be concussed.
- Yeah, but the good news is,
if you die,
it might get you out of PE
for a few days.
- Aw, you'd miss
the square dancing unit.
- There is a God.
- I'm chief meteorologist
Wink Summers
with your five-day Futurecast.
Nothing to fear.
Sky looks clear.
- Oh, Wink,
you lovable imbecile.
It's gonna hail.
- Rackleff doesn't get hail
this time of--
[thunder rumbling, screaming]
- Wow, I totally called it.
Maybe that dodgeball to
the head made me psychic.
- Look deep into
your mind's eye son.
Focus on tonight's
winning lottery numbers.
What do you see?
- Purple.
- Any other fun symptoms?
- Actually, yeah, all my food
smells like peanut butter.
- Yep, almost as cool as
winning enough money to--
to make some
basic home improvements.
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- You guys want to
hang at my house?
- What do you mean by hang?
- Yeah, Francis.
Last time we "hung"
at your house,
you made us collect
stool samples.
- Well, how about
this time we--
I don't know--climb trees.
- Aren't you allergic to trees?
- Well, I love going
to your house, Francis,
but I'm off to drama club.
We're doing a Shakespeare
in the Park night.
And Donna, the best acting
teacher ever, is directing.
She promised me
I can play Juliet.
- I hope Randy isn't Romeo.
- Oh, you might
have to kiss. [gags]
- Ew, no.
We're doing monologues.
I can finally showcase
my talents unencumbered
by an amateur scene partner.
For these other kids
acting is a mere hobby,
but for me,
it's my chosen career.
[cheers and applause]
- Aren't you a little young to
worry about, like, a career?
- Uh, I work towards my
epidemiology career every day.
- Hence, the aforementioned
stool samples.
- I thought you wanted to be
an ear,
nose, and throat specialist.
- I wandered when I was
young, but I'm 11 now.
Clock's ticking.
- You know it!
Got to get started early,
so we don't get left behind.
Acting away!
- I'm already
a professional burp king.
[loud, sustained burp]
- [burping]
I will dethrone you.
- I'm surrounded by children.
♪
- Thank you, my adoring public.
Oh, you are too kind.
What an honor.
[clapping]
Oh, hi.
Are you lost?
- I'm here for rehearsal.
- But you're not
in my drama club.
Sorry, it's only for big kids.
Well, Donna will sort this out.
She's really cool, unlike our
other drama teacher, Dr--
- Lagaze!
- Ah! Uh, hi.
Uh, where's Donna?
- Oh, Donna slunk back
to Broadway.
Guess she couldn't hack it as
a sixth grade drama teacher.
I'm your director now!
Moi!
[grunts]
Lagaze!
- [chuckling]
- Great.
- Awesome work, guys.
- I knew tree climbing
was a trap.
- Sorry, guys,
but Dr. Tibia just really
needs those pollen samples.
And I would,
but I'm just allergic.
[sneezes]
- Hey, why are you--
we working for some guy
that doesn't even pay you?
- Uh, to lay the foundation
for my future.
Speaking of which,
can you climb a little higher?
We need a variety of specimens.
- Bummer. I'm sorry to tell you
this, Francis,
but it's about to rain.
- Huh?
- Hmm?
- That head injury
was bad, huh?
[thunder cracks]
What?
- [clearing throat]
Ermadine will embody
troubled heroine Ophelia.
Randy will portray the dark
and brooding Hamlet.
[farts]
And performing Juliet's
legendary balcony monologue,
Zoshia--
- I--huh?
- A fifth grade theater prodigy
I've plucked
from elementary school
obscurity.
Let's give Zoshia
a warm PS 38 welcome.
[applause]
- Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Donna promised me
the balcony monologue.
- Mm. I'll honor that.
You may tackle the role
of balcony.
[dramatic music]
[thunder cracks]
- [groans] I'm getting wet.
I want to go home.
- Oh, good idea.
Don't worry.
I'll take over for Zoshia.
I'm already off book.
The show must go on, right?
- Our bodies are
our instruments.
They shan't be dampened.
Pros like Zoshia know that.
Class dismissed.
- [moans]
- I'm chief meteorologist Wink
Summers with your Futurecast.
- Hey, Dad, um, did you have
a plan for your career
when you were 11?
- [laughs]
I see you've inherited
my sense of humor.
- Well, it's just that
Dee Dee's an actress already,
and Francis is all into
epidemi--
something or another.
I don't know.
I just--I feel like
I'm supposed to have
some big master plan by now.
- And sorry about
that micro storm
in the channel 12 parking lot.
[laughs]
Did not see that one coming.
- [groans]
- Wait a minute!
I can predict the weather.
♪
Wink! Winkenator!
Hey. Nate Wright.
I'm your new intern,
reporting for duty.
- I'm not in the business
of babysitting tweens.
Sorry, kid.
- Wait! Wink, you need me.
You've lost your
forecasting mojo, man.
Lucky for you,
my mojo is off the charts.
- Graduate high school.
Go study meteorology,
then we'll talk.
- But wait, wait, wait, wait!
A tornado's coming,
and you didn't report on it.
This could be disastrous
for your career, Wink.
Call me!
- Romeo, Romeo,
where seven is Romeo?
- Wherefore art thou, Romeo.
Wherefore, just means--
- Dee Dee,
Zoshia's the leading lady,
not you.
And why are you
wearing a nightgown?
Balconies don't wear
nightgowns.
Oh, it would be exquisite
for Juliet, though.
Please bring it to
Zoshia next rehearsal.
- But she's not doing the work.
She doesn't even know
her lines.
- Pah!
Any buffoon can learn lines.
Stars aren't made.
They're born.
- [grumbles]
Much better.
- Stars may be born,
but they can also be destroyed.
- Thanks for remembering
my lines, Dee Dee.
I'm so bad at that.
Maybe you could still
give them to me,
just quieter so nobody knows.
- Oh, my pleasure.
♪
- From the top!
- Romeo, Romeo, where--
um
- [chuckles]
- Where's my fine boo, Romeo.
- Really? Okay.
Um, where's my fine boo, Romeo?
- Stop the show!
- [chuckling]
- People, we have just
witnessed a moment of genius!
- Hmm?
- Did you notice Zoshia's
incredible improv abilities?
Zoshia has become one
with Juliet.
- Hark, a tornado.
[panicked shouting]
Run! Run for your life!
- Ah!
Rehearsal has been cancelled!
[thunder cracks]
[conspiratorial music]
♪
- Why do you want to be
my intern, kid?
You're 11.
- Eh, childhood's been fun,
but I have a calling now,
meteoropotopology.
- [chuckles]
Oh, yeah?
What makes you think
this is your jam?
- 'Cause I'm naturally
awesome at it.
I'm gonna be so rich one day,
and I'm never even
going to have to try.
- Being a celebrity
meteorologist
isn't all glamor, you know.
Do people appreciate that 45%
of my forecasts are correct?
They do not.
It's always,
"You're a slacker, Wink."
"You aren't trying, Wink."
"You didn't warn me
about the hurricane
that destroyed my house, Wink."
- Well, then it's a good thing
I'm here.
I've got mad
forecasting skills,
and I accept perks as payments.
- I guess we could
give it a whirl.
Let me show you
how we research.
- Nope. No, no, no.
No need.
We'll have a mix of sun
and clouds this week,
humidity at 72%.
- Holy cow! You're right!
- [chuckles] Naturally.
- So I treat you to my
fabulous celebrity lifestyle,
and you do all the forecasting?
- With 100% accuracy.
- So the station will stop
threatening to fire me.
My girlfriend will stop
telling me to clean up my act.
Kid, you got the gig.
[rock music]
- Hi, you bring that
fancy nightgown?
- Enjoy.
[eerie scream]
- Oh!
- Dee Dee, what have you done
to Zoshia's nightgown?
- It's my nightgown
just like Juliet
was supposed to be my role.
- [grumbling]
If you can't be
a team player,
perhaps I need to suspend you
from drama club
forever!
- You--you can't do that! I--
- I ruined the gown.
It was me.
- I see it now.
These are the ivy stains
from Juliet's attempt
to scale the walls of
her Capulet fortress.
This is her blood spewing forth
from the gaping wound
of her broken heart.
- [groans]
[video game music playing]
- Nate, your adult male friend
is here.
- Am I late?
I thought you didn't need me
till this afternoon?
- I don't, but guess what?
My boss says my forecasts
lately have been top notch.
I got a raise.
- Oh, nice!
Keep up the good work,
Winkenator.
- Thanks to you,
I don't need to work.
Let's celebrate, hit the town.
I'll show you the celeb life.
[upbeat rock music]
♪
What'd you do that for?
- Baby, here I am ♪
- High tide's at 6:02 tonight.
- Pack those picnics up
by 6:00, ya beach bums.
Tide's are rolling in.
♪
- The wind's coming in
at 9 miles per hour
from the northeast.
Gotta adjust.
♪
- Boys and thing,
they come by the dozen ♪
- Yeah, baby!
- Okay, we really gotta
go to work now.
- Oh, yeah.
Hit me with that sweet forecast
on the way, kid.
- Cloudy with a chance of--
[sniffs]
Meteor?
[shouts]
- What's up with Dee Dee?
She's been acting weird
lately.
- I don't know.
She was headed to the school
talking to herself.
Something about a plague
on both their houses.
- Huh? You sure you saw her
come in here?
- [growling]
- What the what now?
- [growling]
- Dee Dee, what are you doing?
You want to give yourself
brain damage like Nate?
- Eh, it's not so bad.
That's how I got my gift.
And hey, bonus,
my head finally
stopped hurting today.
- Dude, maybe you're cured.
- Cured?
[sniffing]
Oh, no.
This mystery meat smells
like mystery meat.
This yogurt smells like yogurt.
This [gags]
Egg salad smells like
broken dreams!
Nothing smells
like peanut butter.
Am I a giftless nobody again?
- Quick,
what's the weather tomorrow?
- [sniffing]
[whimpering]
I have no clue!
- You must have had a sinus
injury, which is now healed.
Oh, Dr. Tibia's gonna be
so intrigued.
- No, no, no, no, no!
I can't lose my gift,
or I'll lose my internship.
And when I grow up,
my roof will leak
into a chicken bucket.
- Chill,
there's a simple solution.
- I could just give myself
a fresh sinus injury.
- [gasps]
Good plan.
Gotta jet.
See ya.
- Whoa, not so fast.
We still don't know why
you were climbing the fridge.
- Let's just focus on giving
Nate a sinus injury, okay?
- Uh
Wait!
No!
[upbeat music]
[blows landing, shouting]
- Well, does everything smell
like peanut butter again?
- Kind of hard to tell
'cause I'm literally
covered in peanut butter!
Hey, do you guys see
a centaur dressed like Elvis?
That's just me, huh?
Okay, I need medical attention.
- Oh.
- You're late, and you smell
like a compost pile.
Quick.
Hit me with the forecast.
- Right. Okay, um, let's see.
I'm sensing clear skies ahead.
- You the man.
♪
- Break a leg, Zoshia.
- We'll begin with our star
performer Zoshia's monologue.
Where has Dee Dee run off to?
I swear that balcony
has no work ethic.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.
I'm coming.
- Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore--
[screaming]
Oh! You okay?
I am so sorry.
I'm such a klutz.
You saved my life, Dee Dee.
- Oh, I--I can't do this.
I quit.
I don't like who I've become.
You're a great kid, Zoshia.
You deserve to shine!
[wailing]
- Very unprofessional, Dee Dee.
Our show is tonight.
Eh, I'll just replace you
with a table.
[dramatic music]
- Finally some father-son time.
I've barely seen you
since you got your profesh gig.
- Yeah.
About that, Dad
- I'm proud of you
for finding something
you're both good at
and passionate about
at your age.
- You know, to be honest,
though, I'm not--
[doorbell rings]
- Huh?
Hey, get that, would you?
Standing up gets harder
every year.
- [groans]
- Well, we got fired because
of your crummy forecast.
My girlfriend found out
and kicked me to the curb.
So now I'm crashing
at your place.
- Wait, what? No!
Well, at least stay
in the basement.
I gotta tell my dad that--
[knocking on door]
- I quit show biz.
I'm all washed up.
It's made me ruthless,
jaded, hard.
I'm begging you, Nate.
You gotta let me hide out here.
- Dude!
- My parents think
I'm at rehearsal.
They spent a fortune
on acting lessons,
and it was all for nothing!
- Fine! Just get in here.
All right, Wink, Dee Dee.
Dee Dee, Wink.
- Saved you a piece.
- Wait, how'd you get
a pizza down here?
- You're famous.
What brings you
to Nate's basement?
- My star has faded.
Fame's a fickle mistress.
- Dude, tell me about it.
- Sure!
I was born on a dark and 60%
chance of a stormy night.
- Hey, Nate,
who was at the door?
- Ugh, it's the "we buy
junky cars" guy again.
You gotta start parking
in the garage, Dad.
Also don't come down
to the basement!
- We apologize for yet
another disastrous forecast.
Wink Summers is
no longer with us.
He's been let go,
fired, canned.
But you, our viewers, get to
vote on Wink's replacement.
Want to see Wink replaced by
this lava lamp
or this plant?
Text us your fave.
- Your weird weatherman
friend's been fired.
Does this mean
you lost your internship?
- Oh.
Yeah, I'm sorry you had
to hear it this way, Dad.
I just didn't want to
disappoint you, you know.
I know how stoked you were
for me to have a career.
- You could never
disappoint me.
I'm just disappointed for you
since you were
so passionate about this gig.
- Yeah, but that's the thing,
though.
I'm not passionate
about meteorology.
I just--I did it
'cause it was easy.
- Ah, well,
the road is long, my son,
and nothing easy is worth doing
unless you get free stuff.
- Want to see Wink replaced
by another bag of air?
Like this windsock--
- Come on, man!
- Or this decrepit canine?
- [sobbing]
- Join the club.
I got replaced by a table.
- Wait, ice cream?
Where are you getting
all of this food?
All right, you know what?
You two gotta go.
You can't just hide out
in my basement forever.
- But your basement is so much
better than the real world.
- I'm going off the grid, Nate,
fading in to the background,
where I belong.
♪
- Hey!
- Hey!
- All right, would you pull it
together, people?
Dee Dee, you had a setback.
You gotta just
keep doing the work.
Wink, you gotta
start doing the work,
so you can get a new job.
And no, neither you can
live in my basement.
- But--
- But--
- I like the basement.
- No buts! Vamonos!
[both groaning]
- Oh, woe is me to have seen
what I have seen,
see what I see.
[applause]
- Last but definitely best,
Zoshia will perform
Juliet's monologue
alongside--
well, technically
above Dee Dee,
who has graced us with her
fickle presence tonight
as the balcony.
- I'm so glad you came,
Dee Dee.
Your my best scene
partner ever.
You're my only
scene partner ever.
- Thanks, Zoshia.
Sorry I was a jerk.
- You were?
- From now on,
I'll always support you
like a good scene partner,
like a good balcony.
- I know you look at me
as a role model, and I am.
But I forget how lucky I am
to be born me.
I got lazy.
I'll do better for kids who
believe weathermen are heroes.
- Never called you a hero.
- Romeo, Romeo, wherefore--
um
I can't do this.
Instead of learning my lines,
I've been relying on you.
I'm not prepared.
- Hey, you'll do great.
You're a star.
Lagaze said so.
- Okay.
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore--
oh, sausages?
crowd: Boo! Boo!
This stinks!
[jeering, shouting]
- Hmm.
The show must go on!
[thunder cracks]
Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou, Romeo.
[crowd gasping]
Deny thy father
and refuse thy name.
- If lightning strikes,
it's sure to hit
the highest point,
that booth.
- Pbbt, lightning only
strikes electric cars.
- Trust me.
I'm a meteorologist.
[exciting music]
♪
- Romeo, doff thy name.
And for that name,
which is no part of thee,
take all myself.
[cheers and applause]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'd like to thank my family
for all of their support
and my mentor, Donna,
and most--most of all,
the OG Juliet, Zoshia,
who taught me
to be a team player.
[screaming]
- Daddy!
Someone help my daddy!
- Whoa, Lagaze is her dad?
Plot twist!
No wonder he thinks
she's so great.
She's not better than me.
It's a classic case
of Hollywood nepotism.
He is okay, right?
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Don't worry, my groundlings.
This strapping hero
has saved my life.
Oh!
- Wow, Wink,
you nailed it for once.
- Oh, gee, I'm not a hero.
- Didn't say you were,
but your job at the station's
still open.
I'll see if I can pull
some strings.
- Hey, kid,
we're back in business.
- Sorry, Wink.
I'm just going to enjoy
being 11 while I can.
I don't want to grow up
to be a 40-year-old man child
trying to relive
my unfulfilled youth
in a stranger's basement.
- Hey,
get your own career path.
[both burping]
- I'm surrounded by children.
- [burping]
You know it.
[light classical music]
[upbeat rock music]
♪