CHiPs (1977) s01e14 Episode Script

Hi.
What's up? Put your hands where I can see them.
Hey.
- Put your right hand on your right ear.
- You're not gonna handcuff me.
Okay, so I won't cuff you.
You're going to regret this.
I heard that one before.
Well, not the way I play it.
Mister, you just made a war zone out of the city streets.
Count your blessings we don't have to call an ambulance.
Read him his rights, Baker.
I know my rights.
Yeah, you just don't know about the rights of others, right? L.
A.
15, 7 Mary 4 send an 11-85 for storage and one unit for an 11-48 to Parker.
Believe that guy? He wants us to call his attorney.
Yeah, well, he can do that after they take him in.
Don't give him any openings.
He's the type to try to get even.
He didn't care who he hurts.
Ponch, let's get these reports filled out fast.
- I gotta make a phone call.
- You start and I'll be right with you.
- Ponch? - I gotta stop by Personnel.
Honest.
I've heard that one before.
Hey, man, I've got my rights too.
Hey, sweetheart.
How's my favorite sex object? Come on, Mamie.
Word's all over the headquarters.
You're my favorite.
Only when you want something.
But you summoned me.
I was just on my way to your office.
I'll save you the trouble.
Here, sign this, right there.
If you can't write, make your mark.
When are you gonna break down and give me a date, Mamie? When are you gonna stop teasing old ladies? You know, I've half a mind to take you up on it.
Just to see the expression on your face.
Take a good look, love.
This Friday, 8:00.
- You're kidding.
- Almost.
It's Jon's birthday and I'm A birthday party.
Right on.
How'd you know? I'm psychic.
Okay, what kind of a party is it gonna be? - A surprise party.
- Right again.
- Don't say a word unless each kick in.
- Surprise.
I haven't got five bucks.
Surprise.
It'll cost you 10.
But it just wouldn't be a party without you, Mamie.
See me tomorrow.
You got it.
- Hey, Jon, I thought you'd be - You thought I'd be writing our reports.
- Wrong, huh? - Right.
I talked to Sergeant Getraer about your career.
I convinced him you'll make a better officer if you had more experience at report writing.
This thing, if you don't know, is a 555.
This is a 202.
And this little unfamiliar object is a pencil.
Now, see you in the a.
m.
, partner.
Okay? That'll about do it, Gil.
No, there's room for a couple more.
We been here more than 20 minutes.
Anybody could've spotted us and blown the whistle.
Let's not get greedy.
In and out.
Hit and run.
Okay, Buck.
Hey, Jon, I made some plans for us Friday night.
You're free, aren't you? - You mean this coming Friday night? - I don't mean next year Friday night.
Well, don't count on it.
I got a date.
Well, you tell whoever she is that we can all double-date Saturday night.
Friday night, you and me, okay? You got something going on I don't know about? No.
No, I just thought we ought to get to know each other.
You know, spend more time together.
We spend 40 hours a week plus overtime getting to know each other.
- Lf I knew you any better - 15, 7 Mary 3, Mary 4, L.
A.
Report of livestock on the Golden State Freeway at Calgrove.
Repeat, a report of livestock on the Golden State Freeway at Calgrove.
L.
A.
15, 7 Mary 3 and 4.
Copy, rolling south from Broadway.
Hey, you ever want to be a cowboy, Tex? You ever want to be a motor cop? Come on, let's go.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You lose many? - Sure did.
It'll take hours, though, to put together a real head count.
Look at that, they cut the wire, backed the truck right up there.
How come, you suppose, folks didn't notice? Must've taken them hours to herd that many cattle.
Hey, partner.
They used a dirt bike.
Sure did, and two different kinds too.
You mean a motor-sickle? Yeah.
Excuse me.
What's the world coming to when folks start using motor-sickles to do cattle rustling? Listen, how would you like to go to a swinging party? - Yeah, I would.
- All right.
Slide me 10 bucks and don't let Jon see you do it.
- Why, isn't he invited? - Yeah, he is.
But he doesn't know it yet.
You got it.
Good morning.
Good morning, ma'am.
Did I do something wrong? You went through an orange light at Red Drive.
- Red Drive, where is that? - There's no such thing as Red Drive.
You ran a red light back there at Orange Drive.
I just said that.
You said it backwards.
Would you mind stepping over here at the corner, please? May I see your driver's license? Excuse me, I'm her uncle.
Maybe I can be of some help.
Thank you.
Everything grows beautifully here in California.
- Here it is.
- You want to take it out, please? It's It's in your partner's pocket.
Hey, how did you do that? Well, it's really not very difficult.
We do it for a living.
That's very interesting.
Oh, I'll get it.
Now, officer, what time is it? Always carry a spare.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
There we are.
You are now a magician's assistant.
You owe me 6 dollars dues.
Forget it, I was only kidding.
- Would you sign this, please? - Oh, no, do you have to? Yes, ma'am.
Do you have a pen? Right here.
Maybe you better use mine.
That way the ink won't vanish.
My card.
The Great Marvello, huh? - Hey, Jon, he's terrific, huh? - Yeah, he's great.
You're so serious.
We're just trying to lighten up your life.
Really, I appreciate it.
It's just I'm trying to lengthen yours.
Here you go.
Hey, it's been fun.
Don't spoil it.
I'll be in the car.
Gotcha.
Can you believe that guy? He had my watch, my marksmanship badge.
Your gun and Got a minute, sarge? Yeah.
How would you like to go to a party? Poncherello, you invite your friends to parties.
- You're my friend.
- Yeah, but are you mine? Anyway, the party is for Jon.
His birthday, a surprise.
- And everybody is contributing.
- Surprise party for Jon, huh? All right, I tell you what.
I'll bring you vegetables from my garden.
How about that? Great, I was hoping you would.
Listen, bring 10 bucks' worth.
That's what everybody is kicking in.
Ten bucks' worth of vegetable? Oh, you mean 10 dollars.
Hi, sarge.
Sorry I'm late.
I was filling out reports alone.
Hey, you should have called me, Jon.
Yeah, Getraer.
I know where they are.
They're standing right here.
But we didn't get a subpoena.
Okay, right.
Thanks.
That was the c.
A.
's office.
That guy Ambrose you busted yesterday? He demanded a trial.
They're gonna give it to him.
Division 65 in 30 minutes.
- Okay, we're gone.
- Okay.
All right, Poncherello.
Here's your 10 bucks.
I should get a receipt.
Thanks, sarge.
Right.
After additional high-speed pursuit within the parking facility the suspect's vehicle collided with another, which was parked.
After a minor altercation the suspect was taken into custody.
Are you saying that Mr.
Ambrose resisted arrest? Your Honor, the defense will stipulate that the defendant apparently resisted arrest.
- Cross-examine? - No.
We have no desire to keep this fine young officer from his duties any longer than is necessary, Your Honor.
No questions.
You're excused.
The people rest, Your Honor.
I call Mr.
Ambrose.
"Fine young officer"? It's the old end-around.
You better keep your eye on the ball.
Mr.
Ambrose did you in fact resist arrest? Well I admit it might have looked that way but In actual fact, when Officer Poncherello there raised his handcuffs I thought he was going to hit me with them.
So naturally I pushed him away.
- Like a sort of a reflex reaction? - Yes.
In self-defense? Yes, sir.
Well, that's what I thought in the heat of the moment but After sober reflection, I realized that I was wrong.
And in fact, Officer Poncherello there did not attempt to assault me.
And I would like to apologize.
I realize now that he was just doing his duty.
Of course.
Now, Mr.
Ambrose, you You have heard the testimony regarding your alleged reckless driving? Yes, sir.
And I would not challenge one word of it.
Well, now, you were indeed driving recklessly.
- No, sir.
But it certainly must have looked that way.
In fact, I had no more control of that car than those two officers sitting there.
Would you explain that further, Mr.
Ambrose? Here it comes.
Well in order to conserve fuel, I had the car in cruise control.
Now, the device stuck when I approached the off-ramp.
And I just simply could not slow down.
Your Honor, we submit that what we have here is not reckless driving but simply a failure in equipment.
You may cross-examine, counselor, if you wish.
- May we have a moment, Your Honor? - Of course.
Mr.
Ambrose would you explain to the court the manner in which the cruise control on your automobile operates? Sure.
Well, you get up to speed, you press the button and it keeps it on that speed until you step on the brakes.
Only this time it just didn't cut out.
Aside from pushing the button and stepping on the brake do you have any understanding of the mechanics of the cruise control? No, I just drive them.
I don't build them.
Of course.
Now, at the time of your arrest, did Officers Poncherello and Baker conduct an inspection of your car? Well, a superficial examination, yeah.
And how superficial? Well, windshield wipers, horns, taillights, like that.
- Stop lights? - They never looked at the cruise control.
I understand.
But the things they did inspect taillights, stop lights, horn they were all in good working order? Yes, sir.
They all worked perfectly.
Your Honor, we have no more questions for Mr.
Ambrose.
I'd like to recall Officer Poncherello.
What's this all about? Where's he been? Officer Poncherello.
Will you tell the court if it's normal for you to conduct a mechanical inspection following an arrest as you described earlier? No, sir, but we figured Mr.
Ambrose would try to get cute with us.
He says you didn't inspect his cruise control.
We didn't have to.
We knew it was in perfect shape.
Would you tell the court how you knew? Yes, sir.
When you press the brake, the cruise control disengages and the stop lights are activated.
If that circuit had malfunctioned for any reason the stop lights wouldn't have worked.
Your Honor, Officer Baker just stepped out to his partner's motorcycle and presented this statement taken from the service manager of the automobile agency where Mr.
Ambrose purchased his car.
It corroborates Officer Poncherello's testimony.
And the service manager's agreed to appear as an expert witness if the court deems necessary.
Your Honor my client begs to change his plea to guilty as charged.
You may step down, Officer Poncherello.
The defendant will approach the bench.
Nice work.
You know what the fellows always say: "Be prepared.
" Mr.
Ambrose you recklessly endangered the public safety.
I fine you $250 and damages.
And sentence you to five days in county jail.
Remanded.
L.
A.
, 7 Mary 3, I have an 11-80 west of Hollywood.
Is there anyone that can hear me? Oh, please get me out of here.
Oh, hurry, please! Oh, thank God.
Help me, please, hurry.
Help me.
I must be caught on something.
Help me, hurry.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
We're on fire.
Okay, just hold on to me.
Come on, I'll get you out of here.
Come on, hold on to me.
Help me, please.
It hurts, don't.
Okay.
Okay.
Is that better? Yeah.
I couldn't breathe.
Just hold me.
It's all right.
- Put your hands where I can see them.
- Look, officer Put your hands on the wheel now! You don't understand.
I was going - Hey.
- Come on.
You don't understand.
I didn't see your lights until just - I was coming down - Put your right hand on your head.
- You didn't see my lights? - No, I didn't.
I didn't see anything.
You didn't see what happened a mile back.
No.
- Was it good? - Listen, mister you're stone drunk.
- You might have killed someone.
- That car was Minding its own business.
Innocent.
Wait, you're not You're not kidding, are you? You mean You mean I might really I might really have killed somebody.
Mister, why would I kid you? I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
No, oh, no, I'm sorry.
- Move.
- No.
Oh, no.
Spread your feet.
The pain seems to be going away.
That's good.
It hurt so much before.
Now I can't feel anything.
I can't move my legs.
Hey, it's okay.
Just don't try.
Just lie perfectly still, all right? Hey, what's your name? I'm Susan.
Susan Wyatt.
- Listen, Susan - It's Susie.
Yeah, well, how old are you, Susie Wyatt? I'm 17.
- You go to school? - Valley High.
I was going to an awards thing.
The Palladium.
Were you going to get an award? I'm the honored graduate.
Bet you got all A's, huh? No.
I got one B in cooking.
But it's okay because I'm going to be a nurse anyway.
You just remind me to get sick and not to get hungry, okay? They're gonna take you away from me now, Susie.
The paramedics are here, okay? You are slowing down, the fire unit beat you here.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
What do we got here, Jon? She had her legs pinned.
She's not feeling any pain now.
You're going to be okay, right, Susie? You'll be okay.
You'll be in the hospital in no time.
Listen, they'll probably keep you for observation.
You keep your eyes open, okay? - Watch those nurses do their thing.
- Okay, easy does it.
Okay.
I'm gonna have to leave you now, Susan.
Oh, no.
Hey, come on, you're going to be all right.
Listen, I'll keep in touch.
Okay? We all will.
I promise.
You going to a.
m.
Briefing? Do I have a choice? Sure, if you want, I'll square with the sarge.
That's not the point, Ponch.
I wouldn't want to miss anything important, though.
The cattle rustlers struck again last night in the Saugus area.
The same m.
o.
A hole in the fence, dirt bikes.
That's their third hit.
Section 28, 10-A of the vehicle code authorizes you to pull over any vehicle you suspect is carrying stolen timber farm produce, poultry, or livestock.
And how do we determine if the vehicle load is stolen? Through examination of the driver's bills of lading and weight certificates.
They carry a complete description of the load, weight, point of origin, and destination.
Now, pay particular attention to the weight certificates.
They can only be issued by authorized, state-approved, public weigh stations.
Now, keep in mind that these dudes are rustlers, they're not forgers.
Now, there's been some pressure on this.
Not only the cattle growers but their insurance companies are demanding action, so Let's Let's give it to them, huh? Okay, next item.
Maria Davis, 3rd floor, please.
- Hello.
- Hi, Maria, this is Jon.
Not Jon Baker, couldn't be.
I'm sure he lost my number a long time ago.
Come on, give me a break, okay? - You know what my life is like.
- I know mine and it's better when I see some old friends once in a while.
Okay, love, you've properly chastised me.
Now, you want to do me a favor? Check for an accident victim.
I knew it wasn't cupid suddenly getting to you.
- What's her name? - Susie, Susie Wyatt.
She came in today.
Hold on.
Jon? - Yeah.
- They're getting ready for surgery.
It's too soon to tell if there's any permanent damage.
Oh, okay.
- Thanks a lot.
I'll be talking to you soon.
- I'm counting on it.
Oh, and Jon, the flowers are beautiful.
- Oh, what do you mean? - The flowers in the kid's room.
The card is signed from CHP, but I assume they're from you.
Oh, yeah, well, you assumed wrong.
But thanks anyway.
- I'll be talking to you later.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
That was the hospital.
They're ready to do surgery.
They don't know if she's gonna be paralyzed yet.
Tough.
Oh, by the way, do you know if there's a florist around here? Yeah, Wilson's on the corner, but you don't have to You know, it really bothers me to work with a partner with a heart of stone.
You guys gonna put in a full day's work or I have to start rewarding half days off every time you handle an accident, huh? I guess we work.
Well, congratulations.
I'm sure the commissioner will be grateful.
L.
A.
15, 7 Adam.
I'm effecting a stop on a cattle truck.
Southbound San Diego at Mulholland.
License number is VN-6862.
Please roll a backup unit for assistance.
Any unit in the vicinity of Mulholland, roll and assist 7 Adam with a stop involving a cattle truck.
L.
A.
7 Mary 4.
We're rolling northbound from Sunset.
Gentlemen, could you please climb out? Hey, Mr.
Hoskins, how you doing? Why, howdy.
- It's Officer Baricza, ain't it? - Yeah.
Hey, now, wouldn't it be nice if you was stopping me to tell me you got my stolen stock back? No stock, sir.
That's a job for the sheriff's department.
But I was stopping you to check your bill of lading.
Well, I don't need no bill of lading.
I don't quite understand that, Mr.
Hoskins.
Could you step down and follow me to the shoulder? Oh, you bet.
Yes, sir.
Anything to oblige.
Now, about this lading bill see, there ain't none because these cattle ain't been sold.
Matter of fact, this is the same herd you saw the other day.
Or what's left of them after them cattle rustlers got through with me.
I'm just moving them up to the north range.
- It's better grazing up there.
- You'd have a weight certificate then.
No, sir.
I don't.
I don't have no call for that red tape neither.
You say these are the same cows, huh? Oh, absolutely.
Though I wouldn't expect a city boy to be able to tell one from the other.
But the brand I saw on those cows the other day was It was kind of a bar in front of an H.
The brand in there is an X in a circle.
Oh, well, it don't mean a thing.
Well, I don't know that much about it, sir.
It seems to me that these steers come from some ranch other than your own.
I can see how you think that.
The truth is circle X is another one of my registered brands.
As a matter of fact I think we have our certificate of brand registration up in there somewhere.
Don't we, Buck? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Here you go, officer.
Hey, I'm okay.
Go get those guys.
Well, what do we got here? Looks like a couple of wet rats to me.
So this Hoskins guy was collecting two ways.
First he sells his cattle, reports them stolen.
Then he collects from the insurance company.
No.
No, wait a minute, old buddy.
You don't need a key.
I know a locksmith.
Surprise! Happy birthday! Happy birthday, you handsome thing.
Oh, thank you, Mamie.
Fritz, Gross, Bar sarge, thanks a lot.
But I mean, when it's my birthday I'll do the same for you.
When your what does what? When it's my birthday, in a couple months from now.
Today is your birthday.
I got it right out of your personnel file.
Wait a minute, come here.
Excuse me, sarge.
Listen.
Oh, wait a minute, Ponch.
You got my employee number, not my birthday.
Ponch.
Great, Ponch.
Really great.
All right, so it's not your birthday, so what? Somebody's birthday, huh? - Yeah, that's right.
- Here, have some.
- What's its name? - Zucchini.
I grew it in my garden.
Here.
- Hey, how about you? - No, thanks, sarge.
You don't like zucchini? Hey, I love it, but I'm the host here.
And I've got some hosting to do.
Here, have another one.
Come on.
Folks, listen up.
I want you to meet the classiest magician around.
Known from San Pedro to Burbank as Marvello the Great.
Thank you.
And this here is his niece, Virginia.
Well, I brought a few of my friends.
Fifty-two to be exact.
Let's see what we can do with that.
A little fun with a pack of cards, huh? Few cards hanging around the joint.
Good night.
Just a regulation pack of cards.
Let's see what they look like, fanned out.
Pretty.
Here's what they look like in a 25-cent poker game.
How about hitting the big game? Awful hand.
Hey, Jon, you got a phone call.
- Hello? - Jon? I just thought you'd like to know that Susie Wyatt is out of surgery.
And it looks like she's gonna be okay.
Hey, all right.
You just made my birthday party.
Well, it's not exactly my birthday.
It's a party.
You wanna come? Yeah, what time you get off duty? Okay, I'll pick you up in an hour.
All right, thanks a lot.
Goodbye.
- He's the greatest, huh? - No, he's not the greatest.
- Susie's the greatest, she'll be all right.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Excellent cut.
There you are, definitely cut, right? Behind the back.
In less than 30 seconds we put the rope back again.
Watch.
One, two three.
Made it.
What are you laughing at? Think that's easy with arthritis? That was great, Marvello.
Don't you do magic? There is one illusion that I've been working on.
But I was saving it for my opening in Vegas.
Does that mean you'll do it now? Well, it's very extraordinary.
It's never been done on any stage before.
Oh, come on.
You're not gonna disappoint Well, since you put it that way.
Do you have any milk? Oh, milk? Yeah.
- I need newspaper.
- Newspaper? There's some right there.
- Right here.
- Fine.
We'll form this into a What they call a cornucopia.
There we are.
We might say that this piece of paper is watertight.
Or should I say "milk-tight.
" Watch.
Would you mind all stepping back? Plenty of room, it's a big act.
There we go.
Watch.
Voilà! Watch, everybody.
Now, watch.
You know, this costs 30 bones in Vegas.