Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e14 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY
THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE A MYSTERY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
YOU'LL FIND
IN EACH CALAMITY ♪
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
HEATHCLIFF!
OH, NO!
OH, NO!
HEATHCLIFF, DON'T!
NO! WAIT!
IN THIS BUSINESS,
TIMING IS EVERYTHING.
[CRYING]
THAT HEATHCLIFF
IS DESCENDED
FROM A LONG LINE
OF BAD PUSSYCATS.
HEH HEH HEH!
THEY GOT THEIR JOB TO DO,
AND I'VE GOT MINE.
HEATHCLIFF,
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
GRANDPA IS GONNA SHOW US
THE NUTMEG FAMILY TREE.
NOW, ON THIS BRANCH
OF THE NUTMEG FAMILY TREE,
WE FIND ORVILLE NUTMEG.
NOW, ORVILLE NUTMEG,
YOU'LL BE PROUD TO KNOW,
INVENTED THE WORLD'S FIRS
STEAM-POWERED ROLLER SKATE.
WELL, THAT WASN'
A BIG SUCCESS.
UHH
HE WAS WAY AHEAD
OF HIS TIME.
BORING!
[YAWNS]
THAT'S NEAT, GRANDPA.
SHOW US MORE.
OH.
MY FAMILY TREE.
I WONDER
WHO MY ANCESTORS WERE.
NOW, LET'S SEE
WHAT THIS BRANCH
OF MY FAMILY WAS LIKE.
HEY, EVERYBODY,
ORANGE BART IS COMING!
ORANGE BART?!ORANGE BART?!
THAT'S RIGHT! ORANGE--
WHOA!
[THUNDER]
[TEETH CHATTERING]
GIMME A DISH OF MILK.
Y-Y-YES, SIR!
LEAVE THE BOTTLE.
HEY, EVERYBODY,
THE CALICO KID IS COMIN'!
THE CALICO KID?!THE CALICO KID?!
THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
THE CALICO--
WHOA!
[CRASH]
KID.
ARE YOU ORANGE BART?
UH, WHO'S ASKIN'?
THE CALICO
KID.
I'M ORANGE BART.
WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU?
I HEAR YOU'RE
THE FASTEST FISH
IN THE WEST,
AND I AIM TO FIND OU
IF IT'S TRUE.
IT'S TRUE.
WELL, LET'S FIND OU
FOR SURE.
GO FOR YOUR FISH, KID.
WHOA.
THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION.
THANK YOU VER--
VERY MUCH.
OH, DEAR!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
FIT AS A FIDDLE,
MISS LILY.
OH, BARTHOLOMEW!
BARTHOLOMEW?!BARTHOLOMEW?!
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
BARTHOLOMEW
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA
HANG UP YOUR FISH?
I'LL HANG UP MY FISH
WHEN YOU SAY YOU'LL MARRY ME.
OH, I WILL, MARRY YOU!
I WILL!
[SNIFFS]
PHEW!
ORANGE BART.
NOW, THERE'S AN ANCESTOR
I'M PROUD OF HAVING.
FASTEST FISH IN THE WEST.
I WONDER
WHO MY ANCESTOR WAS
IN THIS PAR
OF THE FAMILY TREE.
GOOD DAY TO THEE,
KIND SIR.
I AM HEATHIN HOOD,
AND I MUST ASK THEE
TO HAND OVER THY GOLD
SO THAT I MIGH
GIVE IT AWAY
TO ALL THE CREATURES
OF THE FOREST.
GET THEE LOST!
AND NOW, KIND SIR,
LET US TO BATTLE GO.
I'M HEATHIN HOOD,
AND I'M KIND AND GOOD ♪
AND I SING ALL DAY
HE'S SINGS ALL DAY
WITH MY MERRY MEOWS,
I LAUGH AND PLAY ♪
AND I'M NICE
TO THE DOGGIES
WHO LIKE TO SAY ♪
HE'S HEATHIN HOOD,
AND HE'S KIND AND GOOD ♪
HE SINGS ALL DAY
YES, I SING ALL DAY
YEECH! I'M HEATHIN HOOD,
AND I'M KIND AND GOOD!
YEECH!
WELL, I GUESS EVERY FAMILY
HAS ONE OR 2 BLACK SHEEP.
KIND TO THE DOGGIES?
YEECH!
MAYBE I'LL HAVE BETTER LUCK
WITH THIS BRANCH
OF THE FAMILY.
GET YOUR TUNA FISH HERE!
FRESH BONES!
FRESH BONES HERE!
[FANFARE]
PETS OF ROME,
WELCOME TO THE GLADIATOR
MATCH OF THE YEAR!
IN THIS CORNER,
THE CHALLENGER,
WEIGHING IN
AT 5 3/4 POUNDS,
THE CRUSHER FROM RUSSIA,
HERMAN THE HUN!
BOO!
BOO!
BOO!
I'LL SHOW THEM.
AND IN THIS CORNER,
THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION,
THE MENACE FROM VENICE,
THE CAT WHO TOOK "GLAD"
OUT OF "GLADIATOR,"
THE ONE AND ONLY
HEATHACUS!
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
HEATHACUS BUTTONS!
GET YER HEATHACUS
BUTTONS HERE!
ARE YOU
HAVING FUN, HUN?
WHOA!
I'M GONNA MAKE CAESAR SALAD
OUT OF THAT GUY.
ROUND ONE GOES
TO THE MENACE FROM VENICE,
THE FOAMIN' ROMAN,
HEATHACUS!
OK, BOSS,
NOW GO OUT THERE
AND GIVE HIM
THE OL' BARBARIAN
RAZZLE-DAZZLE.
BLIND HIM
WITH YOUR FOOTWORK.
UH, BUT FIRST, SIGN
THIS INSURANCE POLICY.
WHOA!
THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS!
THE WINNER
AND STILL CHAMPIO--OHH!
HAVE A NICE FLIGHT, GUYS.
[CHEERING]
I COME FROM A LONG LINE
OF BAD PUSSYCATS.
Boy: COME ON,
HEATHCLIFF!
WAKE UP!
HEATHCLIFF, I JUST RODE BY
THE GARBAGE DUMP
ON MY BICYCLE
AND SAW A BIG TOUGH CA
CHASING SONYA.
HUH?
GRRR!
WAIT FOR ME!
[PANTING]
HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE KISS?
YIKE!
I'D RATHER KISS A PIT BULL!
HERE COMES LOVER BOY!
HERE I AM, SONYA!
HAVE NO FEAR.
HEATHACUS--
I MEAN
HEATHCLIFF IS HERE!
AW, COME ON, SONYA!
JUST A LITTLE SMOOCH!
HEH HEH HEH!
BOY, CAN THAT GIRL KISS!
I COME FROM A LONG LINE
OF BAD PUSSYCATS!
[GASPS]
IT'S HEATHCLIFF!IT'S HEATHCLIFF!
THERE GOES ONE TOUGH CAT.
IT'S A FAMILY TRADITION.
HIS NAME'S HEATHCLIFF,
AND HE'S ONE TOUGH CAT ♪
IF YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR TROUBLE ♪
HE'S WHERE IT'S AT
HIS NAME'S HEATHCLIFF,
AND HE'S ONE TOUGH CAT ♪
IF YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR TROUBLE ♪
HE'S WHERE IT'S AT
AN APPLE A DAY
KEEPS THE VET AWAY ♪
BUT I DON'T WAN
A HAIRCUT.
BUSH, YOU CAN'T SEE
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
WHY, THAT'S
THE SILLIEST THING
I EVER HEARD.
GRRR!
RUFF! RUFF!
YIIIKE!
THAT DOG SURE GO
A CRAZY RHYTHM.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP
PICKING ON POOR BUSH?
THE GUY'S GOT ENOUGH
TO WORRY ABOUT.
HE THINKS HE'S
GONNA GET FIRED
FROM HIS OTHER JOB.
WHAT OTHER JOB?
HE'S MOONLIGHTING
AS A NIGHT WATCHDOG
IN A CANDY WAREHOUSE.
HAH! BUSH?!
A WATCHDOG?!
I HEARD THAT!
OH, HI, BUSH.
CLEO TELLS ME
YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE
AT YOUR JOB.
YEAH. I CAN'T CATCH
WHO'S STEALING
THE CHOCOLATE.
I THINK
I'M GONNA GET FIRED.
YOU'RE LUCKY.
RIFF RAFF'S
GONNA VOLUNTEER
TO WORK WITH YOU
AND HELP YOU
SOLVE THE MYSTERY.
I WILL?
YOU WILL, IF YOU
WANNA SEE ME AGAIN.
OK, OK.
THAT'S STEP NUMBER ONE.
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY,
YOU'LL FIND
SOME GUMDROPS.
ONE QUESTION, YOU GUYS.
WHY AM I IN HERE?
SO NO ONE CAN
SEE ME TAKE YOU
TO THE WAREHOUSE.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
JUST KNOCK.
[KNOCK KNOCK]
WHO'S THERE?
IT'S ME--RIFF RAFF.
YEAH? WH-WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M IN YOUR LUNCHBOX,
REMEMBER?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
I FORGOT.
WANT A GUMDROP?
NO, THANKS.
GEE, I WISH I KNEW
HOW THEY SWIPED
ALL OF THAT CHOCOLATE.
I MEAN, THE BOXES
DON'T WALK AWAY
ON THEIR OWN, RIGHT?
I'LL JUST SEE
IF OUR FRIEND THERE
NEEDS A LIFT.
HEH HEH HEH!
[PANTING]
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
SEND ME A POSTCARD!
PUT UP YOUR DUKES!
2 MORE PLUNDERING POODLES
COMING UP!
POODLE FLIGHT 101
LEAVING RIGHT NOW!
AAH!
AAH!
OK, BUSTER,
ONE LAST CHANCE!
WHO ARE YOU
WORKING FOR?
BUSH, YOU'RE GRILLING
A COAT RACK.
I AM?
CASE CLOSED.
I GOT RID OF YOUR
CHOCOLATE THIEVES.
ALL 3 OF THEM
WERE POODLES.
DID YOU SAY POODLES?
OH, NO!
THAT'S GOTTA BE
PUNKO AND HIS GANG.
PUNKO?
YEAH. PUNKO.
HE'S THE LEADER OF
ONE MEAN GANG OF POODLES.
NAH. ALL POODLES
ARE SISSIES.
I'LL PRETEND I DIDN'
HEAR THAT COMMENT.
Bushy: IT'S HIM!
HE DON'T LOOK SO TOUGH.
NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
ALL POODLES
ARE NOT SISSIES.
I SHOULD NOT HAVE
GENERALIZED LIKE THAT.
YOU GUYS BETTER SCRAM,
OR YOU GOT BIG TROUBLE.
YOU GOT SPIRIT,
BUT NOT MUCH ELSE.
OH, YEAH?
THESE 2 CLOWNS
KNOW WHO WE ARE NOW,
SO WE'LL HAVE
TO TAKE 'EM ALONG.
LET'S GO.
BUSH, RUN FOR IT!
Bushy: AW!
I WAS INCHES AWAY
FROM A CLEAN GETAWAY.
WILL YOU
LEAVE IT ALONE?
JUST BECAUSE
YOU HAVE A SHOR
ATTENTION SPAN
DOESN'T MEAN
WE DO.
YEAH.
IT'S ALL BORING
DOG SHOWS.
OH, HI, RALPH.
NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE,
WHY DON'T YOU GET LOST?
ME AND THE BOYS WERE LOOKING
FOR A PLACE TO PARTY.
WHERE'S RIFF RAFF?
UH, HE'S WORKING
ALL NIGHT.
QUIET, AIRHEAD.
WORKING? ALL RIGHT.
BOYS, WE'RE GONNA PARTY
RIGHT HERE.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
RALPH.
RIFF RAFF
WOULDN'T LIKE THAT.
THEN WE WON'T INVITE HIM.
OK, YOU DIMWITS,
TAKE A HIKE.
YOU TAKE A HIKE!
J.J., TAKE A PICTURE
OF OUR PALS.
Ralph: NOW GET RID
OF THIS DEBRIS.
HELP!
RIFF RAFF,
WHERE ARE YOU?
AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE TAKE THE CHOCOLATE THA
WEBORROWED FROM YOU FOLKS,
MELT IT DOWN,
AND MAKE OUR OWN BARS.
YOU WON'
GET AWAY WITH THIS.
IF YOU POINT ME
TOWARDS THE DOOR,
MAYBE I CAN
MAKE A BREAK FOR IT.
THAT'S OK, BUSH.
WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE A NAP INSTEAD?
[YAWNS]
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,
I AM AWFULLY TIRED.
[SNORING]
Cleo: THEY DIDN'T COME BACK
FROM THE JOB LAST NIGHT,
AND THEY'RE NOT HERE.
I THINK SOMETHING'S
HAPPENED TO THEM.
HEY, HERE'S A GUMDROP.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.
SOMEONE'S LEF
A TRAIL OF GUMDROPS.
BET IT'S RIFF RAFF.
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
THIS MUST BE THE PLACE.
KEEP DOWN.
MONGO,
QUIT BREATHING.
YOU'RE FOGGING UP
THE WINDOW.
IT'S PUNKO AND THE POODLES.
THESE GUYS ARE BAD NEWS.
LET'S GET 'EM!
WE CAN'T.
THEY'D OVERPOWER US.
WE NEED HELP.
CLEO, YOU STILL GO
THOSE GUMDROPS?
YEAH, IN MY BAG. WHY?
RALPH'S A SUCKER
FOR GUMDROPS,
AND WE NEED
REINFORCEMENTS.
LET'S PAY HIM A VISIT.
RALPH, WE NEED YOUR HELP.
UH, HOW CAN I BE
OF ASSISTANCE?
PUNKO AND HIS GANG
ARE HOLDING RIFF RAFF
AND BUSH PRISONER.
HEY, THAT'S TOO BAD.
HMM.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL
A YUMMY GUMDROP.
WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE
YUMMY GUMDROPS.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
A LIFETIME SUPPLY
OF THESE?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
JUST COME WITH US.
Punko: LESSON NUMBER ONE.
NOTICE THE RICH COLOR
OF THE MILK CHOCOLATE.
NOW, THAT COMES FROM
STEALING ONLY THE BEST.
Ralph:
OK, POODLES, SMILE!
GRRR!
YEOW!
THIS IS YUMMY CHOCOLATE.
MUCH YUMMIER THAN GUMDROPS.
OF COURSE IT'S YUMMY,
YOU DUMB CAT.
IT'S MY VERY OWN RECIPE.
MMM!
THANKS, BABY.
NOT THIS LITTLE TWERP
AGAIN!
YEOW!
OOH!
AAH!
GRRR!
LOOK WHAT YOU DID
TO MY POODLES!
RIFF RAFF
HERE, BOY!
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!
[PANTING]
WOOF WOOF!
WHY, YOU
OH, BOY.
WHOA!
[YAWNS]
WHAT A SWEET BUNCH
OF GUYS.
WOW! I MUST BE DREAMIN'.
THOSE ARE THE BIGGES
CHOCOLATE SUNDAES
I'VE EVER SEEN.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HEY KIDS, REMEMBER
THAT A BIG PAR
OF BEING A PET OWNER
IS KEEPING YOUR PET CLEAN.
NO, NOT A BATH!
WASHNG YOUR PET REGULARLY
HELPS FREE HIM OR HER
OF THOSE NASTY OLD
TICKS AND FLEAS.
I HATE BATHS!
NOT TO MENTION MAKING A BIG
IMPROVEMEN
ON THE WAY THEY SMELL.
OOH!
OH WELL, A LITTLE BATH
NEVER HURT ANYONE!
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU