Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e14 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # Bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (thunder rumbling) (DW) At last, the programming is complete! With the mere push of a button, I, Darkwing Duck, will transfer a zillion megablips of information from my mainframe computer to the Thunderquack's new onboard computer! All plugged in and ready to zap, DW.
Excellent, LP.
No matter where we are in time or space, we'll have complete access to all my files! And video games.
- (Gosalyn) Incoming! - Incoming? Great stop, Dad.
OK, now, this time, Honker, don't close your eyes.
Oh, sorry, Gosalyn.
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
- Just a second.
- Gosalyn! Aw, gee, Dad, you ruined my shot.
If you hadn't noticed, I happen to be working here.
Really? Can I help? No, thank you.
I'd rather the equipment remain in one piece.
I don't break that much stuff.
What's this button do? There, you see? You can't keep your hands off.
This is not one of your toys.
Right.
It's one of yours.
- Grownups get all the neat stuff.
- (mutters) Grownups get all the neat stuff.
This neat stuff is a sophisticated piece of crime-fighting equipment that will track criminal records, analyze evidence, relay information - And play video games.
- and play video games.
Ooh! When you're older, you'll learn to treat things with respect.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must begin the data transfer.
Just like so.
Like so.
Like so.
Like so! (muttering) - Why don't you try - Give me that! Take that and that and that and some of this I've always admired DW's knack with machinery.
(panting) That's showin' it some respect, Dad.
(buzzing) Nothing to worry about.
Just a little short circuit.
Um, I don't think it's supposed to do that.
(all screaming) (DW's voice) Is everyone OK? (Gosalyn's voice) That was epic.
Let's do it again! (Honker's voice) I'm OK.
Uh, sorta.
(LP's voice) Launchpad McQuack, all present and accounted for.
(coughs) I think.
Everything's kinda fuzzy.
- Gosalyn, where are you? - Here, Dad.
- Gosalyn? - Dad? (both scream) (both scream) Something must have gone wrong when I bashed that button.
Instead of transferring information, I transferred us.
(gasps) Trapped in a child's body.
How can I battle the criminal element like this? Oh, bad guys are really gonna take me seriously now! I'm a grownup? All right, no more G-rated movies for me! Looks like I'm gonna need a booster seat.
How long is this gonna last, Dad? How am I supposed to know? For all I know, it could be permanent! Permanent? Oh, what about my hockey playoffs? Whoa, does this mean I have to go back to school? l-it was bad enough the first time.
(ding) Keen gear! I got a message! Ah-ah-ah.
You mean I got a message.
It's from SHUSH.
J.
Gander Hooter wants me to call in ASAP.
Darkwing.
thank you for answer What? Oh, no.
(Hooter) Eh.
Darkwing? Darkwing Duck? Where are you? - Right here, J.
Gander.
What's up? - Gosalyn, what are you doing? What's happened to your voice, Darkwing? M-my voice? Oh, that.
I'm practicing disguising my voice, you know, just in case.
Ah.
Good thinking.
Darkwing.
A little girl's voice could come in handy.
uh.
I suppose.
Good save, huh, Dad? But.
ahem.
now on to business.
Darkwing.
The "Iggy" - the largest intergalactic rocket ever built - has been stolen! No fooling! By who? Well.
ahem.
I was hoping that you might investigate that.
Me? Oh, yeah, right.
No problem.
Darkwing Duck out.
(groans) All right! Hear that? Hooter wants me on the case.
Correction, he wants Darkwing Duck.
Bottom line, babes, I may be a size two petite, but I'm still me.
(crash) But Gosalyn, we can't go to the movies.
Your dad said Hey, since when does a kid tell an adult what to do? But we're not really adults.
We just look like adults.
(Gosalyn) Same difference, trust me.
B-b-b-but you don't know how to drive.
How hard can it be? Adults do it.
(gulps) (engine starts) (tires screech) - Piece of cake.
- (horn blares) - (both screaming) - (horn blaring) (both scream) See? That wasn't so bad.
(both scream) (both) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! (both) Yike! Honker, never ever let me do that again, OK? (Honker) OK.
(DW) This is an outrage! You are impeding my criminal investigation! And you are trying my patience.
But he really is Darkwing Duck.
Honest.
Yeah, and I'm the root-rot fairy.
Now listen, kiddies.
If you don't skedaddle, I'm gonna call your mommy and daddy.
Perhaps a tactical retreat is in order.
Kids have the darndest imaginations.
Atten-hut! Uh, at ease, soldier.
Whew.
Huh? - Now what, DW? - We wait until dark.
I can't believe it.
It's 9pm and it's still not dark.
Color me crazy, but I have a hunch whatever's going on has something to do with that stolen rocket.
(siren blaring) Something wrong, officer? - How old are you? - Um, old enough to know better? (Gosalyn) I'm no rocket scientist, but I think it's weird that the sun looks stuck.
Yeah, maybe it's because it's 10:00 and the sun never set.
Golly, it would mean that something stopped the rotation of the earth.
(Gosalyn) Oh, gah, gah! Oh, boy! This is gonna be major-league fun! - Mr.
Drake Mallard? - Hiya Dad.
Uh, ahem.
(deep voice) What seems to be the trouble? Well, sir, I caught these two taking a joyride on a pretty fancy motorcycle.
What? A joyride? We were not taking a joyride, you buffoon.
We were on an important mission for the gover (muffled) Her shrink warned me about this sort of thing.
Well, I suppose I could let them off with a warning this time.
All right! You're the coolest! When are you two gonna show a little responsibility? You're both grounded for life and your allowance is suspended until further notice.
(normal voice) Fun, huh, Dad? Just like when you yell at me.
I never yell at you like that.
(gasps) (yelling) You're grounded for life and your allowances suspended until Yow! (Gosalyn) How'd the flashquack find us here? I had it on flashquack forward.
I've got to contact J.
Gander Hooter immediately! Ah.
whew.
Darkwing Duck.
we've just received this videotape.
I'm afraid F.
O.
W.
L.
is behind our troubles.
Do I look all right? Ooh.
Hiya.
It's time for a little educational televisión.
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
Courtesy of the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny.
I might have known that jerk Steelbeak would be behind this.
OK, listen up.
Today's lesson is "How to Cook Up a Crisis.
" First, take one merrily spinning planet.
Add one Iggy super rocket to bring it to a stop.
Chill one half till frozen while frying the other half like a burger.
Bon appètit.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Oh.
by the way.
if this little bit of epicurean delight is not to your particular taste, just have the world governments cough up and we'll send you the chicken salad instead.
(laughing) (Hooter) So you see.
Darkwing.
Steelbeak has used the engines of "Iggy" as giant retro rockets to stop the rotation of the earth.
Soon.
the side away from the sun will freeze completely.
while our side sizzles.
It's not a bluff.
The sun should have set seven hours ago.
No wonder I'm cranky.
It's way past my bedtime.
The rocket is in the North Handle of the Midriff Mountains.
Our SHUSH agents have failed to penetrate his defenses.
You.
Darkwing Duck.
are our only hope.
No problem, you can count on me.
Oh.
that vocal impression again.
Don't worry.
I'll pluck that chicken Steelbeak, or my name isn't Darkwing Duck.
Oh.
ventriloquism too? You never cease to amaze me.
Darkwing.
Good luck.
Launchpad, to Darkwing Tower and the Thunderquack.
Gee, Dad, you think Steelbeak is gonna take a couple of kids seriously? She's got a point there, DW.
We're a little short on the old Darkwing style.
OK, fine, you can go.
- Yahoo! - Hey! Let's get dangerous.
Midriff Mountains, dead ahead.
(Gosalyn) Whoa! Totally schizoid! With the planet stopped, there's nothing to keep the temperature regulated.
(LP) What a choice - deep-fried or flash-frozen.
Whoa.
Iggy, up ahead.
We've got to get inside that rocket and get this planet rotating again.
Oh, just a couple of F.
O.
W.
L.
egg men.
Now I can finally put this whiney little body to good use.
- Hey, watch that.
- Sorry, Gos.
Nothing personal.
What I meant was, I'll use your natural adorableness to appeal to their softer side.
Waah-ha-ha! Waah! He took my bow! Pickin' on a defenseless little girl, huh? Lookin' for an easy mark, weren't ya? Gee, I-I didn't, uh Well, way to go! You're a brat after my F.
O.
W.
L.
heart! Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Yeah.
You want us to rough her up a little bit for ya? Golly, these guys really are mean.
Nice work, kids.
Now stay put.
Launchpad and I will take it from here.
Hey, no fair! We did the hard part! Forget him.
We're gonna help whether he likes it or not.
But Gosalyn, your dad said Honker, I know my dad.
It's not what he says it's what he means.
- Then what's he mean? - Beats me.
I never pay attention.
These pint-sized bods come in handy every once in a while.
And now, to find Steelbeak.
Boy, oh, boy.
Did you kids pick the wrong fan club.
I gotta tell you, dressing up like Darkwing Doofus is not gonna score you any points around here.
You might as well give up now, iron breath, or fall prey to my patented double-flip web kick! Ha-ha-ha.
Right.
Well, you certainly have his stupid voice and corny patter down.
Let's see if you're so cocky when you're unconscious! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Put me down! All right, you got a sense of humor too.
Oh, by the way, you folks might consider changing your role models.
(whistles) Yo, egg men! Trash this spacesuit.
Yes, sir.
Hiya, Dad.
Happy to see us? No, I won't accept a check.
What am I, a drive-in teller? Sheesh.
What is it with these world leaders, huh? Don't they keep an extra trillion around anymore? What? Darkwing Duck? Well, I guess that explains the peanut gallery.
There's nothing I hate more than party-crashers.
Would you put your helmets back on? We're gonna be spotted.
- But they're so itchy.
- (Steelbeak) Attention.
all egg men.
Darkwing Duck has been spotted on the premises.
A luxurious all-expenses-paid vacation for two goes to that lucky F.
O.
W.
L.
agent who captures them.
Act now and receive a special gift set of fine Quackerware.
Stay calm.
don't panic.
(all scream) (all scream) - (punches) - (alarm sounding) Keen gear! They must have hit the gravity control.
Some rescue, huh, Dad? Yeah.
Lucky we survived it.
Now, let's get out of here.
(muffled speech) Come on, Dad, they're gaining on you.
(gibberish) (all) Whoa! Hey, hiya, guys.
You're just in time for the cookout.
We're having one of my specialties (grunting) roast duck.
Gosalyn, I think this is gonna hurt a whole bunch.
It's not gonna hurt at all, Honker, because my dad's gonna rescue us any second now.
(whimpers) One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand They couldn't get away with this if we were big.
Yeah, but we'd have to pay full price at the movies.
The kids are gonna take the heat that's meant for us, unless we can That's it! (grunting) Launchpad, I need your head.
Now there's something I don't hear every day.
This air lock is designed to stabilize air pressure.
So, all I have to do is increase the pressure then we'll crawl out of here.
- Hey, I'm impressed.
- Let's go.
Whoa.
Remind me to swear off pancakes.
Let's go find the kids.
But F.
O.
W.
L.
High Command must surely realize that 100 trillion dollars is difficult to come by.
Hey, read my beak.
Tell 'em to raise some taxes.
Heh-heh.
Like they need an excuse, right? But if we could just have a little more time.
Now, Hootie, Hootie, Hootie.
You wouldn't be stallin' old Steelbeak, would youse? You know, maybe hopin' your hired stooge Dimwing Dork would come to the rescue? Why.
of course not.
Nothing of the sort.
That's good, 'cause my pal Darkwing is about to become permanently indisposed.
What? All right, consider me very annoyed.
Now what? I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the butter that burns in your pan.
I am Darkwing Duck! Masterful disguise.
Darkwing.
(glass breaks) Kid, I don't have time to play games.
Except maybe Connect the Dots.
- Yipe! - (gunshots) Right now I sure wouldn't mind being my old size.
We gotta find another way in so we can help DW.
Steelbeak is no pushover.
Ehh, my dad's probably moppin' the place up with him.
- (gunshots) - I hope! Lucky Gosalyn's body is in such good shape.
All right, kid.
Let's see if youse can dodge this! No problem.
First we gotta get this thing pointed in the right direction.
W-w-what's going on? It's the maneuvering jets.
He's turning us around.
Way to hang, Dad! (grunting) (both) Whoa! I guess we're in position.
All he has to do is fire the main engines.
Hey! What's with you guys? - (Honker's voice) Launchpad? - (LP's voice) Honker? (both) Yes! The electric shock must have triggered the change.
I am very, very, very upset with you, kid.
Like I'm really scared.
Hey! Hey, what are you? Looks like it's my turn.
- (DW's voice) What happened? - You're you again! But if I'm here, then Gosalyn's there.
All right, ducky.
Playtime's over.
(Gosalyn's voice) Really? Heh-heh.
So soon? Hey, watch it.
You could hurt somebody.
That was the point.
Oh, yeah.
Well, gotta go.
Get away from there! Oh, she did it.
The earth's moving again.
All right, Gosalyn.
But where is she? Gosalyn! - Hi, Dad.
Bye, Dad.
- Huh? - Where is she? - (all) Uh-oh.
- You're pillow stuffing now, Duck! - (rumbling) Aah! Wonder where he's going.
I don't know, but I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.
- Nor anyone else's.
- (giggles) You can say that again.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck