Rhoda (1974) s01e14 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- RHO, DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES ME LOOK FAT? I MEAN, IF YOU SAW ME WALKING DOWN THE STREET, WOULD YOU SAY, "THERE GOES A FAT PERSON?" - BRENDA, COME ON, NO.
- AW, I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO SUCK IN MY STOMACH ALSO MY THIGHS.
- BRENDA.
GEE, YOU'RE ALL AFLUTTER.
ARE YOU IN LOVE? - NO, NO, I'M NOT REALLY IN LOVE.
I'M IN LIKE.
YEAH, I AM CRAZY IN LIKE.
- BRENDA, THAT'S GOOD.
- YEAH, YEAH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING ON MY THIRD DATE WITH HIM.
I MEAN, A THIRD DATE.
- GEE, THAT'S PRACTICALLY A RELATIONSHIP.
- I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.
- RIGHT, AND YOU WERE THE ONE WHO KEP SAYING, "I'LL NEVER MEET ANYONE.
"IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN.
I'LL SPEND MY ENTIRE LIFE DRIFTING AIMLESSLY FROM ONE BASKIN ROBBINS TO ANOTHER.
" - YEAH.
YEAH, I KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? - NICE.
YEAH.
AND YOU SEE, NOW? - YEAH.
- TELL ME ABOUT THIS GUY.
WHAT'S HE LIKE? - UH, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.
HIS NAME IS JIMMY.
- YEAH? - HE'S A MAILMAN.
HE SAID THIS GREA THING ABOUT ICE CREAM.
I SAID I LIKED CHOCOLATE BETTER THAN ROCKY ROAD.
CHOCOLATE'S MORE SUBTLE.
AND HE SAID, "I KNOW.
ROCKY ROAD ALWAYS SEEMS LIKE IT'S TRYING TOO HARD.
" ISN'T THA A WONDERFUL THING TO SAY? IT IS.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S A WONDERFUL THING TO SAY.
- YEAH.
IT IS.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
- HE SOUNDS TERRIFIC.
- OH, HE IS.
- HE'S LIKE SOMEONE YOU'D SEE ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - NO.
WHO COULD KNOW WHA YOU MEAN BY THAT? - LIKE ONE OF THOSE GUYS YOU SEE ON THE BUS, READING "THE VILLAGE VOICE," WITH SENSITIVE EYES? AND THEY ALWAYS GET OFF THE BUS BEFORE I HAVE TIME TO TELL THEM THAT I'M A LO CUTER ON THE INSIDE.
- HEY, LISTEN, YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP.
YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE TO MEET HIM.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- BRENDA, THIS IS SO GREAT.
I CAN'T EVER REMEMBER SEEING YOU LIKE THIS.
SO, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO MEET HIM? - AT THE BUS TERMINAL.
- WHAT? - OH, IT'S CONVENIENT.
THE BUS TERMINAL IS A VERY GOOD PLACE TO LEAVE FOR NEW JERSEY FROM.
- NEW JERSEY? WHAT'S THERE TO DO IN NEW JERSEY, EXCEPT GO TO NEW YORK? - WE DO A LOT OF THINGS.
WE DRIVE AROUND, WE WALK AROUND FOOL AROUND.
- SO, HE LIVES IN NEW JERSEY, HUH? - NO, HE LIVES IN BROOKLYN.
BUT JIMMY SAYS NEW JERSEY'S A LOT QUIETER, AND HE LIKES TO TRAVEL.
MAYBE A HAT WOULD HELP.
DO YOU HAVE A HAT? - YEAH, SURE, IN THE CLOSET, BREN.
UH, LISTEN, UM, SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO TRAVEL HAS PARIS AS A MAIN GOAL--OR LONDON-- NEVER NEWARK.
- OH, LISTEN, RHODA, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE WE GO? WHEN YOU ONLY SEE A GUY ONCE A WEEK, WHERE DOESN'T MATTER MUCH.
- WAIT A MINUTE, BRENDA, WHY DO YOU JUST SEE THIS GUY ONLY ONCE A WEEK? - OH, WELL, HE'S ONLY FREE THURSDAY NIGHTS.
- UH-HUH.
- I LOOK LIKE A FRUIT FLY.
- WELL, GEE, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YA TOMORROW AND HEAR ABOUT THIS DATE.
- OH, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING 11:00 TONIGHT? - MMM, LAUNDRY.
WHY? - OH, WELL, I'LL BE HOME BY THEN AND I CAN TELL YA ALL ABOUT IT.
- AT 11:00? WHY SO EARLY? - WELL, JIMMY SAYS HE HAS TO GET HOME BY 11:00 TO WALK HIS DOG.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY CAN'T YOU GO WITH JIMMY TO WALK HIS DOG? - OH.
WELL, IT'S DARK OUT AND HE'S AFRAID I'LL BE ATTACKED.
- SO WON' THE DOG PROTECT YOU? - THAT'S WHO HE'S AFRAID IS GOING TO ATTACK ME.
- HMM.
HIYA, JOE.
- OH, HIYA, BABE.
- ANYTHING WRONG? - YEAH.
- WELL, WHAT IS IT? - WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY, BUT I GUESS I GOTTA TELL YA.
- NO, YA DON'T.
- YES, I DO.
RHODA I'M SELLING MY CAR.
- JOE.
OH, I WAS SO WORRIED THERE.
A MILLION TERRIBLE THINGS JUST WENT THROUGH MY HEAD, ALL OF THEM ENDING WITH, "BUT THERE'S NO REASON WE STILL CAN'T BE FRIENDS.
" THEN WHY ARE YOU SELLING THE CAR? YOU LOVE THAT CAR.
- YEAH, BUT I LOVE FOOD AND A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS MORE.
WITH THE BUSINESS SO ROTTEN, WE'VE JUST GO TO FIND WAYS TO CUT BACK.
- YEAH.
- AND KEEPING A CAR IN THE CITY IS TOO EXPENSIVE.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, JOE.
WHO NEEDS A CAR? WE'RE MARRIED NOW, WE CAN MAKE OUT HERE.
- YEAH.
BUT SELLING A CAR BECAUSE YOU'RE SHORT ON DOUGH--RHODA, THAT IS BIG.
- WELL, NOW, LISTEN.
IF IT REALLY BOTHERS YOU THA MUCH, THEN DON'T SELL IT.
WE'LL MANAGE.
- NAH, IT'S TOO LATE.
I ALREADY PUT AN AD IN THE PAPER, AND I STUCK UP SIGNS IN THE, UH, YOU KNOW, DRY CLEANER.
- YEAH.
- AND OVER AT THE MARKET.
SO, THE CALLS WILL PROBABLY START COMING IN TONIGHT.
- YEAH, AND SOME OF THEM ARE BOUND TO BE FROM WEIRDOES.
"TELL ME WHAT YOUR CAR LOOKS LIKE NAKED.
HUH HUH HUH.
" - I'LL TELL YA, YOU ALMOST MADE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT SELLING THE CAR.
- OK, JOE, GOOD.
NOW, LISTEN, ARE WE OK ON THE CAR THING NOW? BECAUSE I'VE GO A THING, TOO.
BUT YOU WERE THERE FIRST, SO I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO MY STUFF UNTIL WE KNOW THA YOU'RE COMPLETELY FINISHED.
- WHAT'S WRONG? - BRENDA'S GOING WITH A MARRIED GUY AND DOESN'T KNOW IT.
- WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO? - OK.
HE ONLY TAKES HER TO NEW JERSEY, WHERE THE FRIENDS OF THE WIFE WON' SEE THEM TOGETHER.
HE'S BUSY EVERY NIGHT BUT THURSDAY.
HE HAS TO BE HOME AT 11:00, AND HE HAS NEVER ONCE INVITED BRENDA TO HIS PLACE.
- LISTEN.
SO THE GUY LIKES JERSEY.
AND AS FOR DATING BRENDA ONCE A WEEK, MAYBE HE SEES OTHER PEOPLE THE REST OF THE TIME.
AND AS FOR COMING HOME AT 11:00? WELL, MAYBE HE'S GO TO GO TO WORK EARLY.
- HOW DO YA LIKE THAT? I HAD THIS TERRIFIC CASE BUIL UP AGAINST THIS GUY, AND YOU JUST KNOCKED IT DOWN IN 2 SECONDS.
AHH.
THEN YOU THINK HE'S SINGLE.
- NO, HE'S MARRIED.
- JOE! JOE! - BUT IF HE IS MARRIED, THERE'S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN SAY.
WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS JUS LEAVE IT TO BRENDA AND SHE'LL FIND OUT, AND SHE'LL BREAK UP WITH HIM.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
THE ONLY WAY TO LEARN IS BY EXPERIENCE.
- BUT WHY DOES BRENDA HAVE TO LEARN LIKE THAT? EH, WHY CAN'T THE GIRL SCOUTS PRINT A MANUAL FOR ADULTS? I MEAN, THEY TEACH YOU SPOT POISON OAK, AND THEN LET YOU WALK RIGHT THROUGH A PATCH OF MARRIED MEN.
- LOOK, RHODA, NO MATTER WHA YOU SAY TO BRENDA, ODDS ARE SHE'S NOT GONNA LISTEN.
AND SHE'LL ONLY END UP RESENTING YOU FOR IT.
- WELL, BETTER THAT THAN I JUST LE HER BE THE OTHER WOMAN.
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGH TO LIVE HER LIFE FOR HER.
- SINCE WHEN DO I NEED A RIGH TO CARE ABOUT MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD? - YOU SOUND JUS LIKE YOUR MOTHER.
- JOE, I'M TURNING INTO MY MOTHER, AREN'T I? HUH? GO AHEAD, YOU CAN TELL ME.
I KNOW IT, I KNOW IT.
AM I GETTING SHORTER? - NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
I KNOW YOU LOVE BRENDA, AND THAT YOU WAN TO PROTECT HER.
BUT, RHODA, DON'T.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, OF COURSE.
YOU'RE RIGHT, JOE.
I'M NOT GONNA INTERFERE.
- GREAT.
- EVEN THOUGH I'M DYING TO.
DID YOU HEAR THAT? THAT WAS RIGHT OUT OF THE MOUTH OF IDA MORGENSTERN.
- HA HA HA.
COME ON, YOU'RE NOT GONNA TURN INTO YOUR MOTHER IN JUST ONE DAY.
- OH, JOE, IT'S NOT JUST TODAY THA MAKES ME THINK THIS.
I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THIS.
BUT SOME NIGHTS, HMM, WHEN THE MOON IS FULL, I START FEELING THA I AM GROWING ROLLERS YEARNING FOR SENSIBLE SHOES AND I FIND MYSELF STANDING BY THE WINDOW, BAYING AT MIAMI.
[BUZZER.]
- YEAH? - OH, THANK GOODNESS THERE'S SOMEONE DOWN THERE.
WHO IS THIS? - CARLTON, THIS IS RHODA.
- OH, GOOD, THIS IS CARLTON.
- YES? - LISTEN, COULD YOU PU MY UNIFORM IN THE DRYER? - WHAT? - IT'S IN THE MIDDLE WASHER.
- YOU SET THE DRYER ON AIR FLUFF.
I DON'T WAN MY EPAULETTES TO SHRINK.
IF YOU NEED ANY MORE INSTRUCTIONS, JUST GIVE ME A BUZZ.
- SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE GOT ONE GOING ALREADY.
- RHODA? - YEAH.
- RHODA? RHODA, GUESS WHAT? YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT.
- WHAT? - TRY TO GUESS.
- YOU'LL NEVER GUESS, BUT TRY.
HERE'S A HINT.
IT'S THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD YOU'LL EVER GUESS.
- UH, WE'RE THE WASHING MACHINES AND THEY'RE THE PEOPLE.
- RHODA, JIMMY ASKED ME TO GO AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND WITH HIM.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- NO.
HE JUST TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "LET'S GO TO VERMONT NEXT WEEKEND.
" VERMONT.
I EVEN LOVE HOW THE WORD SOUNDS, LIKE ONE OF THOSE THOUGHTS YOU CLOSE A LETTER WITH: "WRITE SOON.
TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING.
VERMONT.
BRENDA.
" - YOU MEAN, HE'S ABLE TO-- I MEAN, HE'S FREE TO GET AWAY FOR AN ENTIRE WEEKEND? - YEAH.
- NOT JUST, UH, THURSDAY NIGHT? AND NOT JUST TO NEW JERSEY? APPARENTLY, HE HAS NO ONE HE HAS TO CHECK WITH.
MAYBE HE REALLY HAS A DOG.
BRENDA, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT HE HAS INVITED YOU FOR A REGULAR WEEKEND.
- YEAH.
YEAH, JUS A REGULAR WEEKEND.
- THE KIND THAT IF MOM KNEW ABOUT IT, SHE'D HAVE BOTH HIS ARMS BROKEN? - RIGHT.
- CONGRATULATIONS.
- THANKS.
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
OH, BRENDA, I CAN' TELL YOU HOW RELIEVED I AM.
- THERE'S ONLY ONE DRAWBACK, RHO.
- YEAH? - HE HAS TO STAY WITH THE GUYS IN HIS UNION.
- OH.
BUT I'LL BE AT THE "HOLIDAY INN" UP THE ROAD, SO I STILL GET THE FREE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST AND EVERYTHING.
- BRENDA.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I'M GONNA KNOW WHAT THE TRAVEL SIZE TUBE OF CRES IS ALL ABOUT.
- BRENDA, THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WASN'T GONNA SAY, BUT NOW I GOTTA.
UH, THIS GUY YOU'RE DATING I THINK HE'S MARRIED.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, THINK ABOUT IT.
HE HAS TO BE HOME BY 11:00, HUH? AND HE NEVER GOES OUT IN THE CITY? NOW, A WEEKEND TOGETHER AT SEPARATE MOTELS.
NOW, THOSE ARE ALL SYMPTOMS OF A BAD CASE OF MARRIAGE.
- I TOLD YOU THAT 11:00 THING IS BECAUSE HE HAS TO GE HOME TO HIS DOG.
- BRENDA, PLEASE BELIEVE ME, I'VE HANDED A KLEENEX TO 4--COUNT 'EM-- 4 CRYING GIRLFRIENDS, WHO WERE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THA THEIR GUY WAS GETTING HOME TO HIS DOG--CANARY, CAT, HORSE.
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
I KNOW HE'S NOT MARRIED.
- I'M TELLING YOU-- - BECAUSE IF HE WAS MARRIED, HE WOULD HAVE A RING AROUND THE THIRD FINGER OF HIS LEFT HAND, INSTEAD OF A BAND-AID.
- HE HAS A BAND-AID? RIGHT HERE, AROUND HIS FINGER, BECAUSE HE CUT HIMSELF? - YES.
- AND IT'S TAKING A LONG TIME TO HEAL? - LEAVE ME ALONE.
- BRENDA, HE'S MARRIED! THE MAN IS MARRIED! - HE'S NOT MARRIED! WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO CONVINCE YOU? IF YOU JUST MET HIM.
- OK, THAT'S GOOD.
THE 4 OF US WILL GO TO DINNER, AND NOT ON A THURSDAY.
- OK, WE'LL DO I TOMORROW, ANY MEAL.
BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, SNACKS.
AND I'M SURE FOR THE SPECIAL OCCASION, HE WON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE HOME BY 11:00.
- YOU'RE ON.
- AND YOU CAN EVEN CHOOSE THE RESTAURANT.
ANYPLACE IN NEW JERSEY, YOU NAME IT.
- YOU JUST DRANK ALL 4 WATERS.
- AHH.
WHERE ARE THEY? WHAT'S HE DOING THAT'S HOLDING THEM UP? - MAYBE IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.
MAYBE SHE'S THE LATE ONE.
- NO WAY.
BRENDA'S BEEN DRESSED FOR THIS SINCE LAST SUNDAY.
OH.
BOY, I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE LATE.
- OH, COME ON, RHODA.
- I HATE HIM.
- RHODA, YOU DON'T HATE HIM BECAUSE HE'S LATE.
YOU HATE HIM BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S MARRIED.
COME ON.
- I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN' UNDERSTAND THAT MY SISTER CANNOT LOOK AT THIS GUY AND SEE THAT HE IS MARRIED.
I WAS WORRIED! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! WHY DID I JUST YELL ACROSS A RESTAURANT? MY MOTHER.
- HI, RHO, JOE.
- HI, BREN.
- HI, BRENDA.
- SO, HE COULDN' MAKE IT, HUH? HE DIDN'T SHOW UP? WELL, LISTEN, DON'T WORRY.
COME ON-- - WHADDAYA MEAN HE COULDN'T MAKE IT? - HE'S RIGHT HERE.
- WHERE? - OH, YEAH, I SEE HIM.
HERE HE COMES.
- HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT WAS HIM? - WHO COULD MISS HIM? THAT MAN IS NOT ONLY MARRIED, HE'S A FUGITIVE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID ABOUT BEING CHARMING TONIGHT? - YEAH.
- THE DEAL IS OFF.
- OH, RHODA? JOE? THIS IS JIMMY KLEIN.
- HI, JIMMY.
- JIMMY? MY SISTER RHODA AND JOE.
- HELLO, RHODA.
NICE TO SEE YA.
- HIYA.
- HI.
- WHY DON'T YOU SIT IN? - THERE ARE SO MANY LIGHTS IN HERE.
WHY IS IT SO BRIGHT IN HERE? DON'T THESE PEOPLE KNOW THERE'S AN ENERGY CRISIS? - LIGHTS? IT'S LIKE KING SOLOMON'S MINES IN HERE.
- SORRY WE'RE LATE, BUT I-- I GUESS IT'S MY FAULT.
- OH, NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THA YOU COULDN'T STOP HOME AND YOU HAD TO CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES AT THAT GAS STATION.
- WHAT?! WHY COULDN'T YOU CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES AT HOME? JIM? I MEAN, GOING TO A GAS STATION-- - OH, MISS? WE'RE HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, AND I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO TO A PLACE LIKE THIS WITHOUT ORDERING ONE OF THE SPECIALTIES, RIGHT? - RIGHT.
UH, WOULD YOU HELP US HERE AND TELL ME ABOUT SOME OF THE CUTE DRINKS THAT YOU HAVE? - HEY, I JUST TAKE YOUR DRINK ORDER.
I DON'T DO SMALL TALK.
- HEY, YOU DON' HAVE TO BE SO UPTIGHT.
- I'M SORRY! BUT DID YOU EVER HAVE TO WORK IN A GRASS SKIRT? - I SEE YOUR POINT.
- GUYS THINK THEY'VE GOTTA MAKE JOKES.
"YOUR GRASS IS DEAD.
WANNA GET MOWED?" - NO JOKES, I PROMISE.
- UH, I'LL HAVE THE VALLEY HIGH BALL.
- I'LL HAVE THE MOUNT FUJIYAMA.
- I'LL HAVE A DIET FUJIYAMA.
- AND I'LL-- I'LL HAVE THE SAME AS RHODA.
- MUST BE TERRIFIC BEING A SINGLE GUY IN NEW YORK TODAY.
HEH HEH.
TELL ME WHAT YOU SINGLE GUYS DO.
- UM, NOTHING.
- NOTHING? - HE DOESN'T MEAN NOTHING NOTHING.
HE MEANS NOTHING SPECIAL.
NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY.
NOTHING WRONG.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT THA TRAFFIC COMING OVER HERE? - HUH? - OH, YEAH, REALLY, - I'M NOT KIDDING.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
- THAT'S WHY I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF MY CAR.
- OH, WHA--HEY, I MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN BUYING A CAR.
- OH, YEAH? - RIGHT NOW I HAVE A '59 DESOTO STATION WAGON.
- UNUSUAL, YOU KNOW, FOR A SINGLE MAN TO DRIVE A STATION WAGON.
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR CLASSIC FAMILY CAR.
- A SURFER WOULD DRIVE A STATION WAGON.
A SUR--A SURFER WOULD DRIVE A STATION WAGON.
- UH-HUH.
PRETTY HARD TO HANG TEN IN THE EAST RIVER, BRENDA.
- WHAT KIND OF CAR ARE YOU SELLING? - OH, A '73 COUGAR.
FABULOUS CAR.
- I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY DRIVEN A COUGAR, BUT IT IS ONE--MY-- FAVORITE, UHANIMALS.
- OH, HERE THEY ARE.
OH, THAT'S A NICE ONE.
HA HA HA.
THAT'S THE FUJIYAMA.
WHOO HOO HOO HOO.
A DIET FUJIYAMA, RIGHT? [ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
- SO, I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST HERE.
- WHAT ARE WE TOASTING? - I DON'T KNOW BUT MAKE IT FAST.
I'VE GOT SOME LAVA ON MY WRIST.
- TO, UM, TRUTH.
- THAT'S REALLY CRUMMY, RHODA.
- OH, JIMMY, UH, HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO CUT YOURSELF? ON YOUR--YOU SHOULD PARDON THE EXPRESSION-- RING FINGER? - RHODA.
- AHH.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
JOE, YOU'RE DEAD RIGHT.
JIMMY? I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN SNIPING AT YOU.
THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR IT.
AHH EXCEPT I THINK THAT YOU'RE MARRIED.
- OH, HEY, HEY.
THERE'S NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.
- WELL, I THINK THERE IS.
I'M SORRY THAT I THINK YOU ARE MARRIED.
- OH, JIMMY.
ARE YOU MARRIED? - A LITTLE BIT.
- AHH.
- SORT OF.
BUT YEAH, YEAH.
BUT ONLY FOR 3 YEARS.
- SO, I'M, UH, JUS A THING ON THE SIDE, HUH? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A THING ON THE SIDE.
I WANNA BE A THING IN THE MIDDLE.
HOW COULD YOU GO ALONG, KNOWING I WAS LIKING YOU MORE AND MORE AND NOT TELL ME YOU WERE MARRIED? - I'M A VERY WEAK PERSON.
- ANYTHING ELSE? - NO, THAT'S ABOUT IT.
OH, I'M SORRY.
SORRY.
DID YOU WANT SOMETHING ELSE? - NO, I THINK I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU.
AND YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
- BRENDA, LISTEN, I'M SORRY, BUT I HAD TO DO IT.
IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
- THEN HOW COME I FEEL SO LOUSY? I'M GOING HOME NOW.
- BRENDAJOE, I'LL MEET YOU IN THE CAR.
- UH, MISS, CAN WE HAVE OUR CHECK PLEASE? HEY, I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS ANY OF OUR BUSINESS WHETHER YOU WERE MARRIED OR NOT, BU SINCE IT'S OUT IN THE OPEN AND EVERYTHING, I JUS WANTED TO TELL YA THA I THINK YOU'RE A CREEP.
- LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
UH, YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE YOU FOR BUTTING INTO MY LIFE? - THAT'S IT.
- FOR ME TO DO THAT, YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN.
- I CAN'T DO THAT, NOT AND MEAN IT.
- OK.
UH, I HAVE A COUNTER-OFFER.
- GOOD.
- YOU HAVE TO PROMISE TO TRY TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
- I CAN'T! BRENDA, I JUST TRIED NOT TO! HOW CAN I NOT BUTT INTO YOUR LIFE IF I SEE SOMETHING THA MAYBE GONNA HURT YOU? - DON'T WORRY.
LOOK HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO FIND SOMEBODY TO HURT ME THIS TIME? - BRENDA? I COULD'VE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT IF ONLY I DIDN'T SEE THAT BAND-AID.
- OH.
LISTEN, I GUESS I KINDA KNEW ALL ALONG THAT HE HAD TO BE AT LEAS SEMI-MARRIED.
- I FIGURED.
- BUT THERE'S JUST SOME THINGS PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE.
LIKE THAT TIME YOU TOLD ME HOW BABIES WERE MADE AND I DIDN' TALK TO YOU FOR A WEEK.
- LISTEN, I FELT THE SAME WAY WHEN I FOUND OUT.
NOW, IT DOESN' BOTHER ME SO MUCH.
- AW, COME ON.
WE BOTH KNOW I'M GONNA FORGIVE YOU.
WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE GONNA GET FORGIVEN HERE, THAT'S NO SECRET.
- AH, BRENDA, YOU'RE GONNA GE OVER THIS.
3 WEEKS MAXIMUM.
- YEAH, LISTEN, IT WASN'T A TOTAL LOSS.
NOW, I CAN WRITE A BOOK ON WHERE'S IT'S AT IN JERSEY.
[BUZZER.]
- YES? - UH, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- YES, CARLTON, WHAT? - I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF ANYTHING, BUT YOU WERE JUS DOWN IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM? - YES.
- WELL, I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF ANYTHING, BUT I PUT SOMETHING OF MINE IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET DOWN THERE, AND THIS SOMETHING AND THE BASKE ARE BOTH MISSING.
- YEAH? - THIS IS NOT AN ACCUSATION, MIND YOU, BUT YOU WERE DOWN THERE.
- OK.
CARLTON, WAIT A SECOND.
I'LL CHECK MY BASKET.
COULD YOU DESCRIBE THE ARTICLE YOU'RE MISSING? - HALF-EMPTY.
- YOU GOT IT.