Kung Fu Panda: The Paws of Destiny (2018) s01e14 Episode Script

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
BAO: Bravery It can't be taught, ya know? Some of us were born with more of it than others.
MAN: All paths ahead lead to doom! [BAO YELLS.]
BAO: Bao bravely led the Four C's through the heck-a-dangerous Gauntlet.
Now all that was standing between Bao and glory was a sleeping beast.
[GROWLING.]
Sure, we could have snuck past it.
But where's the fun in that? [GROWLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GROANING.]
NU HAI: Hold on a second! Didn't Master Po help us BAO: Grab a copy of my autobiography, y'all! The Tao of Bao.
Crazy Days and Wild Nights of the Dragon Master's Greatest Student! You're killin' me here, Sis! This is my first book reading! "Bao.
Twice the size of the other Constellations"? And "Double the awesome"? So I exaggerated a tiny bit.
The audience wants to hear this stuff! We're famous, yo! You have eyes made of fire and justice, Bao? That's so cool! Hmm.
"Smokin' hot dimples "that can literally break glass if they got to, yo.
" What the crud does that even mean? We're supposed to be helping people.
Not just lying about how awesome we are.
Speaking of how awesome you are.
I'm glad I found you, kids.
In Panda village.
Where we all live.
Nice work, constable.
Um Now, I told you that being heroes means you're gonna have major responsibilities, right? Well, you're kinda late for the ribbon cutting ceremony at my dad's joint-noodle- and-apothecary-shop.
How could we have forgotten? MR.
PING: Make way! Make way! Famous pandas coming through! I had Cart prepare something special for you today! Toasted corn millets! And they're soaking wet.
I hope you like them! [GASPS.]
Hey, watch it, lady! Today's fan mail.
Ooh, look at that! - So many adoring fans.
- Oh, wow! GRANDMA: Mission requests.
And citizens in need! - And my dirty underpants.
- [ALL EXCLAIMS.]
Pretty gross, Grandma.
Yes, they are.
Which is why I need you to bring them to the laundry.
Ugh, we're heroes! Not dry cleaners! You're also still my grandkids, which means you still have to pull your weight around here - no matter how bad it stinks.
- [BOTH GASPING.]
Clean what you can.
Burn the rest! [ALL SIGHING.]
Great.
More adventures.
What's the matter, gang? I thought you wanted to be heroes! We did want to be heroes.
OLD LADY TAHR: Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Would you help me cross? [ALL SIGHING.]
PANDA MOTHER: Help! My baby! - NU HAI: What is it? - BAO: Ma'am? Oh, thank goodness! - Hon? The babysitters are here! - [BABY FARTING.]
[CRYING.]
PANDA FATHER: Please! Someone, help! Oh! Thank heavens! I'm out of toilet paper.
We're still waiting to be heroes.
[ALL GASPING.]
GRANDMA: Found another load.
These were hidden for a long time.
NU HAI: Can I lay a truth on you, Master P? - This isn't quite - [CRUSHING.]
what I thought hero life would be like exactly.
I was picturing more, I don't know, bigger action and high stakes.
[GROWLING.]
Yeah, this isn't exactly sequel material.
Whoa, whoa, you guys, you're thinking all wrong about this.
Sure, you sent old Jindiao up to the Spirit Realm, but that's not what heroes do every day.
No matter how big or small the task, getting out there and helping is your duty.
[CHUCKLING.]
Duty.
[CHUCKLING.]
I don't get it.
[GASPS.]
Oh, wait, we were talkin' about poo? All right! [CHUCKLING.]
Listen, being a hero isn't about having fun and being adored by fans.
I mean, it's kind of about that.
But it's really about doing what needs to be done when there's nobody else to do it.
[COUGHING.]
Lame.
So lame.
There's just gotta be more to hero life than this, Master P.
Right? [SIGHING.]
I'm ready to go back now, children.
Oh, wait.
What about Grandma's laundry? Hey, Fan Tong, you mind takin' care of that, buddy? [SHOUTING.]
[COUGHING.]
[COUGHING LOUDLY.]
Oh, Father, you sound so much better today.
Doesn't he sound better today, Shi Long? Much better, your majesty.
Thank you, Shi Long.
You are my most trusted advisor.
[COUGHING.]
How is the pipeline coming, Shi Long? I've promised all of China that our water is theirs to share.
We've made significant progress.
But there is much work to do.
Oh, this drought, the suddenness with which it came.
Does it strike you as suspicious? Suspicious? No.
We've experienced droughts before.
Yes.
Still [COUGHING.]
Xiao! I'm sorry, Daddy, were you saying my name or was that phlegm? Help me to my feet, daughter.
[COUGHING.]
My time ruling over the great land of China will not last forever.
It will be up to you to carry on my legacy.
And as the future Empress, put the people first.
Know that there are many forces that will try to destroy the peace.
[ANIMALS SCREAMING.]
And no matter how safe you may think you are, you must be wary of them.
[COUGHING.]
Shi Long, please prepare my morning tea, I would like some alone time with my daughter.
There's something I need to ask of you, Xiao.
XIAO: Anything, Daddy! [COUGHING.]
I want [GROANING.]
[COUGHS.]
I want you to send a message to Dragon Master Po.
Daddy, if you're trying to set me up, does it have to be a panda? They have those weird muscly forearms.
He has recently taken on some students.
I would like to invite them all to the Forbidden City.
- [COUGHING.]
- Why? I want him to investigate the origins of this drought.
I need to know my daughter, and my legacy, are safe.
[SCOFFS.]
Nice job! Now start over, and next time make it not so terrible.
This week's flour and tea-leaf supply only half the shipment arrived in decent shape.
The rest? Dried up.
Useless! Hmm.
Uh-oh, the squinty suspicious face! I hate that face.
It usually means, I'm gonna lose money! The drought has worsened.
We'll have to ration this week, and then get to the bottom of this.
Bottom of what? There's a water shortage now.
Later, there won't be.
That's how droughts work.
Oh, so now you're teaching me about how the climate can change? There's nothing we can do about it, Li.
It's all perfectly natural.
Probably another punishment from the Spirit Realm.
Relax, we'll find some other supplements around the village.
I hope.
Whatever you say, Ping.
[SINGING WITH HUMMING.]
Get out of here, Mr.
Dust Pile.
[ROCKS CRUSHING.]
Ha, that is simply bizarre.
- [ROCKS CRUSHING.]
- [GRUNTING.]
Oh, dear, what is that? Good morning, Shi Long! Good morning, Your Majesty.
Question, how do I mail something? I've got this secret letter Daddy wants me to send.
Secret letter? Is there a class? Or a how-to pamphlet? To whom? Well, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you.
Okay, I'll tell you.
Daddy is inviting the Dragon Master, and his students to the Forbidden City.
And he asked you to mail it? Oh, sweetie, don't take it personally.
I'm the one who's been asking for more responsibility.
I am tired of just being gorgeous.
I want to be more like you.
Getting my hands dirty.
I mean of course, I'll wear gloves.
I'm not lucky enough to have scaly hands like you.
Oh, darn, my delicately soft fur! May I see the letter? The Emperor wants Dragon Master Po to investigate the drought.
Well, this is important.
I'll mail it personally.
You are a dear, but daddy was pretty clear.
He wants me to mail it.
Of course.
You will find the mail carriers beside the stable.
Make sure to put it on the corporate account.
You're the best! That's very sweet of you.
[HISSING.]
DARK SHADOW: I presume you come bearing good news, Shi Long? Everything is in order.
But there has been a minor hiccup.
Emperor Kang Zi has called upon the Dragon Master and his students to look into our "drought".
DARK SHADOW: Well, that is a much unwelcome surprise, for them! [LAUGHING MANIACALLY.]
[MR.
PING LAUGHING.]
I love banners! ZANG: Comin' through! Aw, come on! I need to see Master Po and the Four Constellations! It's urgent! What is it, Zang? There you are.
[PANTING.]
I come with a letter.
Hey, check out this place! Swanky! You know, I bet you could eat in the toilet and not feel that weird about it here.
That's a scroll from the Emperor's palace! The Emperor requests our presence in the Forbidden City for a secret mission! The flippin' Emperor's Palace! I'm freaking out! [LAUGHING.]
No way! Emperor Kang Zi? This is huge! Like, like huger than huge! I'm freaking out, too! Weren't you just going on about how we should focus on the small things instead of the big exciting ones? Yeah, but that was before we got an invitation to help the Emperor.
I remember when I first met the Emperor.
It was so amazing! He probably read my book.
Wants to get in on some "Bao" action.
Who cares about your stupid self-published book? The Emperor wants our help! That's the hero life, baby! [EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY.]
Somebody pinch me! About time we get to do something cool! What does one wear to the Imperial Palace? Do I need to wear shoes? A shirt that fits? Do we own other shirts? Holy underpants, I'm so nervous and excited at the same time! Guys, this is big! Wow, I'm an even better teacher than I thought.
[SNORING.]
[GASPS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[COUGHING AND GROANING.]
Master Oogway! Makin' it a little difficult to get to the Spirit Realm these days.
Keepin' me on my toes.
So, what's up? Ah, nice to see you too, old friend.
[PO SCREAMING.]
It seems your students have grown quite confident since they helped defeat Jindiao.
Yeah, totally! And with good reason! They're awesome, I'm awesome, everybody's awesome! I just hope you don't lose sight of what's truly important in this world, Po.
Your students still have much to learn.
And even greater dangers lie ahead.
Yeah, totally, those dangers are gonna be so great! Wait, what? And he's gone.
Oh, this is not good.
- [THUNDER RUMBLING.]
- [LAUGHING MANIACALLY.]
Really not good! Nothing could make this worse! Aw, man! Kids! What are you doing in my nightmare? NU HAI: It's okay, Master Po! We've got this! Kids! Guys! Where are you? [GROANING.]
Huh? [BOTH GROANING.]
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GROANING.]
[KIDS SCREAMING.]
Kids! No! Please! Oh, no, no, not the kids! Son! We're here! Are you okay? [GASPING AND PANTING.]
Hey, Dads.
I'm okay.
Just a really, really bad nightmare.
Um, you broke my door.
Um Son, a door is replaceable.
A mere piece of wood carved from a tree.
But a child.
A child of my blood [GROANING.]
Right.
Anyway So, the nightmare, was that turtle guy in there again? Bingo, and the kids too.
I'm feelin' a little freaked out, I'm not ashamed to admit.
Here, sniff this rosemary, it helps on nights where I feel the regret begin to build.
[SOBBING.]
I think there's something coming that they may not be ready for.
Your students are going to be fine.
Heck, son.
They defeated Jindiao.
I mean, what could possibly be worse? That's what I'm afraid of.
[CRYING.]
There, there, Xiao.
Ugh.
Please, child.
I miss him so much! [CRYING HYSTERICALLY.]
Your father, he, um, he will be with you forever, you know, in your dreams.
I just I can't believe he's gone.
I never never saw it coming! [CRYING HYSTERICALLY.]
None of us could have, Xiao.
It was an absolute shock to us all.
I'm so glad I have you, Shi Long.
So glad.
Is your skin normally this rough or is that eczema? You must know, there are a great deal of pressures that accompany the throne, Exalted One.
Yes.
The fate of China is literally in my hands.
I understand if it's all just too much for you, child.
The Emperor's crown, Your Majesty.
- Not now, she isn't - Thank you.
Oh, Daddy.
Your head was so big.
I think you're going to be a wonderful ruler, Empress Xiao.
May you rule for decades to come.
BAO: This is what I'm talking about.
Sending us off with a biggity bang! Hey! Not so much, Li! I'm trying not to make it so obvious we're low on ingredients! Nobody will notice, I skimp people all the time.
Who wants to see me eat some dumplings? [ALL CHEERING.]
Now who would enjoy watching me eat some? [GIGGLING.]
[SIGHS.]
We won't be gone long, but while we're trekking to the old Forbidden City we're entrusting you guys to look out for the Wellspring.
You have our word, son.
We are trained Panda Warriors, and have grown so, so much as a village.
[SCREAMING.]
My babies! Has anyone seen my fourteen babies? [BANG.]
[ALL GASPING.]
PANDA MOTHER: Oh, found 'em.
I just hope this town is ready for whatever's next.
Panda Village isn't a secret anymore and I have a feeling Jindiao isn't the last threat we're gonna face.
We've got you, Master Po.
You trained us for this.
- I - And we are warriors now.
You trained us for this.
And we are warriors now.
- You trained us - Not making me feel better.
Enjoy your vacation, Son.
I'll try.
PO: Guys, I am so stoked for you, seriously.
We're trekking across China to meet the Emperor! This is mega sweet! I sense a "but" coming? Yep, there's definitely a big old "but" on its way.
Hit us with that teachable moment, sir.
Aw, man, we don't need more teachable moments! We're Bao, featuring the New Four Constellations! [GROANS.]
Guys, we might all be super chi'ed up and awesome sauce, but the second we think we have nothing left to learn we could find ourselves in over our heads.
I want you always looking over your shoulders.
A storm can approach faster than you might think.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
[MUNCHING.]
[BOTH GASPING.]
State your business, giant spider.
It's me, Zhizhu, friend to Pandas for over a thousand years? Protector of the Ancient Chi Wellspring? All around bon vivant? Hey, Zhizhu, sorry.
We just have to ask visitors that stuff now.
Remember, that whole Jindiao thing.
Also, gonna have to ask you to put your shoes in the basket.
Mm, I don't wear shoes.
His story checks out.
How can we help? I need to speak to Po and the Four Constellations.
It is critical.
No can do.
They're all on an important mission to the Forbidden City.
Well, then you'll have to take me to the Mayor.
There's been a disturbance in the tunnels beneath the village and I fear it's growing worse.
Are you sure you want to see the catacombs beneath the palace? Of course not.
It smells like a demon's outhouse down there.
But I want to see the place where daddy will be laid to rest.
[GASPS.]
What are these things? Terra Cotta Warriors.
It is custom that they are laid to rest with royalty.
But why would my father need a bunch of clay soldiers down there with him? To protect him.
In the afterlife.
[GASPS.]
They look like those statues you put chia seeds in that grow grass hair.
[SHI LONG SHOUTING.]
Be careful with that! I just don't want anything, or anyone, to disrupt the Emperor's infinite slumber.
Oh, thank you.
I am so lucky to have you, Shi Long.
You're not just protecting my father in the afterlife, you're protecting me in the before the afterlife.
I'll always be here for you, Empress Xiao.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]