Empty Nest (1988) s01e14 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on it's here! It's here! The paper covered our demonstration yesterday.
Oh, Carol, how terrific.
Eric said if we demonstrated in front of the hotel where the San rojos ambassador was speaking, we'd get press.
He was right ah, look.
The heat beat the Knicks.
Oh, muppets on ice is in town.
No, no, no, look.
Here here it is.
Oh, look there.
There.
There she is.
There you are.
- That's me holding the "freedom fighters: Yes", "colonel mendozzi: No" sign.
It feels so good to fight for something you believe in.
Oh, get off it, Carol.
If it weren't for Eric, you wouldn't even be out there.
Barbara, your sister's out there because she cares about what's going on in the world, and I, for one, am very proud of her.
Daddy, she's horny for this guy.
Carol, tell her, please.
Barbara, take a look at that butt.
You left me hanging here, Carol.
I have to admit, the man has one great butt.
What do you think, daddy? Now, you can't tell from that picture with this Leave me out of this discussion.
I've got to get ready.
Eric will be here in a minute.
We're picketing the San rojos consulate today.
I really don't like the idea of Carol running around with troublemakers like that.
It's dangerous.
Oh, daddy.
I got to go.
We're busting a crack house.
Oh, that's good news.
Hey, Charley.
Yeah, sure.
Barbara, I need a favor.
I'm applying for one of those personalized license plates, and I need one that's going to make women want to follow me home.
So? Okay, picture this: You're driving on the highway, you see me in a car with a license plate that says, "sex god.
" What do you do? Become an atheist.
Okay, forget that.
What about these? "Hunk number one," "hot guy,.
" "Mr.
sizzle.
" Charley, the only person who would respond to those is a girl with a license plate that reads "moron.
" Interested.
You know her? Whoa, something wicked this way comes.
Oh, well, look what the cat dragged in and hawked up.
Oh, ha, ha.
Like you have a cat.
- Eric, hi.
- Hi, how are you? Oh, this is my father, Dr.
Harry Weston.
- Pleasure.
- How do you do? And my sister, Barbara the cop.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Well, Eric, we've heard a lot about you.
All true, I see.
Uh, why don't you have a seat? Would you like some coffee? There's a little breakfast.
No, I'm fine, thanks.
So, Eric, what exactly do you have planned for Carol today? My dear little sister is afraid I'll be dodging bullets and storming government buildings.
No, no, no.
Actually, we're pretty harmless.
Just some people who care, picketing and passing out informational material.
Well, have fun.
But keep it moving, and don't block traffic.
So, Eric, Carol tells me you're something of a cause man.
I don't go looking for fights, Dr.
Weston, but when I was down in San rojos and saw the oppression down there, I had to get involved.
He was arrested and interrogated by their military.
Oh, I really admire that.
You know, I was kind of sorry that I missed out on the whole protest movement of the '60s, you know? I know this probably sounds silly, but I've always regretted that I was never tear-gassed.
Don't be.
I've been through it.
You want the experience? Just dunk your head in a bucket of vinegar and open your eyes.
On second thought, maybe it was the love-in thing I regretted missing, you know? Good morning, Laverne.
Oh, that's still up for grabs.
Jeffrey millstein's in your office.
He says it's just some guy talk.
I didn't pry any further.
Good morning, Jeffrey.
Always nice to see you.
And what can I do for you today? I've been wrestling with a major disturbance of the psyche lately.
Well, isn't that what your therapist, Dr.
Philips, is for? Oh, he fed me the usual psychobabble.
Something about a precocious midlife crisis.
Once again, he completely ignored the obvious.
And what is the obvious? Dr.
Weston, I need a woman.
Aha.
A woman.
A woman, hmm? Preferably one in her 30s.
What's wrong with girls your own age? Girls my age are okay, I guess, but they just don't make my pants dance.
Jeffrey, you're too young for dancing pants.
Dr.
Weston, there's an emptiness in my life that only a woman can fill.
So I'll tell you what I'll do.
I will make an appointment with Dr.
Philips for you and your dad, and you can discuss your problem, okay? Okay.
But you will understand if I begin my search for the ideal woman in the meantime? - If you must.
- Okay.
Well, Dr.
Weston, wish me luck on my honey hunt.
- Bye, Dr.
Weston.
- Bye, Jeffrey.
Good-bye, nurse Todd.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Carol, I really appreciate you staying here so late.
You must be exhausted.
Everybody else left hours ago.
No problem.
I like the cause.
And I like the man behind the cause.
Not to mention, the behind behind the man behind the cause.
I really enjoyed meeting your dad this morning.
Yeah? Well, he liked you too.
You know, in his own way, daddy really is into causes.
You know that he will not write a prescription on paper that hasn't been recycled? Middle-class guilt.
Without it, we'd be lost.
You have such a terrific way of looking at everything.
Well, you got to keep your faith in mankind, you know? I mean, there's just too much beauty around worth fighting for.
That man in San rojos who only wants to give his kids their piece of the future, the endangered snow leopard with both the blessing and the curse of his beautiful pelt, those incredible brown eyes of yours They could make me forget all about that man in San rojos and that cat.
Good morning, daddy.
Morning, total stranger.
I haven't seen you in two weeks.
I know.
We've been working hard.
I've been up since the crack of dawn distributing leaflets.
Oh, daddy, when Eric gets here, tell him I'll be down in a minute, okay? Oh, hold it, hon.
Oh, hi.
Rose.
Hi.
I just stopped by to return these.
They were on the windshield of every car in the neighborhood.
It took me most of the morning, but I think I got them all.
I saw your address on the bottom and I figured you'd want them back.
Uh, rose, these are leaflets.
They're supposed to be on the windshields.
Oh.
Of course.
Why? Uh, so people can read them.
Well, how are you supposed to read them going back and forth like that? Although maybe on the slower speed, they might be easier to read.
But, no, that would still distract you from your driving.
Maybe intermittent speed.
No, rose.
Rose, rose, rose.
Dear, I thank you very much for returning these.
It saves me the time of having to do it all by myself.
Although, you know, if you shut off the key in the middle of a wipe, it might hold it still.
But of course then your car would stop and you'd be stuck in the middle of traffic.
Boy, this is a puzzler.
I'll have to get back to it.
Oh, I thought I got them all.
You can just put them right over there on the table.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye-bye, rose.
Carol, Eric's here.
Excuse me, listen.
I got to run.
Oh, listen.
Do me a favor, would you? Picket my house for a while.
I never get to see my daughter anymore.
- Eric.
- Hi.
How are you? Carol, sit down.
We got to talk.
I knew it.
Things have been going too well these past two weeks.
You're leaving me, aren't you? - No.
- Thank god.
Well, yes.
Did I do something wrong between answers? Carol, I got a flight out tomorrow to San rojos.
You are leaving.
I told you, I'm not the kind of guy who can stand idly by.
I've got to go down there and see what I can do.
But what about us and the work we've been doing? Well, I'll do whatever I can down there and you stay here and keep the home effigies burning.
All right? Look, I got to update my passport.
I'll swing by tonight with the files, and we can talk, okay? I guess.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I got to go.
I'm sorry too.
Good morning, Laverne Jeffrey's done it again.
Another love sonnet.
Oh, yeah.
But this one's not quite up to the level of the others.
"My bologna has a first name, it's I-a-v-e-r-n-e.
" Need I go further? No, no.
I'm already misting up here.
Daddy, can we talk? It's important.
Sure, baby.
Yeah, yeah.
Excuse us, Laverne.
Come here.
So what's the matter, baby? Eric's leaving.
I just found out.
He's flying to San rojos tomorrow.
Oh, honey.
I'm sorry.
I know things were getting serious.
The reason I'm here is I need a couple of things.
Sure, dear.
What? Cholera vaccination.
Malaria medication.
What is all this? It's for immigration.
I'm going to San rojos with Eric.
San rojos? Well, then, let me say this in Spanish so you really understand me: No.
You're going to San rojos? You're going to south America? This is crazy.
Carol, you've only known this man a few weeks.
But I love him, and it's important what we're doing together.
What, this killing your father thing? Daddy, there's a plane leaving for San rojos tomorrow, and I'm going to be on it.
I just want you to be happy for me.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
Then I'll just have to settle for the shots.
I can't do that either.
Will you at least validate my parking? See you later, Carol.
No, you won't.
I'm off to the jungles of San rojos.
All righty.
Hello, Jeffrey.
Hello, nurse Todd.
I brought you apple blossoms, the Arkansas state flower.
Oh, well, now, that is sweet.
I'll put these in some water.
I stopped by because I had a dream about you last night.
Uh-huh.
Actually, it was about a dinosaur, but my therapist said it represented you.
It was wearing white stockings and everything.
Jeffrey, shouldn't you be in school right now? What is school when my starched white goddess beckons? I beg your pardon? I think it's time our relationship moved on to a new level, nurse Todd.
Say, dinner tonight at Andre's, 8:00-ish? Jeffrey, no-ish.
Clearly I haven't sent nearly enough sonnets.
Did you know I play the lute? Jeffrey, maybe we better have that dinner.
We need to talk.
Good.
Tonight at 8:00.
I'm in Southern-fried love.
Laverne, is it just me, or has the whole world gone insane? Hello, Mr.
millstein.
It's Laverne Todd, at Dr.
Weston's office.
Uh-huh.
I'm calling about my date with your son Jeffrey tonight.
I'll take that for a yes.
Thank you, Laverne.
Barbara, my personalized license plate just came in the mail.
That's great, Charley.
What did you finally decide on? I picked the word that described me best: Lover.
Then I combined it with my work and got "sea lover," but that was too many letters.
So I just used the letter "c" for "s-e-a" and got "'c' lover.
" And get this: The "c" can also stand for Charley.
God, there are so many levels.
Ta-da.
Clover.
What? It says "clover.
" No, it doesn't.
It says "'c' lover.
" You're the only one that's going to think that.
Clover.
I don't get it.
What's the matter, Carol? Daddy wouldn't give me shots.
Have you tried the humane society? - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
You look lovely, and it's such a relief.
I had concerns maybe I was only attracted to the uniform.
- Your menu.
- Not necessary, thank you.
The lady will have the chateaubriand bouquetiere with Chanterelle mushrooms.
And I'll have the captain jacque happy face burger.
Very good, sir.
Sorry about that fake I.
D.
Incident at the bar.
Jeffrey, I guess your daddy told you I called him to make sure he approved of our having dinner like this.
I know.
That's so old-fashioned.
You never disappoint me, vernie.
Anyway, I've been thinking about us, Jeffrey, and it seems to me Did you just call me "vernie"? Don't ever do that again.
Anyway, I've been thinking, and it seems to me that we are just unfortunate victims of bad timing.
Uh-huh.
You know, if I had been born just a blink of an eye later and you had been born just a twitch earlier, why, then, this whole thing would be magic.
But as it is, I just feel like everybody's staring at us.
Nurse Todd, are you saying it's over? I'm sorry, Jeffrey.
Phooey! Are you all right? Yeah, I'm just grateful I didn't move ahead with the "born to love vernie" tattoo.
Carol.
Daddy, please don't start again.
Carol, I dropped by the San rojos consulate and picked up a little information.
You crossed the picket line? I had to.
By the way, someone named rainbow says hello.
Daddy, my mind is made up.
- "San rojos' annual average temperature: 103 degrees.
" - Daddy.
- No, wait.
"Average rainfall: 95 inches.
" That's taller than you are.
Daddy.
No, Carol, it says here they have a four to one snake to human ratio.
Keep in mind, dear, this is put out by their tourist bureau.
What happened to the man who said, "deep inside I was always sorry "that I missed the whole protest movement in the '60s, and I've always regretted I was never tear-gassed"? When did you start listening to me? You never listened to me before.
All of a sudden, you're my stenographer.
Daddy, I want to be with him.
I believe in the same things he does, and I think that together we can make a difference.
I wouldn't consider giving up everything I have here and all the people I care about if I didn't think this was important.
Well, at least stay out of the sun.
You know how you burn.
- Thank you, daddy.
- Yeah.
That must be your Eric.
I can't wait to see the look on his face when I tell him I'm going with him.
You haven't told him yet? I wanted to keep it for a surprise.
Him, you surprise; Me you hit with it three, four times a day.
Thank you very much.
I'll be upstairs.
I'll leave you alone here.
- Eric, hi.
- Hi.
Well, here's the stuff.
I really wish you were going with me.
- I am.
- You're what? I am.
I am going with you.
I've had the shots.
I got my passport today.
Don't even ask to see the photo.
Carol, you're not going with me.
Eric, if it's my safety that you're worried about, I'm ready to face that with you.
I wish it were that simple.
- Look, Eric - Whoa.
First of all, it's "look, Robert.
" Okay, my fault, I panic.
I forget names.
No, Eric is right.
Carol, my name is Robert Williams.
Okay, it's not like I've had anything monogrammed yet.
And I'm not what you think I am.
I work for the FBI.
FBI? Carol, the bureau was afraid that this group was being infiltrated by radical elements.
Now we're satisfied that it's nothing more than a bunch of kids trying to make up for being too young to have been at Woodstock.
So I've been reassigned to Chicago.
You've been lying to me all this time.
I had to.
So you were lying about the tear gas? About going to San rojos? About being interrogated? About my beautiful eyes? Carol, believe me.
I wasn't lying about your eyes.
They're incredible.
You know, now that I think about it, maybe we shouldn't be meddling in the problems of San rojos.
I could learn to like Chicago.
Great.
No.
No.
Listen to me, five minutes ago, I was ready to go to San rojos with you.
Now I'm willing to move to Chicago? This is very wrong.
Eric, please leave.
It's Robert.
Fine.
Everybody out.
- We had fun.
- Please go.
I heard a door close.
I'm not going.
I really don't want to get into it.
I'll tell you all about it later.
Oh, Carol.
I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you.
If that's Eric, tell him I do not want to talk to him.
I'll take it.
Look.
Good evening, Dr.
Weston.
I trust I'm not disturbing you.
No, no, no, no, no.
What brings you here? Long story.
My date with nurse Todd went sour.
I took a cab over here.
I was hoping maybe we could talk.
Sure.
Come on in.
Sure we can.
Listen, tell you what, let me get my car keys, I'll drive you home, and we'll have a real guy-to-guy talk.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
Bad night for you too, huh? - Love stinks.
- Yeah.
You know, you're pretty smart for a kid your age.
Thanks.