Dead Like Me s01e14 Episode Script
Rest in Peace
Did you ever have one of those days? Not one of those days.
The other kind.
The kind of day where there was something in the air, something that had been on its way for a while.
Something good.
And maybe, because I think about myself, like, all the time, I was sure that something on its way was about me.
It's mine.
You're up early.
Did you sleep OK? JD woke me up a couple of times but I went back to sleep.
Is this what you're wearing today? Can JD come to the cemetery? - No.
- Why? Because he's a dog.
Fuck her.
You're coming.
That's what she did.
Well, that's what she said she did.
You have no respect for authority.
The discipline of a fucking piss-ant.
Wow, good morning to you, too.
You'd make a good cop.
We were just discussing you.
Were you, now? What was the topic of discussion? My wit, my charm, my pouty lips? You quit your new job the day after quitting at Happy Time.
- The very next morning.
- Your lips are pouty.
- How long did you last at the new gig? - Less than five minutes.
Got that one beat.
North London, the pizza parlour - Not interested.
It's George's day.
- What does that mean, it's my day? This is This is not Tabasco.
- Morning, Kiffany.
- How about a little breakfast? Need a little cash? Don't have a job.
Means you don't have any money.
And no prospects.
Just dead and stupid.
I don't need your money, Rube.
I found 20 bucks today.
- Save it, Georgia.
Breakfast is on me.
- Sweet.
Rube said it's her day, her breakfast is on me.
Thank you, Daisy.
I'll have "Breakfast at Tiffany's" with a large OJ and can you make the bacon extra, extra crispy? - You don't eat bacon.
- I know.
But Rube does.
- That's the way he likes it.
- So, what, you're Rube's butt-boy? Why, did you resign? And instead of hot tea, Kiffany, I'll have coffee.
- No, make that a green tea.
It's good for you.
- How about a hot cup of shut-the-fuck-up? I'm not sure you got the memo, Roxy, but it is my day.
- Nothing for me? - Not today.
That's right, not today! - Why? - Every so often, you get one of those days.
I wanted something good to come my way.
More than a free breakfast.
More than 20 bucks.
Just more.
- I'm a good-looking guy.
Am I not? Am I? - You're fine for a white boy.
Fuck "fine".
I think I radiate a certain raffish appeal.
Do I not? Do I? Reaper.
Too old.
You think everybody's a reaper.
Maybe the women I'm attracted to are more discerning.
But as far as drawing power goes, I've got it in spades.
Have I not? Have I? - How long since you've had sex? - With a woman.
- With a woman.
- Who's alive.
I have not had sex with a dead woman.
Technically.
Flores? Flores? Flores para los muertos.
- No, thank you.
- Flowers for the dead.
- Reaper.
- Serious reaper.
- How long has it been, Mason? - A while.
- How long exactly? - A few months.
- How many months? - Fifteen! - My stars, that's pathetic.
- Jesus! Pay for it.
Bang a hooker.
Look, I don't know what to do.
I can't think straight.
Daisy, you have to find me a woman.
- Be your pimp? - Please pimp me.
- Don't you have a soul to reap? - Yeah, here.
Zulu Records.
There's hot girls in here all the time.
Fuck off, man! Happy hunting.
My Post-it's not until later.
Let's see what kind of game you got.
Hey.
Morning.
So, welcome to Hot Yoga.
Sit.
Anyone here for the first time? Hey.
You lost? No.
I had an appointment in the area and just wanted to see what was here.
- What's your name? - Uh, Rube.
- What's yours? - I'm Arun.
- Arun Levert? - This is my studio.
Why don't you join us for class? You're here.
- I don't really do yoga.
- It doesn't matter.
You're here.
Be here.
- I can do that.
- Good.
Take off your clothes.
There are extra shorts in the cubby, OK? That's for you.
OK, let's begin.
Even though this job was getting in the way of the business of living Hello? .
.
there was no getting around the costs of that business.
I really needed money.
No way Delores could tell me no today.
It was my day.
- What do you mean "no"? - Millie.
Delores, you and I were like friends.
Then you quit.
And took a job from one of our postings and quit after an hour.
Five minutes.
- Millie, let me tell you a story.
- OK.
- Do you know who Wally Pip was? - Is that a real person? He played for the New York Yankees.
One summer day, Wally Pip did not feel well and asked to sit out for a game.
- I don't really like baseball.
- Do you know who replaced him? You ever heard of Lou Gehrig? I know there's a bad disease named after him.
Lou Gehrig played over 2,000 straight games for them.
He was known as "The Iron Horse".
I don't need a Wally Pip, Millie, and I don't need you.
You're joking, right? So who's my replacement? - Who's Lou Gehrig? - Mitchell.
- Mitchell is The Iron Horse? - Mm-hm.
Oh, please, Delores, just give me a second chance.
It's Ms Herbig now.
- I need my job back.
- We're done here.
Line two.
We're done, Wally.
Oh fucking unreal.
Hello.
Delores Herbig, how may I help you? Wait.
- How's it going, pretty lady? - Fuck off.
Press that down button! - That doesn't make it come faster.
- Fuck off! Murray's in shock! My neighbour said he pissed over her floor then just collapsed! I have to get him to a hospital.
- I think your husband - Murray's a cat, you ass-wipe.
You're in no condition to drive.
Let me drive.
Who are you calling an ass-wipe, ass-wipe? - Don't touch me! - I will if I want to.
Come on! Maybe you should drive.
Now let's go into "eagle".
Raise your hands above your head and swing them around, wrap them together.
Right elbow over left.
Twist.
Twist.
Twist.
Excellent job, Rube.
- My mother is really pissed off.
- So let her be pissed off.
It was her granddaughter, Joy.
You know what, Clancy? I don't like her.
She doesn't like me.
If it were any other day I still wouldn't wanna see her.
- Sorry I brought it up.
- I don't wanna see her today.
I am sorry I brought it up.
Answer that phone and I will shove it up your ass.
- Hi.
- Uh, so what happens today? - What do you mean? - What happens? Well, nothing much.
The reverend will say a prayer.
- And I'm gonna say something.
- Really? And you can say something if you want to.
OK.
So, what are you gonna say? I'm gonna say I can't deal with you today.
I have an emergency! Sign in, please.
Murray usually sees Doctor Wilson.
Doctor Wilson's not in.
Doctor Levy's here.
Can he see us right away? Hold on, I'm new.
There's a lady here who wants to see you right away.
Marcie.
Marcie.
I'm new.
Marcie! This is a cat emergency! I'll be right back.
- Come on, it probably won't be long.
- Meow, meow.
Meow, meow, mister.
- Excuse me.
I - Certainly.
- How's Murray doing? - Not very good.
What did you say your cat's name was? - Don't tell him, Delores.
- Murray, you hang in there, beautiful boy.
You beat the Jacuzzi.
You beat the ice cream truck.
- You've got seven lives left.
- What you reading? I appreciate the ride but I think Murray and I will be fine now.
- OK.
Hey, are you waiting for a pet? - Uh-huh.
But if you leave I don't know how we'll get home.
I don't want to leave Murray here overnight.
Well, I can stay.
So, what's your pet's name? Is it a dog? Snake? Ferret? - What's your problem? - Why aren't you sad? Maybe I am.
Or maybe my mom's boning the dude from animal control.
- You're full of shit, you little punk.
- Millie, he's a child.
I need the bathroom.
- Don't let him touch Murray.
- Why? Just don't.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe life was flipping me off again.
Maybe this wasn't my day at all.
OK.
Arun, could you demonstrate the plough pose for me? - I feel my form isn't good.
- Oh, it's good.
- I'd be happy to, Sandy.
- Thanks for the class.
You want your calves parallel like train tracks.
My yoga teacher used to get on my ass and stand there.
He was surfing away.
It's beautiful.
Thanks.
What just happened? You're dead.
- You're kidding me.
- No.
I have a neck injury.
I'm not supposed to do the plough pose.
But Sandy's so hot.
- You broke your neck.
- Wow.
Where are my pants? - So I'm dead and nobody gives a shit.
- They don't know yet.
I thought I put them in the second cubby.
- No one sees me, just you.
- These aren't mine.
Thanks for class, Arun.
Would you like to go get some tea? Arun? - Arun? - She wants to sleep with me.
Yeah, that's gotta hurt.
Hey! Shithead! Hootie & The Blowfish? Take it and get the fuck out of here.
This place is all about the initial salvo, the opening line.
Has to be clever, but at the same time suggest an inner beauty.
- D'you think you can do that? - Yes.
What's a line that's worked on you? - "I'm Gary Cooper.
" - That's not gonna work for me.
Yeah.
Just be yourself.
OK.
Only smarter.
Richer, more successful, clean-shaven, and I'm guessing a bigger cock.
Right.
You're English.
Use that to your advantage.
Be James Bond.
Give them the really sexual innuendo.
OK.
Hi.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again? Do either of you work for UPS? I noticed you checking out my package.
Nice legs.
What time do they open? Hi there.
Hi there.
Hi H H Hi there.
I'm not James Bond.
- What was that for? - It looked like fun.
- Was it? - Yeah.
I gotta run.
Just try being yourself.
- What are you looking for, sweetie? - I don't know.
OK.
I wanna bring something to her grave.
- Like what? - I said I don't know.
- You want help? - No.
Something of hers or something of yours? Mom.
Go away.
- Murray Herbig? - We usually see Dr Wilson.
He's at the zoo, had to deliver a baby orang-utan.
A breech birth.
High degree of difficulty.
- Murray hasn't been eating.
- Oh.
Let's have a listen.
OK Hm.
The heart rate is depressed, the kidneys are a bit big.
Any vomiting, unusual urination, coughing up hairballs? - And how about the cat? - What? A standard vet joke.
I'm old school.
Ha-ha-ha! That's not funny.
Look at her.
That's panic.
I'm sorry.
Well, my guess is that he's suffering some kind of renal failure.
- Oh, my Lord.
- Something frightened him.
He's not fond of being in the cat carrier.
Have you ever heard someone say that mankind is the only species who has the knowledge that he's gonna die? - Why? - Well, Murray's very old.
And he's sick.
- You think cats know, too? - Mm-hm.
But I'm gonna try and treat him.
I'm gonna do everything I can.
OK.
It's OK.
Just take deep breaths.
It seemed as if this day, my day, was a bit of a mixed bag.
I shouldn't have been surprised.
It's not like I was a particularly lucky girl.
under a sheet and toe-up in my studio.
Sorry.
The good-looking one here really cared about you.
Doesn't help my dead ass now.
- So what's next? - You're off to your final destination.
- Where's that? - No idea.
You have some idea.
You know a lot of shit and you play it close to the vest.
I would hate to play poker with you.
Don't nod, motherfucker, I'm dead.
Show me some cards.
Let me ask you something.
Yoga's supposed to be connected with the divine, right? In yoga, the drama of the universe gets acted out in our physical body.
Pure energy marries pure consciousness.
Trust me, only way to fly.
- For the opportunity of spiritual growth .
- Yeah, that too.
I led this serene, beautiful life and I am not embarrassed to tell you the women are phenomenal.
That one there, she got a little crush on you.
I try to live on the periphery.
I try not to get involved with the living.
OK, man, you stay on the periphery.
Sounds like fun.
He was so pure.
- I wanted him inside of me.
- I can't take this.
I gotta go.
Oi, little boy.
I was wondering if you could tell your pretty You motherf - You dropped this.
- Yeah.
What's ETD? Estimated time of death.
What is this? Whose estimated time of death? - Who are you? - I'm Mason.
Can I have this back, please? - What are you, some kind of grim reaper? - Yes.
- Say it.
- What? Tell me what you are.
Come on! Tell me what you are! I'm I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a reaper? Say it again.
Come on, say it again! I'm a I'm a reaper.
I'm a reaper! I'm a reaper! Yoga was very good for me, the way it made my body feel, my mind was at peace.
I loved some wonderful women.
Housewives, shop girls, lawyers, social workers.
Black, white, Asian.
- I was like a kid at a parade.
- Yeah, I've seen that parade.
- You're not one of those monk-hats? - No.
You know, vow of celibacy, silence, poverty.
That's some wrong-headed shit, don't you think? Yeah, I think it'd be wrong for you.
Touching, stretching, laughing, talking.
That's all I did, my whole life.
You should have talked to that pretty woman in my class.
She liked you.
- You think too much.
- I don't think enough.
You're a wise man.
And a wise man knows how to live.
A wise man knows how much he doesn't know.
I'm just saying I've seen a lifetime of love and affection.
- Then you're a lucky man.
- Try this one.
Very nice.
Don't forget to breathe.
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
- I hope we meet again.
- I hope so, too.
You know you take something for granted? That's how I was with Murray.
- He was just in the background.
- No, that's not true.
It's like that Joni Mitchell song.
I think you need to concentrate on On what? What? What could I possibly say? .
.
on the fact that Could I tell Delores I died earlier this year and I'm still waiting for even the tiniest bit of perspective? .
.
that the universe will take care of things.
Huh.
You really believe that? - Yes, I do.
- I don't know.
I think you need to trust that everything is going to be OK.
That the universe is going to take care of you, of Murray.
I realised by saying words I wasn't even sure I believed, that comfort was enough.
Maybe it was enough to tell Delores things were going to be OK.
Because even if they weren't, they would be, someday.
Mr Zetsman? The doctor said he couldn't find anything wrong.
Eddie's been acting so listless.
Is he sure? - You gotta go? - Yeah, my mom's picking me up.
Yeah, my mom, too.
- Your cat's gonna be OK.
- He is? - What's its name? - Eddie.
Eddie Rabbit.
- Can I pet him? - Sure.
Eddie likes kids.
He's a sweetheart.
Cool.
Ms Herbig? Dr Levy says your cat's feeling much better.
- Oh! - You can see him if you want.
Oh, God, what a day.
Oh! My day.
Do you want me to wait here? 'Cause I can.
No.
No, I'm fine.
I mean, I can stay if you want.
OK.
Oh, Millie I'll see you Monday morning at Happy Time, OK? Hey.
Hey! What? - So, uh, what's your name? - Charlie.
And your name's not Millie.
No, it's not Millie.
So how did you die, Not Millie? I got hit by a toilet seat that fell from a space station.
Toilet Seat Girl.
Cool.
- So what happened to you? - Got hit by a car.
Some drunk girl.
- So where do you live? - Here, there I gotta go.
Well, wait.
What's that for? I don't know.
Just having a day.
Just take it.
Awesome.
- So what's your real name? - George.
See you around, George.
Where are you today? No.
No.
# Do you know that behind of this bond She seems OK.
No, I don't I don't know anything.
Listen, I'll call you later.
# A-boom ba Can you hear my heart beat in this hurt? # Do you know that behind of this hurt # Lies the deep desire I'm in love, hey? # Make a wonderful love if I may # The day I dropped out of college I remember lying on my bed.
My mother came into my room and she had been crying.
She stared at me for a long time and then she said, "You only have one shot at life, Georgia.
This is no dress rehearsal.
" And I said, "You know what, Mom? Maybe I don't even wanna be in the play.
" A month later I was killed.
I wonder sometimes if someone was listening.
And I commit her soul to Thee.
Amen.
Amen.
Thank you very much.
D'you wanna go first? Shouldn't we wait for Dad? - Do you want me to wait? - Not really.
Georgia, I'm sorry I wasn't sweeter.
I'm sorry that I ever criticised your appearance because you were a beautiful girl.
- You forgot to meet her at the airport once.
- That was your father's fault.
If you say so.
Can I please just do this how I wanna do it? I I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't show you as much affection as I felt for you.
Because I did love you.
And I miss you.
- Nice, Mom.
- Thanks, honey.
Do you wanna say something? Yeah, but can you, like, go away? Seriously? Mom Thank you.
I miss you too.
Probably more than Mom does.
This is us fishing at the lake last summer.
And if somebody swipes it, I have the negative.
We could come back.
OK.
Maybe tomorrow.
It's me with my little sister.
Her handwriting's exactly like mine.
- Can I swipe this? - It's your grave.
Thank you, Daisy.
I keep forgetting how young you were when you were killed.
Is this a nice headstone? I mean, is it pretty? It's a good one.
Top drawer.
Where's Mason? There he is.
Hey, Mason.
I took his soul last year.
Right cocksucker.
Glad he's dead.
- There you go.
- You can put them there.
Rube, thank you! Everyone! - Champagne's cold.
Can we drink it now? - May I? Try not to snap the flutes.
They belong to my Aunt Lillian.
It is a good day to be a reaper.
OK, here's to George.
Dead like us.
- Cheers.
- To Georgia.
- To me.
- To you.
Hey, that is really good.
I have a confession to make.
- Graveside, no less.
- I've never had champagne before.
- Wow.
I've had too much.
- What does it taste like to you? Like I wish I never died.
- It's pretty where I am, isn't it? - Very pretty.
They usually put cemeteries on the edge of town.
Out of the way.
Next to railroad tracks, highways.
I like 'em in the middle of town.
Everybody can see us.
I love cemeteries.
The quiet, the stories, the headstones.
- I hate 'em.
- Why? 'Cause they live here.
- They who? - The gravelings, fool.
Over there.
Get outta there! Git! - A little more bubbly, everyone? - Please.
Georgia, I'm sorry for your loss .
.
things in life you won't do, people you won't know and who won't know you.
But there's this, this life .
.
where you are loved.
- Drink up.
- Cheers.
- "This is no dress rehearsal.
" - What's that? Some drunken writer said that there are no great second acts in life.
I'm not sure he knew what he was talking about.
Or maybe he just never knew me.
- Shall we let George kill the bottle? - I think we should.
So any Post-its tonight? That night, a man was killed by a speeding car and I was there to take his soul.
The street where he died turned into a flowing river of lights and he hesitated at its banks.
I told him to take a deep breath, "As if it's the last one you'll ever take.
" Because sometimes in life, or in death, I guess, you just never know.
ww.
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The other kind.
The kind of day where there was something in the air, something that had been on its way for a while.
Something good.
And maybe, because I think about myself, like, all the time, I was sure that something on its way was about me.
It's mine.
You're up early.
Did you sleep OK? JD woke me up a couple of times but I went back to sleep.
Is this what you're wearing today? Can JD come to the cemetery? - No.
- Why? Because he's a dog.
Fuck her.
You're coming.
That's what she did.
Well, that's what she said she did.
You have no respect for authority.
The discipline of a fucking piss-ant.
Wow, good morning to you, too.
You'd make a good cop.
We were just discussing you.
Were you, now? What was the topic of discussion? My wit, my charm, my pouty lips? You quit your new job the day after quitting at Happy Time.
- The very next morning.
- Your lips are pouty.
- How long did you last at the new gig? - Less than five minutes.
Got that one beat.
North London, the pizza parlour - Not interested.
It's George's day.
- What does that mean, it's my day? This is This is not Tabasco.
- Morning, Kiffany.
- How about a little breakfast? Need a little cash? Don't have a job.
Means you don't have any money.
And no prospects.
Just dead and stupid.
I don't need your money, Rube.
I found 20 bucks today.
- Save it, Georgia.
Breakfast is on me.
- Sweet.
Rube said it's her day, her breakfast is on me.
Thank you, Daisy.
I'll have "Breakfast at Tiffany's" with a large OJ and can you make the bacon extra, extra crispy? - You don't eat bacon.
- I know.
But Rube does.
- That's the way he likes it.
- So, what, you're Rube's butt-boy? Why, did you resign? And instead of hot tea, Kiffany, I'll have coffee.
- No, make that a green tea.
It's good for you.
- How about a hot cup of shut-the-fuck-up? I'm not sure you got the memo, Roxy, but it is my day.
- Nothing for me? - Not today.
That's right, not today! - Why? - Every so often, you get one of those days.
I wanted something good to come my way.
More than a free breakfast.
More than 20 bucks.
Just more.
- I'm a good-looking guy.
Am I not? Am I? - You're fine for a white boy.
Fuck "fine".
I think I radiate a certain raffish appeal.
Do I not? Do I? Reaper.
Too old.
You think everybody's a reaper.
Maybe the women I'm attracted to are more discerning.
But as far as drawing power goes, I've got it in spades.
Have I not? Have I? - How long since you've had sex? - With a woman.
- With a woman.
- Who's alive.
I have not had sex with a dead woman.
Technically.
Flores? Flores? Flores para los muertos.
- No, thank you.
- Flowers for the dead.
- Reaper.
- Serious reaper.
- How long has it been, Mason? - A while.
- How long exactly? - A few months.
- How many months? - Fifteen! - My stars, that's pathetic.
- Jesus! Pay for it.
Bang a hooker.
Look, I don't know what to do.
I can't think straight.
Daisy, you have to find me a woman.
- Be your pimp? - Please pimp me.
- Don't you have a soul to reap? - Yeah, here.
Zulu Records.
There's hot girls in here all the time.
Fuck off, man! Happy hunting.
My Post-it's not until later.
Let's see what kind of game you got.
Hey.
Morning.
So, welcome to Hot Yoga.
Sit.
Anyone here for the first time? Hey.
You lost? No.
I had an appointment in the area and just wanted to see what was here.
- What's your name? - Uh, Rube.
- What's yours? - I'm Arun.
- Arun Levert? - This is my studio.
Why don't you join us for class? You're here.
- I don't really do yoga.
- It doesn't matter.
You're here.
Be here.
- I can do that.
- Good.
Take off your clothes.
There are extra shorts in the cubby, OK? That's for you.
OK, let's begin.
Even though this job was getting in the way of the business of living Hello? .
.
there was no getting around the costs of that business.
I really needed money.
No way Delores could tell me no today.
It was my day.
- What do you mean "no"? - Millie.
Delores, you and I were like friends.
Then you quit.
And took a job from one of our postings and quit after an hour.
Five minutes.
- Millie, let me tell you a story.
- OK.
- Do you know who Wally Pip was? - Is that a real person? He played for the New York Yankees.
One summer day, Wally Pip did not feel well and asked to sit out for a game.
- I don't really like baseball.
- Do you know who replaced him? You ever heard of Lou Gehrig? I know there's a bad disease named after him.
Lou Gehrig played over 2,000 straight games for them.
He was known as "The Iron Horse".
I don't need a Wally Pip, Millie, and I don't need you.
You're joking, right? So who's my replacement? - Who's Lou Gehrig? - Mitchell.
- Mitchell is The Iron Horse? - Mm-hm.
Oh, please, Delores, just give me a second chance.
It's Ms Herbig now.
- I need my job back.
- We're done here.
Line two.
We're done, Wally.
Oh fucking unreal.
Hello.
Delores Herbig, how may I help you? Wait.
- How's it going, pretty lady? - Fuck off.
Press that down button! - That doesn't make it come faster.
- Fuck off! Murray's in shock! My neighbour said he pissed over her floor then just collapsed! I have to get him to a hospital.
- I think your husband - Murray's a cat, you ass-wipe.
You're in no condition to drive.
Let me drive.
Who are you calling an ass-wipe, ass-wipe? - Don't touch me! - I will if I want to.
Come on! Maybe you should drive.
Now let's go into "eagle".
Raise your hands above your head and swing them around, wrap them together.
Right elbow over left.
Twist.
Twist.
Twist.
Excellent job, Rube.
- My mother is really pissed off.
- So let her be pissed off.
It was her granddaughter, Joy.
You know what, Clancy? I don't like her.
She doesn't like me.
If it were any other day I still wouldn't wanna see her.
- Sorry I brought it up.
- I don't wanna see her today.
I am sorry I brought it up.
Answer that phone and I will shove it up your ass.
- Hi.
- Uh, so what happens today? - What do you mean? - What happens? Well, nothing much.
The reverend will say a prayer.
- And I'm gonna say something.
- Really? And you can say something if you want to.
OK.
So, what are you gonna say? I'm gonna say I can't deal with you today.
I have an emergency! Sign in, please.
Murray usually sees Doctor Wilson.
Doctor Wilson's not in.
Doctor Levy's here.
Can he see us right away? Hold on, I'm new.
There's a lady here who wants to see you right away.
Marcie.
Marcie.
I'm new.
Marcie! This is a cat emergency! I'll be right back.
- Come on, it probably won't be long.
- Meow, meow.
Meow, meow, mister.
- Excuse me.
I - Certainly.
- How's Murray doing? - Not very good.
What did you say your cat's name was? - Don't tell him, Delores.
- Murray, you hang in there, beautiful boy.
You beat the Jacuzzi.
You beat the ice cream truck.
- You've got seven lives left.
- What you reading? I appreciate the ride but I think Murray and I will be fine now.
- OK.
Hey, are you waiting for a pet? - Uh-huh.
But if you leave I don't know how we'll get home.
I don't want to leave Murray here overnight.
Well, I can stay.
So, what's your pet's name? Is it a dog? Snake? Ferret? - What's your problem? - Why aren't you sad? Maybe I am.
Or maybe my mom's boning the dude from animal control.
- You're full of shit, you little punk.
- Millie, he's a child.
I need the bathroom.
- Don't let him touch Murray.
- Why? Just don't.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe life was flipping me off again.
Maybe this wasn't my day at all.
OK.
Arun, could you demonstrate the plough pose for me? - I feel my form isn't good.
- Oh, it's good.
- I'd be happy to, Sandy.
- Thanks for the class.
You want your calves parallel like train tracks.
My yoga teacher used to get on my ass and stand there.
He was surfing away.
It's beautiful.
Thanks.
What just happened? You're dead.
- You're kidding me.
- No.
I have a neck injury.
I'm not supposed to do the plough pose.
But Sandy's so hot.
- You broke your neck.
- Wow.
Where are my pants? - So I'm dead and nobody gives a shit.
- They don't know yet.
I thought I put them in the second cubby.
- No one sees me, just you.
- These aren't mine.
Thanks for class, Arun.
Would you like to go get some tea? Arun? - Arun? - She wants to sleep with me.
Yeah, that's gotta hurt.
Hey! Shithead! Hootie & The Blowfish? Take it and get the fuck out of here.
This place is all about the initial salvo, the opening line.
Has to be clever, but at the same time suggest an inner beauty.
- D'you think you can do that? - Yes.
What's a line that's worked on you? - "I'm Gary Cooper.
" - That's not gonna work for me.
Yeah.
Just be yourself.
OK.
Only smarter.
Richer, more successful, clean-shaven, and I'm guessing a bigger cock.
Right.
You're English.
Use that to your advantage.
Be James Bond.
Give them the really sexual innuendo.
OK.
Hi.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again? Do either of you work for UPS? I noticed you checking out my package.
Nice legs.
What time do they open? Hi there.
Hi there.
Hi H H Hi there.
I'm not James Bond.
- What was that for? - It looked like fun.
- Was it? - Yeah.
I gotta run.
Just try being yourself.
- What are you looking for, sweetie? - I don't know.
OK.
I wanna bring something to her grave.
- Like what? - I said I don't know.
- You want help? - No.
Something of hers or something of yours? Mom.
Go away.
- Murray Herbig? - We usually see Dr Wilson.
He's at the zoo, had to deliver a baby orang-utan.
A breech birth.
High degree of difficulty.
- Murray hasn't been eating.
- Oh.
Let's have a listen.
OK Hm.
The heart rate is depressed, the kidneys are a bit big.
Any vomiting, unusual urination, coughing up hairballs? - And how about the cat? - What? A standard vet joke.
I'm old school.
Ha-ha-ha! That's not funny.
Look at her.
That's panic.
I'm sorry.
Well, my guess is that he's suffering some kind of renal failure.
- Oh, my Lord.
- Something frightened him.
He's not fond of being in the cat carrier.
Have you ever heard someone say that mankind is the only species who has the knowledge that he's gonna die? - Why? - Well, Murray's very old.
And he's sick.
- You think cats know, too? - Mm-hm.
But I'm gonna try and treat him.
I'm gonna do everything I can.
OK.
It's OK.
Just take deep breaths.
It seemed as if this day, my day, was a bit of a mixed bag.
I shouldn't have been surprised.
It's not like I was a particularly lucky girl.
under a sheet and toe-up in my studio.
Sorry.
The good-looking one here really cared about you.
Doesn't help my dead ass now.
- So what's next? - You're off to your final destination.
- Where's that? - No idea.
You have some idea.
You know a lot of shit and you play it close to the vest.
I would hate to play poker with you.
Don't nod, motherfucker, I'm dead.
Show me some cards.
Let me ask you something.
Yoga's supposed to be connected with the divine, right? In yoga, the drama of the universe gets acted out in our physical body.
Pure energy marries pure consciousness.
Trust me, only way to fly.
- For the opportunity of spiritual growth .
- Yeah, that too.
I led this serene, beautiful life and I am not embarrassed to tell you the women are phenomenal.
That one there, she got a little crush on you.
I try to live on the periphery.
I try not to get involved with the living.
OK, man, you stay on the periphery.
Sounds like fun.
He was so pure.
- I wanted him inside of me.
- I can't take this.
I gotta go.
Oi, little boy.
I was wondering if you could tell your pretty You motherf - You dropped this.
- Yeah.
What's ETD? Estimated time of death.
What is this? Whose estimated time of death? - Who are you? - I'm Mason.
Can I have this back, please? - What are you, some kind of grim reaper? - Yes.
- Say it.
- What? Tell me what you are.
Come on! Tell me what you are! I'm I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a reaper? Say it again.
Come on, say it again! I'm a I'm a reaper.
I'm a reaper! I'm a reaper! Yoga was very good for me, the way it made my body feel, my mind was at peace.
I loved some wonderful women.
Housewives, shop girls, lawyers, social workers.
Black, white, Asian.
- I was like a kid at a parade.
- Yeah, I've seen that parade.
- You're not one of those monk-hats? - No.
You know, vow of celibacy, silence, poverty.
That's some wrong-headed shit, don't you think? Yeah, I think it'd be wrong for you.
Touching, stretching, laughing, talking.
That's all I did, my whole life.
You should have talked to that pretty woman in my class.
She liked you.
- You think too much.
- I don't think enough.
You're a wise man.
And a wise man knows how to live.
A wise man knows how much he doesn't know.
I'm just saying I've seen a lifetime of love and affection.
- Then you're a lucky man.
- Try this one.
Very nice.
Don't forget to breathe.
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
- I hope we meet again.
- I hope so, too.
You know you take something for granted? That's how I was with Murray.
- He was just in the background.
- No, that's not true.
It's like that Joni Mitchell song.
I think you need to concentrate on On what? What? What could I possibly say? .
.
on the fact that Could I tell Delores I died earlier this year and I'm still waiting for even the tiniest bit of perspective? .
.
that the universe will take care of things.
Huh.
You really believe that? - Yes, I do.
- I don't know.
I think you need to trust that everything is going to be OK.
That the universe is going to take care of you, of Murray.
I realised by saying words I wasn't even sure I believed, that comfort was enough.
Maybe it was enough to tell Delores things were going to be OK.
Because even if they weren't, they would be, someday.
Mr Zetsman? The doctor said he couldn't find anything wrong.
Eddie's been acting so listless.
Is he sure? - You gotta go? - Yeah, my mom's picking me up.
Yeah, my mom, too.
- Your cat's gonna be OK.
- He is? - What's its name? - Eddie.
Eddie Rabbit.
- Can I pet him? - Sure.
Eddie likes kids.
He's a sweetheart.
Cool.
Ms Herbig? Dr Levy says your cat's feeling much better.
- Oh! - You can see him if you want.
Oh, God, what a day.
Oh! My day.
Do you want me to wait here? 'Cause I can.
No.
No, I'm fine.
I mean, I can stay if you want.
OK.
Oh, Millie I'll see you Monday morning at Happy Time, OK? Hey.
Hey! What? - So, uh, what's your name? - Charlie.
And your name's not Millie.
No, it's not Millie.
So how did you die, Not Millie? I got hit by a toilet seat that fell from a space station.
Toilet Seat Girl.
Cool.
- So what happened to you? - Got hit by a car.
Some drunk girl.
- So where do you live? - Here, there I gotta go.
Well, wait.
What's that for? I don't know.
Just having a day.
Just take it.
Awesome.
- So what's your real name? - George.
See you around, George.
Where are you today? No.
No.
# Do you know that behind of this bond She seems OK.
No, I don't I don't know anything.
Listen, I'll call you later.
# A-boom ba Can you hear my heart beat in this hurt? # Do you know that behind of this hurt # Lies the deep desire I'm in love, hey? # Make a wonderful love if I may # The day I dropped out of college I remember lying on my bed.
My mother came into my room and she had been crying.
She stared at me for a long time and then she said, "You only have one shot at life, Georgia.
This is no dress rehearsal.
" And I said, "You know what, Mom? Maybe I don't even wanna be in the play.
" A month later I was killed.
I wonder sometimes if someone was listening.
And I commit her soul to Thee.
Amen.
Amen.
Thank you very much.
D'you wanna go first? Shouldn't we wait for Dad? - Do you want me to wait? - Not really.
Georgia, I'm sorry I wasn't sweeter.
I'm sorry that I ever criticised your appearance because you were a beautiful girl.
- You forgot to meet her at the airport once.
- That was your father's fault.
If you say so.
Can I please just do this how I wanna do it? I I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't show you as much affection as I felt for you.
Because I did love you.
And I miss you.
- Nice, Mom.
- Thanks, honey.
Do you wanna say something? Yeah, but can you, like, go away? Seriously? Mom Thank you.
I miss you too.
Probably more than Mom does.
This is us fishing at the lake last summer.
And if somebody swipes it, I have the negative.
We could come back.
OK.
Maybe tomorrow.
It's me with my little sister.
Her handwriting's exactly like mine.
- Can I swipe this? - It's your grave.
Thank you, Daisy.
I keep forgetting how young you were when you were killed.
Is this a nice headstone? I mean, is it pretty? It's a good one.
Top drawer.
Where's Mason? There he is.
Hey, Mason.
I took his soul last year.
Right cocksucker.
Glad he's dead.
- There you go.
- You can put them there.
Rube, thank you! Everyone! - Champagne's cold.
Can we drink it now? - May I? Try not to snap the flutes.
They belong to my Aunt Lillian.
It is a good day to be a reaper.
OK, here's to George.
Dead like us.
- Cheers.
- To Georgia.
- To me.
- To you.
Hey, that is really good.
I have a confession to make.
- Graveside, no less.
- I've never had champagne before.
- Wow.
I've had too much.
- What does it taste like to you? Like I wish I never died.
- It's pretty where I am, isn't it? - Very pretty.
They usually put cemeteries on the edge of town.
Out of the way.
Next to railroad tracks, highways.
I like 'em in the middle of town.
Everybody can see us.
I love cemeteries.
The quiet, the stories, the headstones.
- I hate 'em.
- Why? 'Cause they live here.
- They who? - The gravelings, fool.
Over there.
Get outta there! Git! - A little more bubbly, everyone? - Please.
Georgia, I'm sorry for your loss .
.
things in life you won't do, people you won't know and who won't know you.
But there's this, this life .
.
where you are loved.
- Drink up.
- Cheers.
- "This is no dress rehearsal.
" - What's that? Some drunken writer said that there are no great second acts in life.
I'm not sure he knew what he was talking about.
Or maybe he just never knew me.
- Shall we let George kill the bottle? - I think we should.
So any Post-its tonight? That night, a man was killed by a speeding car and I was there to take his soul.
The street where he died turned into a flowing river of lights and he hesitated at its banks.
I told him to take a deep breath, "As if it's the last one you'll ever take.
" Because sometimes in life, or in death, I guess, you just never know.
ww.
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