Suburgatory (2011) s01e14 Episode Script
The Body
(Tessa) In the time of the romance man battle in arenas to prove their strengh and valor.
Winning, met life, defeat, death.
Now they battle in gymnasiums for letters on their jackets and cheerleaders on their laps.
(Chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! (Thuds) (Man) I got the gold in my hand The body cannot be beaten! (Cheering) The body cannot be beat! (Cheering continues) That's good enough for you We could cure cancer or win the Nobel Prize, and no one would celebrate us like that.
Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! I love you, body! (Chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! They never carried Salinger down the hallway! (Boy) Whoo! Body! Body! Body! No.
I can't have a roll? A roll? You'll spoil Ryan's victory dinner.
Ryan has a victory dinner, like, every other night.
That's because he's a winner.
Winners are different.
They're not like you and me.
Uh-huh.
So what are we having? Ryan's favorite Venison marinara.
(Chuckles) I swear, that boy will eat anything marinara.
He really will.
(Laughing) (Chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! Did you guys wait for me to eat? - (Chuckles) Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.
The guys carried me out for burgers, - so I had burgers.
(Chuckles) - Yeah.
(Boys chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! That's the nice thing about deer meat.
- Body! Body! - It reheats beautifully.
I wouldn't call this helping.
You said you were gonna help.
I wanted to help, but that looks heavy and smells gross, and I'm a girl.
Really? You're gonna play the girl card? Shame on you, Tessa.
I feel no shame.
Carry your own dirt.
(Grunts) Hey, careful! Careful Of my flower.
You almost trampled my flower.
- Your flower? - Yeah.
It's the first thing to blossom in my garden, and I'm nurturing it.
You tender, tender soul.
(Fred and Sheila, chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! B-body.
(Panting) Body.
Body.
Ohh.
Body.
Body.
Body.
Body.
Body.
Body! Body.
Ohh.
(Clears throat and coughs) (Panting) Dominate at school, champ.
I will, mom.
(Chuckles) You have an amazing body.
Thanks, dad.
(Starts engine) (Panting, speaks inaudibly) (Panting) (Sighs) (Whispers) Bye-bye.
You know, you could be a little livelier with my send-offs.
Oh? (Chanting) Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! - Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! - That's what I'm talking about.
(Alih Jay) Last night I had a pleasant nightmare da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da I don't know.
They're already pretty white.
Not white enough.
I need to freshen up my curb appeal.
I'm back on the market.
Okay.
Uh, so (Clatters) What, you're thinking, um (Clicks tongue) Picket fence white? Crazy for cotton balls? How about that one? Supremacy white.
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend that.
Very few people who can pull off supremacy white.
Let's just say I want to be the whitest white you can legally make me.
I can't help but feel like you're rushing into this.
You're making a lot of crazy decisions (Strained voice) And you're not thinking about the consequences.
Oh, really? And what kind of crazy decisions might you be referring to? My decision to divorce Steven? Absolutely not.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) Okay.
That's none of my business.
I'm just saying that your gums have been through a lot, and they're sensitive.
They're exposed.
They're single for the first time in years, and they're acting a little desperate.
Thank you for fitting me in today, Dr.
Werner, but I am gonna take my single, desperate gums elsewhere.
Kill it.
Whoa.
Hello, Sheila.
(Chuckles) Didn't hear you coming.
It's my new gardening clogs.
They're super stealthy, but they do smell bad after the rain.
Good to know.
Dig it out by its roots.
It's weak.
It sets a bad precedent for the others.
(Metal clanks) (Chuckles) Hey, why don't we each tend to our own gardens, okay? Have you seen my roses across the street, George? They're winners, each one perfect, and why? Because I deadhead the losers.
I don't do it because it's fun, although it is.
I do it so I can make the whole garden shine.
Well, I have a different approach.
I tend to think anything can flower with a little encouragement.
(Laughs) Sometimes I wonder about you, George.
I really do wonder.
Ohh.
Likewise.
Having grown up in the city (Grunts) I was at a distinct disadvantage.
(Grunts) We didn't play outside.
(Grunts) The park was somewhere you went to buy weed, and the tall buildings blocked out all the sunlight.
In sixth grade, two of the girls in my class had rickets.
(Woman over p.
A.
) Tessa Altman, please report to Mr.
Wolfe's office.
(Blows whistle) Me? (Pants) Oh.
Okay.
Tessa, you're failing.
What? That's not possible.
I'm smart.
What class? Gym class.
That's not a class.
(Chuckles) Of course it is a class.
If it weren't a class, you wouldn't be failing, which I assure you, you are.
So what I'm hearing is, this isn't about A.
P.
English.
Tessa, this "F" will bring down your G.
P.
A.
, so you might want to get real about your future.
Shall we chat trade schools? (School bell rings) (Scoffs) The fact that Phys Ed can drop a deuce on my academic record is preposterous.
All this school cares about is sports.
They are obsessed.
And why? Sports don't matter at all in the real world.
Actually, it's a multibillion-dollar industry.
(Tray clatters) (Amplified voice) Students, students.
By now many of you have no doubt heard about the scandal.
He's sleeping with chef Alan.
That is not the scandal to which I was referring, but, yes, I am, and I love him A lot.
Ariel, our student body president, has stepped down this morning due to unexpected fatness.
We'll be holding a special election for a new class president.
Is Dalia running? Makes sense.
The only criteria for being on the student body seems to be having a good body.
(Amplified voice) Hey, you guys.
As you all know, Kenzie and Kaitlyn are mad fit.
Their bodies are tight, and so is their platform.
(Amplified voice) Hey, you guys.
I'm Kenzie.
She's Kaitlyn.
(Amplified voice) Hey.
You guys, there's a lot of fat kids, and sports is what makes them unfat.
(Imitates Dalia) There are a lot of smart kids that would argue that "unfat" isn't a word.
That's why we propose doubling the current gym requirement To double what it is now.
What? (Chuckles) They're talking about cutting academics so we can chase a ball around? Thin twins for the win! (Chuckles) Vote for them, you guys.
I mean it.
Okay.
Thank you, ladies.
Now if anyone wants to oppose the thin twin ticket, - see me and - I oppose.
I oppose everything they stand for.
What are you saying, Tessa, that you want to run for student body president? - That's exactly what I'm saying.
- (Dalia) Oh, my God.
She cannot run for student body president.
She wears layers.
I mean, you can't even see her body.
My body may not have been the body, but it was up for a fight, and sometimes, as Ryan Shay was learning, the scrappy ones will surprise you.
(Crowd shouting indistinctly) (Bones crunch) Aah! (Whistle blows) Ohh.
Aah! (Cheering) (Crying, speaks indistinctly) Oh, Sheila.
I can't tell you how shocked Jill and I were to hear the news.
Jill likes to feel in private, so she's home.
Me I'll feel anywhere.
(Clicks tongue) Can I see the body? We're not doing that.
We want people to remember Ryan like he was.
(Chuckles) - (Whispers) Perfect.
- Mm.
Hi.
(Bell tinkles) Excuse me.
So you went ahead and did it, huh? Back-alley bleaching.
Is that what I'm looking at?! You bit the trays.
You hit the strips.
You betcha, and I'm glad I did.
You may not agree with my decision, but it's my decision, not yours.
Oh, why don't you come out and say it, Noah? You're on his side.
We were all at brunch a month ago.
The four of us shared two desserts.
I like doing that.
You get to taste a little bit of each one.
Well, Steven was tasting a lot more than dessert.
I love you dearly, Noah, but this isn't about you.
Steven and I are over, so update my file and move on.
What did she bring? (Whispers) Trouble.
And ambrosia! Hey.
What's going on? I-I actually just stopped by to borrow your rake.
What happened? It's Ryan, our favorite rake.
Of course, I'm using the British regency-era definition It's not the time to showboat, Fred.
I thought Ryan just tore his A.
C.
L.
You know what, Sheila? This is your big chance.
I know how you love perfection, but, look, not everything in life is perfect, right? (Sighs) You can't deadhead your own son.
(Scoffs in high-pitched voice) (Indistinct conversations) (Amplified voice) Candidates, if you are ready, we will begin the first of one of our 12 debates.
- 12? - Mm-hmm.
First question for the candidates "Why you so fly, though?" Kenzie, Kaitlyn, you guys will be answering first.
(Chairs scrape floor) Thanks, Mr.
Wolfe.
We wrote a song for Ryan Shay And we hope it will get you up out of your chair and dancing to it in no time.
(Clicks) (Both) Your body was the body (voices breaking) till your body hit the floor now your body is no body but we know you'll wrestle more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more! (Cheering) Whoo! Thanks, everyone.
Tessa, rebuttal? (Chair scrapes floor) What makes a hero? (Booing) Oh, thank you for the support.
(Clears throat) I know you all think Ryan's a hero, but what about Evan? Does anybody care that Evan got a perfect score on his P.
S.
A.
T.
s? No one wrote a song about that (High-pitched voice) Except me.
(Under breath ) Mnh.
She's going off book.
(Off-key) Evan math and vocab are like heaven to Evan (imitates synthesizer warbling) Is there a bridge? There is too much emphasis on stupid sports and stupid people.
Ryan's not a hero.
He got hurt while wrestling.
Wrestling is dumb.
Academics are the opposite of dumb.
If you elect me, I promise, I will not let physical education eclipse actual education.
I propose we make gym an elective, and I'm just asking that you think about it.
(Claps) More sugar snap peas, honey? Sorry.
Are you Are you talking to me? (Chuckles) Of course I am, silly.
Do you want some more sugar snap peas? I noticed you finished yours.
I did finish mine.
(Whispers) Okay.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) Anything exciting happen at school today? Uh well, I'm running Tessa's campaign for student body president.
Our Lisa, a political mastermind.
I smell a victory dinner in the future, and it smells like It smells like Tuna and shells? (Chuckles) You got it, genius.
Tuna and shells it is.
Lisa, would you like to eat Ryan's dessert tonight? I doubt he'll want to eat this crumbly mess up in his room.
Mr.
Altman? Whoa.
Hey.
Ryan, did you wheel over here all by yourself? Down the stairs and everything? I heard what you said to my mother, so I know there's room in your heart, but is there room in your house for a dude in a chair that rolls? And if so, is there a downstairs bathroom I can use? (Mouths words) Wrestling is a sport.
It's not an identity.
What about Lacrosse? Also a sport.
What about Spider-Man? Right.
That's a secret identity but unrelated to what I'm talking about.
See, you need to start thinking about (Clatter) What makes you who you are.
My hair.
My eyes.
My Roman nose.
On the inside.
- My lungs.
My awesome liver.
- What you believe in.
Santa Claus.
Tupac Shakur.
You don't have to answer the questions the second I ask them, okay? Okay.
So serene.
Yeah.
And calm, too.
Hey, look at this guy.
He's a tall, stocky guy, and he's painting, you know? Painting.
He's a painter.
Former firefighter, actually.
Used to think it was the only reason I was on planet Earth, but then the floor collapsed right underneath me, and I fell two stories.
I cracked my back up pretty good.
You mean pretty bad.
I cracked it pretty bad.
It hurt pretty good.
You mean it hurt pretty bad.
Is that from the injury? Ryan, I'm just glad this man discovered after his life-changing accident, that he had another amazing gift.
He could start fires with his mind? What? No.
The painting.
I'm talking about the painting.
Oh! It's just, you said "amazing gift," so I was thinking more along those lines.
Tessa, I beg you.
Please let me do my job.
I'm doing damage control here.
Polls show that people think you're a racist.
- Racist? That's crazy.
- Against jocks.
That's not a race! Tessa, frankly, that's the kind of talk that got us here in the first place.
If you lower your voice, I'm trying to spin this into an asset.
You know what, Lisa? I-I'm not sure this is worth it.
This is a fight that I don't think we're gonna win.
No, you listen to me.
Ow! I am this close to my very own victory dinner, and I'll be hot-damned if you're gonna take that away from me.
This is my moment.
This is my tuna and my shells.
Dad's flower wasn't the only thing blossoming.
His friendship with Ryan Shay had also taken root.
(Strumming guitar) In the desert you can't remember your name 'cause they're ain't no one for to cause you no pain LA, LA, LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA, LA, LA That's great stuff, Mr.
Altman.
Thanks.
I actually I had a band in college Alt-Man.
Like Altman, get it? No, but I trust you.
Were you famous? Ah, it wasn't about the fame.
- So you weren't? - No.
We played covers, mostly.
I always wanted to do our own stuff.
I tried to write a few songs, but you know, - life got in the way.
- Yeah.
Thanks for spending all this time with me, Mr.
Alt-Man.
I just got it.
Good one.
I think I know what you've been trying to do, and it worked.
- It did? - Yeah.
If I don't toughen up, I'm gonna turn into some soft loser sitting around singing depressing songs about a horse with no mane.
Yeah, that's not what that song was So I'm gonna play through the pain.
Even if it kills me, at least I'll die a man.
Can't lick my wounds.
I have to kick 'em, right? - What are you doing? - Kick 'em! - Kick 'em! - Ryan I can do it.
Aah! Oh, no! Aah! Ow! Whoa.
Aah! Aah! You're walking.
I did it.
(Snap) Yes, you did.
Never got you, so you'd say but I tried all that really warm month of may girl (switches click) Whatcha doin'? Hey.
Nothing.
Just noodling with the song I started writing a hundred years ago and never finished.
Wait a minute.
Did the Alt-Man return? (Laughs) Ah, you know, I just I thought that maybe he should, you know Play through the pain Sounds good.
Thanks.
Hey, what are you doing? I'm not fit to serve.
What? You're giving up? They came out with this whole slander thing, saying I'm racist against jocks.
So stupid.
I can't be bothered.
I'm never gonna change these people.
You know, when you were little, I may not have impressed this upon you enough, but I think it's really important to fight for what you want.
Don't take the easy road.
- Are you gonna sing again? - No.
It feels like you are.
Don't take the easy road even if you've got a heavy load I'm just riffing, but I think I got something here.
I'm almost considering doing three or four "yeah, yeah, yeahs.
" Those are optional.
I'm not married to the "yeahs.
" I was thinking something like As George figured out his "yeah, yeah, yeahs," i realized that maybe I had been taking the easy road, not by quitting the election, but by running at all.
Sorry, Lisa.
It's over.
Is it about the poll numbers? Because I'm said I'm not worried.
The only reason I even ran for student council was to avoid spiking a volleyball.
What about my victory dinner? Actually I made a deal with the twins.
(Chuckles) I agreed to withdraw my name from the ballot and support their ticket In exchange for us letting you be our new campaign manager.
Dalia got bored.
Can you taste that tuna and shells? (Shouting indistinctly) Hey.
Hey.
If you show me how to spike a volleyball, I'll do your science homework.
I don't need you to do my science homework, weakling.
My grades are perfect.
- They are? - (Girl) Heads up! I said heads up! Maybe you can change yourself But not on the first try.
Not till he's home.
(Boys chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! (Chants) Body! I'm back.
The king is back! (Laughs) Way to go, son.
- Attaboy! (Laughs) - Thanks, guys.
Feels a lot better being carried when you know you can walk.
Great.
What are we having for dinner, possum marinara? Tuna and shells.
I requested it 'cause I know it's your fave.
But Being useless and unpopular and stuck in that God-awful wheelchair made me realize what you go through every day of your life.
I'm not in a wheelchair.
Lisa, take the compliment.
It didn't sound like a compliment.
Unbelievable.
Do you or do you not want tuna and shells? I do.
(Laughs) (Grunts) I knew she did.
Winning, met life, defeat, death.
Now they battle in gymnasiums for letters on their jackets and cheerleaders on their laps.
(Chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! (Thuds) (Man) I got the gold in my hand The body cannot be beaten! (Cheering) The body cannot be beat! (Cheering continues) That's good enough for you We could cure cancer or win the Nobel Prize, and no one would celebrate us like that.
Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! I love you, body! (Chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! They never carried Salinger down the hallway! (Boy) Whoo! Body! Body! Body! No.
I can't have a roll? A roll? You'll spoil Ryan's victory dinner.
Ryan has a victory dinner, like, every other night.
That's because he's a winner.
Winners are different.
They're not like you and me.
Uh-huh.
So what are we having? Ryan's favorite Venison marinara.
(Chuckles) I swear, that boy will eat anything marinara.
He really will.
(Laughing) (Chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! Did you guys wait for me to eat? - (Chuckles) Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.
The guys carried me out for burgers, - so I had burgers.
(Chuckles) - Yeah.
(Boys chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! That's the nice thing about deer meat.
- Body! Body! - It reheats beautifully.
I wouldn't call this helping.
You said you were gonna help.
I wanted to help, but that looks heavy and smells gross, and I'm a girl.
Really? You're gonna play the girl card? Shame on you, Tessa.
I feel no shame.
Carry your own dirt.
(Grunts) Hey, careful! Careful Of my flower.
You almost trampled my flower.
- Your flower? - Yeah.
It's the first thing to blossom in my garden, and I'm nurturing it.
You tender, tender soul.
(Fred and Sheila, chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! B-body.
(Panting) Body.
Body.
Ohh.
Body.
Body.
Body.
Body.
Body.
Body! Body.
Ohh.
(Clears throat and coughs) (Panting) Dominate at school, champ.
I will, mom.
(Chuckles) You have an amazing body.
Thanks, dad.
(Starts engine) (Panting, speaks inaudibly) (Panting) (Sighs) (Whispers) Bye-bye.
You know, you could be a little livelier with my send-offs.
Oh? (Chanting) Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! - Lazy! Lazy! Lazy! - That's what I'm talking about.
(Alih Jay) Last night I had a pleasant nightmare da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da I don't know.
They're already pretty white.
Not white enough.
I need to freshen up my curb appeal.
I'm back on the market.
Okay.
Uh, so (Clatters) What, you're thinking, um (Clicks tongue) Picket fence white? Crazy for cotton balls? How about that one? Supremacy white.
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend that.
Very few people who can pull off supremacy white.
Let's just say I want to be the whitest white you can legally make me.
I can't help but feel like you're rushing into this.
You're making a lot of crazy decisions (Strained voice) And you're not thinking about the consequences.
Oh, really? And what kind of crazy decisions might you be referring to? My decision to divorce Steven? Absolutely not.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) Okay.
That's none of my business.
I'm just saying that your gums have been through a lot, and they're sensitive.
They're exposed.
They're single for the first time in years, and they're acting a little desperate.
Thank you for fitting me in today, Dr.
Werner, but I am gonna take my single, desperate gums elsewhere.
Kill it.
Whoa.
Hello, Sheila.
(Chuckles) Didn't hear you coming.
It's my new gardening clogs.
They're super stealthy, but they do smell bad after the rain.
Good to know.
Dig it out by its roots.
It's weak.
It sets a bad precedent for the others.
(Metal clanks) (Chuckles) Hey, why don't we each tend to our own gardens, okay? Have you seen my roses across the street, George? They're winners, each one perfect, and why? Because I deadhead the losers.
I don't do it because it's fun, although it is.
I do it so I can make the whole garden shine.
Well, I have a different approach.
I tend to think anything can flower with a little encouragement.
(Laughs) Sometimes I wonder about you, George.
I really do wonder.
Ohh.
Likewise.
Having grown up in the city (Grunts) I was at a distinct disadvantage.
(Grunts) We didn't play outside.
(Grunts) The park was somewhere you went to buy weed, and the tall buildings blocked out all the sunlight.
In sixth grade, two of the girls in my class had rickets.
(Woman over p.
A.
) Tessa Altman, please report to Mr.
Wolfe's office.
(Blows whistle) Me? (Pants) Oh.
Okay.
Tessa, you're failing.
What? That's not possible.
I'm smart.
What class? Gym class.
That's not a class.
(Chuckles) Of course it is a class.
If it weren't a class, you wouldn't be failing, which I assure you, you are.
So what I'm hearing is, this isn't about A.
P.
English.
Tessa, this "F" will bring down your G.
P.
A.
, so you might want to get real about your future.
Shall we chat trade schools? (School bell rings) (Scoffs) The fact that Phys Ed can drop a deuce on my academic record is preposterous.
All this school cares about is sports.
They are obsessed.
And why? Sports don't matter at all in the real world.
Actually, it's a multibillion-dollar industry.
(Tray clatters) (Amplified voice) Students, students.
By now many of you have no doubt heard about the scandal.
He's sleeping with chef Alan.
That is not the scandal to which I was referring, but, yes, I am, and I love him A lot.
Ariel, our student body president, has stepped down this morning due to unexpected fatness.
We'll be holding a special election for a new class president.
Is Dalia running? Makes sense.
The only criteria for being on the student body seems to be having a good body.
(Amplified voice) Hey, you guys.
As you all know, Kenzie and Kaitlyn are mad fit.
Their bodies are tight, and so is their platform.
(Amplified voice) Hey, you guys.
I'm Kenzie.
She's Kaitlyn.
(Amplified voice) Hey.
You guys, there's a lot of fat kids, and sports is what makes them unfat.
(Imitates Dalia) There are a lot of smart kids that would argue that "unfat" isn't a word.
That's why we propose doubling the current gym requirement To double what it is now.
What? (Chuckles) They're talking about cutting academics so we can chase a ball around? Thin twins for the win! (Chuckles) Vote for them, you guys.
I mean it.
Okay.
Thank you, ladies.
Now if anyone wants to oppose the thin twin ticket, - see me and - I oppose.
I oppose everything they stand for.
What are you saying, Tessa, that you want to run for student body president? - That's exactly what I'm saying.
- (Dalia) Oh, my God.
She cannot run for student body president.
She wears layers.
I mean, you can't even see her body.
My body may not have been the body, but it was up for a fight, and sometimes, as Ryan Shay was learning, the scrappy ones will surprise you.
(Crowd shouting indistinctly) (Bones crunch) Aah! (Whistle blows) Ohh.
Aah! (Cheering) (Crying, speaks indistinctly) Oh, Sheila.
I can't tell you how shocked Jill and I were to hear the news.
Jill likes to feel in private, so she's home.
Me I'll feel anywhere.
(Clicks tongue) Can I see the body? We're not doing that.
We want people to remember Ryan like he was.
(Chuckles) - (Whispers) Perfect.
- Mm.
Hi.
(Bell tinkles) Excuse me.
So you went ahead and did it, huh? Back-alley bleaching.
Is that what I'm looking at?! You bit the trays.
You hit the strips.
You betcha, and I'm glad I did.
You may not agree with my decision, but it's my decision, not yours.
Oh, why don't you come out and say it, Noah? You're on his side.
We were all at brunch a month ago.
The four of us shared two desserts.
I like doing that.
You get to taste a little bit of each one.
Well, Steven was tasting a lot more than dessert.
I love you dearly, Noah, but this isn't about you.
Steven and I are over, so update my file and move on.
What did she bring? (Whispers) Trouble.
And ambrosia! Hey.
What's going on? I-I actually just stopped by to borrow your rake.
What happened? It's Ryan, our favorite rake.
Of course, I'm using the British regency-era definition It's not the time to showboat, Fred.
I thought Ryan just tore his A.
C.
L.
You know what, Sheila? This is your big chance.
I know how you love perfection, but, look, not everything in life is perfect, right? (Sighs) You can't deadhead your own son.
(Scoffs in high-pitched voice) (Indistinct conversations) (Amplified voice) Candidates, if you are ready, we will begin the first of one of our 12 debates.
- 12? - Mm-hmm.
First question for the candidates "Why you so fly, though?" Kenzie, Kaitlyn, you guys will be answering first.
(Chairs scrape floor) Thanks, Mr.
Wolfe.
We wrote a song for Ryan Shay And we hope it will get you up out of your chair and dancing to it in no time.
(Clicks) (Both) Your body was the body (voices breaking) till your body hit the floor now your body is no body but we know you'll wrestle more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more! (Cheering) Whoo! Thanks, everyone.
Tessa, rebuttal? (Chair scrapes floor) What makes a hero? (Booing) Oh, thank you for the support.
(Clears throat) I know you all think Ryan's a hero, but what about Evan? Does anybody care that Evan got a perfect score on his P.
S.
A.
T.
s? No one wrote a song about that (High-pitched voice) Except me.
(Under breath ) Mnh.
She's going off book.
(Off-key) Evan math and vocab are like heaven to Evan (imitates synthesizer warbling) Is there a bridge? There is too much emphasis on stupid sports and stupid people.
Ryan's not a hero.
He got hurt while wrestling.
Wrestling is dumb.
Academics are the opposite of dumb.
If you elect me, I promise, I will not let physical education eclipse actual education.
I propose we make gym an elective, and I'm just asking that you think about it.
(Claps) More sugar snap peas, honey? Sorry.
Are you Are you talking to me? (Chuckles) Of course I am, silly.
Do you want some more sugar snap peas? I noticed you finished yours.
I did finish mine.
(Whispers) Okay.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles) Anything exciting happen at school today? Uh well, I'm running Tessa's campaign for student body president.
Our Lisa, a political mastermind.
I smell a victory dinner in the future, and it smells like It smells like Tuna and shells? (Chuckles) You got it, genius.
Tuna and shells it is.
Lisa, would you like to eat Ryan's dessert tonight? I doubt he'll want to eat this crumbly mess up in his room.
Mr.
Altman? Whoa.
Hey.
Ryan, did you wheel over here all by yourself? Down the stairs and everything? I heard what you said to my mother, so I know there's room in your heart, but is there room in your house for a dude in a chair that rolls? And if so, is there a downstairs bathroom I can use? (Mouths words) Wrestling is a sport.
It's not an identity.
What about Lacrosse? Also a sport.
What about Spider-Man? Right.
That's a secret identity but unrelated to what I'm talking about.
See, you need to start thinking about (Clatter) What makes you who you are.
My hair.
My eyes.
My Roman nose.
On the inside.
- My lungs.
My awesome liver.
- What you believe in.
Santa Claus.
Tupac Shakur.
You don't have to answer the questions the second I ask them, okay? Okay.
So serene.
Yeah.
And calm, too.
Hey, look at this guy.
He's a tall, stocky guy, and he's painting, you know? Painting.
He's a painter.
Former firefighter, actually.
Used to think it was the only reason I was on planet Earth, but then the floor collapsed right underneath me, and I fell two stories.
I cracked my back up pretty good.
You mean pretty bad.
I cracked it pretty bad.
It hurt pretty good.
You mean it hurt pretty bad.
Is that from the injury? Ryan, I'm just glad this man discovered after his life-changing accident, that he had another amazing gift.
He could start fires with his mind? What? No.
The painting.
I'm talking about the painting.
Oh! It's just, you said "amazing gift," so I was thinking more along those lines.
Tessa, I beg you.
Please let me do my job.
I'm doing damage control here.
Polls show that people think you're a racist.
- Racist? That's crazy.
- Against jocks.
That's not a race! Tessa, frankly, that's the kind of talk that got us here in the first place.
If you lower your voice, I'm trying to spin this into an asset.
You know what, Lisa? I-I'm not sure this is worth it.
This is a fight that I don't think we're gonna win.
No, you listen to me.
Ow! I am this close to my very own victory dinner, and I'll be hot-damned if you're gonna take that away from me.
This is my moment.
This is my tuna and my shells.
Dad's flower wasn't the only thing blossoming.
His friendship with Ryan Shay had also taken root.
(Strumming guitar) In the desert you can't remember your name 'cause they're ain't no one for to cause you no pain LA, LA, LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA, LA, LA That's great stuff, Mr.
Altman.
Thanks.
I actually I had a band in college Alt-Man.
Like Altman, get it? No, but I trust you.
Were you famous? Ah, it wasn't about the fame.
- So you weren't? - No.
We played covers, mostly.
I always wanted to do our own stuff.
I tried to write a few songs, but you know, - life got in the way.
- Yeah.
Thanks for spending all this time with me, Mr.
Alt-Man.
I just got it.
Good one.
I think I know what you've been trying to do, and it worked.
- It did? - Yeah.
If I don't toughen up, I'm gonna turn into some soft loser sitting around singing depressing songs about a horse with no mane.
Yeah, that's not what that song was So I'm gonna play through the pain.
Even if it kills me, at least I'll die a man.
Can't lick my wounds.
I have to kick 'em, right? - What are you doing? - Kick 'em! - Kick 'em! - Ryan I can do it.
Aah! Oh, no! Aah! Ow! Whoa.
Aah! Aah! You're walking.
I did it.
(Snap) Yes, you did.
Never got you, so you'd say but I tried all that really warm month of may girl (switches click) Whatcha doin'? Hey.
Nothing.
Just noodling with the song I started writing a hundred years ago and never finished.
Wait a minute.
Did the Alt-Man return? (Laughs) Ah, you know, I just I thought that maybe he should, you know Play through the pain Sounds good.
Thanks.
Hey, what are you doing? I'm not fit to serve.
What? You're giving up? They came out with this whole slander thing, saying I'm racist against jocks.
So stupid.
I can't be bothered.
I'm never gonna change these people.
You know, when you were little, I may not have impressed this upon you enough, but I think it's really important to fight for what you want.
Don't take the easy road.
- Are you gonna sing again? - No.
It feels like you are.
Don't take the easy road even if you've got a heavy load I'm just riffing, but I think I got something here.
I'm almost considering doing three or four "yeah, yeah, yeahs.
" Those are optional.
I'm not married to the "yeahs.
" I was thinking something like As George figured out his "yeah, yeah, yeahs," i realized that maybe I had been taking the easy road, not by quitting the election, but by running at all.
Sorry, Lisa.
It's over.
Is it about the poll numbers? Because I'm said I'm not worried.
The only reason I even ran for student council was to avoid spiking a volleyball.
What about my victory dinner? Actually I made a deal with the twins.
(Chuckles) I agreed to withdraw my name from the ballot and support their ticket In exchange for us letting you be our new campaign manager.
Dalia got bored.
Can you taste that tuna and shells? (Shouting indistinctly) Hey.
Hey.
If you show me how to spike a volleyball, I'll do your science homework.
I don't need you to do my science homework, weakling.
My grades are perfect.
- They are? - (Girl) Heads up! I said heads up! Maybe you can change yourself But not on the first try.
Not till he's home.
(Boys chanting) Body! Body! Body! Body! Body! (Chants) Body! I'm back.
The king is back! (Laughs) Way to go, son.
- Attaboy! (Laughs) - Thanks, guys.
Feels a lot better being carried when you know you can walk.
Great.
What are we having for dinner, possum marinara? Tuna and shells.
I requested it 'cause I know it's your fave.
But Being useless and unpopular and stuck in that God-awful wheelchair made me realize what you go through every day of your life.
I'm not in a wheelchair.
Lisa, take the compliment.
It didn't sound like a compliment.
Unbelievable.
Do you or do you not want tuna and shells? I do.
(Laughs) (Grunts) I knew she did.