St. Denis Medical (2024) s01e14 Episode Script

1
That's terrific.
I'm loving how that's healing.
We can't thank you enough, Dr. Schweitz.
This is amazing.
Oh, come on.
Seriously, you're a miracle worker.
[CHUCKLES] Wow.
Oh, that's so kind of you.
Honestly, that means
more to me than this.
Yeah, Top Docs of the Year.
Yeah, they just sent it to me.
Who cares?
It's not why you do it.
So as far as physically
A nice frame, too, right?
Yeah, people think it's mahogany.
Nice try, haters.
African blackwood.
So when can Leo play soccer again?
It's museum glass.
UV-protected, zero glare.
Guaranteed for 30 years.
[SIGHS] Yep.
This is not why you do it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
It's Ladybug Day at St. Denis.
[CHUCKLES] I am all about breast health.
And one-third of women are
behind on their mammograms.
So our new Ladybug Program
includes extended hours,
shuttle service,
and bugging our ladies to get checked.
[CHUCKLES]
We're bugging our ladies.
We're ladybugs.
That's why we dress like this.
They get it, Joyce.
It's funny.
You didn't wear your costume.
I did my own thing.
OK. Well, that's cool. That's great.
OK, the three pillars of
our Ladybug Program
are, "Make the time," "Don't be afraid,"
and "Lean on a loved one."
M-D-L, "middle."
Well, that's a stretch.
Well, I ran it past you guys
in the group chat
and no one responded.
I'm signing up right now.
We're going to film the whole
thing to get the word out.
Mammogram Cam. Oh, yeah!
OK, Matt, what do we got here?
Something's wrong with his chin.
That is an astute insight.
Moving forward,
why don't we just default
to you quietly passing me the iPad?
Oh, yes.
It started as cellulitis that
has now turned into an abscess.
Really? Did you go to another clinic?
No, just looked it up on the internet.
Ah, the internet.
People come in here
with their medical degrees
from Google University.
Wish it were that simple.
I can't think of one thing
that the internet
has improved in our society.
Except Elf Yourself.
I do like to Elf myself
every Christmas.
Uh, yeah, Top Docs.
Yeah, they included Wyoming,
so it's actually more
than just the Northwest.
[CHUCKLING] That's great.
Sorry, Val.
Everyone's pestering me
about this whole
- Don't care.
- OK.
Who is this youngster you have here?
Wait, this your boy-toy?
Oh, no. [CHUCKLES]
Robbing the cradle, Val.
Not cool. Not OK in these times.
Mr. Cunningham had a fall,
but we've taken care of him
and his family's coming by
to pick him up.
You don't have to be good.
Hmm?
Oh, he's suffering from dementia,
so he keeps repeating that phrase.
You don't have to be good.
Yep. There it is. OK, well, I'll
You don't have to be good.
Well, in my case, you might be mistaken.
[CLEARS THROAT]
See, I'm a trauma surgeon,
so I actually have to
be better than good.
I have to be perfect.
Bruce, he's not talking to you.
Of course. Just just saying.
You don't have to be good.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Mammogram time!
Now, typically, you're not going
to know the nurse helping you.
But I'm lucky because today I have my
- Ladybugs.
- Ladybugs.
If you don't do it in unison,
it doesn't work.
Well, the time has come
for me to disrobe
and expose my breasts.
Now, I am not ashamed.
We are in a medical setting,
so here we go.
And ta-da!
No, we're just doing one at a time.
- Yes. OK.
- Just
I know that.
Just want to show that
it's a normal thing to do.
Totally normal.
So as the plate comes down, you're
you're going to feel
some pressure on the breast.
There it is. Yes.
OK.
So after 40, you should
be doing this every year.
Yep, there it is. I'm really feeling it.
And if you have a history
in your family of
OK, is this a mammogram machine
or a panini press?
Just breathe, Joyce. Just breathe.
- I am breathing.
- Just breathe.
It's not stopping.
It's not stopping. Make it stop.
- Almost there.
- Make it ow! Ow!
Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
Done.
Easy-peasy. Great. [CHUCKLES]
Hit me again!
We do have to do the other breast.
I know how many breasts
I have, Dr. Ruth.
All right. Ta-da!
Still just one at a time, though.
- Let's go. All right.
- Still just one at a time.
OK, Mr. Harris.
It looks like you do have an abscess
and staph was the culprit,
so let's talk treatment.
Hey, just like you said it was!
Just going to turn you back
around towards your work
like a little action figure.
[CHUCKLES] Beep-boop.
Should we order a CT scan?
I should order a CT scan.
I read on WebMD that you might
want to treat with vancomycin.
Did you now?
Well, you may be interested to learn
But ChatGPT said
that would be overkill, so.
I'm sorry. Was that what
you were going to say?
Yeah.
At this point,
you gotta be asking yourself
what we're even doing here. [CHUCKLES]
I actually I have this
situation with my toe.
Just sort of feels off.
Could you ask the thing what that is?
Hey, Matt, quick chat over here, please.
Yeah, I just want to talk
to Ben about the toe situation.
We can't let Ben and some AI robot
tell us how to do our job.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, were they wrong?
Not the point, man.
People should not be looking to
computers for medical advice.
Is this 'cause you got
locked out of your email?
See, that's not [SIGHS]
We are the experts.
We don't want patients
coming in here telling us
what they want and how they want it.
This is a hospital.
It's not some Quiznos.
Sorry, what's a Quiznos?
It's a [BLEEP] sandwich shop, man.
You don't have to be good.
No. OK.
Absolutely guys, you got
to keep that door closed.
All right? It's a fire thing.
Fire could just
sweep right through there.
Results time.
[CHUCKLES] The journey concludes.
It's just that simple, ladies.
OK. So overall, things look good.
And there you have it.
We did find a small lump
in the left breast.
It looks benign, but we should
do a biopsy just to be safe.
Perfect.
That's an example of what could happen.
These are your actual results.
Obviously, early detection
for the win, right?
That's why you got to listen to your
- Ladybugs.
- Ladybugs.
God, it has to sound fun!
It has to sound fun when you say it!
Hey, Joyce. We talked to Radiology.
They can do your biopsy right away.
Well, we're going to
have to wait on that.
I got to make sure
everything's set up here.
I've got emails, return calls.
This costume is slowing me way down.
But isn't prioritizing women's health
the whole reason
we're wearing dumb costumes?
That is not a costume.
That's an outfit.
You're not fooling anybody.
- Come on, Joyce.
- No, I'm sorry.
She's way too pretty to skirt the rules.
We look stupid next to her.
Listen, it is a little unfair.
You really do need to get
the biopsy as soon as possible.
I don't have time.
Look at these pamphlets.
They're
- they're strewn, strewn about.
- OK, OK.
But, you know, "Make the time."
That's one of the pillars
of your program.
Yeah, well, I am making the time.
For other women. We've
got a big group of them
It kind of seems
like you're being afraid,
which the second pillar says not to do.
Oh, now you're into the pillars?
Wow.
I'm a little worried about Joyce.
I mean, I get it.
People tend to avoid
these types of things.
Yeah, I've had my check engine light on
for, like, two years now.
The important thing is that
I'm sorry. Two years?
It's the engine, babe. Check the engine.
Here she goes.
Broken leg in 117 is complaining
about pain behind the knee.
That's totally normal.
It's to be expected.
- Yeah.
- Could be a blood clot.
I just asked ChatGPT.
You might want
to check for a blood clot.
Thank you, Mr. Harris,
but we don't need your input.
- OK, Keith, you're all set.
- OK.
[WHISPERING] Check for a blood clot.
- Oh, pardon?
- Nothing.
[WHISPERING] Check for a blood clot.
I I just can't
I didn't catch that.
[WHISPERING] Check for a blood clot.
[WHISPERING] I almost had it that time.
Hey, Keith, why don't
you take that break?
I will finish the check-ins myself.
OK.
[WHISPERING] Keith.
Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith.
Keith!
[WHISPERING] Check for a
Come on, Joyce.
Any of these doctors can do a biopsy.
Just pick your favorite.
Oh, please.
How about Dr. Hogan?
[SIGHS] Too sweaty.
Oh.
Dr. Lee, too old. Edwards?
Oh, yeah, he'd love to get a gander
at what I'm working with.
He's a doctor.
I'm sure he would be professional.
Oh, not with me.
No, he cannot turn it off.
He's a pervert.
Joyce.
Only with me.
He's very professional otherwise.
He's just a perv with me.
Um, I know that you're not doing this,
but it kind of seems like
maybe you're making excuses.
Just pick someone, Joyce. Seriously.
- Like, literally pick anyone.
- OK, enough.
I am a very busy woman
and it's time for us all
to get back to work, OK?
OK.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
Sorry.
So I realized if the internet
can fix this guy's chin,
maybe it can help me figure out
my toe thing.
You know how I said
my toe's been hurting?
- No.
- OK.
Well, it's been feeling weird
for a couple of weeks.
Does that ring a bell?
Nope.
Val, the toe?
- Mm-mm.
- OK.
Well, I googled it.
Turns out there's lots
of things it can be.
- Mm.
- Scary things.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know.
Maybe it could be nothing, right?
Hospital's filled with people
who thought it was nothing.
Uh, sorry, Mom.
No, I'm fine.
It's just this guy from work,
this knucklehead who keeps saying
that I don't have to be good.
And I'm like,
what are you talking about?
Yes, yes. I just said
the same thing to Val.
And she
uh, no, I
you know, she's actually
been a lot nicer.
No, no.
Uh-uh, no.
I think if you emailed her,
it would just make it worse.
Mom, don't do it.
I'm begging you. Please don't email her.
To do my job,
I've got to be perfect.
These awards recognize that.
They say, "Bruce Schweitz
is an excellent surgeon.
Oh, no, he's a Top Doc." [CHUCKLES]
I don't even have to be good,
what does this matter?
[CHUCKLES]
Award of Excellence?
Nope, don't have to be good,
so not worth the paper it's printed on.
See you later.
Pointless. Pathetic. Worthless.
Great surgeon is who I am.
So without all that [CHUCKLES]
What's left, you know?
Who is that guy?
[SIGHS]
Who is that guy?
[SIGHS]
You take my abscess in 115,
I will take your hives in 132.
And you get a future patient
of your choosing.
And I want one of your Puzz 3Ds.
[SCOFFING] What? Why would I do that?
'Cause you seem desperate.
Puzz 3D closes the deal.
Hey, Ron? Mr. Harris
is googling CT scan options
and he wants an oral contrast
instead of an IV.
Is that OK, or?
- Wait, 115 is that Googler?
- Hold on.
- I'm out. I don't want to.
- Hold on. We got a deal.
But you get Matt!
He's gratis!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Sanderson.
- Alex called me.
What's wrong, Jo-Jo?
What? Why would
"Lean on a loved one."
It's one of the ladybug rules.
Oh. She calls them pillars.
Whatever.
The point is that
her boyfriend, Sanderson,
can give her the love
and trusted support
that we, as her employees,
were told we're not allowed to give her.
That sounds bad, Joyce.
That sounds really, really bad.
No, Sandy,
I'm sure it's going to be fine.
You could die!
- [GASPS] You could
- Uh, OK.
[SOBBING] I think I'm going to throw up.
OK, did you bring your special bucket?
[RETCHING] Mm-mm.
All right, someone get him a bucket!
- I'm not getting a bucket.
- Oh, boy.
- All right. OK.
- Don't use that!
- It's perforated!
- All right.
Oh, here, he's he's coming.
Hey. How's it going?
Uh, Gatorade's helping, for sure,
but I spilled some on my shirt.
I meant with Joyce. The biopsy.
Oh. Yeah, she's going to do it.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Great. Fantastic.
When she saw how upset I got,
she started taking it more seriously.
- Amazing.
- Aw. [CHUCKLES]
I can't believe this actually worked.
"Lean on a loved one."
Where are you going?
Oh, it seems like
you guys got it covered,
so I'm just going to mosey.
I mean, the procedure is quick.
I'm sure she'd appreciate
if you were there.
Listen to me.
Listen to me carefully.
Tell Joyce that I loved her.
What are you talking about?
I'm not built for this type of thing.
She deserves someone who
can take care of her.
I'm sorry. Are you leaving,
like you're leaving her?
You realize this
is just a routine biopsy.
And what if it's not?
I'm not strong enough.
Look at me. I'm useless.
You're not useless.
Yes, I am. I'm garbage.
You're not garbage.
I'm a loser!
You're not garbage.
Oh, Antonio L. is arriving
soon in a GMC Yukon.
Wait, no.
Oh, oh. Please don't do this.
[DOOR OPENS]
[PHONE BEEPS]
Everyone's asking, "Where is Bruce?"
No one's asking, "Why is Bruce?"
You're on top of this,
so I will just breeze through this.
We're going to do 1% lidocaine
with epinephrine
via subcutaneous infiltration.
Cool?
Uh, Christine, what do you think?
Sure, as long
as he uses a hemostat
to look for loculated pockets.
I'm sorry. What is this?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hi, I'm a friend of Ben's.
She's a doctor.
Went to Harvard Med School.
So, you know, pretty dumb.
Excuse me. Do you mind?
Oh, I was that was rude.
[LAPTOP CLATTERS]
Well, it looks like you got
the whole thing under control,
so why don't you just tell me
what you want me to do,
and I will do that?
As a matter of fact, here.
You draw the incision line,
size, location.
It's your call.
OK. [RON CHUCKLES]
Maybe something like, uh, this?
Yeah, well, see, this is the problem.
That
that that line does look good.
It's annoying, OK?
I mean, if you come in here
with all the answers
and a big plan, then what's
the point of my job?
What's the point of me?
Ain't that the question?
What is the point of us?
God, it's crazy.
It's like you're in my head right now.
[CHUCKLES] No, no.
You're not a part of this.
Same brain, Ron. [RON SIGHS]
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Hey. Ready for your biopsy?
I am. Oh, ladies, thank you so much.
You really bugged the heck out of me.
Mission accomplished.
But my man's here now, so I release you.
You know, we're here,
so we might just
just ride it out.
No, my ladybugs are free to fly.
You can go.
Sandman will take care of all of it.
Alex and I are here for you.
He's gone. He ran away?
- Yeah.
- He ran away.
Gone.
You don't have to be good.
Yep, I love that one, too, Dad.
[INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT]
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'm sorry. What do you mean?
It's the first line of a poem.
Mary Oliver.
Ah. "Wild Geese."
[BRUCE CHUCKLES] Love that one.
Mm.
What are you talking about?
Oh, it's a poem.
I know it's a poem, Keith.
Obviously, it's one
of the most famous poems.
But OK, keep going.
Uh, Dr. Bruce, if someone
has peripheral artery disease
- in their foot, is
- We'd amputate.
I'm busy, Matt. Keith, explain.
It's a poem.
Are are you mad at me?
- Yes.
- Why?
Well, I don't know why.
You don't have to be good.
[SIGHS] Bookworm his whole life.
It's funny what ends up
being important to you
at the end of the day.
Come on, Dad.
Where do I go for the mammogram?
Uh, right over there.
Thanks.
Do I give this to you?
Oh, bring it right over there.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Kind of seems like we should have
set this up right over there.
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
It's pretty cool you got
all these women to come in.
Mm, yeah. [ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
Feel like the Ladybugs
Program's a real home run.
Yeah, you don't have to do this, OK?
You did your job,
you bugged me, I got the test.
Where do I go for my mammogram?
Right over there.
Right over there, you're
going to get your mammogram.
They're going to give you bad news,
and it's going to make
your whole life unravel.
Right over there.
By the elevator?
Yes, by the elevator.
Uh, Joyce, I know that
you're having, like,
a really, really hard day.
But, um, for the record,
we weren't just doing our jobs.
Yeah, we're obviously here for you.
You don't have to say any of this, OK?
We're not.
Listen, program or no program,
OK, we're here.
We're not going anywhere.
We're your friends, Joyce.
We care about you.
You do?
- Oh, my God.
- Yes, Joyce.
We love you.
- Yes, of course.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Well, you got me.
Right over there.
[BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY]
- By the elevator.
- That way.
Right over there.
No, it's going to be fine.
It's going to be fine. At
least I'll know what's going on.
Yeah.
And, you know, uh, you inspired me.
I'm going to get my breasts checked.
Not on camera, obviously, but
I'll do it on camera.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
- OK.
- OK, let's get those results.
- All right.
- Let's hear them right now.
So one thing to remember,
this is just
Hey, don't lay runway.
- Just give it to me straight.
- All right.
As I was saying,
the most important thing
You're still doing it. Don't tiptoe.
Just let him talk.
He's trying to tell you.
Serena, I can't hear him
when you're talking!
It's fine. You're fine.
Oh! Yes!
God, [BLEEP] rude.
The cyst is benign,
and my sisters are doing fine!
[LAUGHTER]
- No, no, no, no, no!
Stop! Stop those results!
Don't read those results!
We already did.
OK, well, I don't know them yet,
so this is still pure.
Jo-Jo, today has been so hard,
maybe even the hardest day of my life.
But I got some words of wisdom
from a man named Antonio L.
He laid into me,
especially when I spilled
my Gatorade in his back seat.
Sanderson, what is the point?
Not Sanderson.
Manderson.
My point is I love you.
But love can make you crazy, right?
[JOYCE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Don't I always call you crazy?
Well, today, I went crazy.
I ran all the way around the world
to get back to you.
Well, there you go.
Classic Sanderson.
Knowing exactly what
to do to make me love you.
[CHUCKLES]
And I'm fine, by the way.
Oh, I know.
I could hear the cheering in the hall,
just to be completely honest.
- Aw.
- I do not like that man.
Alex and Serena
really stepped up for me.
So I guess I did
lean on loved ones today.
And, look, Sanderson's
love language is fear,
so the fact that he got so scared
he just ran away from the hospital
Somebody loves me ♪
All right, Dr. Reed will be
injecting you with lidocaine
and then I will make the incision.
I I read it's going to hurt a lot.
Well, once again, you are spot-on.
Tilt up.
Well, it's just [SIGHS]
[SOFT UPBEAT MUSIC]
It's going to be fine, right?
I'm not the best with pain.
Yeah.
You'll be fine.
Doctor, when you're ready.
♪
I guess there are some things
a search engine can't tell you.
When it comes down to it,
there's really only one
question patients want answered.
Will I be OK?
You come to me for that one.
OK. [CLEARS THROAT]
"Wild Geese."
"You do not have to be good.
"You do not have to walk
on your knees for 100 miles
"through the desert, repenting.
"You only have to let
the soft animal of your body
"love what it loves.
"Meanwhile, the world goes on.
"Meanwhile, the wild geese,
high in the clear blue air,
"are heading home again.
"Whoever you are,
no matter how lonely,
"the world offers itself
to your imagination,
"calls to you like the wild geese,
"harsh and exciting, over and over,
announcing your place
in the family of things."
[SOFT UPBEAT MUSIC FADING]
Wow.
Cringe.
[LAUGHING] I mean it didn't even rhyme.
OK, Mom, I'll let you go.
I know you got "The Voice" tonight.
Thanks, guys. Good day.
Two-hour episode. I know.
Should be a good one.
Uh, hey, real quick.
Um, just wanted to ask,
do you think Dad would be proud of me?
[CHUCKLING] Yeah?
[CHUCKLING] Ah.
Yeah. Yes, Mom, I think
Snoop is probably high.
Sorry I tried to trade you earlier.
You didn't try to trade me.
You tried to give me away for free.
Softball for amputees?
Yeah, I'm trying
to find the silver lining
in case I lose the foot.
OK, enough.
Shoe off. Let me see the toe.
Really? Thanks.
That's why you can't
start googling symptoms.
Because you just
oh, man!
That is definitely dislocated.
You've been walking on this?
I mean, just to and from work.