Justice League Action (2016) s01e14 Episode Script
Speed Demon
(THEME MUSIC) Listen up, Gotham City, get ready to tremble at the magical might of the new, improved Harley Quinn! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (CHANTING) Huh? (GROANS) (GRUNTS) Only one creep supplies ordinary criminals with magic powers.
Our old friend, Brother Night.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (MEN GRUNTING) (GROWLS) (SCREAMING) (GROANING) I'm impressed, Batman.
You have no mystical abilities, yet you easily defeated my bodyguards.
BATMAN: A criminal is a criminal.
Monster or man, they both fall the same.
Smartly said.
Now, are you smart enough to stop turning criminals into sorcerers? Careful, mortal.
Challenge Brother Night and you could get burned.
(CHANTING) (COUGHS) Zatanna! You'll pay for that! Anytime you're ready, dragon breath.
Zatanna, Ember, no fighting, please.
(CHUCKLING) I'm no criminal, Batman, I choose no sides.
I simply provide power to those who Crave it.
For instance, I've always suspected you've longed to be more than what you are.
With my help you'd no longer need costumes and gadgets.
You would become crime's ultimate destroyer.
A true agent of vengeance.
Save your hocus pocus.
And stop playing fairy godfather to Gotham Sleaze.
I won't touch a living soul.
Promise.
(CHANTS) You can't let them walk away unharmed.
(GROANING) They won't be walking far.
BATMAN: That could have been worse.
I don't often deal with wizards.
Don't underestimate yourself.
Little secret.
When goblins wanna scare themselves, they tell Batman stories.
(BEEPS) (SCREECHING) (GROWLS) Okay, that thing needs a tune up.
(ZATANNA GRUNTS) More trickery from Brother Night.
Anything he can hex, I can undo.
(CHANTS) (SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) That looked painful.
I hope you didn't land on the stick shift.
(ENGINE REVVING) (TIRES SCREECH) (GRUNTS) Release my car.
You spurned my generous offer.
For that, you and Zatanna are about to have the ride of your lives.
The last ride.
(BEEPING) (TIRES SCREECHING) (FIRING) (GRUNTS) (SCREECHING) Jason Blood, summon Etrigan now.
No.
And hello, Batman, good to see you again.
The bat-mobile nearly killed me.
You want a mechanic.
Not a fiend from the pit.
It's been possessed by Brother Night.
Oh, well, then that's different.
(ECHOING) Gone, gone, form of man.
Rise, the Demon (GLASS SHATTERS) (SNARLS) (SCREECHING) Etrigan! Driving downtown is always a pain.
But parking on me? That's insane! (ROARS) (GLASS SHATTERS) Turn, cursed car, and face my ire! I'll melt you down by mystic fire! No! Zatanna's trapped in there.
(REVS ENGINE) Lovely mage must not be fried.
We'll have to force our way inside! Darned and done! Free the lady and the night is won.
(ENGINES REVVING) Apparently, easier said than done.
(GRUNTS) (TIRES SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) BROTHER NIGHT: Etrigan, the wizard Merlin's own Demon.
Why waste your time aiding these misguided heroes when you could join forces with me.
Brother Night, the Bat can cope.
For all your might, you're just a dope.
(SCREAMING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Turn! (GRUNTS) It seems to end this strange ordeal, the demon must have his own set of wheels.
(ECHOING) Merlin! You call upon my powers impish rhymer.
Life to the lifeless, I asked you to bring.
This vehicle here is just the thing.
Very well.
Lookout.
(EVIL LAUGHTER) It was an inspired notion, Etrigan, but without a vehicle (REVVING) (MAN YELPING) (GRUNTS) (INDISTINCT) (TRAIN HORN TOOTING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Well, this is an amusing twist.
Are you okay? I've been better.
(SNARLING) They'll destroy each other.
Not here, they won't.
(CHANTING) - Where did they go? - She wouldn't dare.
(CRASHES) BATMAN: Good work.
You've run Brother Night out of business.
(CHANTING) Magic 101, Batman.
Never leave personal things behind.
That's how Night cursed your car.
We've won, friends.
Rejoice with glee.
The frozen treats are now on me.
Ooh, sprinkles.
What'll you have? BATMAN: I'm dealing with more important things right now.
Chocolate.
Our old friend, Brother Night.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (MEN GRUNTING) (GROWLS) (SCREAMING) (GROANING) I'm impressed, Batman.
You have no mystical abilities, yet you easily defeated my bodyguards.
BATMAN: A criminal is a criminal.
Monster or man, they both fall the same.
Smartly said.
Now, are you smart enough to stop turning criminals into sorcerers? Careful, mortal.
Challenge Brother Night and you could get burned.
(CHANTING) (COUGHS) Zatanna! You'll pay for that! Anytime you're ready, dragon breath.
Zatanna, Ember, no fighting, please.
(CHUCKLING) I'm no criminal, Batman, I choose no sides.
I simply provide power to those who Crave it.
For instance, I've always suspected you've longed to be more than what you are.
With my help you'd no longer need costumes and gadgets.
You would become crime's ultimate destroyer.
A true agent of vengeance.
Save your hocus pocus.
And stop playing fairy godfather to Gotham Sleaze.
I won't touch a living soul.
Promise.
(CHANTS) You can't let them walk away unharmed.
(GROANING) They won't be walking far.
BATMAN: That could have been worse.
I don't often deal with wizards.
Don't underestimate yourself.
Little secret.
When goblins wanna scare themselves, they tell Batman stories.
(BEEPS) (SCREECHING) (GROWLS) Okay, that thing needs a tune up.
(ZATANNA GRUNTS) More trickery from Brother Night.
Anything he can hex, I can undo.
(CHANTS) (SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) That looked painful.
I hope you didn't land on the stick shift.
(ENGINE REVVING) (TIRES SCREECH) (GRUNTS) Release my car.
You spurned my generous offer.
For that, you and Zatanna are about to have the ride of your lives.
The last ride.
(BEEPING) (TIRES SCREECHING) (FIRING) (GRUNTS) (SCREECHING) Jason Blood, summon Etrigan now.
No.
And hello, Batman, good to see you again.
The bat-mobile nearly killed me.
You want a mechanic.
Not a fiend from the pit.
It's been possessed by Brother Night.
Oh, well, then that's different.
(ECHOING) Gone, gone, form of man.
Rise, the Demon (GLASS SHATTERS) (SNARLS) (SCREECHING) Etrigan! Driving downtown is always a pain.
But parking on me? That's insane! (ROARS) (GLASS SHATTERS) Turn, cursed car, and face my ire! I'll melt you down by mystic fire! No! Zatanna's trapped in there.
(REVS ENGINE) Lovely mage must not be fried.
We'll have to force our way inside! Darned and done! Free the lady and the night is won.
(ENGINES REVVING) Apparently, easier said than done.
(GRUNTS) (TIRES SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) BROTHER NIGHT: Etrigan, the wizard Merlin's own Demon.
Why waste your time aiding these misguided heroes when you could join forces with me.
Brother Night, the Bat can cope.
For all your might, you're just a dope.
(SCREAMING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Turn! (GRUNTS) It seems to end this strange ordeal, the demon must have his own set of wheels.
(ECHOING) Merlin! You call upon my powers impish rhymer.
Life to the lifeless, I asked you to bring.
This vehicle here is just the thing.
Very well.
Lookout.
(EVIL LAUGHTER) It was an inspired notion, Etrigan, but without a vehicle (REVVING) (MAN YELPING) (GRUNTS) (INDISTINCT) (TRAIN HORN TOOTING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Well, this is an amusing twist.
Are you okay? I've been better.
(SNARLING) They'll destroy each other.
Not here, they won't.
(CHANTING) - Where did they go? - She wouldn't dare.
(CRASHES) BATMAN: Good work.
You've run Brother Night out of business.
(CHANTING) Magic 101, Batman.
Never leave personal things behind.
That's how Night cursed your car.
We've won, friends.
Rejoice with glee.
The frozen treats are now on me.
Ooh, sprinkles.
What'll you have? BATMAN: I'm dealing with more important things right now.
Chocolate.