Family Matters s01e14 Episode Script

- Hey, Aunt Rachel.
- Hi.
We're going to the mall.
You wanna come? I'm not exactly dressed for it.
I think I'll take a shower instead.
Have fun.
Hi, everybody.
Urkel, don't you ever knock? No, I don't like to disturb anyone.
If you guys are going out, mind if I tag along? We're not going anywhere.
Uh, we're playing hide-and-seek.
Hide-and-seek, that's it.
Oh, great.
My parents play this with me all the time.
Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name.
Okay, you're it.
Go in the closet and count to 25.
Gee, thanks, Laura.
This is gonna be loads of fun.
And, Laura, I'm coming after you first.
Let's go.
Ready or not, here I come.
That shower running doesn't fool me, Laura.
Sorry, Rachel.
Wow! - Good dinner, Mom.
- Yeah.
Thanks, sweetie.
Who wants to help with dishes? - I got a ton of homework.
- Me too.
I'm going over to Rodney's.
He's got a new video game.
Freeze, nobody move.
It's tough having a cop for a father.
Dinner isn't over yet.
I made dessert.
Well, this is my special lemon cream tarts.
Come on, Carl.
Where'd you buy them? At that little bakery that named a doughnut after you? For your information, Rachel, I happen to be a great cook.
Carl, you don't cook, you burn.
You burn eggs, you burn toast.
You're the only man I know who burns Jell-O.
Well, I'll pretend I wasn't insulted by that.
Because I know that once you taste one of these babies you all will be heaping me with praise.
I even made a special one for little Richie.
A lemon cream tartette.
They look pretty good.
Judy, Dad made them.
How good can they be? Of course, I know I'll love them.
Heh-heh.
Hey, this is good.
See? Edward likes them.
What does that prove? Eddie eats paste.
Oh, no.
This is a lot better than paste.
Mmm.
Carl, this is delicious.
Mmm! Oh, this is better than delicious, this is fantastic.
- Where did you learn how to cook like this? - It's my father's secret recipe.
The Winslow men have been passing it down for generations.
- You never told me about it.
- Well, that's why it's a secret recipe.
Carl, if I had known you could cook like this I would've hung up my apron long ago.
Well, now it's time to pass on the secret of the Winslow tart down to Edward.
Son, we've talked about the birds and the bees.
Now it's time to talk about the flour and the filling.
You're not gonna draw stick figures again, are you? Carl, do you think you could whip up a batch of these for my writer's workshop meeting? Well, we usually only serve these to family members but, hey, it's the '90s, the Berlin Wall is down.
I'll make an exception.
Great.
Okay, now that we've all enjoyed the Winslow tart who's gonna help with dishes? - Homework.
- Homework.
- Rodney's.
- Diapers.
See, Carl, if you cooked more, you'd know.
Never serve them dessert until after the dishes are done.
Hi.
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Dad.
How was your day? It was a day like any other day.
We took a bite out of crime and the lawyers spit it back out in the streets.
All right, everybody, listen up.
Carl, you know the batch of tarts you made for my writer's workshop? Well, one of the members of the group is the manager of Roberto's Café.
He's the manager of a restaurant and he wants to be a writer? Well, what he really wants to do is direct.
But the point is, he ate one of your tarts and he loved it.
Carl, the restaurant wants to buy your tarts.
The restaurant wants to buy my tarts? Yes.
You know, I figure we can bake a few batches right here in the house.
- That's - Wait a minute.
You and Carl, in my kitchen, cooking? I don't think so.
Oh, Harriette, relax.
You know, we won't make a mess of the kitchen.
It's a little project that will bring the family some extra money.
Yeah, I like the sound of this.
Family-owned business.
Low overhead, quick returns.
A ready supply of unskilled labor.
You know what? She's right, Carl.
Now all we need is a snappy name for the product.
Carl's Cop Cakes.
I like that.
I like that.
Hey, you think they'll put my picture on the menu? Oh, for Pete's sakes.
Wait a minute.
A picture is a great idea.
I think we should set this up as a family corporation.
Everyone contributes, everyone gets an equal share.
That's a good idea too.
Well, wait a minute.
I don't wanna seem petty, but it is my recipe.
Okay, you get two shares.
Wait a minute.
I made the sale.
Okay, you get two shares too.
- What about Grandma? - She's out of town.
Out of town, out of luck.
Laura, she's your grandmother.
- All right.
- Well, enough talk about shares.
- Let's talk about important things.
- Okay.
You think I should wear a chef's hat in my picture? Ooh, a chef's hat.
That's a great idea.
- Is Rachel back from the restaurant yet? - Not yet.
I told her to flirt with the manager.
Maybe he'll beef up the order.
Hi, everyone.
- Aunt Rachel, how did it go? - It went great.
The restaurant loved them.
Not only that, but the restaurant is part of a chain owned by one of those big corporations, Amalgamated Foods.
And they loved them too.
This is gonna be big.
- Bigger than you can even imagine.
- Yeah.
But did you show them my picture? Yes, and they loved everything.
Let's celebrate.
Rachel, hold it.
You're selling too hard.
What's the catch? Is there bad news? No, it's not really bad news.
The regional manager placed an order for all the restaurants in the tristate area.
They want us to bake 1000.
Is that bad news? No, it's not bad news.
A thousand tarts is a lot of tarts.
But as long as they don't want them by Monday, we can do it.
- So when do they want them? - Monday.
Oh, so that's the bad news? No, no.
Not to me.
It means we're really gonna have to pull together, but we can do it.
Carl, I like your attitude.
And that's exactly the way I felt when I agreed to bake 1000 tarts.
Then I found out they meant A thou? Twelve thousand tarts by Monday? This Monday? Day after tomorrow, Monday? That's the bad news.
Twelve thousand tarts in two days.
It's not as many as it sounds.
I don't know.
It sounds like a lot.
I do know and it sounds impossible.
Boy, Harriette, sometimes you are so negative.
You always see the glass as half empty.
I see it as half full.
Oh, it's full, all right.
It has 12,000 tarts in it.
Rachel, do you really think we can bake that many tarts in two days? Of course we can.
Carl, where there's a will, there's a way.
We've got to dream the impossible dream.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
- Rachel.
- Hm? I hate to interrupt your clichés but you'll have to tell Amalgamated Foods that you just can't do it.
It's not that easy.
They gave me an advance.
Well, give them the money back.
I can't do that.
On the way home, I stopped off for a few odds and ends.
Uh, I'Il I'll get that.
Why don't all of you go upstairs and check on Richie? Thanks so much.
Hi, Rachel.
Got your order.
Thanks, Phil.
That goes in the kitchen, right through there.
How you folks doing? A few odds and ends, huh, Rachel? Just the bare necessities.
Oh, hi, Gus, how you doing? That goes in the kitchen, right through there.
Follow Phil.
Thanks.
Rachel, what's that? It's a Bartlett 111.
That baby can mix 300 gallons of batter an hour.
Come on, I wanna show you how it works.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Rachel, have you lost your mind? You know what your problem is, Harriette? You don't know how to take risks.
Do you think Famous Amos was famous before he took risks? No.
And before she started baking, who do you think Mrs.
Fields was? Miss Fields? She was just an everyday housewife with a couple of chocolate chips and a dream.
We've got a dream too, Harriette.
And we are not gonna rest until we make Carl the prince of tarts.
- Amen.
- You got it.
Hold the sermon.
Am I not good enough to be the king of tarts? Oh, Carl, you know you're king.
King of tarts, that's Look, look, look.
I know you guys think that I'm the one who says stop when you wanna go.
But I've done a lot of baking and I know that what you're about to do is impossible.
So I'm begging you, please.
Stop and think about what you're getting into.
- All right, is everybody with me? - Yeah.
Now I know how the pastry chef felt on the Titanic.
We work hard for the money So hard for it, honey Work that up in there, baby.
That's right.
Put that in now.
So you better treat us right Wow! Yes.
Now see, isn't this great? I mean, not only are we making extra money but we are making a memory.
- Hey, Mom.
- Mm-hm? Mrs.
Cordini says we can use her oven all night, if we stop singing.
That woman never did have any class.
Look at Mr.
Cordini.
Hi, Laura.
You busy? Forget it, Steve.
I don't even have time to be mean.
Great.
Maybe I'll stay a while.
Can I help? Yeah.
You got an oven we can use cheap? Sure, you can use mine for free.
All I ask is for Laura's hand in marriage.
Exactly how big is your oven? Dad.
Say is that a Bartlett 111? Well, as a matter of fact, it is.
How did you know? Well, they have one just like this at the doughnut shop downtown.
You know, a mouse fell in there once when they were making a batch of jelly doughnuts.
Well, that's terrible.
Not really.
They didn't get one complaint.
Exactly which doughnut shop was this? The one next to the police station.
You ever eat there, Carl? Get him out of here.
Get him out.
No need to see me to the door.
I'll show myself out.
Come on, Judy, try to keep up.
I can't.
I have a stomachache.
That's because you eat more tarts than you make.
How would you like a tart up your nose? Come on, sweetheart.
It is way past your bedtime.
Mom, I hate tarts.
We all do, honey.
Rachel, I'm gonna get you for this.
What a grouch.
I think we ought to take away one of her shares.
Come on, everybody.
We're slowing down.
Well, Rachel, I'm mixing as fast as I can.
How many more of these stinking tarts do we need? Nine thousand four hundred and thirty-two.
We're never gonna make it by Monday.
Dad, when are we gonna take a break? I don't know.
Ask your Aunt Rachel.
She's the head tart.
Come on, we've got tarts to make.
Rachel, you're putting too much filling in those.
I'm what? You shot your bag at me.
- Sorry.
- You did that on purpose.
- I did not.
- You did too.
- Did not.
- Did too.
Look, we're tired enough, okay? Let's not waste our energy fighting.
You're right, Rachel.
Let's get back to work.
Darn.
- What's wrong now? - Oh, my bag is clogged.
- Heh-heh.
- Okay.
No more Mr.
Nice-Guy.
Oh, come on, Carl.
Now, don't do something you're gonna regret.
I'm not gonna regret this.
I'm gonna love it.
All right, stand back.
I've got flour here and I'm not afraid to use it.
This is silly.
- Truce? - Truce.
- Sucker.
- Ooh! Say your prayers, Winslow.
Food fight! Hey, Dad.
You wouldn't dare.
Excuse me.
Excuse me! I saw your lights were on.
Got anything to eat? - Steve.
- Steve.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Hey! Look at you, people.
Look at my kitchen.
Have you all lost your minds? - He started it.
- I did not.
- Wasn't me.
- Did not.
- Did.
- I was just minding my own business.
I just came over for a snack.
I don't care who started it, it's over.
I'm not gonna say how you acted like children or how you destroyed my kitchen or what a dumb idea this was to begin with.
I'm not gonna say that.
I'm not gonna say she started it.
And I'm not gonna say I had lousy help.
Good, I'm glad we're all agreed.
- She started it.
Did not.
Did not.
- You did.
Did.
Shut up! Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face? No.
No, I don't wanna be the king of tarts.
No.
Get the mouse.
Get the mouse.
Tarts incoming.
Hit the deck! Hit the - Daddy, you're dreaming.
- Oh.
Oh.
- What time is it? - Eight o'clock.
- Did you guys finish? - Two hours ago.
Your Aunt Rachel took the rest of the tarts to the restaurant.
Oy vey.
Did we get a check? Yeah, it's right here.
Wow, we're rich.
Whoa.
That's a lot of money.
Well, we still have to deduct a few expenses.
- Like what? - Well, like flour and eggs and bakery racks and pots and pans and the Bartlett 111 and the trailer I rented to haul the tarts to the restaurant.
Rachel, what's the bottom line here? How much profit are we looking at? Twenty-four dollars.
We worked straight through the weekend for a measly $24 a piece? No.
Twenty-four dollars, total.
That's $4 a piece.
I knew this would never work.
Excuse me, Miss Black Enterprise.
Weren't you the one who was gonna take this public? Harriette, I was the one who put the thought in her head.
Me and my dumb ideas.
It wasn't a dumb idea.
It just wasn't thought out.
I just thought it would be wonderful for our family to start our own little business.
No, no, no.
It was all my fault.
I should've kept my secret recipe a secret.
No, no, no.
I pushed you into it.
No, no, no.
Now, I had my name on it.
No, no, no.
It was my fault.
No, no, no.
It was everybody's fault.
Except mine.
We did actually bake 12,000 tarts.
Not counting the ones we threw, that was pretty amazing.
Yeah.
I liked the food fight.
Well, I know one thing for sure: This weekend, the Winslows proved that they can do anything when they put their minds to it.
- Now, isn't that the truth? We are amazing.
And now we've got to set our mind to cleaning up this kitchen.
- Oh, no.
- Let's go get it.
- Maybe we'll try again next time.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Ha-ha-ha.
There's always that.
Yeah, that'd be the thing to do All right, let's get cracking.
- Homework.
- Homework.
Rodney's.
Why don't we take the $24 and pay somebody to clean this up? - Now, that's a good idea.
- Mm-hm.