Metalocalypse (2006) s01e14 Episode Script

Come on, man! Play something! This is the last piece of footage we've seen of the band.
They're calling it the concert that Dethklok didn't play.
Rumors are circulating, cancelled tour dates, no public appearances Has the band thrown in the towel? Them boys, they got the blues.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Can you pass that Prozac shaker? This is soy ice cream.
Skwisgaar! Maybe I'm not plercrict.
At least they're not the fattest, ugliest lead singer alive with horrible skin.
My lords, this man breached the gates of Mordhaus.
Shall I kill him? How did he gets in here? Well, I'm a blues man.
- A blues man find his way in anywhere.
- Who are you? I'm Mashed Potato Johnson.
And I want to help you.
Dethklok is in a celebrity depression.
This could be monumentally bad.
Could this celebrity depression be the end of Dethklok? Well, it's difficult to speculate.
Gentlemen, celebrity depression expert Vincenzo de Alimamala Corningston the Third.
Many celebrities become celebrities because world recognition is the only thing that pulls them out of the horribly depressing realities of living.
They no longer live in reality.
Anything could send them spiraling into a depression a bad photo, a slice of pizza before sleeping and their world can immediately turn upside down! Thus they turn to outside forces to enlighten them such as shamen or gurus.
And who do you believe Dethklok will turn to? Mashed Potato Johnson.
He's the oldest living blues guitarist.
They say he made a deal with the devil - standard blues musician rap sheet.
All due respect, why should we be worried about Dethklok learning the ways of the blues? Because the blues are just as cursed as this metal is.
The devil himself is at the helm of this music.
If Dethklok embraces their depression, we could all be in great danger.
We will let Dethklok explore this new territory.
It must be 200 degrees.
Oh, f this.
I'm taking off my shirt off.
- What? Where are we? - We're in the South.
The birthplace of the blues.
Well, it's too hot.
And I'm taking my shirt off.
- My God.
I have let myself go.
- You have put on a few pound-a-roonis.
You're not supposed to agree with me, dick-brain.
What are we even doing in this horrible microwaves? I doesn't care nothing about this blouse.
- The blues.
- Yeah.
But all I cares about is dark and brutal.
You want to know dark and brutal? Come with me.
This here where the blues began, right here where we're standing.
Blind Harlan Davenport killed his wife buried her in that chicken coop right there.
That night, he recorded Wife Gone On The Funeral Train Blues.
Next morning, the police shot him in the eye 52 times.
This is where Smoky Toe Brown was savagely beaten for sleeping with his neighbor's wife shortly before he recorded Train, Leave This Station Blues.
They say his ghost come back to life and killed his neighbor pitch-forked his intestines, and hung them on the tree.
Everybody knows Shorty Turnytop made a deal with the devil.
He was hit by a train at this exact spot.
As his head traveled in the air, he wrote Blues Train Blues.
- Alls they sings about is trains.
- Is there anything else really to talk about? Come on.
This here is where Mustard Tits "The Murder Master" Brown slaughtered 22 men just for being ugly.
He went on to record Here Come That Train A-coming Blues.
Now, the first rule of the blues is translating that feeling making somebody feel just as bad as you.
Now, I want y'all to pair up.
We gonna have a blues-giving session.
Dude, has anybody got any SPF? I'm very Irish-American.
Real bluesman get a sunburn.
Now, go on, Nathan.
You give Murderface them blues! OK all right, all right.
Hey, dog-face why don't you go eat some dog food and eat your own throw-up 'cause you're a dog-face.
Jeez, Nathan! A little below the belt.
I guess I really do have a dog-face.
Maybe I should throw up and eat it.
Good! Now you feeling them blues.
You go on now, Murderface.
OK.
Hey, thin-lips, why don't you go make out with Glenn Close and go and bring her Academy Award and shove it up your ass.
- That'd be great.
- Maybe you're right.
Maybe I should use my crappy thin lips and make out with Glenn Close.
Now, Skwisgaar, let's talk about blues guitar.
I only plays metal.
It's embarrassed for us to even have this grandspa's guitars.
That's because you don't know how to make the blues sound.
Why don't you try to play this? That's close.
One more time.
Try to play this.
- We can't nots plays fast physically.
- Yeah, it's hard.
All right.
Let's try something else.
I gots the hit in the balls with the train cinder block right in the balls! Now, Nathan, I want you to play me some blues harmonica.
I don't have a blues harmonica.
Well, that's OK.
You can use mine.
- Lick it.
- I'm sorry, what? A real blues man get a flavor for his harp.
Now, you go on and lick that thing.
Now, you play them blues.
There.
I'm finished.
What?! You've hardly played that thing at all.
Yeah, well, I mean, I got it.
Now, you boys come a long way but some of you might not know, down here in Mississippi, there's evil.
The blues devil live down here.
If you want to be a real blues man, you gotta sell your soul to the devil.
I understand you wish to bargain your eternal souls for blues fame.
Yeah Hey, fancy-pants, we're Dethklok.
We're kind of famous already.
Oh, come on.
We're supposed to do this to become, you know, the blues guys.
Sir, sorry.
We wish to bargain our souls, you know, for whatever.
Very well.
You understand then that you will have to sign a binding contract.
Well, see, our lawyer is not here.
Well, it's not like we haven't negotiated a contract before.
Hold on.
Page 4, the language is kind of murky.
That's gonna have to be rewritten.
I'm seeing other revisions, too.
Page 7 dividends not recoupable of all and/or any monies 0.
8% of all sales prorated because of back end behavior system is 16.
9% gotta do is piggyback said sales onto recoupable sources, i.
E 7% of the back end on your soul, and you in turn will get this $5.
00 gift card for Hot Topic.
I can lives with that.
- I'll sleep on it and contact a notary.
- I'm a notary.
I'm gonna sleep on it.
Take care, guys.
- I like him.
- We can't even get the blues right.
It's making me depressed.
We have one final thing to do and your journey of the blues is complete.
- You gotta play a show.
- But we can't! We're not ready! - Oh, hell, you ready.
- But it's unpossible.
No back-stage, no champagnes nos potato salad in the shape of a dead ladies.
- We don't even have the concerts book.
- It don't matter.
You go to where people are and you play them blues.
This'll do just fine.
Dirty, worthless hippies.
These guys is way too happy.
Make 'em wish they was never born.
Give 'em the blues.
Somebody slap my sunburned back.
I can feel pain again.
I'm ready.
We just received some very awesome and rad news, everybody.
Dethklok has returned to the public.
Yeah! We're here to play some Mississippi Delta blues.
We're in a horrible depression and I gotta admit it: We're starting to like it.
~ Here comes the soul collecting Train of murder a-comin' ~ ~ It longs to take your putrid Blackened soul away from you ~ ~ Your face will leave Your rotting head ~ ~ In the early morning ~ It's so depressing! ~ Your guts will leave your corpse Your spine will break ~ ~ And crack in two ~ ~ It cannot be stopped The train is fueled ~ ~ By chopped bodies Filled with sorrow ~ ~ There is no tomorrow Ticket is your life ~ ~ Ended by a knife Called the murder train ~ ~ Eternity of pain ~ ~ Oh, yeah, you know What I'm talking about ~ ~ There is no escape but death ~ ~ Your life is just A murder train a-comin' ~ ~ Now play those blues ~