Hannah Montana s01e14 Episode Script

I can't believe we're gonna have an actual TV star in our homeroom.
Come on, Lilly, give the guy some space.
I'm sure the whole reason he's coming to school here in the first place is so he can be treated like a normal kid.
But he's not a normal kid.
He's Jake Ryan! The dreamy zombie slayer on Zombie High.
I never miss that show! This is so awesome.
I'm going to be this close to a famous person.
What am I, a grilled cheese sandwich? When you're Miley, you might as well be.
- He's coming! He's coming! - He's coming! He's coming! Guys, guys, just calm down.
Even though Jake's a big TV star, here he's just another student who totally destroys zombies! Dude, you rock! Hey, thanks, man, but if it's okay, I'd like to say something to the class before we start.
Of course.
- This is so cool! - I know! Now look, I know my coming here may be a distraction since I am, well, you know, a superstar, and T'ween magazine's Hottie of the Year.
- I framed the cover! - Me, too.
- I hung it in my bathroom! - Me, too.
Oh, my gosh, we have so much in common! We both love you! Excuse me, superstar, Hottie of the Year, your point? My point is, is that even though I am all of those things, I want each and every one of you to think of me as someone just like you.
Really? Well, try, okay? - Say your line, just once, please! Yeah, say it.
Say it! Oh, come on! Say it! Dude, I slayed you once.
Don't make me slay you again.
I can't believe how cool he is! I can't believe how cool he thinks he is.
Hi, I'm This Week In Hollywood's Bree Yang Shixian Takahashi Samuels.
We're doing a story on Jake Ryan's return to a normal life.
Do you mind if we get a few shots? Not at all.
How's my hair? Doesn't matter.
Now, we want everything to look totally normal.
So I'll need makeup on Jake and some prettier-looking people around him.
Tell me again why you don't want people to know - you're Hannah Montana.
- Because they'd treat me like that.
Oh, yeah, it's much nicer over here with Dandruff Danny.
Come on! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Excuse me.
Coming through.
Jake! Jake! Actual student, trying to learn.
This is ridiculous.
He's a TV star.
Big whoop! I'm starting to think somebody's jealous.
No, I'm not.
And stop singing.
I don't care that everyone's falling all over him.
I care that he's milking it.
He's not milking it.
You're the one who said he only came here so he could be a normal kid.
And that's when I said, "No, Mr.
President, you rock.
" Oh, yeah.
You can really tell he hates all this attention.
Let's get some shots down there, Jake.
All right.
Hey, s'up? Whoa! He asked me, "S'up?" - Miley? A little help here! Hey, Jackson, this paint job is sweet.
Hey, can I try that? Sure, just, uh, make sure you get a good grip.
- That thing's got a little bit of a - Oh! kick.
Wow! Dad, for me? You shouldn't have! I didn't.
My lease was up and I figured, "What the heck?" So, what do you think? I think it makes Jackson's car look like a piece of pie.
Yummy, yummy pie.
- Not so fast, slick.
- I just want to sit in it.
Let me make this simple.
I don't want you touching this car.
I don't want you breathing on this car.
I don't want you looking at this car for more than ten seconds without express written consent of major league baseball.
Dude, he so owns you.
Whoa! Uh, excuse me, Mr.
Vernon? Something wrong with my locker? No, no.
I just thought Jakey needed more room.
What? And that's when I said, "No, Mr.
Trump.
You're fired!" Hey, do you think one of you guys can save me a seat in the cafeteria? - I'll do it! - I can! Thank you.
- Oh, Tony! - Jakey! I just asked if you could get the squeak out of the door.
This is above and beyond.
Give me some love.
- You da man.
- No, you da man.
- Oh, no, you da man.
- No, you da man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, great.
Who da man that knows where my locker is? - Oh, wow.
Was this your - Yes, it's my locker.
- Don't sweat it, Milly.
- Miley.
Like it matters.
Here's your stuff.
Come with me.
You're down by the boiler room.
Locker one.
- What's this? - Cheese.
While you're down there, reset the traps.
Now while you're taking the test, I expect complete silence.
What was that? I had a Hannah thing last night, and I overslept and missed breakfast.
Okay, normally I'd be polite and ignore that, but ow! If that's the thunder, I don't want to be around for the lightning.
Trust me.
Been there, smelled that, don't want to go back.
Stewart, you know the rules.
Oh, I hope you have enough there for everybody.
Only if they take really, really small bites.
I'm the only one that gets to do sarcasm around here.
Give it.
Thank you.
You guys got to stop sneaking food into class.
I'm already wearing my fat jeans.
- Hi, Jake.
- I was gonna say that! S'up, Jake? S'up? - Lilly, you dropped something.
- What? Your dignity.
Sorry I'm late, Mr.
Corelli.
I had a premiere to go to last night and overslept.
Oh, and let me tell you, Natalie Portman, Britney Spears and Jake Gyllenhaal, name-droppers.
Tell me about it.
Keep smiling, and go.
Thanks, Pat.
Sorry, I didn't have time for breakfast.
Can't have that.
It's the most important meal of the day.
Enjoy.
But I didn't and he gets to Okay, I've heard enough out of you.
Ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen Start your pencils.
On your marks.
Get set.
Test! Hey, Miley, can I borrow a pencil? I don't have one, and stop talking.
You're gonna get us both in trouble.
Oh.
Here, I have one, take mine.
Thanks.
Real smart.
Now, how are you going to finish your test? Oh, right.
Do you have a pencil? - Weren't you listening? I don't - Ladies! What's with the chitty-chatty bang-bang? - Jake started it.
- She's right.
It's my fault.
Jake, no, please.
No need to be heroic.
You do enough of that on the TV.
If he were really heroic, he would've brought a pencil! None of us knows how hard it is to be a celebrity.
Well, I do.
I mean, I do imagine.
You know what I do imagine? You and your back talk and your gurgling intestines in the principal's office.
Stop.
I can't let this happen.
Leave the girl.
I'm the one you want.
If you've got the guts.
I did that in the season three finale.
Nominated for an Emmy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- No.
Stop.
But this isn't about me.
Here, Miley, take this.
It might help.
An autographed picture of you? Yeah, the principal's been riding me for one.
Maybe it'll soften him up.
Look at him.
He never stops giving! "Don't let the zombies get you down.
"Your favorite zombie slayer, " Jake fatheaded Ryan!" Ooh, looks like somebody's not happy with their new celebrity classmate.
You're darn right! Ever since he's gotten here, he's just been obnoxious.
He gets everything he wants just because he's famous.
Well, he's not the only star at this school and I think it's about time that she starts getting some of the perks.
Another star? Really? Who? Me.
I'm Hannah Montana.
Yeah, and I'm J-Lo Mein.
No, really, I am Hannah Montana! Come to this address after school and I'll prove it to you.
Are you out of your Hannah head? You can't tell Bree Yang Shixian Takahashi Samuels this! It's like Clark Kent ripping off his clothes and showing everyone his blue tights at the Daily Planet Christmas party! I mean, why should I keep it a secret? If I told, then I wouldn't have a locker in the basement, I wouldn't get sent to the principal's office and I could eat breakfast in class until I puke.
Which Tony the janitor would happily clean up! Hey, Miley.
It's me, Jake.
I'm in disguise.
As what, an egomaniac TV star in a hat? You're lucky.
If my ego wasn't so big, that would've hurt.
Look, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.
Sure.
Sorry, Lilly, I meant Miley.
No problem.
He knows my name! Let me guess.
You need me to move 'cause I'm in your favorite tan spot, right? Actually, I was just coming over to apologize for everything.
I'm really not a bad guy, and I hope I get the chance to show you that.
Why do you care what I think? Well, to be honest, you're the only one at school who hasn't been falling all over me, and I kind of like that.
- Plus, you're cute.
- Really? You think I'm cute? Not that I care.
Dude, you're Jake Ryan! Yeah, I guess my disguise didn't work.
- Wow, shocker.
- Come on, do the line! Do the line! - I would, but I'm kind of - Do the line! Dude, I slayed you once.
Don't make me slay you again.
Yeah, you're better on TV.
Miley, wait up.
Look, I'm sorry, it's just Well, most of the time this whole star thing is cool, but sometimes I wish I could turn it off.
- You know, just be a normal kid.
- Really? You do? Oh, my gosh! It's Jake Ryan! Jake.
I love you! I guess I'll see you at school.
You know, after you talk to that reporter, it's going to be like that when people spot Miley.
Okay, guys, it's a bathroom.
I kind of need to do this alone.
- Are you sure you're ready for that? - No.
Lilly, I think talking to that reporter was the biggest mistake of my life.
On the upside, he thinks I'm cute.
Not that I care.
- Start! - Sounds like a dead battery, son.
It can't be.
I have to pick up Jennifer for the Coldplay concert.
Turn over, you piece of junk! No, no, no.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, baby.
Son, you can apologize all you want, but without a new battery, you'd have an easier time turning over Uncle Earl in his waterbed.
Hey, Dad, do you think maybe I could Oh, no! Come on, you were sixteen once.
Don't you remember? I sure do, which kicks that "no" up to a "heck, no"! Please? I promise to be a perfect gentleman.
I'll bring her back on time.
I won't make her go any faster than the legal limit.
Do you give that same speech to Jennifer's father? No, but do you think that'd work? It ain't working on me.
Please, Dad.
I mean, have a heart.
Okay, son, here you go.
Come on, Dad.
You said I could go.
It was harder than I thought.
Oh, I almost forgot.
My sculpting spray.
You never know when you're gonna wanna lock it in.
Ooh.
Funny story.
I took my son's car in to get a new battery and Well, long story short, it needs a new door.
Three days? It only took the garbage truck two seconds to rip it off.
Gotta go! So, son, what you doing home so soon? Coldplay catch a cold? Get it? Coldplay? - Come on, let's go in the house.
- No, wait, Dad.
I have to tell you something about the car.
Oh, your car's fine.
Got a new battery for it.
My gift to you.
Now, come on, let's go on in the house and we'll wrestle like we used to.
It's not my car.
Yours.
- Something happened.
- What? When I was going to pick up Jennifer, very carefully, her dad brought out the Rottweiler to make sure that the dog had my scent.
And one of the spikes on his collar kind of Well, look for yourself.
Dang flabbit! Jackson Rod Stewart! This is just a part of life.
The important thing is no one was hurt.
Wait, that's it? That's all you're going to say? It wasn't your fault.
Sometimes things happen and it's nobody's fault.
So let's go on in the house and I'll bake some brownies - and let you lick the spoon.
- Ooh.
Wrestling and brownies? Who died? You mean a father can't even bake for his son and put him in a half nelson - without something being wrong? - You're right.
I'm acting like you, being all suspicious of me.
Oh, just let me put away my sculpting spray.
No! My door! Where's my door? Okay, I know it looks bad, but it wasn't my fault.
So, you want nuts with those brownies and some of the little sprinkly things? Dang flabbit! Robbie Ray Stewart! It was a secret.
A really good secret that kept my whole life perfect.
And now it's just gone because I wanted pancakes in class.
I just wish you had thought of that before you invited that reporter over.
Me, too! I made a mistake.
I'm a teenager.
We act without thinking and we get zits.
It's what we do.
So, any idea how you're gonna get yourself out of this one? Daddy, that's your job.
You're a dad.
That's what you do.
How are you gonna help me if you can't even keep up? Well, we don't have long until the reporter gets here, but I do have a little bit of an idea.
Let me just get these brownies out to Jackson before his masseuse gets here.
- What masseuse? - Don't ask.
Hi.
I'm This Week In Hollywood's Bree Yang Shixian Takahashi Samuels.
I'm looking for Hannah Montana.
Sweet niblets, that girl's done it again.
Done what? My daughter has a little bit of an overactive imagination.
She likes to pretend she's celebrities.
Last week, she was the Olsen twins.
Both of them.
You talk about a Full House.
Whoo! Anyhow, sorry if she caused you any trouble.
Not so fast.
I've been doing a little research, and the buzz is that Hannah Montana lives somewhere in this neighborhood.
Well, not in this house.
Be sure to grab yourself a sprig of that rosemary out of the garden on the way out.
It's delicious on fish.
- Bye-bye now.
It's okay, Daddy.
We don't need to pretend anymore.
I think it's time that the world knew the truth.
I'm Hannah Montana.
I'm ready for my close-up! Really? The closer I get, the more you look like a bad Hannah impersonator.
Oh, yeah? Could a Hannah impersonator do this? This is the life, hold on tight Oh, yeah! And this is the dream, it's all I need Oh, yeah, you never know where you La-la-la-la Oh, yeah! My name's not really Miley Oh, yeah! I'm Hannah Montana, believe me Ooh! Wow.
I know.
So where should we do the interview? On the couch? Oh, uh Who's at the door? Is it my extra cheesy pizza? Get out of here, Elvis.
I'm trying to do an interview.
My brother thinks he's Elvis.
Hey, there, pretty mama.
You wanna interview the King? Actually, I think I've got everything I need.
Thank you, Hannah.
Elvis.
I haven't officially introduced myself.
I'm Billy Ray Cyrus! Okay, that's it, we're out of here! Go, go, go.
Y'all come back now, ya hear? It looks like you lucked out this time, bud.
But be careful.
Next time you ring that Hannah bell, you might not be able to unring it.
Don't worry, Daddy, if I ever really do decide to tell the world I'm Hannah, I'll be extra sure it's what I want to do.
Yeah, well, if you do decide to do that, me and your brother's gonna be standing there with you.
Yep.
In the meantime, I'll be in the hot tub waiting for my daddy to bring me a chicken fried steak.
- There is no way - Car door.
Uh-huh.
It wasn't my fault! Let it go, Daddy.
Elvis has left the building.
Uh-huh.