So Random! (2011) s01e14 Episode Script

Miss Piggy

Give it up For the cast of So Random! Why are you dressed like Taylor Swift? I supposed to be tantrum girl! - What are you doing?! - Uh, wait, Why are you dressed like M.
C.
Grammar.
When you know we're doing a Roadkill sketch tonight? No no no no no.
A Taylor Swift sketch.
No no no no.
We're doing M.
C.
Grammar! We are doing M.
C.
Grammar! Yeah, I'm doing M.
C.
Grammar! No no no! Why are you guys fighting? You know it gives me nightmares when you guys fight.
Sorry, Matthew.
We want your dreams to be pleasant, But we all wanna do a sketch with our guest star.
Guest star? Nobody told me about a guest star.
Wait wait.
You didn't hear it? We've only got the biggest diva in show business.
Ah, Lady Gaga? - Bigger! - Oprah?! - Smaller.
- Simon Cowell? Pinker.
Who's Pinker than Simon Cowell? Only the star of stage, screen and song Give it up for miss Piggy! Mwah mwah! Yes, it moi! That's amazing! That's incredible! Right? So now you understand why we were fighting.
We all want miss Piggy to be in a sketch.
- With our favorite characters.
- Mm-hmm.
Taylor.
M.
C.
Grammar.
Chad Dylan Cooper.
Yeah, see? No, we're just all a little competitive.
- About who where did Matthew go? - What? Uh, you're not gonna believe this, But we took a vote in front of a live studio audience.
And then the randoms decidid should do a sketch with you.
I don't believe this.
Ahhh, you're not going to beliethis, But only moi decides who does a sketch with moi.
Oh, and for the record, I'm much bigger than Oprah.
"so random!" it's a party, get down - "so random!" - It's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around a fantastic journey, a little bit of this and that you know we gonna chill, might not come back so if you're ready, get set 'cause it's time to roll with "so random!" stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing come on It's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around "so random!" Oentrez-vous.
That means "come in-ez vous.
" Hi, miss Piggy.
I'm Grady.
And I'd love to be really bad.
With you.
Mm, not bad enough to get dressed appropriately, it seems.
Oh, no no no, this is for the character I wanna do with you.
I'm Roadkill mcgill.
I'll tell you what.
- What? - That's uh - That's my catchphrase.
- What is? I'll tell you what.
Well, tell me already! I'll tell you what.
No, I'll tell you what.
Here's my catchphrase - Get out.
- Well, that's not a very good catch - get out! - Oh, all right.
So she gets all upset when her food touches other food - Mm-hmm.
- Or her mom brings her the wrong kind of ice.
I call the character tantrum girl.
Tantrum girl.
You're tantrum girl? Sweetie, I am the original tantrum girl.
Watch me work.
Where's my water? Whe's my towel boy? I'm too hot! I'm too cold! Why aren't these walls the same color as my shelves? This has been miss Piggy on tantrum girl.
shake that, shake that, shake that all around.
Mm, great barbecue, Noah.
Ah! I mean, is there anything better.
Than the smell of grilled meat on a summer evening? You know, it's times like this that make it good.
- To be young and good-looking.
Hey, other young and good-looking people, I brought some of my famous potato salad.
Mm.
- Hey guys.
- Oh.
Karen, uh, I hate to tell you this, But your famous potato salad stinks.
- But it's uh it's not my potato salad.
- What?! No, it's not.
It's - Ugh.
It's Tommy.
- Whoa! What-what? What? What's Tommy? Uh, Tommy, How do I put this gently? Uh Oh, dude, you smell like a wet mop.
On a crosstown bus on a hot summer day.
That crashed into a cheese shop that sells dirty socks.
Do your friends think you smell like a wet mop On a crosstown bus on a hot summer day That crashed into a cheese shop that sells dirty socks? - Yes! - Apparently.
Well, you could try the old-fashioned method Of regular showering and deodorants.
Or? Or you could solve your odor problem the new-fashioned way With the always crowd-pleasing smell Of grilled meat.
- I like the smell of grilled meat.
- Who doesn't? That's why the makers done it againit have With odor-meaters! Wow! So how do odor-meaters work? It's easy simply locate the source of the odor Oh.
Right there.
Then based on the level of your stinkiness, Choose your thickness Flank stank, filet mign-yuck Or beef smellington.
Toss a couple of those juicy odor-meaters On an already heated grill And cook those bad boys up.
- Oh! For how long? - The same amount of time That it would take to shower and apply deodorant.
Uh, how long does that take? I I-I don't know, five to eight minutes.
Oh, fine.
Okay, all right.
Ooh.
After meat is thoroughly cooked, Apply directly to the source of the odor.
Ah ah ow! Oh, yeah, and let the meat cool.
Now you're ready to go from b.
O.
To - Tommy, oh, you smell great! - Mm.
- What is your secret? - Ooh! Oh, you know, Meat.
Odor-meaters Smelling great never tasted so good! Oh, thanks, odor-meaters.
Also available in hot dog, Baby back ribs and soy Patty varieties.
Warning: May attract unwanted attention From stray dogs.
Okay, kermie.
Kermie, kermie, kermie, I'm going to explain this to you one more time.
"so random!," the show within a show, Is now its ownhow.
Yes, Chad's a random now.
Deal with it! Now what?! Hold oa second, kermie.
Come in.
- I am Damien! - I am shayne! We play the anime brothers! Toyo! We can all be in a funny sketch together.
Ha ha-ha, ha ha-ha, ha ha-ha, ha ha-ha.
Bwah ha-ha, bwah-ah.
Doo ooh, bwah.
Yes, kermie, that is the sound.
Of two nerds crying.
Coming up next on "so random!" Miss "p" to the "I" to the double "g.
" Donuts are a thing of the past! No.
Bagels are the breakfast of the future! I cooked you up a nice Angus steak.
Did somebody say "anguis"? - "so random!" - Get down.
Sire, the baron has arrived.
Oh, Hmm Hmm.
Oh.
Duke of donuts, I came immediately.
When I received your correspondence.
What is your grievance? Baron of bagels, I have summoned you.
Because you have broken.
The happy face breakfast treaty Which decrees that donut and bagel.
Should live peacefully side by side.
Each in our own domain.
Oh, spare me the lecture, Duke! Oh.
I am aware of the treaty Sweet on one side, savory on the other.
And never the two shall mix! Never the two shall mix, you say, Then tell me My good bagel, how do you explain - This strawberry bagel?! - Oh-hh! Um, um.
When you first introduced it, I thought, "Hmm, sounds vaguely like a donut.
" - But I let it slide.
- Oh hoo, you ohh! Then came blueberry.
Yes! Cinnamon raisin! Yes! - Oh! - And worst of all The chocolate chip bagel! - No no.
- There is cinnamon, chocolate.
These are the domains of sweet, Sweet donuts.
Oh-hh! You still have your precious frosting.
Do I? Then what, pray tell, do you call These?! Well Why, I call them flavored cream cheeses.
I call them glaze! Sweet bagels with even sweeter frostings! Spreads! Whatever you call them! - Oh.
- I will not allow it.
This must end! - Never! - Whoa! Donuts are a thing of the past! No.
Bals are the breakfast of the future! - No.
- And I will keep adding new flavors, Each sweet, sweeter than the next! You will do no such thing! Oh-hh, I am your king now! Bow before me! Never.
- Ah.
- Okay.
Oh, what? Ha! Oh, ooh, en garde.
Time to slice this bagel! Hyah-hh yo! Oh, those sprinkles, that's pretty good.
Wow, are those sesame seeds? - That's so odd for breakfast.
- Oh, not bad.
- Oh, I'm getting full.
- Is that jelly inside? Oh, this is good.
And that's how the baygnu.
That is the stupidest story I've ever heard.
come on! More pink lemonade, my pink lady? I would love some, Chad Dylan coopy.
Thank you, miss piggy-ee.
Now you know what would make your visit to "so random!" even better? - What? - You, me, a sketch, But let's talk about that over dinner.
I cooked you up a nice Angus steak.
Did somebody say "anguis"? What are you doing here? Oh, my Agent's always on me.
About doing a skit with miss Piggy.
And I said, "no-oo.
" - So about that sketch - Yeah, I've, uh, suddenly lost my appetite.
Oh.
Well, we can eat later.
That's fine.
For you.
Oh.
Leave that.
So I have this character named M.
C.
Grammar.
And I was thinking we could drop some rhymes together.
Ooh, you think that you and moi should rap? - Hmm.
- Uh, uh-uh-uh, You and I should rap.
Becau"moi" translates to "me," you see? Miss "p" to the "I" to the double "g.
" "h" to the "I" to the "yah!" I hate being corrected.
More random fun is coming right up.
Stick around.
my name's Tawni and I play Taylor she sings everything, we can do a duet.
Another lousy tale Of "the real princesses of New Jersey.
" rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair.
Not for nothing, Punzie, But ya seriously need an elevator.
- "so random!" - It's a party, get down.
my name's Tawni and I play Taylor she sings everything, we can do a duet.
my name is Piggy, I play Piggy it's in Piggy's contract, Piggy sings solo.
.
No, I'm serious.
I work solo.
Get out.
Don't be such a princess.
Princess! That's the first sketch idea I've liked! And now here's another lousy tale Of "the real princesses of New Jersey.
" Wow, fancy new digs.
Yeah, top floor of the tower, no less.
- I'm happy for her.
- Me too.
I think she thinks she's better than us.
Me too.
Hey, yo, Punzie, let us up! You gotta say the magic words.
Oh, just let us up.
Seriously, would it kill you to say the stinking words? Pretty please with a What's that on top? Oh, yeah.
Do it! Every time with the "rapunzel, rapunzel, Let down your" blah blah blah.
You know, it wasn't so bad when she lived in a two-story walk-up, But now I gotta drag myself up 14 flights of hair.
Let's just get this over with.
Rapunzel, rapunzel, Let down your hair.
Oh! Are you sick in the head?! No, I thought you said chair.
Why would we say chair? You coulda killed us! Just let down your hair! All right, all right, all right.
Oh, and bring the chair on your way up! Not for nothing, Punzie, But ya seriously need an elevator.
Beauty, Cindy, You two look great.
Have you lost weight? Lost weight?! More like they found it.
A couple of less cannolis wouldn't kill either of 'em.
Rapunzel, Your place is mad classy.
Yeah, must've cost a fortune.
Ah, I do okay.
Let me get you some snacks.
You two look like you haven't eaten in an hour! I don't get it, we all work at j.
C.
Princess.
How can she afford this? I don't know, but keep her busy while I find out.
Mirror app, mirror app on my cell, How can Punzie live this well? Mm, uh, While you two blow your paychecks.
Getting your hair cut every other day, Punzie hasn't spent one dime on her hair since she was born.
That adds up.
You do the math.
I'm not doing the math! You're the magic mirror.
You do the math! Just do the math.
I ain't doing the math! You know what? Forget you! Wow, you sound like my second wife.
All she would talk about Yo, Cindy, you gotta try these lady fingers.
They're sandwiches, not actually some bread's fingers.
- So Punzie - Yeah.
You, uh you seeing anyone? Hmm? Someone with perhaps a large wallet.
To pay for your glorious new lifestyle?! Subtle.
Moiwho has time for love? I'm too busy learning to love myself.
Dry spell, huh? I have hobbies.
Well, I met a charming prince.
He gives me glass slippers, we go to fancy balls.
It's all very romantical.
Oh.
Excuse me.
- I'm getting the tug.
Someone wants in.
- Who? I think I've got my first gentleman climber.
How exciting, Although he can't possibly be as charming.
As my prince carmine.
Nice hair.
Who is the lovely thing.
- At the end of these locks? Hello.
- Oh.
Carmine! Cindy.
Hello.
How are you? It's good to see you're here.
Yeah.
And here you are! Wait, this is your glass slipper guy? What are you doing climbing up another woman's tower?! Look, here's the thing.
It's a very large kingdom, a lot of princesses, Only one prince, if you know what I'm saying.
So if I see a glass slipper or a sleeping broad.
Or some random hair hanging out of a window, I'm gonna go investigate.
What? Like you wouldn't? Get out of here.
Forget it.
Apparently, I have interrupted your little princess party.
How are you? Don't want to impose.
I'll just let myself out.
Hasta la bye-bye.
Cindy, you're gonna let him do that to you? Tsk, what am I gonna do? Well, you can't let him do you like that.
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna use my do.
Ladies, I've got a confession.
- These are extensions.
- We know.
Well, let's let carmine know.
You took out your extensions for me! - Oh, that's mad loyal.
- Yeah.
Hey, sisters before misters.
Bump it, princesses! - Ow.
Oh, wow.
- Oh wow, watch the bling.
Watch the bling! This has been another lousy tale Of "the real princesses of New Jersey.
" Thank you.
All right, that's our show.
We hope you guys had a great time! Let's give it up for my best friend and my fellow princess, Miss Piggy! Aw, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you.
It was such an honor for you people to work with moi.
Kissy kissy.
Mwah mwah mwah.
Okay, kermie, you can bring the car around now.
And, uh, keep the motor running, all right? Good night, everybody! "so random!" get down arty, "so random!" it's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around a fantastic journey, and that it of this you know we gonna chill, might not come back so if you're ready, to roll cause it's time with "so random!" stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing.

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