Melrose Place (2009) s01e14 Episode Script
Stoner Canyon
While we are still seeing straight and enunciating our vowels.
Speak for yourself.
We want you to know that we could not be more proud of you.
- Thank you.
- Everyone please raise a glass To my friend Jonah Miller, Who just sold his first screenplay! They say there's no heart left in Hollywood.
But i say it's because it's all stuffed into this guy.
If I win an Oscar, I'm going to remember to thank you guys.
I sure hope that you've been thinking about a lot more Than just your acceptance speech.
You big Hollywood screenwriter, What's next? We are going to land the perfect actor for the lead role.
Owen Anderson.
That's assuming he's even going to read the script.
Stranger things have happened.
Auggie riding off into the sunset with violet? Never underestimate the power of a full moon.
Crap.
I got to take this.
No shots without me.
I'll be back.
My pumpkin carriage has arrived.
- Why? - Because in 20 minutes My glass slippers turn into hospital booties.
Can't you go one night without saving lives? And tonight, promise me they're neither of yours, yes? I really appreciate you coming here and waving the white flag.
Whatever happened between you and riley stays there, okay? - She knows you're still my friend.
- Thank you.
Geez louise.
Am i, in this crazy breakup fog, or are you guys getting serious? I don't know, but whatever it is i really don't want to screw it up.
How you holding up, huh? I know you always imagined this night with one more on the guest list, though.
If riley were here, she'd probably make some Amazing heartfelt toast.
Assuming she'd actually even be talking to me.
Ella's talking to you, so Why don't you just sit back and enjoy the ride? Okay, look, i have to say Ella's hot.
And she's fun.
I always just gravitate to girls with, like, Strong moral compasses.
But ella's I don't hers doesn't even have a needle.
Maybe it's not meant to be.
To moving forward.
- What is going on here? - Brian jonston, 35.
- Recovering from coronary bypass.
- I know.
He's my patient.
He had a minor skin infection after the surgery.
So you treated it with penicillin? He's having an anaphylactic reaction.
He's allergic.
It says so here on his chart.
Is everything all right? It's fine.
Give him ten cc's of cipro.
Check him every 15 minutes.
I appreciate what you did in there.
Smart move.
Look, it's none of my business, But after everything that's happened, do you think it might be a good idea - If you take some time off to recharge? - No, i'm fine.
- It was simple oversight.
- Dr.
Mancini, with all due respect, Your patient almost died.
The last thing i need right now is a lecture from one of my students.
Now that was one mistake and no one needs to know about it.
Is that understood? You're a filmmaker, not a rock star.
Wake up.
- Where am i? - Last night, while you and david Were on your 12th tequila shot, and licking salt Off strange women, i Was working my butt off.
I'm on the cover of variety and the hollywood reporter? El, people, like, subscribe to these magazines.
Even deadline hollywood gave you a shout out.
Nice work.
Nikki finke was only mildly sarcastic.
- How did you pull this off? - What do you think i'm doing On my blackberry all day, playing frogger? No, this is my job.
Thank you, ella.
You are incredible.
Beyond incredible actually.
Especially now that i scored you a meeting - With owen anderson.
A-List actor.
- Are you kidding? No.
He read your script.
He wants to ask you some questions.
How? I didn't even think heller was sending it out yet.
He's not.
But i happen to know that owen was going to fiji He's to shoot his new comedy tomorrow, So i might have slipped it to him last week.
Who's up for some roscoe's chicken and waffles? No one.
Jonah needs to shower, Change and gargle a vat of listerine Before his meeting with owen anderson.
You do realize you're setting up Your star client with someone who couldn't even make it up the stairs? So? Just saying.
Jonah's on the cover of variety.
Congratulations.
Was that awkward for anyone else? So not the cure to my hangover.
That is the new guy that moved into auggie's place.
We traded zen chef for a poor man's van halen.
Tell him to stop.
You go get him, lor.
You do not bother that girl when she's trying to sleep in.
Excuse me! Hi! - Want to make a request? - Yeah, shut up! Half of west hollywood's trying to sleep.
Crap, i'm sorry.
I didn't know my speaker was on.
I hate when that happens.
Plus, had i known everybody was listening, I for sure would have played clapton.
I don't know who you are, or which tour bus you fell off, But i get to sleep in one day a year.
- And today was that day.
- Do you always wake up this cranky? Look, from now on, Can you please just have a modicum of respect for this courtyard? Thank you.
See you at the pool.
She seemed nice.
Come in.
I only have a few minutes, - So make it quick.
- Thanks again for meeting with me.
You look nice.
It's a far cry from smocks and sandals.
- Have you been interviewing with schools? - That's actually why i'm here.
This late in the year, none of the schools are hiring.
But while i was researching, i found out that Ziggurat software has one of the most progressive Education foundations in the country.
I thought, since you're dating the ceo You want me to introduce you to ben.
I hope i'm not overstepping boundaries.
But do you think he might be interested in hearing some of my ideas? Sweetheart, aren't you a first grade school teacher? I don't think ben needs a lot of help with his abc's.
Obviously not.
But i'd like to think that some of the programs i started At 34th street school made a difference in a few lives.
I think that ben might like As impressive as it sounds, I just don't think that you have the qualifications Of someone that ben would typically hire.
Maybe not.
But can't he at least be the one to decide that? Fine.
If he has the time, i'll give his assistant your number.
Thank you.
But do me a favor.
Don't get your hopes up, okay? Please tell me you've heard from the sec About my sociopathic financial advisor.
It's not good news, amanda.
There's no way to recover your losses.
What are you talking about? That bastard stole $15 million.
It's got to be somewhere.
It was, but he spent it.
All of it.
You're broke, amanda.
And if you keep borrowing against wpk's assets, Your business will collapse And take you right down with it.
That'll be all.
I've heard of vip passes to meet a-Listers, I've never heard of having to pass a height requirement.
Owen's pretty much a gigantic toddler.
He comes here whenever he's in town.
Look who it is.
Cruella simms.
My pocket-Sized publicist.
You are such a badass.
Put me down now.
Please.
And you, you must be jonah.
How are you? Writer of one of the most bitchin' scripts i've ever read.
Thank you.
I laughed out loud all night.
Incredible.
"Schools for educational evolution and development.
" That's catchy.
They're called seed schools for kids in l.
A.
'S dangerous and underserviced districts.
Privately funded boarding schools.
That's like a lost lyric from a john lennon song.
I guess you could say i'm kind of an idealist.
Good.
We need more of you young visionaries.
People who have at least set foot in a classroom in the last decade or so.
I swear, i'm still dealing with people Who think a tweeis a birdcall.
Oh, my goodness.
I am late.
Big segway polo match.
Wozniack has been trying to take our title all year long.
Okay, so you'll just let me know about my idea? Or i could just tell you i love it right now, And i want to fund your project.
Are you serious? You may not be the most experienced person i've ever thought of hiring, But your presentation rocked, And i didn't get where i am today by not taking chances.
The man's on fire.
Yeah.
Man, i got to tell you, my favorite part, the part where Jacob ends up in the sauna with rachel's dad Nothing funnier than man boobs, right? One of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.
That actually happened to you? Jonah based his script on his life.
Dude, no wonder i frickin' loved it so much.
The story's real? You didn't know it was except for a few creative liberties, All real unfortunately.
Like jacob's love interest- Much funnier in the movie.
What do you mean? I think riley's funny.
Wait, oh, so riley is rachel, right? Jacob's muse? Where is she? I would love to meet that girl.
You know, just for research.
Just one little problem No, there's no problem.
You can call her.
Call her? Could you give us, like, one quick second? I'll see you at the next hole.
Be right there.
There is absolutely no way i'm calling riley To reminisce about a relationship that just completely blew up.
Owen likes the dynamic in the script.
What if he senses, like, the major tension between us? No, he won't, okay? Riley can play nice for one day.
That's it.
All right? You might have broken up, but she is a good person with a gigantic heart.
She is gonna do this.
That transfer from johns hopkins, he's waiting for you at reception.
- Excuse me? - The dean wanted you to show him the ropes.
Been in that position.
Might as well pay it forward.
You're mansfer from johns hopkins? You actually inspire people to stay alive? - Are you stalking me? - Don't flatter yourself.
I got the apartment listing from the admin bulletin board.
So if you're going to be mad, be mad at whoever posted it.
That would have been me.
- Come on.
- How about we start over.
Drew pragin.
Let's hope you're better at playing doctor Than you are at playing guitar.
I'm actually very good.
Still don't know your name.
Lauren yung, third year.
This is alice redding, 75.
She's suffered from an abdominal aortic aneurysm.
Not big on small talk, hmm? She's recovering from an endovascular stent graft.
Her bp's being monitored constantly.
- I figured out why you don't like me.
- Not liking you would presuppose - Actually having thought about you.
- You don't think i'm serious enough.
Let me guess You were the only sophomore in your ap bio class, am right? I can see you now With your braces and your knee-Highs.
Taking a scalpel to your very first fetal pig.
It's kind of adorable.
Call me "adorable" again.
You'll see what i can do with a scalpel.
Yes, or no.
Your idea of a movie night is sneaking popcorn Into the surgery observation deck.
Right, 'cause heaven forbid i should take my job seriously.
When was the last time you laughed? I'm not here to laugh.
Look, i'm not going to heal mrs.
Redding heart By putting on a clown nose and telling knock-Knock jokes.
Maybe not, but it's not going to kill her to make her smile either.
- Come on.
- From vanessa mancini? [Vanessa.]
"david, if you're reading this, it means i'm gone, And michael needs to know the truth about the night you and i spent together.
Shortly after noah was born, i ran a paternity test.
Michael's not noah's father, david.
You are.
Vanessa.
" [Vanessa ending.]
.
Somebody order delivery? Glass walls.
What am i thinking? That maybe we could teach the bullpen a trick or two? I'd love to, but i'm starving.
Nice unicorn band-Aid.
Yeah, courtesy of riley richmond.
- Did she bite you? - Just a paper cut.
Thanks for taking the meeting.
I hope it didn't waste too much of your time.
No, actually, i hired her.
You're kidding me.
No.
She has this dream Of building boarding schools in the inner city.
Honey, everybody has dreams, but i think her only real experience Is with united shoes and finger paint.
Well, my team needs a fresh, young perspective.
And so she's the perfect fit.
Happy to hear it.
But you didn't trek moo shu pork through the beverly hills lunch rush To talk about riley richmond, did you? Riley who? Exactly.
I'd like to make a payment into my account please.
$1,500.
According to the university records, you're all paid up.
I wish.
Seriously.
Zero balance.
I checked online yesterday And i still had an outstanding balance of $16,000.
Says there was a payment in that amount made this morning.
Either our office made a huge mistake Or you've got yourself a guardian angel with some deep pockets.
Right.
Thank you.
I'm on my way out.
I've just come from the bursar's office And someone made an anonymous donation to my tuition.
Congratulations.
You didn't have to do that.
You think i paid off one of my student's tuition? You're good, but you're not that good.
Dr.
Mancini, i-I'm serious.
I can't take your money.
It wasn't mine.
But since the bill's already been paid, Then there's really nothing you can do about it, is there? - Who? - New transfer from johns hopkins.
Fellow member of aoa.
Huge fan.
Means nothing to me.
Welcome to ula.
I'm glad you think it's funny.
- What is it? - Can you hear me? Where are you? I'm at the malibu speed zone right now, With this really random question for you.
Yeah, what? Owen anderson he, uh, he really wants to meet you.
- The actor? - I know, it's crazy, right? I'm meeting him here today for living in reverse, And he's like, "hey, man, i'd love to meet riley Just, you know, to see what inspired you to create these characters.
" So you want me to act like everything's good between us? I know i'm the last person you want to be around right now.
I get that.
It's just the five incredibly happy years we spent together - That is what this movie's about.
- I know.
Do you think i can relieve all those memories without Going through the emotions that went along with them? Why would i want to put myself through that? I know, i know.
I'm an idiot.
I don't know why.
It's the most ridiculous thing i could have asked you to do.
I just i'm so caught up in the moment right now, And i'm still on this high from selling my script.
And i am sitting here sharing my life with owen freaking anderson.
I mean, who wouldn't be.
You wrote it with him in mind.
I know, and now he's like, "hey, man, just call riley.
" I'm like, sure, jump off a cliff- Okay, no problem.
Aw, i wasn't thinking.
This was not really fair of me to ask you.
I'm sorry.
Do not disturb.
Read the sign.
It's david come on, dad, open the door.
- What the hell do you want? - I don't want to fight.
- Where's noah? - With vanessa's sister.
He'll be at the house until i'm off probation.
- Isn't this your bat signal? - Whoever it's for They'll probably live longer without my help.
How many of these have you had to drink? What are you, my father now? Come on, dad.
You can't hide in here forever.
Vanessa killed sydney.
It's not your fault.
Vanessa found out about my affair.
I did everything but put the knife in her hand.
I have Destroyed everything that's ever come into my life.
Every marriage, every second chance.
Even my relationship with you.
And now the only thing i have left is noah.
And i can't look at him without knowing That i'm the reason he'll grow up without a mother.
Dad, there's something you need to know about noah.
Before you and vanessa ever met She and i got together.
- What are you talking about? - It was at that racquetball tournament.
She was new in town.
You guys didn't even know each other.
Why are you telling me this? Noah's not your son, dad.
He's mine.
I know it's a lot to process.
I'm just as surprised as you are.
Get out.
I have no intention of taking him from you.
I just want to be able to spend as much time as i can with him.
You will never get close to my child.
You will not talk to him.
You will not write to him.
As far as he's concerned, you don't exist.
I'm not just going to disappear.
You don't trust your minions to do that for you? No big deal.
Just bumped into a file cabinet.
Everything okay with you? It's my heart.
You actually have one? It's been, um beating irregularly.
This morning i thought i was having a heart attack.
Grab a seat.
Your heart sounds fine.
Any other symptoms? Shortness of breath, dizziness, - Sweating? - All of the above.
Why? Are you experiencing a lot of stress lately? I want you to think.
Work, family problems, relationships? No more than anyone else.
The truth, amanda.
That is the truth.
I mean, wpk is doing well.
And ben is wonderful.
Sounds like you're having panic attacks.
Panic attacks? That's ridiculous.
My-My life is perfect.
It's better than perfect.
I'm writing you a prescription for sertraline.
- I don't need - Please, No arguing.
Now if you don't start feeling better immediately, I want you to call me.
Thank you, michael.
And i'd appreciate keeping this between us.
I'll add it to the list.
You're here? You actually came.
Thank you.
I'm not here for you.
I'm here for jonah.
Where is he? Owen dragged on the racetrack for a playdate.
Can we just get this over with? Of course.
So you being here right now is that selfish thing That attracted jacob to rachel.
It's what made you supercouple all those years And exactly what owen needs to hear about.
If you two can keep things positive, There is a good chance we can cast an a-Lister for the part.
Hi.
I'm riley.
Jonah never said that you were a goddess.
Man, i feel like i totally know you.
Tell me everything there is to learn about The loveable jacob and rachel.
So, first time we meet, at a halloween party, And we're both waiting in line for the bathroom.
And jonah was darth vader - And i was this 600-Pound sumo wrestler.
- Sumo wrestler.
Huge.
Did you actually get stuck in that doorway? Oh, my god, yeah.
Not stuck wedged.
I'm talking bust out the crisco, major emergency.
Yeah, and meanwhile, there's this long line Of drunk frat boys waiting to use the bathroom, And there i am in this ridiculous costume, - Like, totally blocking the door.
- She's, like So i just.
I holster my lightsaber, I grab this big sumo belt And just start yanking as hard as i could.
Oh, a-And she you fell yes, yeah, that's right.
Oh, and say what you said, say what you said.
I can't breathe.
That's classic, man, it's so funny, i love that.
So sweet.
Irony is i was actually planning on being a pirate, but Saw the sumo outfit and changed my mind at the last second.
No way.
Wait, so you guys almost didn't even meet? Dude, why didn't you put that in the script? Characters that change their mind that's way too confusing For the audience, so i wanted to keep it simple and clean.
I don't think it's that unrealistic For rachel to hesitate before committing Her entire night to some enormous, Suffocating costume.
Why don't we talk about the graduation scene that happens in act two? Actually, you know, i kind of want to feel out this vibe right here.
What, this? This is nothing.
Riley just has this teeny bad habit Of changing her mind.
He's referring to our engagement.
I didn't answer immediately, Then all hell broke loose, and we broke up.
Dude, splitsville? No way.
W-Where's that story? Look, they may have broken up, But that does not mean That they didn't share a storybook love story.
Storybook? You slept with him.
Whoa, what? Dude, Jacob and rachel's destinies Are cosmically intertwined, and you cheated on her? No, no, see, i didn't cheat on her Because riley and i had already ended things, So technically it was over.
And who was there waiting? The vulture in versace.
There's that sense of humor we were just talking about.
You know what? I'm done.
I'm sorry, owen.
I like your movies, but i don't need to be dragged through this.
Why don't i go talk to her? Perfect, that's really going to help patch things up here, ella.
I am so sorry about Why didn't you tell me that you guys broke up? Look, your story felt so real, And i-I wanted to Get to know these characters a little bit better.
But, honestly, now i just feel Confused.
Sorry, man.
Can you just come back here so we can straighten things out? If i had known you were behind this, I would have never come anywhere near here.
So you're just going to let jonah's career slip through his fingers? My god, how selfish are you? Oh, i'm selfish? You're the one who didn't even wait a day before roping him into bed.
Please, sweetheart, like it took convincing.
Honestly, i don't know what he sees in you.
I guess you massage someone's ego enough - And you eventually become attractive.
- Do you have any idea Why jonah and i started hanging out? Okay, he had an extra ticket to a coen brothers Film festival that you bailed on.
Like that wasn't the best day of your life.
He came to me, riley, Just like he did every other time you slammed the door in his face.
How delusional are you? Do you really think jonah finds comfort In some selfish home wrecker who hasn't committed To anything more than a pair of shoes in her entire life? You might be able to talk movies and get him meetings But you will never win over his heart.
Jonah's way too good for you.
You're going to destroy your auditory system by the time you're 30.
Sorry, what? Couldn't hear you.
You're an idiot, you know that? - Coming through.
- Get away from me.
- Found her wandering the streets.
- Leave me alone.
Seriously, this is so illegal.
Here we go.
What's your name, sweetheart? Why, so you can call my parents? I'm not a moron.
Honey, if we don't know what happened, - We can't help you.
- Good, i don't want your help.
- Just let me go.
- You need to calm down.
All of you people suck.
- Stop.
- Guys, Can i have a second here, please? Alone.
You, too.
- Are you serious? - This may be the one time i am.
All right, here's the thing.
I don't really care what happened, But if i don't write something down in your file, My boss freaks out, so if it's cool with you, I'm just going to fill this out with some fiction.
Fine by me.
Great.
- What are you writing? - Just that you crashed On your razor scooter.
My razor scooter? What, am i nine? At least say i was driving a car going 80.
That's good.
That's very good.
That's way better than mine.
And i'll say your car did what, like, a nasty flip off mulholland? No, i hit a giant tree On alpine, exploded both my airbags.
Tell me you were wearing a seat belt.
Yeah, and now my ribs kill.
I think i got everything i needed here, except for a name.
How about, dumbo? - Dumbo? - Is that two ms or one? Two, right? Just put my real name Caitlin rogers.
All right.
Not bad.
You should see me with animals.
Wendi, thank you for calling me back.
Your voice mail sounded urgent.
Is everything okay? Yeah, i'm-I'm good.
Actually, i'm really good.
I paid off my tuition, so i'm done.
- Oh, well, that's great, lauren.
- Thank you.
But aren't you forgettin something? I told you i never forget a debt.
- You owe me one last job.
- I'll just pay you back.
I've got $1,500.
Too late, i already booked you for tonight and i can't let this client down.
Wendi, i'm-I'm sure you can find another girl.
It's a busy night.
Everybody's taken.
I'm-I'm sorry, but i'm done.
I can't do this anymore.
Lauren, do i need to remind you what you have to lose? One phone call to the medical board And all this is for nothing.
Are you threatening me? Do i need to? One more.
Thank god.
I started to feel naked without this thing.
You know what i'm good at? Just taking something that's really amazing And then screwing it up completely.
God.
- When did i go wrong with all this? - When you started trusting me.
I should not have asked you to drag riley into a dog and pony show.
- This whole thing was a mistake.
- No, we both had to vent.
We just chose the worst possible venue ever.
No, i'm talking about us.
We are a mistake.
You and riley are cut from the same Snuggly, fuzzy cloth, and i'm Let's face it, i'm industrial-Strength sandpaper.
No, you guys have five years of fairy tale.
And what do i have, five years of one-Night engagements? I can kick open doors for your career all day long, But when it comes to actually opening myself up And letting somebody in, it's it's an entirely different story.
And yes, i am selfish, but It's just because i don't want to get hurt.
No, jonah, i'm serious.
Why do you think that i spend every last ounce Of energy that i have on my career Or why i'd rather be At a business meeting than a candlelit dinner? I'm not as tough as you think, okay? I can't handle having my heart broken.
I want to rewrite my script.
What? Owen totally responded to the authenticity, But there's one part that's just complete fiction The ending.
Can we call him right now? - Yeah, why? - I want to throw him a hail mary.
I'm gonna ask him to reconsider if i change the ending.
That all sounds really great, jonah, but you don't know how the story ends.
Actually I wanted to ask you if i could bounce some ideas off you.
Where did that skeleton come from? No clue, it was just sitting there.
- Scared the crap out of me.
- Mission accomplished.
She's a cautionary tale.
Don't call him over.
- He's really cute.
- I don't care, don't call him over.
Come join us.
- I hate you right now.
- What? Hey, drew, this is riley, one of your new neighbors.
This is drew, the thorn that's been in my side all day.
Welcome.
And for the record, Lauren plays tough, but she's a total softy at heart.
- Did you steal that from ula? - Sally sunburn? No, they were going to throw her away.
I thought she'd be a nice addition to the courtyard.
Who brought the skeleton? That would be me.
I'm drew.
- I live right above you.
- What happened? - It's just a scratch.
- Everything's okay? I'm gonna get a drink.
Now i have to add chef to your growing list of credentials? Hardly.
I'm guessing you're not interested - In joining us for a burger.
- I'd love to, but amanda would kill me If i got ketchup on the monkey suit.
No, we're headed off to venice - To a "save the something" fund-Raiser.
- You never stop working, do you? No, i do not, and neither will you if i use you the right way.
I'm taking the jet to d.
C.
I thought maybe we could check out that school in person.
You free tomorrow? Am i free to fly across the country In your private jet? Yeah, i just have to reschedule my lunch with madonna.
- Is she in town? - I'm kidding.
I don't know madonna.
Wait, do you? Congratulations, riley.
I understand you made quite an impression on my boyfriend.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Thanks again for making the introduction.
- My pleasure.
- Good night.
Resident hollywood power players.
How'd your meeting with owen anderson go? Actually just got off the phone with him.
He seems really interested in my ideas for a rewrite, As soon as i'm done he promised me we'll meet again.
- What does that mean? - Jonah's going to change the ending.
Turns out rachel and jacob don't make it after all.
- I'm sorry, work's pulling me back.
- Can i see that phone for a second? I just want to call your boss and ask him for a night alonwith my girlfriend.
I think the long hours are just about over, And then'm all yours.
All right, okay.
- I didn't get a page, but i should go.
- I'll probably get there And they won't even need me, so good-Bye.
Okay, well, at least let me walk you to the car.
Night.
You hate me and you, i don't know.
Great, i think i'm gonna call it a night.
So, drew, are you into cardiology like lauren? I transferred to ula for their hematology program.
Hematology, like blood? Why would anyone want to specialize in that? Well, if i tell you, you promise not to tell anybody else? I'm a vampire.
It was so much better in my head.
Yeah.
You going to get that? Oh, my god.
I've never seen you ignore a phone call.
There's a lot of things you haven't seen.
This is how my star student's been paying for med school.
It's not what it looks like.
I've never done anything like this before.
Interesting, because wendi told me You were one of her go-To girls.
I'm not going to say anything about this To anyone.
I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same.
It won't leave this room.
Thank you.
That doesn't mean i don't expect something in return.
- You don't actually want to - It's david.
If he hadn't interfered in my life, noah would still have a mother.
I don't understand what that has to do with me.
David needs to know what it feels like To have all the happiness in his life ripped away.
I want you to break his heart.
Whatever you have with him, end it.
- You can't be serious.
- You break it off with him, Or i tell the entire medical community That i got a house call from dr.
Lauren yung.
- Sync For [HDTV, XviD.]
XII By YesCool - Work for [HDTV, XviD.]
REPACK-NoTV too.
Speak for yourself.
We want you to know that we could not be more proud of you.
- Thank you.
- Everyone please raise a glass To my friend Jonah Miller, Who just sold his first screenplay! They say there's no heart left in Hollywood.
But i say it's because it's all stuffed into this guy.
If I win an Oscar, I'm going to remember to thank you guys.
I sure hope that you've been thinking about a lot more Than just your acceptance speech.
You big Hollywood screenwriter, What's next? We are going to land the perfect actor for the lead role.
Owen Anderson.
That's assuming he's even going to read the script.
Stranger things have happened.
Auggie riding off into the sunset with violet? Never underestimate the power of a full moon.
Crap.
I got to take this.
No shots without me.
I'll be back.
My pumpkin carriage has arrived.
- Why? - Because in 20 minutes My glass slippers turn into hospital booties.
Can't you go one night without saving lives? And tonight, promise me they're neither of yours, yes? I really appreciate you coming here and waving the white flag.
Whatever happened between you and riley stays there, okay? - She knows you're still my friend.
- Thank you.
Geez louise.
Am i, in this crazy breakup fog, or are you guys getting serious? I don't know, but whatever it is i really don't want to screw it up.
How you holding up, huh? I know you always imagined this night with one more on the guest list, though.
If riley were here, she'd probably make some Amazing heartfelt toast.
Assuming she'd actually even be talking to me.
Ella's talking to you, so Why don't you just sit back and enjoy the ride? Okay, look, i have to say Ella's hot.
And she's fun.
I always just gravitate to girls with, like, Strong moral compasses.
But ella's I don't hers doesn't even have a needle.
Maybe it's not meant to be.
To moving forward.
- What is going on here? - Brian jonston, 35.
- Recovering from coronary bypass.
- I know.
He's my patient.
He had a minor skin infection after the surgery.
So you treated it with penicillin? He's having an anaphylactic reaction.
He's allergic.
It says so here on his chart.
Is everything all right? It's fine.
Give him ten cc's of cipro.
Check him every 15 minutes.
I appreciate what you did in there.
Smart move.
Look, it's none of my business, But after everything that's happened, do you think it might be a good idea - If you take some time off to recharge? - No, i'm fine.
- It was simple oversight.
- Dr.
Mancini, with all due respect, Your patient almost died.
The last thing i need right now is a lecture from one of my students.
Now that was one mistake and no one needs to know about it.
Is that understood? You're a filmmaker, not a rock star.
Wake up.
- Where am i? - Last night, while you and david Were on your 12th tequila shot, and licking salt Off strange women, i Was working my butt off.
I'm on the cover of variety and the hollywood reporter? El, people, like, subscribe to these magazines.
Even deadline hollywood gave you a shout out.
Nice work.
Nikki finke was only mildly sarcastic.
- How did you pull this off? - What do you think i'm doing On my blackberry all day, playing frogger? No, this is my job.
Thank you, ella.
You are incredible.
Beyond incredible actually.
Especially now that i scored you a meeting - With owen anderson.
A-List actor.
- Are you kidding? No.
He read your script.
He wants to ask you some questions.
How? I didn't even think heller was sending it out yet.
He's not.
But i happen to know that owen was going to fiji He's to shoot his new comedy tomorrow, So i might have slipped it to him last week.
Who's up for some roscoe's chicken and waffles? No one.
Jonah needs to shower, Change and gargle a vat of listerine Before his meeting with owen anderson.
You do realize you're setting up Your star client with someone who couldn't even make it up the stairs? So? Just saying.
Jonah's on the cover of variety.
Congratulations.
Was that awkward for anyone else? So not the cure to my hangover.
That is the new guy that moved into auggie's place.
We traded zen chef for a poor man's van halen.
Tell him to stop.
You go get him, lor.
You do not bother that girl when she's trying to sleep in.
Excuse me! Hi! - Want to make a request? - Yeah, shut up! Half of west hollywood's trying to sleep.
Crap, i'm sorry.
I didn't know my speaker was on.
I hate when that happens.
Plus, had i known everybody was listening, I for sure would have played clapton.
I don't know who you are, or which tour bus you fell off, But i get to sleep in one day a year.
- And today was that day.
- Do you always wake up this cranky? Look, from now on, Can you please just have a modicum of respect for this courtyard? Thank you.
See you at the pool.
She seemed nice.
Come in.
I only have a few minutes, - So make it quick.
- Thanks again for meeting with me.
You look nice.
It's a far cry from smocks and sandals.
- Have you been interviewing with schools? - That's actually why i'm here.
This late in the year, none of the schools are hiring.
But while i was researching, i found out that Ziggurat software has one of the most progressive Education foundations in the country.
I thought, since you're dating the ceo You want me to introduce you to ben.
I hope i'm not overstepping boundaries.
But do you think he might be interested in hearing some of my ideas? Sweetheart, aren't you a first grade school teacher? I don't think ben needs a lot of help with his abc's.
Obviously not.
But i'd like to think that some of the programs i started At 34th street school made a difference in a few lives.
I think that ben might like As impressive as it sounds, I just don't think that you have the qualifications Of someone that ben would typically hire.
Maybe not.
But can't he at least be the one to decide that? Fine.
If he has the time, i'll give his assistant your number.
Thank you.
But do me a favor.
Don't get your hopes up, okay? Please tell me you've heard from the sec About my sociopathic financial advisor.
It's not good news, amanda.
There's no way to recover your losses.
What are you talking about? That bastard stole $15 million.
It's got to be somewhere.
It was, but he spent it.
All of it.
You're broke, amanda.
And if you keep borrowing against wpk's assets, Your business will collapse And take you right down with it.
That'll be all.
I've heard of vip passes to meet a-Listers, I've never heard of having to pass a height requirement.
Owen's pretty much a gigantic toddler.
He comes here whenever he's in town.
Look who it is.
Cruella simms.
My pocket-Sized publicist.
You are such a badass.
Put me down now.
Please.
And you, you must be jonah.
How are you? Writer of one of the most bitchin' scripts i've ever read.
Thank you.
I laughed out loud all night.
Incredible.
"Schools for educational evolution and development.
" That's catchy.
They're called seed schools for kids in l.
A.
'S dangerous and underserviced districts.
Privately funded boarding schools.
That's like a lost lyric from a john lennon song.
I guess you could say i'm kind of an idealist.
Good.
We need more of you young visionaries.
People who have at least set foot in a classroom in the last decade or so.
I swear, i'm still dealing with people Who think a tweeis a birdcall.
Oh, my goodness.
I am late.
Big segway polo match.
Wozniack has been trying to take our title all year long.
Okay, so you'll just let me know about my idea? Or i could just tell you i love it right now, And i want to fund your project.
Are you serious? You may not be the most experienced person i've ever thought of hiring, But your presentation rocked, And i didn't get where i am today by not taking chances.
The man's on fire.
Yeah.
Man, i got to tell you, my favorite part, the part where Jacob ends up in the sauna with rachel's dad Nothing funnier than man boobs, right? One of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.
That actually happened to you? Jonah based his script on his life.
Dude, no wonder i frickin' loved it so much.
The story's real? You didn't know it was except for a few creative liberties, All real unfortunately.
Like jacob's love interest- Much funnier in the movie.
What do you mean? I think riley's funny.
Wait, oh, so riley is rachel, right? Jacob's muse? Where is she? I would love to meet that girl.
You know, just for research.
Just one little problem No, there's no problem.
You can call her.
Call her? Could you give us, like, one quick second? I'll see you at the next hole.
Be right there.
There is absolutely no way i'm calling riley To reminisce about a relationship that just completely blew up.
Owen likes the dynamic in the script.
What if he senses, like, the major tension between us? No, he won't, okay? Riley can play nice for one day.
That's it.
All right? You might have broken up, but she is a good person with a gigantic heart.
She is gonna do this.
That transfer from johns hopkins, he's waiting for you at reception.
- Excuse me? - The dean wanted you to show him the ropes.
Been in that position.
Might as well pay it forward.
You're mansfer from johns hopkins? You actually inspire people to stay alive? - Are you stalking me? - Don't flatter yourself.
I got the apartment listing from the admin bulletin board.
So if you're going to be mad, be mad at whoever posted it.
That would have been me.
- Come on.
- How about we start over.
Drew pragin.
Let's hope you're better at playing doctor Than you are at playing guitar.
I'm actually very good.
Still don't know your name.
Lauren yung, third year.
This is alice redding, 75.
She's suffered from an abdominal aortic aneurysm.
Not big on small talk, hmm? She's recovering from an endovascular stent graft.
Her bp's being monitored constantly.
- I figured out why you don't like me.
- Not liking you would presuppose - Actually having thought about you.
- You don't think i'm serious enough.
Let me guess You were the only sophomore in your ap bio class, am right? I can see you now With your braces and your knee-Highs.
Taking a scalpel to your very first fetal pig.
It's kind of adorable.
Call me "adorable" again.
You'll see what i can do with a scalpel.
Yes, or no.
Your idea of a movie night is sneaking popcorn Into the surgery observation deck.
Right, 'cause heaven forbid i should take my job seriously.
When was the last time you laughed? I'm not here to laugh.
Look, i'm not going to heal mrs.
Redding heart By putting on a clown nose and telling knock-Knock jokes.
Maybe not, but it's not going to kill her to make her smile either.
- Come on.
- From vanessa mancini? [Vanessa.]
"david, if you're reading this, it means i'm gone, And michael needs to know the truth about the night you and i spent together.
Shortly after noah was born, i ran a paternity test.
Michael's not noah's father, david.
You are.
Vanessa.
" [Vanessa ending.]
.
Somebody order delivery? Glass walls.
What am i thinking? That maybe we could teach the bullpen a trick or two? I'd love to, but i'm starving.
Nice unicorn band-Aid.
Yeah, courtesy of riley richmond.
- Did she bite you? - Just a paper cut.
Thanks for taking the meeting.
I hope it didn't waste too much of your time.
No, actually, i hired her.
You're kidding me.
No.
She has this dream Of building boarding schools in the inner city.
Honey, everybody has dreams, but i think her only real experience Is with united shoes and finger paint.
Well, my team needs a fresh, young perspective.
And so she's the perfect fit.
Happy to hear it.
But you didn't trek moo shu pork through the beverly hills lunch rush To talk about riley richmond, did you? Riley who? Exactly.
I'd like to make a payment into my account please.
$1,500.
According to the university records, you're all paid up.
I wish.
Seriously.
Zero balance.
I checked online yesterday And i still had an outstanding balance of $16,000.
Says there was a payment in that amount made this morning.
Either our office made a huge mistake Or you've got yourself a guardian angel with some deep pockets.
Right.
Thank you.
I'm on my way out.
I've just come from the bursar's office And someone made an anonymous donation to my tuition.
Congratulations.
You didn't have to do that.
You think i paid off one of my student's tuition? You're good, but you're not that good.
Dr.
Mancini, i-I'm serious.
I can't take your money.
It wasn't mine.
But since the bill's already been paid, Then there's really nothing you can do about it, is there? - Who? - New transfer from johns hopkins.
Fellow member of aoa.
Huge fan.
Means nothing to me.
Welcome to ula.
I'm glad you think it's funny.
- What is it? - Can you hear me? Where are you? I'm at the malibu speed zone right now, With this really random question for you.
Yeah, what? Owen anderson he, uh, he really wants to meet you.
- The actor? - I know, it's crazy, right? I'm meeting him here today for living in reverse, And he's like, "hey, man, i'd love to meet riley Just, you know, to see what inspired you to create these characters.
" So you want me to act like everything's good between us? I know i'm the last person you want to be around right now.
I get that.
It's just the five incredibly happy years we spent together - That is what this movie's about.
- I know.
Do you think i can relieve all those memories without Going through the emotions that went along with them? Why would i want to put myself through that? I know, i know.
I'm an idiot.
I don't know why.
It's the most ridiculous thing i could have asked you to do.
I just i'm so caught up in the moment right now, And i'm still on this high from selling my script.
And i am sitting here sharing my life with owen freaking anderson.
I mean, who wouldn't be.
You wrote it with him in mind.
I know, and now he's like, "hey, man, just call riley.
" I'm like, sure, jump off a cliff- Okay, no problem.
Aw, i wasn't thinking.
This was not really fair of me to ask you.
I'm sorry.
Do not disturb.
Read the sign.
It's david come on, dad, open the door.
- What the hell do you want? - I don't want to fight.
- Where's noah? - With vanessa's sister.
He'll be at the house until i'm off probation.
- Isn't this your bat signal? - Whoever it's for They'll probably live longer without my help.
How many of these have you had to drink? What are you, my father now? Come on, dad.
You can't hide in here forever.
Vanessa killed sydney.
It's not your fault.
Vanessa found out about my affair.
I did everything but put the knife in her hand.
I have Destroyed everything that's ever come into my life.
Every marriage, every second chance.
Even my relationship with you.
And now the only thing i have left is noah.
And i can't look at him without knowing That i'm the reason he'll grow up without a mother.
Dad, there's something you need to know about noah.
Before you and vanessa ever met She and i got together.
- What are you talking about? - It was at that racquetball tournament.
She was new in town.
You guys didn't even know each other.
Why are you telling me this? Noah's not your son, dad.
He's mine.
I know it's a lot to process.
I'm just as surprised as you are.
Get out.
I have no intention of taking him from you.
I just want to be able to spend as much time as i can with him.
You will never get close to my child.
You will not talk to him.
You will not write to him.
As far as he's concerned, you don't exist.
I'm not just going to disappear.
You don't trust your minions to do that for you? No big deal.
Just bumped into a file cabinet.
Everything okay with you? It's my heart.
You actually have one? It's been, um beating irregularly.
This morning i thought i was having a heart attack.
Grab a seat.
Your heart sounds fine.
Any other symptoms? Shortness of breath, dizziness, - Sweating? - All of the above.
Why? Are you experiencing a lot of stress lately? I want you to think.
Work, family problems, relationships? No more than anyone else.
The truth, amanda.
That is the truth.
I mean, wpk is doing well.
And ben is wonderful.
Sounds like you're having panic attacks.
Panic attacks? That's ridiculous.
My-My life is perfect.
It's better than perfect.
I'm writing you a prescription for sertraline.
- I don't need - Please, No arguing.
Now if you don't start feeling better immediately, I want you to call me.
Thank you, michael.
And i'd appreciate keeping this between us.
I'll add it to the list.
You're here? You actually came.
Thank you.
I'm not here for you.
I'm here for jonah.
Where is he? Owen dragged on the racetrack for a playdate.
Can we just get this over with? Of course.
So you being here right now is that selfish thing That attracted jacob to rachel.
It's what made you supercouple all those years And exactly what owen needs to hear about.
If you two can keep things positive, There is a good chance we can cast an a-Lister for the part.
Hi.
I'm riley.
Jonah never said that you were a goddess.
Man, i feel like i totally know you.
Tell me everything there is to learn about The loveable jacob and rachel.
So, first time we meet, at a halloween party, And we're both waiting in line for the bathroom.
And jonah was darth vader - And i was this 600-Pound sumo wrestler.
- Sumo wrestler.
Huge.
Did you actually get stuck in that doorway? Oh, my god, yeah.
Not stuck wedged.
I'm talking bust out the crisco, major emergency.
Yeah, and meanwhile, there's this long line Of drunk frat boys waiting to use the bathroom, And there i am in this ridiculous costume, - Like, totally blocking the door.
- She's, like So i just.
I holster my lightsaber, I grab this big sumo belt And just start yanking as hard as i could.
Oh, a-And she you fell yes, yeah, that's right.
Oh, and say what you said, say what you said.
I can't breathe.
That's classic, man, it's so funny, i love that.
So sweet.
Irony is i was actually planning on being a pirate, but Saw the sumo outfit and changed my mind at the last second.
No way.
Wait, so you guys almost didn't even meet? Dude, why didn't you put that in the script? Characters that change their mind that's way too confusing For the audience, so i wanted to keep it simple and clean.
I don't think it's that unrealistic For rachel to hesitate before committing Her entire night to some enormous, Suffocating costume.
Why don't we talk about the graduation scene that happens in act two? Actually, you know, i kind of want to feel out this vibe right here.
What, this? This is nothing.
Riley just has this teeny bad habit Of changing her mind.
He's referring to our engagement.
I didn't answer immediately, Then all hell broke loose, and we broke up.
Dude, splitsville? No way.
W-Where's that story? Look, they may have broken up, But that does not mean That they didn't share a storybook love story.
Storybook? You slept with him.
Whoa, what? Dude, Jacob and rachel's destinies Are cosmically intertwined, and you cheated on her? No, no, see, i didn't cheat on her Because riley and i had already ended things, So technically it was over.
And who was there waiting? The vulture in versace.
There's that sense of humor we were just talking about.
You know what? I'm done.
I'm sorry, owen.
I like your movies, but i don't need to be dragged through this.
Why don't i go talk to her? Perfect, that's really going to help patch things up here, ella.
I am so sorry about Why didn't you tell me that you guys broke up? Look, your story felt so real, And i-I wanted to Get to know these characters a little bit better.
But, honestly, now i just feel Confused.
Sorry, man.
Can you just come back here so we can straighten things out? If i had known you were behind this, I would have never come anywhere near here.
So you're just going to let jonah's career slip through his fingers? My god, how selfish are you? Oh, i'm selfish? You're the one who didn't even wait a day before roping him into bed.
Please, sweetheart, like it took convincing.
Honestly, i don't know what he sees in you.
I guess you massage someone's ego enough - And you eventually become attractive.
- Do you have any idea Why jonah and i started hanging out? Okay, he had an extra ticket to a coen brothers Film festival that you bailed on.
Like that wasn't the best day of your life.
He came to me, riley, Just like he did every other time you slammed the door in his face.
How delusional are you? Do you really think jonah finds comfort In some selfish home wrecker who hasn't committed To anything more than a pair of shoes in her entire life? You might be able to talk movies and get him meetings But you will never win over his heart.
Jonah's way too good for you.
You're going to destroy your auditory system by the time you're 30.
Sorry, what? Couldn't hear you.
You're an idiot, you know that? - Coming through.
- Get away from me.
- Found her wandering the streets.
- Leave me alone.
Seriously, this is so illegal.
Here we go.
What's your name, sweetheart? Why, so you can call my parents? I'm not a moron.
Honey, if we don't know what happened, - We can't help you.
- Good, i don't want your help.
- Just let me go.
- You need to calm down.
All of you people suck.
- Stop.
- Guys, Can i have a second here, please? Alone.
You, too.
- Are you serious? - This may be the one time i am.
All right, here's the thing.
I don't really care what happened, But if i don't write something down in your file, My boss freaks out, so if it's cool with you, I'm just going to fill this out with some fiction.
Fine by me.
Great.
- What are you writing? - Just that you crashed On your razor scooter.
My razor scooter? What, am i nine? At least say i was driving a car going 80.
That's good.
That's very good.
That's way better than mine.
And i'll say your car did what, like, a nasty flip off mulholland? No, i hit a giant tree On alpine, exploded both my airbags.
Tell me you were wearing a seat belt.
Yeah, and now my ribs kill.
I think i got everything i needed here, except for a name.
How about, dumbo? - Dumbo? - Is that two ms or one? Two, right? Just put my real name Caitlin rogers.
All right.
Not bad.
You should see me with animals.
Wendi, thank you for calling me back.
Your voice mail sounded urgent.
Is everything okay? Yeah, i'm-I'm good.
Actually, i'm really good.
I paid off my tuition, so i'm done.
- Oh, well, that's great, lauren.
- Thank you.
But aren't you forgettin something? I told you i never forget a debt.
- You owe me one last job.
- I'll just pay you back.
I've got $1,500.
Too late, i already booked you for tonight and i can't let this client down.
Wendi, i'm-I'm sure you can find another girl.
It's a busy night.
Everybody's taken.
I'm-I'm sorry, but i'm done.
I can't do this anymore.
Lauren, do i need to remind you what you have to lose? One phone call to the medical board And all this is for nothing.
Are you threatening me? Do i need to? One more.
Thank god.
I started to feel naked without this thing.
You know what i'm good at? Just taking something that's really amazing And then screwing it up completely.
God.
- When did i go wrong with all this? - When you started trusting me.
I should not have asked you to drag riley into a dog and pony show.
- This whole thing was a mistake.
- No, we both had to vent.
We just chose the worst possible venue ever.
No, i'm talking about us.
We are a mistake.
You and riley are cut from the same Snuggly, fuzzy cloth, and i'm Let's face it, i'm industrial-Strength sandpaper.
No, you guys have five years of fairy tale.
And what do i have, five years of one-Night engagements? I can kick open doors for your career all day long, But when it comes to actually opening myself up And letting somebody in, it's it's an entirely different story.
And yes, i am selfish, but It's just because i don't want to get hurt.
No, jonah, i'm serious.
Why do you think that i spend every last ounce Of energy that i have on my career Or why i'd rather be At a business meeting than a candlelit dinner? I'm not as tough as you think, okay? I can't handle having my heart broken.
I want to rewrite my script.
What? Owen totally responded to the authenticity, But there's one part that's just complete fiction The ending.
Can we call him right now? - Yeah, why? - I want to throw him a hail mary.
I'm gonna ask him to reconsider if i change the ending.
That all sounds really great, jonah, but you don't know how the story ends.
Actually I wanted to ask you if i could bounce some ideas off you.
Where did that skeleton come from? No clue, it was just sitting there.
- Scared the crap out of me.
- Mission accomplished.
She's a cautionary tale.
Don't call him over.
- He's really cute.
- I don't care, don't call him over.
Come join us.
- I hate you right now.
- What? Hey, drew, this is riley, one of your new neighbors.
This is drew, the thorn that's been in my side all day.
Welcome.
And for the record, Lauren plays tough, but she's a total softy at heart.
- Did you steal that from ula? - Sally sunburn? No, they were going to throw her away.
I thought she'd be a nice addition to the courtyard.
Who brought the skeleton? That would be me.
I'm drew.
- I live right above you.
- What happened? - It's just a scratch.
- Everything's okay? I'm gonna get a drink.
Now i have to add chef to your growing list of credentials? Hardly.
I'm guessing you're not interested - In joining us for a burger.
- I'd love to, but amanda would kill me If i got ketchup on the monkey suit.
No, we're headed off to venice - To a "save the something" fund-Raiser.
- You never stop working, do you? No, i do not, and neither will you if i use you the right way.
I'm taking the jet to d.
C.
I thought maybe we could check out that school in person.
You free tomorrow? Am i free to fly across the country In your private jet? Yeah, i just have to reschedule my lunch with madonna.
- Is she in town? - I'm kidding.
I don't know madonna.
Wait, do you? Congratulations, riley.
I understand you made quite an impression on my boyfriend.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Thanks again for making the introduction.
- My pleasure.
- Good night.
Resident hollywood power players.
How'd your meeting with owen anderson go? Actually just got off the phone with him.
He seems really interested in my ideas for a rewrite, As soon as i'm done he promised me we'll meet again.
- What does that mean? - Jonah's going to change the ending.
Turns out rachel and jacob don't make it after all.
- I'm sorry, work's pulling me back.
- Can i see that phone for a second? I just want to call your boss and ask him for a night alonwith my girlfriend.
I think the long hours are just about over, And then'm all yours.
All right, okay.
- I didn't get a page, but i should go.
- I'll probably get there And they won't even need me, so good-Bye.
Okay, well, at least let me walk you to the car.
Night.
You hate me and you, i don't know.
Great, i think i'm gonna call it a night.
So, drew, are you into cardiology like lauren? I transferred to ula for their hematology program.
Hematology, like blood? Why would anyone want to specialize in that? Well, if i tell you, you promise not to tell anybody else? I'm a vampire.
It was so much better in my head.
Yeah.
You going to get that? Oh, my god.
I've never seen you ignore a phone call.
There's a lot of things you haven't seen.
This is how my star student's been paying for med school.
It's not what it looks like.
I've never done anything like this before.
Interesting, because wendi told me You were one of her go-To girls.
I'm not going to say anything about this To anyone.
I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same.
It won't leave this room.
Thank you.
That doesn't mean i don't expect something in return.
- You don't actually want to - It's david.
If he hadn't interfered in my life, noah would still have a mother.
I don't understand what that has to do with me.
David needs to know what it feels like To have all the happiness in his life ripped away.
I want you to break his heart.
Whatever you have with him, end it.
- You can't be serious.
- You break it off with him, Or i tell the entire medical community That i got a house call from dr.
Lauren yung.
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