Harvey Beaks (2015) s01e14 Episode Script

1 Harvey Harvey Harvey Let's find something to cover up the smell of Harvey's new cologne.
- Yeah.
He really overdid it.
- Hmm How 'bout this? I'm getting hints of shoe and notes of notes of socks.
Hey, quit poking in my merch.
I got my eye on you.
What? We're just smelling stuff.
Don't be weird.
- Scatter, scatter, scatter! - Hey, hey! Get back here.
Randl, take off your hat.
You look ridiculous.
Aw, come on, Ma! Not right now.
- You know, when you were born - Oh, here we go! you were terribly misshapen, and the nurses thought you were an old grapefruit.
But now you have such a nice top of your scalp.
Don't hide it girls love a boy with a scalp.
Ma, I don't need a girlfriend! - I'm fine! - Look, look.
You're very puffy in your face.
You look abnormal.
Ohhhh! It's because you're irritating me! You're always needling me! You know what? I'm done.
I just want some peace and qui Are you done there, or or or or Oh! What's that smell? - Fee! I found something pungent! - Oh! - Wha - Foo, this is Randl's mom.
She's not for rent.
That depends.
How much you got? Oh, well let me see.
Oh, right.
I don't have any money.
- I have this onion ring! - Hmm.
All right, deal.
This slightly used Ma is yours until tomorrow.
Cool! Hi, Randl's mom.
We own you now.
- What do you think Moms eat? - I had a yogurt once.
Suckers! Here's something fun for the kids.
If you hollow out a melon, you can hide things in it.
Whoa! Why didn't I think of that? I can keep my onion rings in there! I like to hide my nickels so the government can't get them.
That does it.
All right.
- Cool! - I feel like a cup holder.
Foo, you're very beautiful.
Don't rely on your looks.
I've been telling him that for years.
So after the war, I became a foot model for a slipper catalogue.
The photographers wanted me to show my ankles, but I told them I'm not that kind of girl.
This is really fun - but I'm getting pretty sleepy.
- I'll go turn her off.
Okay, Randl's mom go to sleep.
- And I slapped him - She's not going to sleep.
Um maybe if it's dark or something? They chased me, but they didn't understand that I'm There we go.
Good night, Randl's mom.
- Oh! - Hey, Randl.
Thanks for letting us rent your mom.
I invented peppers.
She covered up Harvey's cologne stink, and we had tons of fun.
Anyway, catch ya later.
Nope.
Store policy.
You can't return her.
- Huh? - You heard me.
I had the best night of sleep without this nagging.
Randl, you smell terrible.
Let me hose you down for once.
- See? I don't need that.
- But she's your mom! You can't just decide you don't want your mom.
Well, how 'bout this then? She's not my mom anymore.
- I'm getting a new mom! - Uh what is this? - I-it's like a catalogue for moms? - That's right! Highest quality for the best price.
Randl, I showed your journal to Barbara.
- She says it's very sad.
- That's it! I'd like a mail-order mom.
Same hour delivery.
- Look! A flying lady! - Did someone order a mom? Who's ready to be unconditionally # loved? # Here.
I made you some shortbread cookies.
Before we get into all that, what do you think of my hat? Do you want to nag me to take it off? My motto is, "If you like it, I like it.
" All right! You can hang.
Oh, goody! Let's get the paperwork out of the way.
I just need you to sign here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and now, gimme a big hug! I cherish you.
You are my light.
Nothing you do will ever disappoint me.
Are these your friends? - No! - Okay, then.
Let's go inside and make you some din-din.
Later, losers! - What just happened? - I want somebody to rub my legs.
- She seems nice.
- This is wrong! Randl has a perfectly good mom.
He doesn't need to replace her.
I mean, they're perfect for each other.
What should we do? Dear? I started tidying your things.
- No, Mom! Leave it the way it is.
- My boy is so creative! I'm gonna make a casserole.
I support all your life choices.
- This is the life! - This is your mother! Dang it! G-Get off of my property.
We won't let you get rid of her.
You always hold the broom wrong.
- Whoa-oa! - Hey! What? This is the face of your mother! Okay, really? You're doing this now? Higher, Foo.
Get her through the skylight.
- I don't have a skylight.
- Foo, make a skylight! Hey, guys, I found another cologne I like even better.
It makes me smell like a sports athlete! So, what do you th ink? Um I'll come back later? Go away! You're giving me a headache! Not until you take your mom back.
Admit it you miss her.
- This woman is the only mom I need.
- Proud of you, Son! Your old mom is a million times better than your new mom.
- Huh who wha - How about we settle this - with an old-fashioned Mom-off? - Whoa! - Whoops.
- We'll do a bunch of challenges and see who the best mom really is.
If your real mom wins, then you have to take her back.
Fine.
But if I win, then I keep my new mom, and I never wanna see you or you ever again.
- Deal? - Deal.
I was gonna do that.
Fee, do you think Randl's real mom can beat that new mom? Pfft! Of course she can.
- Just look at her.
- I can bite through metal.
I thought this was a party.
Oh, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to be a judge.
Just try not to act surprised when my new mom obliterates these guys.
Yeah, keep talkin', you old wind bag.
Won't worry, Randl's mom.
You got this.
Uh, okay, let's see, uh The first event is tucking into bed! Oh, you guys got everything set up.
Okay, uh, go! - Snug as a bug in a rug! - See Ma? You never tucked me in! Uh I think it's too tight.
Rest, rest, rest.
Let this eye sleep while the other eye watches for coyotes.
- Best hugs.
- Come here, my big boy! Real hugs! Ah! Where'd she get the bag of marshmallows? You'll take this and toast it! Next event calling you on your birthday! Happy birthday, my fat little miracle! Wha Who is this? I don't wanna buy life insurance.
I banish you! Uh, I don't think Randl's mom is winning any of these.
It's too bad this isn't a biting competition.
She's so good at biting.
Well, if she loses, we get to keep her forever, - so that's pretty cool.
- Yeah, you're right.
- It's Randl's loss, really.
- Yeah! I'll pop a wheelie on you! Hey, we're winning! Aren't you excited, sweetie? Uh O-oh, yeah! Yeah.
Yup! This is just what I wanted.
I-I'll finally get rid of that th-that old broad.
Uh, okay, so it looks like we've completed all the events.
So I guess I'll just start tallying the numbers up.
Uh, five carry the two Uh wait! It's too dense to close to call.
- We need a tie-breaker! - Having second thoughts there, dingus? No! I'm, uh I'm just being fair to you losers! Th-there's one more really important challenge! The classic mom activity of, uh uhh sitting in a wheelchair and breathing shallow from your mouth while looking at old photos.
Oh, come on, Ma! How do you lose at this? - All you do is sit! - Ehhhh Okay, I'm gonna announcer the winner! This is really exciting.
The winner of the Mom-off - Oh, no! - And the future fate of Randl's Mom - Uh, um, wait! - The clear winner is - You're fired! - What? Fired? I What does that mean? I've never heard that word before.
You're not my mom anymore, and that makes this whole Mom-off thing completely pointless.
- H-here's your severance.
- This is my tray.
Good luck! I wanna rent my my mom back.
- What was that? - I said, I want to rent my mom back.
Here, just take this! - My onion ring! - The price has gone up.
I-I'll throw in this sticky candy wrapper.
I guess this'll do.
What a sucker! Okay, Ma, you hear that? I rented you back.
So what do you think? - Randl, y-you look awful.
- So do you, Ma.
Why don't you take off that ugly hat? - Girls like a boy with a scalp.
- Yeah, I'll think about it.
Well, rats, I still have all afternoon before my pickup.
Hey, new-Mom.
Wanna hang out with us? You can have this sticky wrapper.
That's very sweet.
I don't see why not.
- Randl, just let me check your moles.
- Ma, I don't have any moles! Ah, dang it! Stupid baby dresser.
Why don't these things come pre-assembled? In the store it's like, "Oh, that looks easy to build.
" But it's not! Steady it - Mother of - Hey, Dad.
Mom said you were having a tough time in here, so - I pranked you! - Wait.
I don't understand.
You made me a sandwich? Yeah! You got pranked! Did ya do something weird to it? Nope! Just a regular peanut butter sandwich for my dad.
- So do you feel better? - Yeah, I guess so, but The King of Pranks strikes again! Whoo! Yeah! Mmmm.
The King of Pranks waits for his next victim.
Well, time to take care of those dishes.
- What the - Pranked ya! I already did the dishes.
You got pranked by the King of Pranks! Ha! Hmm.
Well, I guess I'll go get a head start - on the laundry, then.
- Something tells me ol' Mom has another prank waiting for her.
Hey, Harvey, what's so funny? Did somebody get hurt? I just pulled off a totally awesome prank! My mom was like, "Well, it's time to do those dishes.
" And I was like, "Already did 'em!" - Should we say something about this? - Yes.
- Harvey, that's not a prank.
- What do you mean? Okay, this looks like a regular stick of gum, right? - Oooh, yeah! - No! This is trick-gum.
See? Ohhhhhh! - Now watch this.
- Hey, gum! - Is he okay? - He's fine.
It's just a Foo, spit that out! That's not real gum! No! - Foo! Don't you swallow that! - Wow! Exhibit B: Embarrassment pranks.
Doot doo doo da doo doo doop Ah, it's time for a well-deserved sit.
Oh, gosh! Ohh! I think I get it! So the joke is that he really farted? Harvey, you just don't get pranks.
What? I'm the King of Pranks! Okay, then, prove it.
Prank us! - Right now? - Right now.
Okay, um let's go this way? Mmm wait.
This way! All right - Here? This is it.
- What are we doing here? We're waiting in line? For something cool? All right, I'll bite.
What are we waiting for? Nothing! I pranked you! Phew! That was tough.
- That's the dumbest - Hey, you guys.
Why are you standing in the middle of the woods? Oh, I was just joking around with Uh, Harvey says we're waiting for something really cool! - Isn't that right? - Mm mm-hmm.
Whoa! Maybe if people see me with the cool thing, they'll think I'm cool! And then they'll forget about my B.
O.
But shouldn't we tell 'em there's nothing - so they don't waste their time? - Harvey, no! You got these guys right where you want 'em.
A real King of Pranks would keep this thing going, - don't ya think? - Oh, my gosh, you're right! - Now go and spread the word! - Okay! Hey, Claire! Have you heard about the line? There's a line for something super cool! - Oh, wow! What's it for? - Why don't you go see for yourself? Your laughter sounds suspicious, but I do love surprises! So there's a line? And I'm invited? That should be enough.
I can't wait to tell Fee and Foooo Hey, Harvey! How did all of these people know about the Moff! How did you hear about the line? Well, I was sleeping on a park bench earlier today when I overheard Terra talking about this line.
I believe she heard it from Dr.
Roberts.
Why he didn't tell me directly, I will never know.
I think he heard it from Mark, and Mark and I are not on speaking terms! Guys! This line is huge! I know, right?! It's the best prank ever! Yeah, and it's only going to get better once we get that cool thing we're waiting for.
The line seems a bit outta control.
Should we end it before it gets any longer? Sure, we could.
Or the King of Pranks could go ask everyone what they think they're waiting for.
That'd be hilarious! Yeah cool.
Uh hey, everybody! I know we're all excited for the big surprise! Yeah, whoo but what exactly is everyone hoping for? I hope it's a party but on a rainbow! - I'd like to gain the power of flight! - A million dollars! Everyone's got really high hopes.
Okay, listen up, everybody! I know there's been a lotta rumors about the big surprise.
Harvey, you were the one that said that.
I know! And it's it's true! Ha.
We believe you Harvey! It'll be great! Guys, guys, guys, guys! This is way bigger than I ever expected.
Like I kinda wanna bail on this whole prank.
Okay, okay.
It's gone on long enough.
Okay, listen up, sheeple! It's the moment you've been waiting for! The big surprise is Nothin'! It was all a prank! Ha! - What? - What's she talking about? - I don't get it.
- Ha.
Nice try! You just want the surprise for yourselves.
Yeah! Wha It's a prank! T-There's no arguing.
We're not listening to you, you little liar! Harvey is the one who told us about the line! We can trust Harvey! Yeah! - Oh, boy - Whoa, that did not go according to plan.
- Well, now what do I do?! - I don't know! But you can't just walk away from this.
Hey, where ya goin'? Oh, my gosh! The line is moving! - Look alive, Kratz.
- Huh? Oh! Oh, I can't wait to know what the surprise is! Yeah! - What are you doing? - I don't know! Trying to shake 'em! Ah! Are we at the surprise, Harvey?! - W-where is it?! - Tell us before my heart explodes! O-kay, we'll just wait here till you get back! Okay! I-I gotta tell 'em! I gotta tell 'em You're not gonna tell 'em, right? Why? What's the worst that could happen? You'll get beat up.
What?! They wouldn't do that, would they? Oh, yeah.
Foo and I have been beat up for way less than this! - Then what do I do? - I don't know! You're the mastermind behind all this! I guess I'm just gonna have to go out there and face the music.
Hey, everybody.
I've got something to tell you all, and it might come as a bit of a shock.
We love you Harvey! Thank you.
Okay, so, this surprise it's it's, uh, it's it's funny, really, because, well the surprise is - nothing.
- Speak up, boy! I said it's, uh nothing? - Nothing? - Pranked ya! What kind of prank is that? Well, I guess I missed my sister's wedding for nothing.
Why do people have to lie? I don't believe it.
You got pranked by the King of Pranks.
- Hey, you're still alive! - Yeah.
They didn't beat me up, but they all hate me now.
Of course they hate ya! You pranked 'em! That didn't feel anything like my other pranks do.
Well, you wanted to be the King of Pranks, right? It's a small price to pay for having the crown.
But that's not the type of king I wanted to be.
Wait that's it! I'm gonna do pranks my way! - Hey, Piri Piri, whatcha doin'? - Just crying from sadness! Oh, I'm sorry, here, let me get you a tissue - I pranked ya! - What? It's like, totally safe to eat and everything! - King of Pranks! - Thanks, Harvey! Hello? Paper airplane? Wait a tick! - It's made from a $5.
00 bill! - Pranked ya! Ah Ooh! I smell good! It's cologne! Pranked ya! Thanks, Harvey! - Thanks, Harvey! - Thanks, Harvey! Ya got me good, Harvey! Thanks! Wow, dude! I'm impressed.
People like you again and you didn't get punched.
Thank you.
I feel pretty good about this! Hey, I know! We should celebrate with some gum! - Oh, uh, no thanks, Foo.
- Suit yourself! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, tastes good! Ow!