Relic Hunter s01e14 Episode Script

I pity the thief, i do.
But it's cursed, you know.
You're egyptian, aren't you? Then you believe it, right? I mean, when a bloke removes the statue of mafdet from the temple, he will eh what did it say? Yeah, die by the claws of the cat.
Well, i've travelled the globe in her majesty's service and seen a lot of iocal mumbo-jumbo proved true.
So i say it again: I pity the thief.
Alexandria station.
alexandria.
Well, mustaf my friend, what brings you to alexandria? I am sorry.
My english is very little.
Ahh! You know what, claudia? Astronomy is absolutely fascinating.
I know.
And practical, too.
I i didn't know you were interested in astronomy.
Of course.
Like, this guy i was seeing, he was a total sagittarius.
But then he started to get moody and i took it personally.
But then i found out that his moon was rising in scorpio and i realised it really had nothing to do with me because i'm a virgo and we are so completely supposed to be together.
Yeah.
You're talking about astrology.
I'm talking about astronomy.
You know, if you're interested, you could join me at the observatory this wednesday to witness the appearance of the bo mot comet.
Thanks but i've got a low-impact class on wednesday.
I'll just catch it next week.
Claudia, the bo mot comet only appears for a few days - every three thousand years.
- Yeah, well, my butt appears at least twice a week at some of the hottest clubs in town.
So this whole comet thing will just have to take a back seat to bum burners, level three.
Thank you very much.
Ancient studies.
It's the new curator from the crawford institute in n ew york.
- Put him through.
- Her.
Hello? I can't believe you won't give up an ex ercise class to see one of the most fascinating events of the century.
Ricky martin is the most fascinating event of the century, not a comet.
A comet.
A comet is magnificent.
H uge masses of ice and rock which, when they get too close to the sun, begin to evaporate forming trails of dust and gas millions of miles long that we see all the way from the earth.
Okay let's get security up here quick before luke skywalker goes over the edge.
The statue is mafdet, the egyptian cat goddess.
- And it had been stolen? - Yes, from a sacred temple.
I found it and returned it to the bubastis collection in cairo.
- It's supposedly cursed.
- Cursed? Well, whoever steals the statue will die by the claws of the cat.
Die by the claws? The man who took it was found dead a few weeks later unusual lacerations covering his body.
Meow! i don't mean to be presumptive.
Presumptuous.
That too.
But should i be booking a flight? N ew york.
- Right.
If you can make it there - i'll make it anywhere? The statue's on tour? That's right.
This month, it's at the crawford institute in n ew york.
They've got a new curator.
She invited me to the showing.
She must've known about your connection with the statue and thought you might like to see it again.
That's what i thought but she invited me to her home, not the museum.
- Why? - That's what i'd like to know.
- Thank you for coming, professor fo x.
- Sydney.
- Elizabeth.
- Nigel.
H i.
I guess you're wondering why we're here.
Well, the thought had crossed my mind.
When the pieces for the exhibit arrived, i i brought the statue home to study it.
You took it out of the museum? It was stupid, i know.
But it was only for one night and i was drawn to it.
It's powerful, isn't it? I knew you would understand.
You've held it.
- The statue - was stolen in the middle of the night.
My god.
What did the police say? You never called them? It's two days before the exhibit opens.
I just got this job a few weeks ago.
If we could just get the statue back before someone finds out - and then there's - the curse.
- Yes.
- The curse? - Anyone who steals the statue - oh, meow.
He's english.
Elizabeth, has anything else gone missing? Not really.
I i mean, nothing of importance.
One of my shoes is missing.
They were both at the entrance.
One? Mind if i take a look at the other one? I bought them for a costume ball a few years ago.
So whoever it was took only the left one.
- What? - I know who broke in here.
She doesn't seem to be the curator type, does she? No.
So are you going to tell me who broke in? - Archie brogan.
He's a cat burglar.
- A cat burglar stole the cat? - Yes.
He also has a shoe fetish.
- A shoe fetish? - Lefts only.
- Right.
- He's very good.
- As a burglar or a shoe fetisher? Burglar, of course.
But he did break up my favourite pair of pumps.
Let's catch a cab at the corner.
It's it's an absolute steal at the price.
I think we should buy it, honey.
Well, i'll be dogged if i know.
Who was it you said painted this again? Oh, jessop gilmore, one of the masters of neo-modern expressionism.
You don't say? It almost breaks my heart to part with such a masterpiece.
Honey well, sugar pie, if it means that much you, i reck on we'll take it.
Hello, lagerfeld.
Sydney.
Sydney, it's been such a long time.
U mm i'm in the middle of a transaction.
Just give me a minute, will you? This here was painted by jessop gilmore.
This fellow seems to think it's neat as cat's whiskers.
What do you think? Well it's almost as neat as the one that gilmore painted himself.
- You mean this ain't an original? - Thank you very much, sydney.
Yes, it's even more original than original.
It's a postmodern original.
Postmodern original.
Now, what kind of gobbledygook is that? Did gilmore paint this thing or didn't he? Of course he did, in the sense that painters paint these days.
Warhol had all his assistants do the actual painting.
The important point is the concept, the genius, the joie de vivre inspired by the master himself.
This postmodern original is based on what most aficionados believe to be the actual inferior original postmodern original.
Well, i declare.
come on, honey-bunch, let's light a shuck.
I am angry.
And when i get angry, sydney, i get hello, who's that boy? - It's my teaching assistant.
- Lucky you.
Mmm.
Don't tell me you came all this way just to make me envious.
I'm looking for archie.
Archie brogan? Whatever do you want with that pervert? He pulled a job on someone i'm helping.
- I didn't even know he was in town.
- He is and i know that you know he is.
- Lagerfeld.
And you? - Nigel, Nigel bailey.
Nigel bailey.
Lagerfeld, where's archie? Darling, why would you think that i would know? If he's in town, he's up to his old tricks.
Which means he'll be bringing you whatever it is he stole so that you can fence it.
Fine, yes, i'ii i'll be with you in just a moment.
This is the last address i have of his.
It's a loft down in soho.
He did tell me he had something special but i haven't heard from him in days.
Thanks.
I'm i'm very glad that you are looking at this one because this is a piece de resistance, as we like to say.
Hello? Lagerfeld, you are getting impatient in your middle age.
Well, i'm glad you called.
That something special that i promised, was way easier to acquire than i ever imagined.
Yeah.
This woman from the museum? She took it home.
Sydney fo x? I don't understand what she i'll call you back.
Syd.
Nigel! I never realised fan blades could be so sharp.
N either did i.
It's possible the circuit malfunctioned, overloaded with current.
- Yeah, it's possible.
- Take her pump back.
Let's get out of here.
- What now? - We find that masked figure.
- How do we do that? - I know who it is.
You do again? She took me out with a sitabandu back kick.
It's a classic balinese martial arts move.
Certainly one of my favourites.
There's only one woman i know that's mastered that move - roselyn lam.
Archie and roselyn must have teamed up and had a little cat fight over the statue.
Lagerfeld gallery.
Archie's dead.
Oh, such a young man.
Now, give me some real news.
Where is Nigel? Lagerfeld, archie's been murdered and the statue's been stolen.
Sydney, i don't mean to be callous, really, but if i was to mourn every thief that promised to bring me something, i'd be a daily wreck.
Roselyn lam.
That name mean anything to you? No.
Listen to me, lagerfeld, listen good.
Now, someone or something wants that statue bad.
Now, whoever has it is in mortal danger.
Sydney, this is n ew york.
We're in mortal danger every time we walk down the street.
But the to put your mind at ease, i i assure you, i have no idea where roselyn lam is.
ciao, sydney.
Now, can we talk money? You saw the statue, but the man who stole it from me is dead? And it's been taken again.
Sydney believes it's in the possession of a woman named roselyn lam.
Why does that name sound so familiar? Roselyn lam - shall we call the police now? - No.
- Not yet.
- Sorry.
What? Roselyn lam i knew that name sounded familiar.
When we were granted the bubastis exhibit we added several new docents.
All volunteers.
- Roselyn lam was one of them? - It's a great way to pull an inside job.
But i brought the statue home.
Roselyn was spying on you and told her partner about it.
Your left shoe sniffing cat friend who double-crossed her.
Sorry.
Elizabeth, would you happen to have an address for her? What was that? - Over here.
Check it out.
- Come on, let's go.
Throat slashed to just like archie's.
She did fall out of the window.
That's true.
And then there's the curse.
Die by the claws of the cat.
- You think the cat's in the bag? - We'll find out.
It's been sold.
Do you actually think it's possible they were killed by some sort of cat creature? Cat goddess seeking revenge.
Maybe.
Maybe it's one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.
With someone doing the fulfilling because they believe it has to be fulfilled.
Exactly.
- That guy's been following us.
- You sure? She's sure.
Hey, watch out oh man, what are you hey, what are you doing? - What's that? - It's egyptian with hieroglyphs.
The symbols are of the utchat or sacred eye.
There is a legend that the utchat is a symbol of a tameran.
That's an ancient egyptian spiritual order.
They were sworn to attend to their pharaoh's soul in the afterlife.
It was always led by a high priestess of unparalleled power and influence in egyptian society.
That's right.
The order's oath was to protect the pharaoh for eternity.
But the order would have ended with the ancient egyptian civilisation.
I mean, how would they be in n ew york today? Let me pour you another.
It's actually a drink made from an authentic ancient egyptian recipe.
Very nice.
Do you think the deaths were accidental or do you think it was the curse? That drink packs a punch.
Are you okay, Nigel? - I had just a little too much - you're going to be just fine, Nigel.
I i shouldn't have had the second.
Is is there a the door at the end of the hall.
He'll be all right.
I've seen this before with unaccustomed palates.
Sydney, what if the tameran order wasn't extinct? What if it existed to this day to protect the pharaoh's soul in the afterlife? What have you given us? The egyptian high priests of our sect used a similar libation to relax their sacrificial victims before they were killed.
- Where am i? - Somewhere underneath her house.
I have been entrusted with a sacred duty, sydney.
Does it involve trick-or-treating? Tonight, when the bo mot comet streaks across the northern sky i will perform a ceremony that will allow the soul of the pharaoh to ascend to the next level.
The mafdet statue's essential to the ceremony.
Yes.
It will be melted down and mix ed with an ancient formula to be used in the ceremony.
After pharaoh ascends my followers and i will serve as his ministers in our after lives.
How do you know that's what mafdet wants? It is what pharaoh wants.
So this is some sort of supernatural power trip.
- It is a sacred calling.
- Yeah, right.
- You're not elizabeth ruckheiser.
- No.
I'm not.
Elizabeth was an unfortunate victim and a poor dresser.
Let him go.
The ceremony will take place tonight.
I need you to bring mafdet to me.
Nigel will remain here.
And if you don't provide the statue i'll have to find another way to appease the pharaoh while he waits for the next window of ascension.
Egyptian culture didn't include the sacrifice of victims.
Let's call it a ritual disembowelment, then.
Sacrifice actually sounded better to me.
You have until midnight to get the statue.
Where's the statue? Anger doesn't become you, sydney.
Look at you.
It doesn't become you.
Archie and roselyn are both dead.
You're next if we don't get that statue back.
You're not going on about that silly curse again, are you? I'm talking about something deadlier than the curse here.
I'm talking a crazy woman in a boustier.
Now, if you want to live you'll tell me what you know.
I have never seen you get so worked up, sydney.
What kind of boustier? If we don't get that statue back by midnight, Nigel's in trouble.
Nigel bailey? Roselyn sold that statue before she was killed.
I know, i saw the money.
You were her fence.
Oh, fence, sydney.
Such a ghost term.
Where's the statue? How can i tell you anything when you keep mauling me? How can i? Ethically speaking, this is against everything i stand for.
Roslyn sold it.
She sold it and i represented her interests.
Who has it now? Juan escuevero, the cultural attaché to the u nited n ations.
He buys art, resells it in europe using his diplomatic immunity to ease things through customs.
H as he left the country yet? He leaves tomorrow morning for madrid.
He'll have that little kitty cat with him.
- So it's at the embassy.
- Probably at his house.
- Where's that? - Where's Nigel? Believe me, you don't want to know.
Well, maybe you don't want to know where the statue is.
Lagerfeld, this is not a game.
Yes, i know, the curse, mortal danger, blah, blah, blah.
Keep it up, sydney.
Just tell me where he is.
Tell me.
I'll take you to him, we will go together.
No.
No, no, no.
Three's a crowd.
Okay, upper west side.
I will give you the address if you don't go until after midnight.
Promise? Scout's honour.
Scout's honour.
Oh, good evening, good evening.
What an absolutely charming house.
I'm here to see Nigel bailey.
A good, good friend of mine told me he was here.
Nigel bailey? A party.
Well, if i'd have known, i would've worn egyptian motif and things.
- Lovely, lovely.
- What do you want? - I'd like to see Nigel bailey, please.
- You would, would you? Yes, i would.
come with me.
Lagerfeld said you might be dropping by.
I must say when sydney told me where you were hiding - i was delighted.
But this? - This is not a game, lagerfeld.
No, of course, it's not.
Not a game.
I've seen you at city bar, haven't i? Raoul, right? Easy, raoul, easy.
Beast, let's not rush things.
- This isn't funny.
- Yes, it is.
Listen, mr escuevero.
We both know this is stolen.
If i tell the police it's in your possession you won't be telling the police nothing, my dear.
Will you stop grabbing at my hands? You're such a tease.
If you don't want to play handsy, what are you doing back there? I am trying to get us untied before they come back and kill us.
- Kill us? What are you talking about? - I've been trying to tell you this isn't some kind of twisted role-playing game.
This is for real.
If sydney doesn't get back here by midnight with that statue they're going to go with plan b and sacrifice us.
- Sacrifice? What kind of a fun way? - In a fun kind of disembowelling way.
You really are afraid, aren't you? Don't be so ridiculous.
Oh, here we go.
The incisions must be precise.
We must remove one organ at a time.
No.
The bloodletting must not proceed until midnight.
See? Nothing to worry about.
Nigel, it's just a prop, anyway, wouldn't cut a thing.
Professor fo x has appro ximately five minutes.
Quick, take me to the upper west side.
- I no speak english well.
- The west side.
What is she doing with that harpoon? Now, there's no need to be hasty.
I'm sure sydney will be back at any moment with that statue and ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah what? What? What? What? What? Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, madam, that's a prada shirt.
It is time.
Go to the roof and prepare for the comet.
Time? Romanian? Okay.
- What is she talking about? - I don't think we want to know.
It is time.
Time? For what? You can't be serious about all this.
It's a joke, right? The pharaoh's soul is all that matters.
Without mafdet, you must be our offering.
I don't think i'd make a decent offering.
I'm not a good person, you see, i'm actually rotten to the core.
Yes, yes, that's right.
I'm horrible.
I'm the worst.
Ask anyone.
In fact, i'm disgusting.
Stop.
I've got the statue.
- Give it to me.
- No.
No? Sydney, are you mad? We're running out of time here.
You let them go and i'll give you the statue.
Go.
I was hoping to stay and watch the ceremony.
Get out of here.
- That's an ex cellent idea.
- That's absolutely brilliant, brilliant.
Sydney, there are too many strange things going on in this house.
Let's get out of here now.
We'll all feel much better after a good meal.
- We're not going.
- What? - We need to get the statue back.
- What are you talking about? She's going to destroy the statue during the ceremony, Nigel.
- Ex cuse me, who cares? - I do.
- Why? - Just because.
- You can't be serious, sydney.
- Dead serious.
Please don't say dead.
- We're going back.
- They just locked the doors.
Doors are locked, case closed.
I know this wonderful little espresso bar.
But we've been through tougher locks than that before.
Don't encourage her, Nigel.
Shut up, lagerfeld.
You're not even supposed to be here yet.
Stop, don't do that.
Out.
I told you you couldn't stay.
- You can't destroy that statue.
- Why not? Because mafdet doesn't want it destroyed.
She wants her image and spirit to remain for people to see and admire.
I serve pharaoh, not mafdet.
Exactly.
You want it destroyed for your own selfish gain so you can have power with the pharaoh.
You don't need to do this.
You're correct.
I want to do it and i will.
Pharaoh has his loyal servants.
- Mafdet has none.
- She has me.
Yeah.
Thank god that's over.
Maybe not.
So you've taken an interest in the comet after all? Well, after you got all worked up over it i went to the planetarium to check it out.
It was great.
You enjoyed the comet, did you? N ever actually got to see it.
The new astrology professor - astronomy.
- Whatever.
He is out of this world, pardon the pun.
I got a date for saturday night.
Oh, speaking of dates, yours called.
She cancelled.
What? Why? Well, i can't say that i blame her.
I mean, an art opening at a museum, Nigel? Way to sweep a girl off her feet, romeo.
Claudia, some women actually appreciate a more intellectual evening than waving a glow stick around a meat packing warehouse listening to ear piercing techno music.
Well, lucky you, someone else called wondering if you were free and i told him you were available tonight.
- You got me another date, did you? - You could say that.
What's wrong with her? Well, there's nothing wrong with her, except that she's except she's a what? Nige.
A he.
It's fate, my boy.
You see, freda lundstein is my favourite, favourite, favourite postmodern abstract expressionist.
She is.
You don't seem too well.
What's wrong? - I think the ex citement's got to him.
- He gets like that.
- He's wonderful.
- I think so, too.
There's someone here to see you, too.
Your name wouldn't be mafdet, would it? Let's just hope that high priestess doesn't have another eight lives, huh? English