Gilmore Girls s01e14 Episode Script

- Hello? - Do you come bearing pizza? - I'm not an idiot.
- Then get in here.
- Sit.
You're missing it.
- What are we watching? The incomparable Donna Reed Show.
- What's in there? - A salad.
Salad? It's a quaint dish sometimes used to precede large quantities of pizza.
- It's for me.
- Clearly.
So, who's Donna Reed? - What? - You don't know who Donna Reed is? The quintessential '50s mom with the perfect '50s family? Never without a smile and high heels? Hair that if you hit with a hammer would crack? - So, it's a show? - It's a lifestyle.
It's a religion.
- My favorite episode - Tell me.
is when their son, Jeff, comes home from school, and nothing happens.
That's a good one.
One of my favorites is when Mary, the daughter, gets a part-time job - and nothing happens.
- Another classic.
So what's this one about? This one is actually quite filled with intrigue.
The husband, Alex, comes home late for dinner, and he didn't call.
Might as well kick the dog, too.
Look, she's making doughnuts.
bind in the sugar department.
- I was thinking of something else.
Not that my sugary attitude wouldn't make anyone an instant diabetic.
Mother-daughter window washing.
We should try that.
Right after mother-daughter shock treatments.
There's nothing more satisfying than washing windows.
Oh, no.
What? Did I miss a spot? No, I just had an impure thought about your father, Alex.
Funny, I don't know why I had it.
It isn't the second Saturday of the month.
I heard you had an impure thought about me.
I must now sublimate all my impure thoughts by going into the kitchen and making an endless string of perfect casseroles.
- You're not even listening to the dialogue.
- Ours is better.
I don't know, it all seems kind of nice to me.
What does? Families hanging together, a wife cooking dinner for her husband.
- And look, she seems really happy.
- She's medicated.
- And acting from a script.
- Written by a man.
Well said, sister suffragette.
What if she likes making doughnuts and dinner for her family and keeping things nice for them Okay, I feel very unpopular right now.
You know, dear, the first 10 years we were married I was upset when you came home late for dinner.
- Then you're not anymore? - No.
You are no longer late for dinner.
You're just extremely early for breakfast.
Voila! Your breakfast.
Hey, l'm not saying a word.
- Can brains hurt? - Yes, it's hypochondria hour.
I'm serious.
Last night, when I was reading my biology chapters I distinctly heard a ping in the vicinity of my brain.
- Your brain pinged? - Yeah.
- It just went dink.
- Then your brain dinked.
It didn't ping.
A dinking brain isn't any less worrisome than a pinging brain.
- You got me there.
- So should I go to a tumor doctor? You don't have a tumor.
You're reading too much.
- You're probably just losing your eyesight.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hi, can you take a little constructive criticism? - No.
- Okay, this place could use a makeover.
It needs sprucing up, like a coat of paint.
- I don't spruce.
- What do you mean you don't spruce? - What he means is he won't spruce.
- Taylor, do not start.
Me and the rest of the Town Beautification Committee have been hounding him for years to freshen up the place.
Maybe a couple of nice zinnia pots out front, some yellow awnings a peppy little cardboard pig announcing the specials.
But he's a mule.
He won't talk, he won't reason, he won't spruce.
You might as well forget it, Lorelai.
I'm forgetting it, too.
Finally a Taylor Doose position I can get behind.
Faded paint is a bad reflection on the whole town.
- Whatever happened to giving up? - When standards slip, families flee and in comes the seedy crowd.
You got trouble, my friends.
Right here in River City.
- This is not funny, Lorelai.
- Does anyone want anything? Yes, I do.
I want to know why you won't paint this place.
It's a pain.
I'd have to close for a day, which I can't afford, or paint it at night which I don't want to do because I hate painting.
How about this? - I'll help you.
I love to paint.
- You do? - Yes, I do.
- You love it? - I want to marry it.
- You have strange passions.
She likes washing dishes, too.
She's multifaceted abnormal.
Come on.
We'll drink a couple of beers, sing painting songs.
- Painting songs? - Yeah, painting songs.
Like, you know, the song that goes: Grab your brush and grab your rollers All you kids and all you bowlers We're going paintin' today Say yes, or there's another verse.
I guess maybe if I had help.
- Really? Oh, my God, that's wonderful! - Taylor, it's not for you.
It's for me.
I can't wait to tell the rest of the committee.
They won't believe this.
I hate that he's pleased.
You'll drop a gum wrapper in the street in front of his store later.
Yeah, good idea.
Kick-ass wine.
- How poetic.
- It's got a nice smell.
Earthy, vibrant.
- You can taste the Italian's feet.
- It's a Bordeaux.
It's French.
What's an Italian's foot doing in a French wine? So when do you guys leave for Martha's Vineyard? We're not going to Martha's Vineyard this year.
Why not? Our usual rental wasn't available when we inquired late.
We should have just bought a place years ago, like I wanted.
It wouldn't have been prudent.
- Now we have no place to go next week.
- You could always go somewhere else.
We always go to the Vineyard at this time of year.
You could break the chain, Dad.
- Go to Paris.
- Yes, Paris.
- Impressionism, poodles - Creme brulee.
- That's great.
- Impossible.
Pourquoi? French.
We only go to Europe in the fall.
I heard a rumor Europe's still there in spring.
- I heard it, too.
- We know it's there in the spring.
But we never go then because we always go in the fall.
It's getting a bit too Lewis Carroll for me.
What is so interesting about Europe in the spring? Spring vegetables.
You want us to go to Europe to eat a vegetable? No, I don't know.
There's all kinds of stuff.
- There's festivals and, you know, Europe.
- In the fall.
It costs a fortune to travel first-class in Europe.
- We only do it every two years.
- In the fall.
- It's just not in the budget this year.
- You don't have to fly first class.
'Cause there's always coach.
Or business class is slightly less.
There's deals on the Internet.
- Pass the potatoes.
- You got it.
'Catherine the Great, 1729 to'96.
- 'Empress of Russia, 1762 to '96.
' - Hold still, please.
'Originally named Sophie Friederike Auguste von Anhalt-Zerbst.
' But everybody called her Kitten.
'Married to Grand Duke Peter of Holstein in 1754.
' - Rory, seriously - 'The marriage was an unhappy one.
' There were way too many names.
Lady with notecards, look at lady with needle and focus so I can sew the button on your sweater and not on my thumb.
I'm sorry.
I'll get it.
You're 4 years old.
- Hiya, baby doll.
- Hi, Babbette.
You want some coffee? - No, I just came over to ask a big favor.
- Ask away.
Morey just got a call to play a gig at the Village Vanguard tonight - so we gotta go to New York.
- Wow! - Cream? - And sugar.
Thanks.
Anyway, yesterday Morey and I finally broke down and we got ourselves a new baby.
Honey, you got a kitten.
Good for you.
- What's its name? - Apricot.
He's just the cutest thing.
But he's so teeny.
There's no way he can go with us and I would hate for him to stay alone in the house.
So I was thinking maybe Rory could come over and housesit for the evening.
- I'd love to.
- Great.
We got a kitchen full of food, and Morey got cable so you can watch those four girls talking dirty if you want to.
- Sounds good.
- You're an angel.
- Both of you, angels.
You have a key? - We got it covered.
Great, l'll leave you the number of where we're staying.
Have a good time.
We'll be back tomorrow.
- I love you crazy girls.
- Bye! I can't believe how fast you agreed to spend the night away from me.
You're crazy.
I'm doing her a favor.
Sure you are.
That's okay.
Don't you worry about me.
I'll be just fine.
I'd like to debate you on that, but l'm late for the bus.
This is only the second night we've ever spent apart.
- Doesn't that make you sad? - Yeah, but l'll get over it.
Paul and Linda McCartney only spent - Did you know that? - I did not know that.
They were truly devoted to each other.
Being apart was too painful to even talk about.
I understand.
I don't think Linda would've even considered cat-sitting without Paul.
Mom, when I go off to college, l'm gonna be gone every night.
- What will you do then? - I will go with you.
I'll sleep on the floor in your dorm, next to your bed.
- At least you've got a plan.
- Yes.
Perhaps you'd like to take a picture of me with you tonight.
- In case you get Ionely, you can talk to it.
- Bye.
- Carry your bird, miss? - Hi, I didn't expect to see you here.
I just wanted to say hello.
Hello.
- So, who's your friend? - Homework.
Really? We will be cohabitating for the next month so I can examine its every move.
- Jealous? - I'll get over it.
I'm house-sitting tonight for Babbette, and I was thinking maybe if the right offer came along, I might be up to some company.
- I'm offering.
- I'm accepting.
- Good.
- You wanna get some coffee? I can't.
I have to get to work.
- I thought you go to work at 5:00.
- No, 4:00 on Thursdays.
For some reason, Thursday's always really busy.
Lots of oppressed housewives shopping for their husbands' dinner.
- Wow.
- What? That was a little pointed.
- What are you talking about? - The crack about the housewives - shopping for their husbands' dinner.
- Come on, it was a joke.
It was a pretty weird joke to hear coming out of your mouth.
You are so sensitive about the whole Donna Reed thing.
I'm not sensitive about it.
I just find it ridiculous.
- Why? - What do you mean, why? - So she cooked a lot.
- A lot? She made homemade doughnuts, chocolate cake a lamb chop-mashed potato dinner and enough stew to feed Cambodia all in one episode.
- So what? - You really like that concept, don't you? No, I Yeah, sort of.
- Oh, my God.
- It's a little over the top but the general idea of a wife cooking dinner for her family That's nice.
Why is that not nice? It's not just that.
It's the having to have the dinner on the table as soon as the husband gets home and having to look perfect to do housework and the whole concept that her one point in life is to serve somebody else.
Yes, but maybe there are two points of view here.
I don't think so.
You feel that way because your mother feels that way.
- So I have no opinions of my own? - I didn't mean that.
If I have no opinions of my own, then l'd be just the kind of girl you like.
My mom made dinner for my dad every day before she started working.
Now she even does it on the weekends.
What does that say about her? It says she has a choice and Donna Reed didn't.
You do realize that Donna Reed wasn't real.
I know that, but she represented millions of women that were real and did have to dress and act like that Please tell me how we began arguing about The Donna Reed Show.
I don't know.
Look, I gotta go to work, so - Bye.
- Dean? - What? - Bird.
- Good, l'm just about to leave.
- Where are you going? To Luke's.
We're picking out paint colors tonight so it's gonna be hours of 'yes, no, yes, no' until my famous perseverance wears him down and he ends up in a ball on the floor crying like a girl.
- Wanna come watch? - I'm house-sitting, remember? Yeah, but you have to eat.
Come have a burger.
No, thanks.
- What is that? - It's for school.
- He's so cute.
What's his name? - Case Study Number 12.
Is that hyphenated? Honey, he's adorable.
He should have a name.
I'm not bonding with my midterm, thank you.
All right, l'll name him.
Hi, your name is Stanley.
Hi, Stanley.
It's a girl.
Sorry about the Stanley thing.
Your name is Stella.
Stella's nice, and she was married to Stanley.
Call it whatever you want.
- You're grumpy.
What happened? - Nothing, just a long day.
You know what the remedy is? A ringside seat while Luke envisions strangling me with his baseball cap.
I'll leave the chick here tonight so the kitten doesn't get any fancy ideas.
She's been fed.
If she gets too loud, put her in my room.
- I'll call you later.
- Okay.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Just a bad afternoon.
I'll fix it.
Call me if you need a wrench or something.
I will.
Now, this is another way to go.
Sort of a French bistro kind of a look.
- This isn't a French bistro.
- Really? It's amazing what you learn when you listen.
Which you usually don't.
Then I don't have useless information intruding in my brain.
Thank God.
If you wanted to do more warm, golden Tuscan countryside Then l'd go to Italy.
Here, l'll wrap this.
We could also go with a pastelly English-country-garden theme.
Maybe we could add stenciling on the ceiling.
- No stenciling.
- Do you even know what stenciling is? - Does Martha Stewart do it? - Yes.
No stenciling.
- Ask him.
- I will.
- Go on.
- Don't push.
- Hello.
- What do you want, Kirk? Taylor tells me you're thinking of painting this place.
That's right.
He is.
Excuse me, l'd like to hear it from him.
- Luke, is that true? - Yes, Kirk, it is true.
- Really? - Yes.
- This is your final decision? - Yes, it is.
- 'Cause it's not too late - You heard him.
He's painting this place.
Pay up.
Thank you.
- Sorry, man.
- It's a little late for that, don't you think? I like this.
Okay, I get it.
Hold on.
Meow if you need anything else.
Hi, is Dean in? This is Rory.
Will you tell him I called? Okay, thanks.
- You ready to talk paint? - No.
Good.
I've got all the choices set up and while any one of them would work I think this combo is currently my favorite.
See? Imagine, this will be for the walls, this will be for the trim the edging around the doors and the windows.
- I know what the trim is.
- Okay.
The colors are quite similar to what you have here now but they're a little richer, a little warmer.
What do you think? Wait, wait.
- A little ambience? - This is a diner.
We don't do ambience.
One argument at a time.
So what do you think? Honestly? I have no idea.
Do you like it? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Good.
What are you doing? The Town Council wanted to do a before-and-after poster.
- Out.
- Bye.
That's it.
We're closed for the night.
Since you have to take everything off the walls anyway now is a good time to decide what stuff you'll keep and what stuff you'll get rid of.
- Everything stays.
- Okay.
There is a plastic dancing pork chop that says Everything stays.
'I lost my head over a good chop.
You should, too.
' - Everything stays.
- Okay, everything stays.
This place hasn't been painted since my dad was alive.
- No, I didn't know that.
- He painted it before he opened it and once more when the roof caved in one winter.
- I think that's probably it.
- The paint lasted a long time.
- He got his money's worth.
- Yeah.
He really loved this place, you know? The store was his life.
Mine, too, I guess.
I spent every minute I wasn't in school in here.
I spent a lot of minutes I was supposed to be in school.
But why a diner? Why didn't you keep it a hardware store? I didn't love the hardware business the way my dad did and I knew how to cook, so I thought a diner would be more - fun.
- That's a hard word for you to say.
I just always wanted to work here.
- Just where Dad did.
- God, that's nice to be so, I don't know, connected to your dad.
- I would have loved that.
- You've got that with Rory.
Yeah, I guess so.
I still think there's a spot on the wall somewhere where my dad took an order one day when he ran out of paper.
- Really? Where? - I don't know.
Behind the counter maybe.
Next to the door.
On the right side.
Here it is.
'Three hammers, Phillips-head screwdriver.
' 'Three boxes of nails in assorted sizes.
' I've seen it from time to time.
I guess it is time for a little spruce.
Yeah, it is.
But let's not spruce this particular spot.
- That sounds good.
- Okay.
- Jeez.
- No, don't get up.
- Lf I don't - They'll go away, trust me.
They should be in there.
Anyway, just imagine it all in pastels.
The whole thing.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- I should go.
- Oh, yeah.
- It's gonna be great.
- I'm sure it is.
- See you.
- See you.
- How's it going? - Very well.
I have discovered that, in addition to my lameness in geometry I also will not become a biologist, French translator, or Civil War buff.
I guess that leaves bass player for the Foo Fighters.
I also wouldn't rule out keyboardist in the Siouxsie and the Banshees reunion tour.
I like that you keep an open mind.
- So, what's up? - I need to borrow a CD.
- Which one? - The weird one.
I need more information.
I don't know which one it is, but if I saw it, l'd know.
Okay, let's have a look.
Okay, we have classic rock, progressive rock, pretty-boy rock Excuse me? Bon Jovi, Duran Duran, The Wallflowers, Bush Got it.
Next? Punk, new wave, German metal bands - Broadway soundtracks.
- Interesting filing system.
- Anything yet? - Nope, sorry.
Over there, we have jazz, jazz vocals, classical, country rockabilly, Sinatra, The Capitol Years.
Oh, wait.
- The miscellaneous section.
- That sounds right.
William Shatner.
Is this the one where he sings Tambourine Man? And Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
Remind me to get this for my mom for her birthday.
Oh, wait.
That's it.
- Can I? - Take it.
- Thanks.
- So, what are you doing? - I'm not completely sure yet.
- Okay, I want details.
Oh, no.
Do something.
Show yourself.
Molt, or chirp, or something.
This is so not funny.
Not funny.
This is unbelievable.
All day long, just chirps like a maniac at the top of her lungs.
And now, nothing.
Silence.
Marcel Marceau chicken.
That's okay.
I can fix this.
We can fix this.
I'm going to make this better.
I'm going to fix - Hello? - Yeah? Stella got out, and I don't know Do I put seed on the floor do I make cheeping sounds, or do I pull a Lucy Ricardo and walk like a chicken so she thinks l'm her mother? - Who is this? - What do you mean? It's Lorelai.
Who else would call you looking for her chick? You're right.
I'm the idiot.
Go on.
Could you come over here, please, and help me? Yeah, okay.
I'll be right over.
Okay, hurry.
Thank God.
Get in here.
This place is a disaster.
What's going on? Okay, the last sighting was here, by the InStyle magazine.
But then she burrowed through the Glamour, jumped over the Cosmo and knocked over a bottle of nail polish.
So if there was any doubt that this chick was a girl there isn't anymore.
- Okay, there she is.
- Jeez, what was that? - You really do have a chick loose in here.
- Yeah, I told you.
There she goes by the kitchen! - Don't step on her! - She cut right in front of me.
She's being graded, so don't squash her.
Tell her to watch where she's going.
Hello? I wasn't sure if you still wanted me to come over.
- I do, I absolutely do.
- Are you sure? Yeah, l'm totally and completely - You're teasing me.
- Yeah, a little.
But I did appreciate the enthusiasm.
- So how long until you get here? - Actually, not long at all.
- Why? Where are you? - Right outside.
- What the - Honey, you're home.
Say something.
Trick or treat? - What, you don't like it? - No, I do.
It's got a large circumference.
Thank you.
Now come on in.
It's cold outside.
Oh, my God.
Here, let me take your coat.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Interesting music.
- I'm glad you like it.
- So what's that? - Just some appetizers before dinner.
- Before dinner? - Yes.
- Are we going out? - No.
- Ordering pizza? - Nope.
- So - I made you dinner.
- Excuse me? - Steak, green beans, mashed potatoes - You made me dinner? - That's right.
- You made me dinner? - And dessert.
- Okay, what is going on here? - I'm sorry, I thought it was obvious.
It's Donna Reed night.
- I swear she went over there.
- We looked over there.
She went under that chair and didn't come out.
We moved the chair, we searched the floor.
Nothing.
- Then she went through a hole in the floor.
- There's no hole in the floor.
Maybe there was a hole, and she crawled through it and fixed it.
Then she's a super-intelligent chick with great physical and deductive skills.
This is not a chick I wanna find.
- Hey, Luke, what did you mean earlier? - What are you talking about? When you got here, you made some comment about me not really having a chick in the house.
I mean, if I didn't have a chick here, why did you think I was calling? No, I thought you were calling about the chick.
- It didn't seem like it.
- Maybe it didn't seem like it, but it was.
Was what? Was what I thought.
Can we just keep looking? Okay.
- I just still think - There she is.
- Where? - There.
Careful.
Well? - What can I say? - You can say it's perfect.
- It's perfect.
- Thank you.
How is it really? - It's perfect.
- Yeah? It's amazing.
I've never had anyone make dinner for me before.
Except my mom, and believe me, it's not the same.
I'm extremely glad to hear that.
Wait.
You wanna save room for dessert, right? That's right.
So, what's for dessert? Lime Fantasy Supreme.
Which is - Green Jell-O and Cool Whip.
- You are insane.
Oh, no.
I forgot to make the rolls.
- What? - I was gonna make rolls.
- That's okay.
- I can't believe I forgot them.
- What are you doing? - I'll make them now.
Hold on.
Come on.
We really don't need rolls.
Donna Reed would have never forgotten the rolls.
They're gonna make me turn in my pearls.
I promise l'll kick anyone's butt who comes near those pearls.
As really amazing as this whole thing was I mean, the music, the outfit, the dinner I hope you know that I don't expect you to be Donna Reed.
And I don't want you to be Donna Reed.
That's not what I meant.
This just totally got blown out of proportion.
I'm actually pretty happy with you.
I know and I appreciate that, but aside from this actually being fun I did a little research on Donna Reed.
- You did research on Donna Reed? - Look.
She did do the whole milk and cookies, wholesome, big-skirt thing.
But aside from that she was an uncredited producer and director on her television show which made her one of the first woman TV executives which is actually pretty impressive.
I'm glad this turned out to be such a positive experience for you.
It has been.
And though l'll probably never get the feeling back in my little toe - l'd do it again.
- Yeah? Someday.
But for now, I better get these dishes cleaned up.
I'll help.
Sorry, you're a man.
You can't help for another 15 years.
Okay, then as the man, I will do what the man is supposed to do.
- Go bowling? - Take out the trash.
She's never going anywhere ever again.
I think l'll put Superglue on the bottom of the cage.
That would be bad, right? I know staples are bad - but what's the verdict on Superglue? - Ask Stella.
You don't have to do that.
This stuff is sharp.
I wanna get it out of the way.
- Thanks for helping.
- No problem.
I'm gonna throw this stuff outside.
- What are you doing here? - What are you doing? - You first.
- I'm looking for a chick.
- Yeah, me, too.
- You are not.
Neither are you.
Hey, Luke, is there Lorelai, hi.
- Fancy meeting you here.
- Yeah.
The Jell-O's doing this weird melty thing and I Mom, Luke.
- Rory.
- Hi.
- What the hell are you two doing? - Nothing, she We ate dinner.
Steak and beans Canned, not fresh.
- And potatoes.
- From a box.
But they were still good.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What were you guys doing? I was in the house.
And the lamp sort of l'm gonna get going.
I'm sorry about the - Forget it.
- Okay, bye.
Yeah, l'd probably better go, too.
- Thanks for dinner.
- You're welcome.
What? Okay, you're 16, you have a whole house to yourself for the evening.
I expect you're gonna have your boyfriend over.
But what is with the apron? - It's a long story.
- Did it involve a sharp blow to the head? I gotta go check on Apricot.
- Oh, my God.
I just saw the pearls.
- I'm going in now.
I'm going inside, too, because I have to write down how l'm gonna torture you about that outfit.
- Good night.
- Could I get a picture though? Because visual aids would really help.
The shoes.
I'm dying.
- Mom, I can't find Apricot! - What? No.
She was on the couch when I came out, and now nowhere.
That's it! We are not animal people, period.
It was a tiny little favor.
- We have had this discussion before.
- You are being unreasonable.
- I have my standards.
- But this is a simple request.
You are asking me to compromise my artistic and culinary values.
- Michel wanted an egg-white omelet? - Yes.
- Crazy man.
- Why am I a crazy man? I had no time for breakfast today.
So I nicely asked her to make me an egg-white omelet with some tomatoes, mushroom, a little chives, and she gives me this.
- What is this? - A three-egg omelet with goat cheese, pancetta, cooked in a sherry olive oil.
I don't eat dairy or meat.
You know this.
I am a chef, Michel.
It is my job to make food that tastes good.
- And you do.
- But I can't eat like that and look like her.
- You don't know what you're missing.
- That'll kill you.
- You gotta go someday.
- Someday, this will catch up to you.
You'll become the balloon lady, and with the luck of God, I will be here to enjoy it.
- You make a good egg-white omelet.
- I know.
- Who wants to hear about my night? - Oh, me.
It started with Rory's baby chick getting loose in the house and ended with Rory and I up at 1:00 in the morning Iooking for Babbette's new kitten, who we found asleep in the piano.
- Wow, that's very Wild Kingdom of you.
- I'm the Marlin Perkins of Stars Hollow.
- You want some coffee? - Please.
- So, how's Rory's chick? - Better than my lemon lamp.
- What's wrong with your lemon lamp? - Luke killed it.
- On purpose? - I can't prove it, but I will.
What was Luke doing there? I called him when I got home and Stella wasn't there.
- Stella is the chick? - Yes.
- I like that name.
- Yeah, Streetcar Named Desire.
- Vivien Leigh or Jessica Tandy? - Hello! Tandy.
Of course, continue.
So I evaluated the situation in my usual calm, cool, collected manner and then I called Luke to help me track her down.
- That's when he broke the lamp? - He's not very graceful.
- He said the weirdest thing.
- 'May I break your lamp?' He got there and I was looking for Stella and he said, 'You really have a baby chick loose in the house.
' Like I made that up or I don't know.
- Well.
- Well what? You call someone and say, 'Can you come and help me look for my loose chick?' - It's a little - A little what? It sounds like a code for, 'l'm not wearing any underwear.
' That's not the code for, 'l'm not wearing any underwear.
' Sookie, you're not serious.
- Look, the first time Jackson and I - Yeah.
I called him up and told him I had a bat in my attic.
Honey, you do have a bat in your attic.
So he came over and we went in the attic and we both knew there was no bat, but we pretended to look for it.
Then when we couldn't find the bat we went downstairs and had a bottle of wine and So you're saying Luke thought I made up a crazy story about having some chick loose in the house just to get him in bed? Not to get him in bed.
Maybe he thought you wanted to see him - and didn't know how to say it.
- That's nuts.
A woman asking a man to come over late at night to her house.
Come on.
Yeah, but this is Luke we're talking about.
- Why did you call him? - Because I needed help.
- Why didn't you call me? - I assumed you'd be with Jackson.
- I did.
- Why didn't you call Rory? She'd have been furious to know Stella was lost.
Why didn't you call Patty? She raises chickens.
Or Andrew? He lives around the corner, doesn't he? - What is your point? - My point is that you called Luke.
Out of all the people you could have called that would have come and dropped what they were doing, you called Luke.
Because I had just been with him.
We were picking out paint samples.
He was on my mind.
It was purely a timing thing.
- Picking out paint samples? - Yes.
- For Luke's place? - Yes.
- So you could paint together? - Once again, yes.
Which, I believe, was your idea.
So now the fact that I suggested painting Luke's diner also means that I wanted to get him in bed.
Suddenly l'm trying to get any poor, unsuspecting person in bed with me.
I'm like Michael Douglas.
- Lorelai, this - I just Thanks for the omelet.
No, honey, l'm sorry.
Don't be mad at me.
- I'm not mad.
I'm tired.
- Okay.
You know, Luke is a really nice man.
Bye, Sookie.
- We thought the doorbell wasn't working.
- Come in.
We were ringing it and ringing it, and nobody I guess we'll just come in.
That'd be the same as what we were paying for our old place? Exactly the same.
- Except for the grounds fees.
- The grounds fee is higher.
- But the grounds are larger.
- I'm just trying to get all the information.
All the information is that this is our last chance to go to Martha's Vineyard for the season.
I realize the position we are in, but this is a business transaction.
For heaven's sake.
As a business transaction one in which money goes out and we receive goods and services And he's patronizing me.
How lovely.
I must treat this conversation with the same care and devotion to detail I would any conversation that would be considered a business transaction.
Kindly allow me to do so.
- Richard, Emily, please.
- Goodness, you startled me.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to say l'm sure we could negotiate the grounds fee.
That'll be fine.
Good.
I'll get into this right now and get back to you.
- Thank you, John.
- Yes, we'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Careful, Richard.
That canary you ate is going to spoil your dinner.
What's going on? Your mom and I secured a place on Martha's Vineyard.
- That's great! - I thought you lost your old place.
We did, but this afternoon we found out that Arthur Roundtree had died.
He'd been drinking.
So we got on the phone and snatched that place up.
- It's a fine piece of property.
- Much better view than our usual place.
Both of you are going to hell.
I hope you know that.
At least we'll be well-rested.
Touche.
- I am so thrilled about this.
- I'm glad.
The two of you must come up for the weekend.
It is so lovely.
- Rory would just love it.
- Can we go for a weekend? We'll see how much Valium Aunty Sookie can lend me.
The only drawback is that we had to rent the place furnished and Arthur had dreadful taste.
Remember the library, Richard? Pink and green.
It was just horrible.
- He's dead now, so he got his.
- Lorelai, you're being morbid.
- I'm being morbid? - New subject, please.
Joan and Melissa Rivers here think l'm being morbid.
- Rory, what's new in your life? - Nothing.
Just school, homework.
- Aprons.
- Do not go there.
- What does she mean? - Nothing, I was just teasing her.
- About aprons? - Yeah.
- I don't understand.
- It's not important.
Then humor me.
Nothing.
Rory dressed up in a cute apron the other day.
I was teasing her about it.
Why did you get dressed up in an apron? We've decided to give up on that pesky Harvard dream and focus on something more realistic.
Mom, Dad, Rory's decided to become a maid, just like I was.
Is that funny? Did she think it was funny? - What made you say such a thing? - And in front of Rory? - I was kidding.
- God, my heart stopped.
Why don't you tell them about your bird? That's a safe subject.
- Your bird? - Yeah, it's for school.
Each of us has to follow a chick through its growth process.
Everything must be logged.
Eating and sleeping habits.
Houdini habits.
- She got out.
- She ran far.
- But she lived.
- She's a better bird for it.
- Thank God Luke found her.
- Luke found her? - What? - Rory said Luke found her.
Getting me back for the apron thing? - Did the bird get loose in Luke's diner? - No, the bird got loose at home.
- Your home? - Yes.
- So, Grandpa, when's your next trip? - Madrid, the twelfth.
There's a nice edition of Cervantes in it for you.
Gracias.
- What was Luke doing at your house? - Look, there's no ice.
I'll get some.
- I asked you a question.
- He was helping me find the bird, Mom.
- Really? - Yes, really.
And how did he know the bird was missing? Was he strolling by your house and he heard your plaintive cries for help? Or the helpless cheep of a chick in trouble? I called him, Mom, okay? I called him and asked him to come over and help me find the bird, okay? This man is always around when you're in trouble.
- He's a good friend.
- Please.
- Do we have to discuss this? - I'm getting a little tired of being lied to.
Apparently we do.
This man was at Rory's birthday party.
He came to the hospital with you.
He's the male lead in every story you tell.
You go to the diner every single day.
I've seen how he looks at you, the way you look at him.
I'm not a fool.
Mom, please.
Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue as to what is going on in your life? Now l'm asking you, as a favor if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me.
Do you have feelings for this man? I don't know.
Maybe I do.
I haven't given it that much thought.
Maybe I do.
Thank you.
I'm glad you were finally honest with me.
Now we can discuss what on earth you could possibly be thinking.
Don't forget the ice.
So you're sure we need this many cans? Yeah, you need enough for two coats, touchups and little spots.
No, l'm not sure.
We got the paint, the brushes the tarps, and all the other stuff the paint guy said we'd need.
- So I guess we're ready.
- Yes, we are.
The only thing left to do is figure out when.
- How about Friday? - Friday? You don't want this lying around.
I don't know if paint goes bad.
But judging by the smell when it's fresh, rotten paint would be gross.
Don't you meet your folks on Friday? Yeah, but I can get out early for a special occasion.
- Friday it is.
- Good.
- Hey.
- Hey, you.
- Jeez, you think you got enough paint? - I know, I tried to tell him.
- So dinner.
Thoughts? - Let's have some.
- How about Chinese? - Sounds good.
I need to stop at the market and get fruit.
- Why? - I think l'm getting scurvy.
- Really? - Yeah.
That or a cold.
But, either way, I need some fruit.
- Damn motorcycles.
They're a scourge.
- Yeah.
They're loud.
They're dangerous.
We should ban them from town.
Maybe we should set up barricades and ban all unwelcome strangers from crossing the border.
No, we couldn't do that.
That would be illegal.
- Darn laws.
- Gotta get away from that noise.
- Kill me and bury me with that bike.
- What is it, a Harley? That is a 2000 Indian 80 horsepower five-speed, close-ratio Andrews transmission.
I wanna get one.
- No.
- Why not? - You'd die.
- Oh, that.
- Hi.
- Nice shirt.
Take it off.
Dad! - This is great! What are you doing here? - I'm here to see you.
And your mom, who's not saying anything about as loud as a person can.
- Hello.
- A word.
Perhaps there's a phrase in my future.
Okay, why is that man staring at me? That's Taylor Doose.
He owns the market.
He knows all and sees all.
So, what's with the just showing up, Mr.
Spontaneity Guy? My folks are in Connecticut, so l'm here to see them.
On the way I thought l'd stop by and surprise the Gilmore girls.
Are you surprised? The teeniest feather could knock me in the gutter.
Where would somebody find a place to stay here? - You're staying? - I'm thinking about it.
- Stay with us.
- Sweetie.
I don't think your mom wants No, it's not that.
It's just that l'm still surprised.
Mom, please? Why not stay with us for a couple of days? Thanks.
You won't even know l'm there.
- Hey, hop on.
- Hop off.
- Hop on.
- Hop off.
Hop on.