Grandfathered (2015) s01e14 Episode Script

1 Hey.
Thank you guys for coming.
Thanks.
Hi.
I'm Jimmy.
Hi.
I'm hanging out No, I'm hanging out with Tony Danza, Bruce Springsteen, - No.
- and somebody walks by and goes, "Hey, Boss.
" I go, "Yep?" Oh, this place is great.
- You like it? - Yeah.
Is there a bedroom? I don't know.
Want to explore? Mm-hmm.
I'm having so much fun with you.
I'm having fun with you.
- But I'm just curious, - Mm-hmm.
where do you see this going? Where do I see this going? - Stay in touch.
- Yeah.
And, uh, I hope they find your brother.
Hi.
I'm Jimmy.
Hey, Jimmy.
All right, everybody, I have some important announcements to make.
I broke it off with the redhead.
I know you were all fond of her, so don't be too sad.
- Who? - Which redhead? What happened to the brunette? Also, I'm closing the restaurant tomorrow to get new upholstery Oh good, I hated the upholstery.
Let me finish and the new upholstery is the same as the old upholstery.
Let me finish.
I hated the upholstery 'cause it's opposite day.
I love it.
Since we got the night off, we should all go out and do something tonight.
Who's in? Yeah, I'm in.
Cool.
Dad? Pshh.
You think he wants to hang out with us lowlives? My man's got a phoneful of honeys just waiting to date him.
Well, he's not wrong.
And they're not honeys, they're women.
And one of them could be the next Mrs.
Jimmy Martino.
See what we got.
- Ooh, text "Bookstore Girl.
" - All right.
No, no, uh, "Girl in Front of Door comma Tall.
" - Okay.
- No, no, Poor Man's Halle Berry.
- Yes, Victor, yes, yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Why pick one? Why don't we cast a wide net? And I've got the perfect bait.
- Watch this.
- Yeah.
Oh.
A response already? Reel it in, boss.
Reel it in.
No, no, this is Priya.
Yikes, I thought you blocked her number.
She's obsessed with me.
I never went out with the girl but she sends me a video every day.
Hey, Jimmers, I told my boss I was going to the bathroom, but really I was just sneaking away so I could send you this.
But I am gonna pee after, 'cause I do have to go and I'm not allowed to take too many breaks.
Bye.
Who was recording that video? - I was wondering the same thing.
- Ooh.
Get back to work.
Caprese salad.
How's your meal? My spaghetti only has one meatball.
Can I have a discount? Well, dinner's on the house tonight and you only have one meatball because you gave your other meatball to your daughter.
Nummy.
Way to tank it, Edie.
Ooh, I'd like another glass of the Montepulciano.
- Got it.
- Or a more full-bodied red, - if you have it.
- Got it.
Done? That's all.
Got it.
Whoa.
No joke, you order like Beyoncé.
Hey, you're single and classy.
You want to come with me to this new chic bar on Melrose tomorrow? I'm trying to step up my classy game.
You know, books, that kind of thing.
Are you talking about Bar Marseillaise? I've been dying to go there.
Also, I've been dying to go anywhere.
The last time I had a real night off, I had a date with a man.
Well, a girls' night sounds like fun.
It's been a long time since I've rocked the Casbah.
We can tell.
Well, Jimmy, unlike you, I don't need to go out every night and seek validation from the opposite sex.
That's not true.
No, it's not an insult, it's a fact.
You're addicted to female validation.
Everything about you is aimed at getting it.
- Like what? - Your car, your clothes, the way you only approach women from the right because that's your good side.
That one French poem you memorized.
"Chanson d'après-midi" is a classic that everyone should know.
Ooh, fancy.
Right.
Then, of course, once you get the validation that you're after, you bail before it gets too serious, and then you're on to the next girl.
That's not true.
True.
There's a pretty woman behind you that keeps looking over here.
I wonder what her deal is.
I'm not falling for that.
Look at those legs.
All right, I am going to look because I don't want to be rude in case you're not tricking me, which I knew the whole time you were tricking me.
You turned with your right side.
Yup.
Uh, Edie, just stay out of this.
Do I enjoy the company of women? Yes.
Do they enjoy the company of me? - I don't know, I don't know.
- You know.
But that doesn't mean I seek validation or that I that I have some sort of addiction.
I'm going out tomorrow night to a place that I can pretty much guarantee is women-free.
Guys, uh, count me in for whatever stupid thing you're doing tomorrow night.
We're actually still deciding.
It's between a Korean spa, and a museum of curiosities.
- If we shoot the moon, we can do both.
- Spa.
Damn it.
See, a beautiful woman just walked by, and I didn't even notice her.
Isn't this place perfect? Yeah, I Googled "rich people, bar, Downton Abbey" so we can class things up.
Oh, good evening, "gar-kon.
" One wine cooler, please.
We don't have those here.
Oh, out of stock.
I see.
Then I'll simply purchase a white wine.
- What varietal? - Grape.
Okay.
I am not seeing a lot of talent out tonight.
It's never a good sign when you can beat up every guy in the bar.
I thought that was your type.
They all look like your ex.
Well, uh, Bruce was nice, but he didn't really Make you horny.
Got it.
Oh, sorry I'm late.
Jimmy made me go buy him a new spa robe.
Anyway, let's get some food.
- What do you guys want? - Okay.
What am I gonna get? Don't say hot dogs I had three for lunch.
Ooh, never had this.
Brick oven-roasted artichoke sounds fancy.
Yeah, get that.
I'm gonna have the, uh God.
Sorry.
Hello, Jimmy.
Yes, Koreatown is safe now.
The riots ended 24 years ago.
Can I get some sugar for this? Sugar? Just get her some sugar.
This is awesome.
Wait a minute, I thought you said we were going to a spa.
the cheapest Korean spa in all of L.
A.
All you can eat, drink and schvitz for ten bucks.
Great, just what I wanted to do tonight, sweat into a bowl of "bimbimbap.
" Mm, yeah, I'm going to "bimbimbap" my face off.
Uh, and fill up on rice? First time at a bargain Korean spa? Please.
All right, you're talking to the guy that brought an extra Tupperware just to fill up with the complimentary lotion.
Oh, were you just gonna use the free lotion while you're here? Are you implying that you can get more bang for your buck at this spa than I can, bro? I'm not implying it.
I'm straight-up saying it.
Oh, it is on.
Bring it.
Psyched for the sauna, Dad? Oh, this is perfect.
It's got everything I'd want.
Dirty towels, fungus all my employees' penises.
Ew.
- Come on, let's go! No more phone! - Bro time! Come sauna with us.
The sauna is up.
Let's go, Grandpa.
Sauna is up.
- The sauna, the sauna.
- All right, all right.
Now I finally understand why jocks beat up nerds.
Yay! Yeah! Let's get some Joes, serve our potential.
Yup, been a Red Sox fan ever since I went to HBS.
Get the hell out of here! I went to Hank's Bartending School, too! Did you hear they got robbed? I meant Harvard Business School.
- Oh.
- Here you go.
Ah Looks yummy.
I'll just I'm gonna let it cool.
Yeah.
Hot.
Steam.
No, seriously, this tour was unbelievable.
They said we'd be lucky to see one whale.
We saw two whales.
Wow.
That story really lives up to the hype.
Thanks.
I have to say, I was hoping you'd talk to me.
I was figuring out if you were gay.
This is my boss.
Don't go anywhere.
Hey.
I got something going with this Harvard guy Mm-hmm.
but how the freak do you eat a artichoke? What? Uh, just peel back the leaves and scrape off the stuff at the end with your teeth.
The best part is the heart in the center.
Got it.
Wait, it has a heart? I don't know how much more of this place I can take.
I've spoken to three different accountants about whale watching.
Ugh.
Oh.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
Pardon my reach.
Hi, I'm Luke.
- Oh.
Sara.
- Nice to meet you.
- Ever been on a whale watch? - No.
Good.
Buy me a drink.
Love to.
Bartender.
Gerald, if I respond to a flirty text, that doesn't mean I'm addicted to female attention, does it? No, not by itself, but, you know, if you take into account your years of womanizing, then yeah.
Victor I'm-I'm just trying to find true love.
Why is that so controversial? I guess because if a man of your stature wanted to find true love, he'd have found it by now.
Whew! Round three, baby.
There's at least ten dollars of free kimchi right here.
No, no, no, no.
What about all this, huh? What about all this? 50 bucks worth of soju, $12 worth of baked eggs.
- They cook 'em right in the sauna.
- Guys, you better go a little easy on this food.
It's looking a little wet.
The buffet table gets a little splash from the shower.
That's a meal and a beverage all in one.
- Yep.
- Ugh.
Come on, Dad, treat yourself.
A little egg action.
- Uh-uh.
- Why not? I thought this was an all-male spa.
Boy, she cuts right to the chase, doesn't she? I wonder what her story is.
From the looks of it, she washes the towels and then folds them.
Fascinating.
Would you like to try our artichoke? Oh.
Yeah.
I love 'em.
Those are the discarded pieces.
Have a nice night.
Chipped my tooth Fishbone concert.
I broke my arm at a Better Than Ezra concert.
Cooler injury.
Lamer band.
Right.
It's really nice to talk to you.
I have to be honest, I haven't been out in a while.
Oof.
I totally get it.
I'm so bad at this stuff.
No.
You're doing pretty good.
How am I doing? You are doing okay.
I don't want to kill the mood, but I really hate my ears.
Could you Yep.
Thank you.
I got to say, I kind of miss the ear.
All right, you can put it back.
Yeah! Scored some of these sick water shoes someone left in the shower.
These babies are worth at least 20 bucks.
What's up? Please.
I just got a free full-body massage from Magic Fingers over there.
Yeah, I don't think Magic Fingers works here.
But he was so thorough.
Oh.
Allow me.
There we go.
Here it is.
They don't teach me how to fold towels at the restaurant I own.
I own a restaurant.
You have such a great sense of humor.
What's your name? Uh, towel? Tuh-owry? Uh, towel? Oh, you don't speak English.
You were just laughing at my comedic rhythms.
That's I get that a lot.
Let me text my assistant Annelise.
Oh, shoot.
Ugh.
Sorry this keeps happening.
Crap.
Yes.
Big Sur is amazing.
I get up there whenever I can.
Well, the next time you ride up there on your motorcycle, if you want someone to split the gas money with Oh.
Um, I'm sorry.
I must have given you the wrong impression.
- I'm actually married.
- What? Yeah, my wife and I have this agreement where we can go out and flirt as much as we want, just as long as it doesn't lead to anything physical, you know? We call it Catch and Release.
My wife's pretty cool.
What?! What?! That's all an artichoke is? This is not worth it.
Oh, this heart thing better be good.
Okay.
Okay.
Hangshin lee? What did you say? I can't understand you.
Are you so obsessed with female validation that you are flirting with someone who doesn't even speak your language? It doesn't matter that she doesn't speak my language.
She speaks me.
Chun Hold on.
Can you say it, please, to her? Thank you.
What is it? Okay, I translated it.
It means, "I have a husband.
" I see.
Could've fooled me, you flirt.
And I have a life.
Bye, Jimmy.
Mmm Mmm Mm-hmm.
Nope.
Hey, it's Jimmy.
Yeah, it turns out I can go to the play now.
Any chance it starts at 11:00 p.
m.
and is near Koreatown? Hey, it's Jimmy.
You still want to get dinner? No? Good night.
Hey, well, now that you're up, you want to go to dinner? No? Hello? Hey, any chance you're free tonight? You can get free? Perfect.
Oh, uh, this isn't our bill.
We-we paid the ten dollars on the way in.
Oh, this is for your alcohol and food.
You eat like a giant monster.
Wait.
Isn't it all you can eat and drink? New owner.
The old owner went bankrupt.
That whole all-you-can-eat thing was a really bad business model.
Thanks.
But - I can't afford that.
- No! Wh why did you make me eat all those eggs? - I hate eggs.
- I hate kimchi.
I don't even like competing! I just like value! Come on, you egg eaters, let's wrap this up.
We're gonna go meet some girls at a karaoke bar.
Come on! It just keeps getting worse.
- How much does that cost? - Mm.
Hey, there she is.
Jimmers! - Priya? - Oh.
I knew that bathroom video would get you, you perv! You guys remember Priya, right? - Hey.
- Hi.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, losers.
- You want to go sing? - Sure.
- Okay, come on.
- Come on, let's sing.
Uh, this is a Korean song that describes how I'm feeling right now.
It's called "The Penniless Beggar of Gwangju.
" I can't believe you texted me, stalker.
Yeah, I stalked you.
Priya, how long are we staying here? These guys suck.
Oh, my God, get over yourself, Tory.
Right before you texted, these guys invited us to a secret Rihanna show.
but I said we can do that any time.
Anyway, how was London, England? I can't believe you've been living there this whole time.
Priya, Priya Aah! Isn't she a little bit of terrific? Seriously, Priya? You even need validation from her? You've literally hit rock bottom.
I know you think I have some sort of addiction towards women, but that's not what this is about.
I mean, when I met her I sort of dismissed her too quickly.
That is immature.
What I'm doing now shows growth.
It's not all about you, Tory.
Ow.
Sweetie, let's sing something together later.
Something classic.
Do you like here Wiz Khalifa? Well, I Ow! Ow, ow, ow.
And they can flirt as long as it doesn't lead to anything? What's crazy is a guy who sells a dime of pot is behind bars while this nutjob roams free.
You don't do time for a dime.
But I know what you're talking about.
What a jerk.
Want to know how to get back at him? help me find this blonde.
Hey.
Just because you're unhappy with your sexless marriage doesn't mean you can flaunt your chiseled chin and get my friend all horned up.
Yeah.
I'm all horned up.
Whoa, hey, come on.
It was just harmless flirting.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
I showed you my ear.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And artichokes are dumb.
Sure, the heart is delicious, but the leaves are a bitch, so - Yeah.
- And another thing has anyone seen a tall, blonde lesbian, blue top Hello? Yes, Jimmy.
- We should get out of here.
- Yup.
You look terrible.
I feel terrible, too.
I think it was those sauna eggs I ate three of them.
Oh, God, we just spent so much money on food poisoning.
Wait the spa gave us food poisoning.
Now we can get our money back.
You want to go puke and call 'em? - Oh, best night ever.
- Yes! BT-dub, thank you for saving my night.
I've been out with just girls for, like, three hours, and it's like, what's even the point? But you can still have fun with your girlfriends, right? It's not like you need male validation.
I didn't get a boob job for my girlfriends, Jimmy.
I don't squeeze myself into this for my girlfriends.
I don't wear this much makeup for my girlfriends.
Actually, can we switch sides? Because this is my good side.
Oh, my God.
What, you don't think it is? No Priya, this isn't gonna work out.
It it's not you, it's just - London? - Yeah.
- But why When are you going back? - Now.
Jimmy, uh, our timing is so off.
I feel like one day we're gonna see each other in Belgium, - and you're gonna be like, "Priya?" - Yeah.
And I'm gonna be like, "Jimmy?" Only I'm gonna have a baby then.
I just hit rock-bottom.
This is nice.
No guys to play their sick head games with us.
And I know how to eat everything here.
And you know what else? No more Jimmy for tonight.
Off.
I need something to drink and something to punch.
You know, they're going to redo the upholstery.
- Really? - Mmm.
Oh, I'm going in.
Oh, no, I got my own.
Let's go.
Stop.
Calling.
Me.
Take that Why don't you come in at 6:00 a.
m.
in the morning? - Always calling - Motorcycles Rough night, angels? Damn it, you're everywhere.
I just came here for a little peace and quiet.
Oh, and actually that's the new upholstery.
Uh, they finished early; I tried to text you, but Okay.
Oh, I'm hungry tonight Thank you so much for understanding, Mr.
Kim.
No, you have a good night.
So we getting our money back? No, but he said we can come back and sweat out the food poisoning anytime.
For free? Half off.
Best night ever.
- They're not watching.
- Mmm.
They're not watching.
- They're not wa - Mmm, you're so pretty.
Ew, they're not Ew! Oh, my God, they're not even watching.
We're not watching.
Not watching.
Do it again.
- Okay, here we go.
- All right.
Come on, come on.
Check it out.
We fixed the booth.
You can barely even tell.
You can sort of tell.
You can take it out of my paycheck.
Eh, you work hard.
You earn the right to destroy a booth once in a while.
Hey, I helped fix it too! What do I get? He really used the term "catch and release"? - What a tool.
- Yeah.
- What are we making? - Whatever.
Only food I've been around tonight is shower kimchi.
Ugh.
Sorry you had a crappy night.
Makes you feel any better, you were right about me.
I love women too much.
Or maybe you rely on woman after woman to make you feel special because deep down you're afraid you aren't.
Or I want to find the right woman, and I don't care how long it takes.
Or you're using that as an excuse.
You're not looking for the right woman.
That level of intimacy means that you could get hurt.
Or Can't think of any more.
Jimmy, you've been running around like this for 25 years.
What's your endgame, man? Says the 46-year-old woman who's still attracted to bad boys.
- Ugh.
- What's your endgame, man? Yeah, well, that's always been my weakness.
It's how you got lucky 25 years ago.
It's how I got lucky? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ugh, I guess at some point we're gonna need to grow up.
Too hard.
Hey, I know, why don't we have a backup plan? - Okay, shoot.
- Let's do one of those pacts where we say that if we're not married by the time we're 60 Let's make it 65 to be safe.
Okay, if we're not married by 70, then we'll get married.
Yeah, okay.
Why not? Sara Kingsley if you're not dead or married by seventy - Oh.
- will you marry me? Yes.
A thousand times yes.
Maybe we should say at 75, just in case.
You think? Why don't we, why don't we just make it 80? 80! Yes! Women in my family tend to die in their 60s, so 85 it is.
Very good.