Sam and Cat (2013) s01e14 Episode Script

Hm, let's see - Three crack.
- Oh! Two bam.
_.
What's your problem? _.
_.
Nona! Look, Sam and I came to see you.
I can't wait to leave.
Oh, it's my granddaughter, Cat.
Over here baby.
Hi.
Look, we brought you presents.
For your butt.
For my what? Your bottom.
I don't know what she's talking about.
Sure you do.
The other day you told Sam and me how the stools here at Elderly Acres are really hard, so when you sit on them they make your butt sore.
I never said that.
_.
_.
So We made you these cushions.
We call 'em "stool softeners".
Okay.
Bye, girls.
No.
Wait, wait, who wants to try a stool softener? I'll take one.
Oh, my pills.
Oh.
This could take a while.
Oh.
Now, Cat, when I told you about my sore bottom I didn't mean I wanted you to come in here and tell everyone at Elderly Acres about it.
Runaway scooter! Daddy! No! Oh! - Daddy! - Carl! Oh, thank you so much for pushing my father out of the way.
Sure, it was fun.
Are you all right? I think so, thanks to this little girl who saved me.
- Ah, it was nothing.
Is there a reward? - Sam! I saved him.
Well, yeah, but we're a team.
What do you mean? Well, my granddaughter Cat and her abrasive friend Sam here are professional babysitters.
So there is a reward? No! You know, you should think about having them babysit your little Oscar.
Her Oscar? Oscar's my little boy.
And I don't think I could ever leave him with a babysitter.
- Why not? - He's very clumsy.
He's just always getting hurt.
He's an embarrassment to the whole family.
Oh, he's accident prune? You mean accident prone.
Naw, I'm pretty sure it's prune.
I like prunes.
I'll wander off.
I think you can trust Sam and Cat to babysit Oscar.
You saw how Cat protected your father.
- Yeah.
- Uh Are you sure you girls would take good care of him? - Promise.
- Probably.
Here, for saving my life, please take this hundred dollars.
Oh, I can't take that.
Yeah.
She can't take that.
I'm never that far.
No matter where you are.
Believe it, we can make it come true.
We'll do it our way, no matter what they say.
Because no one's gonna do it for you.
Ooh, ooh, yeah! But I, I, I, I I'll never say, never.
As long as we keep it together.
Oh! If you're living a dream, and you know what it means.
Then you can't let them change your mind.
It's the life that we choose, and we still break the rules.
But it's all gonna be just fine.
Just fine.
Yeah, we're all gonna be just fine.
You and me we're gonna be just fine.
Oh.
Um Sam, Sam, wake up.
Sam, wake up.
What'd I do now? You can't prove anything.
- Sam.
- What? Look at Oscar.
You interrupted my nap to make me look at a kid slurpin' noodles? - Come on.
- Ugh! - Oscar? - Yes, Ma'am? Um Don't you want us to take you out for lunch? - No, no, no, no, no, no.
- But His Mom said we can't take him anywhere or do anything with him.
Since when do you do what anyone says? Since it means I'm getting paid ten bucks an hour for napping.
But babysitting is supposed to make kids happy.
Right, Oscar? Don't you wanna be happy? I dunno, what's it like? - Did you hear that? - Do you hear this? Well, don't you at least want a fork? Oh, no.
The last time I used a fork I punctured my throat.
Well, don't you want us to make you a fun sandwich or a hot dog or something? Ugh, listen, his Mom was super clear on what we could feed him.
- I know but - Ut! She said he can only have one portion From this sack of cold Wet noodles.
Well, can't we at least snazz up that spaghetti with some sauce and a meatball? Sauce can splatter and get in my eye.
Oh.
And when I was nine I choked on a meatball.
Poor Oscar.
My friend Felix had to squeeze it outta me.
I won't tell you where it came out.
Well, how about pizza? Pizza has sharp corners.
So, all you can have are those cold wet noodles? Oh, no.
I can also have warm water from this rubber cup.
Sam, it's not funny, it's sad! Yeah, hilariously sad.
May I please stand up and go visit your bathroom? Sam.
Sure you can.
Thank you so much.
I love that kid.
We are taking that boy out to lunch, to Bots, so he can have a fun time.
Oh, come on, why blow a good thing? - We're getting paid to do nothing.
- But it's wrong.
Okay.
So then if we take him to Bots and he gets hurt, then what? It's a restaurant.
How could somebody get hurt in a Ah, help me! Predicament! Predicament! Ah! Oscar! What happened? I slipped on some lotion and fell in the toilet.
Sam.
How can you breathe in there? I found an air pocket.
Here, I know how to get him out.
Don't flush that toilet.
Hey, Goomer, come on, we got training to do.
Hey, dude, you know, you can punch better if you keep your elbows in more.
Like this.
See? Give it a shot.
There you go, see? Snap it, left-right, come on.
Nice, elbows in.
- Oh hey, there ya are.
- How could you? - What? - You're training another man.
- Goomer.
- I can't believe it.
What happened to us? Dude, I was just showing him a couple moves.
You're the only fighter I manage.
Don't touch me.
Ah, jeez.
I leave for two minutes to get a pudding cup! And I come back to catch you with another fighter.
Just eat your pudding.
No.
I might choke on my own disappointment.
- Hey, Dice.
- Hi.
- Hey, guys, what's up? - Well Be careful, Sam and Cat.
Next time you come in here, Dice'll probably be talking to two other teenage girls.
We're trying to work through some stuff.
We're trying to work through stuff.
My goodness, is this a real gymnasium? - Yeah.
- Normal people call it a gym.
Do they? - Who's that? - Some kid we're babysitting.
I'm a boy.
Congrats, man.
Hey, Dice, can we borrow some of the protective padding? You know, that fighters wear to keep them from getting hurt.
Sure, no prob.
Too bad there's no protective padding for a broken heart.
Oh my gosh.
Is this a real gum ball machine? Yeah, why? I've heard about gum like this in ball form.
Oscar, you can have a gum ball if you want.
Yay! Now what do I do? - Just turn the knob thing.
- Of course.
- Cat, go get it for him.
- Kay-Kay.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'll get it.
- You see it? - No, not yet.
Oh, Sir, there's a boy under there, be Ah! Predicament! Predicament! Ah! Ah! Did you find your gum ball? How's your back? Eh, it's a little sore.
Well, at least you found your gumball.
- No, I didn't.
- Oh.
Well, then Have some salt.
You know, you look so cute in your protective padding.
Yeah.
You sure don't look stupid.
Thanks.
I feel so safe and snazzy in it.
Yay.
But, you know, you don't need to wear that stuff in a restaurant.
No? No, there's nothing dangerous in here.
Hello.
Welcome to Bots.
Thanks.
We're spear fishermen.
I see.
We wanna eat lunch.
It okay if we bring our spear guns in here? Hmm.
Are they loaded? - Oh yeah.
- They are loaded.
Well, sure.
Have a seat at that table right near the boy wearing the red protective padding.
Great, thanks.
- Appreciate it.
- Sure.
All right.
- Nachos! - Woo! You like nachos? I don't know.
They look risky.
- They're fine.
- Nah.
Are you sure? I yearn to be safe.
You're not gonna get harmed in a restaurant.
Aw, man, my tarantula got out.
Anybody seen my tarantula? Big spider? About the size of my hand? Super poisonous? Hey, how come our nachos don't have as much cheese as their nachos? Yeah.
Hey, we have a problem over here.
Hi.
Are you done with your foods? No.
We don't have enough cheese on our nachos.
Oh no! More nacho cheese for table nine.
Understood.
Ah man, I gotta buy me a new spear gun.
- Why? What's wrong with that one? - The trigger.
It's loose.
Yeah, the thing goes off all the time, even when I don't want it to.
Yikes.
Try not to bump it.
I'll try.
Hello.
I've been notified you want more cheese on your nachos.
- Yep.
- Right there.
Please keep your hands away from the plate.
This cheese is extremely hot.
- All right.
- Okay.
Cheese.
Ah! Ah! Ah, it's hot! Ah! Hot cheese! Predicament! - Oh no! - Ah! Hot cheese predicament! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ugh! How's your face feel? Not so good.
That cheese was so hot.
Oscar, we're so sorry.
- I'm not.
- Sam! Hey, I'm the one who said we never should've taken him out of here in the first place.
Well, yeah, but I'm gonna have to agree with Sam on that one.
See? The kid knows.
I just wanted him to have some fun.
That's sweet, but I'm not meant for fun.
Aw.
I'm better off sitting on the floor reading a book.
Surrounded by soft pillows.
No.
That's so sad.
These noodles are gross.
Come on, we still have two hours until your Mom gets back.
Can't you think of one fun thing you wanna try? - Like what? - I dunno, uh Ride a bike, or deep fry a turkey Pet a unicorn.
Any of those activities would result in severe injury to my person.
You can deep fry a turkey? Oh! What about sports? Is there a sport you like? Is spelling a sport? - No.
- Ha! Ooh, I do like to watch golf on the television.
Golf.
Okay.
Golf is fun, I guess.
Sam? It's almost dark.
We are not taking the kid to play golf.
Can't we just go to one of those places where you hit the golf balls? - Dude - What could go wrong? What could go wrong? Remember when he tried to take a wazz and landed upside-down in our toilet? That happens to me all the time.
Come on.
We'll just call Dice and Goomer and we'll all go together, we'll be sure to protect Oscar, and we'll have a fun time.
- Ow! - What now? My pants are pinching me.
And step And step And step.
- And yay! - Yay! Wow.
Look at all the clubs and balls.
Yeah.
What's going on? Golf.
I know, but where are the horses? Horses? You must be thinking of tennis.
There's no horses in golf.
Yeah.
They got rid of 'em? - Huh? - You must be thinking of tennis.
All right.
Was that thunder? - Yeah.
Probably gonna rain.
- Well, let's get to it.
- We're at tee box number six.
- Yeah.
And let's hurry.
Yeah.
So nothing bad happens to Oscar.
Let's go, let's go.
Go, go, go.
Scooch over, scooch over, people.
We don't have time for this, we're keeping a boy safe.
Yay! Yay.
- So, you guys made up? - Yeah.
I'm not mad at Dice anymore on account of he bought me a new watch.
Aw, sweet.
Ah, it was nine bucks.
Look.
It's got a purple squirrel on it.
See? His arms and legs tell you the time.
Her arms and legs.
Am I really gonna whack some golf balls? Well, there's really nothing else you can whack.
Wow.
But you're gonna wear this helmet, and we're all gonna stand around you.
- To keep you from getting hurt.
- Thank you.
Yeah.
That's definitely a lady squirrel.
Goomer.
Hey, my mouth feels dry.
Is it all right if I go get some water? I brought my rubber cup.
- Sure.
- I don't care.
There's a water fountain over there by the club hut.
Kay-Kay.
Ah! Predicament! Ah! Predicament! Ah! Predicament! Poor kid.
Never got his cup of water.
This is shocking.
What kind of babysitters are you? Usually we do a pretty decent job.
Your kid's got some real problems.
You think I don't know that? It's why I gave you specific rules, which you just ignored.
We didn't just ignore your rules.
We thought about 'em, then we ignored 'em.
Yeah.
Clearly.
And thanks to you "babysitters".
My son fell in a toilet! Had a large man almost crush him, and got repeatedly whacked in the face with golf clubs.
- Don't forget the hot cheese.
- Got him right in the face.
It's true.
But, hey, at least the driving range guy gave him this free golf club.
And all I had to do was sign a piece of paper promising not to sue.
Oscar, go wait outside.
- But I think it's starting to rain out - Just Yes, Ma'am.
Well? Say something.
I ate your gross bag of noodles.
You shouldn't have said that.
Too late now.
Come on, Oscar, I'm taking you away from these irresponsible girls right now.
- No! - What? First, you apologize to Sam and Cat.
Apologize? For what? For shouting at them after they gave me the best day of my life.
Yeah, I got hurt.
Real bad! But for the first time in my life, I had fun.
I went to the bathroom alone.
I saw gum in ball form.
I felt hot cheese And I went to a place of golf.
We had fun with you, too, Oscar.
Mm, kinda.
Oh, Oscar, what is your point? That living life, trying new things It's worth getting a little hurt sometimes.
Yeah.
Haven't you heard the 47 songs that say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? That's so true.
I mean, look at me.
I'm okay.
I'm still standing here with my very own golf club.
Ah! Predicament! Predicament! Predicament! Rap so hot yeah, I spit that fire.
Live so good even my driver got a driver.
Wrist so ice got bling that'll blind you.
And a pink Caddie coupe call it sweet and low rider.
- Yeah! - Woo! I'm living that good life, baby can't ya see? Big bossin' on the corner they got all eyes on me.
And I'm back for the thrill of it.
Folks they say I'm killing it, fact I'm just a little bit short of many millions.
Rap is what I'm stickin' with that's how I be getting rich.
So I bust a little bit about how I be living it.
I'm living that good life, baby can't ya see? Big bossin' on the corner they got all eyes on me.