Life with Boys (2011) s01e14 Episode Script

Previously on Life With Boys.
Tess, stop it, you're gonna hurt him! That's the point! But, you can't! Why not? He's my boyfriend.
What?! Look, Bobby is a jerk and you deserve better.
I should be dating you.
What now? I'll stop when you admit you that you like me.
I don't! You do and I can prove it! Let me kiss you.
Okay.
Tess! How could you do this to me? Come on, Allie.
I texted you, I emailed you, I even tried to Facebook you, but you unfriended me before I could send you a virtual cookie basket, featuring an assortment of your favourite virtual cookies! No virtual nuts.
Ah, nuts.
Look, a real cookie.
See the two happy girls on it? That's us.
Whew.
Good thing I didn't bring the puppy.
I'm sorry it had to come to this, but if you don't talk to me, your Science book gets it.
Aw, come on, that was cute! We need to talk.
And I need to twinkle.
You mean, "tinkle"? Not the way I do it.
Fine.
The quicker I get through my business, the quicker you get to yours.
Look, Allie, I know you're mad and I totally get it.
So, if you don't want me to date Bobby, that's it, he and I are done.
Finished.
Over.
Really? Of course.
Nothing means more to me than our friendship.
Nothing.
Really-really? Absolutely.
Thank you.
I mean, the only way I'd ever consider going out with him would be is if you, being the wonderful person you are, took the high road and told me that since you and Bobby clearly weren't meant for each other, then you, Allie, would give me, your best friend, your blessing, as I would you, my best friend, if roles were reversed.
Short of that, cut the cord, pull the plug, Bobby is dead to me.
Good.
Good, what? Good I can date him, or good I can't? Good you can't.
Good! You heard the whole "high road" thing, right? Yep.
Just makin' sure.
Dead to me.
Matter of fact, I'm gonna call him right now, drop kick his butt right out of my life.
Bobby? All right, here it is.
Not what you wanna hear, but that's the way it goes.
We're gonna have to date in secret.
Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life Okay, drinks are up for Milo, Doyle and Jerkface.
Um, which one is for Jerkface? Oh, never mind, I see you wrote it on the cup.
Enjoy.
Look, I'm really sor Don't even.
Okay.
Jerkface.
It's kid slang.
Means I'm awesome.
It's a generational thing.
This place is ruined for me.
I cannot come here anymore.
I'm gonna have to go to The Blend East.
That's where the Pineview kids go.
I don't have any friends there.
Oh, come on, don't be stupid.
You don't have any friends here.
I'm kidding.
Now relax and drink your smoothie, Jugface.
It's "Jerkface"! Seriously, you're gonna argue about this? Thanks for the support.
Look, Sammy, what do you want me to say? I love you and everything but you blew it.
Admit it, accept it and move on.
Easy for you to say.
You never blow it.
Well, that's a good point.
I actually don't know what you should do.
My big brother.
My guiding light.
Sam, bottom line: you're a good guy and she's just not worth it.
Really? Absolutely.
Thanks.
Come on.
Gabe, I'll call you later about Friday night.
Cool, babe.
What? What happened to "She's just not worth it"? She's not.
For you.
Hey, normal guy code is next man has to wait 12 hours.
I waited 24 because you're my brother and I care.
I really think that the words you should be saying are "thank you".
Gabriel Foster, if you go out with her on Friday night, you and I are done.
Fine.
Hey, Emma, let's make it Saturday.
Sure.
Happy now? You are dead to me.
Thank you for calling the Blend East, home of the new ginseng smoothie with complimentary vita-boost for that extra shot of wow.
Excuse me, is this seat taken? Um, yeah, I'm waiting for someone.
We're all waiting for someone, dear.
I am waiting for the angel of death.
I'm sorry, but you're still not getting the seat.
Usually works.
Yeah, hang on, let me check.
I have a Becky Jo's mom on the line.
A Becky Jo from Westfield High.
Uh, no, she's not here.
Well, shoot, is there anybody there from Westfield High? Sure would appreciate you checking again, suga.
Ma'am, I already checked and Check again! Darlin'.
Is there anyone here from Westfield High? Anybody at all? Westfield High.
Waddya know, still nobody.
Much obliged, Son.
Okay.
Hi.
Hi.
Wow, cool necklace.
Thanks.
You too.
I mean, if you had a necklace, I'm sure it would be cool too.
Um, thank you? You're welcome.
I was starting to think you weren't gonna come.
Why? I thought you might be nervous about someone from your school seeing you.
We're not even in my neighbourhood.
I mean, sure, I don't want Allie to catch us, but I am not paranoid or anything.
Order for Allie! Look! It is "Ali".
Sorry.
I've been coming here for five years now.
Just get it right.
Okay, maybe I'm a little paranoid.
Look, I know how you feel, but I'm nervous too.
You are? No, not really.
But the ladies on The View say that girls like that sensitive stuff.
The View? Okay, we have one TV and my grandma lives with us.
Okay.
I'll forget about The View if you forget about the whole necklace thing.
Deal.
Good.
They said a girl couldn't survive in the rough and tumble world of paper football.
Yet here she is, with no time left and the Blend East Title riding on her injured pointer finger.
Will the paper cut affect the kick? And it's good! And there's a flag on the play! That finger was clearly offsides.
You know, the ladies on The View also say girls like boys who are secure enough to lose gracefully.
Oh, this just in: the booth review says it was good, congratulations.
This is fun.
Yeah.
I don't know why I was so nervous.
I mean, it's not like Allie's ever gonna know we were here.
Hey.
Hide me! Was that Emily Osment? No.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Okay, fine, I am.
Now, uh, will you please just hide me and, um, I'll get you tickets to my concert.
Wait, with parking? My dad says that's how they get ya.
Sure.
Oh, what about the after party? Well, why don't we just have a sleep over? Oh, can we? No! Now hide me, come on! Emily! Emily! Emily? Really? Like we don't know you're behind the couch.
Okay, fine, just one picture.
No, no, no, no.
I can't be in This is horrible.
Tell me about it.
Your head looks way too big for your body.
Hi-hi.
Hi-i-i-i, you! What are you doing here? Now, in our home, so unexpectedly? Not that I'm not delighted to see you.
I mean, what a treat! Wow, I'm eight and even I could tell something's going on.
What's going on? Nothing.
What's behind your back? Poop! It's poop! Walter's poop! You weren't specific and I didn't want her to think it was my poop.
Ew! Gross! This is why I taught my cat to use the toilet.
You can do that? Mm-hm.
Cool! Come on, Walter, we've got some work to do.
And so do I.
Removing this disgusting thing from your presence.
Stay here.
All gone.
Hey, why'd you throw this out? It's got a beautiful picture of you "You-kranian" tennis star Milosh Schlemosa-vich-ski, covered in poop.
Join me now as I throw it out! He's still confused about what goes in what coloured bin.
I am? Allie doesn't know I'm still dating Bobby.
Picture, paper, do the math.
Evidence in trash, problem solved.
Tess, honey, hiding the paper like this isn't gonna work.
She's gonna find out.
Why, because she reads the newspaper all the time? This just in from the 21st century, Dad: we get our news off something called "the internet".
It's free and doesn't kill trees.
But, Tessie, the thing is No buts! She's never gonna find out unless someone shoves an entire stack of newspapers under her nose.
Yeah, that's Hey, Dad, I got those newspapers you wanted.
Ah! You know, your life would be so much easier if just once you'd let me finish talking.
Now, Tess Not now! What are you screaming about? Coupons.
Valuable meat coupons.
We're gonna save a fortune on ground chuck.
I thought I got these because there was a picture of you Kranian tennis star Milosh Schlemos-sko-vich-ski.
Now I can finally start that cute, Eastern European tennis player collage I've been talking about.
You never said anything about a cute You don't listen! I'm a little hurt.
But I'll get over it.
Now, why don't you go upstairs, and I'm gonna put these in the arts and crafts shed.
You don't have an arts and crafts shed.
Yes we do! I told you last week.
Allie, this listening thing is becoming a real issue.
Now, go on.
Scoot.
I'll explain later.
There, done.
Crisis over.
But I was going to send those out to the family.
Fine.
Here's me with the same stupid expression.
Tell Grandma I say "hi".
You got away with it this time, but sooner or later, she's going to figure it out.
You're probably right, Dad.
But I'm hoping by then, she's married, maybe has a few kids.
She won't have time to be mad at me.
And I don't have to tell you how kids drain the life out of ya.
Tessie, I think you know what you should do.
Oh, sure.
Go ahead, eat my favourite cereal.
Why not, you steal everything else I like.
Get over it.
I hate you! And wind up fighting like that? No, thank you.
They're so cute when they're sleeping.
And then they wake up.
Milosh Schlemosa-what-avitch? Hey, I had to make it impossible to spell, otherwise she would've tried to Google him.
She can't even say anything over three syllables without totally falling apart.
The point is, she doesn't suspect a thing and life is good.
Really good.
Excuse me.
Yes, today is good.
But one day, your friend is going to catch you and you're going to be in deep doo-doo.
What? I said, may I borrow that paper, I would like to do the Sudoku.
Um, sure.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Pardon me.
But how can you be fine when you're betraying your best friend this way? What? I said, quit hogging the seat.
Are you gonna be here all day? I don't know.
Well, you take your time.
I'll go back to my hard wooden chair and listen to my spine turning to dust.
Okay, okay, that's enough.
Is there anybody else in here who plans on interrupting us? Good.
Tess! Allie?! You lied to me! I should've known when you made up that stupid Milosh Schlemoska Ski Ber Geech Gotch Gooch.
Wow, you were right.
She totally fell apart.
Oh, man.
Bobby, hi, I'm really sorry to wake you but I can't do this to Allie, so I have to break up with you.
Okay, sleep well.
Night-night.
What're you guys doing? What does it look like were doing? We're rocking Budokan! Sam, I thought you hated him.
I did.
Now I don't.
Do you mind? We're working.
Whoo! Goodnight, Japan! We love you! Domo arigato! Spicy tuna roll! I'm gonna grab a water, you want one? Yeah, thanks, dude.
I don't get it.
How can you be all When, 12 hours ago, he was brushing Walters teeth with your toothbrush? Okay, first of all, that was my decoy toothbrush.
He may be smarter than me, but he's predictable.
So, what happened? Did you say you wouldn't date Emma? Sorry, I thought I heard you incorrectly.
Did you say "wouldn't date Emma?" Why would I do that? She's a babe, he blew it, and she's a babe.
Not dating her would go against everything I stand for.
And let's face it, be very cruel to her.
But, what about Sam? You heard him.
He got over it.
But why? Because we're brothers.
Look, girls are gonna come and go.
For him, mostly go.
But us, we're, you know, forever.
Forever.
Thanks.
Hey, you're welcome.
What was that about? No idea.
This is nice, isn't it? You and me, sitting together, so close, not just friends, more like sisters, which we will be, forever.
She said this top coat would last a whole week, but look at this.
Allie, I'm trying to tell you something important.
Oh, sorry.
Go ahead.
This is nice, isn't it? You and me, sitting together, so close, not just What are you looking at? It's just, I paid extra for the paraffin wax! I'm trying to tell you, we're not just friends, we're sisters.
Forever.
Aww, that's really sweet.
Thank you.
And it's true.
Boys may come and go, but you and me, we're for-ever.
Yup.
Besties forever.
And that's why what I'm about say is going to be difficult and painful, and you might hate me for a little bit, or even a long bit, but in the big picture, it's just a bit.
A bit we will get past and move forward to happier bits in the grand scheme of what I like to call "life" Bits.
You can date Bobby.
I'm gonna date What now? You can date Bobby.
But that's not what you said two days ago.
What changed? What changed is that it's not two days ago.
I had time to think Yes, I do think.
And well, there are gonna be some guys who like you more than me.
Not a lot, but some, at least one guy who will definitely What's your point? Well, if you won't get mad when guys go for me over you, which I think we both know is gonna happen a lot more often then when boys Still waiting on the point.
The point is, you and Bobby are really cute together, so I guess I can let you have this one.
Seeing as how we're sisters and all.
Aww.
Thanks, Allie.
You're welcome.
So when are you going to see him again? That reminds me.
Really? You thought I broke up with you last night? That is so weird! Must've been a dream.
A wacky, wacky dream.
It's in your call history? Did I tell you my family has a history of dream-dialling?