Fame (1982) s01e14 Episode Script
A Big Finish
I don't own a dog.
I don't plan on owning a dog.
And furthermore, I don't like being called a liar by anybody- I don't care what the reason is.
Oh, stop, we're not together.
No, we gotta go again.
Did you ever hear of the Birdman of Alcatraz? Well, this is our chance to be the "Dogmen" of Sing Sing.
I don't have no homework this weekend, 'cause I'm doin' the benefit.
You have anything to do with that benefit, you're out of the school.
You got big dreams.
You want fame.
Well, fame costs and right here is where you start paying in sweat.
Well, good morning! What are you doing here, sir? Or madam, as the case may be.
Let me guess.
Either you're wearing the most incredible leg warmers I've ever seen or you're a dog- and if you're a dog, you know what? You're getting out of here, right now.
Oh, no, you don't! Miss Sherwood, are you all right? - Yeah.
Easy.
- Oh, thank you, Tim.
- I'm fine, really.
- You better watch it, jogging inside.
I usually do the floors this time in the morning, before the kids get here.
I wasn't jogging.
I was chasing that idiot dog.
- What dog? - The dog, that was- You didn't see a dog come tearing past you, about three seconds - before I made my graceful entrance? - No, I didn't.
- Weren't you out here? - Why, I sure was.
Right over there.
But I didn't see any dog.
Okay.
Thanks for your help, Tim.
Take care.
Now, you be the one takin' care.
I wasn't the one who fell down.
What are you doing here? Come here! I'm in enough trouble.
Now, where's Birdie? Where is Birdie, you jerk? Go find Birdie.
Go on.
Go find him.
Passé- Hold this.
See there? Come on.
Keep your center.
And passé.
Pull up, darlin'.
Come on.
Foot way back.
Come on, honey, pull up.
Pull up.
You can get rid of this.
And relevé, hold and five.
Six and seven, eight.
Come on, pull up, pull up.
Pas de valse, come through reverence, and around.
I want you to be up.
And coupé.
Passé.
Double epée.
Arabesque, and turn around.
Pas de bourrée.
Fourth and pirouette.
Tendu, close fifth.
Tendu, other side.
Mr.
Shorofsky, what are you doing? I'm measuring, and your room is perfect.
Oh, thank you.
Perfect for what? My doctor says I need exercise, and yours is the only room in the school where I can store my equipment.
What sort of equipment are we talking about here? Table tennis.
Folds right up against the wall when I'm not using it.
- Be no bother at all.
- You're talking about a Ping-Pong table? Please.
Table tennis.
Not Ping-Pong.
Well, yes, but are you sure that's gonna be enough exercise for you? I mean, what about real tennis? You know, they have indoor courts you can use.
Table tennis is very real.
Thank you.
And what you call real tennis is bad for pianists.
Builds up the forearms in the wrong way.
Loses flexibility.
It's just that it's gonna start looking like a summer camp around here.
All right, class! Aren't we the cute ones, though? We are just so funny.
- It's all right with you, then? - Sure, fine.
Whatever.
Blessings.
I'll tell them to bring it on up.
Get on back in this room! Oh, I know that must be the high point of your day.
I'm so happy for you because you're gettin' ready to hit the low point right now.
Give me 50 entrechats quatre royales.
And since we want to all be so together and so cute if anybody misses one jump or beat, we start again until we all get it right together.
Now, Barbara, give me a good, bright tempo, so I can see them jump.
You gonna be wishin' for a heart transplant in about 30 seconds.
Five, six, seven, entrechats quatre royales.
Royale! Entrechat quatre.
Oh, stop.
They're not together.
No, we gotta go again.
- Are you done already? - Oh, no, I'm not.
- But something's wrong.
- About what? About Doris.
She's been like that the whole class.
I ask her what's wrong, and she just waves me off.
All right, Montgomery.
You go back to your seat.
I'll take care of this.
- Doris, are you all right? - Sure.
Doris.
Level with me.
I have to admit.
I'm a little sad.
Mad.
Confused.
Why? - It's that time of year.
- Time of year? - Allergies.
- I see.
And that's what the tears and the sniffles are about.
Uh-huh.
Anytime I get arou- People who grow flowers? Places that are dusty? Certain kinds of materials? - Bless you.
- Thank you.
Dogs.
Or anybody who's been around dogs.
Then there was a dog! Bless you.
Thank you.
I gotta go see my allergist this afternoon.
I gotta get some shots.
Doris, before you get those shots, could you do me a favor? If I can.
In the old days, miners used to take canaries with them down into the mines- the theory being that any poison gas would knock out the little canaries long before it could affect a grown man, giving the miners time to escape.
All this has to do with a favor? I want to get you with Mr.
O'Bannion, the janitor.
To be my canary in the mine.
Easy now, easy.
Fine.
Straight ahead now, good.
Mr.
Shorofsky, is that a Ping-Pong table? This is a table tennis table.
Around the corner, second door to your left.
Put it up against the wall.
Miller.
Sixth period, you have a rehearsal hour scheduled.
Is this correct? Yes.
I'm rehearsing the Schumann concerto.
Nonsense.
A waste of time.
You have that down pat.
Then what do you think I should rehearse? Did you ever play table tennis? Look at that.
Beautiful.
You got plenty of air comin' through there.
Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd check the vent in the back of the room as well.
- All right.
- It seems to take forever for us to get any heat in here once the thermostat kicks in.
It may take forever, but you got to remember this is a pretty old building.
Things slow up when you get older.
- People and things.
Fact of life.
- Just check it out, please.
All right.
Maybe I could get somebody over to really check this out but I don't think it's necessary- it's doin'just fine the way it is - if you want to know the truth.
- Yes.
I want to know the truth.
But I'm not talking about anything concerning the vents.
I'm not sure I know what we're talkin' about.
We're talking about that dog I saw in here this morning.
A dog in school? Is that such a big deal to you? I couldn't care less about a dog in the school.
What I do care about is someone I work with lying to me.
And I think that's what you did this morning.
I'd like to know why, please.
You think Tim O'Bannion is a liar.
Is that what you're saying? Oh, Tim, for heaven sakes.
If you're keeping a- No.
It's not "Tim.
" It's Mr.
O'Bannion, thank you very much.
If you're Miss Sherwood, I'm Mr.
O'Bannion to you.
All right.
All I'm trying to do- And another thing: I don't own a dog.
I never owned a dog.
I don't plan on owning a dog.
And furthermore, I don't like being called a liar, by anybody.
I don't care what the reason is.
We're done.
Finished.
I think Mr.
Barnum's gonna pay a fortune for this act.
Doris, come on.
- Do you have to be anywhere in a hurry? - I'm in a hurry to go home.
I live there.
I go there.
I recognize my father.
He remembers who I am.
It's really kind of nice.
- Could you put it off for an hour or so? - Why? I need some help with a deprived childhood.
I gave at the office.
No, listen.
When I was little, nobody ever taught me how to sneak.
- Where do you want to sneak to? - The janitor's office.
Why? Because this morning, Mr.
O'Bannion became a person.
It's probably the full moon.
No, I mean, there are people who aren't really people.
They're just there: Gas station attendants movie ticket takers, school janitors.
You know, it's "Good morning, Mr.
O'Bannion.
How ya doin'?" And you never even slow down to hear what he has to say.
And this morning, this transformation happened.
Yeah.
He looked like he was gonna cry.
I think he'd lied to Miss Sherwood about something.
Could someone tell me what we're talkin' about? Doris had a depraved childhood.
She needs sneaking lessons.
Into O'Bannion's? Pass.
Okay.
Fine! What are friends for, anyway? Friends are for turning you down.
Ciao.
Come on.
Janitor's office is down there.
- If we get caught down there- - O'Bannion's on the third floor, waxin'.
He won't be down there for at least a couple of hours.
Yeah.
And if he's got a dog, he's got it cooped up in there.
- It's not fair.
- Doris, life isn't fair.
God put Bo Derek on Earth to prove that.
- It's a lot like breaking and entering.
- Whose side are you on? I'm committed to freedom: My freedom.
- So come on.
Let's get outta here.
- Oh, okay.
Fine! I'll break and enter.
You cut and run.
- Suits me fine.
- Ever hear of the Birdman of Alcatraz? Well, this is our chance to be the "Dogmen" of Sing Sing.
We're deep in dog territory.
Take my word for it.
- See? I told you there was a dog.
- Yeah.
Look how unhappy and mistreated the poor thing is.
Hey, look, what's this? Hey, that's Mr.
O'Bannion.
Who's the dancer? This is Broadway stuff here.
Who's this? Birdie Whelan.
My grandma talks about him all the time.
She said he was the best! There's no one that even comes close.
Oh, he's probably gone by now.
Not quite, young lady.
I'm very much here, and quite pleased about it, if I do say so myself.
Oh, would you- would you care to join me in a cup of tea? - You been here how long? - Oh, about three months.
Ever since I got booted out of my room.
I couldn't come up with the rent.
Had to spend the money on medicine.
- What did you need the medicine for? - Well I fell down and broke my hip.
And Mr.
O'Bannion fixed this place up for you? No.
Not at first.
The first thing he did was to try to get me in with him at his place but they don't take pets there, you know.
And I've been with Clumpy- or he's been with me- ever since I stopped dancing.
That's too many years to throw away just because of - what it says on some lease.
- I think that's terrific.
To fall down and break your hip and get thrown out of your room? - Not really, young man.
- No.
I mean to have a friendship with someone, like you and Mr.
O'Bannion have.
- Something that lasts for decades.
- Well, we were not friends - till I fell down and broke my hip.
- Why not? Because producers were always trying to play us against each other.
If they wanted me for a part, they never failed to let Timmy know about it.
If they really wanted Timmy, they never failed to mention my name.
- And when you broke your hip? - Well, when I broke my hip God love him he came to me and- I came to him and said- I said, "Birdie you and I have gone through times and done things few other human beings have known.
There are tales we can tell that only you and I can truly understand.
And you know, it seems a shame for each of us to ignore the only audience that either one of us has got left.
" That's right.
That's what he said.
That's what got me and old Clumpy here.
Only question now is, are you gonna get to stay here? If any of those teachers upstairs finds out that Birdie's stayin' down here he'll be out on his ear, and I'll be out of a job.
Well, you can't expect to stay here forever.
It's just until we can raise another $3,000.
A friend of Birdie's runs a trailer camp down in Bradenton, Florida.
Now, with what we got so far, plus another $3,000 we can make a down payment on a trailer and place in the park.
Yeah, we'll put our tootsies in the sand and our hooks in the water.
Just as long as nobody upstairs finds out what's goin' on down here.
- Look, they won't.
- You can count on it.
We better get back upstairs before someone comes looking for us.
- Thanks for the tea.
- Yeah.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Is there anything I can get you? - Anything we can do? - Yes.
You can tell Leroy not to argue with Miss Grant so much.
- What? - I can hear the class through the vents.
She's a good teacher.
She knows what she's talking about.
Now, all he's got to do is listen just a little bit harder.
Okay.
I'll pass it on.
I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings too much but it sure felt good talkin' to somebody besides you.
I think I can handle it.
You might have some makin' up to do with Clumpy though.
Okay, Mr.
Shorofsky, serving, zip-zip.
- What was that? - That was the opening serve.
It was a floating insult.
Now serve properly, please.
Okay, but Mr.
Shorofsky, like I said, I'm pretty good at this game.
Humor me.
Okay.
Okay.
Zero, serving one.
- Late rehearsal, Doris? - Yeah.
I got to thinking after class, and I remembered.
It's not dogs I'm allergic to, it's cats.
You just remembered this.
Yeah, well see, I heard you talking to Mr.
O'Bannion and he seemed so sincere about not lying about there being no dog.
And then I remembered that it's not dogs I'm allergic to.
- It's cats.
- This just happened to come to you as you overheard us talking, huh? Yeah, well, see, actually I'm allergic to both.
But dogs give me a cherry rash.
It's cats that make me sneeze.
And you have to admit, he did seem very sincere when he told you he wasn't lying.
- He never told me that.
- Sure he did.
I heard him! Doris, I'm quite careful about words and their meaning.
Now, what he said was that he didn't own a dog.
That he wouldn't own a dog, that he didn't like being called a liar by anybody- and I believe that last part, 'cause he didn't like it one bit, and he was lying.
You know something? You'd make a terrific lawyer.
I think I would have been particularly good at spotting perjury.
That silly old- 21 -3! And I think he let up on me towards the end.
I could die.
See you tomorrow.
Have a nice evening.
How's he know whether or not I listen to the woman? - He can hear through the vents.
- He can tell that much just by listening? That's what he says.
And both of them were pretty big in the old days.
That's sad.
I mean, two old guys like that havin' to hide out in a little room in the basement.
The main thing is not to let everyone know they're down there.
- Don't be tellin' anyone about 'em.
- All right.
Yesterday, I went down to the 42nd Street Library.
I looked 'em up.
- Did they check out? - Yeah! They were the best.
Either one of them could have packed a theater.
Lots of choreographers still study the stuff they were doing in the '40s.
Does Miss Grant know that a janitor in this school- No! And don't tell her.
It's very important the whole school does not realize what is really going on downstairs.
All right.
I understand.
My dad said no one even came close to what they did.
He said he stood in line for hours to see them.
- Did they ever dance together? - No, they were always rivals, he said.
First rivals, last friends.
You know, that's sad.
We ought to try to do something for them.
Help them raise the money they need.
Yeah, well the main thing is not to noise this thing around.
We don't want too many people finding out about this.
Hey, Doris! I don't want to be pushy, but if I can help, I want to help.
Onstage, offstage- wherever you say.
Thank you.
What are we talking about? The benefit.
For Tim O'Bannion and Birdie Whelan? How did you find out about them? Well, Montgomery mentioned it in biology.
And Julie was talking in history about raising some money for them.
And Danny- Well, everybody knows about it, Doris.
- Absolutely everybody.
- Everybody knows about what? Nothing! Everybody knows nothing.
That's why we're here.
In school.
To learn.
And we're all here learning.
And I'm very, very proud to be here.
Doris, are you practicing to accept some kind of award, sweetheart? Michelle, honey, come on.
I need you to help me out with the freshman class.
And I'm going to bribe you with some yogurt.
A benefit? Dopey idea.
Adolescent.
So, who better to pull it off than a bunch of dopey adolescents? Yeah, according to these figures, financially we could make it work out.
Five dollars a ticket is not out of line for something like this and if we can get a place that seats Hey, the Knights of St.
Anthony seats about that.
Maybe a little less.
Well, a few people could stand.
The main thing is, we can deliver the acts.
Enough people are interested in this thing to make it work out.
There's something very wrong with all of this.
- It's running too smoothly.
- Precisely.
Why do you two always look for trouble? I mean, there's two guys who need help, and everybody wants to help.
I can get the lodge for free.
Everything's folding right in.
So why look for problems? Why ignore them, when they're starin' you right in the face? - Like what? - Like when are we gonna start rehearsin'? I mean, we have to do things for school.
Do you think the teachers would refuse to allow us to help two people like Mr.
O'Bannion and Mr.
Whelan? Any one of the teachers would do anything to help people like that.
Hold it.
Time out.
Leroy's right.
Bruno and I aren't as cynical as you may think.
Look, the teachers would not try to stop us.
The teachers don't have a choice.
We tell them we want to do a benefit.
They say, "Who for?" We tell them Birdie Whelan.
Then they find Birdie Whelan is living downstairs in the janitor's office.
Listen, they'd have no choice but to ask them to leave.
That's the rules of the school, and they have to live by them.
And he couldn't go back to Mr.
O'Bannion's because of the dog.
If he tries to get a place of his own, that eats up part of the savings they wanted to use to get to Florida.
You know, it seems like more and more rules are bein' made to keep people from helpin' each other 'round here.
And the trains still do not run on time.
You're all being very logical and very realistic.
You're about to let logic and reality talk you out of something you want to happen.
Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland did not think logically when putting on a show.
Doris, my mom doesn't have an attic full of clothes and your pop doesn't have a barn- the times have changed.
Besides, you were the one who said all that stuff about the rules.
For once in your life, ignore me.
Look, I don't know which way this is all gonna turn out but either we build a bridge or build a wall.
Those two old guys used to be us.
Someday we're gonna be them.
I'd like to think there'll be someone to help me when I get to the short end of the string.
Someone who cared enough not to let rules tell them what to do.
Good morning.
Phenicia, dear, would you please go in there and put that Ping-Pong table up against the wall for me, please? - Mr.
Shorofsky! - Yes? Good morning.
How are you? - I'm fine.
You left that Ping-Pong- - Table tennis.
Whatever you call it, you left it in the middle of the dance floor.
You were supposed to store it up against the wall.
That was our agreement.
- Not my fault.
I'm sorry.
- Not your fault? I played Mr.
Crandall last night.
Beat him three straight.
He just stormed out after the last game.
- I couldn't move the table by myself.
- Well, Mr.
Shorofsky sometimes I come in early to rehearse.
I can't move that big thing by myself.
Now, what are we going to do about that? - Do you happen to play? - No, I do not.
I thought, possibly, we could settle it.
Play two out of three- - I do not play, Mr.
Shorofsky.
- Pity.
Phenicia, dear! Didn't I just ask you to put that thing up? Be another two or three minutes yet.
Hey, you wanna know what happened to that soap opera you like so much? - You bet.
- Cindy died.
- What? - I told you she was in intensive care.
Yeah, but you didn't make it sound like she was gonna die.
Well, she didn't look that sick, to tell you the truth.
Couldn't you build up to it a little, I mean, soften the blow? Not just "Cindy died.
" Use a little tact or something.
Okay.
Cindy entered a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest.
She won.
And she's still competing.
- Who is it? - It's okay, Mr.
O'Bannion.
Friends out here.
Come on in.
Mr.
Whelan, Mr.
O'Bannion, I'd like you to meet two friends of mine.
This is LeroyJohnson, and this is Julie Miller.
Hey, you're the dancer I've heard so much about, right? - Yes, sir.
- I've watched him from the booth.
- He's good.
- Really? - You bet.
- Well? Go ahead.
That's why you came, Leroy.
Go ahead.
Well, I don't want to bother you guys any - but I'd like to ask you both a question.
- Well, yeah, sure.
- Sure.
Go ahead.
What is it? - Fire away.
Well, I'm sorta like just gettin' started in this dancin' thing and I was wondering- Have you guys ever regretted bein' dancers? - I mean, ever, in all those years? - Never.
- Not once.
- You sure? Leroy.
All dancing is is the ability to move the way children imagine angels move.
Now who could ever regret being able to do something like that? It's being able to carve a statue out of thin air.
And you're the statue and the sculptor all at the same time.
And even if the routine is always the same that statue you're making changes with each new performance.
You know something? At this benefit, I'm gonna dance my butt off for you guys.
Don't do that.
You need the counterbalance on spins.
- Isn't that right, Birdie? - It sure is.
You should know.
Good morning, Miss Grant.
How are you today? - Just fine, Leroy, thank you.
- Oh, that's good.
I just thought I'd come in here early to rehearse.
- You don't mind if I do that, do you? - No.
Since you're always telling me to rehearse, well, here I am.
Bright and early.
Ready to rehearse, just like you're always tellin' me to.
Leroy, why are you talking so loud? I guess I'm talking loud because I'm so full of energy.
That's it.
You ever get up in the morning and you're so full of energy that you just can't wait till you get in here to rehearse? Well, yeah, sometimes.
But I don't- - Was that pretty good? - Well, that was fierce.
What do you call that step in French? - Cabriole grand jeté.
- That's it! I just did a pretty fierce cabriole grand jeté.
How about that? And I came in here early to do it this morning.
Well, Leroy, I must say I am impressed.
Thank you, Miss Grant.
You know what? I think I'm gonna keep doin' stuff like this, till I get the hang of it.
Shoot.
I thought I got rid of that cold.
I think I better ease up off these early rehearsals, Miss Grant.
- The air's kinda damp in here.
- Leroy? You better do somethin' about that cough now.
Don't you worry, Miss Grant.
I will.
You can count on it.
- Bless you! - Thank you! What's this, please? Lady in my building overheard me talking about this exercise kick you're on and she asked if I could set up a match between the two of you.
That's her name, and she'll be calling you.
Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe.
Sounds English.
It is.
Her husband's with the trade delegation at the UN.
Is Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe a good sport? Because I'm likely to beat her, you know.
- She said she played some Ping-Pong- - Table tennis! When she was in school, but that was 1 0 or 1 5 years ago.
- And she hasn't played again since then.
- Fine.
Have her give me a call, by all means.
I will do my best to keep it close.
You are so considerate.
Hi.
Who rained on your parade? I picked up my dry cleaning this morning.
That was in the window.
It's about a benefit, featuring performers from the School of the Arts.
Well, if it's for some kind of charity- I'm sure that's how the kids are looking at it.
But I did some calling, some checking around.
Any of our students set foot on that stage Saturday night they're out of this school like a shot.
And no more than 1,000 words, and no less than 500.
And please, take some care with your handwriting.
Half the time, I can't tell whether I'm supposed to be reading an essay or breaking some sort of secret code.
Stick around.
Tardy slips? What for? You're going to be late for your next class.
- We have some talking to do.
- About what? About how you're going to cancel the so-called benefit tomorrow night.
Well, I'm not gonna be late for my next class 'cause I'm not listenin' to any of that talk.
If you have anything to do with that benefit, you're out of the school.
- Period.
- Why? For trying to help somebody? No.
For breaking a rule of the school.
A rule that's there for a reason and a rule that won't be changed or appealed, regardless of good motives.
What rule? Mr.
O'Bannion is an employee of the Board of Education.
Students raising money for employees to use for personal benefit is not allowed under any circumstances.
It looks as if you're courting favor.
It looks as if it might be a bribe.
Excuse me, isn't it a little difficult to court favor from a janitor? An employee is an employee.
The rule doesn't make any differentiation between a supervisor and a janitor and a teacher.
No employee accepts money from any student for any reason.
- You think we'd get expelled? - There's a good chance of it, yes.
I don't have no homework this weekend, 'cause I'm doin' the benefit.
Leroy, that's very noble- Look, don't you know who Mr.
O'Bannion and Birdie Whelan are? Don't you know who they used to be? They were very special people.
- You can look it up! Birdie- - I know what Mr.
O'Bannion used to do and I don't want to hear any of you mention the name of Birdie Whelan because I don't want to know anything about him or where he happens to be living at the moment.
Because if I knew about it, I might have to do something about it.
But since I don't know about it, there's nothing I can do.
Do I make myself clear? You really were talkin' to the people at the Knights of St.
Anthony, weren't you? - Yes.
- And you're in a box, right? And if we were having this conversation, I would have to tell you that I don't see any way for you to do what you're trying to do without jeopardizing your place here.
But since we're really not having this conversation and you're not officially telling us- Because I do not officially know anything about Birdie Whelan.
- I wasn't slammin' the door.
- It sure sounded like it.
Well, I was slammin' a situation.
I wasn't slammin' you.
Thanks for clearing that up.
Hey, you two! I wanna show you something.
What do you think? A thing of beauty, isn't she? Birdie and me signed the papers on it last night.
- Mr.
O'Bannion- - She's gorgeous! - Really.
Never seen a better one.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations to you both.
- Doris- You're right.
We're gonna be late for our next period.
Really, a thing of beauty.
A definite 1 0.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Now, if we can just keep up the payments.
Doris, what are you, crazy? - You know what Miss Sherwood said.
- There's a way.
There's always a way.
There's gotta be a way! All we gotta do is find it.
- May I help you? - Are you Mr.
Shorofsky? - Yes.
- I'm Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe.
I believe Lydia Grant mentioned me to you? - You are Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe? - Yes! - Hi, Lang.
- Hello.
- Lovely coat.
- Thank you.
Benjamin, I was just on my way home.
Hey, why don't I give you a hand setting this up, so you all can get started? You told me she was English.
No, you told me her name sounded English, and I told you her husband was with the trade delegation at the UN.
He is English.
He'd been doin' the same job when he met her a few years ago.
- Where did he meet her? - Canton, China.
I'm told the Chinese are very good table tennis players.
Do tell.
Well, you two kids have a good time and I can't wait to hear how everything turns out.
Your serve.
Good serve! One-nothing.
Two-nothing! Gott in Himmel.
! Three-nothing! - Nice turnout.
- More's the pity.
If there weren't such a big turnout, we could look the other way.
Ladies and gentlemen.
It's my pleasure to announce the host of tonight's festivities: Mr.
Montgomery MacNeil.
! Thank you.
Some of you may not know what the purpose of this evening is.
Well, it's my job to tell you.
We're here to honor courage tonight and loyalty and love between two kindred spirits.
The kind of love that accepts and forgets.
Tonight, we have the great good fortune to honor Clumpy! Sit.
Sit! Good dog.
I don't know whether you could see it when Clumpy walked out here but he suffers from an arthritic hip.
And although it may look like he's walking on four legs he really has only three to rely on.
Now, we're here to raise money to send Clumpy to a warmer climate where he can run in the fields and rest his bones.
But I think it would be a great disservice to just drop him off at Kennedy Airport with a tourist ticket in his mouth.
So those two gentlemen have graciously offered to be Clumpy's traveling companions.
And his watchdogs.
So it's Clumpy we're honoring tonight.
That's what the money's for, not a teacher, or a person.
Welcome to the first annual Clumpy Fund.
- Huh? - I didn't say anything.
You know, a few nights ago this young man came up to Tim and myself and asked us how we felt about dancing.
Well, I forgot to mention one very important thing to him about that when he asked us, and that is because of dancing we feel young.
Because as long as a dancer can tap his toe and - count up to four in the clear- - It's not easy.
He'll be a dancer, and dancers are always young.
There are some that are smooth and some that are wrinkled but we're all young.
You know, there's one problem with being a hoofer.
Situations like this.
We never have an ending to the act.
I mean, there's no such thing for guys like Birdie and me- no such thing as talking up to a big finish.
We weren't taught that way.
Matter of fact, one time in Steubenville, Ohio, when you were locked out- Here we go.
I don't plan on owning a dog.
And furthermore, I don't like being called a liar by anybody- I don't care what the reason is.
Oh, stop, we're not together.
No, we gotta go again.
Did you ever hear of the Birdman of Alcatraz? Well, this is our chance to be the "Dogmen" of Sing Sing.
I don't have no homework this weekend, 'cause I'm doin' the benefit.
You have anything to do with that benefit, you're out of the school.
You got big dreams.
You want fame.
Well, fame costs and right here is where you start paying in sweat.
Well, good morning! What are you doing here, sir? Or madam, as the case may be.
Let me guess.
Either you're wearing the most incredible leg warmers I've ever seen or you're a dog- and if you're a dog, you know what? You're getting out of here, right now.
Oh, no, you don't! Miss Sherwood, are you all right? - Yeah.
Easy.
- Oh, thank you, Tim.
- I'm fine, really.
- You better watch it, jogging inside.
I usually do the floors this time in the morning, before the kids get here.
I wasn't jogging.
I was chasing that idiot dog.
- What dog? - The dog, that was- You didn't see a dog come tearing past you, about three seconds - before I made my graceful entrance? - No, I didn't.
- Weren't you out here? - Why, I sure was.
Right over there.
But I didn't see any dog.
Okay.
Thanks for your help, Tim.
Take care.
Now, you be the one takin' care.
I wasn't the one who fell down.
What are you doing here? Come here! I'm in enough trouble.
Now, where's Birdie? Where is Birdie, you jerk? Go find Birdie.
Go on.
Go find him.
Passé- Hold this.
See there? Come on.
Keep your center.
And passé.
Pull up, darlin'.
Come on.
Foot way back.
Come on, honey, pull up.
Pull up.
You can get rid of this.
And relevé, hold and five.
Six and seven, eight.
Come on, pull up, pull up.
Pas de valse, come through reverence, and around.
I want you to be up.
And coupé.
Passé.
Double epée.
Arabesque, and turn around.
Pas de bourrée.
Fourth and pirouette.
Tendu, close fifth.
Tendu, other side.
Mr.
Shorofsky, what are you doing? I'm measuring, and your room is perfect.
Oh, thank you.
Perfect for what? My doctor says I need exercise, and yours is the only room in the school where I can store my equipment.
What sort of equipment are we talking about here? Table tennis.
Folds right up against the wall when I'm not using it.
- Be no bother at all.
- You're talking about a Ping-Pong table? Please.
Table tennis.
Not Ping-Pong.
Well, yes, but are you sure that's gonna be enough exercise for you? I mean, what about real tennis? You know, they have indoor courts you can use.
Table tennis is very real.
Thank you.
And what you call real tennis is bad for pianists.
Builds up the forearms in the wrong way.
Loses flexibility.
It's just that it's gonna start looking like a summer camp around here.
All right, class! Aren't we the cute ones, though? We are just so funny.
- It's all right with you, then? - Sure, fine.
Whatever.
Blessings.
I'll tell them to bring it on up.
Get on back in this room! Oh, I know that must be the high point of your day.
I'm so happy for you because you're gettin' ready to hit the low point right now.
Give me 50 entrechats quatre royales.
And since we want to all be so together and so cute if anybody misses one jump or beat, we start again until we all get it right together.
Now, Barbara, give me a good, bright tempo, so I can see them jump.
You gonna be wishin' for a heart transplant in about 30 seconds.
Five, six, seven, entrechats quatre royales.
Royale! Entrechat quatre.
Oh, stop.
They're not together.
No, we gotta go again.
- Are you done already? - Oh, no, I'm not.
- But something's wrong.
- About what? About Doris.
She's been like that the whole class.
I ask her what's wrong, and she just waves me off.
All right, Montgomery.
You go back to your seat.
I'll take care of this.
- Doris, are you all right? - Sure.
Doris.
Level with me.
I have to admit.
I'm a little sad.
Mad.
Confused.
Why? - It's that time of year.
- Time of year? - Allergies.
- I see.
And that's what the tears and the sniffles are about.
Uh-huh.
Anytime I get arou- People who grow flowers? Places that are dusty? Certain kinds of materials? - Bless you.
- Thank you.
Dogs.
Or anybody who's been around dogs.
Then there was a dog! Bless you.
Thank you.
I gotta go see my allergist this afternoon.
I gotta get some shots.
Doris, before you get those shots, could you do me a favor? If I can.
In the old days, miners used to take canaries with them down into the mines- the theory being that any poison gas would knock out the little canaries long before it could affect a grown man, giving the miners time to escape.
All this has to do with a favor? I want to get you with Mr.
O'Bannion, the janitor.
To be my canary in the mine.
Easy now, easy.
Fine.
Straight ahead now, good.
Mr.
Shorofsky, is that a Ping-Pong table? This is a table tennis table.
Around the corner, second door to your left.
Put it up against the wall.
Miller.
Sixth period, you have a rehearsal hour scheduled.
Is this correct? Yes.
I'm rehearsing the Schumann concerto.
Nonsense.
A waste of time.
You have that down pat.
Then what do you think I should rehearse? Did you ever play table tennis? Look at that.
Beautiful.
You got plenty of air comin' through there.
Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd check the vent in the back of the room as well.
- All right.
- It seems to take forever for us to get any heat in here once the thermostat kicks in.
It may take forever, but you got to remember this is a pretty old building.
Things slow up when you get older.
- People and things.
Fact of life.
- Just check it out, please.
All right.
Maybe I could get somebody over to really check this out but I don't think it's necessary- it's doin'just fine the way it is - if you want to know the truth.
- Yes.
I want to know the truth.
But I'm not talking about anything concerning the vents.
I'm not sure I know what we're talkin' about.
We're talking about that dog I saw in here this morning.
A dog in school? Is that such a big deal to you? I couldn't care less about a dog in the school.
What I do care about is someone I work with lying to me.
And I think that's what you did this morning.
I'd like to know why, please.
You think Tim O'Bannion is a liar.
Is that what you're saying? Oh, Tim, for heaven sakes.
If you're keeping a- No.
It's not "Tim.
" It's Mr.
O'Bannion, thank you very much.
If you're Miss Sherwood, I'm Mr.
O'Bannion to you.
All right.
All I'm trying to do- And another thing: I don't own a dog.
I never owned a dog.
I don't plan on owning a dog.
And furthermore, I don't like being called a liar, by anybody.
I don't care what the reason is.
We're done.
Finished.
I think Mr.
Barnum's gonna pay a fortune for this act.
Doris, come on.
- Do you have to be anywhere in a hurry? - I'm in a hurry to go home.
I live there.
I go there.
I recognize my father.
He remembers who I am.
It's really kind of nice.
- Could you put it off for an hour or so? - Why? I need some help with a deprived childhood.
I gave at the office.
No, listen.
When I was little, nobody ever taught me how to sneak.
- Where do you want to sneak to? - The janitor's office.
Why? Because this morning, Mr.
O'Bannion became a person.
It's probably the full moon.
No, I mean, there are people who aren't really people.
They're just there: Gas station attendants movie ticket takers, school janitors.
You know, it's "Good morning, Mr.
O'Bannion.
How ya doin'?" And you never even slow down to hear what he has to say.
And this morning, this transformation happened.
Yeah.
He looked like he was gonna cry.
I think he'd lied to Miss Sherwood about something.
Could someone tell me what we're talkin' about? Doris had a depraved childhood.
She needs sneaking lessons.
Into O'Bannion's? Pass.
Okay.
Fine! What are friends for, anyway? Friends are for turning you down.
Ciao.
Come on.
Janitor's office is down there.
- If we get caught down there- - O'Bannion's on the third floor, waxin'.
He won't be down there for at least a couple of hours.
Yeah.
And if he's got a dog, he's got it cooped up in there.
- It's not fair.
- Doris, life isn't fair.
God put Bo Derek on Earth to prove that.
- It's a lot like breaking and entering.
- Whose side are you on? I'm committed to freedom: My freedom.
- So come on.
Let's get outta here.
- Oh, okay.
Fine! I'll break and enter.
You cut and run.
- Suits me fine.
- Ever hear of the Birdman of Alcatraz? Well, this is our chance to be the "Dogmen" of Sing Sing.
We're deep in dog territory.
Take my word for it.
- See? I told you there was a dog.
- Yeah.
Look how unhappy and mistreated the poor thing is.
Hey, look, what's this? Hey, that's Mr.
O'Bannion.
Who's the dancer? This is Broadway stuff here.
Who's this? Birdie Whelan.
My grandma talks about him all the time.
She said he was the best! There's no one that even comes close.
Oh, he's probably gone by now.
Not quite, young lady.
I'm very much here, and quite pleased about it, if I do say so myself.
Oh, would you- would you care to join me in a cup of tea? - You been here how long? - Oh, about three months.
Ever since I got booted out of my room.
I couldn't come up with the rent.
Had to spend the money on medicine.
- What did you need the medicine for? - Well I fell down and broke my hip.
And Mr.
O'Bannion fixed this place up for you? No.
Not at first.
The first thing he did was to try to get me in with him at his place but they don't take pets there, you know.
And I've been with Clumpy- or he's been with me- ever since I stopped dancing.
That's too many years to throw away just because of - what it says on some lease.
- I think that's terrific.
To fall down and break your hip and get thrown out of your room? - Not really, young man.
- No.
I mean to have a friendship with someone, like you and Mr.
O'Bannion have.
- Something that lasts for decades.
- Well, we were not friends - till I fell down and broke my hip.
- Why not? Because producers were always trying to play us against each other.
If they wanted me for a part, they never failed to let Timmy know about it.
If they really wanted Timmy, they never failed to mention my name.
- And when you broke your hip? - Well, when I broke my hip God love him he came to me and- I came to him and said- I said, "Birdie you and I have gone through times and done things few other human beings have known.
There are tales we can tell that only you and I can truly understand.
And you know, it seems a shame for each of us to ignore the only audience that either one of us has got left.
" That's right.
That's what he said.
That's what got me and old Clumpy here.
Only question now is, are you gonna get to stay here? If any of those teachers upstairs finds out that Birdie's stayin' down here he'll be out on his ear, and I'll be out of a job.
Well, you can't expect to stay here forever.
It's just until we can raise another $3,000.
A friend of Birdie's runs a trailer camp down in Bradenton, Florida.
Now, with what we got so far, plus another $3,000 we can make a down payment on a trailer and place in the park.
Yeah, we'll put our tootsies in the sand and our hooks in the water.
Just as long as nobody upstairs finds out what's goin' on down here.
- Look, they won't.
- You can count on it.
We better get back upstairs before someone comes looking for us.
- Thanks for the tea.
- Yeah.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Is there anything I can get you? - Anything we can do? - Yes.
You can tell Leroy not to argue with Miss Grant so much.
- What? - I can hear the class through the vents.
She's a good teacher.
She knows what she's talking about.
Now, all he's got to do is listen just a little bit harder.
Okay.
I'll pass it on.
I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings too much but it sure felt good talkin' to somebody besides you.
I think I can handle it.
You might have some makin' up to do with Clumpy though.
Okay, Mr.
Shorofsky, serving, zip-zip.
- What was that? - That was the opening serve.
It was a floating insult.
Now serve properly, please.
Okay, but Mr.
Shorofsky, like I said, I'm pretty good at this game.
Humor me.
Okay.
Okay.
Zero, serving one.
- Late rehearsal, Doris? - Yeah.
I got to thinking after class, and I remembered.
It's not dogs I'm allergic to, it's cats.
You just remembered this.
Yeah, well see, I heard you talking to Mr.
O'Bannion and he seemed so sincere about not lying about there being no dog.
And then I remembered that it's not dogs I'm allergic to.
- It's cats.
- This just happened to come to you as you overheard us talking, huh? Yeah, well, see, actually I'm allergic to both.
But dogs give me a cherry rash.
It's cats that make me sneeze.
And you have to admit, he did seem very sincere when he told you he wasn't lying.
- He never told me that.
- Sure he did.
I heard him! Doris, I'm quite careful about words and their meaning.
Now, what he said was that he didn't own a dog.
That he wouldn't own a dog, that he didn't like being called a liar by anybody- and I believe that last part, 'cause he didn't like it one bit, and he was lying.
You know something? You'd make a terrific lawyer.
I think I would have been particularly good at spotting perjury.
That silly old- 21 -3! And I think he let up on me towards the end.
I could die.
See you tomorrow.
Have a nice evening.
How's he know whether or not I listen to the woman? - He can hear through the vents.
- He can tell that much just by listening? That's what he says.
And both of them were pretty big in the old days.
That's sad.
I mean, two old guys like that havin' to hide out in a little room in the basement.
The main thing is not to let everyone know they're down there.
- Don't be tellin' anyone about 'em.
- All right.
Yesterday, I went down to the 42nd Street Library.
I looked 'em up.
- Did they check out? - Yeah! They were the best.
Either one of them could have packed a theater.
Lots of choreographers still study the stuff they were doing in the '40s.
Does Miss Grant know that a janitor in this school- No! And don't tell her.
It's very important the whole school does not realize what is really going on downstairs.
All right.
I understand.
My dad said no one even came close to what they did.
He said he stood in line for hours to see them.
- Did they ever dance together? - No, they were always rivals, he said.
First rivals, last friends.
You know, that's sad.
We ought to try to do something for them.
Help them raise the money they need.
Yeah, well the main thing is not to noise this thing around.
We don't want too many people finding out about this.
Hey, Doris! I don't want to be pushy, but if I can help, I want to help.
Onstage, offstage- wherever you say.
Thank you.
What are we talking about? The benefit.
For Tim O'Bannion and Birdie Whelan? How did you find out about them? Well, Montgomery mentioned it in biology.
And Julie was talking in history about raising some money for them.
And Danny- Well, everybody knows about it, Doris.
- Absolutely everybody.
- Everybody knows about what? Nothing! Everybody knows nothing.
That's why we're here.
In school.
To learn.
And we're all here learning.
And I'm very, very proud to be here.
Doris, are you practicing to accept some kind of award, sweetheart? Michelle, honey, come on.
I need you to help me out with the freshman class.
And I'm going to bribe you with some yogurt.
A benefit? Dopey idea.
Adolescent.
So, who better to pull it off than a bunch of dopey adolescents? Yeah, according to these figures, financially we could make it work out.
Five dollars a ticket is not out of line for something like this and if we can get a place that seats Hey, the Knights of St.
Anthony seats about that.
Maybe a little less.
Well, a few people could stand.
The main thing is, we can deliver the acts.
Enough people are interested in this thing to make it work out.
There's something very wrong with all of this.
- It's running too smoothly.
- Precisely.
Why do you two always look for trouble? I mean, there's two guys who need help, and everybody wants to help.
I can get the lodge for free.
Everything's folding right in.
So why look for problems? Why ignore them, when they're starin' you right in the face? - Like what? - Like when are we gonna start rehearsin'? I mean, we have to do things for school.
Do you think the teachers would refuse to allow us to help two people like Mr.
O'Bannion and Mr.
Whelan? Any one of the teachers would do anything to help people like that.
Hold it.
Time out.
Leroy's right.
Bruno and I aren't as cynical as you may think.
Look, the teachers would not try to stop us.
The teachers don't have a choice.
We tell them we want to do a benefit.
They say, "Who for?" We tell them Birdie Whelan.
Then they find Birdie Whelan is living downstairs in the janitor's office.
Listen, they'd have no choice but to ask them to leave.
That's the rules of the school, and they have to live by them.
And he couldn't go back to Mr.
O'Bannion's because of the dog.
If he tries to get a place of his own, that eats up part of the savings they wanted to use to get to Florida.
You know, it seems like more and more rules are bein' made to keep people from helpin' each other 'round here.
And the trains still do not run on time.
You're all being very logical and very realistic.
You're about to let logic and reality talk you out of something you want to happen.
Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland did not think logically when putting on a show.
Doris, my mom doesn't have an attic full of clothes and your pop doesn't have a barn- the times have changed.
Besides, you were the one who said all that stuff about the rules.
For once in your life, ignore me.
Look, I don't know which way this is all gonna turn out but either we build a bridge or build a wall.
Those two old guys used to be us.
Someday we're gonna be them.
I'd like to think there'll be someone to help me when I get to the short end of the string.
Someone who cared enough not to let rules tell them what to do.
Good morning.
Phenicia, dear, would you please go in there and put that Ping-Pong table up against the wall for me, please? - Mr.
Shorofsky! - Yes? Good morning.
How are you? - I'm fine.
You left that Ping-Pong- - Table tennis.
Whatever you call it, you left it in the middle of the dance floor.
You were supposed to store it up against the wall.
That was our agreement.
- Not my fault.
I'm sorry.
- Not your fault? I played Mr.
Crandall last night.
Beat him three straight.
He just stormed out after the last game.
- I couldn't move the table by myself.
- Well, Mr.
Shorofsky sometimes I come in early to rehearse.
I can't move that big thing by myself.
Now, what are we going to do about that? - Do you happen to play? - No, I do not.
I thought, possibly, we could settle it.
Play two out of three- - I do not play, Mr.
Shorofsky.
- Pity.
Phenicia, dear! Didn't I just ask you to put that thing up? Be another two or three minutes yet.
Hey, you wanna know what happened to that soap opera you like so much? - You bet.
- Cindy died.
- What? - I told you she was in intensive care.
Yeah, but you didn't make it sound like she was gonna die.
Well, she didn't look that sick, to tell you the truth.
Couldn't you build up to it a little, I mean, soften the blow? Not just "Cindy died.
" Use a little tact or something.
Okay.
Cindy entered a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest.
She won.
And she's still competing.
- Who is it? - It's okay, Mr.
O'Bannion.
Friends out here.
Come on in.
Mr.
Whelan, Mr.
O'Bannion, I'd like you to meet two friends of mine.
This is LeroyJohnson, and this is Julie Miller.
Hey, you're the dancer I've heard so much about, right? - Yes, sir.
- I've watched him from the booth.
- He's good.
- Really? - You bet.
- Well? Go ahead.
That's why you came, Leroy.
Go ahead.
Well, I don't want to bother you guys any - but I'd like to ask you both a question.
- Well, yeah, sure.
- Sure.
Go ahead.
What is it? - Fire away.
Well, I'm sorta like just gettin' started in this dancin' thing and I was wondering- Have you guys ever regretted bein' dancers? - I mean, ever, in all those years? - Never.
- Not once.
- You sure? Leroy.
All dancing is is the ability to move the way children imagine angels move.
Now who could ever regret being able to do something like that? It's being able to carve a statue out of thin air.
And you're the statue and the sculptor all at the same time.
And even if the routine is always the same that statue you're making changes with each new performance.
You know something? At this benefit, I'm gonna dance my butt off for you guys.
Don't do that.
You need the counterbalance on spins.
- Isn't that right, Birdie? - It sure is.
You should know.
Good morning, Miss Grant.
How are you today? - Just fine, Leroy, thank you.
- Oh, that's good.
I just thought I'd come in here early to rehearse.
- You don't mind if I do that, do you? - No.
Since you're always telling me to rehearse, well, here I am.
Bright and early.
Ready to rehearse, just like you're always tellin' me to.
Leroy, why are you talking so loud? I guess I'm talking loud because I'm so full of energy.
That's it.
You ever get up in the morning and you're so full of energy that you just can't wait till you get in here to rehearse? Well, yeah, sometimes.
But I don't- - Was that pretty good? - Well, that was fierce.
What do you call that step in French? - Cabriole grand jeté.
- That's it! I just did a pretty fierce cabriole grand jeté.
How about that? And I came in here early to do it this morning.
Well, Leroy, I must say I am impressed.
Thank you, Miss Grant.
You know what? I think I'm gonna keep doin' stuff like this, till I get the hang of it.
Shoot.
I thought I got rid of that cold.
I think I better ease up off these early rehearsals, Miss Grant.
- The air's kinda damp in here.
- Leroy? You better do somethin' about that cough now.
Don't you worry, Miss Grant.
I will.
You can count on it.
- Bless you! - Thank you! What's this, please? Lady in my building overheard me talking about this exercise kick you're on and she asked if I could set up a match between the two of you.
That's her name, and she'll be calling you.
Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe.
Sounds English.
It is.
Her husband's with the trade delegation at the UN.
Is Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe a good sport? Because I'm likely to beat her, you know.
- She said she played some Ping-Pong- - Table tennis! When she was in school, but that was 1 0 or 1 5 years ago.
- And she hasn't played again since then.
- Fine.
Have her give me a call, by all means.
I will do my best to keep it close.
You are so considerate.
Hi.
Who rained on your parade? I picked up my dry cleaning this morning.
That was in the window.
It's about a benefit, featuring performers from the School of the Arts.
Well, if it's for some kind of charity- I'm sure that's how the kids are looking at it.
But I did some calling, some checking around.
Any of our students set foot on that stage Saturday night they're out of this school like a shot.
And no more than 1,000 words, and no less than 500.
And please, take some care with your handwriting.
Half the time, I can't tell whether I'm supposed to be reading an essay or breaking some sort of secret code.
Stick around.
Tardy slips? What for? You're going to be late for your next class.
- We have some talking to do.
- About what? About how you're going to cancel the so-called benefit tomorrow night.
Well, I'm not gonna be late for my next class 'cause I'm not listenin' to any of that talk.
If you have anything to do with that benefit, you're out of the school.
- Period.
- Why? For trying to help somebody? No.
For breaking a rule of the school.
A rule that's there for a reason and a rule that won't be changed or appealed, regardless of good motives.
What rule? Mr.
O'Bannion is an employee of the Board of Education.
Students raising money for employees to use for personal benefit is not allowed under any circumstances.
It looks as if you're courting favor.
It looks as if it might be a bribe.
Excuse me, isn't it a little difficult to court favor from a janitor? An employee is an employee.
The rule doesn't make any differentiation between a supervisor and a janitor and a teacher.
No employee accepts money from any student for any reason.
- You think we'd get expelled? - There's a good chance of it, yes.
I don't have no homework this weekend, 'cause I'm doin' the benefit.
Leroy, that's very noble- Look, don't you know who Mr.
O'Bannion and Birdie Whelan are? Don't you know who they used to be? They were very special people.
- You can look it up! Birdie- - I know what Mr.
O'Bannion used to do and I don't want to hear any of you mention the name of Birdie Whelan because I don't want to know anything about him or where he happens to be living at the moment.
Because if I knew about it, I might have to do something about it.
But since I don't know about it, there's nothing I can do.
Do I make myself clear? You really were talkin' to the people at the Knights of St.
Anthony, weren't you? - Yes.
- And you're in a box, right? And if we were having this conversation, I would have to tell you that I don't see any way for you to do what you're trying to do without jeopardizing your place here.
But since we're really not having this conversation and you're not officially telling us- Because I do not officially know anything about Birdie Whelan.
- I wasn't slammin' the door.
- It sure sounded like it.
Well, I was slammin' a situation.
I wasn't slammin' you.
Thanks for clearing that up.
Hey, you two! I wanna show you something.
What do you think? A thing of beauty, isn't she? Birdie and me signed the papers on it last night.
- Mr.
O'Bannion- - She's gorgeous! - Really.
Never seen a better one.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations to you both.
- Doris- You're right.
We're gonna be late for our next period.
Really, a thing of beauty.
A definite 1 0.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Now, if we can just keep up the payments.
Doris, what are you, crazy? - You know what Miss Sherwood said.
- There's a way.
There's always a way.
There's gotta be a way! All we gotta do is find it.
- May I help you? - Are you Mr.
Shorofsky? - Yes.
- I'm Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe.
I believe Lydia Grant mentioned me to you? - You are Mrs.
Peyton-Smythe? - Yes! - Hi, Lang.
- Hello.
- Lovely coat.
- Thank you.
Benjamin, I was just on my way home.
Hey, why don't I give you a hand setting this up, so you all can get started? You told me she was English.
No, you told me her name sounded English, and I told you her husband was with the trade delegation at the UN.
He is English.
He'd been doin' the same job when he met her a few years ago.
- Where did he meet her? - Canton, China.
I'm told the Chinese are very good table tennis players.
Do tell.
Well, you two kids have a good time and I can't wait to hear how everything turns out.
Your serve.
Good serve! One-nothing.
Two-nothing! Gott in Himmel.
! Three-nothing! - Nice turnout.
- More's the pity.
If there weren't such a big turnout, we could look the other way.
Ladies and gentlemen.
It's my pleasure to announce the host of tonight's festivities: Mr.
Montgomery MacNeil.
! Thank you.
Some of you may not know what the purpose of this evening is.
Well, it's my job to tell you.
We're here to honor courage tonight and loyalty and love between two kindred spirits.
The kind of love that accepts and forgets.
Tonight, we have the great good fortune to honor Clumpy! Sit.
Sit! Good dog.
I don't know whether you could see it when Clumpy walked out here but he suffers from an arthritic hip.
And although it may look like he's walking on four legs he really has only three to rely on.
Now, we're here to raise money to send Clumpy to a warmer climate where he can run in the fields and rest his bones.
But I think it would be a great disservice to just drop him off at Kennedy Airport with a tourist ticket in his mouth.
So those two gentlemen have graciously offered to be Clumpy's traveling companions.
And his watchdogs.
So it's Clumpy we're honoring tonight.
That's what the money's for, not a teacher, or a person.
Welcome to the first annual Clumpy Fund.
- Huh? - I didn't say anything.
You know, a few nights ago this young man came up to Tim and myself and asked us how we felt about dancing.
Well, I forgot to mention one very important thing to him about that when he asked us, and that is because of dancing we feel young.
Because as long as a dancer can tap his toe and - count up to four in the clear- - It's not easy.
He'll be a dancer, and dancers are always young.
There are some that are smooth and some that are wrinkled but we're all young.
You know, there's one problem with being a hoofer.
Situations like this.
We never have an ending to the act.
I mean, there's no such thing for guys like Birdie and me- no such thing as talking up to a big finish.
We weren't taught that way.
Matter of fact, one time in Steubenville, Ohio, when you were locked out- Here we go.